On May 23, Stardom wrestler and Terrace House cast member Hana Kimura died at the age of 22. Her death, which appeared to have been by suicide shortly after she posted a series of social media posts that displayed emotional distress and images of self-harm and mentioned online harassment she had been receiving, shocked the wrestling world and drew mainstream media attention. A few days later, Kimura has received moving tributes from her friends, fans, and fellow wrestlers, and more information has been shared about the circumstances of her death.

Some of Kimura’s friends and coworkers have shared some details about her passing on social media, with the most information coming from Kairi Sane, who worked with Kimura in Stardom before signing with WWE. Sane tweeted, “It was early afternoon US local time (but in the middle of the night in Japan) when we saw her tweets. Io-san and I immediately called Jungle Kyona and Mr. Rossy Ogawa on the telephone. Kyona immediately rushed there as fast as she could, but she wasn’t able to make it in time.”

Rossy Ogawa, one of the founders of Stardom, also shared a detail, tweeting that “Before Hana passed away, she put her cat in a basket and left it outside our office door.” Kimura’s cat was shown in some of the final pictures she posted.

Jungle Kyona, Kimura’s friend and stablemate in Tokyo Cyber Squad, posted that she had been especially close to Kimura in the last few months of her life. With a video of the two playing with a filter while viewing cherry blossoms earlier this year, Kyona said she’ll never forget her friend, and “I wonder if beautiful flowers will bloom next year?”

Further information about Kimura’s death comes from an article in Sponichi Annex. One of Kimura’s neighbors told the publication that ambulances reached the wrestler’s residence in Tokyo’s Koto Ward around four in the morning (much closer to the time of her concerning tweets than when Stardom reported her death about eight hours later.) Sponichi Annex also states that a representative of the Metropolitan Police Department “stated ‘There was a confirmed case of death involving the use of hydrogen sulfide’” in the area, but the police source doesn’t specifically name Kimura in this case.

The article refrains from adding more information, stating that “further details were unavailable out of respect for the bereaved.” Kyoko Kimura, Hana’s mother, later tweeted a request “to mass media outlets” asking for more of that respect. “I would like you to stop contacting the police and the Stardom office for detailed information,” she posted. “I would like you to respect the privacy of the individual who has passed. Don’t push people who are struggling to their limit like this.”

Kyoko Kimura also posted a message to her daughter’s fans and friends: “For everyone who cheered, befriended, and loved Hana, I am sorry I could not protect her. I am sorry we now have this painful memory. If you are in pain, Hana will be in pain, too. Please keep the cheerful memory of Hana in your hearts.”

Many of Kimura’s friends and contemporaries in the wrestling industry also posted tributes to her, sharing photos with her and mourning her passing. Those included another tweet from Kairi Sane, saying “Hana-chan, I’ve lost a truly irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind friend. I feel this hole in my heart, and I hate the thought of a reality of a without you in it.”

Io Shirai, another now-WWE wrestler who worked with Kimura in Stardom, posted, “I’ve never been this heartbroken in my life. I still can’t believe this happened, and right now, I don’t want to.” Along with a picture of herself and Kimura, Shirai later posted, “We can no longer ask her the reasons why she was suffering or discuss ways to help her. I wanted her to live for those who loved her. At least now, the feelings of all those who love her will reach her. Please be at peace.”

Kimura also received tributes from her seniors in the wrestling industry, including New Japan Pro Wrestling star Hiroshi Tanahashi, who tweeted, “She had undeniable star power and a character which people gravitated toward. Without a doubt, she was the future of women’s pro-wrestling. I wanted to discuss pro-wrestling with you. Ms. Hana Kimura, I hope your soul rests in peace.”

Retired legendary NJPW wrestler Jushin Thunder Liger stated, “I just heard the sad news of Ms. Hana Kimura’s passing. My wife and son also had the opportunity to meet her. Right now, I’m full of such sadness that words fail me. It’s absolutely tragic and devastating. I wish to send her this picture of a beautiful field of flowers.”

Kimura’s fans also used images of flowers to mourn her death and celebrate her life this weekend. Fans in Japan started the hashtag #TLを花でいっぱいにしよう (Let’s fill the timeline with flowers), posting pictures of flowers in honor of Kimura because “hana” means “flower” in Japanese. English-speaking fans adopted their own version of the hashtag, with #FlowersForHana.

Wrestling and other entertainment programs with connections to Kimura suspended or postponed broadcasts this weekend after her passing. Stardom – on a hiatus from wrestling shows because of the coronavirus pandemic – suspended the release of programs on their YouTube channel out of respect for Kimura. NJPW, Stardom’s sibling promotion now that both companies are owned by Bushiroad, postponed the broadcast of the comedic Rainmaker Presents: Toru Yano’s Birthday Bash show that was originally scheduled the air just hours after the news of Kimura’s death broke.

It remains to be seen if the long-term future of Terrace House is impacted by Kimura’s passing – the show was already on a production hiatus because of COVID-19 – but the event has had some short-term effects. The broadcast of the new episode that was supposed to air today on Japan’s Fuji TV was suspended. So has the international release of the next group of Terrace House episodes on Netflix, a batch that would have included the scenes for which drove Kimura to experience an uptick in the vicious, sometimes racially-charged online harassment she mentioned in tweets shortly before her death.

Meanwhile, some wrestling companies have paid tribute to Kimura through their programming. Kimura’s death, along with that of former WWE star Shad Gaspard, was mentioned on Saturday’s AEW pay-per-view. Ring of Honor added the Stardom/Women of Honor (Hana Kimura, Stella Gray, and Sumie Sakai vs. Jenny Rose, Kagetsu, and Hazuki) dark match from last year’s G1 Supercard event to their YouTube Channel. On the streaming service Stardom World, Stardom put together a 22-video Hana Kimura Selection of her matches and interviews with the company from 2017 to 2020.

While Stardom didn’t have a show this weekend, another women’s wrestling company did, and featured one of Kimura’s friends honoring her. On May 23, ASUKA (aka Veny), Kimura’s friend and tag partner in Wrestle-1, wrestled in the main event of ChocoPro #16, a show put on by Emi Sakura’s Gatoh Move promotion. She posted afterwards that it was good for her to be able to wrestle that day, and, to Kimura, “You will live forever in my heart.”

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In early May, the NBA announced that both the 2020 draft lottery and combine were postponed. Given the global situation dictated by the COVID-19 pandemic, it came as no surprise that the league would push these events back and, in the case of the combine, it remains entirely possible that the event simply won’t take place.

While the overall impact on the movement of those gatherings remains up for debate, one reality is that NBA teams still don’t know the draft order for 2020. To be fair, reporting exists that many expect the draft itself to be pushed back from its current slot on June 25 but, even if that transpires, teams would certainly love to know when they will be picking when things (finally) get underway.

Some of the uncertainty is dictated by the league aiming to restart play on the regular season and, in short, the resumption of the regular season would seemingly place an extended hold on the lottery, simply because the pre-lottery order (and odds) would be tied directly to the final record of teams. Regardless, the standings have been identical for nearly two months at this juncture and, for now, the reverse order is the best we have to “project” the first round of the 2020 NBA Draft. With reports that a return to play with just playoff teams is gaining momentum, this may very well be the lottery order we end up with.

A decision on when the league will be back in action is expected to come along within the next week or so, and as such there’s some optimism that we will at least have an idea of what the draft will look like and when it will take place in the near future as well.

With that as the backdrop, it is time to weigh in with a glance at how the first round might look, beginning with the Golden State Warriors at the top, even while acknowledging that Golden State won’t have more than a 14 percent chance to remain at No. 1, even if the lottery happens without any change to the order.

1. Golden State Warriors – LaMelo Ball (G, Illawarra Hawks)

As noted, the Warriors may not land here and, if they do, the choice is exceptionally interesting. This isn’t a big board setting (though we have one for your perusal from the great Brian Schroeder) but, for me personally, Ball is the No. 1 player in the draft and that plays into this choice to some degree. From there, he would be intriguing with how he passes and feels the game, and it would be wild to see him operate an offense with Steph Curry and Klay Thompson flying around him. It has to be noted that Ball isn’t perfect for the Warriors, though, and Bob Myers and company may want a more complementary piece, even if that piece brings lower upside than Ball would if everything went perfectly.

2. Cleveland Cavaliers – Anthony Edwards (G, Georgia)

It would be accurate to say Edwards isn’t the best possible fit in Cleveland, but it would be a combination of best player available (at least in terms of creation upside) and a potential to pair with one of the Collin Sexton-Darius Garland duo long-term in the backcourt. Many have Edwards at No. 1 in this class, and that is defensible, leaving the Cavs with what is probably a relatively easy decision, even with some questions about how it might work.

3. Minnesota Timberwolves – Onyeka Okongwu (C/F, USC)

Candidly, I love Okongwu. He might be my favorite prospect in the class. This isn’t an absolutely perfect fit in that I believe Okongwu is probably best suited as a full-time center but, if you were going to pair him with a center on a semi-regular basis, it might be somebody like Karl-Anthony Towns. After all, Towns is the best three-point shooting center in NBA history and Okongwu could help him on the defensive end.

4. Atlanta Hawks – Killian Hayes (G, Ulm)

A plethora of mock drafts are tying the Hawks to a wing in this range and there is some logic in projecting someone like local product and Auburn wing Isaac Okoro. Honestly, Atlanta could go in a number of directions (including moving out of the fourth spot in a trade), simply because this isn’t a team with a glaring weakness on its roster. Ultimately, Hayes would be a “best player available” choice. While he isn’t a perfect fit alongside Trae Young, he does have enough size and skill level to play off the ball, though, and the Hawks should be in the market for a player that can act as the team’s offensive engine when Young heads to the bench for rest.

5. Detroit Pistons – James Wiseman (C, Memphis)

The Pistons are in a very strange place, and this wouldn’t be an ideal spot for them in the draft. Detroit is in desperate need of a primary creator but, with the three best options for that archetype off the board, they shift to simply taking the top-ranked player on many boards. Wiseman may not be the playoff game-changer that you’d ideally want, but NBA teams are buying in on his potential and the Pistons could be a natural landing spot.

6. New York Knicks – Obi Toppin (F/C, Dayton)

It would be undeniably hilarious if the Knicks drafted a combo big with this pick. I understand that. With that out of the way, New York may not be in love with the lead guard options that are still available in this scenario, and Toppin has significant appeal on the offensive end coming off his highly impressive final season in college. The logjam of bigs is mostly vets on short-term deals, so while this would elicit plenty of laughs, it wouldn’t be the abject disaster many would think initially.

7. Chicago Bulls – Tyrese Haliburton (G, Iowa State)

If the Bulls are tied to their frontcourt pairing of Wendell Carter and Lauri Markkanen, they probably can’t go to the well with a true big man here. Haliburton isn’t necessarily a perfect fit with Zach LaVine and Coby White, but he has a lot of connective tissue on the offensive side. Admittedly, this isn’t a pick I’m in love with, but sometimes that happens.

8. Charlotte Hornets – Deni Avdija (F, Maccabi Tel-Aviv)

Avdija could be off the board before this, as some organizations undoubtedly have a top-five grade on the 19-year-old forward. Other teams could be skeptical of his overall ceiling on either end, however, and that could push Avdija down the board a bit as teams fall in love with other pieces. Ultimately, he has the look of a long-term NBA rotation player, and the Hornets get a reasonable value.

9. Washington Wizards – Isaac Okoro (G/F, Auburn)

Washington can largely focus on best player available here, and Okoro might fit that bill. Beyond that, he is a prospect with a high defensive ceiling, and he could have appeal as a secondary creator next to Bradley Beal and/or John Wall.

10. Phoenix Suns – Cole Anthony (G, North Carolina)

The Suns are committed to Ricky Rubio for two more seasons, and that might scare them off another point guard option. Anthony falling to this spot might be intriguing, though, and his defense might be underrated at this juncture. He won’t be a game-changer on that end, but his offensive talents could pop playing alongside a lead creator in Devin Booker and the two could partner well in an optimal scenario.

11. San Antonio Spurs – Devin Vassell (G/F, Florida State)

Vassell would fit essentially anywhere. He may have real questions in terms of athleticism and on-ball creation offensively, but he’s a great off-ball defensive prospect and he can really shoot it. The Spurs pick up a value, and they should be able to maximize his talents.

12. Sacramento Kings – Aaron Nesmith (G/F, Vanderbilt)

The Kings don’t “need” a player like Nesmith necessarily, and that is especially true if they pay up for Bogdan Bogdanovic this summer. With that said, there is optimism in some circles that Nesmith can hold up defensively and, if that is true, his elite-level shooting should allow for a high-end supporting role that is malleable in any situation.

13. New Orleans Pelicans – Tyrese Maxey (G, Kentucky)

On my personal board, this would be an absolute heist for New Orleans. Maxey is a multi-talented combo guard that may have seen his stock fall a bit by the weirdness of his one and only season at Kentucky. He isn’t an overwhelmingly amazing fit, but Maxey can play, and it helps that he could be surrounded by Jrue Holiday and/or Lonzo Ball in some creative backcourt alignments.

14. Portland Trail Blazers – Patrick Williams (F, Florida State)

If a team buys into Patrick Williams’ shooting, this would be an appropriate draft slot. He’s young and raw, especially when compared to some of his contemporaries, but Williams is extremely athletic and projects as a quality defender. The Blazers need help on the wing in a desperate way, and he checks a lot of boxes for Portland, provided he comes into his own as a player.

15. Orlando Magic – Kira Lewis (PG, Alabama)

The Magic should still probably look for a point guard, even with Markelle Fultz’s development. Fultz also has really good size and burst, allowing him to play a bit in a non-lead role if his shooting stabilizes at all. As for Lewis, this might even be too low given what he brings to the table, especially if his body fills out a bit. He’s quite small but, even after two years of college, he’s young and talented.

16. Minnesota Timberwolves (via Brooklyn) – Saddiq Bey (F, Villanova)

This is a very popular mock selection and it honestly makes sense. Bey is a big-time shooter that projects as a competent role player at the next level. Minnesota should be in the market for someone of that archetype alongside their other key pieces.

17. Boston Celtics (via Memphis) – Precious Achiuwa (F/C, Memphis)

You can find people that believe Achiuwa should be a top-10 pick. You can also find people that believe he shouldn’t be a first-round pick. Some of that is his size. Some of that is the fact that he’s quite old for a freshman. Some of it is skill translation. I’ll split the difference and send him to a situation where the organization could help him maximize his talent.

18. Dallas Mavericks – Theo Maledon (G, ASVEL)

Maledon is definitely more of a combo guard at 6’4 and without a ton of traditional lead guard appeal. In Dallas, some of that tweener status wouldn’t matter much next to Luka Doncic, and his shooting is genuinely appealing.

19. Milwaukee Bucks (via Indiana) – Jalen Smith (F/C, Maryland)

This is a little early for Smith, but the fit is interesting. It is easy to trust his ability as a floor-spacer and, in Milwaukee, his defensive question marks (from a positional standpoint) would be mitigated playing next to Giannis. The Bucks might be looking for ready-made contributors and he would probably fit into that paradigm.

20. Brooklyn Nets (via Philadelphia) – Josh Green (G/F, Arizona)

The Nets are in a rare position where they don’t have to aim for upside given the presence of Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving. Green is divisive in some circles, but he checks a lot of role player boxes and would theoretically fit in Brooklyn. The “you can’t have too many wings” corollary also applies here.

21. Denver Nuggets (via Houston) – Zeke Nnaji (F/C, Arizona)

I don’t necessarily love Denver using a first-round pick on what amounts to a backup big projection. With that said, the Nuggets haven’t shied away from using significant resources in the same prototype (see Plumlee, Mason) and Nnaji would be a pretty good value. He could potentially play alongside Nikola Jokic as a floor-spacer and he could pair with some of their other options (like Michael Porter Jr.) as a backup center.

22. Philadelphia 76ers (via Oklahoma City) – Tyrell Terry (G, Stanford)

Terry is really small and he wasn’t “supposed” to be in the 2020 draft. What he can do, though, is shoot at a very high level. Philly could hide him defensively, and did I mention that Terry is a high-end shooter? The 76ers could use that skill set.

23. Miami Heat – Devon Dotson (G, Kansas)

Tre Jones is a popular mock pick in Miami, in part due to his defensive tools and the Heat’s development system valuing players with that kind of work ethic. Dotson is a significantly better offensive prospect, though, and teams seem to really like what they saw from him this season at Kansas. Miami doesn’t have a ton of “needs” and point guard may not be one, but Dotson would help them if Goran Dragic leaves in free agency.

24. Utah Jazz – Xavier Tillman (C, Michigan State)

This isn’t the best fit in the world because Tillman probably isn’t playing alongside Rudy Gobert with too much effectiveness. He would give Utah some options on the second unit, though, and Gobert won’t necessarily be in Salt Lake City forever. Moreover, Tillman is just good at basketball. That seems important.

25. Oklahoma City Thunder (via Denver) – RJ Hampton (G, New Zealand Breakers)

Practically, I don’t expect Hampton to fall this far. It does become difficult (at least using this draft order) to find him a slot if he slips out of the lottery, though, and he’d check a lot of boxes for the Thunder as something of a home run swing.

26. Boston Celtics – Aleksej Pokusevski (C/F, Olympicacos)

Scouts seem to be all over the place on Pokusevski. His upside is real because of his size and shooting projection, but he is (very) raw and things could go poorly. With that in mind, Pokusevski could easily fly off the board before this, but Boston has the flexibility to take a shot on his ceiling if they keep all three picks.

27. New York Knicks (via LA Clippers) – Jaden McDaniels (F, Washington)

McDaniels has a bunch of raw talent and there is a reason he was mentioned as a lottery pick before the season started. Based on his freshman season at Washington, he shouldn’t be a first-rounder but, considering the pre-college background, he probably will be. This might even be too low when it comes to trying to project where he’ll actually land.

28. Toronto Raptors – Isaiah Stewart (C, Washington)

Stewart wouldn’t be a first-rounder on my personal big board, but NBA teams still appear to be higher on him than I am. Through that lens, the Raptors make some sense as a team that could utilize him properly to get the most out of his tools.

29. Los Angeles Lakers – Grant Riller (G, Charleston)

Riller is quite old and I get the concern with that and the low level of competition. He is still an exceptionally interesting prospect as a big-time finisher and creator off the bounce. It will be interesting to see how NBA teams evaluate him in the next few weeks and months, but if you buy his shooting, Riller could justify an investment well before this. He’d also be a strong fit with the Lakers.

30. Boston Celtics (via Milwaukee) – Leandro Bolmaro (G/F, Barcelona 2)

As noted with the No. 26 pick, the Celtics are in a position to be aggressive and seek upside if they hold on to all three picks. Honestly, that scenario seems unlikely, but Boston would be a good place for Bolmaro to land. They would know how to develop him and, if it all clicks, the combination of size, creation and feel makes him quite intriguing.

Those graduating high school and college this year had their plans thrown off course when the pandemic led to schools and universities closing their campuses and moving online. But many celebrities and musicians joined to offer graduates a unique graduation ceremony with touching speeches from The Obamas as well as Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Lizzo, and more. Selena Gomez offered her own commencement speech specifically for graduates of immigrant families.

In her heartfelt speech, Gomez reminded graduates of their importance and congratulated them on their achievements:

“Congratulations to all of the immigrads. I know that this is a virtual ceremony, but it is very real. And it’s very real to all of the families, and all of you, and your communities. I want you guys to know that you matter. And that your experiences are a huge part of the American story.

When my family came here from Mexico, they set into motion my American story, as well as theirs. I’m a proud third-generation American-Mexican, and my family’s journey and their sacrifices helped me get to where I am today. Mine is not a unique story. Each and every one of you have a similar tale of becoming an American. So, regardless of where your family is from, regardless of your immigration status, you have taken action to earn an education, to make your families proud, and to open up your worlds.”

Along with being a musician and actor, Gomez has oftentimes used her public platform to promote the rights of immigrants. Last year, Gomez produced the Netflix docuseries Living Undocumented which offers an inside look into the experiences of immigrants in America.

Watch Gomez’s full commencement speech above.

Some of the artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Previously on Jesus Christ, Superstars: The Steiner Brothers have almost arrived, Crush gave a clown a “stiff warning” about making Marty Jannetty flinch with empty water buckets, and Bobby Heenan says dicks out for NARCISSUS.

If you’d like to watch this week’s episode, you can do that here, and you can support the column (so we’re allowed to keep writing it) by reading previous installments on our Jesus Christ, Superstars tag page.

If you like these, and our break from the normal Best and Worst format, make sure to share it around so it gets read and drop us a comment below. As a reminder, why can’t keep writing about stuff if you don’t click on it. We’re trying to run a wrestling jokes business over here!

Here’s what you missed 27 years ago on WWF Superstars for January 9, 1993.

Jobbers Of The Week

Getting sacrificed to the debuting Steiner Brothers this week are the Mullet Club of Butch Banks and Rock Werner. Here’s an alternate view of Rock’s massive horse hair ponytail to confirm his club membership.

On a fun note, Banks would eventually become the still hilariously named Hardcore Craig, an early-to-mid-2000s IWA Mid-South competitor dubbed the “Prince Of The Death Matches” by Ian Rotten. Not to be confused with the “Prince Of The Regular Matches,” who is either Prince Iaukea or Velveteen Dream depending on the era. I’m going to assume Craig’s love of dying during wrestling matches was developed during this encounter with the 1993 Steiner Brothers. You can read more about him on the wonderfully up-to-date HardcoreCraig.com. As for Rock, he continued wrestling until he was put out of business by the AOL/Time-Werner merger. Or, possibly, this clothesline:

Letting the Steiner Brothers wrestle WWF jobbers is like loosing two starving pitbulls on a free-range chicken farm.

Also returning this week is Red Tyler, fresh from sunbathing while wearing a ski mask. Brother looks like an inverted Donald Trump, with the stark white face and orange body. He loses the episode’s “main event” to Bam Bam Bigelow, and I’m sure there’s a joke in here somewhere about a man whose body and scalp are covered in fire destroying a guy who looks like he covered his face in a blanket to avoid a flash fire.

Top jobber honors this week go to George Petrovsky, seen here looking like he mistook his wife’s blouse for a cool leather jacket. I posted this picture on Twitter and asked people what they thought his gimmick was, and notable responses included, “Drew Magary,” “grilled cheese insult comic,” “if Kirby ate Alex Wright,” and “someone thinking about how good s’mores are after having one bite of a s’more.” My favorites were probably, “Pizza Hut reading program ambassador,” or the epic, “guy who intimidates ghosts so they stop haunting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

As it turns out, the gimmick we were looking for was, “Russian brute.” Here’s a clip of him in the AWA a few years earlier, taking on (of all people) a young, orange-faced Red Tyler. Did Red get tired of the sun making him look like he stuck his face in somebody’s exhaust pipe?

Regardless, it’s fun to think about how back in the day there were entire wrestling promotions made up of the guys doing enhancement duties on Superstars. Give me a version of WWE 2K where I can sim a year of Barry Horowitz as the LeBron James of a company featuring Duane Gill, Barry Hardy, Dark Destiny, and The Executioners. Playing as Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock for 20 years has run its course.

Scotty Zappa is back this week as Scott Zappa, completing his “Danny from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tell his dad he wants to be called Dan now” story arc. His gimmick is either that he’s a cop undercover at a 1980s high school, or the guy who didn’t make the cut to be one of the Bill Swerski Super Fans. He steps into the ring against The Undertaker, and is so beloved by the crowd that the children convince their parents to buy them $20 foam urns to hold up and happily celebrate Scott’s impending death and cremation.

Quick aside, I think WWF’s merch team had a running bet in the early ’90s to see who could make the most inappropriate foam item and sell it to children. So far we’ve seen a foam nightstick so children can pretend to violently abuse prisoners and foam piece of lumber that says “ho” across the front, and now we’ve got foam funerary jars. What’s next, the Nasty Boys selling foam Brian Knobbs armpits?

Child Realizing The Crushing Weight Of Their Own Mortality Of The Week

Jobbers Of The Week (Cont’d)

Finally here’s Todd Becker, who has upgraded his look from “latest graduate from the Kenny Powers Wrestling Academy” to “Charles Boyle if he was a vampire.”

Freed Savage Of The Week

Not to be confused with Kevin Arnold, who was the Fred Savage Of The Week.

Becker, seen here on the ground wearing capri pants that make him look like the carpet at a skating rink, loses to Kamala The Ugandan Giant. He doesn’t lose badly enough, apparently, so Kamala’s handlers get in the ring and start pushing Kamala around. Nothing motivates a face turn like, “the masked safari guy who stole you away from your jungle home isn’t happy about how little you understand about wrestling etiquette.” When the abuse becomes too much, Kamala’s bailed out by the Reverend Slick, who takes a punch to the face for him.

This turns out to be the most effective missionary work in WWF history, as Kamala realizes religion is the only thing that will bring him up from indentured servitude and attacks his oppressors. Seize the means of production, Kamala!

Brother’s Keeper Of The Week

Owen Hart gets one of those suspicious mid-carder sit-down interviews you just KNOW is going to end badly for him, where the only thing they can think to ask him is, “lately you’ve been a wrestler, how’s wrestling going for you?” They ask him about his brother Bret’s WWF Championship match against Razor Ramon at Royal Rumble, and somehow neither Owen nor senior fabulousness correspondent Raymond Rougeau can see 6-foot-7 man in a bright yellow vest standing just off-screen, waiting to attack.

Owen suffers the indignity of being both dressed like Grimace went to the gym and being fridged by his more important brother’s upcoming pay-per-view opponent to create drama. I’m sure no matter how many times shit like this happens, Owen will remain positive and dedicated to Bret and his family’s good name. And everyone’s leg will stay in their … leg.

Clown Nomenclature Of The Week

The mysterious clown who’s been causing UNBRIDLED CLOWNFOOLERY over the past several weeks (including tripping the Big Boss Man, getting Marty Jannetty wet, and blinding Tatanka with an errant mop) doesn’t do much this week besides spray Ray Rougeau in the eyes with a prank lapel flower — an easy prank to fall for in 1993, when everyone was still wearing oversized flowers on their lapel, especially while dressed like a goddamn circus clown — but we find out two important facts about him:

• he’s named Doink, after the noise a Tonberry makes when it finally gets close enough to stab you with a knife, and
• his greatest joy in life is putting smiles on people’s faces, WWE style, and then taking those smiles away. Also WWE style.

He will continue to pull these ghoulish, basic-ass pranks on peers and children despite last week’s STIFF WARNING from Crush, because (1) he’s literally a clown, and (2) what’s Crush gonna do about it, palm his head for a few seconds and tell him to stay in school? Come on.

Next Week Of The Week

Wait, wrong episode.

Also,

Bob Backlund? Max Moon? HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO GO OVER THIS, I’M NOT IN CHARGE.

Billie Eilish’s debut record When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? launched the young singer into stardom. The album’s hit single “Bad Guy” infamously knocked Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” out of its lengthy reign at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts. The album itself also reached No. 1 only two weeks after its release. Ever since, the record has continued to dominate the charts. But this week marks the first time Eilish’s album has ever fallen below the Top 20 on the Billboard 200 charts.

Eilish’s music career kicked into first gear after the singer released her debut record. Eilish had already cultivated a buzz surrounding her music, but songs like “Bad Guy” and “Bury A Friend” earned the singer constant airplay. Following its debut in March of 2019, Eilish’s record remained in the Top 20 for an astounding 59 weeks.

While the record has officially fallen below the Top 20, the album awarded Eilish with a number of accolades. Eilish went on to sweep all four major categories at this year’s Grammys, making her the youngest musician to ever achieve the feat. Four of the record’s singles became certified Platinum in the US, including “Bad Guy,” “Bury a Friend,” “Wish You Were Gay,” and “All the Good Girls Go to Hell.”

Eilish’s record debuted over a year ago and the singer has already set her sights on the future. Eilish has detailed her time spend in quarantine, saying that she’s working on new music and has even finished a few songs. But Eilish is also reveling in her success and enjoying her feat of creating one of the most commercially successful albums of 2019 by taking a much-needed break while at home in isolation.

Rap and rappers are often criticized for the (erroneous) perception that they glorify drug use — at least in comparison to other genres — but usually, the references are confined to alcoholic beverages and copious amounts of weed. On the harder end of the spectrum, there are narcotic cough syrups and opiates like percocet, xanax, and other anti-anxiety medications or painkillers, but with even arguably the biggest proponents of drug use in hip-hop slowing their use, it looks like there are fewer examples to support the rap drug use argument than ever.

However, that hasn’t stopped one rappers from trying to find new ways to get high. YSL Records rapper Gunna, whose mentor Young Thug once found the most original way to imbibe lean, worried fans when apparently did a whippit — a nitrous oxide charger — during an Instagram Live session. Folks have inhaled nitrous oxide for recreational use for a long time, but in general, the visibility of the drug isn’t that high. While nitrous isn’t inherently toxic, long-term use can have serious side-effects and the drug can be habit-forming. In addition, the canisters used for food applications like whipped cream (like the one being used by Gunna) can have industrial byproducts in them, increasing the danger.

Fans who witnessed the video had varied reactions, from observing the potentially hazardous side effects of prolonged use to cracking jokes about the creative direction on his new album, Wunna.

While using nitrous oxide to get high isn’t super fatal — only a handful of deaths occur each year — the recent overdoses of rappers like Juice WRLD, Mac Miller, Lil Peep, and others have highlighted the dangers of drug use for hip-hop fans. Maybe Gunna and those around him can learn from those examples and find more constructive ways to enjoy their free time. At least, they could keep off social media and out of the view of impressionable young fans.

Watch Gunna’s concerning video and see fans’ worried responses above.

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Just trying to make Marie Kondo proud.

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“Caught my daughter packing turds into cardboard toilet paper tubes and hiding them under the sink. She called them ‘poop bombs.'”

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