I volunteer as tribute…to eat some broccoli cheddar soup.

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When the calendar flips to June, the NBA is expected to put a more firm plan in place for a return to basketball, with teams being able to officially recall players and begin preparations for the bubble league at Disney World in Orlando.

There have been a number of options floated by league insiders as to what that will look like, from a truncated regular season for all 30 teams to get everyone to the magic 70-game number that gets the majority of local TV revenue into their pockets to simply bringing in the 16 playoff teams to limit the amount of people brought to the bubble.

The latter concept seems to be gaining steam, as ESPN’s Brian Windhorst explained on Get Up! on Monday morning, noting that not only could they go straight into the playoffs, but they also might finally use this as a testing platform for seeding the postseason without conference designation since there’s no issue of travel with everyone at one location.

“I really think there’s a good chance this is only going to be a 16-team playoff,” Windhorst said. “If that is the case, it opens up the possibility for something that Adam Silver has long wanted, which is to seed 1 through 16 in the postseason and go that route. There’s no excuse with travel or anything like that. It would have to pass an owner vote, and that means a bunch of Eastern Conference owners would have to agree to it. But if there’s a way to make this interesting and spice this up and potentially test out this theory, you’re never going to get a better opportunity if that’s the direction they go.”

It would be interesting if they went this route, and this year might be the easiest year to get everyone on board with this idea because the 16 teams would be evenly split between East and West, as Orlando edges out Portland by 1.5 games currently for that 16th seed. If they were to debut that format, you would end up with four cross conference matchups if they seed based on current standings and the bracket would look like this.

1. Milwaukee Bucks vs. 16. Orlando Magic
8. Miami Heat vs. 9. Oklahoma City Thunder
4. Los Angeles Clippers vs. 13. Dallas Mavericks
5. Boston Celtics vs. 12. Philadelphia 76ers

2. Los Angeles Lakers vs. 15. Brooklyn Nets
7. Utah Jazz vs. 10. Houston Rockets
3. Toronto Raptors vs. 14. Memphis Grizzlies
6. Denver Nuggets vs. 11. Indiana Pacers

There are certainly some intriguing matchups, particularly Heat-Thunder, and you also get some big-time in-conference battles like Utah-Houston (where Houston would likely be heavily favored with the Jazz down Bogdanovic and potentially Ingles) and Celtics-Sixers. The biggest point of issue, from an entertainment standpoint, is the Clippers and Lakers being on opposite brackets and, as such, potentially missing out on the showdown everyone was hoping to see in the Western Conference playoffs.

The league could test the new format and gauge the interest of fans and whether the teams in the league liked the shake up to determine if it’s something worth pursuing going forward, even when accounting for travel challenges.

Barcelona’s premier music festival Primavera Sound was slated to celebrate its 20th year as a festival in a big way. The organizers had planned on bringing Primavera Sound to LA this year in order to offer “the Primavera Sound spirit and vibe to cities with a similar feel: creative, colorful and welcoming.” However, following the trend of nearly every other major festival, Primavera Sound has announced they are canceling their LA debut and opting to reschedule the festival next year.

Primavera Sound was booked for the weekend of September 19 this year in LA’s State Historic Park. The organizers had wanted to celebrate two decades as a festival by expanding their event to other cities. But after postponing their Barcelona iteration, which was going to take place in June, Primavera Sound has also decided to cancel their LA event. Instead, Primavera Sound will wait until 2021 to come to LA.

In a statement posted to social media, Primavera Sound announced the festival cancelation. The LA lineup had not yet been unveiled, but the festival said those who purchased Early Bird tickets are able to transfer their passes to next year’s event. “Until then, please stay safe and take care of each other,” organizers wrote. “The festival team continues to work intensively so that, in 2021, we can celebrate something more than just the Feist edition fo Primavera Sound Los Angeles: meeting beach other and dancing together for the first time.”

Read the festival’s full statement above and find more information on ticket refunds here.

Knicks legend and current Georgetown head men’s basketball coach Patrick Ewing announced over the weekendp that he had tested positive for COVID-19 and was in the hospital due to symptoms from the virus.

At 57 years old, the Hall of Famer is at the age more at risk to serious complications from the virus — although it must always be noted that there have been a number of cases of younger people that have been very serious — and as such there was a great deal of concern when he made his announcement. Happily, Ewing appears to be improving and is out of the hospital, as his son Patrick Ewing Jr. offered a statement of thanks to the hospital staff and to the public for their well wishes for his father.

It’s very good news that Ewing is back at home and seeing his condition steadily improve, but his case also serves as yet another cautionary tale that there is still a great deal of risk of the virus spreading even after two months of varying stay-at-home orders, many of which are now being rescinded or loosened. For the sports world, it’s a reminder that plans to reopen must not only consider the risks for the players, but also coaches and others that fall into more at-risk populations.

Rihanna has come a long way since her breakout single “Pon De Replay.” Not only has the singer been awarded 9 Grammys and a number of other accolades, but Rihanna has gone on to launch two successful brands, done a great deal of charity work, and has become the world’s wealthiest female musician. Now, 15 years after her debut single, Rihanna shares with fans a reflection on her time in the music industry.

Rihanna was first launched into the industry when she arrived at Def Jam 15 years ago to audition for Jay-Z. Rihanna sang him a demo of what would become her breakout hit, “Pon De Replay,” and the rest is history. Reflecting on her career anniversary, Rihanna offered a heartfelt note of gratitude to fans and everyone who has supported her career along the way:

“Man this feels trippy. Feels like just yesterday I was shaking in the hallways of Def Jam waiting to audition for Jay. Pon de Replay is where it all began….15 years later and I’m here because God led me to you, and you guys have held me up, supported me, tolerated me, loved me, kept it too real with me, and we got always be connected because of that!”

Now that Rihanna has celebrated 15 years in the music industry, hopefully the singer decides it’s time to release new music, which she has been taunting fans with. Most recently, Rihanna teased fans by saying she “lost” her record, but just a few months ago she had admitted that she was working “very aggressively” on new music.

Read Rihanna’s full statement above.

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The ‘Billions’ Stock Watch is a weekly accounting of the action on the Showtime drama. Decisions will be made based on speculation and occasional misinformation and mysterious whims that are never fully explained to the general public. Kind of like the real stock market.

STOCK DOWN — Yonkers

Real full-circle swing from Axe this week, starting with his visit to his old house in Yonkers that was supposed to be a glorified photoshoot to gas up his move on the area’s Opportunity Zone, moving to him catching feelings and waves of nostalgia after meeting young Savion and seeing his old Main Street, then swinging right back to embarrassment and hatred for his roots once Mike Prince dropped a passive-aggressive phone call on him from the steps of the damn Met. It was an arc that tells you everything you could ever need to know about Bobby Axelrod.

The main takeaway is something we knew but Axe tries to keep hidden at all times: he is, at heart, an insecure little boy. That’s why he pushes so hard all the time, that’s why he overcompensates with models and penthouses, and that’s why it took only a reference to the stench of Yonkers sticking to him still — from a beloved, high school sports hero, prince of the city, tuxedo-clad rival — to send him bailing on his sweet dinner with Savion’s family. What do you think he did immediately after leaving Chef Ryan there? My best guess is “drove himself home at 120mph and then bought a Picasso for $170 million,” just in the most transparent attempt to prove to himself and the world that he’s a big fancy Manhattan man with big fancy tastes and big fancy class oozing out of his big fancy orifices.

It was the first time in a while that I felt… I don’t want to say I felt “bad” for Axe because he’s still a predator who will probably end up gutting Yonkers to make enough money to cover his hypothetical impulse Picasso purchase and then some. But it was a nice reminder that there is a reason that he’s the way he is. This is why he ruined that headmaster last week, because he’s both envious of and resentful toward anyone with status. He craves their approval but also hates them. It’s a whole thing. He’s not just an evil monster for no reason. He’s an evil monster because he’s a broken little boy at heart.

STOCK UP — Mike Prince

Love this guy. Love that he refused to fall prey to Chuck’s temptations to trap Axe. Love that he plays hoops with Dominique Wilkins. Love that he destroyed Axe’s entire self-worth with one phone call on his way into a fancy gala that Axe was not invited to, apparently. Love that he has a dark side he fights to keep bottled up. Love that his stories about following the lead of his better angels also involve casual mentions of dropping 60 points in a single high school basketball game. I’m starting to wish the entire show was about him.

That said, yes, I know, this will end poorly for Sweet Mike. It has to. Between multiple people waving temptation in front of his face and Billions‘ general season-long arcs of “Axe finds adversary, adversary scores some small victories, Axe ruins adversary,” Mike Prince does not stand a chance. You can see it coming. He’s going to get in too deep with Axe, he’s going to make some shady maneuver in an attempt to get the upper hand, and he’s going to fall right into Axe’s trap. He’s like a boxer tangling with a nasty street fighter. As long as they’re in the ring with a referee, he’s fine. If they go at it in some bar, though, Bobby is smashing a beer bottle on the table and gutting him with the jagged half. You hate to see it.

STOCK DOWN — Franklin Sacker

Three notes regarding Axe’s recruitment of Franklin Sacker:

1. Shoutout to Shark Tank’s Daymond John, who made an appearance as himself this week and immediately called out Axe for his hilariously transparent race play over a plate of Eggs Benedict. I loved this. Billions could use more cameos by famous people who drop by for 90 seconds to tell Axe he’s a piece of crap. Let’s get, oh, I don’t know… Helen Mirren next. Cook his ass, Helen.

2. It says a lot about me that, after the Daymond fiasco when Axe and Wags were frantically searching for another diverse face from or with ties to Yonkers to sit on the board of Axe’s Opportunity Zone thing, my first reaction was to scream “GET DMX.” I mean, Franklin Sacker was a better option, both for Axe and for the ongoing plot of the show for reasons we will discuss in point number three, but still. I hope he was at least on the list.

3. I am giddy about the possibility of Kate Sacker ruining her father and then becoming a political phenom. I am not joking even a little when I say I want her to become president on the show. She is my favorite main character by a factor of 10. I hope she vets Connerty as a running mate just to get his hopes up before yoinking it away from him, because even in a season he has not appeared a single time, Connerty remains the Charlie Brown of the show.

STOCK UP — Ambushing your enemies by jumping out from behind a hidden door

Just once. Just one time. Just one single time in my entire stupid life would I like to do this, to lie in wait as my nemesis lays out his plan to defeat me, to let him get deep enough into it to think he’s on the verge of winning, and then — with the dramatic flair of a soap opera character who was assumed to be dead — appear from behind a hidden door to deflate all his plans. God, can you imagine the power? The unfiltered diesel energy that must immediately flow through your veins with the force of the thundering Mississippi River. I bet it’s a bigger rush than skydiving. Someone should set up a service that charges for it. I would pay at least $100 to do it once. I’d pay $500 for a half dozen. My friends would get so sick of it.

FRIEND: [walks into room] What’s this all about?

ACTOR: I have a proposition for you. You see, an opport-

FRIEND: Oh, Jesus Christ. This again. Brian, are you hiding behind that wall?

ME: [hiding behind wall] … no?

STOCK UP — The white-hot flames of sexual tension

Congratulations to the tortured artist played by Frank Grillo and the sex professor played by Julianna Margulies for sliding their symmetrical and very intense faces between the feuding Rhoadeses.

STOCK DOWN — Wags as we know him, perhaps

It is somehow both shocking and not surprising at all that Wags would look at his children, see one who dances for money and another who baptizes sinners in a river, and say “Screw this, I’m starting over.” Not “I want to work hard to fix these broken relationships” or “I should talk to Wendy to get advice on how to correct my past mistakes.” None of that. He jumped straight to “I’m going to find a smoking hot 24-year-old on Tinder and have a baby with her.”

He has such a fascinatingly broken brain. It’s like he can identify the problem (“I was a bad father to my children”) but is incapable of jumping to the right conclusion. This is going to end terribly. Everyone knows it. Wags knows it, too. He knows it somewhere. Probably. Maybe. This poor baby.

STOCK UP — Chef Ryan

Really just a great episode for Chef Ryan, who is now probably my favorite side character. Serving dinner for Axe and Wendy in the penthouse, making the aforementioned Eggs Benedict in the office (please do picture him making a delicious Hollandaise sauce on a dorm-style hot plate in the AxeCap kitchen), and then going in on a kamikaze mission to serve a delicious dinner to Savion’s family in Yonkers after Axe had a class crisis and fled for his glass-walled lair. Seems like a really good dude. Always pleasant, always carrying food. I could use a Chef Ryan in my life. We all could.

With all sports (and sports-entertainment) leagues currently hurting for new content to keep audiences engaged, networks are pulling out the big guns: Multi-part documentaries of some of their most iconic athletes. And what The Last Dance is to the NBA, Undertaker: The Last Ride is is to the WWE Universe. This five-part docuseries, airing exclusively on the WWE Network every Sunday through mid-June, follows the journey of the Undertaker from the days before his WrestleMania 33 match in 2017 until, presumably, present day.

We at With Spandex will be watching along with the rest of you every Sunday and distilling each episode down in our new recap, Ride Or Die. Here’s what we learned from episode three of The Last Ride.

Previously on The Last Ride: We learned that the Undertaker hated his retirement match against Roman Reigns, he had hip surgery to try and recover, and Primo Colon — Primo Colon! — was an essential part of his comeback.

The Undertaker Was Disappointed In His WrestleMania 34 Match

Have you guys noticed a pattern developing yet? Mark Calaway, the man, cannot let the Undertaker, the character, ride off into the sunset because there is always something wrong with his latest match. Maybe he was out of shape. Maybe he found a brown M&M in a bowl of green M&Ms backstage. Or, in the case of his WrestleMania 34 match against John Cena, he didn’t feel like he got enough time:

“Professionally it was fine, personally it left me a little empty… I was prepared to do a 30-minute match. If it had happened with Cena, there’s probably a good chance I could’ve walked away and been okay. It was a three-minute match, whaddya gonna do?”

At least we got to find out that Calaway’s daughter’s favorite wrestler is John Cena, and she was upset her dad “crushed” him. That’s good shit, pal.

The WWE Propaganda Machine Finally Rears Its Ugly Head

It was only a matter of time before The Last Ride got to Saudi Arabia, and like all things Saudi Arabia, it is handled with kid gloves topped with oven mitts covered in bubble wrap. Everybody knows the No. 1 reason why WWE runs these shows is an exorbitant amount of money. Nothing any talent says about it being an “honor to be invited” will ever ring true. They’re paydays, folks. Just own it.

It’s even funnier watching Taker, a guy who is so clearly pro-‘Merica, trying to diplomatically talk about the cultural benefits of going to Saudi Arabia, as if this isn’t what comes up when you Google Nine Line Apparel, the clothing line he so proudly has been dousing himself in:

“IT’S MUCH MORE THAN GETTING DRESSED EVERYDAY, IT’S ABOUT BEING PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU WEAR, AND HOW YOU WALK THROUGH LIFE. WE ARE RELENTLESSLY PATRIOTIC. WE HOLD NO PUNCHES, WE DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR OUR LOVE OF COUNTRY, WE ARE AMERICA’S NEXT GREATEST GENERATION.”

Buzz, your girlfriend: Woof.

The Undertaker Isn’t Exactly Friends With Triple H And Shawn Michaels

A huge chunk of chapter three is spent discussing WrestleManias 25 through 28, in which the Undertaker faced Shawn Michaels twice and then Triple H twice, with all three men discussing just how proud they were of these contests. But the episode also makes a point to show that while Taker is friendly with both of these men, they’re not exactly his friends. “We don’t have a day-to-day buddy-buddy hangout,” says Triple H, immediately after mentioning Taker stood up in his wedding. “Do we call each other every day and see how our lives are going? No,” responds Taker, because he probably thinks TRUE PATRIOTS DON’T HAVE FRIENDS, THEY HAVE BROTHERS or something probably equally as silly.

There’s something distinctly beautiful and kind of depressing watching these three legit legends talk about this business, knowing their hyper-masculinity (at least on Triple H and Taker’s part, not so much Shawn Michaels’ anymore) prevents them from being normal people with normal emotions. Everything has to be the most serious thing ever or inane locker room bullshitting (see how mad Taker gets when he gets beaten by WWE trainer Larry Heck at gin). There’s no middle ground for regular, normal friendships. It’s sad, really. I hope Michelle McCool encourages Mark Calaway to see a therapist after all of this is said and done.

Right! So. Taker/Shawn 1. Both men describe the match as “magic,” with Triple H saying, “It was the greatest thing I had ever seen,” and Steve Austin calling it “storytelling at its finest.” They follow it up at Mania 26 with another classic that put Michaels out to pasture — at least until Saudi Arabia came knocking.

“Everybody is amazed that I’ve stayed retired,” says Michaels in a talking-head interview clearly filmed before Crown Jewel 2018. “I’m so envious of Shawn because he was able to walk away from it,” Taker remarks. Of course, blood money pulls all three men plus [checks notes] Knox County Mayor Glenn Jacobs, who at one point used to wrestle as [checks notes again] Kane, back together for a so-so main event in Australia and a colossal disaster of a main event in Riyadh.

Everybody Hated The Crown Jewel Main Event

While The Last Ride makes no mention of it, Crown Jewel 2018 was especially contentious due to the murder of journalist Jamal Kashoggi by the Saudi Arabian government weeks beforehand, with calls for the cancellation of the event falling upon Vince McMahon’s deaf ears. Maybe that added more than its fair share of bad juju to the evening, because good lord, this match sucked so hard, even in “highlights” form.

At least everyone involved knew it was terrible too:

TRIPLE H: “It couldn’t have gone any worse.”
THE UNDERTAKER: “It was a total trainwreck, it was a disaster.”
SHAWN MICHAELS: “It totally blew.”

For an episode that was largely uncontroversial, compared to the first two, it was nice to see at least some honesty shine through in The Last Ride‘s final minutes. And as always, we can count on Michelle McCool to spit truth:

“It’s a vicious cycle of I know he’s not going to be happy with his performance so he has to redeem himself… Especially after 30 years you want to leave on something that just felt right. [WrestleMania 34] could’ve been it. But he wasn’t ready.”

So now we all have to wait until the Undertaker is ready. Ironic, since the the Grim Reaper usually doesn’t wait for anyone.

Also, This Happened

Next week on The Last Ride: Nothing! Apparently, the next episode won’t air until June 14, and it will focus around a performance the Undertaker describes as “catastrophic” – his match with Goldberg. You won’t wanna miss this one.

Thanks to his established lo-fi aesthetic, Jpegmafia is proving to be one of the most quarantine-proof artists around. Where many of his contemporaries have had to shut down production or resort to animation to get their new videos out, Peggy’s been dropping one after the other with impressive consistency and surprisingly varied concepts. In previous videos, he’s tried his hand at late-night R&B, gone on midnight cruises, and even ceded his cellphone spotlight to guest rappers.

Today, he shared his latest video, “Cutie Pie!” which takes a slightly different tack. This video finds him embracing social distanced by leaving the city behind, wandering around the desert and rapping a pair of tightly-wound, wordy verses over a jazz-influenced beat produced by Peggy himself. The song finds him taunting rival rappers, “You n****s trash still slavin’ away on Sylenth / Matter of fact, you slaves no matter who n****s sign with.” Clearly, he has little use for a record deal himself, considering the independent success of his last two albums, Veteran and All My Heroes Are Cornballs.

When he’s not spitting fiery battle raps, Jpeg is also an accomplished producer, contributing tracks to IDK, Danny Brown, and more.

Watch Jpegmafia’s “Cutie Pie!” video above.

Warning: This post includes a major spoiler for The Empire Strikes Back, a movie you may have already seen.

Last week The Empire Strikes Back turned 40. Mazel tov! There was much rejoicing over social media and in online publications, not the least from one of social media’s most popular figures, Mark Hamill. One would assume that a carcass as popular as the first Star Wars sequel would have been picked to death by now, all its secrets made public. But there’s still tiny trivia morsels to be had, as Hamill proved Sunday.

It’s long been well-known, of course, that the Empire Strikes Back top brass managed to keep its big twist a secret up until wide release through simple deceit: When shooting the climactic duel between Hamill’s Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, the major reveal was that Obi-Wan Kenobi had killed his father, not that his father was Vader himself. But we didn’t know that Hamill was one of only three people, along with George Lucas and director Irvin Kirshner, who knew the truth that early. And keeping stum about that, Hamill said, was “agony.”

Hamill only revealed this after a fan (with the handle “Mark Hamill fangirl,” as it were) tweeted that she “would’ve also liked to have seen the cast/crew’s reaction when they first heard about this epic plot twist.” For that matter, how did everyone react when Vader actor David Prowse blurted out that Alec Guinness’ kindly Obi-Wan was a papa killer? That’s a bombshell, too!

(Via EW)