Who’s killed more people over the years: Stephen King or Jason Voorhees? It’s King (The Stand alone wiped out 99.4% of the world’s population), so let’s re-frame the question: who’s killed more horny teens, King or Voorhees? Now it’s a toss-up. The horror author has published over 60 novels and hundreds of short stories, but on Sunday night, he was preoccupied with the “best novel” he “never wrote.” It’s about Jason.

That would up both their body counts, horny teens or otherwise.

“The best novel idea I never wrote (and probably never will) is I JASON, the first-person narrative of Jason [Voorhees], and his hellish fate: killed over and over again at Camp Crystal Lake,” King tweeted to his 5.9 million followers. “What a hellish, existential fate!”

King continued, “Just thinking about the legal thicket one would have to go through to get permissions makes my head ache. And my heart, that too. But gosh, shouldn’t someone tell Jason’s side of the story? Blumhouse could do it as a movie.”

Happy Death Day meets Friday the 13th? Would watch.

King’s idea has the support of comedian Patton Oswalt, who offered his own horror novel suggestions. “Aaaaaaaand… I want this novel RIGHT NOW,” he tweeted. “Let’s do one of those Ace paperback ‘doubles.’ My half will be either LEATHERFACE: HOW TO MAKE AN AMERICAN QUILT or MICHAEL MYERS: BABYSITTERS, CLUBBED.” C’mon Patton, Pinhead should obviously be the one to teach how to make a quilt.

Alas, it’s unlikely King’s I, Jason will ever hit bookstores, as the rights to the Friday the 13th franchise have been stuck in a place scarier than actual Hell: legal hell.

It was a big weekend for Sia, but not in a good way. She confused Nicki Minaj for Cardi B on Twitter, and given the public spats those two have had over the years, fans of the rappers did not take that well.

In a now-deleted tweet, a fan posted a picture of Minaj and asked Sia if she would like to collaborate with the rapper. Sia, mistaking Minaj for Cardi B, responded, “I love @iamcardib and although this isn’t a collaboration, I would love to COLLAB with her any day!”

Thinking she sparked a feud between the two, Sia wrote in a since-deleted tweet, “Hey @iamcardib @NICKIMINAJ you aren’t thinking about a feud right now are you? We are focused on the problem of systemic racism.” She added in another tweet that was also deleted, “I don’t give a sh*t about feuds, George Floyd was f*cking murdered. Breonna Taylor. Murdered. Come on let’s rise in unity. You think @iamcardib and Nikki are so petty that they would want you focusing on a silly feud instead of REAL NEWS.”

This also caused blackface allegations to re-emerge due to old photos of Sia with black coloring on her face. Sia didn’t comment on that over the weekend, but she previously addressed it in 2019, sharing a performance video from 2011 and writing on Twitter, “For the swift fans trying to make out that I would ever do blackface please see this video. I was painting myself into the backdrop, it was a pre cursor to the wig…” Sia addressed the images then because Taylor Swift fans brought them up, after Sia tweeted a message of support for Scooter Braun in mid-2019.

Later, Sia apologized for her Minaj-Cardi mix-up, tweeting, “I totally misunderstood a tweet earlier that has resulted in me making a buffoon out of myself. Sorry @NICKIMINAJ and @iamcardib if you hear about it. Can I just like you both?”

Sia’s busy weekend on Twitter came not long after she guested on The Tonight Show and performed “Together.”

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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It’s never surprising to see John Oliver remind his audience that he not a fan of Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. Yet when Oliver fixates upon something (just ask Adam Driver), he can really get going, and that’s exactly what’s happening with his Carlson distaste. For the third consecutive week, Oliver’s taking on the “sentient polo mallet” after not one but two “f*ck you”s, and this time, it’s a particularly comedic affair.

In the opening moments of Last Week Tonight (which HBO has declined to post on YouTube, although the deep dive on facial recognition is available), Oliver highlighted Carlson’s raging fit over Sesame Street taking a stance against police brutality and in favor of the Black Lives Matter movement. Carlson, as ludicrous as it sounds, lashed out last week over a pair of puppets, who were ultimately discussing why institutionalized racism has led to protests. He was entirely outraged to see this happening on a kids’ TV show — “Got that, Bobby? America is a very bad place and it’s your fault … So no matter what happens, no matter what they do to you when you grow up, you have no right to complain” — and Oliver is here to tell “giant baby” Tucker to simmer down:

“F*ck off, Tucker, you one-man homeowner’s association … that unspecified ‘they’ in ‘what they do to you when you grow up’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. There’s basically two options for what that could mean. One, that Tucker and his viewers have benefited from a racist system that renders any specifications of who they are unnecessary. Or two, that his show is a badly written piece of garbage.”

This led to Oliver asking, “So which is it, Tucker? Are you a racist or are you a total f*cking moron?” And of course, Oliver conceded that the answer could be “both,” so there you have it. We might never see a Tucker-Elmo face off on the red puppet’s upcoming late-night talk show on HBO Max, but at least John Oliver got the ball rolling for the HBO team.

You can watch Sunday night’s Facial Recognition deep dive below.

Over the weekend, Sons of Anarchy actor Ron Perlman got into a Twitter-skirmish with Trump ally Matt Gaetz after the politician targeted the U.S. soccer teams for repealing Policy 604-1, which requires players to stand during the national anthem.

“The US Soccer team called and you guessed it… said they couldn’t give any less of a f*ck about what you two dipsh*ts think,” Perlman tweeted, referring to Trump and Gaetz, who replied, “This racial justice warrior had no problem in Hollywood portraying the White Supremacist leader of a motorcycle gang.” For one thing, Clay Marrow wasn’t a white supremacist, so get your SoA facts straight; also, Gaetz picked the wrong fight, as Perlman is funnier, has more followers, and his tag-team partner isn’t Ted Cruz.

After Perlman tweeted that Gaetz should feel “lucky” for Ohio representative Jim Jordan, because “if it weren’t for him, you’d be the ugliest politician walking,” Cruz wrote, “Listen Hellboy. You talk good game when you’ve got Hollywood makeup & stuntmen. But I’ll bet $10k — to the nonpolitical charity of your choice — that you couldn’t last 5 min in the wrestling ring w/ @Jim_Jordan w/o getting pinned. You up for it? Or does your publicist say too risky?” Ted isn’t volunteering to step into the ring himself — he’s making someone else do it, which is a very Ted Cruz thing to do, as is the “non-political charity.”

Perlman had a better idea:

Listen Hellboy: that’s a great idea. Cruz (and “problematic” Jordan) has yet to respond.

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Halsey’s Manic, which she released at the top of the year, is a fully fleshed-out effort that gives fans of it plenty to explore. Aside from the core 16-song tracklist, various editions of the album also include bonus material. An extra track on the Japanese edition, for example, is a brief tune called “Wipe Your Tears.” Halsey was in a giving mood over the weekend, so she decided to share “the full OG version” of the song.

Instead of hitting streaming services, Halsey revealed the track on Twitter, seemingly without permission from her label or whatever powers that be. Sharing a screen recording of the audio playing on her phone, Halsey wrote, “prolly gon get in trouble for this but, happy pride ! here’s the full OG version of wipe your tears. my favorite wlw song of mine that ended up on a special release of Manic. if it gets taken down it ain’t my fault.” The track addresses a girl who is the object of Halsey’s admiration.

Halsey previously explained why the song didn’t make it onto the core Manic tracklist, saying, “It was really hard deciding which songs were going to be exclusive to different versions of the album. But I ultimately ended up putting ‘Wipe Your Tears’ and ‘I’m Not Mad’ as bonus tracks because even though I really wanted to keep them, they felt the least essential to the plot that I was trying to get across, because they were so much about other people. And even though there are songs on Manic about my experiences with others, I really wanted the journey to feel cohesive, as being about me, and about myself, and my discovery.”

Listen to the early version of “Wipe Your Tears” above.

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