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‘UFC 4’ Is The Most Ready-To-Play UFC Game Yet

While each of the last two iterations of the UFC video game saw relative upgrades over its predecessors, UFC 4 feels like the most significant jump of them all. The game added simplified striking, a new, straightforward submission system, an overhauled career mode, and new fighting environments, making one of the biggest jumps in the series.

After a few hours of gameplay, it’s clear that career mode is the star of this year’s game. Options are endless as you take your fighter on paths you choose: from deciding to fight as an amateur, to the WFA and Dana White’s Contender Series. There’s less concern about picking a camp based on technique, and you can really work on your all-around game with a variety of different training partners and UFC fighters. I haven’t encountered any real-time injuries just yet, but there’s plenty of time for my character to blow out his knee. What I can say is making friends and enemies through social has been a blast, and there’s a sense of realism in fans hitting your mentions and taunting your character even after you achieve a first-round knockout.

UFC 4 is no slouch when it comes to gameplay, either, with the much-needed introduction of Dynamic Striking Inputs. Taking from other combat games, a simple press of the button tosses out a quick strike, while holding the button down throws a slower, but more damaging shot.

“We made the controls everywhere we could less cumbersome, less daunting to learn for new or lapsed players. That includes updates to the striking control scheme, a tap and hold system. We used to have a control scheme, where there are so many strikes you can throw in an MMA fight, we had trouble finding real estate to throw these distinct strikes,” said Brian Hayes, Creative Director for UFC 4, in an interview with Uproxx. “There were times where you used to hold down five buttons at the same time to throw one strike. There’s a lot of complexities there. So with the new Dynamic Striking, there’s no strike in the game that, I believe, requires you to hold down more than three buttons at the same time.”

The presentation of those shots includes more blood splatter and a much clearer indicator if your fighter has been rocked. While the commentary team of Daniel Cormier and Jon Anik lose their minds after a devastating blow, players will see, hear, and feel the impact of a fight-changing shot.

The standup game feels like a nice upgrade, but the clinch system is a mixed bag. I love not having to play the mini-game to transition in and out of the clinch, but things happen so fast once you’ve locked up with your opponent thay it doesn’t feel like you have enough time to make a real impact.

Where UFC 4 really sees the biggest upgrades from a pick-up-and-play standpoint comes on the ground. While legacy players can still use the more advanced controls, holding the right stick left, up, or right can transition fighters into a submission attempt, to get up, or to move into a ground-and-pound position, respectively. The submission attempts are simplified as well, moving away from the two-stick system (it’s still there for legacy players) and instead to one of two basic mini-games. Players also have the ability to strike from the submission phase or deploy a high-impact slam to escape. In an overhauled ground-and-pound system, players pick their spots from the top, while opponents have more tools like head movement and well-timed counter transitions from their backs.

How fighters use these skills is partly dependent on their constantly changing ratings, which UFC 4 introduced this year in partnership with Daniel Cormier.

  1. Amanda Nunes, 5
  2. Jon Jones, 5
  3. Khabib Nurmagomedov, 5
  4. Valentina Schevchenko, 5
  5. Henry Cejudo, 4.5
  6. Israel Adesanjay, 4.5
  7. Weili Zhang, 4.5
  8. Stipe Miocic, 4.5
  9. Georges St-Pierre, 4.5
  10. Kamaru Usman, 4.5
  11. Demetrious Johnson, 4.5
  12. Alex Volkanowski, 4.5
  13. Max Holloway, 4.5
  14. Jorge Masvidal, 4.5
  15. TJ Dillashaw, 4.5
  16. Daniel Cormier, 4.5
  17. Rose Namajunas, 4.5
  18. Justin Gaethje, 4.5
  19. Petr Yan, 4.5
  20. Conor McGregor, 4.5
  21. Deiveson Figueiredo, 4.5
  22. Francis Ngannou, 4.5
  23. Cris Cyborg, 4.5
  24. Tony Ferguson, 4.5
  25. Joanna Jedrzejcyk, 4.5
  26. Marlon Moraes, 4.5
  27. Jose Aldo, 4.5
  28. Tyron Woodley, 4.5
  29. Robert Whittaker, 4.5
  30. Glover Teixeira, 4.5
  31. Yoel Romero, 4.5
  32. Jessica Andrade, 4.5
  33. Aljamain Sterling, 4.5
  34. Curtis Blaydes, 4.5
  35. Alistair Overeem, 4.5
  36. Cain Velasquez, 4.5
  37. Joseph Benavidez, 4.5
  38. Ronaldo Souza, 4.5
  39. Holly Holm, 4.5
  40. Colby Covington, 4.5
  41. Leon Edwards, 4
  42. Rafael Dos Anjos, 4
  43. Dustin Poirier, 4
  44. Ronda Rousey 4
  45. Tatiana Suarez, 4
  46. Cody Garbrandt, 4
  47. Dominick Reyes, 4
  48. Anthony Johnson, 4
  49. Paulo Costa, 4
  50. Darren Till, 4

This would theoretically mean that perennial contenders Cody Garbrandt, Paulo Costa, or Darren Till have an opportunity to supplant Ronda Rousey, who is ranked ahead of all three fighters at No. 44 despite not fighting since 2016.

The final significant addition to this year’s game comes in the form of new environments, the Backyard and Kumite. UFC 4‘s developers wanted to give fans something they hadn’t seen before in a UFC game as we begin the transition to next-gen consoles and the new environments happen to match perfectly with the personalities of the two cover athletes: Jorge Masvidal and Israel Adesanya.

“The big thought was we wanted to make sure, the fourth iteration of the UFC franchise, we wanted to show something different. Something when you see screenshots or the trailer, you can say ‘I have not seen that in a UFC game before.’ We wanted to increase the differentiation from one game to the next,” Hayes says. “The other part, as fight fans, MMA fans, viral fans, martial arts cinema fans, there’s a world there, that exists. There are fighters who started their combat life in the backyard. And there are fighters in the UFC who developed their passion because they watched a martial arts movie. Several fighters in the UFC, there are catalysts from where fighters came from. We wanted to provide something different and something that tapped into the origins of MMA.”

Mix in open weight challenges and a variety of game modes to keep fighters on their toes, and UFC 4 is perhaps the best iteration of the series yet. The game is out now, available on Xbox One and Playstation 4.

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‘Boys State’ And ‘The Swamp’ Are The Perfect Why-America-Is-Totally-Screwed Double Feature

This week we can choose between two very different verité-style political documentaries, but the correct play is to stream them both. Taken together, they explain both why our political system is so screwed up and how we got there. If HBO’s The Swamp depicts how politics-as-sport is subverting the process, A24 and Apple’s Boys State depicts how politics becomes sport in the first place.

The Swamp follows congressman Matt Gaetz, Thomas Massie, Ro Khanna, Katie Hill and a few others in a series of rarely-seen collaborations between the liberal Progressive Caucus and the conservative Freedom Caucus, as they work together to try to claw back some of Congress’s real functions from special interests and the executive branch. Boys State follows the surprisingly intense ceremonial elections at the historic, American Legion mock government program for high school boys, designed to teach them the rudiments of forming governments (in this case following the program in the state of Texas)

If The Swamp offers the logistics on how and the extent to which the political system got so broken, Boys State gives us the Freudian analysis, the story of politics-as-Greek tragedy where we’re undone by our own hubris. Maybe, you think, our system is broken because we are.

In Boys State we watch as René Otero, a black transplant from Chicago, first wins his party chairmanship with a barn burner of a speech, survives an impeachment attempt, and then tries to guide his party’s candidate, Steven Garza, the intensely serious son of an undocumented worker, from stammering outcast to inspiring leader. The question left unsaid is what Boys State‘s leaders are inspiring their voters to actually do. Their positions are entirely ceremonial. Yet this only sharpens the film’s psychological exploration of those who would want to lead the people who vote for them.

Otero and Garza’s foils come in the form Ben Feinstein, a double amputee turned budding Karl Rove who, as chairman of the competing party, weaponizes grievance politics and wedge issues in support of his own candidate, Eddy, a Romney-esque blank slate jock with fluffy hair whose biggest asset seems to be that he looks the part. All the Boys State characters go on life-changing journeys of self-discovery that leave many of them (and us) in tears. It’s equal parts catharsis and death of innocence. You identify with the kids discovering their true selves — some finding the courage in their convictions, others the justification for playing dirty. It’s like watching politics corrupt almost in real-time. Boys State — which counts among its alumni Bill Clinton, Dick Cheney, Mike Huckabee, Samuel Alito — teaches politics as sport, where pupils practice attaining power with no guidance or expectation of what they might do with that power. It’s an extraordinary film, heartening and heartbreaking. If The Swamp fed my brain, Boys State stomped on my heart.

In both movies, we see a consistent tendency to see other Americans as more conservative than they actually are. In Boys State, a program sponsored by the traditionally conservative American Legion in the traditionally conservative state of Texas, it’s not an outlandish assumption. I vaguely remember applying for an American Legion scholarship in my own small town. During the interview, the only question they asked was to present me with a newspaper article about flag burning and ask what I would do about it if I was in charge. Even though I had an inkling even then that it was probably the wrong answer given the room, I offered some response about how part of what the flag actually symbolized was the freedom to protest. They ended up giving the scholarship to my friend Randy, a nerdy son of Japanese-American farmers with crypto-fascist politics, who told them that if he was in charge the protesters would get the death penalty.

Yet when two of Boys State‘s protagonists, René Otero, the black orator from Chicago (requisite allusions to Obama) and Steven Garza, the Mexican-American from Houston, give speeches appealing to the room’s more progressive leanings, they both bring down the house. While it’s fair to point out that both their policy statements are safely centrist and pragmatic, it does feel like we’re watching them discover a silent majority. Partly this may reflect the changing demographics of Texas, an increasingly diverse and urbanized state despite its traditional cowboy image (both Otero and Garza come from the cities).

Yet there’s also a watershed moment when Garza’s primary opponent, Robert MacDougall, a football player who looks like a young Matt Dillon that escaped from a Richard Linklater movie, reveals that he’s actually pro-choice and in favor of background checks for guns. So why had he said the opposite in his speech? Because, he wonders, what is politics if not the art of telling the crowd what they already think in order to attain power for yourself?

Likewise, practically the entire premise of The Swamp is that some of the most “conservative” members of congress — Matt Gaetz, Thomas Massie, and Ken Buck — maybe aren’t as “conservative” as you think, at least in a few key ways. Normally we see them as irredeemable Trumpist MAGAchuds, and mostly they earn it, but the film follows their attempts at bipartisan efforts to win back war powers from the executive branch (despite Gaetz being one of Trump’s most slavish defenders) and Gaetz being the first Republican to publicly swear off PAC money. Gaetz also comes out in defense of Katie Hill during the California Democrat’s revenge porn scandal, even as the Democratic leadership seems to determined railroad her (presumably out of fear of conservative backlash).

Where do these assumptions come from? Why do we always seem to assume less tolerance and forgiveness in others than we assume from ourselves? The unfortunate lesson in both The Swamp‘s depiction of real national politics and in Boys State‘s adolescent simulation is that politics is largely about making noise. And conflict sells. When one of the teenage Machiavellis fans grievance politics and gins up a wedge issue almost out of thin air, we understand why there was so little coverage of the bipartisan initiatives central to The Swamp.

We want to see, or rather we can’t help but gawk at, the fight. That’s what sells ads, it’s what fuels donations, and what moves swing voters, even in fake elections for ceremonial positions for high schoolers. Yet if there’s a big takeaway from both films, it’s that the polarization we’re constantly fed is more strategy than reality. It’s a symptom of a game, not an objective reality. Together, they show how the political system designed to help us work together on the things on which we agree has been gamed to do the opposite.

‘Boys State’ is available August 12th from A24 on AppleTV+. ‘The Swamp’ is available on HBO. Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.

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The Best White Whiskeys On The Market, According To Bartenders

We all know that whiskey doesn’t start off with a dark amber hue. Nor does it have those famed hints of vanilla, honey, and rich-oak sweetness. All of those flavor notes come from the aging and barreling processes. But distillers don’t age all of their whiskey. Some of it is bottled up right away and sold as white whiskey. AKA moonshine.

Not surprisingly, not everyone loves this un-aged whiskey style.

“Why wouldn’t you just rest that bad boy in an oak cask for a couple of years?” wonders Kyle Harlan, beverage director at Mission Taco Joint in Kansas City. “White whiskey is lazy.”

On the flip side, some purists like the “unadulterated grain” aspect of white whiskey. You’re just getting the fermented, distilled juice, nothing else. But know this: it’s hot as hell and can be pretty rough for the uninitiated.

If you’ve acquired a taste for white whiskey, 2020 is your year. There are numerous un-aged whiskey brands on the market right now. To figure out which bottles to buy, we asked some of our favorite bartenders for the white lightning they like to sip through the end of summer.

George Washington Unaged Rye Whiskey

Luke Pecoraro, director of curatorial services at Jamestown-Yorktown Foundation in Williamsburg, Virginia

George Washington Unaged Rye Whiskey (Mount Vernon, Virginia). This small-batch product is a favorite, not only because it is the official spirit of the Commonwealth of Virginia, but also given the historical research that went into determining the mash bill; 60% rye, 35% corn, and 5% barley. It can be said that this is a faithful representation of whiskey distilled in the early Republic, and the methods used at the George Washington distillery – the wood-fired stills, the grain milled on-site – are remarkable.

The unaged product has a consistently good taste and finish, and is produced in limited quantity twice a year.

King’s County Moonshine

Pete Stanton, head bartender at Ai Fiori at The Langham in New York City

I can’t say I have a favorite — I think King’s County or Coppersea are probably the most complex I’ve ever tasted, but the genre is not my thing. I feel there are more interesting examples of eau de vie or un-aged spirit like blanche armagnac.

Buffalo Trace White Dog

Jim Richard, chef at Red Fish Taco in South Walton, Florida

I’m A Buffalo Trace Fan and the White Dog with tea-smoked thyme and a splash of homemade limoncello (or zest) with one ice cube is truly special.

Death’s Door White Whiskey

Gord Hannah, head bartender at The Drake Hotel in Toronto

I think that that White Whiskey from Death’s Door is a great place to start if you have never had moonshine. Moonshine is to a distiller as a hamburger is to a chef. A humble serve that can be elevated by expertise but always best when made by people with true love for the craft.

McClintock Maryland Heritage White Whiskey

Ian Clark, bar supervisor at Topside in Baltimore

My current favorite is McClintock Distilling Company’s White Whiskey out of Frederick, Maryland. It has great versatility in mixing cocktails and, when drinking straight, does not have the severe corn-sweetness burn that a lot of other white whiskeys exhibit.

Low Gap Clear Whiskey

Tim Wiggins, co-owner and beverage director of Yellowbelly in St. Louis

I love the Clear Whiskey from Low Gap. It’s made from 100% malted rye and made in small cognac stills so it tastes more like brandy than whiskey to me. It has a really unique grassy/funkiness that I am all about. I like using it in small measurements with gin or tequila in stirred cocktails. I think it adds a unique flavor profile that you can’t find in most spirits.

Crittenden Kiln Shine

Brandi Carter, beverage manager at Elvie’s in Jackson, Mississippi

During Prohibition, Kiln, Mississippi was considered the moonshine capital of the world. Today Crittenden Distillery in Kiln makes a great product, Kiln Shine. At Elvie’s, we try to use as many quality Mississippi made products possible in our bar.

George Dickel #1 White Corn Whiskey

Catalina Borer, bartender at Kingsmill Resort in Williamsburg, Virginia

I like to pay my taxes, so let’s go with white whiskey. I’d have to go with George Dickel #1. It’s distilled from corn, rye, and barley. The combination of these ingredients makes it a buttery, light grassy almost floral taste rocket fuel!

This bottle is great for crafting creative cocktails.

Slow Hand White Whiskey

Kira Webster, beverage director at Indo in St. Louis

Slow Hand White Whiskey has been my favorite for a few years. White whiskies tend to have a harsher flavor without the oak influences, but Wood Hat’s is really smooth with a sweet finish, making it really easy to drink.

High West Silver Whiskey

Hayden Miller, head bartender at Bodega Taqueria y Tequila in Miami

High West Silver Whiskey — Western Oat. This whiskey really surprised me for how palatable it is while being a white whiskey. The body is smooth, the heat is preferable to many of the “raw” whiskeys I’ve tried before. The outlook for HW was to create something to sip like other clear spirits and this is it.

Writer’s Pick:

Ole Smoky Original Moonshine

If you’re going to sip on a white whiskey or moonshine, why not grab one of the OG brands. Ole Smoky was one of the first distilleries to legally make moonshine in the country. In the years since, the distillery has produced countless moonshine (and whiskey) flavors. But its best is its original moonshine. Made using a century-old recipe, it’s surprisingly buttery, sweet, and easy to sip.

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Anderson .Paak Keeps His Mind On The Money On His ‘Cut Em In’ Track With Rick Ross

It’s been nearly a year and a half since Anderson .Paak shared his fourth album Ventura, a body of work that successfully erased the wrongs of his third effort Oxnard. While a break may have been in order following their releases, Anderson .Paak shows no signs of slowing down as calls on Rick Ross for his latest single, “Cut Em In.”

An upbeat number, the track — which features production from Hit-Boy — sees .Paak in a completely money-oriented mindset alongside Rick Ross. Following a reminder to listeners to repay the friends who stayed down in hard times, .Paak flaunts his green before comical revealing some bad news from his accountant who said despite him making “a lot” last year, the singer is in the red due to spending more than he made.

Coming through for a verse in the middle of the song, Rick Ross adds a nice touch to the track with his luxurious bars that have become a trademark in his career. Switching gears to end the track, Paak puts up some bars of his own as the guitar and piano in the track’s production dance in the background.

.Paak’s latest single arrives after the singer called on JID, Noname, and Jay Rock for a new remix of his “Lockdown” track.

Press play on the video above to listen to “Cut Em In.”

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Nas Proudly Flaunts His Melanin And Takes A Shot At Doja Cat On The Hit-Boy-Produced ‘Ultra Black’

Preparing his third project in as many years, Nas will share the Hit-Boy produced King’s Disease album next week and to officially begin its campaign, he shares its lead single, “Ultra Black.” Smoothly taking on the Hit-Boy-produced beat, Nas praises the melanin his skin bears while giving listeners who bare the same skin color the confidence to do the same. In the process, Nas also takes a shot a Doja Cat rapping, “We going ultra black, the opposite of Doja Cat.” Doja Cat faced some controversy earlier this year after fans alleged she a member of alt-right/incel and online chat rooms after discovering some insensitive tweets from her past.

The single follows Nas’ announcement that he would be releasing a new album on August 21 that featured executive production from Hit-Boy. The announcement comes exactly six months after Big Sean put the Brooklyn-born rapper on blast in an Instagram video. “Nas dropping an album,” Big Sean said. “I’m putting Nas on blast right now,” Nas, who was present in the video, responded with anything but denial saying, “Something like that… it’s kinda hard to replace me.”

Hit-Boy has been having a great year behind the scenes. The producer earned his second Grammy win this year for his contribution to Nipsey Hussle and Roddy Ricch’s “Racks In The Middle.” Hit-Boy is also fresh off his Also Known As project where he collaborated with Nas and Dom Kennedy on “City On Lock.”

Listen to “Ultra Black” above.

King’s Disease is out 08/21 via Mass Appeal.

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Miley Cyrus Glances Up To The ‘Midnight Sky’ And Cheefully Runs To Freedom On Her New Single

Miley Cyrus was set to release seventh album She Is Miley Cyrus by the end of 2019, but surgery in October 2019 for tonsillitis set back her recording process as she was placed a vocal rest by her doctor. Almost a year removed from that surgery, Miley Cyrus is ready to get back into action as she shares her latest single, “Midnight Sky.” Released with a matching visual, Miley flaunts a throwback look as she sings about her freedom from old restrictions while dishing out reminders of her ability to live without love from an old flame under the bright lights the video supplies.

The single arrives just days after the singer teased new music in a Twitter post that read “Meet Miley Cyrus…again” with the hashtags #SheIsComing and #ButForRealThisTime as well as an Instagram post that teased the “Midnight Sky” single. Her upcoming She Is Miley Cyrus album will also precede her 2019 EP, She Is Coming. Prior to her 2019 vocal surgery, the She Is Coming EP was set to be one of three EPs released that would make up the She Is Miley Cyrus album, the other two being She Is Here and She Is Everything.

Cyrus’ latest single arrives after the single took to an empty Rose Bowl arena earlier this year to perform a cover of The Beatles’ “Help.” Prior to that, Cyrus joined Mark Ronson and many other artists to contribute to his. Love Lockdown video mixtape.

Listen to “Midnight Sky” in the video above.

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Don Toliver, Gunna, And Nav’s ‘Lemonade’ With Internet Money Relishes In The Glow Of Their Diamonds

Thriving own their own in the trap world, Don Toliver, Gunna, and Nav join forces to contribute to producer Internet Money’s new single, “Lemonade.” Fascinated by the shine and icy nature of their yellow diamonds, the three trap stars relish in their successful careers over the guitar-driven beat. Wit Nav leading the way with a verse of his own, Don Toliver holds it down on the hook as Gunna makes his entrance before the Houston native closes the track with some flexing of his own.

The single marks the second time in a month that Don Toliver and Gunna have supplied their talents to a producer, with the first being their “Cafeteria” single with Chase B. Examining their collective 2020, the three rappers have found success on their own terms this year. Don Toliver shared his Heaven Or Hell album which was celebrated by many in hip-hop as one of the year’s best releases, to the extent that many were upset that the Houston rapper was not included in the newly-released XXL Freshman class list. Gunna, on the other hand, returned to form with his Wunna album, one that received a deluxe re-issue last month while Nav earned his second No. 1 album with his Good Intentions release in May.

Press play on the video above to hear “Lemonade.”

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Guapdad 4000 Returns As The ‘Platinum Falcon’ On His Chilled ‘Hairless Horsemen’ Collab With Boogie

Guapdad 4000 has found his way to stay productive and in the face of his fans throughout the coronavirus pandemic. In a year that has seen him produced his Rona Raps series and his Platinum Falcon, Vol. 1 EP, Guapdad adds more content to that list with his new Platinum Falcon Returns EP. Equipped with six songs, the EP includes all of his releases from this past summer, including his “Lil Scammer That Could” collaboration with Denzel Curry, while also supplying a new track in “Hairless Horseman” with Boogie.

On his first collaboration between Guapdad and Boogie, the Oakland native comes through with yet another West Coast collaboration, something his Rona Raps produced multiple times. Over chilled production, Guapdad and Boogie offer their best bars laced with metaphors for the enjoyment of their fans. Guapdad leads the way, holding nothing back with bars like, “These days I’m killing gods, I had to get that across.” As for Boogie, the Compton rapper comes through with his own raps about his current life and the thoughts that swarm his mind.

Guapdad’s latest single concludes nearly two months of singles that included his Deanté Hitchcock-featured “Orgasm Full Of Pain” and his most recent release, “Deadly Assassination Summer Squad.”

Platinum Falcon Returns is out now via TWNSHP, LLC. Get it here.

Guapdad 4000 is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Drake Balls With Kevin Durant And Plays Catch With Odell Beckham On ‘Laugh Now, Cry Later’ With Lil Durk

For the bulk of 2020, Drake has allowed very little time to go by without inserting his name into hip-hop headlines. From his “When To Say When” and “Chicago Freestyle” double-single, to his sharp Dark Lane Demo Tapes project, Drake has been in full campaign mode for much of 2020.

Entering the last stage that precedes his upcoming sixth album, Drake drops off the album’s lead single with “Laugh Now, Cry Later.” A star-studded affair the track, which features Lil Durk, comes with a video that begins with Drake playing basketball with Kevin Durant before transitioning for a game a catch with Odell Beckham Jr. He then brings Lil Durk into the picture, the two rappers pose for photoshoots and ride around in golf carts. Shortly after the video’s release, Drake revealed that his next album would be titled Certified Lover Boy.

The Toronto superstar’s latest single arrives just a week after he made a bar of appearances on labelmates Popcaan’s newly-released Fixtape project. The guest appearance is just one of many Drake has made with a number of artists this year which include Lil Yachty’s “Oprah’s Bank Account,” Headie One’s “Only You Freestyle,” and DJ Khaled’s “Popstar” and “Greece.” The two Khaled records helped Drake pass Madonna for the most top-ten appearances on the Billboard singles chart with 40.

While a title or a release date on Drake’s upcoming sixth album yet to have been announced, fans won’t have to wait too long for its arrival as Drake’s friend and engineer Noel Cadastre, aka OVO Noel, updated fans on its progress in an Instagram post. “Studio for my bday… we 90% but y’all gonna have to wait on that last 10%.”

Watch Drake’s “Laugh Now, Cry Later” video with Lil Durk above.

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UPROXX 20: Melissa Fumero Can Get By Just Fine On Spicy Margaritas And Lizzo’s Instagram Posts

If you were to imagine how the Brooklyn Nine-Nine cast might spend their quarantine, Amy Santiago would almost certainly be baking her own sourdough bread. Or, trying to. It wouldn’t turn out well, she’d end up taking her frustration out on the nearest appliance, and then she’d probably start drinking.

It’s a good thing, then, that Melissa Fumero is nothing like the character she plays on the popular cop-comedy. Her “to-do” list is just three shows long, she’s mining Twitter for motivation, and she dreams of sleeping in and brunching when both are possible again — though, once you have kids, is sleeping in ever really in the cards?

Ahead of her Room 104 debut, where she plays a divorcee debating a hairstyle change, we invited Fumero into our UPROXX 20 club. Here’s what she told us.

1. You walk into a bar. What do you order from the bartender?

A spicy margarita.

2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

On Twitter, my friend and former B99 writer Vanessa Ramos introduced me to [the] Jurassic Park Updates account and I love it. As I scroll through horrible and terrifying news, I get random and hilarious tweets about dinosaurs like “the dinosaurs are kind of just chillin out rn listening to ‘Biting Bown’ by Lorde.” It makes me so happy.

On Instagram, I love Lizzo. She is just so fierce, and funny, and strong. Her posts get me inspired or fired up. And right now, I’m also loving @babyfoode for good foodie inspired baby food recipes.

3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR or in your streaming queue?

Fleabag, Killing Eve, and Hightown are the next three shows I want to watch. I’m so behind. I have small children!

4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?

My Abuela’s rabo encendido (oxtail), tostones, Cuban bread, and a big, bold Cabernet Sauvignon.

5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?

Ugh, Twitter. LA Times. Eater LA.

6. What’s the most frequently played song on your mobile device?

“You’re Welcome” from Moana. I have a four-year-old.

7. If you could go back and give your 18-year-old self one piece of advice what would it be?

Stop tweezing your eyebrows. That cute tap dancer is not worth your time. Take a film class, and spend more time with your mentor because you’ll only have three years with him.

8. What’s the last thing you Googled?

“How do I find my most played song?”

9. Dogs or cats?

100% dogs, but I appreciate a cat’s “I give zero f*cks” lifestyle.

10. Best concert of your life was…?

New Kids on the Block reunion tour as an adult, in New Jersey. Me and some girlfriends dressed up in jean jackets and side ponytails. It was an epic night.

11. What book are you most likely to give as a gift?

Many Lives, Many Masters.

12. What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I lived in an apartment in Queens and I had painted one wall in my bedroom this ugly dark red color. I don’t know what I was thinking and I was too lazy to change it. Well, David [my husband] also hated it so one day while I was at work he, and our friend Javier, repainted the whole room this beautiful soft olive-y green and rearranged all my furniture so I came home to a whole room makeover. I think I cried. It was so nice.

13. South Park or Family Guy?

South Park.

14. You have an entire day to do whatever you want. What would you do?

Sleep in completely unbothered by any small humans, then some yoga, then some gluttonous brunch with friends, then a nap, a massage, play on a beach with my kids, then leave kids with a sitter and have a decadent dinner and cocktails with my husband. God, that sounds like a damn good day. I miss normal life.

15. What movie can you not resist watching if it’s on?

Anything Marvel and Big Fish.

16. The sports team or teams you’re most passionate about?

I don’t watch any sports, don’t hate me.

17. Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

Epicure restaurant in Paris with my husband, and my castmates Stephanie [Beatriz] and her boyfriend at the time, Joe [Lo Truglio] and his wife Beth. It was a five-hour dinner and absolutely incredible.

18. The last movie you saw in a theater?

Frozen 2. I think I loved it more than my four-year-old.

19. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Harrison Ford. Indiana Jones gave me all the tingles.

20. What would you cook if Nic Cage were coming to your house for dinner?

Feels like steak would be a safe choice? What if he’s a vegan? This is a lot of pressure. Why is Nic Cage coming to my house?!

PREVIOUSLY: Esther Povitsky