Lady Gaga returned this year with her sixth album, Chromatica, her first in almost four years. While fans were happy to welcome the pop singer back, the singer admits that the process was not the easiest. In a sit-down with CBS Sunday Morning, she opened up about her mental health struggles and how Chromatica gave people an unfiltered look at her struggles with depression and her continued effort to love herself again.
“There’s not one song on that album that’s not true, not one,” she said. She cited her song “911” as an example, explaining that the lyric”Pop a 911″ is a “reference to the medication I had to take when I used to panic because I’m Lady Gaga.” She also said she “totally gave up on [herself]” when she was asked why that time period in her life was so dark. “I hated being famous, I hated being a star, I felt exhausted and used up.”
Gaga also said that it’s “not always easy if you have mental issues to let other people see,” adding, “I used to show, I used to self-harm, I used to say, ‘Look I cut myself, see I’m hurting.’ Because I didn’t think anyone could see because mental health, it’s invisible.”
She also revealed that she was often triggered when her fans approached her in public. “If I’m at the grocery store and somebody comes up very close to me and puts a cellphone right in my face and starts taking pictures, just total panic, full-body pain. I’m braced because I’m so afraid,” she said. “It’s like I’m an object, I’m not a person.” However, when she was asked if she had the desire to continuing making music, Gaga said, “This, I have to do it,” as she pointed to her piano. “Turns out, even if I don’t want to be alive, I still know how to write a song.”
You can watch her sit down on CBS Sunday Morning in the video above.