Month: September 2020

With summer 2020 pretty much wrapped, it’s time to look into one of my favorite beer seasons. The fall brings about two distinct and very good beers. One, it’s officially Oktoberfest season. Even with the main event in Munich canceled this year, you can still enjoy the beers. And, trust us, there are plenty of great German lagers to enjoy right now.

The other big beer you’re going to be seeing on every tap list — especially in the U.S. — are pumpkin ales. Yes, some of these fruited ales are a bit sugary or too spiced. But with the advent of every other brewery in the country making a pumpkin ale this season, that old view of the style is more the exception than the rule in 2020.

Hopefully, the eight beers we’re calling out this month will pique your interest and inspire you to explore exciting expressions made near you or sold at your closest bottle shop. The picks below are regional craft beer releases from breweries that we vouch for (we weren’t able to taste them all this month because of the continued pandemic, so we’re offering tasting notes from the brewers where necessary).

PACIFIC NORTHWEST DROP: Elysian Night Owl

Style: Pumpkin Beer
ABV: 6.7%
Brewery: Elysian Brewing Company, Seattle, WA

The Beer:

This is a quality pumpkin ale. The brew is fruited with over seven pounds of pumpkin puree and pumpkin seeds per barrel of beer. Next, the suds are spiked with ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and allspice. That pumpkin and seeds are layered into the beer, giving a real textural nuance of a well-crafted ale.

Tasting Notes:

It’s really surprising who dialed in this beer is. It sounds like the pumpkin should overpower everything, but it’s more of a whiff of savory fruit next to a mild spice matrix. There’s a lightness to the body of the beer that helps keep this feeling like a mild and malty, making it more of a spicy pumpkin cookie than an overly sweet pumpkin pie.

SOUTHWEST DROP: Bow & Arrow Oktoberfest

Style: Märzen
ABV: 5.4%
Brewery: Bow & Arrow Brewing, Albuquerque, NM

The Beer:

Bow & Arrow is the country’s only craft brewery run by Indigenous women. Their beer output continues to be some of the most interesting out of the entire Southwest region and their Oktoberfest is sure to be another winner to help ring in the autumn.

Tasting Notes (from the brewer):

“Malty and copper in color, balanced with a bready aroma with a hint of spice and toast, finishing with light raisin and caramel notes.”

ROCKY MOUNTAIN DROP: Upslope Pumpkin Ale

Style: Pumpkin Beer
ABV: 7.7%
Brewery: Upslope Brewing Company, Boulder, CO

The Beer:

This is another great example of how subtle (and tasty) a well-crafted pumpkin ale can be. The beer is a combination of local organic baby pumpkins, hops, malts, and a blend of six spices. The end result is a very crushable can of ale with a high ABV, so drink carefully.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a bit more body to this pour. The beer has a fresh pumpkin aroma supported by mild, bready malts. The sip leans into the spices more than fruit with a slightly sweet creaminess underneath. The feel of this one leans a little more into pumpkin pie territory with a subtle sweetness.

SOUTHERN DROP: Jester King & Mikkeller Drink’in the Sunbelt

Style: Wheat
ABV: 3.9%
Brewery: Jester King Brewery, Austin, TX (with Mikkeller)

The Beer:

If you’re still trying to hold onto summer, then this hopped wheat beer is the play. The brew is mashed with two malts and both oats and wheat with Kviek yeast before a kettle hopping and then a dry hopping. The result is a crushable and distinct wheat beer that feels like it holds a little bit of sunshine in every sip.

Tasting Notes:

There’s a marrying of mild pine resin next to bright tropical and stone fruits with an orange citrus edge. The funk of the yeast provides a nice foundation and the pepperiness of the wheat is a solid counterbalance to all the juicy fruits. The beer edges into dry territory as the mildly floral, piney, grassy, and fruity hops fade into the background.

MIDWEST DROP: Revolution Oktoberfest

Style: Märzen
ABV: 5.7%
Brewery: Revolution Brewing, Chicago, IL

The Beer:

This Chicago beer is German ingredients filtered through American craft brewing. Bavarian malts meet Bavarian hops and Bavarian lager yeast to create this one. The beer is then properly lagered at low temps for four weeks, and then it’s party time (this beer is very quaffable).

Tasting Notes:

The malts are the star of the show with a toasted crusty bread presence. The malts edge a bit sweet with a touch of orange rind and grass when the subtle hops kick in. A slight spicy edge arrives late as the almost floral grassy edge cuts out.

NORTHEAST DROP: Finback Black is Beautiful

Style: American Imperial Stout
ABV: 9%
Brewery: Finback Brewery, Queens, NY

The Beer:

This coffee spiked stout was brewed specifically to raise awareness of the social and racial injustices plaguing the United States. Proceeds from this brew will be donated to the Audre Lorde Project (an LGBT people of color non-violent community activist group) and the Brooklyn Community Bail Fund.

Tasting Notes (from the brewer):

“This 9 percent imperial stout with Ecuador Santa Gertrudis coffee is bold and unctuous.”

WILD CARD DROP: Odd Breed Dotted Eighth Notes

Style: Wild Ale
ABV: 6.5%
Brewery: Odd Breed Wild Ales, Pompano Beach, FL

The Beer:

Odd Breed consistently puts out some of the most interesting wild ales in the U.S. This brew was mashed with a mix of Pilsner, spelt, and rye malts and then hopped with Styrian Golding and fresh Saaz hops. The beer then goes into French wine barrels for a year. The beer is then refermented with rhubarb and wild honey before being bottle conditioned with Madagascar vanilla.

Tasting Notes (from the brewer):

“Aromatics of sweet honey transition to notes of earthy and tangy rhubarb, vanilla, and our signature Odd Breed funk with moderate acidity.”

INT’L PICK OF THE MONTH: Hofbräu Oktoberfestbier

Style: Märzen
ABV: 6.3%
Brewery: Hofbräuhaus München

The Beer:

In most other years, we’d be about two weeks out from the start of Oktoberfest. But 2020’s not like most other years and we’ll have to celebrate the world’s biggest beer fest at home this September. This isn’t exactly my favorite Munich Oktoberfest beer, but it’s the one you’re going to be able to find very easily in the U.S. (mostly). Also, it’s a supremely crushable brew in case you need to get your drink on this month.

Tasting Notes:

Grainy malts and slightly sweet and grassy hops greet you. There’s an almost corn sweetness to the bready malts. The beer remains light but not without a velvet body. A final flourish of ever-so-slightly earthy hops counterpunches the malts on the end and draws you back for another glug every time.

We’re living in unprecedented times, if you haven’t noticed, and Hollywood is still trying to figure out how to cope in a world where theaters are only partially open. In another timeline, Disney’s live-action remake of Mulan, their animated favorite from 1998, would have hit theaters nationwide in late March. That, of course, did not happen. Instead its owners came up with a unique solution: The pricey picture would debut on Disney+ on September 4, but for the fairly large sum of $30.

But that brought up another question: When would it be subsumed into the rest of the Disney+ coffers, available to all subscribers? As per Deadline, there’s now an answer for that: At 11:59pm on November 3, Mulan will disappear from the service, to return a month later. So: Decemer-ish.

To answer another question: Once you pay the enormous fee to watch Mulan, which you’ll be able to do for two whole months, how long and how often will you be able to watch it? Indefinitely, as per Deadline, allowing viewers to really get a bang for their considerable bucks. (Most PVOD titles disappear after a mere 48-hour window.) So that’s nice…considering you’re not turned off by the re-emerging controversy surrounding its lead actress Liu Yifei, who enraged many after she sided with the Hong Kong police over the protesters fighting to not have their human rights taken away from them by Mainland China.

(Via Deadline)

At the top of this year, Prince Andrew and Meghan Markle went under a bit of a life makeover, mostly stepping down from their duties as members of the Royal Family and reimagining themselves as Hollywood players. Nearly nine months after moving to Los Angeles and quietly shopping around ideas, the two have finally made it: As per The New York Times, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have inked a massive deal with Netflix.

When it was first reported that the two semi-ex-royals were pitching around Hollywood, it was believed they were touting some mysterious TV project. Now we know that they were far more ambitious. Their Netflix deal which will include not only TV, but also movies, documentaries, even children’s programming. There are currently no details on what any of these individual projects will entail, but perhaps a revival of Markle’s old TV show Suits is on the docket?

When Prince Andrew and his Los Angeles-born wife left England, the portmanteau-loving press and social media dubbed it “Megxit.” Their reasons for relocating may have been less amusing; Markle was routinely attacked and condescended to by the British press, who weren’t above making comments about her being mixed-race. Markle is an outspoken feminist and Prince Andrew often champions progressive platforms, including environmentalism, so that may give you some idea of the many things they’ll be bringing to Netflix in the not-so-distant future.

(Via NYT)

On Wednesday, September 2, 2020, Keanu Reeves turned 56 years young — and we use the word “young,” not “old” because he still looks better than most people in their 30s. The actor and by-all-accounts genuinely decent human is arguably more beloved now than he’s ever been, even at the height of Speed and Matrix mania. He’s aged like fine wine, blossoming into one of the screen’s most welcome presences, from the John Wick movies to the new Bill & Ted threequel to his instantly memed Always Be My Maybe cameo.

Everyone loves Keanu, and for proof, all you had to do was head to social media. There, you found endless well-wishes, dreamy pictures, even anecdotes that showed what a stand-up guy he is, on top of being a terrific thespian. One story that went viral came from a sports writer from Australia.

The anecdote was actually quite old, originally posted in May of 2019. “In honor of John Wick 3 I have a Keanu Reeves story,” wrote SBNation’s James Datar. And it was a good one:

Keanu came to the movie theater I worked at in Sydney in 2001. He was working on the Matrix series at the time. It’s a quiet, Wednesday morning — almost nobody is seeing movies. I’m working the box office, bored as hell and suddenly this dude walks up in jeans, a leather jacket and a horse riding helmet. A full ass, weird equestrian looking helmet. It takes me a solid 30 seconds to ignore the helmet and realize it’s Keanu Reeves. He wants to buy a ticket for “From Hell,” the Johnny Depp movie. I’m so fucking star struck I do what any sensible 16-year-old does and tell him I’d like to give him my employee discount. This means he needs to sign my sheet and therefore I have his autograph. “I don’t work here,” Keanu says. Seemingly confused by my offer. I’m flustered and just charge him the normal price. Kicking myself after for not getting his autograph. 2 minutes later there’s a knock on the door behind me that leads into the box office. I assume it’s my manager. It’s Keanu. “I realized you probably wanted my autograph,” he says. “So I signed this.” He hands me a receipt from the concessions stand that he signed on the back. He then casually throws an ice cream cone in the trash can and sees his movie. I realize later that he bought an ice cream cone he didn’t want, just to get receipt paper so he could scribble his autograph for a 16-year-old idiot.

There were plenty of other fine Keanu shares on his big day.

There were also bittersweet posts from fellow actors.

But let’s leave it on a high note.

Miley Cyrus wasn’t here for Joe Rogan’s criticism of the drag queens on RuPaul’s Drag Race. The show came up at the start of the second hour of Cyrus’ appearance on Joe Rogan Experience, after Miley — who was there to discuss her music — explained why she doesn’t watch traditional television shows. Apparently, she feels that “I shouldn’t watch dramatic television” because of the rush she gets and her tendency to parrot the characters, leading to her revealing her true television love: RuPaul’s Drag Race.

After gushing a bit and providing a quick explainer for the bemused Rogan (which included the misnomered “death drop” — it’s really called a “dip”), the two watched a few clips of the performances from the show. After one excited Miley exclamation for Kennedy Davenport, Rogan questioned whether she knew every contestant by name. “I know every single one of them,” she confessed. But when Rogan deigned to demean the contestants’ routines, Miley casually dismissed his criticism with a judo flip of a burn that set Rogan back so far on his heels all he could do was laugh.

“They all do the same move,” Rogan complained. “They drop down and do the splits.” The unfazed Cyrus coolly replied, “That’s what I think when I’m watching your show too — all the same stuff.”

Check out Miley’s casual roast of Rogan’s entire show above, and the full episode up top.

It’s been over a year since Sarah Sanders left her job as the White House Press Secretary, a position she held for nearly two years, starting in mid-2017. Thanks to the gig’s current employee, Kayleigh McEnany, she’s no longer the most notorious person to ever hold that job, though both have been routinely accused of lying to the nation to protect her boss. And yet in her new memoir, Speaking for Myself, Sanders offers one anecdote that doesn’t exactly paint Trump in a positive light — even though it’s possible she finds it charming.

As per The New York Times, one of a number of publication who received advanced sections of the memoir, Sanders has a story about a creepy run-in she had with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un during a summit held in Singapore in 2018. At some point, Sanders writes, Kim “made direct eye contact and Kim nodded and appeared to wink at me.” She says she was “stunned,” and on the trip back home on Air Force One, she relayed the anecdote to Trump and then-White House chief of staff John F. Kelly. That’s when Trump’s boorish side came out:

“Kim winked at you?” Mr. Trump asked, adding, “Are you telling me Kim Jong-un hit on you!?!?”

Ms. Sanders made clear she didn’t mean that, but Mr. Trump and Mr. Kelly continued to joke about Mr. Kim’s intentions.

“Well, Sarah, that settles it,” Ms. Sanders recalls the president joking. “You’re going to North Korea and taking one for the team! Your husband and kids will miss you, but you’ll be a hero to your country!”

Of course, it’s highly unlikely Sanders, whose memoir is reportedly filled with glowing remembrances of her contentious former employer, meant this to be read in a negative light. Boys will be boys, seems to be her intended takeaway. But given his history of sexism — and the over two dozen women who have accused him of sexual misconduct — a story about the president joking about one of his top female staffers submitting herself to one of the world’s most powerful dictators doesn’t, to put it lightly, come off too great. Sure enough, the story didn’t go over so well over Twitter.

First, a word from comedian J-L Cauvin, who’s doing his best Trump imitation.

Though some simply found the tale yet another bizarro detail from Trumpland.

In lighter news, Sanders book also has an anecdote about Trump, at the same summit, offering Kim a Tic Tac breath mint, only for Kim to respond with confusion. He was, Sanders thought, “Probably concerned it was an attempt to poison him.”

Tuesday night on Impact Wrestling, Eric Young won the Impact World Championship in a brutal match with Eddie Edwards. Edwards had only held the belt since Slammiversary in July, which was the same show where Eric Young made his return to the company. Prior to that, if you’ve encountered Eric Young in the past four years, it was probably as the leader of the apocalyptic faction Sanity, which ran roughshod over the NXT roster back around 2017.

After a memorable NXT run, Sanity got called up to Smackdown, but left behind Nikki Cross, who many felt was the performer who held the group together. Without her, the group never found its place in WWE and was unceremoniously broken up. Alexander Wolfe went to NXT UK and joined Imperium. Killian Dain went back to NXT for the solo run he’d never gotten. Nikki Cross teamed with Alexa Bliss and dominated the Women’s Tag Team Division for a while. But Eric Young never really got anything to do, aside from occasionally being part of the comedy mob in some 24/7 Championship segments. So it was no great surprise when he was part of WWE’s layoffs in April, and now he’s Impact World Champion.

The Impact Knockouts Champion, Deonna Purrazzo, who held a Black Tie Celebration on this week’s show, was also released from WWE in April, although the fact that she still had an NXT contract enabled her to show up on Impact a lot sooner. EC3, Curt Hawkins/Brian Myers, Heath Slater, and the Good Brothers have also recently moved to Impact in the wake of those WWE layoffs. EC3 is already in a storyline involving Moose’s revived TNA Championship, and it’s only a matter of time before Anderson and Gallows get a run at the Tag Team Championship.

But it’s not just Impact that’s getting the most from former WWE Superstars. Just a week ago Saturday on AEW Dynamite, Brodie Lee (FKA Luke Harper) won the TNT Championship from Cody Rhodes, who himself helped found All Elite Wrestling after leaving WWE. And of course the AEW World Championship is held by Jon Moxley, once a top WWE star as Dean Ambrose. Moxley won the belt from the inaugural Champion, Chris Jericho, one of the biggest WWE Superstars of all time.

So you have to wonder, does it hurt these other companies to rely on former WWE talent as their biggest stars? That’s an accusation that’s frequently thrown AEW’s way recently, but it’s also been the number one thing people make fun of about Impact for years.

To be fair, Eric Young is kind of a different situation. He was in Impact first, and was treated like a big star there. Even with the Sanity stuff getting over in NXT, you could argue that Impact did more to make Eric Young a star than WWE ever did. The same is definitely true of EC3. So those guys aren’t really imported WWE stars in Impact, they’re Impact stars returning from an extended visit to WWE.

AEW is in a different situation. They’ve only existed for slightly more than a year, and have been on TV for slightly less than one. So while they’re obviously working to build stars out of wrestlers from the indies and Japan who most of America hadn’t heard of, the only people who showed up with substantial name recognition are the ones who came from WWE.

So it makes sense to put championships on those guys to start. On the other hand, it’s been a year now, give or take, and both of AEW’s men’s singles championships are on their second title holder, and all four champions are WWE alums: Brodie, Cody, Mox, and Jericho. It might be about to time to show confidence in one of their homegrown stars and put at least the midcard TNT Title on them.

Bu there’s something else going on here too, which I think is worth considering. When you push certain ex-WWE wrestlers like Brodie Lee, Eric Young, and Deonna Purrazzo (or the Good Brothers, FTR, and EC3), you give a sense of satisfaction to those “smart mark” fans who have long been saying these wrestlers could do so much more and go so much farther than they were allowed in WWE. It’s a kind of shine that comes from having been in WWE, not because of fans who love WWE and therefore love you for having worked there, but because of the idea that WWE held you down, and now that you’re in another company you’re your best self.

Even stars like Cody and Moxley, who got plenty of TV time and ultimately left by choice, have similar narratives about how WWE wouldn’t give them the freedom to be the characters they knew they be best as.

Wrestling is what it is, and promoters and performers alike will generally take whatever goodwill fans have to offer, including the “thank god you escaped from Vince” kind. That doesn’t mean these narratives aren’t true, just that they’re being used the same way that both truth and fiction are both used in wrestling: to get us to cheer and boo the right people.

When it comes to gateway bourbons, it’s hard to top the original Maker’s Mark. It’s full of vanilla, caramel, and corn-sweetness and is effortlessly easy to sip. But, the best thing about starting with bourbon from the Loretto, Kentucky-based distillery is the fact that you can step up to its other releases when your palate becomes a little more nuanced.

You can’t go wrong with its Maker’s Mark 46. But the true bourbon aficionados always eagerly await their second release, Maker’ Mark 2020 Limited Release. This is the second offering from its Wood Finishing series. Last year, the brand launched Stave Profile RC6. It was full of toasted vanilla, sweet caramel, and mouth-watering fruit flavors. This year, at the same time the brand is celebrating the 10th anniversary of Maker’s 46, it’s making this new release available.

You might be unfamiliar with the term “wood finishing.” In this scenario, it refers to Maker’s proprietary stave finishing process. After full maturation, cask strength bourbon is filled into barrels containing specifically designed wooden staves. Then, those barrels are rested in the brand’s limestone bourbon cellar. The result is a unique flavor profile created by the well-aged whiskey and the staves interacting together.

Available now nationwide, Maker’s Mark 2020 Limited Release has a suggested retail price of $59.99 — a great price for what’s in the bottle. It won’t be available for long, so you better get your hands on a bottle while you can.

Maker’s Mark 2020 Limited Release

ABV: 55.4%
Price: $59.99

The Story:

Proving that you need to compare both offerings, last year’s expression was created to be high in baking spices and fruity flavors. This year, the emphasis was richer, more dessert-like flavors. That’s because the 2020 version doesn’t use the same stave styles from the previous year. They selected the two specific staves to impart the flavors of vanilla and caramel. They didn’t figure out how to do this overnight. It took more than a year of experimenting before they created the perfect balance. One stave, made from French oak, was cooked on medium heat before toasting. The other stave was made from American oak. It was cooked on low heat for an extended period of time. The vast difference in the flavor of the two offerings makes us wonder what we’re in store for next fall.

Tasting Notes:

Like all great bourbon sipping sessions, it all starts with the nosing. You’d be remiss if you took a sip without first savoring the aromas of rich, toasted oak, sweet cream, and salted caramel. The first sip brings forth flavors of vanilla beans, sticky toffee pudding, and caramelized sugar with a subtle nutty backbone. The finish is long, dry, and ripe with more vanilla and caramel that ends with a subtle flourish of cinnamon.

Bottom Line:

The folks at Maker’s Mark spent a long time perfecting this whiskey. You should do it justice by pouring it over a few ice cubes and sipping it slowly while you watch the world go by around you. Its September launch is well-timed because this will be your go-to autumnal dram.

Tekashi 69 doesn’t believe there’s any difference between himself and Tupac, according to a New York Times profile of the recently-released, rabble-rousing rapper published today. The broad-spanning interview finds the troublemaking 24-year-old in full tell-all mode as he opens up about his various missteps, including his 2015 conviction for using a child in a sexual performance (he continues to deny wrongdoing in that instance), his testimony against the Nine Trey Bloods (“I knew what I was doing with Nine Trey. I knew what I was getting into.”), and his penchant for nonstop trolling in the pursuit of fame.

To whit, the comparison between 69 and Pac. When asked about his above-mentioned guilty plea for posting a video of a 13-year-old girl in a sexual performance with an acquaintance (he maintains he didn’t know the girl’s age and was devastated to learn it after the fact), he points to Tupac’s 1994 conviction for felony sex abuse. “Tupac Shakur was convicted of rape,” he insists. “Is Tupac Shakur loved or hated? Loved! What’s the difference between me and Tupac Shakur? I never caught a rape charge — ever.”

He counters protests that Tupac gave back to the world through his music by playing “Troublesome ’96” and pointing out that it’s one of Tupac’s biggest songs. “What’s the difference between that and ‘Billy’?” he wonders. You’re telling me he gave back through his art? You’re lying to me.” When interviewer Joe Coscarelli points out that Pac was a multifaceted artist in comparison to 69’s more one-dimensional output, Tekashi contends that “I got to feed what, in 2020, is relevant. I got to feed the masses. There’s no difference between me and Tupac Shakur.”

Read the full interview here.

This week’s episode of Hard Knocks began with Rams coach Sean McVay watching video of police shooting Jacob Blake in Wisconsin, which should give you an idea of the tone of the episode. Dammit, HBO, I was trying to watch these young men compete to give each other head trauma to forget all that!

There were some brief forays into other subjects, like Mike Williams’ loose gloves and Justin Herbert’s beautiful balls, but in the end it was back to social issues. Mainly it was the open question of whether these football players should use their platforms to try to effect change or stay in their proverbial lanes and keep knocking heads. Hard to blame the players or coaches for doing the former, even if it’s yet another example of our inability to have nice things at a time when we need a distraction to maintain our sanity.

Football coaches are also some of the last people on Earth I feel like I need to hear weigh in on how to fix society. But maybe they’re our fitting punishment for our own failure to keep the house in order. Send Sean McVay to Congress. Have him force Mitch McConnell to watch 11 hours of constantly paused game tape breaking down predatory policing between weird platitudes like “time to lean or time to clean, am I right chief?” Whip these clowns in congress into shape! Especially the ones who used to coach football!

Okay, whatever, this is the last episode and thus the last recap, we might as well get on with it.

Merciless Cut Of Previously Anonymous Player

Second: Rams quarterback Josh Love.

Your reward for going from walk-on to the third most prolific passer in San Jose State history? 30 seconds of screen time on Hard Knocks during which you get cut! Brutal, man.

Starter: Rams linebacker Bryan London II.

Josh Love got cut to make room for some new linebackers, as did London, who is… (*checks notes*) also a linebacker. Meanwhile, the coaches inexplicably attempted to explain this decision by describing all the positives of the news guys they were bringing in. “Yeah hey, we thought you did great, but we’re bringing in some guy we’ve never seen play on account he has such a great body. I mean 6’4″, 250! Just pure muscle, this guy. Anyway, you did amazing with what you got.”

I thank God none of my ex-girlfriends chose to dump me this way. “You tried really hard, but have you seen the abs on Steve? We just think he’s worth bringing in, just to see if he works within our system.”

Gratuitous Haka Footage

Starter: Breiden Fehoko

What the hell, guys? You had a guy who would lead the Haka this whole time and you hid him from us until the final episode? This is professional negligence. Give me all of the Hakas.

Too-Brief Moment Of Football-Like Excitement

Second: Justin Herbert’s beautiful balls.

The Chargers backup quarterback began this episode with a notably bad practice that coach Anthony Lynn somehow tried to spin into a positive — “no, honestly, looking like shit is exactly where we want him to be.” That quickly became backstory for Herbert’s incredible turnaround, stepping up in the pocket and throwing ball after beautiful ball. Boy, Justin Herbert has some beautiful balls, doesn’t he?

Dammit, Tyrod Taylor is going to get hosed again, isn’t he. And all so the Chargers can go 4-12 in an empty stadium.

First: The end-zone dive drill

Kudos to the Hard Knocks cinematographer, I never thought I could be so excited about guys jumping over a stack of pads. I guess we found out why Ekeler is the starter.

Legacy Hire Making Good

Second: Van Jefferson

Son of all-star Shawn Jefferson, Van Jefferson made some plays this week (“Jefferson wowed with his precision route running,” said the announcer). Then we realized he was just a sacrificial lamb for depicting the greatness of CB Jalen Ramsey. That’s my favorite Hard Knocks move, by the way. They spend five minutes puffing up a guy before you realize they’re only using him for scale.

Starter: Clay Johnston

After four episodes I still have no idea why this guy gets 5-10 minutes of screentime every episode. Is it for the apparently mediocre play? Was it solely a means to get his Godfather “Papa Favre” on camera? Come for the dull banter, stay for the cringey PG swears! “Fudge! Gosh, isn’t football great? Gee golly, I sure love the game.”

I wish NFL players got to write social justice messages on their jerseys like NBA players, so we could see Clay Johnston running around the practice squad in a “SHUCKS” jersey.

Anachronistic Joke Award

Starter: WAAAAZAAAAP, Justin Herbert.

Damn, that is a callback. A little internet sleuthing shows that Justin Herbert was one year old when the first Waaaaazuuu Budweiser ad aired. At this rate, he’s going to get to “…said no one ever” in about 10 more years. God bless him.

—

And with that, we say goodbye to season 15 of Hard Knocks, the first not to feature a single preseason game or live intra-team play. Like most things in 2020, we bid it a hardy “good f*cking riddance” and pray we never have to do it this way again.