For weeks, members of conservative media have claimed they have dirt on Hunter Biden, proof of corruption that will torpedo the presidential hopes of his father, Joe Biden. It was supposed to be their “October surprise,” their version of 2004’s (thoroughly discredited) “Swift Boat” scandal that helped sink George W. Bush rival John Kerry. But it hasn’t been going well. Despite constant coverage on Fox News and various media sites, hard evidence has failed to materialize, and the general public doesn’t appear to be buying it. On his show Wednesday night, as per The Daily Beast, Tucker Carlson claimed he had proof that would turn the tide. It just, he claimed, got lost in the mail.
This segment is truly one of the dumbest things I have ever watched. Tucker says he had the goods on the Bidens but the documents got lost in the mail and he’s apparently unable to even summarize what these smoking guns said. Seems legit! https://t.co/8oSoVzgwFQ
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) October 29, 2020
Carlson had gone all-in on the supposed Hunter Biden scandal. The previous night he interviewed Tony Bobulinski, a former associate who claimed the former Vice President’s son was lying when he denied involvement in businesses in China that made him a security risk. But that wasn’t a smoking gun. But Carlson swore he had such a thing — “a series of confidential documents,” he promised, would finally crush Hunter, and his father, for good. They were being overnighted — not via the still crippled USPS, but through an undisclosed shipping company.
Perhaps he should have used the Louis DeJoy-led United States Postal Service after all. Those documents, Carlson informed his fans on Wednesday night’s show, went missing. “Tuesday morning we received word from the shipping company that our package had been opened and the contents were missing,” he said, gravely. “The documents had disappeared.”
Carlson then hatched an elaborate, though also incredibly vague, plot to steal those documents. Only problem? An extensive investigation turned up no leads, no sign of a conspiracy, no explanation for what could have happened to those documents. The way he put it, it all sounded fishy.
But on social media, people had another theory, which is a better fit for Occam’s Razor, which says that the simplest explanation is often the one that’s correct.
Hey you guys, I had super-duper real incriminating evidence of all kinds of crimes committed by trump, but even though I could’ve made copies or scanned it, I decided to send the ONLY copy of it through Louis DeJoy’s trusted operation.
And Tucker Carlson is an idiot.
— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) October 29, 2020
Oh man looks like Tucker totally had the documents that were going to prove Hunter Biden’s guilt but they got lost in the mail! What a believable turn of events! https://t.co/gioC1aGKmO
— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) October 29, 2020
Shit. They must have gotten lost with Hillary’s email Server. Those darn mail people. What scoundrels. Now Tucker, do the thing about the 226,723 Americans who have died of Covid or the one about the Stock Market crashing today. And go… https://t.co/BvUdzLg2n6
— Josh Gad (@joshgad) October 29, 2020
Others thought it sounded like the excuse a school student would make.
The dog ate Tucker’s homework. https://t.co/JNZ7IOYipm
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) October 29, 2020
Others pointed out that Carlson, like most conservatives, should not be complaining about the mail screwing up in 2020.
There is just something so karmically wonderful about Tucker Carlson is complaining about sabotaged mail delivery.
— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) October 29, 2020
Quick! Somebody call @USPS Postmaster General Louis DeJoy!
“Hello?”
“Postmaster DeJoy, damning documents for @TuckerCarlson have disappeared in the mail. Do something!”
“Sorry, I ordered all of the sorting machines destroyed. Cannot comply.” https://t.co/skoggGilZW— Laurie Garrett (@Laurie_Garrett) October 29, 2020
Others kept it simple: They just mocked Tucker Carlson.
Worst October Surprise of all time https://t.co/8oSoVzgwFQ
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) October 29, 2020
BREAKING: burned out House of Cards writer pitches old Spin City episode https://t.co/RGcSliErQ4
— Matt swalt (@MattOswaltVA) October 29, 2020
Ha! The producers sent the ONLY copies. Oh no! https://t.co/nhVoAEFjOq
— h. jon benjamin (@HJBenjamin) October 29, 2020
rubbing them on my tits right now https://t.co/Z8XZqMkrpi
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) October 29, 2020
BREAKING BREAKING PLEASE ALERT MR @TuckerCarlson AND @FOXNEWS I HAVE IMPORTANT ELECTION INFORMATION pic.twitter.com/iZkXD42f2x
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) October 29, 2020
Damn! Exactly like what happened to his soul. https://t.co/z5fNRA1dg7
— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) October 29, 2020
I think the documents are soaked in the blood of satan and children. Hillary and I were just discussing it with Tom Hanks.
— Kathy Griffin (@kathygriffin) October 29, 2020
Then again, it does sounds suspicious, if not in the way Tucker thinks it does.
Fascinating tale. But the source isn’t simply resending you a copy why? https://t.co/YGQgmwWCJJ
— Philippe Reines (@PhilippeReines) October 29, 2020
(Via The Daily Beast)