Stephen Colbert kicked off Monday’s episode of The Late Show with a bottle of bubbly and a grin as wide as the smile face emoji. “Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Biden did it,” he said after handing his wife Evelyn McGee-Colbert a glass of champagne. “He’s our next president!” He sure is, and Colbert was in a celebratory mood. Not only for the state of the country, but also for himself and his wife.
“After we heard Joe clinch the Electoral College, we were on the porch, I sat down and just started crying with relief. And Evie said, ‘You never have to talk about him again.’ And then I cried with joy,” Colbert said. “For the last four years, if you were up late doomscrolling, you knew the president was up douche tweeting.” One of the things that Colbert is looking forward to over the next four years is people being nicer… possibly:
“One of the things I’ve found about this job is that I tend to reflect back the national tone ― and that tone comes from the top. The president’s only emotions are ‘angry,’ ‘look at me,’ and ‘I’m angry you’re not looking at me.’ And because he was the only thing we were focused on for the last four years, and this is entirely my responsibility, I’ve done harsher jokes than I’ve ever done in my entire life. This is why they say don’t wrestle with a pig because you’ll both get filthy and the pig likes it.”
But Colbert is mostly looking forward to the idea of “knowing things again. The last four years have been an assault on objective reality. He doesn’t want you to know anything… We’ve spent the last four years debating the value of of the enlightenment of a reality show host.” Americans can finally exhale, “unless you’re near other people then please don’t because of the pandemic,” he joked. Watch the clip above.