In his first full season in Los Angeles, Anthony Davis accomplished exactly what he set out to do and helped lead the Lakers to a championship. In the process, he added an undeniable sense of credibility to an already stellar career and laid the groundwork for success alongside LeBron for the next few years.
So it makes little sense to read anything into the fact that he’s being meticulous about his new contract with the team. Davis isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, despite opting out of his current deal and technically entering free agency. The Lakers know he’s planning on re-signing. The question now is for how much and how long.
According to the latest reports, Davis doesn’t feel the need to rush anything, despite the free agency moratorium officially opening at 6 p.m. ET on Friday. No, Davis will apparently take his time to consider both his immediate future with the team and a framework for whatever might come after.
Klutch Sports CEO and Davis’ agent, Rich Paul, will be in contact with Lakers general manager Rob Pelinka after 6 p.m. Friday, sources said, but Davis plans to wait minimally through Thanksgiving as he considers his options on the length and structure of maximum contract deals.
Davis, 27, has several possible scenarios on a new deal with the Lakers, including a three-year, $106 million deal that would include a player option on the 2022-23 season — a structure that would align Davis with the end of LeBron James’ deal.
Davis could do a two-year, $68 million deal with an option after next year — or longer deals for four years ($146.7M) and five years ($189M).
It’s unclear exactly which way Davis is leaning, whether he’d like to stay in L.A. long-term or to keep his options open and see exactly where LeBron is physically after next year — although if their championship run in Orlando is any indication, he’s shown little sign of slowing down despite his age after winning his fourth Finals MVP.
Still, a lot could change between now and then, and LeBron himself opted for shorter-term deals during his last stint in Cleveland, which ultimately opened the door for his signing with the Lakers. Regardless, fans in L.A. don’t seem to have anything to worry about with Davis.
Luh Kel dropped his album L.O.V.E. back in October and ahead of its release the rising R&B star invited Uproxx for an exclusive behind the scene peek at the making of his music video for “Feen” featuring Trippie Redd.
The set I arrived at was located in one of Hollywood’s elusive canyons where it was cold, windy, dusty, with a spread of million-dollar cars on the lot. When I got there, Trippie was shooting his part in the cave, lit by a crackling fire. While Trippie shot his part of the visual, I sat with Luh Kel, who was on day three of the shoot, and he told me more about the creation of “Feen.”
“The meaning of the song is just feigning about a girl when she not around you and you want her around,” he told me in between shots. “I got Trippie Redd on it. I felt like it matched his vibe so we sent him the song. He got on it. Sent it back and we started shooting the video. This is my biggest budget video. I’m flying in the air and getting captured by a gust of wind with a bunch of video effects.”
Directed by Matt Zoley, “Feen” finds Luh Kel dehydrated in the middle of the desert, yearning for his love and reminiscing about the good times before being appeased with a flowing of water that turns into a clear homage to Busta Rhymes’ music video “What’s It Gonna Be?!” Kel and the woman he’s been desiring then ride off in a shiny Lamborghini to a dark cave where Trippie lets off his verse over a warm wood fire while surrounded by angels.
“I recorded it with Scott Storch. He made the beat,” he added. “We was in the studio in February and now it’s October. Trippie just sent the verse last month.”
Luh Kel’s album L.O.V.E. also features additional production from Scott Storch and the 18-year-old musician says he’s just trying to “bring love back into the world” with the project.
Watch Luh Kel’s music video for “Feen” featuring Trippie Redd above.
Chadwick Boseman’s death is one of those moments we will probably always remember where we were when we heard the news. It’s not important what we were doing, it’s just important we all know what we were doing. It felt like a gut punch in a year where we’ve all been punched in the gut so often we didn’t realize there was anything left to hurt. I avoided writing about his death at the time because I simply wasn’t prepared to face facts. Basically, I’ll address that when I have more headspace to properly process what this means. In a world surrounded by so much grief, it was too difficult to add this on top of everything else. Besides, he still had another movie coming out, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, that people in the know were describing as perhaps his finest performance. Chadwick Boseman was gone, but there was still a sense he had one last gift to give us before he said his final goodbye. And I guess I wasn’t ready to say goodbye until we got to see that one remaining gift.
Which is why Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom is such a difficult movie to watch. While watching, it’s impossible not to face facts: this is it. And, my goodness, Boseman is just so alive in this movie. This is not an “understated” performance. It’s like watching an athlete give it all on the field and we are left there wondering how this man isn’t just completely exhausted. Yeah, turns out Boseman did have one last gift for us. And, my gosh, he didn’t disappoint. He’s pure dynamite. It’s devastating.
Based on August Wilson’s 1982 play of the same name, it’s set around blues legend Ma Rainey (Viola Davis, who is incredible) at her recording session in 1920s Chicago – which is fraught with problems and drama. Boseman plays Levee, a trumpeter in Ma Rainey’s band who doesn’t understand why he isn’t getting more attention for his musical talents. Boseman’s performance of Levee makes him both unbearably likable, mixed with just enough frightening ambition that leaves us wondering what Levee might be capable of doing.
But there’s no getting past that, besides some pretty nifty and stylized opening credits, this looks and feels like a play. And, look, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Normally I do prefer movies based on plays to feel a little more … open. But, here, especially under the unique circumstances, it becomes all about the acting. And the thing is, I probably won’t be saying near enough as I should be about Viola Davis’s performance. She brings it. But I know I’ll be watching many, many more great Viola Davis performances over the coming years. It just was never lost on me, while watching Boseman, that this was it. And I guess we’ll never know if he knew if this was it or not, but, I’ve used the word gift a few times already, but it truly is. To get this one last great performance as a way to say goodbye to this man so many people love, well there’s no other way to say it.
It just feels like in any other year we’d still be mourning Boseman. But this year, well, we still need to just get through it all before we can truly go back and look at what we all lost. But, in the meantime, we get to celebrate this great actor one more time. Who, here, is so full of life. Playing a character who is full of joy, pain, talent and anger. Again, it’s the kind of performance you just want to applaud. You can kind of envision it, the cast coming out to take their bows as Boseman steps forward one last time. And then Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom ended … and that was it. This whole time, thinking, well, there’s still one more movie coming, that is now over. It’s desperately sad. It’s the end of a career cut far too soon. But we won’t forget. And we won’t forget this one last shining jewel of a performance. And for that, we should all be grateful.
‘Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom’ will stream via Netflix on November 25th. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.
Here is something that I believe: Robert Englund should have won the Oscar over Michael Douglas in 1988 for his performance as Freddy Krueger in A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. No, really. The “greed is good” speech from Wall Street is fine and whatever, but it’s no “welcome to primetime, bitch” or “What’s wrong, Joey? Feeling tongue-tied?” Unfortunately, we can’t go back in time and take away Douglas’ Oscar, but we can return to the 1980s through Stranger Things, which cast Englund for season four.
Englund is set to play Victor Creel, “a disturbed and intimidating man who is imprisoned in a psychiatric hospital for a gruesome murder in the 1950s,” according to the Hollywood Reporter. The horror movie icon is one of several new additions to the Netflix hit, along with Tom Wlaschiha (Jaqen H’ghar from Game of Thrones) as a Russian prison guard who “befriends” Chief Hopper and Jamie Campbell Bower (young Grindelwald in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1) as “Peter Ballard, a caring man who works as an orderly at a psychiatric hospital. Tired of the brutality he witnesses day after day, Peter may be poised to take a stand.” Other new cast members include:
-Nikolaj Djuricko as Yuri, a seedy and unpredictable Russian smuggler who loves bad jokes, cold hard cash, and crunchy peanut butter;
-Mason Dye as Jason Carver, a rich sports star whose perfect world begins to unravel in the face of a new evil;
-Sherman Augustus as Lt. Colonel Sullivan, a no-nonsense man who believes he knows how to stop the evil in Hawkins.
Hopefully all the extra time between Stranger Things seasons has allowed the Duffer Brothers to write at least one “on a scale from 1 to 10, your pain is going to be an Eleven, bitch”-type joke for Englund. But, y’know, better than that.
Matt Berninger worked with an esteemed roster of collaborators on his debut solo album Serpentine Prison, and now he has added another after the fact: He got Future Islands to contribute a new remix of “One More Second,” and they really put their mark on the track.
It immediately sounds more like a Future Islands song thanks to the band’s signature persistent bass sound in the opening and then throughout. Another major element of the band’s sound, soaring synths, is also used in full effect here to really make it sound like Berninger’s vocals are laid atop a Future Islands track.
Berninger is a fan, as he said of the re-worked track, “Every time I put on Future Islands my impression of the human condition improves. Their remix of ‘One More Second’ kills me.”
Fans wanting to learn more about the collaboration can look forward to tomorrow, as Berninger and Future Islands’ Samuel T. Herring will be talking about it on Instagram Live.
Berninger recently told Uproxx about what it was like recording Serpentine Prison with Booker T. Jones, saying, “We moved really fast. We recorded everything in 14 days including almost all the overdubs. He would say, ‘Matt we got that one, let’s move on to another fish.’ He’s like, ‘We don’t need to keep catching this tuna. Let’s go find a shark.’ He moves fast.”
Listen to the Future Islands remix of “One More Second” above, compare it to the original version below, and revisit our interview with Berninger here. Also check out our recent chat with Future Islands here.
Detroit’s Kash Doll returns to smash on the competition with “Bad Azz” produced by DJ Infamous and featuring Mulatto and Benny The Butcher. The new song was premiered during Gucci Mane and Jeezy’s Verzuz battle last night, nearly being swallowed in the drama that followed. It’s impossible to keep these three rappers down for long though; the track resurfaced a couple of hours after being played during the Verzuz intro set, driven by the 2 million viewer debut that had the audience reaching for their Shazam apps.
“Bad Azz” is Kash Doll’s first new solo single since March’s “Rich Hoochie.” Clearly, it appears that Kash’s album promo was derailed by the pandemic, like so many other plans this year. But the Detroit rapper already proved her indomitable will on 2019’s Stacked, making it a near certainty she’d overcome the setback. Recruiting Mulatto and Benny for her comeback single shows she’s unafraid of the moment and knows just how to capture the public’s attention.
Her collaborators on “Bad Azz” have both had a breakout 2020; while Mulatto appeared on XXL‘s 2020 Freshman Class and dropped her charming debut Queen Of Da Souf shortly thereafter, Benny has popped up everywhere from Russ’ new EP to Freddie Gibbs’ top five rappers list, dropping his own Burden Of Proof to widespread acclaim.
There are a lot of reasons why a certain whiskey might not get the respect it deserves. In some cases, you have expressions or brands that are worldwide best-sellers, but every critic and mixologist will tsk if you dare touch the stuff. In other cases, pop culture will anoint a certain bottle worth your money and shelf space, thereby eclipsing sometimes dozens of other bottles that are just as good. Maybe even better.
Then there’s the fact that the industry has such a deep bench of expressions these days, most are inevitably going to get ignored. Don’t believe us? Buffalo Trace alone has 47 whiskey varieties available at the moment with many of those getting yearly re-releases. It can be dizzying.
To help you parse out the underhyped bottles on grocery store shelves, we thought we’d call out ten bottles we think don’t get the due they’re owed. Our reasons are simple: These are bottles that a lot of people know, sure, but they’re also the bottles the gatekeepers (critics, writers, so-called aficionados, bartenders, and even whiskey drinkers) slag off more than they celebrate. So, let’s bury the negativity today and dive into bottles that deserve a little more respect the next time you’re in a bar or shopping at your local liquor store.
The ten expressions below span whiskey regions and styles. They’re all fairly easily sourceable. And they all have their merits as mixers, shooters, or sippers.
Crown Royal is a Canadian blend that was made specifically for the arrival of the British monarchs back in the 1930s on their first visit to Canada. The blend marries 50 Canadian whiskies of varying grains and aging lengths from the 1-million-barrel Gimli aging facility in Manitoba.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a clear sense of vanilla next to ripe berries and a hint of maple syrup sweetness. The sip holds onto the vanilla and bright berries as hints of oak temper the sweeter edges of the syrup. The end is short, sweet, fruity, and lightly spicy and warm.
Bottom Line:
Canadian whisky deserves more respect in general. A great place to start is with a bottle of Crown Royal. A lot of folks use this as a mixer with Coke or ginger ale, which is perfectly fine. It also works on the rocks in a pinch and makes a decent old fashioned.
Chivas Regal is one of the biggest whiskies in the world, but that’s mostly outside of the U.S. The juice is a classic blend that is specifically built to be in a glass filled with rocks and maybe a splash of water.
Tasting Notes:
Cedar with hints of citrus, anise, banana, and salted caramel greet you. Creamy vanilla marries mild nutty notes as the nose carries on through the palate with hints of black pepper and malt. The finish is mellow, spicy, and creamy, albeit short.
Bottom Line:
This is a classic all-around for a highball or on the rocks. It’s a shame it gets overshadowed by bigger scotch blends (cough, cough … Walker … cough, cough) and almost ignored by bourbon fans given the vanilla, spice, caramel, and nuttiness in the body of the dram.
Sticking with the under-appreciated Canadian whiskies, Black Velvet Reserve is a shockingly good whisky forits price. No, it’s not the be-all-and-end-all of Canadian whisky. But it’s cheap and very drinkable. The actual juice is an Alberta spirit mostly rendered from corn and rye that’s blended before it goes into the barrel for eight long years.
Tasting Notes:
Peppery rye mingles with toasted oak, rich vanilla, and a nice dose of sweet caramel. A slight fruit note arrives — think cherry — that counterpoints the spicy rye while the oak and vanilla fade into the background. A slice of citrus arrives late and ends the finish rather abruptly, but nicely.
Bottom Line:
Look, we’re talking about a $15 bottle of whisky. It’s meant to be enjoyed with a glass of ice, mixed, or part of a highball. At the end of the day, if given the choice between something like Evan Williams — which also costs about $15 per bottle — and this, we’re going with this every time.
This bottle from Jim Beam replaced their 8-year expression but keeps the deeply well-rounded qualities of that bottle. The juice is basically Jim Beam that’s aged almost twice as long, brought down to proof with Kentucky’s famous soft limestone water, and then bottled.
Tasting Notes:
Classic notes of bourbon vanilla meet caramel, corn, and a hint of oak. This sip is the epitome of smooth. The plastic-y nature that can peek into regular Jim Beam is completely gone, leaving that vanilla, caramel, oak, light cherry fruit, and a final wisp of smoke on the very end.
Bottom Line:
Fred Noe, Beam’s iconic Master Distiller and living bourbon legend, drinks this stuff at home. We know what you’re thinking: How can we call out one of the best selling whiskey brands on the planet as not getting enough respect? Because of those sales numbers, folks tend to dismiss Beam as being too big to care about or too industrial.
It’s not. This is a damn fine workhorse bourbon for around $20. That’s a hard feat to pull off these days.
Hailing from Buffalo Trace, this nearly-bottom-shelf bourbon is rarely cited as a bourbon you should be drinking if you want something both good and cheap. The juice is the same mash bill as Buffalo Trace’s much-lauded and beloved Blanton’s Single Barrel. Granted this is not a single barrel, but it’s the same juice that’s blended with other barrels that weren’t deemed quite good enough to become Blanton’s.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a clear note of corn up top with vanilla, caramel, and a bit of butter. The sweetness leans into toffee territory with a mild hint of spice next to a caramel corn feel. The end is cut short by a rush of citrus and you’re left with a slight warmth.
Bottom Line:
At $13, you could do a lot worse than this bottle. If you’re mixing up simple drinks, it’s a solid candidate.
It’s also better than Evan Williams. There, we said it.
Cardhu is one of those little Speyside distilleries that gets lost in the shuffle very easily. The juice in this bottle is a classic malt that leans heavily into the fruitier and sweeter side of scotch single malts, as opposed to the heavily smoked side of the style.
Tasting Notes:
Spicy apple next to hints of other tropical fruits greet you. There’s a bit of butterscotch lurking in the background, with a very, very distant echo of smoke. The malts, spice, apple/pear, and sweet velvet nature linger for just the right amount of time as it fades away.
Bottom Line:
The Cardhu 11 was a big surprise in this year’s Diageo Rare by Nature collection. So this whisky squarely falls into the category of needing more respect by simply needing more recognition as something worth seeking out.
This is a bottle of Turkey that eschews the higher proof of Wild Turkey 101 for a much more approachable 81 proof. The juice is classic Turkey with a high-rye mash, straight-forward maturation, and high-quality crafting.
Tasting Notes:
Stonefruit, vanilla, corn, and caramel greet you. There’s a hint of rye spice in the body with apples and mild Christmas spices. The end is short-ish with hints of that apple, corn, vanilla, and spice peaking back in.
Bottom Line:
Yes, Wild Turkey is popular. But, let’s face it, Wild Turkey is looked at as a kid’s whiskey that you abscond with for high school parties. A brand that you’re supposed to age out of. That’s bullshit, if you ask us.
This is a perfectly fine bourbon at a good price that works really well as a mixer for cocktails and highballs.
The beauty of Old No. 7 comes through in the process. This is a low rye whiskey (only eight percent) that goes through the famed Lincoln County Process. That’s where the whiskey is filtered — one drop at a time — through a large stack of sugar maple charcoal. This adds depth to the dram while taking off the harsher edges more associated with a young bourbon. It’s also what makes it Tennessee whiskey.
Tasting Notes:
Bananas seared in brown butter mingle with vanilla crackers and a slight corn essence. The sip adds to that with a bitter charred oak edge with a hint of spicy warmth. The end is short, full of that buttery banana, and slightly warm.
Bottom Line:
Jack Daniel’s is the best selling whiskey in the world. You’ll also always see people roll their eyes at you when you offer it to them at a bar or whiskey event. There’s just something about being number one at anything that makes people dismiss or even hate it.
Again, we call bullshit. This is perfectly fine workhorse whiskey for this price point and it has stood the test of time for a reason.
This whisky from the Kaikyo Distillery in Akashi, Japan, is an easy-drinking blend of malt whiskies from Japan and malts imported from Scotland. The whiskies are aged in three different casks — bourbon, sherry, and Mizunara — before it’s brought down to proof and bottled.
Tasting Notes:
The malt comes through with a honeyed sweetness next to bright orchard fruits and a hint of dried wood. The fruit becomes more dried as the malts sweeten and the dried florals arrive next to a very light sense of vanilla pudding. The end is sweet and slow, with a final billow of spicy tobacco smoke.
Bottom Line:
You could probably insert almost any Japanese whisky in this slot as deserving of more respect from American whiskey drinkers. Still, Hatozaki is a fine blend of malts that offers a chance to take a light dip into the style. It’s also a great candidate for a highball.
While wheated bourbons are all the rage at the moment (Pappy and Weller being the most sought-after examples), wheat whiskies have not quite hit as resoundingly … yet. Bernheim Original Wheat Whiskey — from Heaven Hill — flips the script and uses mostly winter wheat that’s supported by small doses of corn and malted barley. The juice is then aged for seven years in new oak.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a honey sweetness that works well with the grain and vanilla on the nose. The sip hits on notes of spice, bright berries, and buttery toffee with a velvet body. The end brings about round toasted oakiness with a little more of the spice and buttery toffee as it fades across the senses.
Bottom Line:
This whiskey is starting to win big awards and will be popping up a lot more soon, especially given its accessible price point. Try it now! Use it as a cocktail base or on the rocks.
Tucker Carlson isn’t as die-hard of a Trump fan as Sean Hannity, who invited Rudy Giuliani to follow up on his hair-dye-filled meltdown of a press conference that was mocked by Trump staffers caught on live video, as well as the world at large. Carlson and Hannity did focus on the same issue in their followup to Rudy’s mania, though. And whereas Hannity let the spectacle continue — allowing Rudy to rant (complete with a throat-slash gesture) about an already debunked conspiracy theory that revolves around a baseless claim about vote-changing software orchestrated from a (nonexistent) German server — Carlson also wished to discuss the matter, not so much about Giuliani but fellow Trump Team attorney Sydney Powell.
It’s a stunning segment, partially because Carlson points out that he’s exceedingly “open-minded” (enough to cover UFOs on his show), but he cannot stomach Powell’s kooky election fraud claims when she has refused to cooperate with his requests for evidence. Carlson points out that he’d be down to help prove the “single greatest crime in American history… millions of votes stolen in a day… Democracy destroyed,” but he can’t get Powell to cooperate… perhaps because she has no evidence? Exactly.
Tucker Carlson calls out Sidney Powell, saying he asked her for evidence to support her election fraud claims, but “she never sent us any evidence despite a lot of requests, polite requests, not a page.”
As Carson reveals, Powell “never sent us any evidence despite a lot of requests, polite requests,” and she apparently grew furious over the matter and asked Tucker’s people “to stop contacting her.” Further, “she never demonstrated that a single actual vote was moved illegitimately by software from one candidate to another.”
Surely, Trump was not pleased while watching this from his self-imposed White House bunker. This deserves a poem, right?
So Tucker Carlson asked Sidney to release the Kraken.
But it seems that her evidence, and credibility, were lackin’.
That trump seems to have lost Tucker is quite gobsmackin’.
It’s a sign that Fox News is starting to come full circle with the idea that Trump has lost the election. Carlson even said last week that Trump would have no one to blame but himself if he ended up losing, but it also looks like Trump can blame both Giuliani and Powell for making the situation even more of a hot mess. And it’s a dangerous mess, since Rudy and Sydney are both on-board with the false conspiracy of the U.S. army seizing a software server that flipped Trump votes to Biden. And of course, it’s all Hillary’s fault, according to the kooky theories. I don’t think Hillary is listening anymore!
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE — Listen to me
It is my opinion that Hollywood should release the ninth Fast & Furious movie, F9, on at least one streaming or VOD platform at 8 p.m. ET on New Year’s Eve. I say “Hollywood” here instead of any specific studio or individual because the nuts and bolts of this are not important to me. I do not care how it happens. It does not matter to me at all if the decision is made by one person or many people working together. It does not matter how many lawyers and accountants need to get involved, because that is a problem for the lawyers and accountants. I am neither. I cannot possibly stress in strong enough terms how much I do not care about the minutiae here. All that matters to me is that when I open my laptop at 8 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, there is a button I can click that will let me watch F9. Wonder Womanis hitting HBO Max on Christmas Day. There is precedent here. I do not think this is unreasonable.
You, the reader, probably agree with me because you are wise and smart and attractive, but I imagine all the decision-makers in Hollywood might need a bit more convincing. That’s fine. I can do a little salesmanship here. Let’s make it simple. Let’s explain this in a simple, logical three-step analysis.
STEP 1 — There will be a captive audience
Look, the way things are going right now, most of the world will be at home on New Year’s Eve this year. Even small gatherings could be dicey, as the CDC just advised people to stay at home for Thanksgiving and I do not see things improving in any significant way in the next five-ish weeks. People are going to be stuck in the house, and bored, and bummed, and I bet millions of them would gladly kill off the last few hours of this godforsaken year by watching Dominic Toretto and his crew of misfits-turned-government-assets do battle against his evil secret brother played by John Cena and the returning notorious anarchist cyberterrorist played by Charlize Theron, who now apparently has a bowl cut now.
Universal
It would probably end up being a big thing. A social media phenomenon. Millions of people trapped in their house on the biggest party night of the year live-tweeting the latest installment of the world’s craziest film franchise. These maniacs are allegedly going to space this time. Do you — I’m talking to Hollywood here — remember the first Sharknado movie? Do you remember what a wild experience that was, with what appeared to be half the country coming together to experience a movie about Ian Ziering and Tara Reid saving America from tornados filled with sharks? This could be like that, but bigger, and better, and with Ludacris playing a character who, as recently as the second film in the franchise, was officiating jet ski races and is now one of the world’s greatest hackers and technology experts. Think about it. The part about the audience on New Year’s Eve, not the trajectory of Lisa’s character. Although, think about that, too, if only because it’s fun.
And then think about…
STEP 2 — The people need this
This year has been bad, and not in the way previous years have been bad, where a few celebrities passed away and people were like “Lord take me now, this year has been unbearable.” It’s been legitimately bad, with a nasty virus keeping us inside and afraid since March, and a nasty election season, and my beloved Sixers getting swept out of the NBA playoffs in the first round, which is admittedly less important than the first two things but still matters to me.
The best solution I can think of is to let all of us watch F9 together in the last hours of the year and have Charlize Theron metaphorically scoop us up with her magnet plane and carry us into 2021 for a fresh start.
Universal
It’s a good idea. And that’s before we get to…
STEP 3 — If I don’t know how or why Han is alive by 12:01 AM on January 1, I will start heaving small appliances out my window
Come on.
Universal
COME ON.
You can’t go around releasing trailers where characters who have been killed off two separate times in your franchise come sauntering into the action all calm-like and not tell me how or why it happened for close to a year. That’s not okay. It’s not fair. Do not let this linger into 2021. Tell me. Just tell me. I am willing to wait until the last moments of 2020 to find out but if we are four months into 2021 and I still don’t know… I will not handle it well. I might become an anarchist cyberterrorist… once I figure out exactly what one of those does, beyond attempting to steal a nuclear submarine, which Charlize Theron did in the last movie and was thwarted by the Family, which is just a wonderful thing to wrap your head around considering the whole thing started with Vin Diesel racing neon Hondas and stealing DVD players.
Please, Hollywood. Just do it. Release F9 on New Year’s Eve. To heal the nation.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — Have you thanked Dolly Parton today?
Prior to this week, it was the position of this column that Dolly Parton is a top 10 living American and top 25 all-time. There are many reasons for this claim, but if you asked me to summarize them in bullet point form, or if you didn’t but happened to be near me when I started going off about it (again), I suppose it would look something like this:
Has donated over 100 million books to libraries across America as part of her program to advance children’s literary
Gave $1,000 a month to 900 families affected by the Gatlinburg fires in Tennessee for five months, and then gave them $5,000 in the sixth months because donations to her foundation increased
Allegedly wrote “Jolene” and “I Will Always Love You” on the same day
Was a producer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Wrote and performed the song “9 to 5,” which still rules and is embedded above, and which you should probably be playing as you read this
Just an entire lifetime of being the best, both personally and professionally. And, somehow, she took it to a new level this week when news broke that development of one of the most promising coronavirus vaccines out there was funded in part by her $1 million donation.
The Washington Post has some cool background on how and why the donation to the Vanderbilt team came to be, and how it started with a minor car accident that resulted in her befriending a doctor there.
That’s where she met Naji Abumrad, a physician and professor of surgery. Abumrad knew next to nothing about the beloved megastar with big, blond hair, but he soon befriended her because he deeply enjoyed their talks about current events and science.
Their bond of nearly seven years received worldwide attention Tuesday after it was revealed that Parton’s $1 million donation to Vanderbilt for coronavirus research, made in honor of Abumrad, partially funded the biotechnology firm Moderna’s experimental vaccine, which a preliminary analysis released this week found is nearly 95 percent effective at preventing the illness.
Please do take a second here to imagine meeting Dolly Parton with no prior knowledge of who she is or why she is important. That’s a fun little side note to this story. Not the most important part, or even close to it, really, because we kind of have Dolly Parton to thank for curing a deadly pandemic that has shut down the world for most of the year.
Which brings me back to the heading of this section: Have you — like, you, personally — thanked Dolly Parton today for all she’s done? Because you should. I’m doing it now. And I’m also updating my figures: Dolly Parton is a top-five living American and top 10 all-time.
ITEM NUMBER THREE — I hope Paolo Sorrentino made a note when he saw this
HBO
The Pope’s official Instagram page liked a butt picture. I’m sorry for diving right into this like that but I don’t really know how else to do it. It happened, it’s hilarious, and people are taking it very seriously, which is also a little hilarious. Let’s check the reporting from Catholic News Agency.
The picture “liked” by Pope Francis’ verified account, Franciscus, features Brazilian model and Twitch streamer Natalia Garibotto wearing a lingerie outfit that resembles a school uniform. Garibotto’s mostly-uncovered posterior is visible in the picture. The exact time of the “like” is unclear, but it was visible and reported by news outlets on November 13.
The photograph was unliked on November 14, after CNA asked the Holy See Press Office for comment. An official for the Holy See Press Office declined to comment on the event.
See? There it is. The Pope liked a butt pic, which I would consider his second most notable social media moment, just behind this consistently useful tweet:
The earth, our home, is beginning to look more and more like an immense pile of filth.
Anyway, yes, there is now an investigation underway, which is, again, also kind of hilarious.
Sources close to the Vatican press office confirmed to CNA that the pope’s various social media accounts are managed by a team of employees, and that an internal investigation is underway to determine how the “like” happened.
I love it. I feel bad for the poor Vatican employee who was scrolling through naughty Instagram pictures without realizing he or she was still logged into THE POPE’S OFFICIAL INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT, but still, objectively funny. My only hope now is that this news is on the radar of Paolo Sorrentino, creator of both The Young Pope and The New Pope, because this would make a perfect storyline for a third installment of the show, hopefully titled something like The Tall Pope and starring Adam Driver. I’ll pray for it. I’ll pray for it really hard.
HBO
Probably not that hard. But close.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — No, Matthew McConaughey is not running for Governor of Texas… yet
WARNER BROS.
I don’t know how much time you spend online. Hopefully, less than I do. But if you’re on here a fair amount, you might have seen a few stories this week about Matthew McConaughey considering a run for Governor of Texas. This is, as it turns out, not entirely true, as McConaughey himself attempted to clear up to Stephen Colbert afterward. Here are some things he said during that attempt.
“I have no plans to do that right now, as I said, that would be up to a lot of other people”
“I don’t get politics. Politics seems to be a broken business. Politics needs to redefine its purpose.”
“As I move forward in life, am I going to consider leadership roles where I can be most useful? I’d love to, I’m doing that regardless. That’s where I sit right now.”
Seems clear enough to me. So, how did things get so confused? It all started with an interview he did with Hugh Hewitt to promote his new book, Greenlights. He’s been everywhere promoting this sucker, and he’s a nice and charming man who doesn’t want to be rude to his hosts, so that can lead to exchanges like this one, which starts just after Hewitt half-jokingly suggested the gubernatorial run.
MCCONAUGHEY: I don’t know. I mean, that wouldn’t be up to me. It would be up to the people more than it would me. I would say this. Look, politics seems to be a broken business to me right now. And when politics redefines its purpose, I could be a hell of a lot more interested.
HEWITT: You know, it’s fascinating to me. It’s a fascinating concept. Like Arnold did in California, some people get one shot. Now you’re the brand ambassador for Lincoln and Wild Turkey. If you were the brand ambassador for the U.S. for President-Elect Biden, I’m just curious what could you recommend that both Republican and Democrats could get behind?
MCCONAUGHEY: Well, you know me. I’ve talked to you about it before. I’m, I want to get behind personal values to rebind our social contracts with each other as Americans, as people again.
Again, seems like a clear case of him being nice and trying to gently steer the conversation away from where it was headed. But apparently, some people heard that and got excited and spun it into articles like “Is Matthew McConaughey Considering A Run For Governor?” and that put it into the world in a way that could not be undone. It’s just too good of a visual. Picture Matthew McConaughey in a debate, telling long stories that barely get anywhere, calling the moderator “kemosabe,” all of it. You can see it right now. I know I can. It makes me sad I did enough research here to realize it won’t happen.
In fact, you know what? I take it back. Pretend I never said anything. The fiction is way more fun. Let’s roll with that.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Well, guess what: Spike Lee is making a musical about Viagra
Universal
Two things worth noting here:
Spike Lee is making a musical about Viagra, which I know I said in the heading but I really wanted to say again
The image I used is from Inside Man, also directed by Spike Lee, because I could not think of an image to use that accurately explained the concept of Spike Lee directing a Viagra musical
“First And Foremost,I Thank Ms. Jacquelyn Shelton Lee. I Thank My Late Mother For As She Would Say Taking “My Narrow,Rusty Behind” Dragging,Kickin’ And Screamin’ To The Movies When I Wuz A Nappy Headed Kid Growing Up In Da Streets Of Da People’s Republic Of Brooklyn. I Did Not Want To See Corny People Singin’ And Dancin’. I Instead Wanted To Play With My Friends On Da Block,Stoop Ball,Stick Ball,Punch Ball, Soft Ball, Basketball,2 Hand Touch, Tackle Football, Coco Leevio, Johnny On Da Pony, Hot,Peas And Butter, Crack Top,Down Da Sewer And Of Course-Booty’s Up. All The Great New York City Street Games That Might Be Sadly Lost Forever. My Father,Bill Lee,Jazz/Folk Bassist,Composer HATED HollyWeird Movies,Henceforth And What Not,Me Being The Eldest Of 5 Children I Became Mommy’s Movie Date. She Was A Cinefile. Thank You Lawdy She Didn’t Listen To My Ongoing Complaints About Musicals. So Finally Going Into My 4th Decade As A Filmmaker I Will Be Directing An DANCIN’,ALL SINGIN’ MUSICAL Spike Lee Joint And I Can’t Wait. My Moms Has Been Waiting TOO!!! And Dats Da Rodgers And Hammerstein Truth,Ruth.”
I love that Spike capitalizes every word of his statements. It must take so much extra time. Everyone on social media does the all lowercase thing now (guilty), but Spike is out there still holding down the shift key every few letters. I love it. I also love that he closed this out with “And Dats Da Rodgers And Hammerstein Truth, Ruth.” Has to be the first time that collection of letters was ever written or typed in that order. Historic in a number of ways, really.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Joe:
After reading your brilliant reasoning for why Tom Hardy should play a Paddington villain (the most correct thing posted on the internet in 2020), I want to throw a suggestion at you. Tom Hardy should play the villain in a Paddington – Mission: Impossible crossover. I understand this sounds insane, but I hope I can argue for the contrary. The basic idea is I want two scenes. The first is when Benji (Simon Pegg) and Luther (Ving Rhames) express disbelief that they’re working with a talking bear while Ethan (Tom Cruise) just smiles and shrugs like this isn’t even the craziest thing that’s happened to him in the last six months. Also, I want to see Tom Cruise running just pell-mell while Paddington trundles along behind, apologizing as he bumps into everyone Tom dodged. For the latter scene, I would also accept Paddington atop an animal easily outpacing a stunned Ethan or Paddington clinging to Ethan like Yoda does to Luke in Star Wars. Alongside this, I want Tom Hardy just chewing all the scenery he can, putting Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s performance from M:I-3 to shame. Call it Mission: Impossible – Pilfered in Peru and I’ll see it in theatres at least 15 times.
I have nothing to add. This is just a great email. I would see this movie twice in IMAX once we are allowed to go see movies in IMAX again. I hope it opens with Tom Cruise and Paddington flinging themselves over Niagara Falls on a huge inflatable raft. I hope they do that before they even explain why or how Paddington is there. That can happen after the credits. The beginning is for chaos.
A man wanted for his role in an alleged $35 million Ponzi scheme was arrested Monday after evading FBI agents by swimming into California’s largest reservoir using an underwater “sea scooter,” federal prosecutors said.
I’ve been reading this sentence all week and it has made me smile every time. To be clear, I do not think Ponzi schemes are funny. Ponzi schemes are bad. Do not do a Ponzi scheme and tell people I said you should. And do not Ponzi scheme me either. Not even a little bit. I would not like that at all. But just the idea of this, the general concept of a bozo fraudster fleeing the authorities by leaping into a lake and buzzing around for a bit with a “sea scooter”… I’m sorry, but that is extremely funny to me.
Matthew Piercey spent nearly 30 minutes in frigid Lake Shasta using the Yamaha 350Li submersible device before he eventually resurfaced and was handcuffed, the Sacramento Bee reported. It wasn’t immediately known if the 44-year-old has an attorney.
Please do stop here and try to picture what was going through this guy’s head as he shivered his way through an icy lake on a submersible scooter with the FBI on the warmer dry land just waiting him out. I don’t know if I’m more impressed he made it 30 minutes or more disappointed he didn’t keep going until the battery died.
Either way, there’s good news: This gets even funnier.
“Then, Piercey abandoned his truck near the edge of Lake Shasta, pulled something out of it, and swam into Lake Shasta,” federal prosecutors wrote in court documents calling Piercey a flight risk. “Piercey spent some time out of sight underwater where law enforcement could only see bubbles.”
Okay, now please stop to imagine what was going through the FBI agents’ minds as they stood on the edge of the lake watching this guy spin around in circles as telltale bubbles floated to the surface to give away his location. It was probably like the end of the movie Spy where Jason Statham’s character gives this big speech about how he wants to sail up the coast because a man needs to go to sea sometimes and he takes off on the boat without realizing that the body of water he has set out on for this adventure is actually a lake.
I guess what I’m saying here is that Spy is a good movie.
The producer duo Internet Money (Nick Mira and Taz Taylor) broke out in a huge way this year thanks to their debut album B4 The Storm and its lead single, “Lemonade” featuring Don Toliver, Gunna, and Nav. The song, which arrived with a splash in August, climbed to No. 6 on the Hot 100 and subsequently received a remix with the Billboard-dominating Roddy Ricch, extending its popularity. However, Mira and Taylor aren’t done with the track yet; today, they released yet another remix of the song, this time with a Spanish verse from Reggaeton star Anuel AA.
Although Internet Money may be a new-ish-seeming group to the uninitiated, they’ve technically been running the charts for some time. As a collective, they’ve been responsible for hits from the likes of Drake, Gunna, Juice WRLD, Lil Baby, Lil Tecca, Lil Uzi Vert, Trippie Redd, and more. Basically, if it’s been on the radio or Rap Caviar-style playlist in the last two years, there’s a strong chance either Nick or Taz had a hand in it. B4 The Storm, which released August 28 through TenThousand Projects, featured many of their go-to collaborators as well as rising stars like 24kGoldn, Iann Dior, Lil Mosey, Lil Skies, StaySolidRocky, and The Kid Laroi.
Listen to the “Lemonade” remix above.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
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