Month: December 2020

Playing soccer against Lionel Messi has never seemed particularly fun, especially if you’re one of the goalkeepers who will invariably get beaten by the best player to ever set foot on the pitch. This week, Messi passed the latest mile marker in his decorated career when he scored his 644th goal for Barcelona.

That goal, a 65th minute strike against Valladolid in a 3-0 Barcelona win, set the new record for the most goals scored for one club, breaking Pele’s mark with Brazilian side Santos. It is a remarkable record by any measure — a testament to his brilliance, longevity, and tenure with one club — and in celebration of the achievement, Budweiser thought it’d be fun to rub a little salt in the wound for those who helped him along the way.

Budweiser sent custom bottles of beer to all the keepers who have been beaten by Messi over the years. As Jan Oblak of Atletico Madrid and Gianluigi Buffon of Juventus posted on their Instagrams, the beer company sent one bottle of beer for every goal Messi scored against each keeper, with the numbers of the various goals along this journey plastered on the front.

This is, at the very least, delightful banter and a good way for a bunch of guys to get their hands on free beer. Still, if I was the dude on the receiving end of this, I probably would not want just one beer as I got reminded of it.

Cobra Kai is kicking off (sorry) its new season a bit earlier than initially expected. Netflix announced that Season 3 of the streaming revival of the Karate Kid franchise would debut on New Year’s Day rather than a week later, allowing a technology-challenged Johnny Lawrence break the news himself.

The video shows Lawrence doing something we all probably wish was actually possible: manually changing release date information on Netflix to speed things up a bit.

“I heard you all whining about Season 3 taking forever. So I called the pawn shop and the guy walked me through this Netflix thing,” the video’s caption claims Lawrence said. “Dude knows his stuff. Now you get it a week early. See you on New Year’s, nerds.”

The clip is actually repurposing a funny moment from Season 2, where Johnny struggles to understand anything about how the internet works after buying a very old used laptop to try creating a Cobra Kai website.

Apparently he’s gotten a lot better at all of that stuff if he’s hacking Netflix in canon, but we’ll have to wait a week less to see if it’s actually part of Season 3. There are certainly a lot of other things to deal with in that season, though, so maybe Lawrence’s internet hacking tips won’t make the cut. But it’s a clever way to reveal that we’re all getting more Cobra Kai a bit earlier than we expected. A nice little holiday treat for weary karate fans eager to leave 2020 behind.

George Clooney’s politics are not a secret, so perhaps it’s no surprise that the actor has some particularly unkind words for Donald Trump and his supporters. Oh, and Ted Cruz.

Clooney was interviewed in the New York Times on Thursday and covered a wide variety of topics, including Trump. But it was Cruz that stood out in particular, and Clooney saved his ire for the Texas politician who insists on defending Trump well after he lost an election and years after the two were political rivals for the Republican presidential nomination.

That particular campaign was ugly for Cruz, who endured Trump commenting on his wife’s looks, implying that his father was involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy and other slights. Which is exactly what Clooney brought up when discussing Republicans that have stuck with Trump, who Clooney described as “a charismatic carnival barker.”

The world is different now. I mean, Ted Cruz, think about what a yutz this guy is! I don’t care what your political view is: If a guy said that my wife was ugly and my father killed Kennedy, there is no way in the world you could have me come out and say, “I’ll defend you.”

Every single one of these guys have aspirations for bigger things — Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Mike Pence, all of them. They think people will travel with them because, “I’ve stuck with you, Don,” but the truth is, they won’t. They stay with Donald because Donald, for all of his immense problems as a human being, is a charismatic carnival barker.

Clooney started talking about Trump because of his frustrations with Trump refusing to embrace wearing masks in a pandemic, as well as his belief that Republicans will not suddenly be willing to reach across the aisle and work with Democrats in a Joe Biden presidency. It’s a sentiment that many more left-leaning people have expressed in the final days of 2020, but few of those people are as likely to get Cruz to tweet about them in a slightly inflammatory way for calling him out than Batman himself.

[via NYT]

When the NBA and WNBA finished up their Bubble seasons, it felt as if it would be a while before pro basketball was in our lives again. But when the NBA got down to mapping out its next season, it became clear we’d be watching the best athletes in the world compete on the hardwood again before long. In a matter of weeks, our annual Christmas Day tradition of hunkering down for a full slate of NBA games was saved.

That’s not exactly the story told in “How Hoopsmas Was Saved,” a new animated short from Puma and Jalen Rose, but it might as well be. In this cartoon, released on Christmas Eve, Rose narrates a clip showing how Santa Claus sprains his ankle and a band of pro hoopers, including LaMelo Ball and Skylar Diggins-Smith, has to come together to drive the sleigh and deliver presents to young basketball fans everywhere.

In recent years, Puma has built up its roster of basketball players again, and they all show off their stuff in this new clip. Ball tosses a gift into a chimney from long range while Derrick Jones Jr. slams home a package like he’s back in the NBA Dunk Contest.

Christmas basketball is here for us all to enjoy, and while it’s unlikely any NBA or WNBA players have to sub in for Santa on Friday, watching hoops will be a welcome addition to the holidays this year more than ever.

Cardi B oftentimes raps about enjoying the finer things in life, and she’s making no exception this holiday season. In order to ring in the holidays, Cardi B had her Atlanta mansion’s living room turned into an impressive display of festive decor.

The rapper took to Instagram to show off her decorative home. Panning across her living room, Cardi gives a look at all the garland, lights, and presents that fill the large space. The rapper then walks over to display her array of Christmas trees, five in total, which together create a forest of snow-lined firs.

“So I haven’t seen my home decoration because I’ve been in LA and I just got here from New York. I can’t believe this is my home,” she says in the video. “This is just beautiful. This is beautiful. I cannot believe this is my house, like a f*cking dream. Imagine being from New York and going to Macy’s and sh*t and your house look like f*ckin’ Macy’s. This amazing, I’m going to cry you guys. F*cking dream come true.”

Check out a clip of Cardi’s festive living room set up above.

Cardi B is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

What does the second chapter look like for athletes after they retire? For former Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison, two of the paths frequented by his brothers and sisters in sport — acting and business — seemed interesting, so he decided to try and pursue both.

On the business front, Harrison partnered with Champions + Legends to help promote their workout brand of CBD sports supplements to help athletes workout and shorten recovery time. Harrison says he was introduced to CBD products before he retired as a way for him to recover.

Uproxx Sports caught up with the former Steelers star in the midst of his second chapter. Harrison was filming in Atlanta — he’s in a supporting role in the appropriately-named upcoming Starz wrestling Drama Heels — and we discussed how football and acting are very similar, how Vin Diesel convinced him he should try acting, and why Marvel would have to create a new villain for Harrison, should they ever cast him.

When were you first introduced to CBD?

Well, I was actually introduced to CBD right before I retired. And back then, like, you know, you had to make sure you found something that was clean, pure, because if you got something that had too much of a high concentration of THC, then you’d test positive on a drug test. So that’s when I originally got introduced to it.

How’d you link up with Champions + Legends?

I met Champions + Legends almost a year and a half ago through the process and they were starting up a new company. So obviously I wanted to get involved with it and they wanted me to be involved with them. I started using the samples that they had before they started mass producing and this stuff worked. I had used different CBD stuff before — to be honest with you, it really didn’t work that well.

You’re doing acting now, what is that like?

I’m in a series right now, it’s called Heels. It’s actually going to be a new series that will be on Starz. So, I’m in Atlanta actually filming that right now. Acting has been something that I wanted to get into after seeing The Fast and Furious. And I’m like “I could do what Vin Diesel is doing.” So, that’s what made me really feel like I could do it. I mean the acting thing, I mean, I’ve been acting since I was a little kid. You know, everybody tell lies, so I just thought I was a little better at it than them (laughs).

You’ve been, from all accounts, a very structured person. So going into something with a little less structure, what were some of the adjustments to acting?

To be honest with you, acting is very structured as far as what it is you’re doing. Just learning from the people that have been doing it a while. It’s like playing football, you gotta do it over and over. I’m not having to try and reach real dramatic highs of trying to shed tears and everything like that. So I’m still more in the area of what I’m comfortable with right now as far as what I’ve done and, you know, my regular life. So it’s easier for me to get this role than it was to get another one where I would have to try and be like Denzel or something, you know?

Are the Denzel Washington roles something that appeal to you?

Yes, definitely. I won’t say all of his roles. But Training Day or something like that, you know what I’m saying? Honestly, I’d want something more geared towards like what The Rock would do, where most of his is just action. It’s not really anything that’s too drama where you gotta sit in all the emotions, bust tears and everything. I can cry, I can almost get, like, two, three tears out. I can do one for sure though.

If there’s a project and the casting director is like, “Okay, we gotta get James Harrison.” What is that role that you absolutely want front of the line for?

Like I said, anything that makes me look like I’m the hardest S.O.B around. And, it’s all The Rock roles, to be honest with you (laughs).

So if Justin Lin or anyone from The Fast And Furious called you?

I’m absolutely willing to be the villain. As long as I’m the most dominant villain that they’ve had on there so far, like, Thanos.

You brought up Thanos so I must ask. Is there a Marvel character you wanna play?

Mmm. They’d have to make up a totally new one.

Conway The Machine miraculously survived being shot in the neck and shoulder in 2012, but his life would change following the incident. The rapper’s injuries resulted in Bell’s palsy, a partial paralysis of the right side of his face. Conway has gone on to have an illustrious career but he recently opened up about just how difficult living with his diagnosis has been.

Conway discussed the state of his mental health following the injury in a recent interview with The Athletic. The rapper said the most difficult part for him was thinking about how his kids and family would see him afterwards:

“I don’t feel like I’m disfigured or none of that, but when you gotta look at yourself in the mirror and you know that you don’t look the same or your kids gotta see you don’t look the same and your momma gotta see you like that, it definitely takes a toll and it’s like a war in your mind. In my mind it was like, ‘Man, I don’t even want people to see me like this.’ The mental part of it was harder than the physical. I had to re-calibrate. I had to strengthen my mind before I could strengthen my body. I lost it for a minute. Mentally I just wasn’t in a good space.”

Elsewhere in the interview, Conway outed the stigma surrounding honest mental heath conversations, particularly in the Black community. “I’m opening up more and knowing that it’s okay if you need to talk to somebody,” he said. “Especially in the hood — in the Black community, period — it’s like this stigma of mental health issues is equal to weakness. Even I struggle with that.”

Ahead of the honest interview, Conway had a highly prolific 2020. The rapper impressively released four projects including two collaborative EPs, his anticipated From King To A God album, and its revamped deluxe version.

Since purchasing Tidal for $56 million back in 2015, Jay-Z has made the streaming service a big contender in the music industry. But it could be that Jay-Z is considering handing-off a majority stake in the company. The rapper has reportedly been in talks to sell the site to Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey and his Square Inc. payment company.

As reported by Bloomberg, Square Inc. is looking to “diversify” their assets with the purchase of Tidal. The streaming service hasn’t publicly released their year-end figures since reporting they had 3 million paying customers back in 2016, but Jay-Z’s move to put his music back on Spotify has led some to question the longevity of the platform.

Reports of the potential sale discussions were only solidified when Dorsey was spotted with Jay-Z and Beyonce back in August, then again this past month. But Jay-Z isn’t the only musician with a major stake in Tidal. According their website, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Coldplay, Madonna, Rihanna and others have an investment in the company.

Neither Square nor Jay-Z have commented on news of the potential sale, but it would the latest entrepreneurial move Jay-Z has made lately. Not only did the rapper recently release his own brand of cannabis, but he backed an at-home workout start-up, which puts him in competition with Beyonce’s Peloton partnership.

(Editor’s note: This piece was originally published in 2018 but we’re republishing it today because it’s, well, Christmastime. Enjoy.)

“You grow up Jewish and you can’t help it, it’s a big part of your life being the person who’s not celebrating Christmas,” TV Funhouse creator and former Saturday Night Live writer Robert Smigel told us recently. (Smigel, by the way, is also the mad genius behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.)

The accuracy of this remark is not lost on me as someone who was raised half-Jewish and half-Catholic and kept on the outside looking in at Christmas revelry during part of my childhood (before my parents eventually relented and started celebrating both — which is its own weird thing). That’s why Smigel’s “Christmastime For The Jews” means so much. Born on the December 17, 2005 episode of Saturday Night Live and inspired by a love of claymation Christmas specials, Wall of Sound music, and the desire to merge them with Jewish and pop culture references that swing from clever to delightfully absurd, this lovingly crafted sketch/song exists as something Jews (and half-Jews) can call our very own.

The weight of what “Christmastime For The Jews” means to people who share an annual laugh, let the song dance around in their head for a few days, and feel utterly seen by its timeless jokes about the Jewish experience is not lost on the people who created it. Partly because they feel it too and partly because, as you’ll see, an immense amount of time, effort, and heart went into making it and getting it as close to perfect as possible. And since you’re reading this, you likely love the sketch and feel like they got pretty close. In the off chance you’ve not seen it, or just want to relive it again, here it is below.

To better appreciate the story of “Christmastime For The Jews,” you have to go back to Smigel’s past tinkerings with the themes that came to life in the sketch. Here’s the short(ish) version: In 1987, Smigel wrote a sketch called “The Assimilated Jew’s Christmas” that was, by his account, a much earlier (and direct) attempt at speaking to the dearth of Jewish holiday standards, at least in contrast to those orbiting Christmas. Smigel acknowledges that the sketch didn’t quite “hit” in the same way that others like “Hanukkah Harry,” Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song,” and “Christmastime For The Jews” did among SNL‘s best-remembered contributions to Jewish holiday pop culture (which are basically the only contributions to Jewish holiday pop culture over the last 30 years). It features Al Franken as Henry Kissinger selling an album of Jewish Christmas songs that were “acceptable for Jewish people to hear, because all Jews love Christmas carols,” says Smigel. “Christmas carols are so much better than Hanukkah songs,” he (accurately) adds before offering a reminder that many great Christmas carols were actually written by Jews.

“The Assimilated Jew’s Christmas” and “Christmastime For The Jews” were far from Smigel’s only attempts at holiday parody. “I did two that involved a Charlie Brown Christmas, which is my favorite half-hour of television ever, probably,” he says. “I did a big one after 9/11 that was a Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer parody.”

Smigel also has an affinity for crafting what he calls “silly musical stuff” that goes back to the late ’80s, as well. He authored a jingle for the first “Mister Short-Term Memory” sketch in 1988. More jingles followed before they became so common on the show that Smigel says they were mocked by The Simpsons.

Smigel left SNL in the early ’90s to work as head writer for Conan O’Brien during his foray into late-night before joining The Dana Carvey Show, where he debuted “The Ambiguously Gay Duo.” Cartoons had also been an interest of Smigel’s going back to his time on SNL with “Cluckin Chicken” (where he worked, for the first time, with animator and eventual TV Funhouse cohort J.J. Sedelmaier). He was eager to continue playing in that space, conjuring up ideas for “Fun With Real Audio” and “The X-Presidents” before pitching SNL producer Lorne Michaels on an idea for a unique path back to the show after The Dana Carvey Show got canceled. That idea eventually became the TV Funhouse so many of us came to know and love.

“I was aware of how much fun I was having reaching back into what made me laugh as a child,” says Smigel. “It felt very pure and very exciting.”

Which brings us back around to “Christmastime for the Jews.” The stories we collected about its creation, from Smigel and the creative team involved — contributing writers Julie Klausner (Difficult People), Eric Drysdale (Full Frontal With Samantha Bee), Scott Jacobson (Bob’s Burgers), musical director Steven Gold, director David Brooks, producer Samantha Scharff, and legendary singer Darlene Love — shed some light on the mixture of insanity, brilliance, stubbornness, and catharsis that ran through the entire three-week production in addition to the irony of launching the same night that internet-culture game changer “Lazy Sunday” launched.

There’s an inherent tendency inside of me to avoid pieces like the one I’m currently writing. Too often they drift too close to something along the lines of, “I finally watched a classic movie everyone loves and it sucked.” (Because, in all honesty, “I finally watched a classic movie everyone loves and, hey, it’s pretty good!,” is kind of boring.) Also, frankly, it’s embarrassing. Pieces like this often start out with some sort of, “Look, this movie is beneath me and that’s why I haven’t watched it,” attitude. (Check out pretty much every “I watched Star Wars for the first time” piece.) Which usually seems like a cover for the truth, which is almost certainly, “Everyone has been talking about this movie my whole life and faking my way through conversations has caused me much embarrassment, but I also feel it’s too late to catch up.” Anyway, my point is there is no part of me that’s proud I haven’t seen It’s a Wonderful Life, well, until now.

This all started back in March when New York City went into lockdown because of the Covid-19 outbreak. I decided to use my newfound nightly free time watching classic movies I had never seen before. It’s a Wonderful Life would mark the 313th movie I’ve seen since the pandemic started. (This number also includes new movies and movies we rewatched for fun.) At first, It’s a Wonderful Life wasn’t even on my list because I had just assumed I had seen it. It’s such a huge part of the zeitgeist and played on network television so often, I just figured I had seen enough bits here and there that, over the course of all the years adding up, I had surely seen the whole movie.

A friend of mine asked me if I had seen It’s a Wonderful Life and I gave him an unconvincing, “yes?,” as a response. He asked me what the plot was and I said, “Well, George Bailey wants to kill himself and an angel shows him what life would be like without him so he changes his mind.” He then asked me why George Bailey wanted to kill himself. I responded, “Because he wants to be a banker and he realizes he will never fulfill his life’s dream of being a banker.” Not only was this wrong, this was, instead, the story Kramer tells a judge to try and get Newman out of a speeding ticket on an episode of Seinfeld. So, no, I sure hadn’t seen It’s a Wonderful Life.

I know this movie surprises people who hadn’t seen it before in that it takes the movie quite a long time actually getting to the Christmas part of the story. I already knew that. And I knew it wasn’t a very happy story, though I didn’t realize George flew into bouts of pure rage as often as he does. Though, to be fair, everyone in the movie seems to take advantage of George’s morality, so in the end he’s the only person who never seems to get to do what he wants. So, yeah, of course he’s going to erupt from time to time. But even though I knew how long it takes to get to the actual premise, I still couldn’t help but marvel at the thought of someone pitching this movie today. George would be witnessing the supernatural alternative reality where he didn’t exist within 20 minutes of the movie starting.

So, I guess it’s time to get to the parts that did surprise me. “My take,” as they say. Which is usually, in pieces like this, the part that gets the, “Hey, get a load of this guy,” sneers on social media. Well, first, it’s a slightly better movie than I was anticipating. And I was anticipating a good movie, it’s just a little less sappy and a little more fraught than I thought it would be. I think this preconception comes from that I had seen the ending before. Or, at least, it sure felt like I had. Also, the ending, in context, sure hits like a ton of bricks. For most the movie, I couldn’t help thinking something along the lines of, “This is a good movie, but why is it, specifically, a holiday classic?” But the ending is so powerful, a viewer kind of forgets that most of the movie isn’t about the holiday season at all. Speaking of the ending, I kept wondering, wait, Mr. Potter just gets to keep the $8000? Yeah, he made off pretty well! I guess everyone wins. So, most importantly, I finally understand the “It’s a Wonderful Life: The Lost Ending” SNL sketch.

A few other quick things: No one ever told me It’s a Wonderful Life had a scene set in space. I certainly wasn’t expecting there to be a character in this movie who had a catchphrase – and that catchphrase is “he-haw.” Also, it kind of dawned on me that people during this era all knew elaborate, choreographed dance moves. During the scene when the attendees of the high school dance were instructed to dance the Charleston, everyone knew it. And that has always looked like an impossibly difficult dance. When I was in grade school, we were taught square-dancing, which (a) I don’t remember at all and (b) never once used in regular life. In retrospect, I wish they had taught us the Charleston instead.

Though, the thing that amazed me the most was how It’s a Wonderful Life just kind of filled in so many cultural moments that came after. As in, “Oh, I see, that’s where that came from,” or, “Oh that scene obviously influenced this other scene in a different famous movie,” type moment. And as I watched, I just kind of felt worse and worse about myself that I had never seen It’s a Wonderful Life before. I had no excuse. There was no getting around it: I was a loser.

But then something miraculous happened: I got a peek at what life would be like if I had never existed. And to be honest, the world looked pretty similar. I’ve never saved anyone’s life, so everyone was still around. Though, for the record, I would totally save someone’s life if I had the chance, it’s just never come up to this point. Also, there’s no one currently in prison because I stopped them from serving poison. And from the best I could tell in this alternate reality, everyone had pretty much the same job. But the good news is my lack of watching It’s a Wonderful Life didn’t really seem to harm anyone either. So, it’s at that point I stopped moping around because I hadn’t seen It’s a Wonderful Life until now. Instead, I took to the streets to sing its praises. “You gotta watch It’s a Wonderful Life!,” I screamed to anyone who would listen. It was then, when I returned home, the townspeople had gotten together and raised $20 so I could afford the new steel book 4k copy of the movie, so I’d never be without it again. And then my hero brother returned from World War II. And then my old buddy from New York showed up and whispered in my ear the words, “he-haw,” and everything was finally right with the world. Watching It’s a Wonderful Life in 2020 made me realize it’s never too late to watch It’s a Wonderful Life for the first time. It’s a Christmas miracle.

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.