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33 Of The Absolute Dumbest Posts People Have Actually Made On Twitter


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Kyle Indulges In The Silver Linings In Life On His New Single, ‘Bouncin’

Prior to a little over a month ago, Kyle had no plans of releasing music from his forthcoming album in the midst of a pandemic. As he revealed in an Instagram post, the album was one he made to be “enjoyed outside in the sun in the company of friends.” However, with no foreseeable end to the pandemic in sight, Kyle soon realized that his true obligation and goal to fans should have been to “make you happy when times are tough.” Reversing his initial decision, he quickly returned with “What It Is,” a brokenhearted letter to a departed lover. Keeping the new music coming, Kyle changes the mood on his latest single, “Bouncin.”

Produced by Hit-Boy, Kyle new single finds him placing his attention on the good things in his life. Busy “counting cash” and hopping from flight to flight, Kyle makes it clear that he enjoys life the way it is now. Partnering with the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Kyle also released a music video that brings him back to his high school campus, the Ventura Theatre, the beach, and other meaningful locations from his life. Appearing by himself for most of the visual, Kyle brings in a few ladies to close the visual to prove that “the checks the only thing that isn’t bouncin’.”

Kyle’s upcoming album may be titled See You When I’m Famous as the phrase appeared repeatedly throughout the video.

Listen to “Bouncin” in the video above.

Kyle is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Victoria Monet Calls On Khalid And SG Lewis For Her New Uplifting Single, ‘Experience’

Despite being just a shade over a year removed from his sophomore album, Free Spirit, Khalid has been fairly active in 2020. Days into the near the El Paso native emerged with his first release of the year, “Eleven,” a track that would be later remixed by fellow southerner Summer Walker. The year also spawned his “Know Your Worth” single with Disclosure, one that also received the remix treatment thanks to help from Davido and Tems. Side-stepping into the feature lane, Khalid pulls up alongside Victoria Monet and SG Lewis for their new single, “Experience.”

Khalid and Monet first teased the song last week as Khalid tagged Monet in a tweet that simply read, “can’t wait.” Originally planned for a release last Friday, Monet revealed in a statement she posted on social media that she decided to push the song back “because of the disgusting and confusing state of the world.” Continuing with her message, Monet also said, “We hope this brings some solace and joy to you. We hope the double ended message of this song is heard: based on experience, we want change! We matter, we always have. Here’s to making changes and celebrating US the best ways we know how.”

A week removed from that statement, the single has now arrived for the listening pleasure of her friends. Upbeat and groovy, Monet and Khalid sing in hopes that “experience can get you to change.” Produced by SG Lewis, the song is expected to land on Monet’s upcoming Jaguar album.

Press play on the video above to hear “Experience.”

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Anderson .Paak Details The Many Frustrations Of Black America On ‘Lockdown’

Next Friday will mark one month since George Floyd was killed in Minnesota after an officer, Derek Chauvin, knelt on his neck for nearly nine minutes. Following his death, protests all over the country continued for weeks as those who aligned themselves with the Black Lives Matter movement looked to force change out of their governing authorities. The music world also used their talents to promote the movement, some highlight releases including YG’s “FTP,” Buddy’s “Black 2,” and Lil Baby’s “The Bigger Picture.” Contributing his own work to the mix, Anderson .Paak returns with “Lockdown.”

Instead of speaking on just the Black Lives Matter movement, .Paak used his release to detail the frustrations of Black America. From the coronavirus to police brutality to those in denial of the true intentions of the movement, he uses his trademark funk and soul sound to detail these thoughts, many of which he feels himself. Inviting those who are outside looking in at the movement, .Paak invites them to come outside singing, “You should’ve been downtown / The people are risin’.” Back with a music video, .Paak navigates the streets of Los Angeles all with the plan of fighting for the cause with help from Jay Rock, SiR, Syd, Dr. Dre, and more.

Listen to “Lockdown” in the video above.

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Teyana Taylor Recalls The Bedroom Satisfaction Her Lover Gives On ‘Boomin’ With Future And Missy Elliott

Nearly, two years after K.T.S.E., Teyana Taylor returns to the spotlight with her third album, The Album. Following the aftermath of her sophomore album, Teyana looks to fully execute her vision and make up for unreleased content from the past this time around as she brings 23 songs to the table for her latest album. Packed with features throughout, one of the highlight moments on the album arrives on the Missy Elliott and Future-featured “Boomin.”

Driven by a strong bass and distant piano keys, Teyana details the satisfaction and happiness her partner brings her in the bedroom. Showing her passion for both her partner and the feelings she holds, Teyana says she “booms like an 808” on the song’s chorus. Future adds his own touch to the song by asking, “Do you know what you mean to me?” before diving into a verse of his own.

Teyana’s latest effort arrives shortly after she revealed her reason for releasing The Album on Juneteenth. “I’ve always been about us being celebrated and celebrating my culture and my people,” she wrote. “For everything to happen, from my album getting delayed and it falls perfectly on Juneteenth, yes, it’s a celebration.”

Press play on the video above to hear “Come Back To Me.”

The Album is out now via GOOD Music and Def Jam. Get it here.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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John Legend And Jhene Aiko Dance In The Moonlight On Their New Collab, ‘U Move, I Move’

Four years after his last studio album (excluding his 2018 Christmas album A Legendary Christmas), John Legend has returned with his sixth album, Bigger Love. Preceded by the “Conversation in the Dark,” the Dr. Dre-sampling “Actions,” and the warm-spirited title track, Bigger Love arrives in the form of sixteen tracks as Legend weathered the obstacles presented by the coronavirus pandemic to share the album with fans. On a highlight feature from the album, Jhene Aiko joins Legend for their “U Move, I Move” collaboration.

Arriving prior to the album’s midpoint, Legend and Aiko dance in the moonlight on “U Move, I Move.” The track is the singers’ second collaboration, following “Lightning & Thunder” off Aiko’s Chilombo album. This time around, Legend and Aiko promise to stay by each other’s side and support one another through the highs and lows. An elegant duet, the song presents the chemistry to two artists discovered upon working together.

Prior to the album’s arrival, John Legend explained the concept behind Bigger Love. “The songs are inspired by the loves of my life: my wife, my family and the rich tradition of Black music that has made me the artist I am… I debuted in 2004 with an album called Get Lifted. And now, as we enter the summer of 2020, I hope this new album can get you lifted again, fill your hearts with love and inspiration, give you something to dance to, something to hold hands to, something to make love to.”

Bigger Love also arrives on the day Legend will battle Alicia Keys in a Juneteenth edition of Verzuz.

Listen to “U Move, I Move” above.

Bigger Love is out 6/19 via Columbia. Get it here.

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Top Chef Rankings, Season 17 Finale: Why You Make-A The Butcher Cry? Molto Embarrasante!

Not to get too inside beefball here, but this week’s rankings require some explanation. See, the way this usually works is, I get an advanced screener of the show a day ahead of air, watch it a few times, and write these power rankings in time to get the post up as soon as the show finishes its first airing. But being the finale, this week’s advance screener does not include the final act, to keep any of us hacks from spoiling the ending for you piggies.

Which is to say, at the time of this writing, I’ve seen the entire show except for the part revealing who wins. And so this week’s rankings will be entirely speculative (though educated!). Phew! Now then.

This week’s episode capped off… I don’t know, a pretty good season, all in all, no? I was bummed to see Gregory go home, but overall I was still reasonably invested in the remaining contestants’ stories, which isn’t always true. Could Bryan Voltaggio finally close the deal, after being runner-up on both Top Chef and Top Chef Masters? Could Stephanie Cmar complete one of the all-time Top Chef Cindarella stories? Or would Melissa King ice a competition that’s felt like hers to win almost all season (at least since Gregory left)?

You say HUMAN, I say INTEREST; hu-MAN! int-TREST!

Before the competition could even kick off, the judges flipped the script by cooking dinner for the contestants. Or should I say, the judges’ alter egos cooked dinner. Hey look! It’s Eyeglass Padma, the klutzy (yet sexy) nerd!

Bravo

And my God, is that Grandpa Tom over there, in his favorite Papa Smurf hat?

Bravo

Note: Grandpa Tom appears only fleetingly, like a shooting star in the night sky. He kept the Papa Smurf hat on so briefly that this screencap was the clearest shot of it.

I know what you’re thinking, and yes, Gail Simmons was there too, but in her original form, because Canadians lack the guile necessary for alter egos. (*extremely Canadian voice*) Chad, you hoser, that’s just you in a toque!

After a nice meal, Padma announced that the final challenge would be to serve a four-course progressive menu, “no twists.” Oh wait, here’s Lee Anne and Shenanigans! Tell me bringing Lee Anne back isn’t a twist. That’s right, three of the eliminated contestants showed up to play sous chef: Lee Anne Wong, Brian “Shenanigans” Malarkey the Stretched Out Leprechaun, and Kevin “Foghorn Kevhorn” Gillespie, the Grandstandin’ Southerner. Could they still blow the competition from beyond the grave?

THE COMPETITORS

Stephanie CMar

NBC-Universal

AKA: C-Monster. Aka Underdog. Aka C-Truffle. Aka Smar Ya Later. Aka Muammar Kataifi.

Just in this week’s intro, we discovered that Stephanie Cmar wasn’t Stephan Sea Mar at all, like I’d always assumed, but rather Stephanie Smar. Stephanie SMAR?! You’re killin’ me, Smars! Well hell, I guess I’ll just C myself out of here.

Drawing the first choice of sous chef, Smar Ya Later chose Brian Malarkey, a surprise twist! Would this decision come to haunt her? I say no, Malarkey can cook his ass off, and his overbearing personality makes him an ideal hypeman. Think Twee Flava Flav. Plus, he doesn’t have a chance to ADD himself to death when someone else is calling the shots. After that, Steph revealed her friendship with Kristen Kish and became the first chef to do the “Italian chef’s kiss” gesture in Italy. How the hell did it take this long?

Steph’s Menu:

Bravo

Bryan Voltaggio

NBC-Universal

AKA: Flatbill Dad. Aka Bry Voltage. Aka Kyle Shanahan. Aka Linkin Clark Griswold. Aka Family Bry.

After the Italians called Family Bry less than a man last week because they didn’t like his cheese, and then tore out his heart and stomped on it on national television, he vowed this week that “I will slap ’em in the face full of heart and soul!”

Uh, yeah, go get em, Linkin Clark! Slap their faces with… Uh, I mean slap their faces full of… heart and soul. Sure, sure.

While Stephanie C was calling up her bestie K-squared, Linkin Clark cranked up a Skype call with a Top Chef winner of his own: his little bro, Michael Voltaggio.

Bravo

Egads! How did I never notice before now that Bryan Voltaggio/Michael Voltaggio and Colin/Chet Hanks have the exact same brother dynamic?

Bone chilling. You have no idea how angry I am at myself for missing this obvious observation.

Anyway, Bryan chose Kevin as his sous chef, which seems… fine? They have different styles but seem to get along. Unless Kevin somehow accidentally drops a ham hock in something this seems like a perfectly cromulent choice.

Bryan’s Menu

Bravo

Melissa King

NBC Universal

AKA: Zen Master. Aka Dimples. Aka Shutterstock. Aka Valedictorian.

Despite choosing last, Chef Melissa “got stuck” with the other Asian chef with whom she’d be cooking Chinese-influence Italian food. That seems like a really good last pick! That’s just sort of how this competition has been going for Melissa. But would loud, frazzled Lee Anne somehow find a way to flap the seemingly unflappable Melissa King? I doubt it, but it was nice of the editors to introduce the possibility. Gotta keep us piggies guessing.

Melissa’s Menu:

Bravo

Pre-Service Menu Rankings

The progressive dining challenges raise the inevitable question: which tasting menu would you order if you had the choice between these three? Pretending I knew nothing about the chefs in question or how they’d prepared the food other than the way it’s listed, I think I’d go:

1. Stephanie
2. Melissa
3. Bryan

Sight unseen: the two most intriguing menu items here to me are Bryan’s lasagna and Melissa’s cha siu octopus, but Steph’s sounds the most solid all the way through (my fervor for agnolotti with szechuan chili oil is dampened somewhat by the presence of squash, a food I have never in my life been able to get excited for). Melissa’s leans weird and Bryan’s waffles between why (soil! no one wants to eat fucking soil!) and what’s that (cacciucco, squid ink focaccia)?

Having seen the food, I give the edge to Melissa. Steph’s “milk-braised veal” becomes a little less intriguing once you know she’s using one big lean piece of veal. Madon’, wrap some fat around that baby, wouldja, Schmar? Daddy hates a dry meat. Meanwhile, those porcinis Melissa was roasting made me squint my eyes and raise the backs of my hands in front of my face like the spirit of my Noni. Holy hell that looked amazing.

Post-Service Dish Rankings

First Course

Tie, Stephanie and Melissa. These all looked pretty amazing, and I’m sure Bryan’s tuna was good, but it just doesn’t inspire me quite like the char siu octopus or the shrimp wrapped in a nest of crispy fillo. Fillo noodles? As a half-Italian/quarter Armenian how the hell did I not know that exists?

Second Course

Bryan. I think he crushed that lasagna, even if he did put kale on top. That fluffy ricotta bechemel (I think I can hear Zach somewhere, screaming his head off that this is technically a mornay because of the cheese) put it over the bar. And finally he learned to introduce it with a personal story, about his mom cooking them dinners every night. Even if it wasn’t that great a story, especially after Stephanie brought up her dead brother in the first course and made Gail cry.

Third Course

Melissa, in a walk. Those porcinis, madon’!

Fourth Course

My eyes say Stephanie (hard to beat anything bread pudding related), but based on feedback I think it has to be Melissa. She made Dario Cecchini cry! Even Cecchini (easily the best goofy foreigner guest judge since Wolfgang Puck) seemed embarrassed about it. Ay, you make-a you butcher cry, che pecato! I don’t know what it says about Dario Cecchini that he heard a heartwrenching story about Stephanie’s departed brother and his eyes were drier than overcooked turkey breast, but took one bite of a milk tea tiramisu and cried like a baby. I don’t know it says about me that a dead brother story washed right over me but an Italian butcher crying over tiramisu got me a little misty.

All I know is that Bryan Voltaggio sure didn’t win this course. Soil?! Va fongool!

Final Thoughts

Theoretically we don’t know the outcome, but come on. It was Melissa, right? Her mushroom made Marcus Samuelsson clutch his chest, and her dessert brought the butcher to tears. SHE BROUGHT THE BUTCHER TO TEARS. If that isn’t the Top Chef equivalent of a walk-off home run I don’t know what is. If I’m wrong on this, you can chase me out of my house with a rolling pin.

Vince Mancini is on Twitter. Read more of his cooking commentary in UPROXX’s Cooking Battles and Viral Cooking. For past Top Chef Power Rankings, go here.

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A Human Effigy Was Found Hanging In A Park A Day After Nooses Were Discovered


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Experts Are Calling For A Top Science Journal To Retract A Paper On Face Masks And COVID-19


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‘NOS4A2’ Makes The Horror More Personal (And Focused) In Season 2

AMC’s NOS4A2 launched the TV adaptation of the supernatural horror novel from Joe Hill (son to Stephen King) with a multi-season run in mind. This produced less-than-stellar results with the first season’s treatment of the psychic vampire story: not too much actual horror and a hell of a lot of exposition. The show was almost hyper-focused on dramatic world-building while sometimes forgetting that it also needed to be scary, but Zachary Quinto (who appears to thoroughly enjoy stealing children’s souls) and Ashleigh Cummings’ performances stood as bright spots. I don’t know if AMC was cool with the idea of a lukewarm start with a promise of more excitement later, but suspect that a lot of people gave up up hope around midseason. Yet if you are a fan of Hill’s work (NOS4A2 is a chilling novel, as is the probably unadaptable Heart Shaped Box), it’s worth catching up and giving the sophomore season a chance.

This season being “worth it” to counteract previous shortcomings is a hard sell, I know. There were a lot of head-scratchers last year involving changes from the book, including the following: (1) Why was Charlie Manx’s aging-and-de-aging process treated like a special effects gimmick and so frequently executed for viewers? (2) Why was Vic McQueen not a child but a young adult with a soap-operatic life? The first question is forgivable, since sure, maybe even viewers of semi-prestige TV enjoy seeing repetitive magic tricks involving a 100+ year vamp, but the second question contributed to a lot of storytelling inertia. Fortunately, the season finale rallied with Vic going into full-on, ass-kicking, horror-heroine mode, which is mostly where she sits in the second season’s first five episodes provided to critics.

Thank goodness for that tweak. Vic’s more settled in life now, and she’s more focused as a character, and the show works better for it. We no longer need the inordinate amount of time that the show spent methodically painting her desire to attend art school. What a strange diversion. Sure, it’s nice to have well-rounded characters, and we needed to know that she was artistic to justify her status as a Strong Creative. That makes her use of the motorbike as a “knife” to cross that magical bridge more believable, but man, there was too much art-school hand-wringing. And that’s a lot of wasted time when she could have been dealing with the powerful immortal who’s snatching kids and insisting that he’s the good guy with a magic car. Priorities, people.

Fortunately, this season brings things the show to a proper head with Vic vs. Charlie (with some necessary assists from Jahkara J. Smith’s still swaggery Maggie and her telltale Scrabble Tiles) and the ominous spectre of Christmasland. There’s more genuine spookiness afoot, and the show’s already outlined the stakes involved, so it’s no longer misfiring into odd offshoots. A more compelling story is being injected into a more ominous atmosphere. Funny how it’s coming together more now.

AMC

The story picks up eight years later. Vic’s now the mother of an eight-year-old boy with a reference-filled name, Bruce Wayne McQueen (Jason David), who is (of course) fated to land on Manx’s radar. She’s also now common-law-married to Lou Carmody (Jonathan Langdon), who believed her when no one else would have when all that crazy sh*t was going down. Vic’s still haunted by any mention of Christmas, and where’s Manx? Well, last time we saw him, he was comatose in a prison hospital, all spiritually tied to his supernaturally-powered Rolls-Royce Wraith. Like Vic, Manx wasted a lot of screentime shuttling kids to Christmasland while delivering menacing rants. The season begins with his “death,” but Vic knows better. He’s back to destroy what she’s built and settle his beefs through her, and she won’t let that happen.

The audience will believe her and know better than to be content with the possibility of Manx being dead. That’s where the sophomore season gets it and stops trying to over-explain everything into the ground. Instead, we receive gripping performances from Cummings and Quinto, finally getting the material that their characters deserve. Quinto pulls out all the stops when Manx reenters the picture in an episode so graphically visceral that it might go too far with the gore. There’s a payoff though, since the show stops shapeshifting him from young-to-old. We see a handsome and charming chap during his backstory, although still sinister to the bone. We learn more about the roots of his homicidal madness, although the show declines to empathize with him in his stance against the world. Yet it does perform a rather engrossing exploration of his belief that he’s saving kids from terrible lives, which makes him an interesting villain.

What really helps this second season, though, beyond a honed focus, is that NOS4A2 manages to not only make Manx unlikable despite his smooth ways but to make Vic likable despite her roughness. She’s more than a little punchy and abrasive, and understandably so, and it’s damn nice to see a female hero who doesn’t have to look and act perfect while getting the job done. Vic’s gotta be on her game to deal with a powerful force like Charlie Manx. She’s here for the challenge, and the show’s finally letting her get down to real business. If the show’s audience is willing to take another trip to Christmasland, they’ll enjoy a smoother ride this time around.

‘NOS4A2’ returns to AMC at 10:00 pm EST on Sunday, June 21.

AMC