Ted Cruz’s Mexican escape from Texas amid a climate disaster was certainly a surreal moment as it happened, but one that would inevitably be covered by Saturday Night Live. And sure enough, the episode led Saturday’s show in a sketch where he finally apologized to Britney Spears for what he’s done.
The sketch managed to fit in four stories currently in the media: Spears’ conservatorship and potentially coded messages she’s sending fans through social media amid the Framing Britney Spears documentary, Andrew Cuomo’s nursing home death coverup during the COVID-19 pandemic and, of course, Cruz fleeing Texas for Cancun and getting caught. Oh, and Gina Carano’s non-apology and cries of cancel culture in the wake of her firing on The Mandalorian.
Cruz, his hair braided and holding what appears to be a frozen mixed drink, brought his black carry-on bag with him on stage, and Spears (Chloe Fineman) commented that he looked tan.
“Oh, no. I’m not tan,” Cruz said. “I just cried myself red over my fellow Texans.”
We did get a few apologies from Cruz in the sketch, but mostly it seemed he was mad that he got caught.
“I deeply regret my actions over the last couple of days,” Cruz, played by Aidy Bryant, said. “Mostly, flying United.”
Cruz noted that “I’m pretty bad at human stuff” at one point, and detailed some of the nasty things he’s been called by furious Texans who have felt abandoned by government leadership.
“Coward is actually the nicest word I’ve heard,” Cruz said. “But let me ask you this, would a coward have the cajones to blame his actions on his young daughters?”
That rankled Spears, for obvious reasons, and the show moved on for Pete Davidson to play Cuomo and apologize for “the nursing home stuff.” He struggled to actually say the apology, but made sure to call New York mayor Bill de Blasio a “bird bitch” a few times when he got angry.
Carano’s appearance marked the second straight week she was mentioned on SNL, but the first time we’ve seen Cecily Strong’s gruff impression of the unapologetic former Disney star. Strong and Aidy Bryant struggled not to break at one point, as Carano tried to fend off bonding attempts from Cruz about how they’re in the same boat.
“I am strong and you are a pile of soup,” Strong said as Carano at one point, giggling.