Hayley Kiyoko made waves in 2018 for her debut album, Expectations, which catapulted her into the pop scene not just due to excellent songwriting but also because of her status as an openly queer artist. Following that album up with the I’m Too Sensitive For This Shit EP in 2020, Kiyoko has something else in store for fans this year. Instead of opening 2021 with new music, she’s announced the release of a new perfume called “Hue.” Designed as a gender-inclusive fragrance to double down on her commitment to inclusion in pop culture, Kiyoko remembers how much perfume meant to her when she was growing up and coming to terms with her own sexuality.

“Perfume has been a massive part of my queer experience, Hayley told Vogue. “I remember feeling famous in middle school because girls said that I smelled good. They wouldn’t date me. They didn’t have crushes on me. But they said I smelled good, and that was like a huge thing for me, and I’ve carried that throughout my life. I want to give that power and that armor to my fans, even if they’re sitting at home!”

Working with perfumer Constance Georges-Picot of Cosmo Fragrances with development support by Bart Schmidt, Hayley created a perfume that contains top notes of blood orange, watermelon and freesia, mid-notes of peony, lychee, rose and pink magnolia, and bottom notes of cacao blanc and musk. It’s available March 3 in collaboration with Slate Brands. Check out some photos of the perfume below, along with a look at the packaging design, which centers on Liz Hirsch’s portrait of Hayley that “signifies the variety of hues amongst every individual.”

Pre-order the perfume here.

In an interview on this week’s episode of Cari & Jemele (won’t) Stick To Sports, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was asked to respond to a recent comment from ESPN NBA analyst Zach Lowe on his podcast, in which Lowe called Mavs star Luka Doncic “one of the biggest whiners in the league.” Cuban took the bait and punched back at Lowe, saying that Lowe did not know what he was talking about before adding, “f*ck you, Zach Lowe.”

As Cuban says here, a fair bit of what Doncic is doing in these moments is the product of his competitiveness and, at the same time, a subtle acknowledgment that Doncic’s game is at its best when he’s able to use his physicality and size to score and make plays. Cuban admits “he’s got some sh*t to him,” but that it comes from a place of passion, not whining.

At the same time, those who watch Dallas know that Doncic spends a fair amount of time needling referees, too. Most importantly, all this stuff hits the fan when a team is losing, and the Mavs are in the middle of a 9-14 start to the season. In something that applies to basically every professional athlete, what is seen as competitive fire in huge wins becomes irritating in losses, so it’s understandable that Doncic is getting more heavily scrutinized right now, and it’s also fair for Cuban to take issue with perhaps the most prominent NBA analyst on the internet calling out his best player.

A time-honored tradition at Saturday Night Live is having the week’s guest host and musical guest join a cast member to film some quick off-the-cuff promos for the show. Phoebe Bridgers is set to take the SNL stage this weekend, so she, host Dan Levy, and SNL‘s Aidy Bryant got in front of a camera and did their thing.

In the first promo, Bryant hypes up Levy and Bridgers to put on a funny show, saying that she expects Bridgers’ songs to be “Weird Al-level” hilarious. Bridgers deadpanned in response, “They’re not,” which sent Bryant into a panic, which got Bridgers laughing under her mask. In the second clip, Levy suggests that Bridgers write a song for him since they’ve been bonding over the past week, but Bridgers shot that idea down, saying, “I think I’m good on that. Thanks, though.”

When it was revealed that Bridgers had landed the SNL musical guest gig, she offered a very Bridgers reaction to the news by sharing a photo of herself with running mascara. Bridgers has shown that she has a strong sense of humor, so hopefully she pops up in a sketch this coming weekend.

Watch the new SNL promo above.

I’ve interviewed famous people before, even personal heroes of mine, but I’ve never found anyone quite so intimidating as Salma Hayek. She just has that mean girl energy about her. Not because she’s actually mean, per se, it’s just that she’s incredibly famous, talented, and rich. A cruel word from Salma Hayek has the kneecapping potential heretofore possessed only by random tweens (have you ever been owned by a tween? devastating).

Some of the things you may not know about Salma Hayek: she’s the daughter of a Lebanese-Mexican oil exec and a Spanish-Mexican opera singer. She was a teen gymnast who was approached to join the Mexican national team, though her father vetoed. She was diagnosed with dyslexia in her early teens but still managed to graduate high school at 15. She enrolled at Universidad Iberoamericana in Mexico City to study international relations and political science, but dropped out halfway through to pursue acting. This proved relatively easy for her as well, given that, according to a 2019 profile in Town & Country, “She was so beautiful that casting agents often stopped her in the street and asked her to audition,” and soon she became a soap star.

Coming from anyone else, all this might sound a little like Hilaria Baldwin-style self-mythologizing (Salma on Hilaria: “We all lie a little bit.”). But you look at Salma Hayek and think, “Yep, that checks out.”

Currently, she’s married to French fashion magnate Francois-Henri Pinault (since 2009), a multi-billionaire and as of this writing the 26th richest man in the world. She won a humanitarian award from UNICEF in 2018 for her work in neonatal vaccination efforts. In a wild twist, she also starred opposite Owen Wilson in a movie called Bliss, leading to the surreal situation in which she found herself across a Zoom screen from yours truly, a man who hasn’t had a haircut in five months asking movie questions in front of a velvet painting of twin rottweiler puppies.

This dynamic actually mirrors the movie itself, in which Hayek plays a mysterious woman who may have magical powers, trying to convince Owen Wilson’s character that he’s not some schlubby drone but rather a scientist from a parallel utopia who has been living in a cruel simulation. Hayek-Wilson are a strange combination on paper, but in practice it works beautifully, and I was getting a first-hand illustration of why. Every time she paused before answering a question I started to sweat, convinced I was finally about to exposed as an impostor and a slob, a crude interloper into Hayek’s bubble of wealth and beauty.

But, you know, she was nice. When she clowned on Owen Wilson I laughed like we were at the same lunch table. When she waxed nostalgic about a bygone Mexico I actually felt sympathy for her. Me! For Salma Hayek! In the end, she even complimented my dumb dog painting. Don’t let her fool you, Salma Hayek is a pro.

—

Okay, basic question, tell me how you first got into acting.

I think I did a play. Well, I did a couple of commercials first. I know it’s not acting, but for me it was a big deal, you know? And then I played Jasmine in Aladdin, and this is when I discovered that I had stage fright. I knew it was an opportunity, so I did it anyway. And there was a lot of suffering being in front of all the people. I love the acting, I just didn’t like to be in front of the people.

So then I found television and then I became a soap star in Mexico. But I hated soaps! At some point, I got offered to be a singer. I could have done it, and it doesn’t look like I would be stage fright, but I am. Then I did acting with a camera, but in a genre that I never watched, the soaps. And so my dream was to do films, and this is why after becoming big soap star in Mexico, I came to the States. Because at that time the film industry in Mexico was practically non-existent. I came to the States and I started again as an extra, even though I was a big star in Mexico.

Little by little I paid my dues until I starred with Robert Rodriguez. And he practically discovers me. And then you know the rest.

Do you think the industries are still so separate these days? Do you think you’d still have to start as far down as you did?

Yeah, but I think that I would have arrived much faster because back then I encountered a lot of racism. Any sci-fi concept would have been way more easily digested by the industry than a Mexican having a lead in a movie. I was told, “You will never lead a movie because the minute you open your mouth, you will only remind people of their maids. Go back to your country. You’re a big star there. Here, you will only play the whore or the drug dealer girlfriend.”

Wow. Do you spend time in Mexico now? What do you miss most about it?

I miss the Mexico that no longer exists. That was fun, the most fun place in the world, and safe, and people were full of joy and optimism, and a lot of the beaches were virgin and the nature untouched and full of mysticism and contradictions. And so that Mexico. I go to Mexico, but it’s not the same Mexico. The Mexico I miss the most is the one that I hope we get to be one day again.

What’s so different about it now?

I guess the biggest aspect would be safety, and the lack of hope that has come through pain and that.

Okay, so switching to the movie, what are the quirks of working with Owen Wilson and what did you enjoy the most about it?

Hmm. We’re both very strange creatures and on paper it would never work. Actually, we spent most of the time bickering, but laughing about it. I had to play two characters that were very demanding in a universe that was very demanding and strange, with a director with a very specific view of things. And I had to keep the track of also two movies, because he wanted everything to work in two possible interpretations by the audience. Then Owen would add to that his own take on how I should do it and what I should add.

For example, crazy stuff. Like in a moment that it’s very important where I have to confront authorities, he thought I should dance and sing and turn it into a musical. And he had all these layout, strange logic, and he’s super excited about how I should do, that was just bonkers. But he’s so convincing that for some point you go like, oh my God, should I? No, stop it. I have enough to think about.

But it was always a joy to hear his insane… To have a window into his mind. And he’s a lot more relaxed in ways than [director Mike Cahill] and I, in certain aspects, and then he can be very intense in different ways.

Was his idea for this musical, was that something that he talked to Mike about, or was that just something that he sort of sprung on you on the day?

It was sprung on the day. Mike didn’t care, by the way. We were all enjoying each other. Because Mike knows that I’m not going to do something like that without telling him, or because Mike would’ve enjoyed it and laughed about it and said, “Okay, let’s go again. But I think…” Or maybe Mike would have gone for it. I don’t know. It was all free. He had a very specific vision. This is not a director that knows exactly what he wants, but he’s open.

I’ve heard you talk about this before and I always want to ask you things like this, but what are some of your favorite Spanish words or phrases that you don’t think there’s an English equivalent for?

Oh, God. I’ll tell you what would never work in Spanish. “We’re in a pickle.” If you said that in Spanish they’d go like, “What’s wrong with her?” You catch me off guard and in a daze.

[Editor’s note: “We’re in a pickle,” is a key line in the movie.]

What are some of the Spanish words? I can’t think of one right now. I told you one that is the other way around. I like your dogs in the back, by the way.

Oh, thank you. That’s all right. I guess I’m told I’m having to wrap. But thank you for talking to me. I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

‘Bliss’ is available via Amazon Prime on February 5th. Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.

Black History Month got off to an auspicious start this week with the returns of some of our favorite rap heroes. Cardi B announced the release of her new single “Up,” Noname similarly teased a comeback, Meek Mill shared a snippet of his upcoming collaboration with the late Pop Smoke, and Freddie Gibbs connected with Schoolboy Q to throw up some “Gang Signs.”

Even with all those impressive teasers and releases, there was still plenty to be excited about from indie and emerging hip-hop artists, from Denzel Curry and JID’s long-awaited teamup to 03 Greedo’s improbable latest release from behind bars with Wiz Khalifa. Oh, and Megan Thee Stallion and Flo Milli, two of 2020’s biggest breakout stars, both released videos for fan-favorite singles. The best of the rest can be found below.

Here is the best of hip-hop this week ending February 5, 2021

Albums/EPs/Mixtapes

Big Ghost & Conway The Machine — If It Bleeds It Can Be Killed

The Griselda machine never stops churning. Big Ghost reconnects with Conway The Machine after last year’s No One Mourns The Wicked to bang out more haunting street music. By now, you should know what to expect from this duo; they deliver in full. Shout-out to the Predator quote as the title, as well.

D Smoke — Black Habits (Deluxe)

Last year’s surprise Best Rap Album Grammy inclusion certainly deserved his selection, as his album was a strong rumination on family, community, and self-realization. With the deluxe version, the Inglewood native adds verses from E-40 and Snow Da Product, but keeps things simple, only adding three new songs. They’re worth checking out.

Pooh Shiesty — Shiesty Season

The Gucci Mane-co-signed Memphian’s first full-length effort was preceded by strong singles like “Back In Blood” with Lil Durk, “Guard Up,” and “Neighbors” featuring his longtime friend Big30. He keeps it mostly solo, showcasing his confident flow and giving him space to shine as a songwriter, although Big30 makes multiple appearances and mentor Gucci stops by to deliver a verse on “Ugly.”

Singles/Videos

Beyondsonny — “Black Friends”

An ode to Black business, there’s a tongue-in-cheek lightness to the serious subject matter, and the jazzy beat keeps things flowing nicely.

BIG Naughty — “Girl At The Coffee Shop”

Seattle hip-hop fixture Jay Park signed this 17-year-old Korean rapper to his H1ghr Music imprint, and this groovy single proves it was a wise choice.

DBangz – “The Source” Feat. Jae Zole

If there’s one thing in common for many artists on this week’s roundup, it’s youth — and a precocious sense of artistic identity, which DBangz has in spades. He’s best known for the irreverent “Thick N****s & Anime Tiddies,” but despite the humor present in his style, he’s 100 percent a rapper’s rapper.

Fredo Bang — “Soul Cry”

Over the past several months, Fredo has proven to be one of the most solid purveyors of heartbroken but unapologetic, gospel-influenced trap.

Jahmed — “Wipe”

Scrunch-faced, Blood walk music at its finest. This IE native knows how to get the party started and keep it going.

Lil Moe 6Blocka — “Risky (Remix)” Feat. 22Gz

If you’re looking for drill-influenced, hyperviolent street fantasies, look no further than this 15-year-old spark plug. There may be a truly worrisome number of guns in the video, but so long as they keep the violence in the rhymes and not on the streets, this kid deserves a tentative green light.

Marlon Craft — “Get Off My Yard”

Marlon’s just a rapper. Point blank, period. He slyly self-deprecates his admittedly old-head-like mentality with grandpa makeup and the traditional call of grumpy retirees everywhere.

Morray — “Kingdom”

Morray’s vocals are right out of a Baptist church pulpit — if that church doubled as a dope spot. This Fayetteville native sounds very little like his city’s best-known hip-hop rep, but he’s on a trajectory that will ensure they cross paths at some award show or on the charts soon enough.

Page Kennedy — “Pain” Feat. Elzhi & Method Man

Page Kennedy may have risen to prominence as a Vine/Instagram comedian but make no mistake; he can rhyme with the best of them — the “best of them” being Elzhi and Method Man, who are both … pretty good, right?

Problem – “Just Outside”

My Compton compatriot never misses. A mellow, introspective track that finds him in his expansive mode (my favorite of his), “Just Outside” is the best kind of West Coast cruising music.

Smokepurpp — “We Outside” Feat. Lil Mosey

Smokepurpp, low key, has been so ridiculously productive, I’ve considered skipping his stuff just so he doesn’t become a weekly fixture of this list. And it’s consistently fun, low-stakes, and enjoyably catchy.

Wacotron – “Take Off”

Southside protege Wacotron is a new-ish name, but he sounds like he’s been doing this for years, balancing simplicity, interiority, and the confidence of an established vet.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

I know it’s only February, but I’m ready to call it: Mike Lindell’s three-hour election fraud movie is the best comedy of the year.

On Thursday, Lindell, a.k.a. the MyPillow guy, a.k.a. alt-right Mario, appeared on the Christian-leaning YouTube channel, the Revival Channel, to announce that he would be releasing a “documentary” on Friday that would prove, without a doubt, “the theft by China and these different international locations, this cyberattack on our nation right here, that took, that flipped votes.” Well, it’s Friday, and I have doubts.

Absolute Proof premiered this morning on OANN, which slapped a 80-second disclaimer to the beginning of the thing. “Michael James Lindell has purchased the airtime for the broadcast of this program on One America News (“OAN”) network. Mr. Lindell is the sole author and executive producer of this program and is solely and exclusively responsible for its content,” the warning reads. “The topic of this broadcast is the 2020 election. OAN has undertaken its own reporting on this topic. This program is not the product of OAN’s reporting.” We’re already off to a great start. But don’t worry, it gets better (much worse).

Here are some budget-busting graphics.

Lindell is crushing those “algorithms.”

Rudy’s wine lady is BACK.

He also got the guy who claims he invented email (he did not invent email).

It will not surprise you to learn that he hasn’t been sleeping (those poor unused pillows).

The tl;dw version.

This is not Lindell’s first foray into film. He was the subject of the documentary The Mike Lindell Story: An American Dream, the page for which no longer exists. Five stars!

This may be one of the Mad Libs story of the year, and it begins with an appearance by Chelsea Handler on Literally!, the podcast of Rob Lowe. The story itself concerns a dinner party, Chelsea Handler, Katie Couric, and four men of some considerable ignominy: Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, Charlie Rose, and Woody Allen, and also Allen’s wife, Soon-Yi Previn.

It more immediately concerns rumors that Chelsea Handler had once attended a dinner party held by Jeffrey Epstein. Handler confirmed that it was true. She actually went to the party with Katie Couric, of all people (George Stephanopoulos was reportedly also in attendance). The guest list included the above, in addition to publicist Peggy Siegal, who had invited Handler as a sort of setup for Prince Andrew. It was also “a long time ago,” and Handler did not stay very long.

“When we got there I was like, ‘What is this gathering?’” Handler told Lowe on the podcast. “We had dinner and it was so awkward and so weird. I was like what are we doing here? And then I asked Woody Allen how he and Soon Yi met, and that was when I left.”

“Wait a minute,” Lowe asked. “You asked Woody Allen how he and Soon Yi met?”

“At that point of the night, I was like this is such a ridiculous dinner party, who are these people?” Handler told Lowe, adding that Woody Allen was sitting next to her. “I really was curious! I had forgotten for a moment, but as soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew that it was too late.”

The kicker is that Woody Allen was actually amused by the question, because in the company of those men, of course he was! “And he loved [the question],” Handler said. “And Soon Yi, I don’t think she heard it and Katie looked at me and was like, ‘Let’s go,’”

And that was that. She never saw Epstein again. “I’ve never been onto the private island, and I’ve never been on his plane. I’ve met him one time and that was the time.”

Handler can be seen in her most recent stand-up specials, Hello, Privilege. It’s Me, Chelsea on Netflix, and Chelsea Handler: Evolution on HBO Max.

Source: Literally! with Rob Lowe

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Okay, try to follow me here…

Quick background, which I provide both because it is helpful and because I will really enjoy typing it. Last week on 9-1-1 Lonestar, a volcano erupted in Texas. Are there volcanoes in Texas? I don’t know. I don’t think so. But that’s not important now because it happened. Some guy at a frat party basically melted in a swimming pool. A lady got chased from her vegan Tex-Mex food truck by scorpions who invaded it to seek refuge from the lava. I wrote a little about it last week. It was a whole thing.

This week, the fallout from the volcanic eruption continued, as I suppose it will. Firefighters from all over the country were called in to help, including the department from Los Angeles, which feels improbable in very funny ways but also allowed for a 9-1-1/9-1-1 Lonestar crossover, so who cares? There was a bus hanging out of a fifth-story window the other week and now the whole department is like “Screw it, things will be fine, let’s go to Texas to do lava stuff.” As always, it’s best to just roll with it and brush aside your questions.

One other important note: Rob Lowe sees ghosts now. Actually not “Rob Lowe.” It’s his character, Captain Owen Strand (a heroic firefighter who rebuilt his department after 9/11 and came to Austin to help rebuild their department after a janitor at a manure plant tried to reheat his burrito with the foil wrapper on it and blew the whole facility and the firefighters inside it to kingdom come), but I’m sorry, if I see Rob Lowe on television, it’s just Rob Lowe. He’s seeing the spirit of one of the guys who died in the volcano wreckage last week. And I would tell you more about it if I weren’t so excited to get to the dog driving the flaming car.

So the firefighters from the two shows were standing around making small talk, which was actually just them telling each other about the craziest emergencies they’ve dealt with, which was honestly kind of funny. But as we’ve learned from both these shows and any episode of Law & Order ever, two people engaging in idle small talk means something wild is about to happen. Let me direct your attention to a hill in the distance.

Oh, hell yes. We have what appears to be a burning car barreling down a hill through a volcano-induced wildfire. This is already starting out great. Let’s get a little more context via GIF, mostly because I made the GIF and want to show you.

Just wonderful. Firefighters from all over the country teaming up to combat the fallout from a geologically improbable volcanic eruption in Austin, Texas, and as if they didn’t have enough to deal with, a flaming car is screaming toward them with no regard for human life or personal property. Like, I know we’ve all had bad days, but very few of us have had a “burning car speeding toward you while you are standing in lava” bad day. It’s good to keep things in perspective, you know?

Anyway…

Yup, the car was being driven by a dog. The dog apparently unlocked the parking brake and shifted the car into drive after the owner stepped out for a second. This raises all sorts of questions, including but not limited to:

• How?
• Why was this guy just out cruising with his dog during a volcano-related emergency?
• What did he need to get out of the car for?
• Was he like running into the convenience store to grab a Dr. Pepper or something?
• How?

But again, there’s no point in lingering on any of these for very long. Just roll with it. And by “it,” I mean “the burning car being driven by a very mischievous boy whose name is apparently Clyde.”

So…that was weird, right? Like, we can all agree on that. It was a weird thing, even for a franchise that deals in weird stuff every week. I bet if you asked the firefighters involved — the ones who have seen and dealt with all of the weird stuff — they would have to agree that this was some extremely weird stuff.

Okay, good. Confirmed.

I will continue to keep you informed about what happens on these shows, as it is quite literally my job, but please treat yourselves and get involved on Monday night. Let the chaos wash over you. It’s freeing.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — This one is about dogs, too

The Super Bowl is this weekend. I suspect you already knew that. The Puppy Bowl is this weekend, too. You probably knew that as well, or at least said “Ohhhh, right” when I said it just now. The Puppy Bowl is great. It’s great in theory and it’s great in practice. How could it not be? It’s a few dozen puppies just running around for a while. I don’t even watch it most years. I just like knowing it exists. And I like knowing that even more now that I know it’s being hosted by Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart.

The lifestyle mogul, 79, and the rapper, 49, will both sport their own Puppy Bowl gear at the competition. Stewart will represent Team Ruff in an orange jersey while Snoop will back Team Fluff in a blue jersey.

Stewart and Snoop’s pooches will also be in attendance for the big event.

I know I should be past the shock of Snoop and Martha being friends. This has been going on for years. They had a cooking show together on VH1. Martha sells CBD gummies now. Their dogs are friends. But come on. This is still a little strange, especially if you’re old enough to remember the Snoop who was on trial for murder and made a song about it Imagine going back in time to right about when Martha Stewart went to jail for insider trading and telling someone that she and Snoop Dogg would be hosting a puppy football game together during the Super Bowl. I guess that’s not the first thing you’d do if you had a time machine. And depending on the various ripples caused by the other things you do, it might not ever end up happening. You could change history and wipe it right out of existence. You might just leave some stranger with a great story about meeting a crazy person who said they were from the future and said some wild stuff about a puppy football game. Might be worth it anyway.

During the game, viewers can receive shoutouts from Stewart’s French Bulldogs, Crème Brûlée and Bête Noire, and Chow Chows Empress Qin and Emperor Han.

Snoop’s French Bulldogs, Juelz Broadus and Chalk, will also be available for fan messages.

You know, I don’t think I could have predicted that these were the names of Martha and Snoop’s dogs if you had run up to me on the street and shouted “Quick, what are the names of Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg’s French bulldogs,” but if you had run up to me on the street and told me these were their names, I definitely would have believed you.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — This is, honestly, perfect, I love it

I think this is my favorite story of the week. David Lynch, beloved filmmaker and delightful weirdo, came out and said he had a big announcement to make. People got excited because it raised the possibility of a new season of Twin Peaks, or another new project, or almost anything, really. That’s the beauty of David Lynch. When he says “I have a big announcement,” it could be anything from “I’m making a new season of Twin Peaks with George Clooney and Zendaya” to “I met a nice horse named Benjamin.” And I am very pleased to report it was much closer to the latter.

Short version: David Lynch has been going on YouTube for a while now, every day, and giving a weather report for Los Angeles. The most straightforward weather reports you’ve ever seen, too. Like, he looks out the window and says “It’s sunny here. Pretty nice,” and that’s basically it. It’s the best use of the internet I’ve ever seen. And his announcement, the big one he teased that had the entertainment community abuzz, was going to be that he planned to stop doing the weather reports. But then he changed his mind.

Transcription below provided by my colleague Josh Kurp:

“This is a day I was going to announce that I was going to take a break from doing the Weather Report and picking the number of the day,” Lynch said (he also picks a number of the day). “But then I read the comments yesterday and it hit me once again what a great group you all are who subscribe or visit the David Lynch Theater. So thoughtful and so kind you are, and I’m so thankful there are people like you in this world. So, we’re going to continue on and I wish, no matter what the weather is, I wish for all of you blue skies and golden sunshine internally all along the way. Everyone, have a great day.”

To recap:

• David Lynch announced an announcement
• People got excited
• He announced that his announcement was going to be the end of his daily YouTube weather reports
• But then he changed his mind
• So the weather reports will continue

A perfect news story.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — Say what you will about The Little Things but it is the only movie I’ve seen where a Jared Leto character tells a Rami Malek character that the two of them aren’t so different, after all

Regular readers of this column know that I adore the scene in a movie or television show where one character tells another that they’re not so different, really. It brings me so much joy, in part because once you notice how often it happens you won’t be able to stop noticing it, and in part because it is deeply funny to me that people keep writing the line and actors keep saying it over and over. The purest version of it is “We’re not so different, you and I,” which is not the way any regular person would structure that sentence. There are variations, though, little rephrasings that mean the same thing, and those pop up a lot, too. This brings us to the new HBO Max movie, The Little Things.

I have not seen The Little Things yet. I suspect I will because it is a movie where Denzel Washington tracks a suspected serial killer played by Jared Leto, and that sounds like exactly the combination of “Hell yeah, a Denzel movie” and “this sounds like unwatchable garbage” I need in my life sometimes. But, because of my stated love of the “not so different” trope, I have had no fewer than a dozen people alert me to the screencap above since the movie came out last week. This, to be very clear, is the best. Please always do this. Always tell me when you see this happen. Send me a screencap if you can. It brings me so much pleasure.

Thank you.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — People should be allowed to deface the Hollywood sign once a month, in my opinion

Maybe you remember back in 2017 when some goofball scaled the hill where the famous Hollywood sign stands and screwed around with the letters so it read “Hollyweed.” I do. I always will, probably, because it is my favorite kind of thing: a profoundly stupid but harmless act that requires a ridiculous amount of planning and follow-through all for the purpose of entertaining fellow goofballs. Think about all the work that went into doing that. Think about how much time it took. This knucklehead could have started a business with that time, or made good headway on learning French, but instead he made the Hollywood sign say Hollyweed for a few hours before someone saw it and took it down. I love this person very much.

And guess what: It happened again this week, kind of, but instead of Hollyweed, the sign was altered so it read “Hollyboob.” I need you to take a minute right now and get a really good picture in your head of, like, Tommy Lee Jones, waking up in his house and pouring himself a cup of black coffee and looking out his window toward the hills and seeing the word “Hollyboob.” Do it with lots of other celebrities, too. Picture their reactions. Have some fun with it.

And as much as part of me wishes this all just happened mysteriously and was never explained, I am pleased to report that the Los Angeles Times was on it. Turns out it was a lady who was mad at Instagram. I can work with this.

Two social media influencers who managed to make the Hollywood sign read “Hollyboob” before being arrested on suspicion of trespassing Monday said they did so to challenge censorship on Instagram. One of them, they said, lost millions of followers — and part of her livelihood — when her accounts were shuttered for nudity.

Sure. Fine. Great. I can dig this. And in case you think this woman was not truly dedicated to the cause of nudity, please note this useful bit of information.

“It’s awesome,” said Julia Rose, 27, of L.A., whose Shagmag company brands itself as a modern rival to Playboy. “All of it combined together has been really, really great.”

Rose previously gained notoriety, along with a friend, for flashing her breasts during the World Series in 2019. For that stunt, she received a lifetime ban from Major League Baseball.

I’m so proud of her. Banned from Major League Baseball and defaced the Hollywood sign for goofs by age 27. What had you accomplished by that age? Or what will you accomplish by that age, if you’re not there yet? All I had done was funnel money into various bars and karaoke saloons in the greater Philadelphia area and gone to law school, only one of which I now regret. (Hint: It’s not the karaoke.) This woman should be an inspiration to people everywhere. You can do anything in this life if you put your mind to it.

I mean, look at this…

Instead of two tarps, they would only bring one, for the “W.” They’d achieve the second “B” by pulling a much smaller piece of material through the middle of the existing “D.”

They then got a double stroller to wheel the one tarp up an established trail that takes hikers above the sign, “pretending to be husband and wife,” Tenney said with a laugh. “We just kind of went for it, knowing that we could get caught.”

This is great. It should be legal. People should be allowed to screw around with the sign once a month. If it’s really good, they should get a prize. We’re all just trying to get through life any way we can, you know? Let the rascals have their fun.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Alan:

Reading about Helen Mirren getting behind the wheel in Fast 9 got me thinking about one of my favorite things in movies/TV: the actor who is clearly having a good time.

To me, this is when an actor knows exactly what kind of show or movie they’re in and regardless of the overall quality refuses to give it anything but their all. They’re not just committing to the role, they’re committing to elevating it and everything around them.

Pedro Pascal in Wonder Woman 1984? That is a man having a good time.

Rupert Grint in Servant? He gets to hang out in Philly, drink wine, use an American accent, and occasionally be freighted by a grown man in a crib. Good times all around.

Helen Mirren in Fast 9? Presumably an all-time great good time role.

Who is at the top of your list for Actors Having a Good Time?

The thing I like about this email is that it is very true and good — actors having a blast and devouring scenery is one of my favorite things — and allows me to just go ahead and post the video for “Misbehavin’” again because, come on, find me anyone anywhere who is having more fun than Walton Goggins in having in this scene.

I will also accept Hugh Grant as a Paddington villain, also for song/dance reasons.

This was a good chat. I’m glad we had it.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Texas!

A particular bird — the Cedar Waxwing — is creating a buzz across North Texas treetops.

If I know anything about local news stories, and I think I do, the word “buzz” was chosen with a purpose here. Local news stories cannot resist a crappy pun, and I respect them so much for it. My suspicion is that the birds are getting drunk somehow, and yes, let’s all please pretend that I haven’t read this entire article and know exactly where it’s headed. It will be more fun that way.

“They’re a very beautiful bird,” said Rachel Richter, an urban wildlife biologist with the Texas Department of Parks and Wildlife. “They’re a very eye-catching bird with that black mask. They actually get their name from the little red tips on their wings.”

Dammit, Rachel. I know this is important background information and I’m glad you’re sharing it with us, but I can’t be expected to wait for the payoff of this “buzz” foreshadowing. I need to know. Are these birds getting drunk or what?

But the birds are also known for something else: getting ‘drunk’ on berries.

Yes.

Yes.

Yesssssssssss.

“Because they eat predominantly berries, sometimes they eat berries that have fermented and are a little bit past their prime,” Richter explained. “Sometimes they tend to overindulge a little bit, which can get them intoxicated.”

The beautiful birds can get disoriented from imbibing the fermented fruit, causing them to act uncoordinated, Richter said, or even crash into windows.

Good for them. Give the birds the booze berries. It’s been a rough year for everyone.

Super Bowl LV will take place on Sunday and this year’s broadcast rotation puts CBS’ crew on the biggest sporting event of the year. For many of their analysts, Super Bowl week brings back memories of their own Super Bowl experiences, and the highs and lows that come with it.

Across the network, CBS has analysts with playing, coaching, refereeing, and front office Super Bowl experience. Uproxx caught up with five of them — Bill Cowher and Phil Simms from The NFL Today, London Fletcher and Amy Trask from The Other Pregame Show, and rules analyst Gene Steratore — this week to look back on their own favorite stories from the biggest game of the year.

Bill Cowher

Well, I’ve been to the two of them. We won one in [Super Bowl] 40, and we lost in 30. So I just remember the very first one, I was 38 years old, I think at the time and I was one of the youngest coaches to go to a Super Bowl. And I remember that whole week it was you know, the Dallas Cowboys, America’s team, and when they went to practices, they had their limousines and their own drivers. And we used to get on a school bus to go to our practice, this little team from Pittsburgh. And, I just remember the build up and it was just us against [the world]. We knew about the history, but we gave a good fight and we fell short in that.

But then you don’t realize how hard it is to get there until you all of a sudden find yourself 10 years later back in the same situation. And I remember going back and the whole mantra that entire time when we went to Detroit was, “They don’t remember who loses the Super Bowl.” I’ve lost one before, and no one even remembers that we went to one. So it was like one of those things, it’s one thing to get there, but if you don’t finish the deal, you’re just like all the other 31 teams, and like you’re second.

So, I remember walking in when we got to Detroit, we got the hotel and one of the stories I always think about is I was looking out my hotel room, I could see Windsor, and on the very other side there was this casino. I’m thinking, “Oh, a week with my players here.” I kept telling them every day, DO NOT CROSS the bridge to go to Windsor to that casino, because I tell you, if you get stopped, you’re not going to come back. And you’re not gonna be able to play in the Super Bowl. I want everyone’s passport, leave it here. Don’t go to that casino! Like, man, it’s like looking at the temptation, like a little kid with a hand in a cookie jar like, “Oh, don’t do that, but that’d be kind of nice.”

So, every day I would wake up and I get through the night, no phone calls, this is good, we got through another day. So just getting to Sunday, and having us have that focus that we needed. And I said it’s all about saying no rather than about saying yes during the course of that week, which is really the focus of all of these coaches, which ironically, this year, it’s not going to be the distraction, right?

Kansas City’s coming in from Saturday and Tampa Bay, staying at home so it’s like a normal home game. But that’s always been the thing to me for coaching is the week of the Super Bowl is, you know, being able to stay focused on what you’re there to do. Miss all the potential distractions, because there’s all these events going on and celebrations going on. And you want them to enjoy it, because why else are you trying to get to the Super Bowl other than to enjoy the experience? But there’s a fine line between making sure you stay prepared for the game.

Phil Simms

Well, lots of things come to my mind. Of course, I’m sitting here talking to you today because of playing in the Super Bowl. Otherwise, I’d have been coaching, and I’d have been fired a couple of times and probably looking for a job right now. In this business, you’re always looking for a job too, but you know.

A couple little quick things, probably the fact that you always want to go the Super Bowl and you dream of it, you work for it, but, you know, really deep down, you just go it’ll probably never happen. So when it did happen, it turned out to be everything I ever wanted it to be. And the greatest moment, yes, winning, playing and all that. But I remember standing in a tunnel of the Rose Bowl. We’re getting ready to be introduced to run out on the field, the team was, and they were gonna introduce our defense. And I remember standing there and it seemed like forever, and I just thought, “Wow, this is everything that I dreamed it would be.” Seeing the Rose Bowl, the fans, all that and it was a beautiful day, of course, in Pasadena. And then it was just awesome that and you know, it was great.

The only thing that made me nervous, was the fact that I had teammates crying. “Oh, man, you’re crying?” And then I had a I had an offensive lineman that love to, what’s the word for it? Give it up. And he’s throwing up. I’m going “Oh my god, we haven’t even run out of the tunnel.” So that’s just one of the stories that I remember that never leaves my mind. That moment before we ran out in the field.”

London Fletcher

The moments that stand out from from my Super Bowl experience. Obviously, the tackle the last play of the game where, where we were able to beat the Tennessee Titans with Mike Jones making that that iconic tackle of Kevin Dyson on the one yard line. But even as I think about it, it was the Titans, you know, you go back to the previous drive, they tied the game up and then we get the ball back on offense. Kurt Warner throws a touchdown to Isaac Bruce was like a one-play touchdown drive and our defense, we’re exhausted.

So we take the field again, to go up and try to stop Steve McNair and Eddie George and the Titans offense. They’re moving the ball and Steve McNair, he’s making a ton of plays. He’s running the ball, making some great plays and just putting themselves in position to possibly tie score. And I remember that last play I was on the field and we were in a coverage where I had man-to-man coverage on Eddie George. We were man-and-man across the board and McNair, because he was such a great running quarterback, there was going to be always a threat of him just decided to run the football.

So as I’m covering Eddie George into the flat, I kind of have one eye on Eddie George and one eye on Steve McNair in case he tried to start running, I’m hoping I would be able to make a tackle before he got into the end zone. But the play develops, and from my vantage point, I couldn’t tell if Dyson had gotten into the end zone or not when the tackle was made. So I wasn’t sure we won until my teammates ran on the field, the confetti starts coming down. That’s how I knew we won the game.

Amy Trask

It is my own personal thrill of victory to agony of defeat. We won the AFC championship game, I will forever remember when Zack Crockett scored with very little time remaining was the moment I realized we’re going to the Super Bowl. And it was an overwhelming feeling. And just the reaction of our fans at that moment and our fans to the victory covers me with chills to this day. And then the next week we lost the Super Bowl. And that night I fell asleep with my head on my husband’s shoulder, crying myself to sleep in the very clothes I wore to the game. So it really was the thrill of victory to the agony of defeat.

I don’t know if this happened many many decades ago, but we were the one time where there was no week off between the championship game and the Super Bowl. And I don’t want to take anything away from Tampa Bay, they beat us fair and square. But that was certainly to our detriment, because when facing your former head coach, who knows every one of your play calls and signals and rotations, that extra week off would have certainly helped us to be able to reorient. But again, not to take away from Tampa — they beat us — but I did I fell asleep that night in the clothes I wore to the game and cried myself to sleep on my husband shoulder.

Gene Steratore

Yeah, you know, the call naturally is surreal anytime you’re an official and you get that phone call that tells you that you’ve been selected to referee a Super Bowl. That reflective moment that occurs pretty quick after the surreal moment of actually hearing that takes place. And for me, it was a very personal thing. And then getting to the game and actually walking out on the field, it was my late father’s last football game that he got to see. And you know, the reason that my brother and I both got into officiating is because my father had done it for so long. So the full circle kind of feeling about a half hour before kickoff and looking up in the stands and seeing him and my mom so proud and happy. It’s kind of the place I started from, you know, when we at least 30 minutes before the kickoff, for sure.

Earlier this week, Amazon Prime Video shared the trailer for Coming 2 America, the sequel to Eddie Murphy’s 1988 culture clash comedy co-starring Arsenio Hall. The trailer features a rapped track with a lively beat and the refrain “Coming to America, now it’s coming to me.” If the voice sounded familiar, that’s because the song, “I’m A King,” is performed by none other than Uproxx favorite, Bobby Sessions.

Now, with its official release, we not only get to hear the full song, but fans may also be delighted to discover that it’s a collaboration between Sessions and fellow Texas star Megan Thee Stallion. The track is a celebratory affair, with Bobby and Meg trading self-aggrandizing boasts about their status and rising prominence. As Megan says, “My crown may tilt, but it ain’t falling.”

The placement is a huge look for Bobby, who recently released his debut album RVLTN 3: The Price Of Freedom, capping a string of releases that addressed heavy themes and suggested thoughtful solutions. Meanwhile, Megan is also fresh off the release of her own debut album Good News, and dropped the video for the single “Cry Baby” featuring DaBaby earlier this week.

Listen to Bobby Sessions’ Coming 2 America soundtrack single “I’m A King” featuring Megan Thee Stallion above.

Megan Thee Stallion is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.