In the end, as it should be, it was all about the relationship between Wanda and Vision. And even though the last episodes of WandaVision probably had a bit too many energy bolt fights for my taste, the emotional payoff between those two characters is all that really mattered.
WandaVision was less a “mystery box” and more a “mystery table tray.” In that, yes, by the nature of its concept, it was mysterious. But the contents were never really hidden all that much. Over the last few weeks, the theories went hog wild about who or what might show up. Apparently, everyone from Hugh Jackman to Al Pacino were supposed to show up in this last episode. Or it was supposed to lead directly into the next Doctor Strange movie. In the end, none of that really happened and there are a lot of disappointed people, but thank goodness that didn’t happen. Energy bolt fights aside, the show kept its focus squarely on the two characters that mattered.
It’s like our viewing habits have turned into less about character development and more into QAnon-type conspiracy theories. It seems like people just want to “figure it out,” as opposed to enjoying the arcs of the characters that are actually leading the show. Look, sometimes that can be fun. But some of the theories I’d see bouncing around that people were excited about, I remember reading them and immediately thinking, “that sounds terrible.” It reminds me of old The Phantom Menace message boards after that movie came out. People were convinced Anakin’s little buddy Kitster was actually Boba Fett. People thought Naboo became Dagobah. None of this made sense but people wanted to “crack the code,” even though there wasn’t any code. It turns out, in the end, the Star Wars Prequels were just about the relationship between three people, just kind of awkwardly executed. (Too bad, Kitster.)
We are coming up on two years since the last MCU movie in theaters, which if you forgot was Spider-Man: Far From Home back in 2019. WandaVision was never meant to be this kind of singular event that it wound up being. It was supposed to be just this weird thing to enjoy at home and maybe sell some more Disney+ subscriptions. It was never meant as anything to guide the entire MCU over the last two years, but it kind of became that because of our real-world circumstances. Oh, and Marvel has the rights to make X-Men and Fantastic Four movies now? Well, WandaVision must show us how! People have had almost two years to speculate about the whole Fox merger into the MCU, so now they wanted answers and WandaVision. Especially after the introduction of Even Peters’s version of Pietro. What was supposed to be a fun little thing became the hypothetical entryway for a thousand more characters to show up and say, “Hey, it’s me!”
(Side note: my biggest complaint about the finale specifically would be when Monica Rambeau told Wanda that the townspeople will never understand what she sacrificed. What? If I were a townsperson and was told what Wanda sacrificed there’s no way I’d be like, “Oh, she had to give up her robot boyfriend who was already dead? Well, that changes everything. Sure, I guess that was worth becoming a zombie for who knows how long.” Does Monica Rambeau even have the authority to just say, “We’re all good here”? Yes, Wanda should be in prison.)
So, yes, I enjoyed WandaVision for what it was: an homage to the history of the situation comedy and the story about the love between Wanda and Vision. Honestly, if anything, I wish it had fewer nods to the rest of the MCU than it even did, which, compared to most every other entry, wasn’t much. It’s not like Thor showed up at the end to help or anything. Or, even worse, the Fantastic Four showing up or something. But there are people deeply disappointed something like this didn’t happen. Again, thank goodness it didn’t.
The Blake Griffin era in Detroit has come to an end. According to Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN, Griffin and the Pistons have come to terms on a buyout on the remainder of his contract, and as a result, the former All-Star forward will immediately hit the pool of unrestricted free agents.
Six-time All-Star forward Blake Griffin has agreed to a contract buyout with the Detroit Pistons and will become an unrestricted free agent, sources tell ESPN.
The good news for Griffin is that despite the fact that he has looked like a shell of his former self this season, Wojnarowski reports that a number of teams with title aspirations have their eyes on him as a potential addition in the free agent market. Griffin, however, is expected to take some time to figure things out before joining a new team.
Griffin has interest from many of the NBA’s top playoff contenders and is expected to make a decision on his next team after conversations with prospective teams in the near future, sources said. https://t.co/8Qpbbp4ggE
Marc Stein of the New York Times added some of the teams expected to have some interest, which includes Griffin’s old franchise in the City of Angels.
The Lakers, Clippers, Nets, Heat and Warriors are among the teams that have expressed interest in Blake Griffin when he becomes an unrestricted free agent, league sources say
Injuries have caught up with Griffin in a big way, as he’s lacked the bounciness that was such a hallmark of his game during his prime. The soon-to-be 32-year-old power forward has averaged 12.3 points, 5.2 rebounds, and 3.9 assists a night this season while shooting 36.5 percent from the field and 31.5 percent from three. He last took the floor on Feb. 12 as his representatives and the Pistons tried to figure out a way to send him elsewhere amid the squad’s youth movement. A major issue was the amount of money he was owed — per Wojnarowski, Griffin was owed a remaining $36.6 million this season and $39 million in 2021-2022.
It is a bit tough to imagine a scenario where Griffin is able to go back to being the player that captivated fans in Los Angeles and during his early days in Detroit, but perhaps there’s a little something left in the tank and he can give a contender some help as the second half of the regular season and the postseason roll around.
When an earthquake and subsequent tsunami caused a nuclear disaster in Fukushima, Japan, in 2011 most people who lived in the area fled. Some left without their pets, who then had to fend for themselves in a radioactive nuclear zone.
Sakae Kato stayed behind to rescue the cats abandoned by his neighbors and has spent the last decade taking care of them. He has converted his home, which is in a contaminated quarantine area, to a shelter for 41 cats, whom he refers to as “kids.” He has buried 23 other cats in his garden over the past 10 years.
The government has asked the 57-year-old to evacuate the area many times, but he says he figured he was going to die anyway. “And if I had to die, I decided that I would like to die with these guys,” he said.
Kato’s dedication to animal welfare extends beyond the cats he’s rescued. He also rescued a dog named Pochi, and he has gotten in trouble with the Japanese government for releasing wild boars from traps they set. He feeds the boars as well
Kato estimates that he spends around $7,000 a month on food, fuel, supplies, and veterinary care, which he funds from his own savings and profits from his construction company.
It’s getting increasingly difficult to take care of the animals, though, and he anticipates it getting harder. One issue is that his home is falling apart, with rotting floorboards and damage to the roof and walls from another recent earthquake.
“It might last another two or three years. The walls have started to lean,” Kato told Reuters.
He doesn’t have running water, so he collects water in bottles for himself and the cats from a nearby stream. He uses a paraffin stove to heat the shed where he feeds the cats, and he drives to nearby public toilets.
Technically, he’s not allowed to sleep in his home, though he is legally allowed to visit. He hasn’t let that stop him from staying and caring for his cats, though.
Though Kato’s family is disapproving of his chosen path, he has every intention of staying and fulfilling what he sees as his life’s purpose.
“I want to be around when the last cat dies,” he says, “then I want to die after that, no matter if it takes a day or an hour. I want to take care of the last cat here before I die.”
Few people would make the sacrifices Kato has made to save animals, especially in a nuclear zone. As the area continues to be decontaminated, more of the 160,000 residents that fled the meltdown may eventually return. But for now, Kato appears to be content in the company of his cat kids and boar babies.
Here’s to those special souls who have a heart for animal welfare, and here’s to Kato for his perseverance and dedication in caring for these abandoned pets and giving them a loving home.
Lexie Brown is getting ready to enter her fourth season in the WNBA and her third with the Minnesota Lynx, as she keeps professional basketball as being the Brown family business. Her father, Dee, played 13 seasons in the NBA, and has his name forever etched in NBA lore for his no-look dunk in the 1991 Dunk Contest.
During that contest, he wore the iconic Reebok Pumps, and for the 30th anniversary of the event, Reebok is bringing back a mid-cut retro release of the Pump Omni Zone II on March 5. The face of the release is Lexie, who spoke with Dime this week about the full circle moment of getting to launch the same sneaker her father made famous, carrying on the family legacy while carving her own path on the court, the Wubble experience last year, and the Minnesota Lynx’s busy offseason coming off of a run to the semis last season.
When they came to you about this, and you first started discussing this with Reebok and your father, what were the conversations like and how exciting was it for you to be part of this release?
Yeah, it’s been super exciting. Unfortunately, me and my dad have not been in the same place for a few weeks now. So we haven’t really been able to share this exciting time together. But, I mean, we got so many pairs of Pumps at the house already — not in my size, obviously, but he had a bunch. So for them to rerelease it and just the way the sneaker game is, and just how excited everybody gets about a new pair of sneakers or bringing back old pair of sneakers, for him to be involved in that I’m just really happy for him. And I’m really blessed to be able to be a part of it.
Whenever you bring a retro sneaker back, it’s also about how you spin it forward. What do you think of the job Reebok’s done with with this sneaker and particularly making it something that is in line with the performance shoes today, but still paying homage to that that iconic look that your dad made so famous with that Dunk Contest?
Yeah, I think Reebok has done a really good job of making a basketball shoe, but also a lifestyle shoe. Me personally, I’ve played low top shoes, so I don’t know how many games I will be playing in the Pumps. Obviously, I will try and play in a few just because I think that would just be a really cool thing to do. But I know I will definitely be wearing them with sweats, some shorts, just being able to wear them out and about. And I think that Reebok has really altered the marketing a little bit that way as well. My dad doesn’t really wear them, you know, out about he wears them on the court sometimes. But obviously now he’s gonna think he’s, like, the coolest person on earth and wear them all the time, I already know. So it’s gonna be really cool. And I know the first time I wear them this season, I think that’s going to be like a really big deal. So I’m really excited about that moment.
I know you weren’t born yet, but I’m sure you’ve watched that ’91 Dunk Contest. How cool is it to look back and see that moment that your dad had and what was such a big moment in his career and what really became an iconic NBA moment?
Yeah I mean, for sure, that was a career-defining moment for him and for him to do it so early in his career is really amazing. I think really what that Dunk Contest, all of the guys who were participating, that kind of set the tone for the showmanship part of a Dunk Contest. You think more about entertaining everybody rather than just making, you know, difficult dunks. So I think he got the credit, obviously, when it happened. I think there was like a long period of time where it was kind of like it and then like, “ehhh.” But I think like maybe the last like five years, I think that every time All Star Weekend comes around, the Dunk Contest comes around, like people always bring up my dad’s dunk. And I think he’s finally getting his flowers for it, and I love that.
He’s judging the Dunk Contest this year as well, even though it’s a kind of a weird Dunk Contest, but he’s in there with some of the greats. So I’m really happy for him. Yeah, this whole moment, me being a part of Reebok, me being able to, you know, do a photoshoot with the Pumps on, like, this is literally a dream come true. And I know that he’s really proud that I’ve been able to work hard to get to this moment.
It is kind of a full circle thing. For you, coming up and getting to this point in your career, what have been the things that you’ve been able to talk to your dad about going through your professional career and making a name for yourself, but also, knowing that’s always going to be a part of what people think of when they when they see your name?
Reebok
He’s always taught me just to embrace it. I’ve always embraced it, I remember when I was little, I would bring his trading cards to school and be like, “Oh, this my dad, this is my dad,” so I’ve always been super proud of him. And our careers are very different as far as attention, accolades. I mean, obviously, we both got to the highest level, which at the end of the day, that’s the goal. But he tells me all the time, like, you accomplished way more than I did in high school. You accomplished way more than I did in college, you know? You got a lot more attention than I ever had being a young basketball player, but I think that he always had a chip on his shoulder through his whole career and always being the underdog counted out. And I think he instilled that in me. You know, no matter what’s going on, you always got to work harder than the person next to you. Work harder than the person in front of you, especially the people behind you, because they’re working hard as well. He just taught me just to always be the hardest worker on the team, in the room, and in a situation, take advantage of opportunities. And just remember that every day is a blessing.
Speaking of opportunities, last season in the Wubble was your first opportunity to really start in the WNBA. What did you take from that experience and then as a team as a whole being able to kind of surprise some folks with with a run to the semis as a young team that I don’t think people necessarily expected that from coming in?
It was amazing, when coach Cheryl [Reeve] was like, you’re gonna start this season, I mean, I was super excited to go from my rookie season not even being able to find time to becoming a starter on, I would say, one of the better teams in the league. It was just kind of a seize the moment type situation, because the league is so competitive. From top to bottom, every team has talent. So, you really got to stay on top of your stuff, when you get into a position like that. Unfortunately, when I was in the bubble, I got a concussion, so that kind of derailed my season a little bit. I thought that we were playing really, really well as a team. And I was just kind of struggling with that the whole season. I tried to fight through it as much as I could until, you know, it just became too much.
But I think our team, you know, we battled through some adversity, I think the whole league was battling adversity being the Wubble itself. And then we just were hit with injuries throughout the entire season. But for us to be able to make it to the semis, that just shows our resiliency, our toughness, and, yeah, we’re a very young team. So we have a lot of energy, you know, things don’t get us down for very long — short attention spans [laughs]. But we made a lot of offseason moves, so I think we’ve gotten a little bit older, a little bit smarter, a little bit more entertaining. So I’m really excited for us to get together next month.
Yeah, I was going to ask, the last couple free agencies since this new CBA have been pretty wild with the player movement. As you were watching this offseason unfold with Aerial [Powers] coming in and what what you guys were able to do, what was your reaction as you saw the team being built in Minnesota?
I was kind of expecting some major moves, because last year, we didn’t really make any. I think she did that on purpose because there were a lot of players that were not free agents last year that became free agents this year. There were some surprising moves, you know, like Odyssey [Sims] being traded that was a little bit of surprise, Kiki [Herbert Harrigan] getting traded. But I trust Cheryl, I think that she’s trying to adapt to the way basketball is being played now. Spread the floor a little bit more, get a little bit more threes up. So I’m really excited. I think I’ll probably transition back to play my natural position at the one. I mean, that’s what I hope, because I think I’m a really good point guard when I have the minutes and the opportunity. And we’re gonna have a regular training camp, we have a somewhat regular season. I think everybody’s just really excited to get back to Minneapolis.
What have been the things that you’ve been able to learn from Cheryl, because she is such a legend in the coaching game, and the things that she’s been able to impart on you in your couple seasons you’ve spent with her?
For me, the thing that I always struggled with is the mental side of the sport. Just not getting too down on myself. I’m a perfectionist to a fault. I’ve been like that my whole life, and it’s been something that I’ve been working on since I’ve been young. I’ve improved so much. I still got a little bit of ways to go, but she’s really been the first coach that has, I wouldn’t say punished, but I’ve had like consequences for getting down. You know, sometimes turning into a little bit of an energy vampire, things like that. I’ve never really had anybody call me out on it the way she has. And at the beginning, I didn’t really like it, didn’t really understand, like, what the point of it was when I was doing what I was supposed to do on the court. But now I’ve gotten a little bit older. This year, I didn’t go overseas, so I’ve had a lot of time at home for self reflection, things like that, and I just finally realized that, I mean, she was right all along. I think I’m learning to appreciate that type of criticism because I know it’s because she knows what I’m capable of as a player. And if I get this mental block out of the way, then I think my game is just gonna take off.
You mentioned the difficulty of being in the bubble. What were the mental hurdles you had to you have to clear of being there, being in IMG, and that’s the only place that you’re going, to be playing games back to back in a super condensed season, and all of that? What was the experience like and how did you guys find ways to come together and just push through all that?
I mean, I think the WNBA did a great job of getting a bubble together. It was really nice, comfortable, they kept it really safe for us. But I think the hardest part was just like you didn’t really have an escape from your teammates, your coaches, other teams, other players, refs. Like, everything was in one place, and I think that part of it was amazing, but terrible at the same time. Because all we want to do is play basketball all the time and play games and be together and hang out and whatever, that’s great. But you know, there’s some days, where it’s just like, I need to go hang out with my family. I need to see people, and you didn’t have that opportunity in there. So I think after a few weeks pass, some teams are playing well, some teams are not playing so well. You know, that’s when true colors came out. True personalities came out. You got to learn things about your teammates that you probably would have never learned otherwise.
But I think our team, you know, we have a really great locker room energy. We got to go on like outings, we went to the beach, we went on, like a sunset boat ride. Cheryl and everybody in the organization, they made sure that when they felt like we were kind of breaking a little bit, they would plan something like we would go somewhere, we would have team dinner, things like that. So I can only speak for our team, I think we handled the bubble like, really well. You know, no relationships were destroyed being there.
Hey, that’s a win.
Right?! Exactly. So, I think we’re just going to be really happy to not be in the bubble, and that’s gonna make this season even more fun and special.
Finally, with the shoe coming and you getting a chance to do this. What does this mean, for you as part of your career trajectory to have this partnership, and to be able to be the face of a launch of a shoe when you look back on the work that you’ve put into to get to this point?
I mean, it’s an amazing feeling. I know growing up, like, I’ve just always been a Nike girl. Like, being a part of a Reebok launch and the face of Reebok just was something that never crossed my mind. But now that the opportunity has presented itself, I’m so blessed and happy. I can’t imagine being a part of any other company. Like you said, it’s a completely full circle moment. My dad probably didn’t think that he would have a daughter carrying out this next thing. My little brother, he’s a little bit younger, so that would have taken a little bit longer. Just everything that me and my dad represent about relationships with daughters and their dads, who also are their coaches and their trainers. Like, it’s just an amazing relationship that we have, it’s a beautiful relationship, and I’m really happy that we can use Reebok and use basketball as vehicles to show our family dynamic and the love that we have for each other and the hard work that we’ve done to get to this point. And the support system, you know, we were his support system for his whole career still are and now the tables have turned. Now they’re my support system through my career.
So I think sometimes we just look at each other, and we’re just like, “Can you believe, like, we did this? Like, you did it and then I did it, and you were doin’ it, and now I’m doin’ it.” So it’s just like a really cool moment for the entire family.
The Mars Volta has been broken up since 2013, but the group got fans excited yesterday when they teased something called La Realidad De Los Sueños. Some speculated new music was coming, but it turns out that old music is coming: Today, the group announced that La Realidad De Los Sueños is a huge 18-LP box set.
The collection features the band’s first release, their 2002 EP Tremulant, as well as all of their studio albums: De-Loused In The Comatorium, Frances The Mute, Amputechture, The Bedlam In Goliath, Octahedron, and Noctourniquet. There are a bunch of other goodies included in the near-$500 set as well, as the product page notes:
“‘La Realidad De Los Sueños’ is literally ‘the reality of dreams’ for the numerous The Mars Volta fans all around the world. It not only contains the band’s whole studio discography but also some true treasures like ‘Landscape Tantrums,’ unreleased material from the De-Loused In The Comatorium Sessions and a photo-book with exclusive behind-the-scenes shots. The 18 LP set is limited to 5,000 copies, pressed on 180 gram black vinyl and comes with a characteristic and The Mars Volta-esque designed box. Rack included and ready-made for a perfect presentation.”
It does appear that new music is on the way at some point, though, as the band’s Cedric Bixler-Zavala said back in 2019, “When [Rodríguez-López] played me a grip of new sh*t I f*cking cried. Like Claire Daines in Romeo & Juliet cried. Yeah it was f*cking weird. It’s in its infancy right now. No deadlines, no ball tripping, no drama, just 2 grown ass men using essential oils and bold new perfumes shooting ideas and scooting their ass across the f*cking lawn trying to get rid of these worms.”
La Realidad De Los Sueños is out 4/23 via Clouds Hill. Pre-order it here.
It looks like Cardi B fans might not see more of her trademark clap backs or Asian snack purchases for a while; the “Up” rapper has deactivated her Twitter account. A search of Cardi’s @ name shows a “does not exist” message and there was apparently no explanation or warning before she deactivated the account. It’s unknown why she deactivated it or whether the deactivation is temporary, but she does have 30 days to restart her account before Twitter deletes it entirely.
Before the deactivation, Cardi announced that she was closing in on finishing her album, so that may have a bit to do with it. The account was also infamous for featuring Cardi’s wildest thoughts and clashes with other big social media personalities, including conservative commentators who tried to take her to task over her uninhibited lyrical content. She also used it to tease collaborations and new projects, such as potential songs with Playboi Carti and Lizzo, and address critiques of her music and personality, such as the time she explained why her songs inspire TikTok challenges.
Fans can still get Cardi B updates on her Instagram and her OnlyFans, which she started so that she could address fans directly without outside observers jumping to conclusions.
Cardi B is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE — Love these dudes
Few things in the world of television have brought me as much joy as the rise of Desus and Mero. Their story is so cool. They were a couple of dudes with regular day jobs who were funny on Twitter, and they turned that into a podcast, and they turned that podcast into television gigs, and they turned those television gigs into their own television show on Vice, and they turned that show into a big deal television show on Showtime. They interviewed Obama a little while ago. It is really wild to see two guys you started listening to on a podcast years ago getting roasted by a former president on a premium cable network. I love it.
I also love that they love it and seem committed to doing awesome and/or hilarious stuff with their big new platform. Their show is such a blast. Huge chunks of it are them just cracking jokes about the news and talking junk about people who deserve to have junk talked about them, and other chunks of the show are spent interviewing or doing stuff with celebrities. They’ve spoken to AOC. They took Anna Kendrick to the Bronx. They had Letterman on and he more or less anointed them as the next kings of late night. It rules. It’s exactly what you should do if you get a shot at fame after years of working a regular job. I hope they start popping up in movies as themselves all the time now, like how the guys from PTI play themselves in sports movies sometimes.
I say all of this now for two main reasons: One, because it is true and someone should say it; two, because they did something really cool this week, and talking about it gave me an excuse to write that two-paragraph intro about how good they are. Please take a few minutes at some point today or this weekend to watch this video. It is very funny and very sweet and just really cool.
The gist of it goes like this: Desus and Mero take over a fifth-grade class from St. Charles Borromeo Catholic School in Harlem. They do it for the jokes, in part, because giving children a live microphone on television is almost always good for a laugh or two. But they also do it to highlight the work the teacher, David Robles, is doing during an impossible time to make school fun and interesting for kids who are stuck inside and attending school via Zoom from their living rooms.
Watch it all the way to the end. Watch the kids say some really nice things about their teacher. Feel your heart grow about two or three sizes when you see the difference this is making for kids who are just barely old enough to understand what is happening in the world but not old enough to do anything about it on their own yet. And then watch as one of the kids, after hearing that Desus and Mero are sending everyone a new pair of sneakers, shout out that he wants Yeezys. I like that kid. Shoot the shot when you’re open, you know?
Anyway, again, all of this is great. I’m glad they did it and I’m glad they’re very famous now and I’m glad I have a little space on the internet to ramble about it. The brand is strong, as always.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — June 25 is now the most important date on the 2021 movie calendar
Universal
Good news and bad news. Bad news first because I can put enough English on it to spin it straight into the good news: The ninth Fast & Furious movie, the one that was supposed to come out last year, the one that released its trailer over 13 months ago now, the one that revealed that Han — a character who died in the third movie but appeared in films 4-6 thanks to the franchise turning itself into a chronological pretzel — is either alive or has been replaced by a person/robot/hologram who looks exactly like Han, the one in which Charlize Theron has a bowl cut and a magnet plane, the one that apparently introduces John Cena as Vin Diesel’s evil secret brother and may or may not send its characters into outer space, has been delayed yet again.
F9, which was slated to debut over Memorial Day weekend, has pushed back its release date once again. But fear not, adrenaline junkies: the high-octane sequel hasn’t spun too far out; it’s still expected to open this summer on June 25.
So there’s that. It’s a bummer because I want to see this movie as soon as possible. I want to have seen it. I want it to be done with its theatrical run and airing on basic cable already. But I’ve waited this long, and if one more month increases the chance I can see it safely inside a movie theater, then fine. This brings us to the good news.
The sequel to Venom, the terrifically titled Venom: Let There Be Carnage, also comes out on June 25. Couple this information with the fact that there will apparently be enough vaccines available for every American adult by the end of May, and we are — if we can stay reasonably careful and vigilant about all of this a little longer — looking at a future where we can see both of these movies… in a theater… on the same weekend. We could even do it on the same day. Think about that. Think about going to a movie theater and buying all the candy and soda you can carry and seeing an F9/Venom double bill on a Saturday. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?
Well, it does to me. Stick me with all the vaccines you got and then shove images of Vin Diesel and Tom Hardy into my eyeballs. This is not a sentence I expected to type as recently as 13ish months ago, back when the F9 trailer dropped, but now it is all I want in the entire world.
ITEM NUMBER THREE — Freakin’ heck yeah, Anthony Hopkins
This is a video of Anthony Hopkins — Sir Anthony Hopkins CBE, a man who has been knighted by the Queen and won an Academy Award for playing a genius murderer cannibal — doing a fun little dance from what looks like a luxury villa in some tropical location. He posted it on Twitter this week. Like, he just uploaded it and I saw it and I retweeted it so fast I almost hurt my finger.
But how could I not? It’s so strange. And cool. Good for him. Good for Anthony Hopkins. The man is 83 years old and appears to be having more fun than anyone I know. Imagine being in such a good mood that you decide, on a Tuesday in March, to go online and post a video where you do a little tropical dance. I’ve watched this video maybe 20 times this week and, after I got past the thing where Hannibal Lecter is doing a little two-step from what appears to be a Sandals resort, I can’t help but think he has something about life figured out. Teach me your ways, Anthony Hopkins.
While we’re on the subject of Anthony Hopkins, here’s a fun story: He used to date Martha Stewart and, according to Martha, she broke it off with him because she couldn’t get the image of Hannibal Lecter out of her head. From a 2006 interview with Howard Stern:
Stewart appeared on shock jock Howard Stern‘s radio show last week and admitted she had second thoughts about romancing the Welsh-born star after watching The Silence of the Lambs while they were dating.
She said, “Oh, I loved him, but he was… scary. I was going to invite him up to Maine; I have this beautiful home in Maine… but then I reconsidered because I saw that movie again.
“Do you want someone eating your brain while you are sitting in your beautiful dining room in Maine?”
Do I think there’s a chance Martha is playing things a little loose with the facts in the name of doing good radio? Yes, I do, in part because this is too good and in part because Martha Stewart is a professional entertainer who would see the fun in it. But… it’s not entirely impossible, right? You could see Martha Stewart doing this, couldn’t you? I don’t know. I almost like not knowing. Let me believe this is true. If I can’t do a fun little dance in the Caribbean, at least let me have this.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — Meanwhile, on the 9-1-1 Chaos Block
FOX
It’s been a while since we checked in with the Fox Monday Night Chaos Block, 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lonestar, so let’s do that. The screencap at the top of this section is from the original flavor. What we have here is two neighbors arguing over a giant wooden boat-shaped playhouse that one of them built for his kids. Turns out it may or may not have been too close to the property line, which a) upset the older gentleman in the screencap, and b) is exactly the kind of trivial argument that people have on these shows before something truly nutso happens. Let’s skip ahead a bit.
FOX
Oh, baby. Oh, this is a promising development. It seems to imply something is happening in the sky that will affect the situation on the ground. The best part is that it could be anything. I mean that. Anything. This show has had tsunamis and earthquakes and babies flushed down toilets that were rescued from the apartment building’s plumbing. I am so excited to see what ends up happ-…
FOX
HOLY CRAP.
A damn Hummer fell out of the sky and crushed this guy under a giant wooden boat-shaped playhouse. And he survived. And it wasn’t even the most elaborate lunacy that happened in the episode This hour opened with an all-mom punk rock band bleeding from the eyes after smoking a joint laced with rat poison, and ended with a Rear Window situation where Angela Bassett’s characters ex-husband uncovered an illegal bootleg surgery operation being run out of a luxury apartment across the street.
And that was only the first hour. I wasn’t exactly sure how 9-1-1: Lonestar could go about topping all of it, but if I know anything about these shows, it’s th-…
FOX
Oh no.
Oh God no.
Not again.
They’re not going to drop something else out of the sky.
Not in both hours.
Not at a funeral.
They wouldn’t do th-…
FOX
THEY DID IT.
THEY DROPPED SOMETHING OUT OF THE SKY IN BOTH EPISODES THIS WEEK.
I MEAN…
HOLY CRAP.
FOX
THAT’S WHAT I SAID.
To be very clear, this is a dead body that fell off an airplane and crashed into another dead body in a casket during a funeral. And later in the episode, a medical transport guy got stuck butt-first to the monster magnet in the hospital’s MRI room and Rob Lowe and the other firefighters had to strip down to their metal-free underpants to go in and save him. These are good shows. It’s incredible they are on network television, back-to-back, every Monday night.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE — This trailer is extremely important for two reasons
This is the trailer for the upcoming HBO Max dark comedy Made for Love. As I said in the section heading, I bring it to your attention here for two main reasons. The first is that it stars Cristin Milioti and sounds weird as all hell, and as we know from her performance in Palm Springs, Cristin Milioti thrives in comedies that are weird as all hell. Look at the description of this sucker.
‘Made for Love’ follows Hazel Green (Milioti), a thirtysomething woman on the run after 10 years in a suffocating marriage to Byron Gogol, an unstable, needy, possibly sociopathic tech billionaire. Soon she discovers that her husband has implanted a revolutionary monitoring device – the Made for Love chip – in her brain, allowing him to track her, watch her and know her thoughts and feelings as she tries to stay alive. Also, there are dolphins. The chip allows Byron unprecedented access to Hazel’s brain as she flees to her desert hometown to take refuge with her aging widower father and, alarmingly, his sex doll.
That is… a lot. Maybe too much. I don’t know if it will work, but I do know that I will support Milioti for reasons including but not limited to scenes like this…
HULU
… so here we are.
The second reason I’m sharing the trailer with you is that, as you know by now if you clicked play already, it features Ray Romano doing a spoken-word voiceover rendition of “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé, and that is something we all need in our lives desperately even if we didn’t know we needed it until this very moment. The best things in life usually work that way. Yes, I am implying that Ray Romano doing a spoken-word performance of “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé is “one of the best things in life.” Listen to it now. Listen to it again. It’s beautiful. Life is beautiful. Things are going to be okay, guys.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From David:
My wife and I have been doing so many grown-up things during the pandemic. We re-financed our mortgage, got life insurance, and are finalizing our wills. The only part that has made these things tolerable is that the lawyer we are using for our wills is named C. Robinson. I have never once thought about the lawyer’s name without pronouncing it in my head as Nandor from What We Do In The Shadows speaking about Colin Robinson.
So two questions:
What is something weird that helps you take care of boring, adult responsibilities?
And, related, what names or references from somewhat obscure TV shows keep you from 100% functioning like a responsible adult?
Oh, David. Oh, buddy. Welcome to my universe. What you just described is how almost every day of my life goes. It’s great most of the time, but sometimes it results in me veering across two lanes of traffic so I can pull into a parking lot and take a picture of a sign because the words on it would make a good fake name. A sign like this, for example.
brian grubb / uproxx
It’s fine. I’m fine. And I think that’s the answer to your first question. I was out running errands when that happened. I was probably going to buy, like, antacids or something, because my adult stomach does not always handle foods that are spicy and/or fried too well anymore.
As far as the second question, I’ll say this: In the fourth season of Justified, there was an episode called “Money Trap.” It aired in 2013, over nine years ago. It featured a character who never appeared in another episode before or after, a female college student who hustled and grifted chumps on card tables and riverboats all over the South. Her name was Jackie Nevada. I suspect I’ve thought about this once a month since it happened. Again, it’s fine. I’m fine. You and I are having fun, David. That’s what’s important here.
A council is reviewing CCTV footage after reports that a large section of pavement was stolen from a village in West Sussex.
Folks, I need to clarify something, just so nothing gets lost in the English-to-English translation: What we have here is a sidewalk heist. Someone, or a group of someones, stole a damn sidewalk. Click on the link and go look at it. It’s a chunk of cement-like material between parking spaces and a residential property. Call it pavement if you want, if it makes you feel better. But these maniacs stole a freaking sidewalk.
I am filled to the brim with questions about this. Why did they do it? What was their endgame? Did they show up at a local pawn shop with like eight feet of sidewalk and begin bargaining? Is this just step one in a much larger plan, like how Danny and the boys stole the big science gizmo in Ocean’s 11 so they could use it to rob Terry Benedict’s casino? Is there some impossibly British quote about all of this from a witness? I need to know.
Storrington resident Alan Stainer said whoever had taken the slabs had “made a right old mess”.
Well, at least I got one answer. What a beautiful collection of words that is. Bunch of rascals stole a sidewalk and this guy is out here being more British about it than Michael Caine. It’s a good story.
Horsham District Council said it believed that “the paving slabs may have been stolen overnight,” adding that it was taking steps to make “the area safe for car park users”.
Perfect. Wonderful. I’ve got to believe this is the silliest news story to come out of England this week. I don’t see how anything could top it. There would have to be, like, to choose an example at random, a commuter train delayed at rush hour because a cat was sitting on top of it and refused to get down.
In the UK right now a train is delayed as a cat is sitting on the roof and refusing to come down. pic.twitter.com/I4WAC681Te
You should watch The Price is Right clip above without any context. I’ll wait.
Welcome back. I probably do not need to describe The Price is Right “Showcase,” as you have also spent time in a waiting room, but just in case: the winners of the Showcase Showdown (that’s the big wheel spin) compete against each other to take home a bunch of prizes, some more impressive than others. After the first showcase is presented, the highest-earner can either pass the showcase to the other contestant, or keep it for themselves by guessing how much it costs. Either way, both contestants will pretend to know the cost of a jet ski, or whatever. Whoever’s closest without going over, wins it. Also, Drew Carey is there. This is, all these years later, still a surprise every time.
The showcase for Jennifer, a contestant on the March 3 episode, included a video camera, a home theater, and a Nissan Versa. She guessed $23,294. Considering Robert, her game show enemy, was over by $6,083, she had a good chance of winning. “You bid $23,294,” Carey said, drawing out the tension. “The actual retail price is 23 thousand… two hundred… ninety… one.” Jennifer was over by three dollars. Three! My favorite part of the whole thing, above even the Ralph Wiggum-esque look on her face and Carey suggesting that she drown her sorrow in ice cream,” is the “buzz” sound effect that plays right after Jennifer’s heart is broken. It’s no “losing horn,” but it still stings.
There are a lot of bourbon choices on the shelf. Big-name distilleries in Kentucky, Indiana, Tennessee, and beyond can put out five, ten, even 20 or more different labels from the same stills and barrel houses. Celebrities are launching lines left and right. Drinkers are rich with choice and, even still, many of them like to stick to the tried and true.
By being as skilled at creating craft expressions as Woodinville Whiskey Co. out in the Seattle suburbs, that’s how. The relative newcomers have been killing the whiskey game over the past couple of years. Their entry-point bourbon won Double Gold and was named the Best Straight Bourbon of 2020 at last year’s San Francisco World Spirits Competition. Their 100% Rye is equally lauded, along with their Port Finish Bourbon — our favorite bourbon of 2020.
This is quality juice, is what we’re getting at. And people who know bourbon whiskey see that.
Woodinville is a small operation making big whiskeys, which makes this ranking a little shorter than our normal Friday brand rankings. We’re only talking about their four core expressions (though you can find some serious barrel picks out there and great cask-strength one-offs at the distillery when it’s open). The flipside of that coin is that it also makes ranking these four bottles almost impossible — it would have been easy to finish with two ties.
Still, we’re going to give it our best shot. That way, when you do come across a bottle, you’ll know which one to start with.
Double Barrel is a great example of the craft involved with this brand. The juice is fermented from grains (corn, rye, and barley) pulled exclusively from Omlin Family farm in Quincy, Washington. The distillate then goes into barrels that spend two years air-drying on the leeward slopes of the Cascade Mountains before a light toasting and very light charring. The hot distillate mellows in those barrels and is then transferred to used bourbon barrels to finish out their maturation.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a nose of red berries dusted with cinnamon and brown sugar with a buttery base next to a hint of that toasted oak. The palate veers away from the berries towards a ripe peach floating in vanilla cream with honey and eggnog spice cutting through. The end circles back to the dry wood notes, with a slight spicy tobacco chew offering a counterpoint to that silken vanilla cream and stonefruit on a medium-length fade.
Bottom Line:
Something has to be at the bottom of this list. The main reason for this landing in the bottom slot is that this feels like the best mixer on the list — or the bottle we reach for the least when sipping neat or on the rocks. It’s absolutely a fine sipper but, really, it’s a better cocktail base for a craft Manhattan or old fashioned.
American Distilling Institute Craft Spirits Awards named this their Best Rye back in 2017. The juice is 100 percent rye with grains sourced locally from the Omlin family farm. The whiskey is barreled in air-dried and toasted barrels but this time they’re heavily charred before the spirit goes in. The barrels are then hand-selected and married to create a pure rye whiskey experience at an accessible 90 proof.
Tasting Notes:
This very much falls into the “classic” rye category with a nose full of dark and woody spices next to bright red fruits, honey, and a touch of fresh and (maybe even wet) tobacco leaves. The palate embraces the nose while adding in a, dare we say, plummy Fruit Roll-Ups taste and vibe next to a slight nuttiness, mild vanilla/caramel, and spicy dried tobacco chew on the end of the sip. The finish is long-ish, velvety, and touches back on the almost cedar woodiness and leathery fruit as the spicy tobacco warms the chest.
Bottom Line:
This rye feels like it’s for aficionados while still holding onto real accessibility in flavor and mouthfeel. While it can be a bit bold, it’ll never overwhelm, especially when you get a little ice or water in there to really let it shine in the glass.
This much-lauded bourbon is Woodinville’s touchstone expression. The whiskey is made with those same family farm grains. The juice spends years in the toasted and heavily charred barrels maturing until it’s just right (around five years in total). The results are married and proofed down with local water to a very welcoming 90 proof.
Tasting Notes:
You’re greeted with a thick vanilla pudding with caramel candy and a cedar box full of dark spices. The caramel thickens to a buttery and rich toffee with notes of dark chocolate peeking in next to more of those woody spices and a vanilla oil velvetiness. The end is long and really embraces the sweeter edges of the vanilla pudding while allowing the spice to warm the senses.
Bottom Line:
This is one of those drams where you’re left thinking after the first sip, “Oh, this is what good bourbon tastes like.” It’s matter-of-fact while also being incredibly sippable neat or on the rocks … in a highball … or in your favorite cocktail.
In short, it’s as versatile as it is drinkable.
1. Woodinville Straight Bourbon Whiskey Port Finished
This expression is the brand’s award-winning five-year-old bourbon taken up a notch. That means you’re getting that grain-to-glass experience of local Washington craft along with the bespoke barreling process on those snowy Cascade Mountains. The juice is then finished for six to 12 months in port casks, adding a whole new dimension to the bourbon.
Tasting Notes:
Candied fruit, roasted nuts, and bourbon vanilla entice you throughout the sip. Those notes lead right into a Christmas cake full of dried fruits, spice, nuts, and plummy sherry depths. The end shines in all of those notes, adding a warming feeling that revels in all the candied fruit, cake, spice, nuts, and oak as it slowly fades away, leaving you with a silken mouthfeel and sweet warmth.
Bottom Line:
This word gets thrown around a lot, but this bourbon is smooth. It’s just the right amount of sweet, spicy, and bourbon-y, creating a unique and delicious sipping experience. We like it neat. But don’t sleep on making a killer cocktail with this one — something like a Sazerac, eggnog, or boulevardier feels right.
Australia has been kind to the world in terms of its musical output, as the country has exported a range of esteemed artists including Kylie Minogue, AC/DC, Courtney Barnett, and a host of others. One of the country’s most successful groups of all time may not be an obvious pick, but it’s one a lot of children have heard over the years: The Wiggles.
Hosts of Triple J’s “Like A Version” segment and fans recently campaigned to get The Wiggles to make an appearance on the show, and sure enough, those efforts were a success: The band stopped by to cover another Australian classic, Tame Impala’s “Elephant,” but mixed it up by combining the track with one of their own most beloved tunes, “Fruit Salad.”
At this point, the only remaining member of the band who was around during their commercial peak in the 2000s is Anthony Field (the Blue Wiggle), as Murray Cook (the former Red Wiggle), Jeff Fatt (Purple), and Greg Page (Yellow) all left the group in 2012. However, Cook and Fatt put their colored shirts on again and rejoined the band for this performance.
Watch The Wiggles cover “Elephant” above. They also spoke about the cover in an interview video, so check that out below.
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