Stephen Colbert’s Months-Long Refusal To Say Trump’s Name Has Been Exposed, So He Needs A New Nickname

Since last November, when Joe Biden won the 2020 election, Stephen Colbert has refused to say “Donald Trump” on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. No one noticed for months, but the Associated Press and the Washington Post recently caught on.

“OK, you got me. Guilty as noticed,” Colbert said during Monday’s episode. “For the record, I’m not trying to scrub him out. It’s just that legend has it, now that he’s out of office, if you say his name three times, he appears in your bathroom mirror and then uses your toilet while complaining that it’s low flush.” Much scarier than Candyman.

Colbert admitted that it’s hard coming up with synonyms “for this douche-nozzle’s name.” He usually goes with “former-president, but that gives him dignity ― and me flashbacks. I’ve also called him ’45’ because he’s the 45th president, but now he’s rebranding himself as 45.” (45Office.com leads to Trump’s official website.) So, he’s looking for a “reliable substitute for his name. Maybe I should just call him, y’know, ‘Melania’s husband,’ or ‘Jeff Epstein’s dance partner,’ or something really insulting, like ‘Don Jr.’s father.’” But until Colbert settles on a permanent nickname, he’s asking for your help: tweet your suggestion to @ColbertLateShow with the hashtag #HeWhoShallBeNamed.

You can watch the clip above.