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Arcade Fire Debut A Hypnotic 45-Minute Track They Made For A Meditation App

We could all use a little break right now, and Arcade Fire apparently agrees. That’s why the band teamed up with the popular guided meditation and sleep app Headspace to record a 45-minute-long song titled “Memories Of The Age Of Anxiety” aimed to help listeners find some peace of mind.

Arcade Fire shared a snippet of “Memories Of The Age Of Anxiety” on social media, saying it was made in partnership with John Legend and Headspace and has “meditative vibes to help you focus and feel inspired.”

While the track isn’t available on streaming services, Arcade Fire has recently teased some details about their plans for new music. Back in November, the band debuted the righteous anthem “Generation A” in a live performance on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, which was intended to be a “hopeful message to the youths.”

“Generation A” is just the first song Arcade Fire had coming. Last year, vocalist Will Butler revealed that the band had been well into recording their next album when the pandemic put their plans on halt:

“Regine and I have been writing for the last couple of years, and the band was a few months into recording new material when COVID-19 hit…We had been exploring a lot of lyrical and musical themes that feel almost eerily related to what is happening now (we actually have a song called Age of Anxiety written a year ago for Christ’s sake – ha ha ). Needless to say, the writing has intensified, and the work is flowing out… It is challenging as ever, and with just as much purpose.”

Listen to a snippet of their meditative song above and get the Headspace app here.

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‘Mortal Kombat’ Star Joe Taslim Is Drawing Comparisons To Bruce Lee For His ‘Fast’ Fight Scenes

Joe Taslim was the first actor cast in HBO Max’s hyper-violent Mortal Kombat (he plays Sub-Zero). It was a wise decision, considering the actor and martial artist’s background as a judo champion; he’s also appeared in some of the best action movies and franchises in recent memory, including The Raid, Fast & Furious 6, and The Night Comes for Us. “Joe Taslim did an amazing job. He represented Indonesia for judo, so the guy is an athlete and he shows it, and the presence he brought to that character was just extraordinary,” director Simon McQuoid previously told Movie Web about Taslim.

His co-star Mehcad Brooks was equally complimentary in a making-of featurette (which you can watch above) for the R-rated movie. “Joe was so fast, they had to ask him to slow it down for the camera,” the actor, who plays Jax, said. “There’s like two guys that’s ever happened to: Joe Taslim and Bruce Lee.” The Lee claim isn’t entirely accurate, but it’s close enough to still be incredible. In any case, if you’re a martial artist being compared to Bruce Lee, you’re doing something right. And Lee would appreciate the thought that Taslim puts into his fight scenes:

“Let’s say a fight is four minutes,” Taslim explained. “That’s hard. There are no lines, but it’s not just a fight. There’s a story. Something is motivating those characters. What is the purpose of this fight? Does the character think he’s going to win, or does he already know he will die? Or is he just toying with his opponent who underestimates him? When you see a good fight scene, it’s never [just] a fight scene. It’s drama.”

Mortal Kombat comes out in theaters and on HBO Max on April 23.

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Taylor Swift Excavates And Embraces Old Selves On Her New Version Of ‘Fearless’

We were both young when I first saw you…

In the winter of 2008, countless teen girls across the country played the second record from their new favorite artist on repeat. Fearless was everything we wanted to be and everything we weren’t, but at least Taylor Swift was getting her heart broken, too. In between meeting Justin Bieber and Faith Hill, and slowly becoming a songwriting legend herself, Taylor boldly shared her romantic rejections and failures like they weren’t embarrassing — like they weren’t necessarily her fault.

At that time, it was so strange to hear someone my age sing about how serious our loves felt, and the enormous pressure we all faced to make a fairytale come true. We should’ve known back then that a teenager with the audacity to rewrite Romeo And Juliet was going to forever change the role of Female Songwriter in our culture. Her ability to endure, and make art out of the pain, seemed incredibly adult; her commitment to singing about being a kid despite that ability seemed like a gift.

There are plenty of people who are addicted to viewing Swift strictly through a cynical lens. From that standpoint, Taylor’s Version is just another cash grab, a decision motivated purely by financial reasons. Unable to rectify Taylor the businesswoman (or The Man, heh) with Taylor the songwriter, artist, woman, and teen girl, they simply dismiss the latter roles in favor of the former. In their eyes, financial gain and masters ownership are the sole motivations for Taylor’s Version of Fearless, as if a known enemy owning a woman’s (beloved, deeply personal) art is too strange a motivation to understand or her frustrated reaction to that scenario is simply another bout of “pettiness.” An artist insisting on honoring and preserving her art exactly how she wants to seems more like dignity than pettiness… and probably would be portrayed as such if it was anyone else.

For those who haven’t already worn a groove in a hundred burned CD-R copies of Fearless decorated in Sharpie, or streamed it over and over on Spotify, or kept treasured Walmart deluxe versions in the glove compartment of every car, Taylor’s Version is a chance to fall in love with the girlish songwriter that first won so many Swifties over. A solid listen to Fearless — either version, really — forces listeners who came onboard post-1989 to reckon with the teenager Swift once was, a narrator who makes cynical dismissal a little harder to do.

There’s just no reckoning with the lyrical thrill of the title track, the cathartic plot twist on “Love Story,” or the near-perfect melodic structure of “You Belong With Me” (Kanye be damned). “The Best Day” is an ode to family that so rarely surfaces in a culture fixated on heterosexual love songs, and “Fifteen” sighed and soared like everyone’s freshman year always did (or should). “White Horse” and “Hey Stephen” made sure a happy ending wasn’t the only story worth telling, and on every single song you can hear how much she just means it. This was pre-writing-lyrics-on-her-arms-Taylor but she was already committed to including multiple costume changes and set pieces.

And for those of us who listened to it in real time, the payoff is bigger. Handling a multiplicity of selves can be difficult for anyone, but for pop stars, a life lived in phases is almost a given. The constant shifting invites a tendency to dismantle what came before, writing off past personas as embarrassing or outdated, whether they are or not (The Old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now). Taylor Swift’s current project — re-recording all her old albums as an act of artistic defiance — is, among other things, an example of an artist reclaiming, naming, and accepting their former selves.

Swiftian lore has created ample narratives around each phase of Taylor’s career, but this is one of the first times the artist herself has so publicly excavated the past, even going so far as to unearth new songs from the eras that didn’t make the cut on original versions of the album. And that kind of insight into the time period is actually part of Swift’s argument for artists to be in control of their music, and own their own masters, the driving force for this whole process. Who else knew “Mr. Perfectly Fine” was the perfect (new) single to reintroduce Fearless to fans? Who else knew Maren Morris and Keith Urban were the ideal guests to reflect the shifting face of country music while honoring the history of those who were hugely influential back when the record came out? (Keith’s 2009 Defying Gravity lost the Grammy for Best Country Album to Fearless that year, though she was his opening act on tour).

Far beyond the minutiae of a banjo lick missing here, or a longer fiddle solo unfolding there, the quiet acceptance and empathy Taylor is showing her 18-year-old self on this do-over is impossible not to hear. Especially as a woman who has gone from golden child to punching bag and back, there is something brave and slightly risky in looking backward. Even after riding high off the success of Folklore and Evermore, reliving the past means eventually reliving the moments when her mistakes or misunderstandings caused the world to turn on her. And if it happened once, what’s to stop it from happening again?

Perhaps that’s why she started the process with an album that self-proclaims exactly what she once was by way of innocence, and has since reclaimed through resilience. It might be impossible to replicate what came before, but by ceding the spotlight to her old self with such open-handed grace, Taylor is doing a lot more for those who grew up with her than just releasing music. That wisdom might be the only truly new element here — and what makes Taylor’s Version worth buying into.

Get Fearless (Taylor’s Version) here.

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That Sound You Hear Is The Dread Of Late Night Studio Audiences Returning

Seth Meyers was a guest on a recent episode of the Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend podcast and Meyers brought up the subject of studio audiences, something most late night shows have been without for over a year now. After doing an obligatory preface about how he likes audiences, Meyers then said, “I’ve got to be honest, it’s been sort of thrilling to do a show without an audience.”

Then Conan O’Brien jumps in to say that by the time the guest has done whatever bit they are doing for the audience’s sake, there’s no time for any substance. And that now, doing interviews in this current setting is, “much more compelling at this stage of my life.”

Both Meyers and Conan make compelling points. Meyers, especially, seems resistant to the return of live audiences and even brought it up again to his guest John Oliver on Monday night’s show, going as far to say if a joke does really well in front of an audience he then doubts himself. (Which I interpreted as meaning, “If it tickles the masses that effectively, we may have done something wrong.”)

That seems like a not great way to run a comedy show. But he’s right, Late Night has been better without an audience. (Frankly, so has Late Show and The Daily Show, we’ll get to those in a bit.) Late Night, especially, has been willing to take more chances and the laughter they do have from the crew gives the whole operation a Tom Snyder feel to it, which never doesn’t seem to delight Meyers. And Meyers’ signature segment, “A Closer Look,” isn’t really a laughter-driven device. When watching from an audience it’s kind of like watching a news broadcast in that there’s no real audience participation anyway. (I’m now imagining Norah O’Donnell having to mingle with an audience after a commercial break.) Also, Meyers looks noticeably happier doing the show without an audience. And the way this current iteration of Late Night is set up works much better without one and obviously Meyers knows it: which is why he seems to be lobbying every other late-night host for support. So when he brings it up to the powers that be at the next big network meeting he can at least say, “See, they agree with me.” Even Wednesday night (honestly after most of this piece was already written), Gayle King asked Seth what it’s like without a studio audience and his answer was, “I’m so happy. I’m so deeply happy.”

This last year has been abysmal pretty much all around, but it’s been a rejuvenation for late night television. It would be easy to say the hosts had to step out of their comfort zones, but there’s more going on here. Well, okay, sure, someone like Jimmy Fallon obviously does not look comfortable without an audience and, frankly, the last year hasn’t been, let’s say, kind to his show. And it’s no surprise he was the first nightly host to jump at the chance to start bringing in a small audience again. Jimmy Kimmel’s show is unique in that he’s kind of positioned his show as a carnival and he’s the ringmaster. And Kimmel has a talent for connecting with a studio audience and with a home audience at the same time, which is probably why he’s had so much success as an Oscar host. But Meyers, Colbert and Trevor Noah all look more comfortable without an audience. It’s like they stepped into their comfort zone, whether they realized that was going to happen or not.

Have you ever been in a late night show’s studio audience? It’s certainly an interesting experience. When I go now it’s “for work,” but when I first moved to New York City back in 2004 I went to quite a few tapings “for fun.” (I put both in quotes because going to a late night show is a pretty fun thing to do for work, but it’s also not really a great thing just to do leisurely for fun.) During my first year in New York I signed up for everything. I went to Letterman three times. I saw Conan’s Late Night. The toughest ticket was The Daily Show, but when I signed up for those I was asked if I wanted to see “Jon’s pal Stephen’s new show.” So I wound up at The Colbert Report’s third show ever. (I would eventually get tickets to The Daily Show after a ten-month wait.)

Though, after a while I remember I started to feel like cattle. A good portion of the people at any given late night taping were just herded off the street. It’s not particularly easy to fill a studio every night. And for the audience member, it’s quite a time commitment. And the point of you being there isn’t that you have a good time. The point of you being there is so it just looks like you’re having a good time so it makes good television. When this airs later that night, it must look like everyone in that theater has just lost their minds because they just found out Josh Duhamel is a guest. Before Letterman started the show you were literally taken to a room and trained how to laugh and clap. And if you didn’t go along with the program, they sent you up to the balcony. It was weird, as you enter the theater they had a person weeding people out. If you had a frown on your face, you wound up in the balcony. Though, Conan’s Late Night didn’t really do this, at least to that level, but it’s also why you could watch Conan and there were jokes no one would laugh at, which actually made for pretty fun television.

So the point of this is, on any given night, you’ve got yourself a room full of people who are, most likely, from out of town and had a few hours to kill so this will do to pass the time. It’s not that they don’t want to be there, but they are at least open to other ideas on how to spend their late afternoon. So now here comes the host who now has to cater to these people instead of just focusing on the millions of people who aren’t in the studio audience and will be watching from home. It becomes jokes for people who maybe aren’t even in the mood for comedy. The dynamic is all thrown off. And this has been proven over the last year as the hosts have had to only concentrate on the home audience. And there’s now a real connection being made, that was, before, lost with jokes for the trained audience. During Conan O’Brien’s podcast, Seth Meyers mentioned how great his sound technicians are. In that, no matter how good or bad the audience reaction is on any given night, on television it all kind of sounds the same. Basically, it’s just a laugh track. And for what Meyers is doing, he doesn’t need a laugh track.

(The one exception to all this is Saturday Night Live. As we saw last year, it doesn’t really work without an audience. For this job, I’ve been in that studio during shows seven times now – yes, who is counting – and it’s such an impossible ticket the audience is almost always amped. No one is just being asked on the street if they want to kill some time and watch Saturday Night Live.)

Now take Colbert for example. Personally, I’m dreading the return of live audiences for late night shows because of Colbert, more than any other host. I used to find his Late Show almost unwatchable. He never looked truly comfortable pandering to an audience as himself. So during interviews he’d take elements of his old “character” for an audience reaction and, frankly, sometimes come off as a jerk. He’s a sketch performer at heart. He wants that audience reaction as a sketch performer. He’s never looked comfortable as just a “host.”

But now, with just him and a camera (and often his wife, who provides him with a terrific sidekick and his own crew laughter), he’s transformed himself into our pal Stephen. It’s like he’s giving nightly fireside chats. If he’s still playing a character, it’s just as our nighttime buddy. And he’s become must watch television for me. And without worrying about his audience that just came in off the street, his interviews have been much more engaged. He’s now listening to what his guests are saying and reacting, as opposed to worrying about getting a laugh from the people in his audience who probably just want to make it to their reservation at Johnny Utah’s on time. This last year Colbert has become engaged. He’s better doing it like this, just speaking into the camera. Maybe for the first time in his career he comes off like a real person. And like Colbert, Trevor Noah also has an uncanny ability to connect to his home audience when he’s not worried about the studio audience. I can personally feel a connection. And over the last year that connection has become important. There was and is truly a feeling of, “Hey, we are in this together.”

It’s just really remarkable that over the last year, the late night shows got stripped of the bells and whistles that kind of conformed their shows into a bit of a mass jumble of sameness. But the pandemic forced these shows to kind of only be the pure concentrate of their personalities. And for a lot of them, it made them and their shows better. Envelopes were pushed. Personalities developed. It became something raw. It felt like whatever we are going through, well here are some real people who will help us through. And look, studio audiences aren’t a one size fits all proposition. Some hosts are better with them but some are clearly better without. And, I fear, as soon as the in-studio audiences come back (and let me be clear, I am under no presumption that anything can really stop that) all our new pals will start playing for them again, the people who don’t really care, as opposed to us.

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.

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The ‘Shazam! Fury Of The Gods’ Director Jokingly ‘Leaked’ The Sequel’s Ending On Reddit

In a fun little gag to get fans pumped for Shazam! Fury of the Gods, the upcoming sequel to the 2019 film starring Zachary Levi that became a surprise hit for the DC Extended Universe, director David F. Sandberg “leaked” the film’s ending on Reddit. Sandberg uploaded a video of a random employee walking through an office before stumbling upon the script for the Shazam! sequel just sitting out in the open. The person then flips to the very last scene, offering a brief glimpse of the final scene just as the video goes dark. Via Total Film:

The fake script ends with Billy Batson, Freddy Freeman, and their adopted siblings Mary Bromfield and Eugene Choi, in the abandoned Hall of Justice. Billy finds Batman’s cowl on the ground, and ends the film by saying: “I guess the real Justice League was the friends we made along the way.” Mary’s line of dialogue is simply “I am Mary,” which is probably a play on “I am Groot,” considering Eugene can understand what she means.

You can check out the “leaked” script for Shazam! Fury of the Gods below:

After the pandemic threw the film world into disarray, the Shazam! sequel is seemingly back on track. Lucy Liu was recently added to the cast and will reportedly team up with Helen Mirren to take on Levi’s Shazam/Billy Batson. Liu will play Kalypso, the sister of Helen Mirren’s villainous character Hespera. To commemorate Liu’s addition to the cast, Sandberg tweeted a photo of the actress from Kill Bill: Vol. 1, but with Levi’s severed head edited in. A little dark for the family friendly-ish film series, but still pretty funny.

Shazam: Fury of the Gods smashes into theaters on June 2, 2023.

(Via Total Film)

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Is Being Mocked After Challenging AOC To A Debate And Being Flat-Out Ignored

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is damn good at Twitter. She can be absolutely vicious, as with her recent takedown of Ted Cruz, and (to paraphrase the great Kenny Rogers) she also knows when to hold ’em… and when to walk away… and when it’s best to never engage at all. AOC appears to have chosen the latter tactic with Rep. Marjorie Taylor-Greene (R-GA), who is very enthused about the idea of stepping on a stage together to talk about the Green New Deal that’s neither supported nor understood by both Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) and Greene herself.

Greene, of course, very publicly made the call to her prospective rival. “.@AOC I’d like to challenge you to a debate on the Green New Deal economic policy,” she tweeted. Since you sponsored the Green New Deal and have a degree in Economics, I’m sure you are more than qualified.”

Oh boy. Greene continued to energetically fire off tweets, including how this would be an event “for the people,” and Greene (who proposed details on moderators and so on) appeared to believe that AOC would truly take her up on this offer.

AOC didn’t say anything, and who knows if she had even seen the tweets, but Greene continued nonetheless while continuing to @ AOC and declaring, “[P]eople are excited about our debate about the Green New Deal economic policy!” The anti-vaxxing, anti-trans troll then declared that this should be a “pay per view style” vote, and they should split the proceeds, and wow, this is actually growing hard to witness.

Still no response from AOC emerged, and although someone had undoubtedly texted her or otherwise informed her of the one-sided trainwreck going down, AOC did not engage. Good for her, and bad for MTG, who was the subject of mockery for her cheerleading session that went ignored.

Yep, silence really does speak volumes.

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Vince Staples Explains His Reluctance To Call Animal Control To Handle Home Pests

Vince Staples‘ worldview has been pretty cleared laid out over the course of his short but critically-hailed catalog. But in the midst of a global pandemic, it appears that his worldview is evolving, as he details for comedian and TV show host Desus Nice in a new interview in GQ. The Long Beach rapper reveals that he’s had to revamp his outlook; he’s taking more time off, he reexamining his musical approach, and he’s enjoying being a homeowner.

But there’s one thing that won’t change; his reluctance to call the police, which even extends to his home pest problems. As he explains through a hilarious anecdote:

It’d be animals outside, and I didn’t think of that. When I bought a house, I got a yard. And something wanna live in it, and you’re going to have to get it out. And with me, it’s like, “All right. You mind your business, I’ll mind my business.” But the animals be getting a little too close to the house sometimes. You know what I mean? I remember there was like a giant rodent. I don’t even know what it was, but it was by the south side, by the garage. I just had to leave it there. And man, I kept calling people to try to take it out of there for like five, seven hours.

And then they told me to call animal control, and animal control is controlled by the police department. And Black people feel a way about calling the police to the house. I was scared the whole time. That was my personal hiccup as a homeowner. Eventually, they came to the house to remove the rodent; they was cool. But I was like, “Man, I don’t know if I want you all to come over here and be looking at me like, ‘Oh, look at this n****; he can’t get a rodent out of this house.’” I got to stand strong.

Of course, the real punchline is: Long Beach’s Animal control is actually under the parks department.

Elsewhere in the interview, Vince details the difference between online console gaming communities, things he’s learned from rap mentors like Snoop Dogg and Nipsey Hussle, and shares a few of his comeback plans, which include a Netflix television show and a new album titled Ramona Park Broke My Heart. You can read the full interview here.

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LaMarcus Aldridge Announced His Sudden Retirement From The NBA Due To An Irregular Heartbeat

Brooklyn Nets big man LaMarcus Aldridge announced that his NBA career has come to an end. In a statement posted to his Twitter account on Thursday morning, Aldridge revealed that he played the Nets’ game on Sunday against the Los Angeles Lakers with an irregular heartbeat, which led to him going to the hospital.

While Aldridge says he is doing better following that scare, he’s made the decision to retire from the NBA after 15 seasons, writing that “it is time to put my health and family first.”

The No. 2 pick in the 2006 NBA Draft by the Chicago Bulls, who subsequently traded him on Draft night, Aldridge had a productive career as a member of the Portland Trail Blazers, the San Antonio Spurs, and the Nets, which he joined after the Spurs bought out his contract last month. A seven-time All-Star selection, Aldridge was revered for being one of the most smooth and effortlessly dominant big men of his generation, averaging 19.4 points and 8.2 rebounds in his career. He looked a snug fit on the Nets’ roster and was expected to add some frontcourt scoring punch to their rotation, but only ended up playing five games.

Aldridge has dealt with heart issues in the past, having been diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome in 2007. As Jeff Stotts of InStreetClothes noted, he’s undergone multiple procedures related to this during his career.

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Greta Van Fleet Bring Their Rock Theatrics To ‘Kimmel’ With A Performance Of ‘Heat Above’

Classic rock revivalists Greta Van Fleet have a new album, The Battle At Garden’s Gate, dropping tomorrow. Ahead of then, the group stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night for a rendition of album highlight “Heat Above.” For the performance, the band took to a white space, lit in monochromatic tones as they busted out an energetic rendition of the soaring track.

The band’s Sam Kiszka previously said of the song, “There’s plenty of love left in this world, even though it may not seem like it. And that’s what ‘Heat Above’ is about, rising to the stars together.”

In a recent interview, Josh Kiszka offered his thoughts about the criticism his band receives, saying, “Some people are writing their articles in their mother’s basement and they’re pissed off that we’re doing something. If your career is writing negative things about people, I would think you’d have something better to do. If you drop flaming nitrous in someone’s lap, I think they’ll notice. It’s a sign that we’ve done something to arouse people in some way or other.”

Watch Greta Van Fleet perform “Heat Above” on Kimmel above.

The Battle At Garden’s Gate is out 4/16 via Republic. Pre-order it here.

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Why Is Everyone So Mean To Greta Van Fleet?

Most of the time, I make a living as a professional music critic. But occasionally, a higher calling takes precedence. In these moments, I must function as a kind of defense attorney for music that is widely maligned. As Atticus Finch once said, “The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.” Like Atticus, I am morally bound to defend those who have been piled on by my peers.

Enter Greta Van Fleet, the most critically reviled young rock band in America.

Not since Nickelback has there been a popular group that’s been so easy for the press to pick on. Even when their coverage is nominally positive, the music of Greta Van Fleet still garners comparisons to an “ejaculating hyena.” If you’ve heard even a minute of their music, it’s easy to understand why this is the case. To say that Greta Van Fleet is extremely derivative of old-school and very unfashionable 1970s arena rock doesn’t go nearly far enough. This band ransacks the hesher canon with an unbridled, reckless enthusiasm that makes Paul Stanley look like King Krule. They make music for people whose rock nostalgia was shaped by their coked-out uncles blasting Houses Of The Holy before Thanksgiving dinner. Greta Van Fleet is a lot, is what I’m saying.

Singer Josh Kiszka has been endlessly likened to Robert Plant, but he actually sounds more like Geddy Lee screaming at his misbehaving kids in the backseat during a family road trip. (I am also workshopping this comparison: “Like Jim Carrey belting Iron Maiden’s ‘Run To The Hills’ at the drunkest karaoke night of all time.”) Both of Greta Van Fleet’s two full-length albums, including the forthcoming The Battle At Garden’s Gate, can be broadly described as concept records about how — I’m quoting Kiszka here — “we are all sort of interconnected and reside in a global community.” What this means is that Greta Van Fleet songs tend to be set “on the road” or perhaps in a desert. And they typically involve life-or-death tangles with the devil in the midst of something called “the age of Caravel.” At the climax of these sprawling epics, important questions are pondered, such as, “Are we prisoners or are renegades?” The sort of tunes you would expect from Dave Grohl if he suffered a massive head injury. Or Jack Black if he had no sense of irony.

In case it’s not already apparent, I had a blast typing the preceding paragraphs. Yes, Greta Van Fleet is very dumb. But they are also dumb fun. I thoroughly enjoy thinking and writing about this band. On occasion, I even like listening to them. But even if they didn’t have some genuine jams — more on that in a moment — I truly couldn’t comprehend hating a band this exuberantly ludicrous, especially at a time when so much of the indie-rock world is humorless and devoid of silly-for-silly’s-sake outrageousness. To paraphrase the fake Lester Bangs in Almost Famous, there are so many buffoons in modern music posing as poets. But Greta Van Fleet has the courage to be buffoons, which makes them poetic.

Let’s get all valid criticisms of The Battle At Garden’s Gate out of the way right now. For starters, it’s an exhausting listen. At 12 songs stretching for nearly 65 minutes, it would be three times as good if it were at least one-third shorter. Also: Somebody please play these boys side two of Led Zeppelin III. A couple of acoustic ballads would break up the series of MONOLITHIC ROCK GOD ANTHEMS that unfurl mercilessly upon the listener. As it is, there are no dynamics on this album. It’s all massive ponderousness. By the end, your head will feel like Bonzo’s snare drum during a marathon “Moby Dick.”

One more thing: There’s a climate change allegory called “Tears Of Rain” that is almost as preposterous as that title. Actually, is that a criticism? To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed poring over a lyric sheet this much. I love the part in “Heat Above” when Kiszka sings, like a protagonist in an Ed Wood film, “We do not fight for war / but to save the lives of those who do so.” Like I said, poetry.

In a recent interview with The Guardian, Kiszka defended his lyrics. “I want people to lean into things that are challenging,” he said, whatever that means, while pushing back in general against criticisms of his band. But all you have to do is listen to The Battle At Garden’s Gate to understand that Greta Van Fleet has doubled down on everything detractors and defenders alike find ridiculous about them. This album is even more overblown, more bombastic, and just plain more than their 2018 full-length debut, Anthem Of The Peaceful Army.

It’s also kind of better. What’s legitimately undersold about Greta Van Fleet is that the instrumentalists — guitarist Jake Kiszka, bassist Sam Kiszka, and drummer Danny Wagner — are capable of kicking up a pretty enjoyable racket that hits the pleasure centers of prog-blooze aficionados with ruthless Pavlovian consistency. The drone-rock riff of “My Way, Soon” displays their knack for crunchy melody, while “Trip The Light Fantastic” musters up some real majesty in the record’s surprisingly powerful closing stretches. Elsewhere, they utilize songwriting and production ringer Greg Kurstin to inject some pop smarts into the hysterical melodrama of “Light My Love,” which sounds like Axl Rose singing a Celine Dion power ballad on the hull of the Titanic as it is set ablaze by dragons.

Call me a pushover, but I don’t detect any smarm in these songs. Greta Van Fleet is frequently misguided, and they unquestionably commit numerous sins against good taste anytime they strap on their Gibson guitars and fringe suede jackets. But they are also guileless, even naive, and I find that endearing. They actually mean all of this hogwash! The whispered accusations about Greta Van Fleet being some cynical industry plant have never rung true to me. In what universe is this considered a can’t-miss proposition in the contemporary music world? It overlooks the utter strangeness of Greta Van Fleet even existing in 2021. Mainstream hard rock — which covers everything from Zeppelin to Van Halen to Appetite For Destruction and Metallica’s “black” album — once ranked among the most commercially successful genres on the planet. Greta Van Fleet is trying to insert themselves in that continuum, even though it doesn’t really exist anymore.

Besides, it’s not as if these guys are toxic. There are no sexist “mud shark”-style antics, no appropriation of music by marginalized musicians without credit or financial compensation, no discomforting bulbous shapes protruding from tight denim pants. Instead, as Josh Kiszka howls on “Age Of Machine” — this one is an allegory about the internet — Greta Van Fleet are simply interested in providing “some healin’” to riff-starved patrons. They are harmless himbos.

Here is my closing statement: These guys are not geniuses. But they are essentially good-natured, and they make me laugh — unintentional laughs are still laughs — and I’m glad there’s a band like this in our lives right now. My only request is that they write a song called “Ejaculating Hyena” and have it go on for at least 12 minutes.

The Battle At Garden’s Gate is out tomorrow via Republic. Get it here.