Month: May 2021

Motherhood is a journey unlike any other, and one that is nearly impossible to prepare for. No matter how many parenting books you read, how many people you talk to, how many articles you peruse before having kids, your children will emerge as completely unique creatures who impact your world in ways you could never have anticipated.

Those of us who have been parenting for a while have some wisdom to share from experience. Not that older moms know everything, of course, but hindsight can offer some perspective that’s hard to find when you’re in the thick of early motherhood.

Upworthy asked our readers who are moms what they wish they could tell their younger selves about motherhood, and the responses were both honest and wholesome. Here’s what they said:

Lighten up. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

One of the most common responses was to stop worrying about the little things so much, try to be present with your kids, and enjoy the time you have with them:

“Relax and enjoy them. If your house is a mess, so be it. Stay in the moment as they are temporary..more so than you think, sometimes. We lost our beautiful boy to cancer 15+yrs ago. I loved him more than life itself.. “- Janet

“Don’t worry about the dishes, laundry and other chores. Read the kids another book. Go outside and make a mud pie. Throw the baseball around a little longer. Color another picture. Take more pictures and make sure you are in the pictures too! My babies are 19 and 17 and I would give anything to relive an ordinary Saturday from 15 years ago.” – Emma H.

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“Spend more time just listening, even when what they say is the same thing over and over again! Some of my funniest memories were conversations I had with my kiddos…sad to think I may have missed something because I was so distracted with other things.” – Mysti R.

“Relax a little. You don’t need to spend every moment terrified. I wish I had known they were going to become responsible, productive adults so I could have just enjoyed their childhood.” – Amy S.

“I wish I had learned to pick my battles when my kids were younger. You want to wear that same super hero outfit 3 days in a row? Fine. As long as you wash and brush your teeth. *Now, as a grandma, this is the advice I give my daughter most often. Stop stressing about all the little things.” – Debbie P.

“It’s almost never, EVER as big of a deal as you think it is. The spills, the broken things, the bickering, the pickiness at dinner time…. it’s going to be fine. Chill.” – Becca L.

“Spend more time making good memories and let the little mistakes be ignored. The housework and laundry will still be there. If they ask you to do something, do it now, before they don’t ask anymore because they have things to do with their friends. Love them, hug them and tell them you love them often!” – Diane S.

Take care of yourself, psychologically and physically.

There are a couple of angles here that are important for moms. One is to get help with your own childhood traumas because they’ll definitely become apparent to you when you have kids of your own.

“Go to therapy and work on those childhood traumas before having kids.” – Melissa P.

“Generational trauma is real! Take some classes! Work on yourself before you have kids.” – Cherry S.

And two, don’t ignore your own needs. It’s okay to take time for basic self-care.

“Put the baby down, let her cry a bit, go to the bathroom, take a shower, change your clothes, eat something healthy and she’ll still grow up to be normal.” – Chetna F.

Don’t let the “enjoy every moment” advice derail you.

One of the most common refrains moms of young kids hear from older moms is “Enjoy every second! It goes by so fast!” and many of the commenters in our post said just that. The problem is it’s not really possible to enjoy every second of motherhood, and it doesn’t feel like it goes by fast when you’re in the thick of it. For moms who are deep in the adorable but messy, sleep-deprived, relentless baby and toddler stage, “enjoy every moment” is not always helpful advice, even if it’s coming from a place of knowing how quickly it passes.

These comments provided a nice balanced approach to this advice, acknowledging that the days are long but the years are short:

“‘Don’t wish away their childhoods.’ My mother-in-law said this to me. I remember always thinking it will be easier when they can sit up, walk, read on their own….and so on…because it was so ‘busy’ raising 3 kids who were so close in age. Now they are all grown up and have moved away to their own lives and it certainly is not ‘busy’ here anymore. Miss those days.” – Karen R.

“Yes, enjoy the time, as it goes by so fast; however, be patient with yourself as you are only human. If you are doing what is best for your child, and are trying to parent in a loving, responsible manner, no one is able to do it perfectly. Be patient with yourself as well as your kiddos.” – Judy N.

“Unpopular opinion, it’s ok to not enjoy every moment. Some of the moments of motherhood are hard, like gut wrenching, soul sucking, exhaustingly hard. And it’s ok to not enjoy those moments. Do enjoy the giggles, the smiles, the milestones, the growth, the hugs, the kisses, the sweet sound of their voices, but don’t feel guilty for not enjoying every minute. ” – Nicole W.

Real talk—it’s actually wicked hard sometimes.

Some moms wished they could tell themselves that it would be harder than they thought and that it’s okay to talk about that. So often, moms feel like they can’t talk about the hard parts because of course we love our children and what kind of mother complains about the precious gift of motherhood?

While we share the immense, intense joy that often accompanies motherhood, we also should be real about the less-than-magical experiences as well. The exhaustion alone—phew. And when you have a particularly challenging phase—or a particularly challenging child—motherhood is not all sunshine and roses.

“All the things that were ‘hidden’ or ‘unspoken’ about motherhood… how hard it would all be, that it is not automatic magic and joy, that conception doesn’t just happen, how real postpartum depression is, and how misleading it is to pretend everything is perfect and you couldn’t be happier (and how much shame we carry because it isn’t).” – Rachel J.

“Exactly what my mother told me… You are going to be tired for the rest of your life .” – Francesca A.

“It’s the most exhausting underappreciated, and beautiful thing you’ll ever do in your life.” – Kathleen G.

Take photos. Keep the goal in mind. Pace yourself. You’re doing great.

There were so many great tidbits of wisdom—here are a few to tuck in your pocket:

“Take pictures with your kids, not of them. These are the photos they will cherish and pass down for generations.” – Teresa C.

“Try to remember that the goal is to raise adults, not eternal children, so encourage their creativity, their independence, their empathy for others, their kindness.” – Louise W.

“It is everything you wish for and nothing you expected. Enjoy sleeping in now cause later you’re not gonna want to miss a beat. Motherhood is a marathon not a sprint. Be good to you. ” – Karytza M.

“I would say slow down and take it all in. Relax, things don’t need to be perfect and everything will work out. Your baby WILL sleep, you won’t lose your mind (much ) and it will be in the past sooner than you realize and you can’t get it back so do your best to enjoy the beautiful moments. And you’re doing GREAT!” – Tusha W.

You are doing great, mamas. Keep calm (or at least try to) and carry on.

On Tuesday, a video went viral of a youth football tackling drill that saw one of the young players get violently taken to the ground on a helmet-to-helmet hit and was clearly shaken up. The prompt on the video was “are they too young to be doing this drill?” and what resulted was a number of former NFL stars taking to task the coaches that allowed this drill to happen, where the much smaller child in the orange pants is put in a terrible position.

Among those who called out the drill for being terrible and a “set up” was James Harrison, who no one would be confused with being a soft football player, who explained that things like this were exactly why he wouldn’t let his kids play football until he could be there to ensure drills and practices were safe and teaching proper fundamentals.

On Wednesday, the NFL released a statement, courtesy of Jonathan Jones of CBS Sports who pointed out that the drill in question seemed to be from a suburb of Charlotte, decrying the “abhorrent” nature of the video and pointing out how the league has tried to take steps to teach better coaching practices in youth football specifically to avoid such things from happening.

The drill is the exact scenario football has been trying to limit in recent years as more information about the dangers of head injuries has come out, and it is particularly dangerous at the youth football levels where you do end up with these dramatic size differences among kids even at the same age level. For the coaches of a team to put one of their kids in a dangerous position like this drew the rightful ire of many, including plenty from the NFL, and it shows that there’s still a lot of work to be done at all levels of football to change the culture of embracing unnecessary violence in the sport.

The WNBA season will tip-off on Friday, May 14 with four games that will also double as the first games in the inaugural WNBA Commissioner’s Cup, a first half of the season competition that will see the two teams with the best records in their 10 cup games (that are also regular season games) face off in a championship game on August 12 in Phoenix after the Olympic break with a $500,000 prize pool on the line.

The league released the full details of the Commissioner’s Cup on Wednesday, with the format, prize pool breakdown, and the announcement of a broadcast partnership with Amazon that will include exclusivity on 16 games per season, including nine Cup games and the championship game on Prime Video.

The format of the competition is fairly simple, each of the 12 teams will have their first home and away games against in-conference foes serve as their 10 Cup games, with all games coming between the May 14 start date and the July 11 end of the first half going into Olympic break. Cup games are now denoted by the Commissioner’s Cup logo on the WNBA’s schedule. The team with the best record in those 10 games from each conference will face each other in the championship game in Phoenix in a non-regular season contest prior to the return of the second half of the season.

As for the prize pool breakdown, players on the winning team will get at least $30,000, with the rest of the pool going to players on the runners-up and a $5,000 bonus for the championship game MVP.

The title game on Aug. 12, which will refocus the spotlight on WNBA stars prior to the resumption of regular-season action for all 12 teams on Sunday, Aug. 15, will see players vie for a piece of the $500,000 prize pool. Members of the winning team will be able to earn in excess of $30,000 per player, while those on the runner-up team will have an opportunity to earn $10,000 per player. An additional $5,000 will be awarded to the MVP of the Commissioner’s Cup Championship Game.

The Cup’s creation is the fulfillment of the league’s promise in the last CBA negotiations to add more earning opportunities for players, as well as sponsorship possibilities for the league. For some players on their rookie scale deals, being on the winning team could mean more than a 50 percent salary bonus, which is a significant deal.

Like his teammate LeBron James, Lakers forward Anthony Davis also will not play on Wednesday against the Rockets. Per ESPN’s Dave McMenamin, Davis “experienced tightness in his groin last night” when the Lakers played the Knicks.

Davis played 43 minutes on Tuesday in Los Angeles’ 101-99 overtime win over New York, scoring 20 points and pulling down six rebounds in the process. Heading into Wednesday, the Lakers are still seventh in the Western Conference — and thus in the play-in tournament — and a game back of the sixth-seeded Mavericks. Both the Lakers and Mavericks have three games left in the season and both are in action on Wednesday.

It would seem that, by resting Davis, the Lakers are choosing to play it extremely safe with him and James. And that makes sense. They will be overwhelming favorites to make it out of the play-in tournament. Even if they face the likely second-seeded Suns in the first round as the seventh seed, they might still be favorites to go out of that series assuming their two stars are healthy.

Still: It’s interesting to see them not go all-out in pursuit of the sixth seed or even the fifth seed. (The Mavericks and Blazers are both 40-29 with Portland owning the tiebreaker.) It would seem they are picking health over best seeding possible based on Davis and James both out after dealing with injuries this year.

Also worth noting is that the Rockets are the worst team in the league by record and fourth-worst by net rating. The Lakers can probably beat them even without their two best players. But with no Davis and no James, it lessens Los Angeles’ chances of getting a win it probably needs to get out of play-in tournament.

Maybe, though, that’s a deliberate choice anyway considering a 3-6 matchup would mean getting the Clippers in round one. Maybe the play-in tournament and the Suns are what the Lakers see as the less of two evils.

Canadian singer-songwriter Elissa Mielke makes the kind of ethereal indie-folk that fully envelops you and feels like a world unto itself. Her new EP, Finally, is due later this week, and is a reflection of love and loss channeled through sparse, dramatic arrangements that revolve around a piano and Mielke’s captivating voice.

Ahead of the new EP, Mielke sat down to talk Bill Withers, The Royal Tenenbaums, and trusting your intuition in the latest Indie Mixtape 20 Q&A.

What are four words you would use to describe your music?

diary of secular hymns.

It’s 2050 and the world hasn’t ended and people are still listening to your music. How would you like it to be remembered?

I’d want them to remember it for how it made them feel; and hope that would be a feeling of connection or knowing that they’re not alone in the universe. Although, 2050 – maybe they are the last people on earth?

What’s your favorite city in the world to perform?

I sang in India at a cafe once and it was a beautiful experience. In my personal experience, people are so respectful of live performance there. It’s really cool.

Who’s the person who has most inspired your work, and why?

My Omi, who raised me. She thought it was awful that I was an artist and thought making music was dangerous – but that made it even more sacred to me. She also secretly loved when I sang, I could hear her listening through the door, even if she had to openly disapprove. We loved each other so much and I’m grateful for her influence— even though it was unconventional.

Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

I used to live in Tokyo and once went to this treehouse cafe in Koenji, and just pointed to a picture on the menu to order, I still have no idea what it was. You pulled the food up the tree on a string! I think cheese was involved? With a pancake? Maybe a fish? It was amazing.

What album do you know every word to?

My dad makes folk music and sings hymns and he’d play them every night when I fell asleep. I know them all like my own hands.

What was the best concert you’ve ever attended?

My friend Michael took a bus for 5 hours in a snowstorm as a surprise to see me play a show when I was 16. He made us stay for the very last performer of the set. A guy in his late 60s who played real quiet and weird, and was so nervous. Just Mike, me, my friend Caro, and my Dad listening to this guy at 3am in The Savannah Room in Toronto (now closed). It was perfect. Mike died unexpectedly a week later and it took me a while to see another show because I wanted it to be the last show I remembered as long as possible.

What is the best outfit for performing and why?

Ideally naked but that’s not allowed most places. One piece worksuits are a close second!

Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

@thesessioniglive does these Instagram Lives where he takes these iconic albums and breaks them down to the stems. Like just the bass from Jackson 5 or Sade’s dry vocals. It’s so amazing and always makes me fall in love with music again.

What’s your most frequently played song in the van on tour?

“Oh Honey” by Delegation. Best song for driving slow into a new town with the windows down “ohhhh honeyyy.”

What’s the last thing you Googled?

Oh it was SO boring. I’m studying production so I spend a lot of time on reddit researching plugins and trying to understand technical problems.

What album makes for the perfect gift?

Bill Withers- Just As I Am.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever crashed while on tour?

Under a table in a field, when a bar of chocolate turned out to not just be a normal chocolate bar if you know what I mean.

What’s the story behind your first or favorite tattoo?

I have given several people some questionable stick and poke tattoos and I’m pleased about that because they’re all on women who I love. I don’t have any myself but am thinking I’ll get a full body tattoo when I’m 75 just to keep the grandkids guessing.

What artists keep you from flipping the channel on the radio?

If every radio station played D’Angelo all day I’d probably listen to the radio a lot more. There was a Bonnie Raitt radio hour I stumbled upon once and that was heaven. I love when there’s a weird passionate old DJ who is just playing weird deep cuts where you want to shazam everything. I found “Hammond Song” by The Roches that way last year.

What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I got really sick last year for a few months, and all these new friends in a new city dropped off groceries, wrote me letters, and would stand under my porch in my quarantine hellscape and make me laugh. It was the most alone, but actually the least lonely I felt all year because of all the kindness. It was really healing.

What’s one piece of advice you’d go back in time to give to your 18-year-old self?

Trust your intuition no matter what anyone older, or wiser, or powerful says — and listen when people tell you who they are.

What’s the last show you went to?

To see my friend Donovan Woods play at the Troubadour. I drank beer and cried. It was nice.

What movie can you not resist watching when it’s on TV?

The Royal Tenenbaums.

What would you cook if Obama were coming to your house for dinner?

Oh wow! I’m excited. Ricotta gnocchi, roasted fish, salad with every beautiful vegetable, cakes! I’d get carried away. I like cooking. I’m going to start the dinner playlist right away too.

Finally is out May 14. Pre-order it here.

Following the events of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (spoilers coming in like a soaring Avenger), Anthony Mackie’s Sam Wilson is officially the new Captain America of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, complete with his own movie coming down the line. As the shield-bearer of the MCU, surely, Mackie will pop up in other films, and with his character now having a direct connection to Wakanda thanks to the Afro-futuristic nation whipping up his new super-suit as a favor to Sebastian Stan’s Bucky, it would track for Mackie’s Cap to make an appearance in Black Panther 2.

When asked if Sam will at least have a fly-by in the sequel, Mackie didn’t exactly say “no.” And like a true American hero, he didn’t pass up a chance to promote getting the COVID vaccine in the process. Via Entertainment Tonight:

“I do have a Wakanda visa, so I can go to Wakanda as much as I want,” the actor laughs. “I have a passport and a Wakanda visa and I’m vaccinated, so I can go to Wakanda.”

Despite jokingly leaving the door open for his Cap to visit Wakanda, Mackie got serious for a moment and made it clear that he wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize honoring Chadwick Boseman’s legacy. “You just want to do everything the right way,” Mackie said about his Cap appearing in Black Panther 2, which is an awkward position of being without a star. “I don’t know what that answer is. I don’t know what that right thing is. I just want to make sure that it’s done right for him.”

(Via Entertainment Tonight)

Last May, when the Northern California city of Santa Rosa announced they were temporarily putting up 70 socially distanced tents for people experiencing homelessness in the parking lot of the Finley Community Center—a popular park and aquatic complex where families regularly gather for recreation—residents of the upscale neighborhood revolted.

According to the Los Angeles Times, some of the commentary from the hundreds of people who complained about the proposed ‘tent city’ included:

“Will there be a list of everybody who decided to do this to us and our park, in case we want to vote them out?”

“This is a family neighborhood.”

“How can we feel safe using our park?”

Residents’ concerns included the potential for crime, drug use, trash, and disease—all things that the city would directly address in the project. But notable in the exchange between leaders and residents is that the officials weren’t asking residents for permission to create the camp; they were simply informing them they were doing it.

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City Council Member Tom Schwedhelm, who served as mayor at the time, told the Times that his mindset at the time was, “Go ahead and vote me out. You want to shout at me and get angry? Go ahead. It’s important for government to listen, but the reality is these are our neighbors, so let’s help them.”

County Supervisor James Gore concurred. “We know we’re pissing off a lot of people — they’re rising up and saying, ‘Hell, no!'” he said. “But we can’t just keep saying no. That’s been the failed housing policy of the last 30 to 40 years. Everybody wants a solution, but they don’t want to see that solution in their neighborhoods.”

So, the city proceeded. They addressed resident concerns by deploying police officers and security guards on-site for 24/7 patrols. They brought in portable toilets, hand-washing stations, and showers for people sheltering in the tents. They partnered with Catholic Charities to provide meals and to engage camp residents in beautification projects around the neighborhood. (In exchange for picking up trash, camp residents would receive gift cards to stores like Target or Starbucks.)

The residents pretty quickly came around. Families continued to use the park’s facilities and began to bring donations such as food, clothing, and hand sanitizer for their neighbors staying in the encampment. A mobile clinic served the camp a few times a week, bringing basic health care and medications as well as screening for COVID-19.

While struggling to deal with unruly, make-shift encampments that inevitably pop up in and around the city, officials decided to try a proactive, purposeful approach in providing safe tent shelters and helpful services for people experiencing homelessness. And the results speak for themselves.

Some who made use of the site found that having access to medical care, sanitation, and meaningful service enabled them to start turning their life around. Some found jobs or got to a place where they could look for a job. Of the 208 people served at the site during its run, 12 were moved into permanent housing and nearly five dozen were placed in shelters while they await housing openings. Homelessness is a complex issue without simple fixes, but having safe shelter and basic services is sometimes enough to restore a person’s sense of hope and dignity.

And the Finley Park residents who were originally outraged at the idea? They changed their tune as their fears proved unfounded. There was no violent behavior at the site; all of the police calls during the seven months were in response to additional people trying to utilize the camp when it was already at capacity.

When the city closed the site as originally promised in November, they asked residents for their feedback. Only three or four people called in with commentary, and they only had positive things to say.

Boyd Edwards, who plays pickleball at the Finley Community Center, told the Times, “I was amazed I never saw anything negative at all.”

“I thought they were going to be noisy and have crap all over the place,” added his friend Joseph Gernhardt. “Now, they can have it all year-round for all I care.”

Plans are indeed in the works for similar sites to be established year-round in several neighborhoods, but this time with hardened housing structures. With homelessness an ongoing reality everywhere—but an especially visible issue in high-priced Northern California—governments must explore ways to help people get what they need. Santa Rosa officials took a risk by moving forward with a project that was unpopular with constituents at first, but which proved to be a positive way to address the issue.

As Sacramento mayor Darrell Steinberg said, according to the Times, “The problem with our approach is that every time we seek to build a project, there is a neighborhood controversy. Our own constituents say, ‘Solve it, but please don’t solve it here,’ and we end up experiencing death by a thousand cuts.”

Everyone wants something done about homelessness, but few people want it done in their own backyards. In a bold move, Santa Rosa officials simply rejected that reality and pressed onward despite complaints, in a gamble that pretty clearly paid off for everyone.

LeBron James has missed the last five games after aggravating his sprained right ankle that kept him out for more than a month in March and April. The Lakers have been able to tread water at 3-2 without James in this most recent absence, with all three wins being impressive ones over strong playoff teams in the Nuggets, Suns, and Knicks.

Anthony Davis is playing some of his best basketball of the season during this stretch, and the expectation was for James to make his return on Wednesday night for banner night at Staples Center against the Houston Rockets. However, word emerged on Wednesday afternoon that was unlikely to be the case, with LeBron confirming the news on his Twitter account shortly after Chris Haynes of Yahoo reported he wasn’t likely to play.

As LeBron notes, he’s going to be front and center to raise that banner, the 17th for the Lakers and first of James’ tenure in L.A. However, it does beg the question of just how severe James’ injury is and how much pain he’s still dealing with as the playoffs and the play-in are rapidly approaching. Anthony Davis had said LeBron looked great in practices and given that the Rockets are one of the league’s worst teams, there’s a good chance that L.A. can win this game without James and without too much stress. Still, given that it’s banner night, you know James wanted to be out there, but the chase for a fifth ring supersedes his desire to put on a show for the fans on their delayed celebration of last year’s title.

All that matters is that LeBron is able to be a full go come playoff time, and if that means he doesn’t return until Saturday against the Pacers (or later), the Lakers will be as cautious as possible to make sure he’s ready to give it 100 percent come the postseason.

Victor Oladipo’s 2020-21 season has come to an end. According to the Miami Heat, Oladipo, who the team acquired at the trade deadline from the Houston Rockets, needs to undergo surgery on his right quadriceps tendon, which will take place on Thursday in New York.

It is a heartbreaking turn of events for Oladipo, who tore the same quad back in Jan. 2019 when he was a member of the Indiana Pacers. In that time, the All-Star guard briefly returned to Indiana for a spell in the 2019-20 season before finding himself on the move several times this year. The Pacers sent him to Houston in the trade that netted them Caris LeVert, and after 20 games, the Rockets moved him to Miami. He suited up for the Heat for four games before getting sidelined with an injury.

Oladipo has not looked like the All-Star he was before his injury, averaging 19.8 points, 4.8 rebounds, 4.6 assists, and 1.4 steals in 32.7 minutes per game for those three teams while connecting on 40.8 percent of his attempts from the field. To make matters worse, Oladipo is getting this surgery right before he hits unrestricted free agency, and had reportedly turned down contract extensions in Indiana and Houston with an eye on getting a lucrative payday this summer.

After T-Pain found out that he missed out on dozens of conversations with fellow celebrities due to his unawareness of Instagram’s requested DMs folder, he decided to hold a town hall on Instagram Live, inviting Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg to discuss ways to improve the app’s DM feature (Facebook is the parent company of Instagram). T-Pain also brought on many of those whose DMs he missed, finally responding to them on such topics as the various collaborations they’ve worked on and Usher’s upcoming Vegas residency, which had its own viral moment recently.

Explaining why Instagram instituted the request folder, Zuckerberg told T-Pain, “The reason we have the ‘request feature’ is to prevent bullying or spam and other unwanted interactions — to be able to filter that out. Ideally, we should be able to figure out who the other people who might be sending you messages are who should get into that. The feature isn’t quite as advanced today as hopefully, it [will be] in the future.” Pain agreed that it’s a good idea for a multitude of reasons but pointed out how his recent trouble highlighted how sorting out potential spam also caused him to miss messages from famous friends, fans, collaborators, and potential business partners like Diplo, Fergie, Viola Davis, and ESPN.

Over the course of the town hall, T-Pain also teased collaborations with Rich The Kid and Kehlani, playing the latter in entirety and announcing its release this Friday.

You can watch the full livestream via the embedded Instagram post above.