People Are Having A Lot Of Emotional Reactions To A Study That Claims Hot Dogs Take Over A Half Hour Off Your Life

No one ever ate hot dogs because they were watching their figure, but this is ridiculous: A new study weighed the health benefits of over 5,000 foods, rating them by how much time they either take off — or add to — one’s life. And surprise surprise — one of America’s most popular culinary creations (modified, stories go, from the German original) will rob you of days, months, even years: the hot dog.

The report, first shared by the University of Michigan, found foods that ranged from erasing 74 minutes to adding 80. The dangerous foods tended to be sugary drinks, burgers, and (sorry) breakfast sandwiches. A single 85-gram serving of chicken wings nabbed 3.3 minutes, thanks sodium and harmful trans fatty acids.

But not all is bleak. Healthier (and delicious!) foodstuffs, like salted peanuts, baked salmon, and rice with beans added between 10 to 15 minutes. (Mind you, that doesn’t mean one can simply play math whiz and cancel out an unhealthy meal with one that’s good for you. So if you think you can gorge on a burger then down a bunch of peanuts, bringing your life clock back to zero, you’re almost certainly mistaken.)

And then there’s hot dogs. One of those will cost you 36 minutes of life, “largely due to the detrimental effect of processed meat.” (It’s not clear if that’s just a dog and the bun that houses it, or if adding some vegetables, like onions, will dilute its deleterious powers.)

When news of the study, specifically the hot dog business, spread over social media, people had a range of emotions. In fact, some conformed to the Five Stages of Grief model laid out by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. There was denial.

And anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

And acceptance.

Some saw it as a challenge.

Some worried about hot dog eating contest champ Joey Chestnut.

Some were deliberately obtuse about the news.

And some thought about other unhealthy activities.

On the plus side, there’s another simple American culinary invention: the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Not only is that also delicious, it also, as per the study, adds a whopping 33 minutes of life. Throw in some peanuts and you’ve all but atoned for that hot dog.

(Via NY Post)