Month: August 2021

In her Twitter bio, Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) describes herself as a “Christian, Wife, Mom, Small Business Owner, Proud American 100% Pro-Life Pro-Gun Pro-Trump.” She might want to add “conspiracy theorist” to her list of accomplishments (?) after alleging that the New York Times is in cahoots with Twitter to her account suspended.

“I have talked to multiple women who say they miscarried healthy pregnancies after taking the #COVID19 vaccine. Not only miscarriages, but also reporting blood clots and heavy & irregular periods after taking the Experimental Use Covid vaccine. Stop vaccine mandates!” Taylor Greene (who refuses to say whether she’s been vaccinated, but most people believe she is) tweeted on Wednesday. The tweet caught the attention of Times technology reporter Davey Alba, who reached out to the congresswoman.

“Twitter is likely to take enforcement action on Ms. Greene’s account for coronavirus information. It would be her fourth strike, meaning she would have one strike to go before potentially being permanently suspended from the platform. Would Ms. Greene want to respond to this in a statement?” Alba wrote in the email. Taylor Greene was most recently suspended in late July for “violations of the Twitter Rules,” but because she continues to spread dangerous and easily debunked misinformation about COVID, Alba reached out for a statement about a possible permanent suspension. It’s standard procedure — to everyone except MJT, who went full-blown tinfoil hat.

She tweeted, “How would the @nytimes know that my @Twitter account is about to be suspended? My account is NOT suspended. What kind of relationship does the NYT and Twitter have? Do they coordinate suspending people like me and news stories? Is someone paying for that? Why?? Is someone paying for that? Why?” There is no grand conspiracy between the Times and Twitter to ban Taylor Greene — she’s purposefully ignoring the social media platform’s rules, and therefore, will “likely” face the repercussions. I, a dummy, could have told you that. So did many others on Twitter.

(Via Raw Story)

The Philadelphia 76ers made a very funny signing on Tuesday when they brought Andre Drummond in on a minimum deal. It’s not funny from a basketball perspective — Drummond has a chance to help the Sixers solve their years-long issue of things falling off a cliff when Joel Embiid is on the bench.

Instead, it’s a move that caught people off guard because Drummond and Embiid have had some pretty well-documented run-ins over the years, with Embiid seeming to take more joy in clowning Drummond on and off the floor than any other player in the league. But on Thursday, Drummond made clear that he harbors no ill will towards his new teammate, and that he never viewed anything with Embiid as the two beefing.

Drummond went on to say that he’s excited about the opportunity to suit up alongside the MVP candidate the Sixers boast in their frountcourt.

Again, from a basketball perspective, Drummond has the potential to fill a gigantic hole in Philadelphia. For years, the team has struggled to consistently do much of anything when Embiid isn’t playing, and Drummond, for all of his flaws, should be able to give the Sixers someone who can score and rebound in those circumstances. But still, hopefully we get some insight into the kind of trash talk the two exchange during practice, just to make sure the things Drummond says here are true.

Saturday Night Live has an uncanny ability to stay in the news, even when there hasn’t been a new episode in months and won’t be back until the fall. This summer break alone, Cecily Strong has a lead role in the Apple TV+ musical Schmigadoon!; Pete Davidson is a member of Task Force X in James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad; Kate McKinnon is filming a Joe Exotic show; Kenan Thompson and Aidy Bryant were nominated for Emmys; Ego Nwodim joined HBO Max’s Love Life anthology series; Colin Jost has stayed in the headlines because of his Disney-suing wife, Scarlett Johansson; and his Weekend Update co-anchor shared remarkably tone-deaf jokes on social media.

The other cast members and writers (and creator Lorne Michaels) have had a busy off-season, too, but this post isn’t about that — it’s about what an SNL viewer does when there’s no new episodes. If you’re this viewer (me, I’m the viewer), you spend too much time on the show’s YouTube page and sort every video on the channel by views.

I went in thinking a classic like “More Cowbell” (17 million) or “Schweddy Balls” (6.3 million) would be near the top, but I didn’t consider the recency bias. The 20 most popular videos are nearly all from the last six years, when more and more people started consuming the Saturday night show on Sunday morning through viral clips instead of staying up until midnight. So once I got over the shock of “Papyrus” only having 16 million views, I noticed that SNL‘s 10 most-watched videos, all with over 32 million views, can be separated into three categories — with one exception.

The categories: Politics, Pop Culture, and Horniness. Let’s break them down.

Politics

“Black Jeopardy with Tom Hanks” (#3 with 63 million views)

“Black Jeopardy” first aired in 2014 with guest host Louis C.K., but it didn’t become a sensation until its third appearance with Tom Hanks. Both sketches have the same premise — a white person appears on an otherwise all-Black Jeopardy! hosted by Kenan Thompson’s Darnell Hayes, except instead of “Potent Potables,” the categories are “Had That Been Me” and “Aw Hell Naw” — but the Hanks “Black Jeopardy!” debuted in 2016 and things were… different. He even wears a “Make America Great Again” hat in case you didn’t pick up the implication of the dot dot dot. The twist of the sketch is, Hanks’ MAGA guy has more in common with the Black contestants than anyone expected. It’s very good, and the quality plus the timing plus Hanks in Trump apparel make it the third most-viewed SNL sketch. In eighth place is Melissa McCarthy as then-press secretary Sean Spicer. It’s hard to explain why Sookie from Gilmore Girls on a motorized podium took the world by storm in 2017, but it’s hard to explain a lot of things that happened in 2017. It just did. But why these specific political sketches?

“Sean Spicer Press Conference” (#8 with 38 million views)

For “Sean Spicer Press Conference,” it’s in no small part due to Trump-hating the sketch, reportedly because Spicer was played by a woman; it’s a Streisand Effect of the former president not wanting anyone to watch the clip, which of course means everyone will watch the clip. Meanwhile, “Black Jeopardy” appeals to Democrats, Republicans, Jeopardy! viewers, and Tom Hanks fans, which is to say, 99 percent of Americans (“It’s the sketch that always plays hot, even at the read-through,” co-writer Che told Vulture. “It’s very rare that we have a sketch that does that”). The connection to another famous SNL recurring sketch, which I’ll get to in a minute, probably didn’t hurt, either.

Pop Culture

“Spider-Man Kiss” (#4 with 59 million views)

“Star Wars Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base” (#5 with 57 million views)

“SNL40: Celebrity Jeopardy” (#7 with 43 million views)

“New Disney Movie” (#9 with 37 million views)

“Celebrity Jeopardy!” (#10 with 32 million views)

Much of the top-10 is pop culture riffs.

There’s Adam Driver as Star Wars baddie Kylo Ren on Undercover Boss; two Celebrity Jeopardys, one with Burt Reynolds (Norm Macdonald), Sean Connery (Darrell Hammond), Justin Bieber (Kate McKinnon), Christoph Waltz (Taran Killam), Tony Bennett (Alec Baldwin), Matthew McConaughey (Jim Carrey), and Bill Cosby (Kenan Thompson), and another with Kathie Lee Gifford (Kristen Wiig), Tom Hanks (as himself), Sean Connery (Hammond), and Burt Reynolds (Macdonald); The Rock in a gritty reboot of Disney’s Bambi; and a surprising number one (and fourth overall), Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone kissing in character as Spider-Man and Gwen Stacy.

Pop culture parodies have long been SNL‘s bread and butter, but it’s odd that “Spider-Man Kiss” is so popular considering The Amazing Spider-Man and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 are no one’s favorite Spider-Man movies. The sketch doesn’t have an instantly quotable line and it didn’t inspire Halloween costumes, like David S. Pumpkins (20 million views) or Driver’s Matt the radar technician. I guess people just like to see Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone smooch? Which brings me to the final category…

Horniness

“Porn Teacher” (#1 with 79 million)

“Harry Potter: Hermione Growth Spurt” (#2 with 65 million)

It should come as no surprise that the two most-watched videos on SNL‘s official channel are for people who should be on a different website that begins with “You.”

“Porn Teacher” is a porn parody that, in a very 2015 headline, Deadline called a “slutty school teacher bit” with guest host Amy Schumer, while “Harry Potter: Hermione Growth Spurt” is an infamous sketch about Harry and Ron turning into a Tex Avery wolf in front of Hermione, portrayed by then-17-year-old Lindsay Lohan, who returns to Hogwarts from summer vacation with bigger breasts. That’s the joke. It’s one saving grace is Rachel Dratch’s Harry Potter; she should reprise the role in the reboot. Neither sketch is particularly funny and it’s obvious why they’re the most popular videos, but it is funny (or unbearably sad, I don’t know) to imagine a person looking for porn on YouTube.

It reminds me of this tweet:

I hope Hank from Breaking Bad found the “sex gifs” he was looking for. Anyway, these being the most-watched SNL videos was not lost on the top reply for “Porn Teacher,” which reads, “It really says something that the 2 most popular snl videos are this and hermione’s growth spurt.” To quote another viral video (1.8 million views), the internet is for porn.

But wait, that’s only nine videos. Where’s the tenth? In sixth place, with 49 million views, is the one outlier: “Close Encounter,” better known as the Kate McKinnon alien sketch where Ryan Gosling loses it. This could be included in the horniness category, because Ryan Gosling (and McKinnon describing herself as going “full Porky Pig in a drafty dome”), but its success has a more wholesome explanation: it’s funny to watch famous people break. Lorne might hate it, but for everyone else, it’s a delight.

Rudy Giuliani’s star turn in the Borat sequel was apparently not the only Hollywood venture he’s had in recent years. Donald Trump’s basically broke former personal attorney and resident conspiracy theorist was reportedly hard at work on a movie about president Joe Biden that drew some unwanted attention.

According to Mother Jones, Giuliani went digging for dirt on the Bidens along with California businessman George Dickson III. They attempted to produce a movie about Joe and Hunter Biden’s alleged dealings in Ukraine, but things didn’t get very far and may have broken the law in the process:

The would-be producers wanted to help Trump. And they also wanted to make money, people involved in the project said, plotting ways to profit off material they had assembled.

The venture produced no movie, only about 15 minutes of notably low-quality footage. And now the FBI is investigating the project, according to two people Dickson told about the probe.

The investigation appears tied to an ongoing federal probe into whether Giuliani violated foreign lobbying laws by working on behalf of a Ukrainian prosecutor.

Mother Jones reported that the FBI searched Dickson’s home, and they’re apparently investigating the film itself as part of a wider probe of Giuliani in general. The full report on Mother Jones really is something, but considering America’s Mayor has already claimed he’s willing to go to jail for crimes he says he didn’t commit, well, none of this can really be much of a surprise anymore, can it?

(Via Mother Jones)

In a sign of humble graciousness that reflects why he was the center of a well-received fan campaign to become the next permanent host of Jeopardy!, LeVar Burton has responded to reports that the honor of succeeding Alex Trebek will most likely go to Jeopardy! executive producer Mike Richards, who is the frontrunner for the job.

On Thursday morning, Burton tweeted out a message to fans thanking them for their overwhelming support and expressing his happiness with the entire experience even if he (probably) won’t become the new host of Jeopardy! Via Twitter:

I have said many times over these past weeks that no matter the outcome, I’ve won. The outpouring of love and support from family, friends, and fans alike has been incredible! If love is the ultimate blessing and I believe that it is, I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Of course, there were some fired up and passionate reactions to Burton not getting the permanent gig, but the former Reading Rainbow host is clearly choosing to go out gracefully, and his fans would have expected nothing less.

On a bright note, Burton’s short one-week stint did pull in a sizable haul for Reading Is Fundamental. Going back to the ’80s, Burton has been a longtime advocate for childhood literacy, and his Jeopardy! appearance brought in a $204,800 donation for the charity organization. While Burton may not have gotten the top job, he did walk away a champion for a valuable cause.

(Via LeVar Burton on Twitter)

You seem a little stressed out. I’m talking to you, specifically, the person reading this sentence right now on your phone or, God forbid, an actual computer that is plugged into something. Hello. I’m Brian. Maybe your name is Brian, too. (It’s a good name.) Maybe your name is Greg or Zack or Lisa or Denise. Maybe your name is Zelda Fantastic. It probably isn’t, I suppose, but it could be. There is really very little stopping you from changing your name to Zelda Fantastic if you want to. Or, like, Lonnie Orlando. You could be Lonnie Orlando. That’s something to consider. And when you’re done considering that, here’s another thing to consider, regarding the stress: Maybe you should go sit in a park for a while.

Like, now. Maybe you should go sit in a park right now. My employers and I would prefer if you read to the bottom of this page or at least scroll there before you leave, but I can’t really go about getting upset at you for listening to me right away, now can I? The rest of this is just going to be The Case For Sitting In A Park For A While anyway. If you’re already convinced, stop here. STOP. I can’t run the risk of unconvincing you. I’ll feel terrible.

One thing, though, if I still have you: Bring a beverage to the park. Most beverages will do. Water is fine. Some people like lemonade. I enjoy drinking iced tea in a park. Iced tea is a good park drink. Sometimes I’ll do a peach iced tea. Sometimes I’ll mix up my iced tea with some lemonade, which is called an Arnold Palmer. It’s kind of funny that Arnold Palmer was one the best golfers in history — a cool one, too, who just kind of whacked the ball as hard as he could and then went and found it and figured out how to beat you from wherever he ended up — and his greatest contribution to society at large might be mixing some delightful beverages in the same glass to make a new, also delightful beverage. There’s a good lesson here: If you play your cards right in life, you could end up with a refreshing beverage named after you. That’s nice to think about sometimes.

Are you in a park yet? No? Okay, I’ll keep going. Maybe it would help to consider some activities you can do in a park. You can throw a frisbee with a friend, if you want. You could text “hey do you wanna go throw a frisbee in a park or something?” to one of your friends right now. I bet you have a friend who would say yes. (You can always say “lol jk” if they say no, like you were doing it as a bit. It’s good to have escape hatches like this at various points in your plans.) You could jog, or walk, or bring a dog and throw the frisbee to the dog. You could also just bring a blanket and a book and, like, sit there. Or look at your phone if you want, although it kind of defeats the purpose a little. But looking at your phone outside in a park on a sunny day is probably better than looking at it in inside your house. Baby steps are fine. We can build from there.

I like to listen to music in a park, usually with a book in my lap that I am reading between extended stretches of being distracted by things that are happening around me. You can pop in your headphones and listen to any music you want. I recommend music that has good vibes, if you really want to maximize the experience, but it’s your call. Maybe an example will help. Hmm. How about Stevie Wonder? Stevie Wonder makes some primo Sitting In The Park music. Like, imagine it’s a sunny 78-degree day, little breeze, handful of wispy clouds in an otherwise blue sky, maybe some ducks in a pond or little kids running around playing tag, and this song comes on in your headphones.

That’s a day-maker right there, friend.

You know what else you can do in a park? People-watch. People-watching is fun as long as you are not creepy about it. (Do not be creepy in the park!) Just casually look up from your book or conversation or picnic and take a quick glance at some of the other people in the park. I wouldn’t do it if you’re throwing a frisbee, though. You don’t want to become The Guy Who Got Hit In The Face With A Frisbee At The Park. That’s not ideal. But otherwise, go nuts. People are fascinating. Some of the things they wear and do, man. Wowsers.

Occasionally, while you are people-watching, the people you are watching will make eye contact with you. This is okay! You can give a little smile and a half a wave and go back to whatever you were pretending to do before the little moment happened. Sometimes they’ll smile and give a half-wave back. This is nice. It feels good to connect with people, even just a little. You can even try some small talk, too, if you’re feeling it. Maybe a cursory “how’s it going?” or a “what a day” or even a “your dog is so cool,” if they have a dog. People love to hear that their dog is cool. But only say that if they do have a dog. Otherwise, you will look like a creep, which you should not do. We have already discussed this.

Another thing you can do in a park is daydream. You can sit right there in the middle of the park and daydream all you want. Think of all the times you can’t do this, or at least when you’re not supposed to. Daydreaming too much at work will get you in trouble, especially if you are a bus driver or heart surgeon or any other kind of surgeon, really. But no one gets mad at you for daydreaming in a park. Leave that book open in front of you if you feel self-conscious about staring into space, but let your mind wander. Think about anything you want. Here, I’ll give you a few topics to get you started, in addition to the Arnold Palmer thing from earlier:

• Birds can just, like, fly, any time they want, and it is super easy for them
• Every person who has ever competed in the luge at the Olympics had to wake up one day at some point in their lives and say “I think I will try the luge today”
• Vin Diesel’s real name is Mark Sinclair but, per Wikipedia, he changed it “while working as a bouncer at the New York nightclub Tunnel, wanting a tougher sounding name for his occupation”

I included this last one in part because it is my favorite thing to think about ever and in part because I feel like you didn’t believe me back in the first paragraph when I said you could change your name to Zelda Fantastic if you wanted. I mean, the man changed his name to “Vin Diesel.” Everyone just calls him that now like it’s a normal thing to call a person. At some point in his life, someone he knew called him Mark and he looked them dead in the eye and said, “Actually, I go by Vin Diesel now.” That’s incredible. It’s borderline inspirational. You are only limited in life by the furthest boundaries of your own imagination.

Okay, I think that’s enough. It’s probably time for me to go home anyway. I wrote all of this while sitting in a park myself just now. So I guess you can add Write A Blog About Sitting In A Park to the list of things you can do while sitting in a park. And you should, probably, if the inspiration strikes you. It would be nice to have more blogs about sitting in a park. I would happily read one park blog every day. Let’s all work on that for the rest of the summer.

Cobra Kai continues to harness nostalgia in the most effective way, by reeling in a new generation of audience members and handily defeating the vast majority of reboots, revivals, and relaunches. Season 4 somehow wrapped shooting months ago after hot-dropping Season 3 early last year, and now, we’re seeing a teaser that previews how the rivalries will go down at the All Valley Karate Tournament. This, of course, takes Daniel-san and Johnny Lawrence back to the event that changed both their lives three decades ago: when Daniel crane-kicked his bully (thereby defeating his bully’s bully as well) and launched himself into local celebrity status forever, car dealership and all.

We know how that all played out for Johnny, who is obviously still a bit of an a-hole, but he’s a likable a-hole now. Furthermore, Johnny and Daniel united their dojos in the last season finale to go up against their now-mutual enemy: John Kreese. As for that guy, he’s already called in reinforcements in the form of his old Vietnam War buddy and O.G. co-founder of the Cobra Kai dojo, Terry Silver, who will definitely return to the franchise. How will the action play out? Expect a lot of pain, along with an angry Hawk and Tory keeping their bully-spirits alive while Miguel and Samantha and Robby and and Daniel-san and Johnny all battle for the very soul of the valley. And we’ve got a synopsis:

Season 4 finds the Miyagi-Do and Eagle Fang dojos joining forces to take down Cobra Kai at the All Valley Under 18 Karate Tournament… and whoever loses must hang up their gi. As Samantha and Miguel try to maintain the dojo alliance and Robby goes all in at Cobra Kai, the fate of the Valley has never been more precarious. What tricks does Kreese have up his sleeve? Can Daniel and Johnny bury their decades-long hatchet to defeat Kreese? Or will Cobra Kai become the face of karate in the valley?

Cobra Kai will return for Season 4 in December.

Finneas may be best known for his production work on his sister Billie Eilish’s music, but the eight-time Grammy winner also has a musical career of his own. After gaining recognition with his previous effort Blood Harmony, Finneas has inked a deal with a major label and is gearing up for the release of his debut album.

The musician returned Wednesday to to take over an empty concert venue in his wistful “A Concert Six Months From Now” video. Directed by Sam Bennett, the cinematic visual depicts Finneas stumbling through the deserted Hollywood Bowl theater in LA as he delivers each tender lyric with a sense of urgency. The track will be the album-opener on his upcoming 13-track effort Optimist, which he announced alongside the visual.

Watch “A Concert Six Months From Now” above and find Finneas’ Optimist cover art, tracklist, and tour dates below.

1. “A Concert Six Months From Now”
2. “The Kids Are All Dying”
3. “Happy Now”
4. “Only A Lifetime”
5. “The 90s”
6. “Love Is Pain”
7. “Peaches Etude”
8. “Hurt Locker”
9. “Medieval”
10. “Someone Else’s Star”
11. “Around My Neck”
12. “What They’ll Say About Us”
13. “How It Ends”

09/03 — BottleRock Festival @ Napa, CA
09/18 — iHeart Radio Music Festival @ Las Vegas, NV
10/01 — Austin City Limits @ Austin, TX
10/08 — Austin City Limits @ Austin, TX
10/25 — The Observatory North Park @ San Diego, CA
10/27 — The Wiltern @ Los Angeles, CA
11/01 — The Fillmore @ San Francisco, CA
11/03 — Crystal Ballroom @ Portland, OR
11/04 — Showbox SoDo @ Seattle, WA
11/06 — The Depot @ Salt Lake City, UT
11/08 — Summit @ Denver, CO
11/10 — Vic Theatre @ Chicago, IL
11/12 — Ohio University @ Athens, OH
11/13 — Theatre of The Living Arts @ Philadelphia, PA
11/14 — 9:30 Club @ Washington, DC
11/16 — Irving Plaza @ New York, NY
11/18 — House of Blues @ Boston, MA
11/20 — Théâtre Corona @ Montreal, QC
11/21 — The Danforth Music Hall @ Toronto, ON

Optimist is out 10/15 via Interscope. Pre-order it here.

The United States women’s national soccer team finished up its run at the Tokyo Olympics on Thursday, picking up a 4-3 win over Australia in the bronze medal match. If you have come here for any sort of coherent analysis on their run to a medal and why they were unable to get a gold, I have bad news!

Former United States president and current guy who really hates not having a Twitter account Donald Trump released his latest statement that features strange capitalization decisions. This one is about the USWNT, a longtime foe because they were mean to him over the fact that he did numerous bad things as president, and features him blaming wokeness on their inability to win a gold medal.

Now, is this nonsense? Of course it is! The team won the World Cup during the aforementioned time they were publicly clowning him — “the woman with the purple hair” is Megan Rapinoe, who was the best player at said World Cup, the most consistently vocal anti-Trump member of the squad, and quite literally did something no one other than herself had ever done at the Olympics for the second time — and while the team did not secure a gold despite entering the tournament as favorites, it was, obviously, not because of wokeness.

Anyway, they’ll probably win the World Cup in 2023.

If you’re still mourning the loss of Star Wars’ critically-acclaimed animated series, series like The Clone Wars and Rebels, rest assured that Lucasfilm Animation and Dave Filoni aren’t calling it quits on bringing Star Wars’ ever-expanding universe to life just yet. Disney has announced Star Wars: The Bad Batch will return to Disney+ for its second season in 2022. The news comes just ahead of season one’s two-part finale, which is scheduled to hit the streaming service on August 6. According to Disney+ president Michael Paull, the newest entry in the Star Wars series has become a “fan-favorite,” and they are “excited to see the Star Wars animated universe expand on Disney+.”

For those who’ve yet to watch The Bad Batch, the series follows Clone Force 99, a group of “enhanced clones, more capable than an army” who are left aimless following the Clone Wars’ end. The mercenary group consists of Hunter, Echo, Tech, Wrecker, and Crosshair, all of which excel in certain areas of combat that relate to their names. For example, Hunter is a skilled tracker and fighter, Tech is, well, a techie, and Crosshair is the group’s ranged attacker. At the series start, the team is joined by a young medical assistant clone named Omega, and nothing but your usual Star Wars high-stakes, high-drama ensues following her arrival — and apparently none of us can get enough of it.

If you’ve been waiting for the series’ end to do a good ‘ol fashioned Disney+ binge, the good news is you’ll be able to starting tomorrow, giving you plenty of time to be caught up before the second season airs next year. If you’re already all caught up, allow me to happily remind you we have both Disney+’s upcoming Boba Fett spin-off series, The Book of Boba Fett, and the third season of The Mandalorian coming between now and The Bad Batch’s second season. While The Mandalorian has yet to get a season 3 premiere date, The Book of Boba Fett hits Disney+ this December.