If you’ve ever seen the 1981 David Cronenberg classic Scanners, you no doubt remember the scene where a man’s head goes ka-boom! Which is essentially a primer for what happened on Newsmax on Wednesday.
As Raw Story reports, host Grant Stinchfield was having a seemingly calm enough conversation about the situation in Afghanistan with Joe Saboe, an Army veteran. Though maybe it only seemed calm because Stinchfield was doing most of the talking, which meant blaming Joe Biden for everything and praising Donald Trump for doing nothing. After Stinchfield equated any Americans still currently in Afghanistan to being in “a hostage situation,” Saboe—very politely—tried to offer his two cents:
“With due respect, Grant: Veterans—[me] being one—our friends are over there. We’ve followed this closely for multiple administrations and we know the Trump’s administration’s efforts here were fairly weak. That they were trying to limit the number of people that would get out. And so there were coordination problems for a long time…”
That was all it took. You had to really listen to even hear that much of what Saboe said, because once Stinchfield got a whiff that any fingers might be pointed Donald Trump’s way, Stinchfield was suddenly out of time for Saboe. And when he tried to finish his point, Stinchfield totally lost his sh*t—yelling to his producers to “Cut him off, please! Cut him off now!”
Once the coast was clear and Saboe had been disconnected, so couldn’t respond, Stinchfield went on a whole rant about how, “You’re not going to blame this on President Trump on my show! That’s not happening! Now I appreciate the work that you’re doing! God bless you for being a veteran. God bless you for trying to get Americans out!” (He’s still yelling here, by the way. At a man he has disconnected so is unable to respond.)
“Don’t come on this program, and take the talking point to the left and blame President Trump,” an irate Stinchfield continued. “That’s not helping anybody.”
By “anybody” he, of course, means the Newsmax viewers who are spoon-fed the network’s “Trump rules!” propaganda. And anyone who says differently, including a military veteran who has been on the ground and seeing what’s happening versus sitting behind a desk on a channel that no one watches, well, they can just f*ck right off!
In what may be the strongest indication yet that it does, indeed, take one to know one, Bill Barr reportedly warned Donald Trump that he had a very real chance of losing the election because many voters think he’s an “assh*le.”
The new report of an expletive-filled warning from the former attorney general to the former president came from a new book that detailed the final months of the Trump presidency. The book, “Peril,” from Bob Woodward and Robert Costa, detailed a conversation that the twice-impeached president had with Barr where the attorney general who would later resign made it clear that many suburban Republican voters “just think you’re a fucking asshole.
As Business Insider detailed, the warning came in April 2020, amid a pandemic and just before the final months of the campaign that saw Joe Biden beat the incumbent president.
“In my opinion,” Barr told Trump during a tense Oval Office meeting, according to the book, “this is not a base election. Your base is critical, and you’ll get it out. And there are a lot of people out there, independents and Republicans in the suburbs of the critical states that think you’re an asshole. They think you act like an asshole and you got to, you got to start taking that into account.”
Barr was explicit in his advice to Trump: the voters that carried him to victory in 2016 aren’t his hardcore supporters, but those in the suburbs that don’t care about his “grievances” that he would ramble about during his bewildering speeches and public appearances.
“Your base cares about seeing [former FBI director James Comey] and the rest of those guys held accountable, but these other people don’t,” Barr said, according to the book. “They don’t care about your fucking grievances. And it just seems that every time you’re out there, you’re talking about your goddamn grievances.”
Barr was right about Trump’s chances of losing, of course, because he did in November. But there was clearly no getting through to the now-former president who still thinks he had the election stolen from him. Still, we now know there was at least one person on his staff willing to tell him he’s completely full of sh*t.
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE — Do it, please
The Emmys are this weekend and no one seems to care. That’s the vibe I’ve been getting from the coverage leading up to it, at least. And it’s fine that no one cares, really, because the whole thing is and always has been a little silly. A bunch of famous attractive people get all dressed up and hand each other golden trophies for pretending to be different, sometimes less attractive people and we all sit around and watch it on television. It feels normal to us because we’ve all been doing it for so long, but it’s still kind of weird. This is one of two opinions I have about the 2021 Emmy Awards. The other is that it would be cool if Jean Smart wins two Emmys this weekend.
She has a chance, too, because she’s nominated for two Emmys (a good first step), one for Lead Actress in a Comedy for Hacks and one for Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie for Mare of Easttown, which is cool. In fact, let’s pause here. I need you to focus on how cool it is, just for a second. Jean Smart got recognized as the best in her field in two different fields this year. Not many people can do both comedy and drama at a passable level, let alone an award-worthy one. It’s kind of like if a world-famous pastry chef also ran a high-end steakhouse, which is not a perfect analogy but one that gets made when you blog while hungry. It’s close, though. I’ll get a snack soon.
And it’s not just that the shows were different genres that makes this so cool. It’s also that the characters are almost complete opposites as people. In Mare of Easttown, she played a frumpy housewife and grandmother who never left Eastern Pennsylvania and has the accent and Wawa receipts to prove it. In Hacks, she played a glitzy entertainer who rides in helicopters and dines in five-star restaurants and commands every room she’s in. To some degree, I suppose, this is what acting is, inhabiting a role and becoming a different person each time. But in practice, it doesn’t always work out like that. People make entire careers out of playing the same kind of character over and over again. Not Jean Smart. Jean Smart is out here going for it. You have to respect that.
There’s also the thing where actresses of a certain age can run into a wall eventually. They stop getting good juicy characters. They kind of fade away and maybe end up as a cranky nana on a sitcom. That could have happened to Jean Smart. She’s talked about how roles dried up for her a bit after she played an older woman on Fargo. But then she went and landed two whoop-ass roles at once and knocked them both out of the park in the same summer. Her summer. She both earned and deserved it.
That’s all very cool. And it would be cool if we all recognized that. Not just the way I’m doing it here, either, with words. With gold, preferably in trophy form, although handing her gold bars would work, too. It would be so cool if Jean Smart wins two Emmys in the same year for two wildly different roles — one on conventional television, one on streaming, which is a whole other thing — and gives two different acceptance speeches. I bet she’s great at giving acceptance speeches. I would really like to find out.
And if you’re on the fence about all of this, if you’re looking at the other nominees and making cases for each of them in your head, well, that’s fine, I guess, but please stop and consider this next part before you get too far into that process. From an interview with Entertainment Weekly about her role in Hacks:
Did you have to pose for a wax figure for that episode?
That was me.
Wait, that was actually you. It wasn’t a wax figure.
[Shakes head, laughs]
Because that would’ve been a lot of time and money to make that for it to only appear on camera for such a short amount of time.
It’s a very extensive process, and very expensive.
Would you equate that to playing dead?
Yes! That’s really hard. [Laughs] The tough part was, my eyes get really dry so I was like, “Say ‘cut’ the second you can because I gotta blink!” And, of course, I didn’t know what [Hannah] was going to do. She was doing all sorts of crazy stuff right in front of my face, flipping me off and doing cartwheels. [Laughs]
The woman played her own wax figure in Hacks. Show me another actress who did that this year. Show me another one ever. You know what? Screw it, let’s give Jean Smart three Emmys this year. One for each of these roles and a third for… I don’t know. Anything. You pick. Worst case, we give her the first-ever Emmy for Being The Best Lady Around. That would be pretty cool.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — Norm
Norm Macdonald died this week. I was shocked and sad when I saw the news and I’m still sad about it now, days later. Norm Macdonald was the best. I can — will, again, many times — lose an hour or two just tumbling down the YouTube rabbit hole of his greatest hits. We compiled a bunch of them here, which is one of those things we probably shouldn’t have waited until his death to do because, again, Norm Macdonald was the best. There is no excuse needed to watch him do work like that, especially not a sad one. The worst part is that I just said a lot of this last week when Michael K. Williams died at 54, which was also shocking and sad. It’s been a weird September.
You probably watched The Moth Joke this week at some point, but I’m sharing it again here anyway. It’s so good, and in so many ways, and it might not even be his best single late-night appearance, for reasons I outlined in this piece from 2016, as well as many other reasons. I won’t argue with you if you have another favorite. This is a guy who once went on television to promote his book and used the time to tell a string of the worst/best old-timey jokes you’ve ever heard. (“Before I met my wife, I was incomplete… [long pause] … now I’m finished.”) A masterclass in bending the audience to you rather than folding yourself in half to please them. Jedi master stuff.
This brings me back to The Moth Joke, though, and why it’s my favorite Norm Macdonald clip and one of my favorite clips ever, anywhere, full-stop. Think about this for a minute. Think about all of it. Think about the joke itself, for sure, from beginning to end, the part where choosing Russian names for the characters somehow makes it funnier by a factor of three or four. Think about how he set it up as something his driver told him, just adding another layer of storytelling that seems pointless but ends up adding depth to it all in a way that almost grounds its nonsense in reality. Think about the way the whole thing built to a punchline that was somehow the most obvious and surprising thing possible. It’s basically perfect.
But think about this, too: He booked a guest appearance on a popular late-night talk show, primo real estate that publicists all over Hollywood would run you over with their cars to get for their clients, and he did… this. He told a long and meandering story about a moth at a doctor, one that kept going about three different times after it looked like it was going to stop, and used all that built-up tension and anticipation to pay it off with “the light was on.” Conan elaborated on it all on his podcast this week, and it’s really worth a listen.
“This has to be understood: he’s doing this on the fly. His way to slow it down, that he came up with on the fly, is that he invents a Chekhov play with Russian names and there’s an ineffable sadness in life weighing on the character’s soul. I’ve never met anybody who would take that chance and make that chance, and I’ll ever meet anybody like him again.”
That’s the other thing. That’s the thing that made Conan so happy. The thing where Norm both understood and did not care one lick about the rules of the game. Look at the twinkle in his eye right before he delivered the punchline. That moment right there was the juice for him, the moment he knew he had everyone leaning one way and was about to hit them with the okie-doke. He was a rascal and he was proud of it.
Rest in peace, Norm.
ITEM NUMBER THREE — The cretins are almost back on our televisions, thank heavens
HBO
The second season of Succession ended on October 19, 2019, which is so long ago. It is so, so long ago, a whole presidential election and two pandemics ago. Too long, to put a needle-fine point on it. That’s why it brings me such great pleasure to inform you that the third season finally, at long last, will premiere on October 17, almost two full years later. We did it. We made it. We are so close.
HBO made the announcement this week, and included two little bonuses for all of us sickos
This official tagline: “Ambushed by his rebellious son Kendall at the end of Season two, Logan Roy begins Season 3 in a perilous position, scrambling to secure familial, political, and financial alliances. Tensions rise as a bitter corporate battle threatens to turn into a family civil war.”
The official poster I popped at the top of this section
God, I can’t wait. Everyone on this show is so awful and I hate them all so much but I also love them. It’s hard to explain. I love how much I hate them. I want to watch them destroy each other for my enjoyment. I want all of them to go to prison and then get out and then go back to prison again. All of them except, of course, my sweet awkward boy Cousin Greg.
Don’t get me wrong here. He’s awful, too. He’s not confident about it or competent at it, but he’s a little weasel. I know this from two seasons of watching the show, of course, but I think even non-viewers could figure it out just from this new poster. Here, I’ll show you.
Enhance.
ENHANCE.
HBO
That’s the face of a man who can and will flip sides at the first sign of the winds changing. I love him. I hope he ends up running the entire company. I hope he becomes president. And then I hope he goes to prison, too. I know I just said I didn’t want that but then I thought about Greg the Egg navigating a prison yard and I started laughing a lot. It’s out of my hands.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — An absolutely dreadful Holey Moley performance that brought me a lot of joy
ABC
This is Emily. She’s a pro golfer who was a contestant on Holey Moley last week, in the final episode before the big season finale. She faced off against another contestant on the windmill hole, which is my favorite hole because people are rarely successful at getting through it unscathed and because the show added fire to it this season for no reason beyond “because we had budget leftover and wanted to light something on fire.” Holey Moley remains America’s finest television program.
Anyway, that’s Emily getting wrecked by the first windmill after hitting a pretty nice putt that got her close to the hole. She was in great position, in part because she’s a professional golfer who can make a short putt, and in part because the second windmill spins slower and most people make it through that one unsc-
ABC
Oh, God.
Oh heavens.
That was…
That might be the worst attempt I’ve ever seen on any obstacle on this show.
Right in the face.
And her opponent made his next putt so she didn’t even get a chance.
She just hit one putt, got rocked by two windmills, and went home drenched.
There might be a metaphor here but I’m too busy giggling at the GIFs to find it.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE — I need all of you to see the description of Brendan Fraser’s new show
cw
The bottom line here is that Brendan Fraser rules. He’s ruled for a long time. A movie like Bedazzled has no right being a blast to watch and yet, there it is, still running on TBS on Saturday afternoons and still sucking me in. He starred in a movie with Albert Brooks called The Scout as a baseball phenom whose name was, I swear, Steve Nebraska. He was out of the game for a bit there, but he’s working his way back into it — he was great in Soderbergh’s latest, No Sudden Move — and now he’s going to be in a television show.
“Professionals” follows Vincent Corbo (Welling), a top-tier security operative, who is paid to protect the interests of rich and powerful clients by any means necessary – legal or not. After a next-gen medical satellite explodes on launch, Corbo is hired by the rocket’s designer – billionaire futurist Peter Swann (Fraser) – who suspects sabotage. Complicating Corbo’s new gig is his former paramour and now Swann’s fiancée, medical visionary Dr. Grace Davila (Anaya), who is racing to help stave off a global catastrophe.
Folks, we got Brendan Fraser as a thinly-fictionalized version of Elon Musk who is out there blowing up rockets and seducing genius doctors who used to smooch the top-tier security operatives who are out to investigate him. It is incredible to me that this show did not air on the USA Network after Burn Notice in like 2009, but at least it exists now. Better late than never. I’m so happy.
But I know. I know you read that and felt like something was missing. I know you’re sitting there right now saying to yourself, “Shouldn’t this show have, like, a rogue CIA… no, a rogue Interpol agent who is hellbent on busting one or both of the main characters for their past sins?”
Ladies and gentlemen, I have terrific news.
As Corbo and his team of veteran security professionals investigate the rocket disaster, they expose a lethal conspiracy of Swann’s corporate rivals, corrupt government officials, and a shadowy crime syndicate – all working to destroy Swann and take control of his tech empire. Worse, Corbo must also contend with a rogue Europol agent (Ken Duken) who is hellbent on busting him for past sins.
I love a good fancy prestige drama. I love Succession, and I ate up The White Lotus, and miss shows like Mad Men and The Americans very much. But I am going to watch this show. I am going to watch every episode. I need it like oxygen. I hope it runs 10 seasons and never gets nominated for an award and gets progressively more bonkers each season. I hope it goes completely off the rails and introduces a new character at some point named, like, Tex Jupiter, and I hope he’s played by Kelsey Grammer. And even if all that happens, I bet the show will still be good and fun, in large part because, once again, Brendan Fraser rules.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
A mailbag question for you that I feel like your answer would be highly insightful:
In the American football world, do we think Ted was an offense or defense coach first and what role did Beard play on his Wichita State staff?
This is something I think about a lot, actually, so I’m glad you asked. Here’s the short version…
I think it worked out kind of the same way it does now. I think Ted handled the structural stuff — the motivation, the broad strokes, the recruiting (Ted Lasso would be so freaking good at recruiting) — and Beard handled the more technical stuff. I bet he also drew up lots of insane trick plays. I bet their teams were a blast to watch.
I kind of wish I could watch them play this Saturday, actually. Their games probably had a wild cult following, with Twitter’s deep bench of college football maniacs live-tweeting every week. It would be fun. The show is good, too. There’s no real bad news here.
A group of thieves rammed a van into a Dutch toy store and successfully made off with an unspecified number of Lego and Pokémon products.
DUTCH LEGO AND POKÉMON HEIST
“Witnesses saw two men in a white van ram into the shop front,” the press release reads. “Agents immediately went to the shop, and the registration number and description of the van were passed on to surveillance units in the area.”
OH MAN THE DUDES IN THIS VAN MUST HAVE BEEN SCREWED
Police, including a helicopter, chased after a white van only to later find out it was the wrong vehicle. Later in the night, they found the actual suspected van abandoned on a street in The Hague, a nearby city.
AHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHA
THE WRONG VAN
SOME POOR GUY IN A VAN WAS GETTING CHASED BY A HELICOPTER FOR NO REASON
THAT’S A BAD DAY, BUDDY
BUT A GREAT STORY
It is unclear whether the attack has any connection to the so-called “Polish Lego Gang,” a group of international toy thieves who French police have been on the hunt for since 2019. In 2021, two members of the gang were arrested and later told police they were part of a group that specialized in stealing sets that would fetch high prices on the collectors market, according to The Guardian.
In a move to stave off losing nearly five million subscribers after ending HBO Max access on Amazon Channels, the streaming app is offering a rare and sizable discount to basically anyone. While a press release announcing the price cut specifically targets Amazon Channels users in a move to lure them over to the HBO Max app now that they’re in the wind, the 50% offer is available to all subscribers on any device:
As of September 15, HBO is no longer available as a subscription through Amazon Prime Video Channels. However, former subscribers don’t have to miss out on their favorite HBO shows. Starting today, those who accessed HBO via Prime Video Channels, as well as all new and returning HBO Max subscribers, can enjoy their favorite HBO programming and HBO Max’s more than 13,000 hours of content, on the HBO Max ad-free monthly plan at a 50% discount. This new limited time promotion of $7.49 per month for up to six months is available through September 26. Customers can sign up at http://HBOMax.com or via the following distribution partners: Apple, Google, LG, Microsoft, Sony, Roku and Vizio.
As previously reported, Amazon Channels access was one of the sticking points that caused the nearly six month long standoff between HBO Max and Amazon. Ultimately, the two parties reached a deal just in time for Wonder Woman 1984‘s streaming debut, but part of that deal apparently involved Amazon eventually curtailing access to HBO Max through its Amazon Channels service. Now, that time has arrived, and it appears that HBO Max is pulling out all the stops to avoid taking a five million subscriber hit, about a month before Dune hits.
The app had stopped offering free trials and only just made an ad-free plan available a few months ago, so a half-price deal on its highest ad-free tier is pretty huge.
Week 3 of the college football season is upon us and, as often happens, it’s a bit of a sleepy Saturday across the country. There aren’t a lot of marquee matchups, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some intriguing games both from a viewing and betting perspective.
Last week, we got back to our principles and, with that, back on the right side of the book. We won’t be deviating from that path again, as we’ll once again be putting our full trust in ‘dogs and unders this week. Before we get to our Week 3 picks, let’s take a look at how we did last week and where we stand on the season as we roll into Week 3.
Last Week: 4-1 2021 Season: 6-4
Come get these winners (lines via Caesars Sportsbook).
Nevada at Kansas State UNDER 50.5 (Saturday, 2:00 p.m. ET)
I love a sleepy early afternoon under in the Little Apple, and this one is tailor made for me. Kansas State started the season by dominating Stanford in a low scoring affair, then struggled with Southern Illinois until finally putting it together late to avoid a disastrous loss. I think that game woke them up and we’ll see them back to playing K-State football, which is running it and being fundamentally sound on defense to force opponents into long, methodical drives. Nevada isn’t afraid to play that game themselves, and I like this to just come in under this total (which has dropped considerably already since open).
Northwestern at Duke UNDER 49.5 (Saturday, 4:00 p.m. ET)
On a weekend filled with candidates, this has a chance to be the official Sickos Game of the Week. We thought Northwestern would be in that kind of game in the opener against Sparty, only for Michigan State to run them out of their own building, but last week was encouraging, as they could barely score on an FCS opponent but the defense got back to what they do best. As for Duke, well, they’re just not good. There’s a chance this gets away from us because Duke isn’t very good on defense, but I just don’t see the Blue Devils scoring an awful lot. A bonus pick here is to take the Cats -2.5 on the road, but I’m loathe to give out favorites officially in this space again after Week 1.
Virginia (+8.5) at UNC (Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET)
Too many points in a rivalry game. I know the Tar Heels looked better against Georgia State, but, as mentioned just above, the Panthers just might not be very good this year. I’m a believer in the Hoos to the point of thinking they can keep this within a touchdown, even if Sam Howell’s big play ability is spooky to bet against. We’ll take the candy and, to be honest, I wouldn’t kick a money line sprinkle out of bed.
Auburn at Penn State 1H UNDER 27 (Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET)
What’s better than taking a big game under? Few things bring me more joy that settling in on Saturday night for the national primetime game and being the guy rooting for no one to score. It’s great, and from an analysis side, these are both two really good defenses that have yet to give up more than 13 points. Now, Auburn’s scored 62 in the first two games against less than stellar opposition so I get the trepidation here, but I expect both of these teams to be in “don’t make the first mistake” mode early on, which is why I’m taking the first half under in this one (I also like the full game just fine, for what it’s worth).
Vanderbilt (+12) vs. Stanford (Saturday, 8:00 p.m. ET)
Oh yes, we’re doing this. It is absolutely hideous, but Stanford is overvalued here. These are two teams that have been all over the place so far, with Stanford looking awful against K-State and then beating up USC and Vanderbilt almost getting shutout by East Tennessee State and then beating Colorado State on the road. I have no idea what the reality is for either of these teams, but it’s hard for me to believe it’s Stanford being two touchdowns better. We’ll find out.
Ed Sheeran is gearing up to release his upcoming album = in October, the title of which continues his theme of albums named after mathematical symbols. On a related note, Sheeran announced his next concert tour today, and it’s appropriately titled the “+-=÷x” tour. For those who don’t want to say “plus minus equals divide multiply” tour, the tour is also known as “The Mathematics Tour.”
So far, Sheeran has only announced dates for Europe and the UK, which include a handful of shows per month from next April to September. There are surely more dates to be added, though, especially since in an Instagram post teasing the announcement, Sheeran noted, “Announcing something 8am tomorrow U.K. time that is basically the start of the next 3 years of my life, excited to be back at it.”
Check out the full list of tour dates below.
04/28/2022 — Cork, Ireland @ Páirc Uí Chaoimh
05/05/2022 — Limerick, Ireland @ Thomond Park
05/12/2022 — Belfast, UK @ Boucher Road Playing Fields
05/26/2022 — Cardiff, UK @ Principality Stadium
05/27/2022 — Cardiff, UK @ Principality Stadium
06/03/2022 — Sunderland, UK @ Stadium of Light
06/04/2022 — Sunderland, UK @ Stadium of Light
06/10/2022 — Manchester, UK @ Etihad Stadium
06/11/2022 — Manchester, UK @ Etihad Stadium
06/16/2022 — Glasgow, UK @ Hampden Park
06/17/2022 — Glasgow, UK @ Hampden Park
06/29/2022 — London, UK @ Wembley Stadium
06/30/2022 — London, UK @ Wembley Stadium
07/01/2022 — London, UK @ Wembley Stadium
07/07/2022 — Gelsenkirchen, Germany @ Veltins-Arena
07/14/2022 — Amsterdam, Netherlands @ Johan Cruijff Arena
07/15/2022 — Amsterdam, Netherlands @ Johan Cruijff Arena
07/22/2022 — Brussels, Belgium @ King Baudouin Stadium
07/29/2022 — Paris, France @ Stade De France
08/04/2022 — Copenhagen, Denmark @ Øresundsparken
08/10/2022 — Gothenburg, Sweden @ Ullevi
08/20/2022 — Helsinki, Finland @ Olympic Stadium
08/25/2022 — Warsaw, Poland @ PGE Narodowy
09/01/2022 — Vienna, Austria @ Ernst Happel Stadium
09/10/2022 — Munich, Germany @ Olympiastadion
09/16/2022 — Zurich, Switzerland @ Letzigrund Stadion
09/23/2022 — Frankfurt, Germany @ Deutsche Bank Park
= is out 10/29 via Atlantic Records. Pre-order it here.
Ed Sheeran is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Earlier this week, Logan Paul—a YouTuber who somehow found fame by being one of the very worst people in the world—lashed out at Jimmy Kimmel for calling him one of the “very worst people in the world.” During Wednesday’s episode of his ridiculously titled Impaulsive podcast, Paul had a few words for the late-night host (about a week too late, but whatever):
“I’m upset with Jimmy Kimmel, dude. How are you about to invite me on the show, and have a cordial, friendly, familial relationship, and then a year and a half later—when, by the way, I’m doing well. That is the lamest sh*t to me. That is so f***ing lame. Your writers were so, so lacking content and creativity that they had to do some lame-ass Paul joke?”
Before telling Kimmel to go f**k himself, Paul explained that he thought he and Kimmel, who refers to as “JK,” were totally cool, man. “I opened up to him, dude. I talked about me missing my testicle. Like, it was some serious conversation.”
Kimmel heard about Paul’s thoughts and made a plea to the twentysomething—who once visited Japan’s “Suicide Forest” and filmed the bodies of several people who died of suicide then posted them on YouTube—to squash the beef:
“Had I known you fondly call me JK I never would have said any of that stuff. I’m sorry, LP. I hope we can be bros again, dude. I really do. And I’m sorry about your testicle; I forgot about that. You know what? To make up for it, I’m going to give you one of my testicles. Or, wait a minute, I just thought of something: Maybe I’ll introduce you to Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend. This guy—he’s got more testicle than he knows what to do with.”
You can watch the full clip above (beginning around the 9:05 mark).
LeVar Burton was the fan favorite choice to become the full-time Jeopardy! host, but executives “didn’t think he was the right fit.” To be fair, this assessment wasn’t only directed at the Star Trek legend — “the same can be said about almost all the other guest hosts,” according to TMZ — but considering this cold bowl of soup got the gig (before his embarrassing exit), maybe he should have been considered.
But it turns out, after his trial run as host, Burton didn’t want the permanent gig.
“I made it public that I wanted it for myself, that it made sense to me, and [the fans] were all about it. It made as much sense to them as it did to me. And, so, they wanted it for me as much as I wanted it,” he told Trevor Noah on The Daily Show. “The crazy thing is that when you set your sights on something, you know, they say be careful of what you wish for, because what I found out is that it wasn’t the thing that I wanted after all.”
Burton continued:
“What I wanted was to compete. I mean, I wanted the job, right, but when I didn’t get it, it was, like, well, OK, what’s next? And, so, the opportunities that have come my way as a result of not getting that gig, I couldn’t have dreamt it up. If you had given me a pen and paper and said, ‘Well, so what do you want this to really look like if it doesn’t include Jeopardy!?’ I wouldn’t have been this generous to myself.”
The “LeVar Burton hosting Jeopardy!” ship has sailed (sorry to all those petitions), but he said he’s “trying to figure out what the right game show for LeVar Burton would be.” Are you thinking what I’m thinking? The time is right to bring back Tattletales.
When he was finishing high school, Nick Gartelle learned how to coach basketball.
Gartelle’s father, David, is a basketball coach, running a skills training business and working with various professional teams. So while Nick was finishing high school and living with dad in Melbourne, Florida, he had his own apprenticeship. Gartelle did go on to become a coach — albeit not in the way he or his dad might have thought.
This past season, Gartelle was the head coach of T-Wolves Gaming, the 2K team for the Minnesota Timberwolves organization. When he was promoted to head coach from assistant coach, the 23-year-old Gartelle became the youngest coach in 2K League history. According to Gartelle, his dad was all-in on him pursuing this form of coaching.
“Outside of my friends, my dad was one of the few people that really supported me going for esports,” he says. “No one else really understood it. But he actually had seen it on TV and said ‘Nick, you should look at this — you’re always playing 2K anyway.’”
Gartelle started his 2K journey back in 2018 when he was in college in New York City, going to watch the 2K League in person after class everyday. For that season, he believes he only missed a week of play because he was in Barcelona helping coach at a basketball clinic with his dad.)
“It wasn’t the esports for me really,” he says about what drew him to attend and chase a job in the 2K League. “It’s about the love of 2K. I’ve played 2K all my life. I’ve played the game since 2K9 and when I’m not working, I’m probably playing 2K. So I figured I play this every day, I might as well go for it.”
That season, he was tipped off by a friend about open job interviews with the Nets’ G League team for security and non-2K roles.
“So I went to the interviews and told them ‘I have no interest in any of these jobs, but I hear you guys are starting a 2K team and I’d like to get involved with that’, he says. “And they looked out for me and I kept interviewing and they gave me a shot.”
Gartelle spent a season with the Nets, where he worked on compiling draft reports, scouting opponents and analyzing film for the coaching staff to breakdown. After a year there, he was hired by Minnesota to be an assistant under coach/general manager Justin Butler. When Butler stepped back from coaching to focus on being a general manager, he recommended Gartelle take his palace. In year one under Gartelle, T-Wolves Gaming won the Tip Off Tournament to start the year and made the playoffs before losing to Warriors Gaming Squad.
T-Wolves Gaming center Slaughter (real name Malik Lesinger), remembers meeting Nick for the first time back in 2018 when Nick was still with the Nets. When they got to talking, Slaughter recalls Nick asking him if he thought he could make it as a coach one day in the league.
“I told him ‘you’re young right now’ and ‘there’s no coaches your age in the league,’” he says. “I was pretty much telling him ‘no.’ And two years later, he’s the latest head coach to win a banner and we are winning together.”
Slaughter also sees that year under Butler as critical for the young Gartrelle in learning how to operate as a head coach.
“He needed that year. JB really showed him the ropes,” Slaughter says. “He’ll also tell you he needs to keep growing and put in the work. And he’s a guy who is willing to do that.”
As a head coach in the 2K League, Gartelle’s responsibilities aren’t all that different from what other professional coach’s might be. He breaks down tape. He forms scouting reports for his players to turn to. He has to develop bonds with his players.
“I don’t like people to yell at me, even if I know it sometimes need to be done,” Gartelle says. “I’m more of a talk to you on the side kind of person. I watch Kara Lawson speak and the way Monty Williams speaks and watching how Kobe Bryant was coaching the girls he was working with. I took everything I could and try to mush it together.”
According to T-Wolves Gaming shooting guard BearDaBeast (real name Michael Key), Nick’s approach is all about creating a positive atmosphere, even when he’s teaching and going over film.
“He’s happy-go-lucky — that’s the best way to describe him,” Key says. “He’s alway happy, he’s energetic and really goofy. And with Xs and Os, he’s always breaking down film, giving us tendencies and what they tend to do a lot.”
“He’s one of those characters that comes in a room that’s instantly smiling,” Slaughter adds. “He’s one of those people that seems to have a good day every day. He’s the guy that keeps us together. There’s a lot of ups and downs and he does a great job of keeping us composed and keeping us going.”
For Gartelle, that’s what makes being a coach worth it. He loves basketball and he loves 2K — if he wasn’t coaching and doing it for a living, he’d almost certainly be playing it in his off-time. But as a coach’s son, even one carving his own path, he keeps going because of the people he’s working with.
“I love watching the person’s growth and watching them grow as a player,” Gartelle says. “When I was six or seven years old, my dad would take me Knicks camp, Nets camp, Laker camp – we’d go all over and I’d play basketball, but I’d watch him coach and I thought that was so cool.”
“You also just get to help them become a better person — that’s what drew me to it. It’s my job now to help them win and help them get to where they want to go.”
Fall is right around the corner, and the world’s still trucking along like a dumpster fire. Yet fortunately, there’s a whole lot of TV options coming your way, so that you can hide from humanity as much as possible. Netflix has you covered on that end with several new original TV series and movies. There’s no telling how they keep cranking out the entertainment at warp speed, but this week, multiple popular series make comebacks with a few new additions that are worth a browse, at the very least.
On the fresh content front, a second animated He-Man series arrives as a bit of a counterpoint to Masters of the Universe: Revelation, and Sex Education returns for a third round. Reality TV is hot this week with a trainwrecky dating getting a spinoff, along with a real-estate and a baking show whipping up new seasons. Bear Grylls also returns with another interactive special, since people like choosing the worst options for his potentially dangerous adventures (y’all are totally gonna make him drink his pee, right), and speaking of danger, the Jaws movies are available now, too.
Here’s everything else coming to (and leaving) the streaming platform this week.
Sex Education: Season 3 (Netflix series streaming 9/17)
This Gillian Anderson-starring series returns, so that the X-Files and The Crown actress can continue embarrassing the heck out of her TV son, Otis (Asa Butterfield), who is apparently now having casual sex. Jemima Kirke is officially onboard, too, as a headteacher named Hope, who desperately wants to restore Moordale Secondary School to its former sterling reputation. Uh, good luck with that? The same goes for the announcement that Anderson’s character is pregnant. Oh, Mom.
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (Netflix series streaming 9/17)
Kevin Smith’s recent Masters of the Universe: Revelation sequel series sparked some overwrought backlash after continuing He-Man and Skeletor’s story in a way that some nerds didn’t enjoy, given that there was plenty of focus (like the original series) on other characters. Well, here’s a kid-appealing update of the classic ’80s cartoon, and this one has a much different feel with a He-Man-focused story, so maybe that will make the angry people happy? It’s got a whole lot of dude-on-bony-dude battling, looks like, while they fight for the ultimate control of Eternia and Castle Grayskull.
You vs. Wild: Out Cold (Netflix interactive special streaming 9/14)
Bear Grylls can’t stop punishing himself with interactive specials, in which viewers can choose the most entertaining paths for him after he sets out to survive harsh elements, this time in ice-ravaged mountains. There’s a narrative here, involving an amnesia-stricken Bear, who’s following up on the events of his plane crash…. what? He’s asking the audience to help him (and his pilot) get out of harm’s way, but who knows what will really happen? Well, you will know when you decide whether Bear will survive run-ins with wildlife and journeys through freezing tunnels. Do we think Bear Grylls will try to drink his pee and discover it is frozen while dressed like a Thrones character? I can’t wait to find out.
Too Hot To Handle: Latino (Netflix series premiering 9/14)
This frustratingly horny dating show’s all about figuring out whether any of the sexy singles can withstand the no-kissing and no-heavy-petting and no-masturbation rules of the house, this time with contestants from LATAM and Spain. It’s somehow sexy but not-sexy at the same time, and the show’s inspired by a Seinfeld episode, in which Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer all tried super-hard to withstand the urge to self-pleasure themselves. I dunno, man. Questions of proof abound, but people sure are entertained by this Netflix show.
The World’s Most Amazing Vacation Rentals: Season 2 (Netflix series streaming 9/14)
In case you wanted to live vicariously in more ways that one (to forget the pandemic and dream beyond your budget), behold more incredible properties that will make you feel terribly and wonderfully envious.
Nailed It!: Season 6 (Netflix series streaming 9/15)
This whackadoodle baking series will cover multiple new themes this season, including paranormal pastries and some hot messes of chocolate masterpieces. On a separate note, the show will also include a Black history-themed round of sweet-treat competition.
Chicago Party Aunt (Netflix series streaming 9/17)
This half-hour animated series aims for laughs and revolves around the title character with the following mantra: “If life gives you lemons, turn that shit into Mike’s Hard Lemonade.” This one ain’t for the kids.
This documentary details the life and times of Formula 1 icon Michael Schumacher while aiming to be both critical and sensitive of its subject matter, which was given a rare blessing by Schumacher’s family. Gather round to watch the stratospheric rise of this complex athlete, one who possessed a desire for perfection and a spirit for fighting.
Here’s a full list of what’s been added in the last week:
Avail. 9/13 Countdown: Inspiration4 Mission to Space
Avail. 9/14 A StoryBots Space Adventure
Jack Whitehall: Travels with My Father: Season 5 The World’s Most Amazing Vacation Rentals: Season 2 You vs. Wild: Out Cold
Avail. 9/15 Nailed It!: Season 6 Nightbooks
Saved by the Bell: Seasons 1-9 Schumacher
Too Hot To Handle Latino
Avail. 9/16 He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
Jaws
Jaws 2
Jaws 3
Jaws: The Revenge
My Heroes Were Cowboys
Avail. 9/17 Ankahi Kahaniya
Chicago Party Aunt
The Father Who Moves Mountains
Sex Education: Season 3 Squid Game
The Stronghold
Avail. 9/19 Dark Skies
And here’s what’s leaving next week, so it’s your last chance:
Leaving 9/14
Pawn Stars: Season 2
Leaving 9/15 Angry Birds: Seasons 1-2 As Above, So Below
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Leaving 9/16 Penny Dreadful: Seasons 1-3
Leaving 9/18 Beauty & the Beast: Seasons 1-4
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