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Kim Petras Wants You To Get Closer With Her ‘Twins’ On The Tropical Pop ‘Coconuts’

This past August, Kim Petras announced that she had signed with Republic Records — home to Taylor Swift, Post Malone, and Ariana Grande — and that her debut album will be coming soon via the new label. While no official date has been announced yet, we do know that it’s due out in 2022 and the tracks have been trickling in.

In the video for the synth-heavy “Future Starts Now,” she was a Paris party diva coming across like a young Kylie Minogue. It came on the heels of “Malibu,” which saw Petras exploring a more expansive, sunnier sound, a la Katy Perry. Now on “Coconuts,” she’s very much still into those beachside vibes as she sings sweetly about… well, her boobs. It’s got “song of the summer” vibes in the dead of winter, which could be both a welcome sweater and god’s work, depending on how cold it is where you are.

In the song, she sings about giving her ta-tas different names “like Mary-Kate and Ashley,” referencing the Olsen twins at one turn, and then “Cartier and Tiffany,” name-checking high-end jewelers. It treads the line between body-positive and being downright forwardly provocative, but that’s what makes it so fun.

Watch the lyric video for “Coconuts” above. Out now via Republic Records / Amigo Records.

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The Best Accessories To Give The Man Who Has (Almost) Everything

Welcome to the ultimate men’s accessory holiday gift guide, in which we attempt to make shopping for the man in your life as easy, streamlined, and hassle-free as possible. In our guide you won’t find any corny gag gifts or holiday cliches like a pair of socks (though socks are nice and everyone needs them!) or a necktie, we put time into curating a thoughtful list that you’ll actually be proud to gift. Whether it’s a tool that’ll help lead to better health, a travel essential, or just the latest cool gadget for your dude to nerd out on, we’ve got all the bases covered.

The following gifts are practical, functional, and ultimately, pretty f*cking cool. So they’re sure to be a hit with any man in your life, from that new flame to a friend and anything in between. Let’s get to it.

A High Quality Phone Case

Accesories Gift Guide
Otter Box

Price: $64.95

Everybody needs a phone case. But after you drop $1000+ on a new iPhone, who wants to throw down another handful of dough just to protect it from damage? Why are we spending so much money on such delicate devices but don’t want to pay to adequately protect said devices from harm? It’s one of life’s great mysteries. So buy one for him, and since it’s a gift you might as well go all out and get a really nice one.

It doesn’t have to be the phone case above (though we dig that one) — you should probably make sure the person you’re buying for has an iPhone — but Otterbox makes all sorts of reinforced cases for almost every modern model of smartphone including some nice clear cases that will still show off his expensive devices.

Bottom Line: A good quality phone case is a sweet gesture that solves a problem everybody has, but no one wants to deal with.

Buy It Here

Dorset Crystal Double Old-Fashioned Glasses

Men's Gift Guide
Williams Sonoma

Price: $79.95

No gimmicks, no stupid glass skulls or designs or engravings, this is just a simple, classy Whiskey glass to sip an Old Fashioned out of. Produced at an almost century-old Slovenian glassworks from hand-cut crystal, this four-set collection of glasses was designed to capture and reflect light and give your cocktails a sparkling presentation.

Bottom Line: It’s the perfect accompaniment to a bar cart — hey, that’s another suggestion on our list!

Buy It Here

Maison de Sabré — The Slim Bifold

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
Maison De Sabre

Price: $129

Everybody wants a nice wallet, but we have to admit that there is something inherently silly about throwing down a lot of money for something that is ultimately designed for the sole purpose of holding money. It’s like buying a nice trash can. This is why a lot of men end up with weird random wallets that they just happen upon like Uncle Leo.

This is why a nice wallet makes a great gift. Maison de Sabré makes a particularly nice leather bi-fold wallet that comes in a variety of beautiful colors and is constructed from soft top-grain leather. It’s so nice that it comes with care instructions on how to keep it looking beautiful for a lifetime.

Bottom Line: A gift that’s sure to be greatly appreciated and that he’s not likely to get for himself.

Buy it Here

Logitech POWERED 3-in-1 Qi Wireless Charging Dock

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
Logitech

Price: $129.99

For the man in your life who can’t seem to keep his sh*t charged up, the Logitech POWERED 3-in-1 Qi Wireless Charging Dock has all the power it needs to charge a smartphone, watch, and wireless headphones all at the same time. Compatible with most Apple, Samsung, Google, and LG devices, this charger is able to deliver 7.5w of fast-charging power, ensuring devices are fully juiced quickly.

Bottom Line: Say what you will about the modern era but… we need our devices charged. That’s just facts.

Buy It Here.

UNION x Beats By Dre Studio Buds

Men's Gift Guide
UNION

Price: $149.99

Released as part of famed Los Angeles streetwear brand UNION’s 30th anniversary, this studio-quality pair of wireless airbuds are both stylish and functional, delivering a pristine sonic experience that will help the man in your life really feel the music. The design of the headphones was inspired by the Pan African flag and is meant to reference UNION’s roots as a Black-owned business.

Bottom Line: When it comes to working out, nothing is better and less obtrusive than a good pair of wireless headphones and Beats are the best.

Buy It Here

Polaroid Now+ Starter Set

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
Polaroid

Price: $194.99

It’s never been easier — well since like the late ‘80s early ‘90s — to shoot with Polaroid film, so indulge the man in your life’s creative side by hooking him up with this Polaroid starter set. The set features Polaroid’s new i-Type Instant Camera in a variety of colors as well as two 8-packs of color film, and one pack of black and white.

Bottom Line: This is a great gift. In the digital photo era, everyone loves having a physical object.

Buy It Here

Crossrope Get Fit Bundle

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
CrossRope

Price: $248

Bring an easy and effective entry fitness routine into his life with a nice jump rope set. In truth, you don’t have to spring for this super luxurious set by Crossrope, any jump rope will do, but we like this bundle that comes with four different ropes and fancy ergonomic handles.

The Get Fit Bundle consists of two lighter ropes specifically designed for cardio and HIIT workouts, and two heavily weighted ropes for a full body pump.

Bottom Line: A great choice whether the man in your life is already into fitness or looking to dip their toes into an exercise routine but doesn’t want to spring for that gym membership.

Buy It Here

Zhori Midcentury Modern Bar Cart

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
Target

Price: $252.99

Every living space needs a good bar cart, and this Midcentury Modern style cart by Zhori is all class. This is the sort of bar cart you imagine Don Draper having and features three tiers for bottles, glasses, and mixing tools, lockable wheels, and brass accents over a tobacco wood color.

Bottom Line: Style counts. And this is truly stylish.

Buy It Here

Audio-Technica AT-LP120XBT-USB Turntable

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
Audiotechnica

Price: $399

This is a serious turntable, not the type with the built-in speakers that you pick up from Wal-Mart, we’re talking about serious audiophile quality that’ll make your records come alive with adjustable speeds for playing 33, 45, and 78 rpm records and all the necessary attachments to play 7-inches, as well as vary the speed and reverse play records. That means with two of these things and a mixer, you have a basic vinyl DJ set up.

Bottom Line: Even if you don’t go through with the two turntables, the idea that it’s within reach is cool enough in itself. This manual turntable features Bluetooth wireless connectivity as well as analog and USB outputs.

Buy It Here

Shun 5-Piece Knife Set

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
Shun

Price: $369.95

If you have a man in your life who is serious about home cooking, blow his mind and drop his jaw with this five-piece starter knife collection. $370 sounds like an awfully high price for knives, but Shun makes some of the most seriously well-crafted Japanese cooking knives in the food space, this is the kind of knife a professional chef reaches for thanks to its handling, sharpness, and versatility.

It’s a set designed to last a lifetime, also they just look beautiful! This five knife set features PakkaWood handles and comes supplied with a chef’s knife, utility knife, and paring knife, plus a honing steel, and of course a beautiful woodblock to house it all.

Bottom Line: Helping someone you care about cook better food is literally the gift that keeps on giving.

Buy It Here

Gucci GG Silver Cuff Links

Accessories Gift Guide
Nordstrom

Price: $420

A pair of cufflinks elevates a good shirt from “nice” to “elegant,” so infuse some class and a strong sense of luxury into his wardrobe with a pair of beautiful quality cuff links. These sterling silver cufflinks out of the house of Gucci feature a vintage ‘70s inspired double-G motif and are sure to be the highlight of any outfit.

Bottom Line: Gucci is Gucci. It’s also a particularly good talking point this holiday season.

Buy It Here

A.P.C. Ben Zip-Up Bomber Jacket

Men's Accessory Gift Guide
Farfetched

Price: $1,217

Okay, this one is a bit on the luxury end and is clothing more than an accessory, but every man needs that casual jacket that they can wear daily that’ll stand up to the elements and stay looking fresh. When it comes to bomber jackets, It doesn’t really get better than A.P.C in both construction and style. Featuring a khaki green color and made of a blend of wool, polyamide and cotton, this jacket features a loose fit, oversized pockets, and long sleeves with a classic warm and fuzzy collar.

Bottom Line: This is a jacket… so… not really an accessory. But warmth is highly valued and this stylish zip-up can go with a range of outfits — from formal to streetwear. We think it works when you look at it that way.

Buy It Here.

EDITOR’s PICK: Randolph — Concorde 23K Gold

Acessories
Randolph

Price $329

Let me put it to you the simplest way: I feel cooler when I wear these. Like I’m on my 1973 Paul Newman vibe. People comment often. It’s always positive.

Look…

At the end of the day, stuff — all stuff — is just meant to help us live healthier, happier, more joyful lives. Where that intersects with style is when the things we buy or someone buys for us make us feel more confident and comfortable in our own skin. These glasses do that for me. In part, because they nail retro aviator/ pilot/ Hollywood actor/ roguish adventurer-style without adding any off-kilter ornamentation, but also because they feel valuable and solid.

That 23K gold isn’t just marketing talk — it has heft. There’s some weight to them. You notice it without it feeling distracting.

There are plenty of tech specs to these glasses beyond the gold in the frames. The lenses are described as “SkyTec™ Glass Polarized lenses with Vector™ Anti-Reflective & Blue Wave™ lens technology” — which is more than a mouthful. I don’t really know what those terms mean. I do know that I like looking at the world through them, they’re not straining my eyes, and that they don’t seem to scratch easily — that’s all I need.

That and all the added coolness.

Bottom Line: I wear these every day and feel better about myself because of them. There’s no human alive who doesn’t want a gift that can have that effect.

Buy Them Here

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After this little girl called herself ‘ugly’ her mom saved the day with the best response

A sweet, beautiful little girl sees her reflection as she gets her hair done by her loving mom. And then she utters three little words that would break any mother’s heart:

“I’m so ugly!”

Her mom gasps, instincts kicking in. “Don’t say that!” But by then the daughter has already broken into tears. It’s hard to watch this innocent child’s self-esteem so devastated.

Luckily, mom knew exactly what to say to help her daughter remember her worth. It’s easy to see why this touching video has now gone viral.


“You are so pretty,” mom repeats over and over again, trying to deprogram the negative self-talk.

“You have this beautiful chocolate skin…you got these dimples. How many people got two dimples? You got two dimples! Look at them pretty white teeth!”

Going into cheerleading mode, she says:

“No, you not gonna cry. You are a beautiful little girl. You are the prettiest girl in class. Boom! Tell ’em straight up. When you go to school tomorrow, you gonna be like ‘oh look at my hair, oh look at my shoes’…Baby girl you are beautiful. Black is beautiful, and if don’t nobody ever tell you. I will tell you, you are gorgeous. And you gonna grow up and you gonna be everything that you can be. The greatest…whatever you wanna be. What you wanna be?”

“The teacher,” she says quietly.

“Your teacher mean to you?”

The daughter nods.

“So guess what, when you become the teacher, you don’t be mean. You be the nice teacher.”

And this is not only how you lift a child’s spirit, it’s how you show them a better world is possible.

Though the daughter keeps trying to stare back at the mirror, mom guides her eyes back to her own. Her last words are “You hold your head up,” and they share a loving embrace.

There’s another snippet where the daughter says “Hi, I’m black, and beautiful” and blows us a kiss. It’s quickly followed by a hilarious “Girrrrrl, whatchyou doin’ with my phone?” Apparently her courage was restored enough to record a quick video in secret.

The final thing we see is both mother and daughter grinning ear to ear, and it truly is beautiful. Way to go, mom. This is a moment her daughter will be able to return to anytime her confidence is compromised.

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Weekend Preview: ‘Pen15’ And ‘Harlem’ Celebrate The Power Of Friendship

Pen15: Season 2, Part 2 — (Hulu series) Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle continue to play pre-teens as 30-something actresses, and expect even more cringeworthy vibes along with more unmistakably heartwarming moments. Relationships, both good and bad, rear their heads and test this show’s central friendship. Underneath it all, though, this show remains unyieldingly funny and more than a litte bit dark when it comes to what that dog’s doing in the wrap-up’s trailer.

Harlem (Amazon Prime series) — The world shall never see too many comedy shows revolving around a group of friends who are navigating personal lives and making utter messes of themselves. This one’s got combo of Living Single and Sex and the City vibes going on with a contemporary spin, all going down in “the mecca of Black culture in America,” as Amazon points out. It’s not a great idea to go out and enjoy a social life right now, so if you’re looking for some vicarious living, have at it here.

Here’s some regularly scheduled programming:

How To With John Wilson (Friday, HBO 10:00pm) — The “anxious New Yorker” (as he refers to himself) and documentary filmmaker returns for more slice-of-life, refreshingly funny accounts of existing in the Big Apple. This season promises some unexpected moments with unyielding honesty at every turn. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.

A Clusterfunke Christmas (Saturday, Comedy Central 7:00pm) — Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, Vella Lovell, and Cheyenne Jackson star in this movie about a hotel executive who buys a family-run inn in northern Maine to forget all of her troubles. However, her city ways clash with the small-town, holiday-spirit vibe going on.

Succession (Sunday, HBO 9:00pm) — Shiv’s dancing trauma carries over with Roman feeling suspicious about mom’s new boyfriend, and Gerri is distracted by a wedding.

Fear The Walking Dead (Sunday, CBS 9:00pm) — Is a safe home even possible at this point? Alicia’s going to do her damndest to make it happen.

Dexter (Sunday, Showtime 9:00pm) — The new season is a bloody good time, and this week, Dexter’s Dark Passenger comes out while hoping to protect Harrison from drugs. Also, that podcaster sure seems like trouble!

Hightown (Starz 9:00pm) — Ray’s prepping for a case, Alan has a terrible dinner, and it’s the point of no return for Frankie and Renee.

The Walking Dead: The World Beyond (Sunday, AMC 10:00pm) — Can the group possibly save the future? There are too many living and dead enemies afoot.

Yellowjackets (Sunday, Showtime 10:00) — Playing with guns is never a great idea, but these ladies are doing it anyway with potentially disastrous results. Natalie becomes obsessed with broken men.

Insecure (Sunday, HBO 10:00pm) — Issa Dee and Molly face off with the future.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (Sunday, HBO 10:30pm) — Larry David’s made a friend in a councilwoman before Election Day happens, and it’s conflict time between actor and prop master.

Here are some more streaming picks:

Mariah’s Christmas: The Magic Continues (Apple TV+ special) — Mariah’s the undisputed Queen of Christmas, and she’s here with more magic that might possibly make you enjoy the holiday season. Just surrender already.

Hawkeye: Season 1 (Disney+ series) — Likewise, the MCU is in holiday mood for this series, which begins to pass the arrow from Jeremy Renner’s Clint Barton to Hailee Steinfeld’s Kate Bishop, and Steinfeld is freaking fantastic while Hawkeye only wants a damn break from this hero stuff. This week follows up on that Echo reveal from that cliffhanger.

Santa Inc (HBO Max series) — In this stop-motion animated series, the perpetually jolly Seth Rogen voices what seems like Santa while Sarah Silverman plays the dedicated elf who’s seeking to become the first lady Santa. Let’s hope she kicks some butt and rises above all the dude candidates, and you’ll also hear the voices of Craig Robinson, Nicholas Braun, Maria Bamford, and more along the way.

Queen Of The Universe: Season 1 (Paramount+ series) — RuPaul executive produces and Graham Norton hosts this drag singing competition show that features drag queens who (literally) seek world domination. Representing the U.S, Mexico, Canada, India, Brazil, China, France, and so on, these contestants are fierce.

The Beatles: Get Back (Disney+ miniseries) — The Fab Four (obviously John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr) will appear in this three-part (Peter Jackson-produced) documentary series that covers the making The Beatles’ 1970s album, Let It Be. In addition, we’ll get to dive behind the curtain to watch them prep for their first live show in years. Expect to see some myths dispelled about how this period really went down for the band.

Hanna: Season 3 (Amazon Prime series) — Esmé Creed-Miles is back as the pint-sized, badass title character, who’s still attempting to defeat the mysterious powers that be while Dermot Mulroney’s operative is as sinister as ever. The third season promises more fight scenes and thrills, all while more characters get backstories, and Mireille Enos’ character forms one half of a lady power duo to cross generations.

Saved By the Bell: Season 2 (Peacock series) — This reboot worked out to harness a new generation of viewers, along with those who watched the O.G. effort during their own youth. The ultimate Zack Attack last season meant that Mark-Paul Gosselaar was on hand to portray a bad California governor, but fortunately, Tiffani Thiessen, Elizabeth Berkley, and Mario Lopez all arrived to help make things right. The revival was surprisingly socially relevant, too, and expect more of the same to come with a student leader who finds herself with more of a mess to clean up than she expected.

The Wheel of Time: Season 1 (Amazon Prime series) — Rosamund Pike finally goes not play a sociopath while starring in this sprawling adaptation of one of the most popular fantasy book series (by Robert Jordan) ever. Here, she portrays Moiraine, who’s a member of an exclusive, magical, all-ladies organization known as Aes Sedai. The story follows Moiraine’s dangerous quest with a group that contains the prophesied Dragon Reborn, who shall be the key to humanity’s fate. Whether that fate is to be destroyed or saved, who really knows? Sit back and surrender to the epic journey.

True Story (Netflix limited series) — Wesley Snipes and Kevin Hart star in this Philly-set story about a famous comedian who touches down in his hometown for a tour stop. In the process, his personal life rears its head, of course, and he must confront existential dilemmas, including the importance of protecting what’s near and dear to one’s heart. A lot of that drama comes from the comedian’s brother, which proves that no one knows you better (and worse) than your own family.

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The National Release ‘Somebody Desperate,’ A New Song From The ‘Cyrano’ Soundtrack

Last month, it was announced that The National’s Aaron and Bryce Dessner were composing the score for the new Peter Dinklage-starring film, Cyrano. The film arrives in theaters this month and The National leader Matt Berninger and his wife Carin Besser penned the lyrics to the songs on the soundtrack. While the first track released from the film, “Someone To Say,” is sung by actress Haley Bennett, the latest single is a full-on song by The National.

“Somebody Desperate” has Berninger’s vocals front and center. The track opens with Aaron Dessner on the grand piano, something he’s been doing a lot of for Taylor Swift in recent days. It’s the first new material from The National since 2020’s “Never Tear Us Apart,” an INXS cover that benefited Australia’s Brushfire Relief efforts.

Recently, both Dessner brothers and Peter Dinklage appeared on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert to perform “Your Name,” also from Cyrano. In the Joe Wright-directed film, Dinklage stars alongside Bennett, Amanda Seyfried, and Kelvin Harrisson.

Cyrano is out in theaters on Friday, December 10. Listen to “Somebody Desperate” above and check out the Cyrano trailer below.

Cyrano (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) is out 12/10 via Decca Records. Pre-order it here.

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Gunna And Future Add Roddy Ricch To Their Boisterous ‘Too Easy’ Remix

Although Atlanta-bred YSL rapper Gunna has had a productive year as a featured artist on songs like “Repeat It” from Lil Tecca, “Butter ATL” with Ludacris, and his label crew’s solid compilation Slime Language 2 — including Uproxx Best Songs Of 2021 inclusion “Ski” — we haven’t heard quite as much from him on the solo side of things. However, in September, he did release the thunderous single “Too Easy” with Future, suggesting he might be spooling up for the follow-up to 2020’s Wunna soon.

Today, the hometown hero lent even more credence to that suggestion by releasing a boisterous remix to the track, adding the fitting inclusion of Compton rapper Roddy Ricch, who he previously worked with on both Wunna and Roddy’s debut album, Please Excuse Me For Being Antisocial. The two certainly have established chemistry thanks to their similar, Young Thug-inspired sing-song flows, and Roddy’s slick boasts fit right in alongside his elders as he brags, “First time I called Elliot, Gunna told me to spend two-fifty / Now my chain cost half a milly and I’m plottin’ on a silly billy.”

Listen to Gunna’s “Too Easy” remix featuring Future and Roddy Ricch above.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Adam Sandler Approves Of Haim’s New ‘The Chanukah Song’ Cover With Updated Jewish References

It was exactly 27 years ago today in 1994 that Adam Sandler first performed his holiday classic, “The Chanukah Song,” on Saturday Night Live. Sandler has offered updated lyrics for the song a handful of times since then, but now Haim have grabbed the torch and revised the track’s lyrics to include more contemporary references.

The trio shared their rendition of the song on social media, adopting a simple setup of just two acoustic guitars and vocals. Este takes on lead vocal duties and works a bunch of modern musicians into the lyrics, like Japanese Breakfast and Aaron and Bryce Dessner of The National. She also sings, “Doja Cat’s half Jewish, [Timothée] Chalamet’s half, too. Put’ em both together: What a fine-lookin’ Jew!”

They also teased a tour at the end of a video by remarking how much fun playing the song was before saying in unison, “Should we go on tour?!”

Of course, the sisters’ update wasn’t intended to fix any flaws with Sandler’s original version. Rather, their rendition seems to have come from a place of pure admiration, as they wrote alongside the video, “Sandler we love you.” Sandler himself is into it, as he re-shared the video on Twitter and wrote, “Love you ladies! You are three badass jews! See you on tour!”

Meanwhile, the trio has been celebrating “Haimukkah” this year, during which they’ve hosted giveaways and shared message. So far, they’ve gifted a drum set, tickets to a Licorice Pizza screening, and Este’s signature Fender bass. For their most recent dispatch yesterday, they asked fans to donate to Planned Parenthood.

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The Hosts Of ‘The View’ Vigorously Defended Alec Baldwin After His ABC News Interview: ‘It Was A Good Thing For Him To Do’

Following Alec Baldwin‘s controversial interview about the fatal shooting on the set of Rust, the hosts of The View came to the actor’s defense and agreed that his sit-down with George Stephanopolous was “a good thing for him to do.” As an attorney, Sunny Hostin offered valuable insight into Baldwin’s legal culpability for the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins. She also expressed concern about his mental health. Via Mediaite:

“I don’t think he’ll be found criminally responsible, but any lawsuit they’re going to play this video. I got the tell you, I saw empathy, I saw remorse, I saw, you know, sympathy,” said co-host Sunny Hostin of the interview which aired Thursday night.

“Depression?” Interjected co-host Joy Behar.

“I saw depression,” Hostin continued. “He said he would have killed himself had he felt guilty about this. I thought it was a good thing [the interview] for him to do actually despite the critics who are saying otherwise.”

Filling in as guest host, America Ferrara offered up her perspective from working on film sets, and she mounted a vigorous defense of Baldwin. Ferrara said the actor was failed by people whose job was to make sure he was handed a safe firearm.

“I have handled guns and it’s so many people’s jobs to ensure the safety of every single person on that set. It’s the AD’s job, every producer’s job — it’s the director’s job and the gun handler’s job,” Ferrara said. While she agreed that Baldwin plays a part in the process, Ferrara argued, “it’s not Alec Baldwin’s job to alone to be responsible for that moment, it’s so many people’s jobs.”

(Via Mediaite)

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‘Benedetta’ Combines ‘Showgirls’ And ‘The Borgias’ In Paul Verhoeven’s Heady Tale Of Lesbian Nuns And The Plague

Paul Verhoeven, director of Robocop, Showgirls, Starship Troopers, etc. has always been a horny little altar boy at heart and never has that been more clear than in his new film, Benedetta, a tale of lesbian nuns, politicized Catholicism, and the Bubonic Plague set in Medieval Italy. At 83, it’s nice to see that the man still loves farts, boobs, graphic violence, and sacrilegious imagery as much as ever. As both a Biblical scholar and a nasty little Dutch freak, Benedetta is the movie he was born to make.

Since his heyday as the king of satirical sci-fi action movies in the 90s, Verhoeven has been mostly making European art films lately, compensating for lower special effects budgets with even more sex. Benedetta is the high-water mark of this horny Late Verhoeven phenomenon, a vaguely artistic, deliciously schlocky extended reverie. It grapples with faith, sorta, but it also depicts a Petomane-esque medieval flatulist lighting farts on a stage in the town square inside of the first five minutes. Ah, medieval Vaudeville, these are the kinds of details that really make a story sing.

The plot concerns the title character, whom we first meet as a little girl on the road to a convent with her family (who actually have to pay a dowry to the convent to get Benedetta married off to Christ). Some highwaymen attempt to waylay the family but the devout Benedetta threatens them with divine punishment, some of which seems to miraculously materialize before all of their eyes. Later she becomes a pledge at the nunnery (this is what they’re called, right?) in Pescia, torn between a stern overseer, played by Charlotte Rampling, and Bartolomea, another nun Benedetta had saved from sexual servitude, played by Daphne Patakia. Meanwhile, grown-up Benedetta, played by Virginie Efira, is beset by increasingly intense religious visions — some of which seem to come true, others of which seem to be largely abstract, like when she dreams of a Jesus with a vagina.

The early-middle section of Benedetta, after the setup but before the lead up to the finale, drags a bit, and for a time Benedetta feels as if it’s setting up to be one of those indies that has a collection of charmingly weird elements strung together by too much dull slowness in between. I’ve seen a million of those, and they’re always a drag, both to watch and to review. You want to credit them for the good ideas they contain while remaining honest about the main feeling they evoked while watching, which is boredom. “You know… I liked it when Nicolas Cage wrestled that CGI jaguar but mostly that was shit.”

Benedetta is the rare, almost miraculous, really, two-hour-plus movie (131 minutes, to be precise) that only seems to get better in its second hour. The momentum builds and builds until the action comes to a glorious crescendo, a collision between the plague, Benedetta’s earthly enemies, and her torrid affair with Bartolomea, a finale as delicious as anything I’ve seen this year (including one of its best lines).

Part of the beauty of Paul Verhoeven is that he seems to be a thinking man who doesn’t making thinking man’s movies. His characters rarely yearn silently or morosely reflect; they fuck, fight, fart, betray, torture, and murder. For him, film is not an introvert’s medium, and God bless him for that.

‘Benedetta’ is available in select theaters and everywhere films are rented digitally on Friday, December 3. Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can check out his film review archive here.

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HBO Released Kendall’s Birthday Party Playlist From ‘Succession’ And It’s ‘All Bangers All The Time’

In last week’s episode of Succession, Kendall wanted the playlist for his 40th birthday party to be “all bangers all the time.” Did he succeed? You can judge for yourself, as HBO has released “Kendall’s Birthday Mix” on Spotify. There’s no Billy Joel, but there is the Chemical Brothers, LCD Soundsystem, Alison Wonderland, and KRS-One.

Assuming Succession takes place in 2021, Kendall would have been born in 1981, meaning his formative music-listening years would be in the mid- to late-1990s. There is absolutely no chance that he didn’t agonize the night before the party over whether to include “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” by Eiffel 65 on the playlist. He made the right call to leave it off — even if the episode ended with him feeling blue, da ba dee da ba di, after — spoilers, but you’ve probably seen the episode already — not being able to find his kids’ birthday present in the rabbit wrapping paper. Everything’s great.

You can listen to the playlist below:

And here’s the tracklist:

1. “White Lines (Don’t Don’t Do It)” by Grandmaster Flash and Grandmaster Melle Mel
2. “Man of the Year” by ScHoolboy Q
3. “Fotomat” by St. Maximus
4. “Go” by Geek Boy
5. “Here Comes the Warm Dreads” by Lee “Scratch” Perry and Brian Eno
6. “The Club” by Keith Goodey and Julian Napolitano
7. “NY Lipps (Kawazaki Dub)” by Soulwax
8. “Big Conspiracy” by J Hus and iceè tgm
9. “MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know” by KRS-One
10. “Radio Babylon” by Meat Beat Manifesto
11. “Troublemaker” by St. Maximus
12. “New York, I Love You but You’re Bringing Me Down” by LCD Soundsystem
13. “Don’t Glaze Me” by Dizzee Rascal
14. “Hey Boy Hey Girl” by the Chemical Brothers
15. “Lost Dimension” by Magic Castles
16. “Anything” by Alison Wonderland and Valentino Khan

bangers
hbo