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The Best Movies We Saw At Sundance In 2022

For the second year in a row, the Sundance Film Festival was completely virtual. A lot will be made of what’s missing by not attending in person, and that’s fair. The camaraderie. The energy right before a big premiere. Just being “out of the house,” which I used to take for granted and can’t imagine I ever will again. But Sundance is also tough. (At least as “tough” as something can be that involves watching a lot of movies every day.)

For those who have never been, Park City, Utah, isn’t quite the cozy mountain town you might be imagining. It’s more like a suburban city. There are strip malls, a lot of chain stores, and it is, surprisingly, pretty spread out. Which means getting from one end of town to the other, in the altitude, to get from a screening to an interview, or a screening at one venue to a screening at another venue, is sometimes impossible. (Especially that first weekend when traffic is at a standstill.) So having every Sundance movie just available on an app is actually overwhelming. (Sundance has a screening app that works easily on AppleTV and is better than a lot of actual streaming companies.) Like, as I type this, I can still watch any Sundance movie that I haven’t seen yet. I don’t have to run, out of breath, in the snow, to make it on time. I just have to press a button. After nine years of doing the whole “running while out of breath” thing, it’s still hard to wrap my head around this. Don’t get me wrong, I miss going to Park City. But, next time I’m there, hopefully next year, and I’m lying on icy pavement having just slipped and, once again, injured myself, I will think back to this miracle app with all the movies, watching in my warm apartment, and probably feel some nostalgia for this.

Anyway, even with the ease of this system, there still isn’t enough time to watch everything. So, of what my colleague Vince Mancini and I saw, here are the eight best movies we saw at the 2022 Sundance Film Festival. (Even though these are technically ranked, let’s say these are a loose ranking since Vince and I didn’t have a lot of overlap on what we watched. So both of us are taking the other’s word on the movies we didn’t see.)

1. Emily the Criminal

Sundance

Imagine a student-loan debt-saddled Uncut Gems and you have something like Emily The Criminal, starring Aubrey Plaza as a budding outlaw in writer/director John Patton Ford’s feature debut. There are a lot of films out there about how hard it is to be poor in America, but a realistic victim doesn’t make for as compelling a protagonist as a lot of indie directors think. Being sympathetic alone can only take us so far. Characters more towards the edge of human experience tend to be more interesting, and that’s Emily. Her hard luck story is believable enough, but it’s how she responds that makes her so watchable — in harrowing depictions of various crime schemes that are white knuckle intense in a way that never feels like cheating. Ford has a delicious cynicism towards institutions that reminded me a little of Andrew Dominik’s Killing Me Softly, another nasty little fuck you of a movie. But a true criminal travels beyond sadness to find opportunity in pessimism, and that’s Emily’s journey in a nutshell. –Vince

2. Fire of Love

Sundance

Sara Dosa’s Fire of Love tells us up front that the story of Katia and Maurice Krafft does not end happily. This is important, because after watching this documentary filled with such passion and love – for volcanoes, but, more importantly, for each other – to have the rug pulled out in tragedy would have been too much. Even knowing, it’s still too much. The footage, from the Krafft’s archives, is stunning. This truly is a remarkable film. That, somehow, a movie about two volcanologist could be in contention for the best love story of the year, but then have a narrative where there’s an evil villain lurking. And in doing so we learn the difference between the “friendly,” beautiful red volcanoes (“friendly” in that they are fairly predictable; these are the volcanoes with the flowing red lava) and the very dangerous grey volcanoes (like Mount Saint Helens) that are not predictable and kill people. That when we see these things explode, that grey plume isn’t just debris, it’s basically a moving, fiery hell called a pyroclastic flow that destroys everything in its path. It’s when the Krafft’s devote their lives to the grey volcanoes, trying to save lives, it’s only a matter of time before one will catch up with them. –Mike

3. Fresh

Sundance

Mimi Cave’s feature debut isn’t the first movie ever to apply elements of the fantastic to the horrors of dating. But it’s one of the few that’s able to combine glib observational dating humor with broad visceral suspense and do both equally well. Daisy Edgar-Jones (who I believe has hollow bones, like a bird) plays Noa, who thinks she’s found her dream guy in Steve (Sebastian Stan), who turns out to be hiding one whopper of a secret. That’s one of the easiest pitches in the world, but the beauty of Fresh is that it never gets reductive, never tries to deliver a high-handed message, and offers the participatory thrills of a whodunnit without ever cheating the details. It’s unabashedly broad but still rewards the viewer who pays attention. -Vince

4. Navalny

Sundance

As we wrote before, Navalny follows Alexei Navalny as he recovers in Germany from an assassination attempt and his plan to return to Moscow, where, as an enemy of Putin, he will surely be arrested. (Which he was.) But, in that time in between, Navalny serves as a mystery as Navalny and his team try to figure out who actually poisoned him and how. After some high-tech work to get a list of names, the end result basically comes down to some prank phone calls to finally solve this part of the mystery. And the result is, strangely, pretty hilarious. When this was all happening it made no sense why Alexei Navalny would risk everything to return to Russia. What this film does is present why, in his mind, he had no choice but to return, no matter what the consequences are. -Mike

5. Cha Cha Real Smooth

Sundance

Cooper Raiff’s follow-up to Shithouse (which neither of us saw) follows a directionless college graduate (Raiff) as he becomes a bar mitsvah fixer and pines after an older woman (Dakota Johnson), the mother of an autistic teen. That synopsis sounds like it was designed by an advanced AI to be the most Sundance dramedy plot ever conceived, and I didn’t want to enjoy Cha Cha Cha Real Smooth, but it was so undeniably sweet and eloquently delivered that I just couldn’t help myself. Dakota Johnson is stacking the great performances up like firewood these days, proving yet again how irresistible she and Jamie Dornan can be when they’re not stuck in 50 Shades together. -Vince

6. Honk For Jesus, Save Your Soul

Sundance

Adamma Ebo’s Honk For Jesus, Save Your Soul is a movie where everyone is just going for it. Regina Hall and Sterling K. Brown just give it everything they’ve got as Trinitie Childs and Lee-Curtis Childs who, as the result of a scandal having their megachurch closed, are planning a comeback. And they decide it’s a good idea to have an award-winning documentary filmmaker follow them around to make a movie about this miracle resurrection. What we get is the anguish of these two when the cameras are off, and the forced-positivity when the cameras are on, that are both hilarious and sad. Honestly, I can’t say enough about Regina Hall and Sterling K. Brown. These are both remarkable performances that thread that line between over-the-top and pitiful, with a touch of empathy. A good example is, as a viewer, we know the day their church reopens, there’s no way this is going to go well for them. But there’s Lee-Curtis Childs, standing outside, with a big smile on his face, telling Trinitie he expects 500 people. Then he emotes pure joy when one lone car pulls up … then after a pause, that car does some parking lot donuts and then leaves. -Mike

7. Dual

Sundance

Dual director Riley Stearns became the main character of film Twitter this week, for calling out one of the few critics who dared give his film a negative review (who Stearns said had attacked him personally in the past). While I generally wouldn’t advise starting an esoteric beef within an insular subculture that the general public mostly just finds superfluous and distasteful, I do have to praise Stearns’ movie. His follow-up to The Art of Self-Defense, Dual is another odd little film where the characters all sound like chatbots sharing interesting facts they’ve just learned about bread. Whereas in Stearns’ previous film that arch style felt like an impediment to deeper insights, in Dual it only highlights the feelings of alienation and corporate dehumanization that it explores.

Karen Gillan plays a terminally-ill millennial who pays a tech company to clone her so that her family won’t have to miss her. Only she ends up having to fight that clone to the death for the right to continue her identity. Shot entirely in Finland during the pandemic, Dual is the Scandinavian sci-fi equivalent of a Spaghetti Western, and like Stearns’ uncanny valley style, the vaguely European setting feels like a happy accident that ends up working wonderfully. -Vince

8. After Yang

Sundance

What a haunting film. (And it’s definitely weird that a film this haunting has one of the most fun, best opening credit sequences I’ve seen in a few years.) In Kogonada’s After Yang, Yang (Justin H. Min) is a caregiving robot who stops working. His family has grown attached to Yang as we watch Jake (Colin Farrell) take Yang from shop to shop, always told there’s nothing that can be done, but the good news is that Yang can be traded in for a discount on a new model, as if Yang is basically an iPad that stopped turning on. It’s haunting because this will be our future. Tech will become more and more personalized, yet easily discarded at the corporate level, but not so easy at the personal level. Eventually Jake turns to the black market to illegally try and repair Yang (the company that makes these robots has made it illegal to access their data) and Jake finds that Yang has been refurbished a few times before and has a wealth of memories from the numerous lives he’s lived. But the question is, what made an artificial intelligence choose the memories to save that he did? After Yang is poignant and forlorn, but also always interesting. That’s not always an easy thing to do. In the end, I can’t stop thinking about this movie. -Mike

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Who Dies In ‘Ozark’ Season 4 Part I?

(Plentiful spoilers from Netflix’s Ozark Season 3 will be found below.)

Netflix’s Ozark Season 4, Part 1, recently landed on the streaming service with an eye toward the finish line. All of the main characters are now poised to end the show with a bang, and there’s a strong likelihood that not everyone will make it out alive (Marty will hopefully die, if there’s any poetic justice in this world), but let’s circle back to who died in Part 1. After all, these two big deaths should reverberate throughout the show (especially where the electrifying Ruth is concerned) while setting up the final act for a showdown, so let’s discuss.

Two characters, Darlene Snell (the cocky hillbilly drug dealer who edged into heroin, angering the Navarro cartel) and Wyatt Langmore (who’s perpetuating the Langmore curse by being with Darlene), met their (rather shocking) end in Season 4, Episode 7:

Darlene Wyatt Ozark
Netflix

As reflected in the above screencap, Javi shot Darlene first, and then he went for the stunned Wyatt, for no other reason than to eliminate a witness. “Sorry, whoever you are,” Javi declared while also shooting Ruth’s other brother in the head.

Where this immediately goes from here, one can guess: Ruth will get her revenge. Javi, who doesn’t know what’s headed his way, is the successor to Navarro’s throne while he languishes behind bars. Darlene was definitely the sole target here, given that she had been warned not to deal heroin. And Wyatt got pulled into the middle of this scene because he decided to marry Darlene to keep Child Protective Services from taking baby Zeke into custody. This marriage, of course, upset Ruth because she had planned on running away with her slightly older (but definitely not wiser) brother.

Following the double murder by Javi, Ruth stumbles onto the scene, and the rest of her world crashes down around her. She heads straight to the Byrde family home, where she threatens the hell out of Marty over who killed Wyatt. Jonah (who money laundered with Ruth for several episodes) steps up and is happy to provide that information, and so, the scene is set for Ruth to plot out her vengeance.

Following the Wendy-sanctioned murder of Ruth’s true love, Tom, at the end of Season 3, Ruth theoretically has nothing to lose after Wyatt’s death. So one can expect her to take some wild risks while going after Javi, but at the same time, she’s been the smartest one on the show for a few seasons already. Whatever the case, her path will be an emotional one, but we still don’t know one thing: What happened to baby Zeke?

‘Ozark’ is currently streaming (Season 4, Part 1) on Netflix.

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Joni Mitchell Will Remove Her Music From Spotify To Stand With Neil Young

The plot thickens. A few days ago, Neil Young made it clear that he’d be removing his music off Spotify because of their refusal to shut down the anti-vaccine conspiracies spouted by Joe Rogan. Young doubled down today after most of us his music was pulled, by reminding everyone that he hates the audio quality on Spotify as well. Now, that part might not have any influence on Joni Mitchell, but the first part of Neil’s stance definitely did, as the legendary singer-songwriter has now opted to pull her music off the streaming service as well.

Tonight, Mitchell posted a statement to her website titled “I stand with Neil Young.” She went on to keep it short and sweet, but let fans know they’d no longer be listening to her there: “I’ve decided to remove all my music from Spotify,” she wrote. “Irresponsible people are spreading lies that are costing people their lives. I stand in solidarity with Neil Young and the global scientific and medical communities on this issue. — Joni Mitchell”

It’s worth noting that both Neil Young and Joni Mitchell are survivors of polio, a crippling disease that was, as well all know, all but eradicated due to vaccinations.

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Kendrick Lamar’s Rumored New Single Might Be Dropping Before The Super Bowl Halftime Show

The Super Bowl Halftime Show has become one of the biggest events in music. Last year, The Weeknd cited his booking at the big game as something that possibly drove The Grammys to snub him for his most successful album to date, After Hours, that’s how important it’s become. This year, the NFL has assembled an all-star crew, tapping Dr. Dre to lead Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar and Mary J. Blige. And even though all those veterans on one stage together — or rather, one football field together — is a huge deal, it’s inevitably still Kendrick that’s going to steal the spotlight.

Why? Because fans are starving for new music from the sometimes dubbed “greatest rapper alive,” who hasn’t released much of anything since his electric Damn back in 2017. That’s three years deep into a pandemic with no new bars from Kung Fu Kenny to help us get by. At this point, fans are grabbing onto any hints at all that the SUper Bowl will be a runway ramp for Kendrick’s new album release, and Billboard has got those straws, no matter how flimsy they might be.

Asking fans to vote in an R&B/hip-hop poll about anticipated music yesterday, they dropped these lines in about Kendrick: “sources tell Billboard a Lamar single may arrive on Feb 4. or Feb. 11 before he plays the Super Bowl halftime show.”

I’ll take it! Okay Kendrick, after months of teasing that the new album is done, it’s time to release it.

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How Did Boba Fett Get His Armor?

WARNING: Spoilers for The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett below.

After making his live-action return in The Mandalorian Season 2, the iconic Star Wars bounty hunter Boba Fett is now headlining his own spinoff series, The Book of Boba Fett, which is finally giving the character more to do than quietly stand around before getting unceremoniously knocked into the Sarlacc Pit and left for dead.

However, with Boba Fett’s return comes questions about his mysterious origin. Namely, where did he get that badass armor? Fortunately, both The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett have provided answers to the long journey of Boba’s armor, so let’s start with the easy question of where he got it in the first place: his dad.

Jango Fett Armor
Lucasfilm

In Star Wars: The Attack of the Clones, the bounty hunter Jango Fett is introduced as the template for a new army of clone soldiers to be used by the Republic in its ongoing war with the separatist droid armies. Also introduced is Jango’s son, Boba, who is an unmodified clone of his father. In the film’s climactic ending, Jango is beheaded by Jedi Master Mace Windu, and young Boba is seen holding his father’s helmet, which closely resembles the one he’s seen wearing in the original Star Wars trilogy. That’s because it’s one and the same.

In The Mandalorian Season 2 episode, “The Tragedy,” Boba Fett reveals that his armor belonged to his father who is confirmed to be a Mandalorian foundling. Prior to Boba’s return in The Mandalorian, Jango Fett was accused of stealing the armor and not being a true Mandalorian. However, Boba shot down that accusation through coding in the armor’s gauntlet.

As for how Boba Fett regained his armor following the events of Return of the Jedi, that story was also revealed in both The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett. In the Season 2 premiere, Boba Fett’s armor appears for the first time, only it’s not the bounty under the helmet. Instead, it’s worn by Cobb Vanth (Timothy Olyphant) who acquired the armor from a pack of Jawas.

Cobb Vanth Boba Fett Armor
Lucasfilm

In exchange for helping Cobb Vanth defeat a Krayt dragon, Mando takes possession of the armor so it can be given to a true Mandalorian. (At this point in the story, Mando is unaware it belongs to Boba Fett.) However, from the distance, Boba witnesses Mando acquiring the armor and tracks down Mando on the planet Tython with the help of Fennec Shand (Ming-Na Wen). After being ambushed by Stormtroopers attempting to capture Baby Yoda, Boba Fett enters Mando’s ship during the fray and comes out wearing his iconic armor, which he then uses to wreck a whole lot of Imperial scum.

With his armor secured — and neatly buffed and polished — Boba Fett returned to Tatooine where he murdered Bib Fortuna and began his takeover of Jabba the Hutt’s empire, kicking off the events of his spinoff.

The Book of Boba Fett is currently streaming on Disney+.

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Kanye Wants ‘Donda 2’ To Soundtrack ‘Major Moments’ Like Funerals, Childbirth, Graduation Or Weddings

Now that Kanye is back in a prolific phase, releasing Donda last year and almost immediately announcing a follow-up, he’s got a whole new slew of producers and collaborators in the mix. That’s a good thing, Ye’s taste level in other artists has always been one of his strong suits — except for that whole Marilyn Manson fiasco — and now one of his new producers, Digital Nas, has spoken to Rolling Stone about his time working with Yeezy on Donda 2.

Digital Nas, aka Nasir Pemberton, said he initially traveled from his home in Atlanta to work with Kanye in LA, but ended up moving to the city of angels in the end. “I went out there on a whim, no expectations,” the 23-year-old told Rolling Stone. “Then it turned into me living out there. By the fifth day, my manager gets an email like, ‘Hey, we want Nas out here indefinitely.’ And we’ve been just rocking ever since.”

Not a bad way to kick off your career! As for what fans can hope for from Donda 2, Kanye is planning and hoping to have it soundtrack major moments in his listener’s lives. “These are the directives for the album: ‘If it cannot be played at a funeral, childbirth, graduation, a wedding, it will not be on our record,’” Nas said. “We learned a lot from Donda 1. We learned what hit. We learned what was sticking. So we took from there. It has to be able to be played at four major moments in people’s lives. That’s crazy, right?”

Check out the entire interview here, and keep an eye out for Donda 2, which drops in just a few weeks on February 22.

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Some NBA Teams Want A Tampering Investigation If James Harden Joins The Sixers

James Harden‘s future in Brooklyn is reportedly up in the air after reports started surfacing about his desire to test the free agent market this summer. Harden has never been a free agent in his career, and rumors indicate that he wants to survey his options once the offseason rolls around.

The Nets don’t seem particularly worried about losing him for nothing — the team is not taking calls on him ahead of next month’s trade deadline — but apparently, other teams have some concerns. A new report by Chris Haynes of Yahoo Sports indicates that teams think something funny is going on with Harden and the Philadelphia 76ers, the franchise that has been most closely linked to him should he move on from the Nets, and apparently, they are considering asking the league to open up a tampering investigation if this comes to fruition.

Harden has been linked to the 76ers because of his relationship with president of basketball operations Daryl Morey from their time with the Houston Rockets. Harden is also friends with 76ers co-owner Michael Rubin.

Some front-office executives believe talks are going on now between Harden and the 76ers on a potential offseason move, and this could be considered tampering by the league.

Harden fits the bill of a superstar player, which Morey has said on numerous occasions is what the team wants to get back should it trade Ben Simmons. Philadelphia would be a sensible option for Harden, too, as he’d be paired with Joel Embiid and get handed the keys to the team’s offense, should he decide he want to go in that direction. Having said that, it would very obviously be tampering if there was anything going on here between Harden and the Sixers before a move happens, even if we don’t have anything right now other than the hunches of a few teams to indicate that is the case.

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SNX DLX: Featuring Glow In The Dark New Balance 1500s, Varsity 550s, & The Latest LeBrons

Disclaimer: While all of the products recommended here were chosen independently by our editorial staff, Uproxx may receive payment to direct readers to certain retail vendors who are offering these products for purchase.

Welcome to SNX DLX, your weekly roundup of the best sneakers to hit the internet. We’ve finally made it through the month of January which means we’re just a few weeks away from our first sneaker event of the year — Valentine’s Day. We need it, desperately — the fire drops have been seriously lacking this year, so hopefully, the holiday brings all sorts of pink, red, and white colorways and unexpected collabs from the big brands.

Another Strangelove Nike SB Dunk? Yes, please! The sneaker world loves an event to rally around.

This week follows last week’s trend of being a little lighter than we’d like. We’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here, we’re still sorting out the gems from the trash but we won’t lie to you, things have been grim for sneakerheads. Luckily we have a few dope New Balance drops and Pharrell to save us!

Nike LeBron 19 Polarized Blue and Crimson Bliss

SNX Week Of January 26
Nike

We never thought we’d say this but… LeBron is saving the sneaker season. I’ve made it no secret that so far 2022 has fumbled out the gate providing a shortage of dope sneaker drops. LeBron has been holding up the month singlehandedly, and his best this month is this week’s Polarized Blue and Crimson Bliss LeBron 19.

The sneaker features a snug fit inner sleeve, ankle aligning pods embedded into the upper with an intricate paneled overlay that combines translucent materials with TPE accents. Like all of LeBron’s sneakers, the color palette here is vibrant, combining teal shades with speckled black and primary color outsoles.

The Nike LeBron 19 Polarized Blue and Crimson Bliss is out now for a retail price of $200. Pick up a pair via the Nike SNKRS app.

SNX Week Of January 26
Nike

New Balance 1500 GID

SNX Week Of January 26
New Balance

Looking for a New Balance night runner? You can’t go wrong with this glow-in-the-dark rendition of the 1500. This England-made pair features a mesh and suede upper with leather paneling dressed in purple, white and black tones and features reflective accents at the heel over a full-length glow in the dark sole.

It combines a futuristic design with a classic dad shoe shape.

The New Balance 1500 GID is out now for a retail price of $234.67. Pick up a pair at Urban Industry.

SNX Week Of January 26
New Balance

Nike Dunk High Retro White/Black

SNX Week Of January 26
Nike

If you’re looking for a classic Dunk, Nike is finally doing a refresh of the sneakers simple white black colorway The sneaker features a padded high collar with shiny leather overlays over a pure white leather upper. It’s simple, not worthy of internet-breaking hype, but a classic that will do well in your rotation.

The Nike Dunk High Retro White/Black is set to drop on January 27th for a retail price of $115. Pick up a pair at Nike or aftermarket sites like Flight Club.

SNX Week Of January 26
Nike
SNX Week Of January 26
Nike

New Balance 550 Varsity Blue/Varsity Orange

SNX Week Of January 26
Asphalt Gold

The New Balance 550 is now one of the brand’s most popular silhouettes, if not the most popular. This sneaker looks good in almost every color it’s sold in, but few colorways are stronger than Varsity Blue. Or so I thought until I saw this Varsity Orange colorway.

The sneaker features a Simon leather upper with orange or blue accents over a matching outsole.

The New Balance 550 University Blue/ University Orange are set to drop on January 27th for a retail price of $144. Pick up a pair at Asphalt Gold.

SNX Week Of January 26
Asphalt Gold
SNX Week Of January 26
Asphalt Gold

Adidas x Pharrell Williams HUMANRACE Sičhona

SNX Week Of January 26
Adidas

We haven’t been this hyped for a Pharrell-designed sneaker in a while but what can I say? I’m a sucker for yellow sneakers and Pharrell’s Sičhona is a pretty dope silhouette.

This ultra-flexible sneaker features a Primeknit upper with Adidas’ Futurenatural technology, which allows for increased mobility and sits above a polyurethane midsole with textile accents over a synthetic outsole.

The Adidas x Pharrell Williams HUMANRACE Sičhona is set to drop on January 28th for a retail price of $180. Pick up a pair via the Adidas Confirmed app.

SNX Week Of January 26
Adidas
SNX Week Of January 26
Adidas

Atmos x New Balance 327 Realtree Camo

SNX Week Of January 26
Atmos

The 327 is getting the camo treatment! Made in collaboration with Japanese retailer Atmos, this 327 features a cordura upper with suede overlays, a textured heel, and a graphic tree print. The colorway combines autumnal tones with a black N logo and outsole, and a milky off-white midsole and matching laces.

It’s just a really great-looking colorway, Atmos really knocked it out of the park with this one.

The Atmos x New Balance 327 Realtree is set to drop on January 29th for a retail price of $120. Pick up a pair exclusively at Atmos’ website or aftermarket sites like GOAT and Flight Club.

SNX Week Of January 26
Atmos
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Here’s Exactly How To Build The Best-Possible Chipotle Burrito

Some of you straight up don’t know how to make a burrito. I’ve seen you in that Chipotle line, f*cking everything up for yourself. I’ve waited patiently behind several of these burrito f*ck ups, suffering in polite silence. I’ve seen friends do it, strangers, family! I swear some of you have never eaten a burrito with the way you build these things up. I don’t say this as some sort of magical authority on burritos. I, for the record, think there are a lot of ways to make a burrito and a great burrito comes in many forms. But not at Chipotle.

At Chipotle there is really only one way to make a burrito. And now I’m going to tell you how.

Where do I get off telling you how to make your burrito? Because I care that much. I spend every week deep-diving into the world of fast food, separating the good stuff from the trash, and I don’t want you wasting any more money. I’ve also eaten a lot of burritos. I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California, arguably the burrito capital of the world. My whole life I’ve been a stone’s throw away from great burritos, I’ve had them at family parties, friends’ houses, and the best taquerias in the city and state. I live for burritos. From San Diego to San Francisco, this state is full of unique and delicious burritos and I know them all — mission, cali, double-wrap… my expertise is impeccable.

So let me help you make your Chipotle burrito experience as delicious as possible. Because I’ve analyzed the menu to an almost unhealthy degree and I think I’ve unlocked the best burrito build.

Some Guidelines

Best Chipotle Burrito
Dane Rivera

To achieve the best burrito build it’s important to understand what Chipotle is. It’s not really the build your own burrito bar it pretends to be. It’s based entirely on the Mission Burrito, which originated in San Francisco’s Mission District. We could write a whole article on the rich and debated history of the Mission burrito (in fact, we have!). It’s fascinating! But that’s not what we’re here to do right now. Friend of the site Gustavo Arellano wrote a great piece on it for Eater. Read that for the history, read this for the best burrito.

To be brief, what makes a Mission burrito a Mission burrito is a giant steamed tortilla packed with rice, beans, meat, cheese, sour cream, salsa, fresh avocado, and lettuce and wrapped in aluminum foil. Sound familiar?

Before we get started, here are some simple guidelines that’ll help your burrito whether you make it my way or not (but you should make it my way).

Keep It Slim:

This is the biggest problem with most of the burritos I see being made at Chipotle. Stop trying to fit everything in it, just because Chipotle has something, doesn’t mean you need to include it, especially if you’re asking for “extra” anything. Meat, beans, rice, fajitas, sour cream, salsa, corn salsa, lettuce, queso, cheese, guacamole — you’re setting yourself up for a disaster. For your ingredients to shine, you need to give the flavors space to be tasted.

If the only way to make your burrito work is to double wrap it… you f*cked up.

Keep It Dry:

A burrito can only handle so much moisture, so you should keep that in mind while building your burrito. If you get beans, queso, sour cream, two types of salsa, and guacamole, the person rolling your burrito is going to have a problem making it work and they’ve probably roasted you on r/Chipotle.

The aim should be to create as little mush as possible or else that liquid build-up will rupture your tortilla. If you’ve ever eaten a Chipotle burrito and at one point you end up finishing it with a fork… you f*cked up.

Know The Flavors:

Chipotle overuses lime and onion. There is lime in the rice, and the guacamole, and onions in the fajitas, guacamole, and most of the salsa. On their own, you’d never notice the overuse, but when they combine in your burrito they compound together and create an overly sour and onion-forward flavor.

It’s the way Chipotle hides that their food lacks flavor. In fact, my biggest gripe with Chipotle is that the chain’s food all tastes like it was conceived in a vacuum, there is no harmony between the flavors. They taste good on their own, but together, the balance is all messed up. That’s what makes a real Mission-style burrito or a burrito from your local taqueria superior, the flavors have character. Chipotle has none, so you need to take that into account.

If your burrito ever makes you wince when you bite into it or leaves your breath smelling like you bit into a whole onion… you f*cked up.

Go Inside:

I know it’s a bit more inconvenient, but your burrito will come out better if it’s made in front of you. Every. Time. I know this isn’t always possible, but if you can, definitely go inside and order. Plus your burrito will be hotter. Burritos taste best when they’re hot.

If your cheese has re-solidified in your burrito… you f*cked up.

The Build

Best Chipotle Burrito
Dane Rivera

1. The Beans:

Pinto. Go pinto every time. The pinto beans are tender with a creamy inside and are considerably spicier than the black beans. They actually taste seasoned! The black beans by comparison are bland and in general, not as soft. They have a bit more of a bite to them, it doesn’t really work for a burrito. In a perfect world, you’d be able to add whole and refried beans. But we’re not in a perfect world, we’re at Chipotle — so… pinto for the win!

2. The Rice:

This is simple, white rice. Brown rice is healthier, sure, but if you want a better-tasting burrito you need to go with white rice because the flavor is less earthy and distracting and the texture isn’t as gummy.

Rice in a burrito is more about texture than flavor, the white rice tastes more neutral, so it’s our pick.

3. The Meat:

Get the barbacoa. Look, you can get any type of meat you want, but I’ve tasted and ranked each of Chipotle’s protein options and thought very deeply about which option has the best flavor and it’s the barbacoa, no contest. It has a wonderful tender texture that practically bursts with savory goodness each time you bite into it and it’s way less dry than the chicken, steak, and carnitas.

There is some actual flavor here, notes of oregano, clove, and bay leaf add a lot of earthiness. Not the silkiest and most sumptuous barbacoa you’ll ever have, but Chipotle’s best protein by a mile.

If you don’t eat meat, Chipotle’s new plant-based Chorizo easily beats the Sofritas.

4. Fajitas:

Skip them. I know, it’s shocking because the fajitas add some delicious aromatics to the whole dish, but ultimately they end up diluting the flavor of the barbacoa. You don’t want that, fajitas work a lot better on top of Chipotle’s salad, bowls, and tacos than they do in a burrito.

5. Salsa:

Consider ordering your salsa on the side. Nothing is lost by ordering it on the side, instead, it makes your burrito a whole lot less wet (keep it dry!) and allows you to portion out the perfect amount per bite.

I think when it comes to choosing a salsa, like the meat, there is some flexibility here. I love Chipotle’s tomatillo-green chili salsa, but it’s a bit too onion-y and sour, and we already have those notes covered once we add the guac. So I suggest the tomatillo-red, it adds an earthy, slightly floral, and smokey flavor to your burrito. It’s the spiciest sauce Chipotle has and the most complex.

6.Sour Cream:

Skip it. If you love sour cream go ahead and get it on the side and dip your burrito in it before putting on the salsa, but something has to be compromised in this burrito, you can’t have it all (keep it slim!).

7. Cheese + Lettuce:

Get them. It’s a Mission-style burrito, it’s supposed to have lettuce, it’s their thing. And it’s going to add needed texture. As for the cheese… I shouldn’t have to tell you to put cheese in a damn burrito.

8. Guacamole:

This is what we’ve been working towards. The reason I’ve had you skip the sour cream, get the salsa on the side, and avoid the queso is to make room for the guacamole. The best Mission-style burritos I’ve had were made with fresh avocado, which is more structurally sound and less mushy than guacamole. You don’t have that luxury at Chipotle, so we had to make room for this necessary ingredient by ditching everything else that creates mush and moisture (except, of course, the beans). This is why sour cream had to be left on the cutting room floor.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

If you’ve followed these steps, your burrito should look like, well, a burrito, not some weird tortilla boulder that needs two foils or tortillas to wrap. It also won’t explode all over your hands while you eat it.

Tasting Notes

Best Chipotle Burrito
Dane Rivera

A touch of sweetness from the barbacoa hits you followed by an immediate burn across the palate courtesy of a healthy dab of salsa. The heat starts to dilute once the ingredients combine through your chewing, easing back and introducing the creamy-earthy flavors supplied by the meat’s marinade and the beans.

Crisp lettuce and rice help to create a mouthfeel that isn’t overly mushy, which allows the guacamole in all its onion-y and lime-y glory to really shine as your burrito’s softest substance. You’ll be thankful you skipped the fajitas and corn salsa, this is all the onion you need in this baby.

Take note of how many ingredients I left out of this burrito. And it’s still gargantuan! But it’s balanced, and that’s what a great burrito is all about.

The Bottom Line:

This is the best way to make a burrito at Chipotle. Look, at the end of the day you might not agree with me, but at the very least I hope you use my advice as a springboard for creating your own burrito masterpiece at the embattled chain. And then we can put our burritos head to head.

Spoiler: I’ll win. This is as good as Chipotle gets — trust me, I’m an expert.

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The ‘Moe And Joe’ Episode Of Sopranos On Pod Yourself A Gun, With Guest Erin Ryan


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And You May Find Yourself in Johnny Sack’s House

Lend us your ears, ye piggies. Matt and Vince are joined by writer, host of the Hysteria podcast, and Janice Soprano apologist Erin Ryan, to talk about episode 10 of The Sopranos season 6A, “Moe n’ Joe.”

The episode, written by Mad Men creator and father of M. Holden Weiner, Matthew Weiner, features both a recreation of Led Zeppelin album cover using Sal the lawnmower man, and visual gag using a model train entering a tunnel as a metaphor for gay sex. This Weiner is a “mad man” indeed!

Tony Soprano is both a man and mad at all times. This week he’s mad at Bobby for Janice reasons, at Janice because she’s Janice, and at Johnny Sack for talking about that thing of theirs to the prosecutors. The result is a rare combination of spite and grace to screw Johnny out of his house and give it to Janice. At least Janice, and by extension, Erin get something they want.

Another thing Erin wants: to warn Gen Z about the perils of bringing back Y2K fashion. If you can hear her words over the sound of your puka shells rustling and your Slipknot track jacket swishing, please heed her warning.

Tell Matt what you think about his Mickey Mouse impersonation in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.

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