Month: February 2022

Saba’s new album, Few Good Things, is out now after a rollout that included smooth singles like “Come My Way” featuring Krayzie Bone and “Survivor’s Guilt” with G Herbo, as well as a short film touching on the album’s theme of family, home, and finding peace. Although it hasn’t been out long, it’s clear that the fan-favorite standout from the album is “Still,” which features Atlanta crooner 6lack and St. Louis rapper Smino as all three contemplate long-term love in all its forms.

In Saba’s verse, the Chicago rapper touches on his love for his work and how it conflicts with his love for his significant other, while on Smino’s verse, the soulful St. Louisan offers a scintillating take on a long-lost relationship, wondering if she kept his things around. 6lack’s chorus brings things full-circle, as he contrasts his superstar lifestyle with the toll it takes on his home life.

In addition to the videos and short film, Saba is preparing a promotional tour for the album set to run through March, April, and May supported by Dreamville rapper Lute and the Los Angeles singer Amindi.

Listen to Saba’s “Still” featuring 6lack and Smino above.

Few Good Things is out now via Pivot Gang, LLC. You can stream it here.

When the Sex and the City revival began to gain some traction, many fans were curious if Kim Cattrall, who played the iconic Samantha Jones, would return for the revival series, And Just Like That…, despite her iffy past with co-star Sarah Jessica Parker. The simple answer was: no. The long answer was: absolutely not.

The show managed as best as they could, referencing texts and calls from Samantha, despite Cattrall never being on screen, or involved at all. In a new interview with Variety, Parker address if she would want Cattrall to come back at all if And Just Like That returns for another season. “I don’t think I would, because I think there’s just too much public history of feelings on her part that she’s shared,” Parker said. “I haven’t participated in or read articles, although people are inclined to let me know.”

Parker goes on to say that they never truly expected Cattrall would be involved from the beginning. “We didn’t go to Kim for this, you know,” she said. “After we didn’t do the movie and the studio couldn’t meet what she wanted to do, we have to hear her and listen to her and what was important to her. It didn’t fit into what was important or needed for us.”

This confirms what producer Michael Patrick King also said recently, that he has “no realistic expectation of Kim Cattrall ever appearing again”

Parker instead believes that small references to Samantha are a more realistic approach to addressing the character’s absence, as opposed to, say, killing her off. “Samantha’s not gone. Samantha’s present, and I think was handled with such respect and elegance,” Parker continues. “She wasn’t villainized. She was a human being who had feelings about a relationship, so I think we found a way to address it which was necessary and important for people that loved her.”

So, it seems like for now, we will have to settle for one-sided phone conversations and text exchanges, instead of seeing Samantha and her spiffy one-liners grace our screens again.

Rep. Lauren Boebert can’t stop herself from rootin’ and tootin’ all over the place. She’s got plenty of enthusiasm on her side, but unfortunately, the U.S. lawmaker hasn’t studied too hard on the area where she’s supposed to be an expert: the U.S. Constitution.

Granted, Boebert has received an earful on related subjects several times, including when she received a lesson about the American Revolution after complaining about voting rights. She’s also been roasted after confusing John and Samuel Adams, but her latest slip-up is very perplexing. Boebert is a noted (and proud) gun enthusiast (her family Christmas photo was full of them), but she doesn’t seem to recognize that the 2nd Amendment (her all-important right “to keep and bear arms”!) only exists because the U.S. Constitution isn’t set in stone.

Boebert doesn’t get it it. “The Constitution is not evolving,” she declared on Twitter. “To say that spits in the face of every single one of our founders.”

Let’s just say that people piled in with ready responses, given that Boebert doesn’t appear to believe that understanding U.S. civics is part of her gig. As many pointed out, 27 amendments (and counting) currently exist for the U.S. Constitution. That includes many rights important to Boebert, including free speech and religion and all the gun stuff and voting rights for women and you name it. Also, the Fifth Amendment, which is coming in handy for the alleged insurrection organizers.

Yep, Boebert doesn’t realize it, but she pretty much called to abolish the 2nd Amendment. What a Wild Wild West we’re living in these days.

Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D. B. Weiss have stayed under the radar since the much-maligned series finale, although they did admit that “there definitely are things [over the course of the show] we would do differently.” (George R.R. Martin wishes they had, too.) They’re no longer working on a Star Wars trilogy, but don’t worry, they’re fine: they signed a $250 million deal with Netflix, including an adaptation of Liu Cixin’s popular novel, The Three-Body Problem.

The science-fiction series reunites Benioff and Weiss with Thrones actors Liam Cunningham (Davos) and John Bradley (Sam), who was asked by the Hollywood Reporter how it compares to the Emmy-record-breaking mega-hit. “It’s no secret some of the feedback they’ve gotten [about the final season of Game of Thrones]. And what they haven’t done is take the easy way out. They’ve given themselves another show that’s so ambitious. Elements of it make Game of Thrones look like it was playing it safe,” he said.

Bradley continued:

“I’ve never read a script with more scope to it, with a wider degree of themes and characters, and there’s all sorts of scientific principles. They picked a very ambitious project. I just really hope I can play a part in making a great success and maybe right a couple of wrongs and get them back to where I think they deserve to be in the public eye. So, fingers crossed.”

But before all that, Bradley has to save Earth from the moon. That’s way more difficult than writing a satisfying ending to one of the most popular TV shows of all-time.

(Via the Hollywood Reporter)

There’s one more football game left before the 2021 NFL season comes to an end, and it’s one that no one saw coming at the start of the postseason. A pair of four seeds, Cincinnati Bengals and the Los Angeles Rams, made it through their respective conferences and punched their tickets to the Super Bowl in the Rams’ home stadium, SoFi Field. In a fun twist, the Bengals are the home team, but that’s a discussion for another day.

The two teams are led by quarterbacks who are making their first Super Bowl at different points in their careers. Los Angeles is led by grizzled veteran Matthew Stafford, who they acquired in a trade this past offseason, while Cincinnati has second-year signal caller Joe Burrow at the helm. It’s hard not to get excited by the matchup, and that sentiment is held by quarterback-turned-broadcaster Mark Sanchez.

“This is a quarterback matchup for the ages,” Sanchez told Uproxx Sports over Zoom through his partnership with Papa John’s.

Sanchez recognizes some similarities between both guys, and earlier this week, he broke down what he’s seen out of both Burrow and Stafford this year. Sanchez also dove into Los Angeles as a sports town, life in the broadcast booth, and more.

Thanks to Niners fans buying tickets to the game last weekend, it feels like Los Angeles has been getting dragged a little bit as a sports city. As someone who’s from the area, played high school and college ball there, are there any specific things that make L.A. such a special sports city?

Well, it is a passionate fan base. Playing college here, playing high school here — especially football — it’s a big deal. But you just have to remember that there are so many outlets. And whether it’s the beach, the mountains, the desert, hop, skip, and a jump, or all the teams. You got basketball, football, baseball, hockey, women’s sports, they have it all here. So, it’s spread a little thin, I would say. And there’s a lot of other things getting people’s attention. And Niners fans, they travel really well.

It’s also a destination city. So, a place like SoFi, you’re gonna get people just like the new stadium in Vegas. You’re gonna plan your away game in a destination city like Los Angeles. It’s a special place to play, and especially when you get to play in iconic stadiums like the Rose Bowl, like the Coliseum. That is pretty special.

Yeah, I’ve always gotten the vibe that, I don’t want to make it sound like I’m calling it a front-running city or anything like that, but in L.A., there are so many big events going on that you’re constantly competing to be the biggest show in town. Is that a fair read on it?

Oh, that’s fair. You’re always competing with the next big thing, the newest, best thing, and you have, as I mentioned, so many iconic venues, and it just seems to grow and grow with this new stadium, and now the home of the Super Bowl.

I want to talk about you as a broadcaster. Correct me if I’m wrong, this is your first year doing games in the booth.

Correct. This is my first year of calling games.

What’s it been like getting to do that?

My first two years were in studio exclusively, and I was doing stuff with ESPN, ABC, more college football focus, doing a little bit of NFL stuff on the show Get Up with Mike Greenberg, which was a great experience for me. And I kind of got my feet wet and understood what it’s like to talk on television, figuring it out, understanding the lay of the land. That was a two year deal with ESPN and ABC.

Right after that, Fox came, CBS reached out, and I interviewed at both places, ended up taking the job at Fox partially because of the location being in Los Angeles. Not having to get across the country to Bristol for ESPN and being able to just drive up to the Fox lot made things pretty easy. I can’t lie, I was definitely nervous to call games. I think I got into a groove much earlier than I thought, and it’s a lot like playing — when that thing kicks off, you have a plan, you have an idea, and you’ve gone through it so many times in your head, but there’s always something. There’s always something that changes, always a blitz or a look or a coverage that you didn’t expect, and you got to be ready for the unexpected as a player and then on TV, especially live TV.

It’s just different. Sometimes the telestrator goes out, sometimes we don’t have replay, sometimes your monitor goes out, sometimes you can’t hear your producer in your ear, and you just gotta roll because people are watching and they don’t know at home. Or sometimes you screw up a telestration — I think my biggest pet peeve is when we’re responsible, as the analyst, for drawing with that yellow marker, and highlighting certain things. And you got to clear the screen every time, so if you forget, if you have something you want to point out, and you click the icon to get it, and then you don’t use it, you have to remember you’re on that icon for the next time if you don’t clear the screen. So, it’s a tricky thing that you got to get used to, but I got caught a couple of times and the people who know, like my family members, would text me mid-game, “nice job on the highlighter, nice job on whatever,” they give me a hard time. But it was a great experience, I really enjoyed it.

So as an ex-quarterback, do you find yourself focusing on quarterback play? Are your eyes naturally going downfield and watching wide receivers and pass coverage? Or from your perspective, is it easy to be able to watch and analyze basically everything as a play’s going on?

Admittedly, I gravitate to the offense naturally. I gravitate to the quarterback, I see a lot, mechanics-wise. I have a pretty good idea of what these teams are going to do going into it just for my film study and my background in the NFL, but I really got to push to understand the defensive concepts … maybe not understand, but see them and then talk about them because I’m so offensive-focused, I got to remind myself — and thanks to our producer, Mark Teitelman, he would remind me sometimes, “hey, don’t forget to talk about defense.” And I’m like, nobody cares about that anyway. [laughs]

It’s interesting, because you watch the play live, and then they immediately rewind an all-22 version, and so you see it in reverse. And from years of watching film, when you’re watching in reverse, you’re still taking in information — you still can see routes in reverse, and you see how they got to the final product. And then you see it one more time, and then there’s a delay on, like, a high end zone camera, also, so you can see the back end, you can see the sideline view. So you see it once in real time, once in reverse again on the all-22, and then a delay from the high end zone angle, then the replay comes on TV. So you see it two or three, sometimes four times, so you have a pretty good idea of what you’re looking at.

I didn’t realize that when I first started, I just thought you see the play and talk about it, and then once I got all that extra information, it’s like watching film as the game is going on. That made it so much easier, especially that high end zone camera, because you can really see runs, how they’re developing, blitzes, which gaps, what stunts they’re running up front, that really helps. I kind of unmasked that whole thing there — it’s not as hard as it looks, maybe. You get a lot of video angles to cheat on.

I think you have a good perspective on both of the quarterbacks in the Super Bowl. With Matt, you’re a guy who was in his draft class. Have you noticed any evolution in his game compared to the guy he was coming into the league, or the guy he was in Detroit? Or do you think this is just a matter of this being the most well-rounded team he’s played on, and he’s just responding to that?

Well, I think it’s a mixture of both. You got to understand, he’s a flat out, baller. He’s one of the best arm talents I’ve ever been around, in shorts and t-shirts and obviously in the games. He can throw it from every angle, he’s got that Rich Gannon sidearm to his game when a guy’s running a shallow cross, like Mahomes made has made pretty popular. But he can put it in between gaps, he’s got the no-look thing nailed. It’s so impressive to watch this guy play. And arm strength, as well, he’s one of the best I’ve ever seen do it.

Now, he’s in a position where he doesn’t have to do everything. I think he’s really understanding, after being in Detroit, where it was all on him — he’s either gonna throw for four touchdowns and 400 yards, or it was gonna be tough sledding that day. And they put so much pressure on him, he had to take a lot more chances, in my opinion. And this is just from afar, I think now that he’s in a position where he’s got a run game, he’s got multiple weapons at the receiver position, I think he’s really understood that there’s going to be a time to make a big play, there’s going to be a time to make the defense pay for a look that they give you, capitalize on a blitz, or whatever it is. And he’s starting to realize — just through this season, I believe, and I think he’s only getting better — that he doesn’t have to do it all. He’s got such a good supporting cast, he can let these guys work for him, be the point guard, and then, when it’s time to hit the fadeaway three pointer, boom, I got that one in my bag still.

To me, that’s his mentality, but I love his demeanor. I know he’s got that sly smile, but he’s such a competitive sucker, man. A coin flip, rock, paper, scissors, a board game, he just wants to beat you, and he wants to embarrass your ass. That’s how he is, and I love that about him. So, it’s nice to see him having the success I think he deserves.

Then with Joe, you know a thing or two about getting to these huge games early in a quarterback’s career. Do you notice any things — in his game, in the situation, in anything like that — that you recognize similarities between the first couple years of Mark Sanchez and the first couple years of Joe Burrow?

Let’s start here: There are two very different models for quarterbacks, right? Yes, we both played right away, but the teams are built much differently. We had a top-5 defense — not that the Bengals aren’t a good defense, but we were a top-5 defense my first three years, I think. A top rushing attack my first couple years. So, very little was put on my shoulders. We threw the ball far less than Burrow had to. We had some really difficult third-and-longs because we’d run on first and second down frequently. So, very different makeup and plan of attack offensively. He’s the guy. Much like Stafford was in Detroit early in his career, he’s got to play well for these guys to win. At times, my rookie year, we won in spite of me, it looked like I was trying to lose the game throwing it to the wrong guy. But we had such a good team, and we were so well-rounded, that we made up for a lot of mistakes.

He can’t afford to make those mistakes, because he’s going to put the ball up 35, 40-plus times every week. And I think the most impressive thing, and I’ll finish with this for him, but he has no fear. You got to remember, he’s barely through a full [second] season. So, taking that into account, and what he’s already accomplished, and the way he’s playing, the number of times he’s got to throw it, how accurate he’s been, and then he’s got no fear. The guy just tore his ACL a little over a year ago, and he hangs in the pocket better than anybody. He stands in there, and there’s traffic around his feet. He won a playoff game and took nine sacks. Are you kidding me? You sack a guy that many times, naturally their eyes are going to drop and start looking at the rush instead of looking downfield. This dude doesn’t flinch, and it is so impressive to watch.

The plays that he hangs in the pocket, he knows he’s just gonna get hammered. And he stands in there, delivers the rock, takes it on the chin, gets up, smiles, and smokes a cigar after the game. There’s something to that. He’s very similar to Matt Stafford, very similar makeup, Joe Burrow’s a little more new age. I don’t know about these new glasses he’s got, we got to work on those. But he’s just a straight up baller as well, so this is a quarterback matchup for the ages.

What do you got going on with Papa John’s? And then I need to know what your pizza eating method is: are you one hand and fold? No fold? Do not say knife and fork — you played in New York and they will be mad at that.

No, that’d be crazy. I’m a fold guy. I do enjoy the thin crust, New York crust style, and that’s what Papa John’s has introduced. So basically, they’re asking fans to get involved, and this goes all the way through Feb. 16. But most importantly, the Super Bowl is the biggest day for pizza orders, naturally. And they polled a bunch of fans, it turns out New York style pizza is the number one choice, over Detroit, over Chicago, and all the other ones.

But they basically want fans to get involved and go on Twitter, go on Instagram, show yourself eating your pizza folded up, however you eat it — hopefully not with a fork — and basically just #WhatsYourStyle and #Sweepstakes, because everybody’s got their own unique style, especially in this day and age, people are trying to promote their uniqueness, what makes them them, and this is your chance to show that off.

Spotify hasn’t gotten off to the best start in 2022. The platform is facing heavy criticism for how they’ve handled Joe Rogan and his spread of COVID-19 misinformation on his podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience. Rogan’s actions grew to be too much for some including Neil Young who left Spotify with an ultimatum: remove Joe Rogan’s podcast or remove my music from the platform. So far, Spotify has sided with Rogan which left Young and other artists like India.Arie, Graham Nash, and more to pull their music from the streaming service. However, as users, what if you want to completely walk away from Spotify and delete the app?

How Do I Delete My Spotify Account?

The process behind deleting a Spotify account depends on if you’re using a free or premium account. The latter requires a phone call to Spotify customer service to have the account shut down. However, if you have a free Spotify account, your profile can be deleted through the platform’s site on a web browser. First, visit the Spotify account settings page and log in if necessary. Then, on the Accounts Setting page, click on the closing your account link to the right. Under the “Don’t have Premium?” tab, click on “closing your account.” Spotify will then ask you a set of confirmation questions like “Sure you need to close?” and “Is this the correct account?” before going on to the next steps. The platform will then remind you that your saved music, podcasts, and playlists as well as your followers will be lost. Additionally, you will be unable to use your username with a future account if you decide to create a new one.

Afterward, Spotify will send you an email to confirm that you want your account deleted. For a final time, click “Close your account,” and your Spotify profile will be deleted. Despite all these steps, Spotify will give you a seven-day grace period to reactivate the account through a link that will be sent via email.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — I am so proud of everyone

One of the things we do here at The Rundown is analyze trends. We did this just last week, actually, when we addressed the recent string of television characters suffering heart attacks and other health crises while riding a Peloton. That was fun. And strange. But important. It’s good to note these kinds of things when they happen because you can see little themes develop, either on purpose or through a set of happy accidents. This is why it brings me such pleasure to welcome all of you to what I have decided to call the Golden Age of Phallic Shenanigans.

This all started, if not chronologically then at least spiritually, with the release of Pam & Tommy on Hulu this week. Have you started watching Pam & Tommy yet? I hope so. It is weird and a little trashy and surprisingly sympathetic to Pamela Anderson, which feels deserved at this point, even if Pamela herself is understandably not too thrilled about it all. It also, and I must stress here that I am not making any of this up, features an extended scene where an Ecstasy-fueled Tommy Lee has a full-on conversation with his penis, which is controlled by puppeteers and voiced by Jason Mantzoukas.

Here, look. I would never lie to you.

Yup. Happened. There are numerous close-ups of the puppeteered penis moving as it speaks, to signify agreement and disagreement and all of it. It is honestly remarkable. And the voice casting is perfect. Jason Mantzoukas is a maniac and has been for years, dating back to his role as Rafi on The League and extending through his role as Derek on The Good Place. And now, he’s the voice of a world-famous penis. I’m so happy for him.

Entertainment Weekly has a deeper dive.

The idea to bring that to life on Pam & Tommy was just too good to pass up. While the show’s tone is set firmly in reality (albeit one stranger than fiction), they knew Tommy’s penis had to voice its thoughts in at least one scene, playing the devil on his … well, groin. “We could get away with it because he was high on Ecstasy at that time,” Siegel says. “I felt like that gave us the green light. I like to think that could have actually happened — at least, in his mind. It was fun to write and not terribly hard; imagining what Tommy Lee’s dick would say is pretty fertile material.”

There’s also a section in there on the logistics of it all, which I am including both because it fascinates me and because I want them to win a special effects Emmy for this. That would be great. Consider this me starting that campaign now.

Designed by Autonomous FX and operated by Mike McCarty and Dave Snyder, the talking penis came to life via a combination of mostly practical effects with some added CG. “As a Star Wars fan, I’m partial to the animatronic puppet Yoda, the Frank Oz version, over the prequel’s CGI Yoda — I just prefer, as I think most people do, things that are better done practically,” Siegel says. “From the start, we always wanted it to be an animatronic dick.” Siegel pauses before adding, “Most of these sentences have never been uttered. But we had a guy build us an animatronic talking dick and they strapped it on Sebastian, and I hope to God we got behind-the-scenes footage of that day.”

This is delightful. Truly a banner moment in television history. Think of all the great shows of the past: The Sopranos, I Love Lucy, Cheers. Not a single talking penis in any of them. We are breaking ground here.

Speaking of breaking things, Jackass Forever premieres this weekend. This is good news on a number of fronts but mostly because it allows me to share this GIF again.

Some notes:

• I am a reasonably bright person who has thoughts about lots of serious issues but this is still maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever seen
• Johnny Knoxville’s reaction
• The first pump

This, to me, is cinema. And it’s not the only nut-pulverizing in the movie. Not by a long shot. From a feature in The Hollywood Reporter, a legitimate trade magazine that covers the industry and quoted someone as saying “his nuts are bleeding” in the paragraph prior to this.

Speaking of genitalia, the series’ fascination with them could provide fodder for a team of dedicated psychoanalysts. Nothing seems to turn on these overgrown male adolescents more than having their penises and testicles exposed and tortured, over and over again. The nut-crushing stunts performed in this edition are far too numerous to describe in detail, but mention must be made of Steve-O, who allows a swarm of bees to sting his nether regions. Indeed, there’s so much full-frontal male nudity on display that you wonder whether the performers are either very comfortable in their masculinity or precisely the opposite.

Perfect. All of it. Jackass is one of those things that straddles the line between stupid and brilliant, an honest-to-God time capsule of turn-of-the-century suburban angst and boredom crossed with the most powerful Dudes Rock energy of any project in history, with a dash of horrifying bodily harm. Put it in the Smithsonian. I am barely joking. I might not be joking at all. Jackass explains the last 25 years of American history better than any book ever could, for better and worse, but mostly for better. Blammo, right in the beans.

And somehow, against staggering odds, these weren’t the only two examples of phallic shenanigans this week. There was also this, from The Afterparty, a very good show.

The backstory here is barely important but I’ll provide some of it anyway. Two characters are having a literal pissing contest. A showdown to see who can pee longest and strongest. A macho competition where urine is a stand-in for ego and success and virility. I won’t tell you who wins. I will, however, laugh at the screencap forever. This is a good deal. For me. Watch The Afterparty.

So, there you have it. Three examples. This is officially a trend. I am so happy for and proud of everyone involved. Especially all the penises. Big week for them.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — I will go to staggering lengths to remind everyone about these videos, but this one is a layup

A couple of important things happened this week:

• Seth Meyers had David Letterman on his show to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Late Night, the show Letterman created and passed to Conan and then Fallon and then Meyers himself
• Jeff Zucker stepped down as top banana at CNN after coming clean about an ongoing relationship with a colleague

Two events, both notable, both involving powerful dudes, one featuring a story about a beaver biting a wildlife expert, but seemingly, mostly unrelated. Things aren’t always as they seem, though. Sometimes there’s a hidden thread that links them together. If you read those bullet points carefully, you already got a pretty decent hint. Or maybe you figured it out right away. Good for you, if you did. Don’t spoil it for everyone else, though.

Okay, we hop in our time machine and head back to 2010. “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga is shooting up the charts. Instagram and the iPad both debut. The Double Rainbow guy was everywhere. And over on NBC, Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien were battling over The Tonight Show, thanks in no small part to a pretty powerful blundering of the whole situation by an NBC executive named… Jeff Zucker.

The details aren’t worth rehashing here, at least not in this paragraph. There’s a good book about it if you have a few hours to kill and a decent Wikipedia page about it if you have a few minutes to kill. The important thing here, and the reason I bring it up, is that the chaos of it all made David Letterman very, very happy. Letterman had his own history with NBC. There’s a book and Wikipedia page about that, too. And it all built to a head and led to one of the best runs in late-night television history.

We got now to YouTube. I will not post all of the videos. I will post a few of them, though. Watch these sometime this weekend. Watch how much fun Letterman is having, the little mischievous twinkle in his eye. This is a man who is alive.

My favorite part of all of this is that he’s doing this just sitting at his desk, riffing, with nothing resembling an actual script to go off of, and it’s still massively compelling television. That’s a little astounding. The man was basically hosting a podcast on video and it was the most riveting thing on television. It was thrilling. I watched all the clips again this week — there are like 10, total — and I was blown away all over again.

David Letterman. Pretty good at television. You heard it here first.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — This is freakin’ adorable

Abbott Elementary is a good show. We have discussed this. And I’m not just saying that because it’s set in Philadelphia and they literally rolled out an Eagles blanket a few episodes ago. (Go Birds.) The freshman comedy about an inner-city public school is smart and sweet and funny and a lot of things network comedies were a few years ago and have increasingly not been lately. I like it a lot. Watch it with your family or by yourself or with a stranger. Again, it’s good.

The show’s creator and star, Quinta Brunson, was on Kimmel this week. During her appearance, Kimmel surprised her with a video chat call-in from one of Brunson’s own teachers, Mrs. Abbott, who she named the fictional school in the show after. And it was, well, adorable. Just cute and wholesome and nice and kind of not what anyone would have expected 20 years ago from the guy who created Crank Yankers, but still. Watch that video. It feels good. And watch Abbott Elementary, too.

I say this for you for all the reasons mentioned above and in the link but also so you’ll have context for this screencap…

… and these two…

… which you can expect to see a lot in the next few months if you follow me on Twitter.

Feel free to save these and use them yourself. They’re quite versatile.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — An incomplete list of celebrities who I suspect know how to make a good pot of chili, based on nothing but feel

Keanu Reeves (probably cooks up a big pot for like landscapers and carpenters who do work on his house)
Dolly Parton
Danny McBride
Denzel Washington (does not let you in the kitchen)
Meryl Streep
Any NFL lineman (offense, not defense)
The Rock
Judy Greer
Craig Robinson
Samuel L. Jackon
Paul Giamatti (spicier than you expect)
Yosemite Sam
Paul Rudd and Jonah Hill (but NOT Seth Rogen)
Maya Rudolph
Tom Cruise (decided one day six months ago that he wanted to learn and did not sleep until he perfected it)
Regina King
Jimmy Kimmel
Any musician who weighs over, oh, let’s say 225 pounds
Big Boi from OutKast, regardless of weight
Danny DeVito
Matthew McConaughey
Margo Martindale
Florence Pugh (is there anything she can’t do?)
Former Seattle Mariner legend Ichiro Suzuki
Nick Offerman
Jessica Chastain, surprisingly
Jamie Foxx

This list will be updated as new information comes in.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — Hey, look, a show for Brian…

This is a sketch from Mr. Show. I share it now for two primary reasons: One, because Mr. Show was awesome and I will post sketches from it sometimes just because it makes me feel good; and two, because the creators and stars of Mr. Show, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, just announced a new show they’re doing together for Paramount Plus, and it sounds like some Extremely Brian Stuff.

Via Deadline:

The series will see Better Call Saul star Bob Odenkirk and Arrested Development star Cross as rival cult gurus manipulating the minds of their deluded followers.

It will be directed by Jason Woliner, who directed Borat 2.

It’s kind of wild to track the careers of these two dudes. Mr. Show started a bunch of careers and altered the course of sketch comedy in a substantial way. Cross was an important figure on Arrested Development (an all-time great comedy) and did some stuff on the cutting edge of political humor. Odenkirk has mentored like half of your favorite alternative comedians (there’s a reason he’s in I Think You Should Leave like once a season), appeared in Breaking Bad and starred in Better Call Saul (two all-time great dramas), and just recently starred in Nobody, a John Wick-style action movie from the writer of John Wick where he got to say this line of dialogue.

And now, like 30 years later, they’re still making ambitious weirdo comedies together on streaming services that have only existed for a few years. That’s… cool. It’s cool. I’m happy for them. And happy for me, too, because this show looks awesome. I’m happy for everyone, really. I guess that’s my point.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Paul:

Brian. BRIAN. Who do we think Jason Momoa is playing in the Fast & Furious universe? Villain? Member of the Family? Villain who later becomes a member of the Family? John Cena is already Dominic Toretto’s evil secret brother. Could Jason Momoa be The Rock’s secret evil brother? What if he’s playing a senator who has nothing to do with crime and is just trying to stop the international crime wave caused by Dominic Toretto and his assorted friends and enemies? How has Jason Momoa not been in a Fast & Furious movie until now? How excited are you about all of this?

We know your stance on Jason Momoa, after all.

See, what I like about this email is that Paul covered all the bases. He provided context. He asked some good questions. He asked some completely loony questions that left me very proud of him. And he included a link to a thing I wrote, which stroked my ego just enough that I got a little fuzzy inside. And it made me remember this tweet, which is contained in the link but I had somehow still forgotten. It’s a good tweet.

The smart money here is on the “villain who eventually becomes a member of the Family,” just because that’s the general trajectory of a new character in this universe. Jason Statham tried to blow Dominic Toretto out of the Abu Dhabi sky in the seventh movie and by the end of the eighth, he was babysitting Dom’s child. These movies are not about making sense. That’s the important thing to remember here.

The complicating factor is that we are allegedly zeroing in on the end of the franchise, which very much compresses the villain-to-barbecue-invitee timeline. It’s still doable, though. Anything is possible in these movies. Ludacris and Tyrese went to space. But let’s consider something else, just to get it on the record…

Momoa spinoff.

A Jason Momoa Fast & Furious spinoff.

You can see it.

Be honest.

A new chapter.

A new Family.

The saga continues.

I’m space??????

Okay, maybe not. But let’s not rule it out.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To New York City!

This morning, joggers in New York’s Central Park may have come across a curious, rather illustrious sight. A cube composed of 186 kilograms of pure 24-karat gold, conceived by the German artist Niclas Castello who has billed it as a conceptual “socle du monde” (base of the world) sculpture for our time, was wheeled out to the Naumburg Bandshell this morning at around 5 a.m.

Listen to me. Listen. We have to steal this stupid gold cube. We have to. In part because they are tempting/taunting us with this, in part because it would be hilarious, and in part just on principle. People around the world are starving. Grocery prices are through the roof because of a pandemic that’s lasted two years now and has everyone a little frayed and fried. And this bozo is dropping a solid gold cube in the middle of a park as a bit.

We have to steal this.

No jury would convict us.

Although the work is not for sale, according to the artist’s team, based on the current price of gold at $1,788 per ounce, its material worth is around $11.7 million. Flanked by a heavy security detail, the 410-pound work is set to be displayed in the park until the day’s end.

Okay, the $11.7 million is a decent reason, too. We can split that up. Even chunks for all of us. But mostly it’s the principle. And the money. It’s two things.

And so, as with all things in 2022, an accompanying cryptocurrency is being launched alongside the physical artwork. The Castello Coin, traded as $CAST, is available for purchase online at an initial price of €0.39 ($0.44) each, with an accompanying NFT auction scheduled for 21 February.

Jesus Christ.

I was kind of kidding earlier but now I think I’m actually serious. We have to steal this thing. We have to come up with a plan. Stop reading here if you are the cops or the FBI. It is entrapment, probably.

My working theory is that we do a Fast Five vault heist and rope it with a car or my wheelchair and haul ass around New York with it dragging behind us and just smashing everything in its path. Like this:

I’m open to other ideas, though.

“The cube can be seen as a sort of communiqué between an emerging 21st-century cultural ecosystem based on crypto and the ancient world where gold reigned supreme,” says the Viennese gallerist Lisa Kandlhofer, who was in New York for the artwork’s launch.

No.

Later tonight, the sculpture will make its way to a private dinner on Wall Street, where numerous celebrities are said to be attending.

I am livid this event already happened. There are only so many times in one’s life where one has a chance to dress up in formalwear and steal a $12 million gold cube from a bunch of vultures and creeps. This leaves us with only two options, really:

• Steal the cube now, wherever it is
• Build a time machine and go back to earlier this week to steal it from this gala

I’m open to either. But it has to happen. We have to restore order out here. We’re doing the world a service, really. They should be giving us an award for this. In addition to the gold cube. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.

After Kanye West’s latest jab at ex-wife Kim Kardashian over letting their daughter North use TikTok “against his will,” Kardashian has had enough. On her own Instagram story, she defended her decision to share a joint (adult-managed) account with North and challenged Kanye for his “obsession with trying to control and manipulate our situation.”

Kanye’s constant attacks on me in interviews and on social media is actually more hurtful than any TikTok North might create. As the parent who is the main provider and caregiver for our children, I am doing my best to protect our daughter while also allowing her to express her creativity in the medium that she wishes with adult supervision – because it brings her happiness. Divorce is difficult enough on our children and Kanye’s obsession with trying to control and manipulate our situation so negatively and publicly is only causing further pain for all. From the beginning, I have wanted nothing but a healthy and supportive co-parenting relationship because it is what is best for our children and it saddens me that Kanye continues to make it impossible every step of the way.

I wish to handle all matters regarding our children privately and hopefully, he can finally respond to the third attorney he has had in the last year to resolve any issues amicably.

In addition to his censuring North’s TikTok, Kanye has claimed that Kim tried to keep him from attending North’s birthday and threatened to beat up Pete Davidson for his public relationship with Kardashian.

Last year, Marjorie Taylor Greene shocked her fellow House colleagues by posting an anti-trans sign outside of her office that was directly aimed at Congressman Marie Newman, who has a trans-child. It was a surprisingly brazen move even for Greene, but the issue fell to the wayside as the off-the-wall Georgia representative bounced from one controversy to another, much to the chagrin of her own party.

However, Greene’s anti-trans sign is back in the headlines, and this time (according to Raw Story), it’s because it’s been repeatedly vandalized and stolen. In a new video posted to her Telegram account (Greene has been permanently banned from Twitter for posting COVID misinformation), the congresswoman calls the defacement “criminal activity” as she accuses workers in the building of defacing the sign, which reads “There are TWO genders: MALE & FEMALE … Trust The Science!” According to Greene, she’s had to replace it six times.

Via Raw Story:

“This is criminal activity,” Greene said. “It’s vandalism, destruction of property, so when the person gets caught they’re going to be held accountable. But here’s the scary thing — they work in our building!”

Greene went on to say that she has repeatedly asked Capitol police and the House sergeant of arms to place security cameras outside her office “so that I can feel safe.”

“Because if someone is this crazy, so crazy and deranged over a sign that says there are only two genders, male and female, and they keep attacking it … then obviously they may try to attack me personally.”

In a self-own worthy of Ted Cruz, Greene revealed that the sergeant at arms didn’t think the situation required additional security. Naturally, Greene accused Nancy Pelosi of being behind the decision before going on a rant about how Democrats are “destroying our country” with their rampant sign vandalism.

(Via Raw Story)

The Grand Theft Auto IP is arguably the most valuable name in all of video games. The most recent game, Grand Theft Auto V, is the most profitable piece of media ever. This has largely been thanks to the success of GTA Online, but that doesn’t change how much people adore the GTA franchise.

The success of GTA V and GTA Online hasn’t stopped fans from asking about the next installment in the franchise. GTA V was released back in 2013 for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. The franchise is due a new entry and there have been rumors for years that a follow-up was in the works. Those rumors were finally confirmed on Friday when Rockstar announced that a new Grand Theft Auto game was indeed in the works.

This is exciting news for fans of the GTA franchise and it sounds like Rockstar has finally found a direction for the next game in the series. Of course, a game entering development does not mean it will finish development any time soon — we have no idea when the new game is going to be anywhere close to done, and until a release date is announced, the only thing we can do is just be happy knowing a new game is on the way.

For anyone who worried that a new game being announced meant that support for GTA Online was no longer going to be a priority, they can put those fears to rest. Alongside the announcement that a new GTA is in development, Rockstar also gave an official release date for when GTA Online will make its way to the PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X/S.

This makes sense, because a long as GTA Online keeps making money, there is no reason for Rockstar to stop supporting it.