Month: February 2022

The big question for any new adaptation of a classic text is which parts do you update and which parts do you retain? Cyrano, a new adaptation of Cyrano de Bergerac, opening this weekend from MGM, bills itself as a “timeless tale of a heartbreaking love triangle.”

The “timelessness” might be a tough sell. We get new actors, updated language, and a bold reimagining of the title character, but the Victorian sexual mores and courtly romance remain, making Cyrano all but impossible to appreciate as a modern love story. It’s more like Masterpiece Theater, something to be enjoyed as a handsome museum piece or nodded at obligingly from behind monocle glass.

Cyrano De Bergerac, the actual 17th-century French dramatist who was first immortalized in a famous play by Edmond Rostand in 1897, has since been played on film by at least 10 different stars, most recently by Kevin Kline (2008), Gerard Depardieu (1985), and Steve Martin (1987), the latter in a contemporary-set adaptation in which Cyrano was reimagined as a New York City writer. In every case, the character was a brash wit with a nose so big he was convinced he could never be loved.

In this new adaptation from Darkest Hour director Joe Wright and writer Erica Schmidt, Cyrano de Bergerac is played by famous little person actor Peter Dinklage, the character’s prodigious nose reimagined as a height deficiency. It’s a bold character choice (and a logical one; most big-nosed guys I know smash). It’s also Peter Dinklage as we love to see him: delivering withering insults and concealing mushy sentimentality behind deft verbal parries in a Mid-Atlantic accent. “Isn’t Cyrano de Bergerac a bit like Tyrion Lannister?” is not bad, as seed ideas go. Beyond that, most of Cyrano‘s energy seems to have gone towards sumptuous staging.

This version is still set in 17th-century Paris, Cyrano still pines after Roxanne (the luminous Hailey Bennett, her hair dyed an inexplicable and slightly jarring strawberry — filmmakers love a redheaded love interest), and Roxanne still loves Christian (Kelvin Harrison Jr.). Even assuming only vague memories of a Cyrano adaptation from your childhood (the Steve Martin one for me), you probably remember the basic framework: witty, “ugly” Cyrano teams up with dopey handsome guy Christian to win Roxanne’s affections, with Cyrano providing the words and Christian the chiseled abs and stunning features. (Ben Mendelsohn shows up briefly as the gloriously unctuous fop De Guiche, which is an incredible fop name).

Cyrano is also a musical adaptation, with songs by Bryce and Aaron Dessner, usually soundtracking elaborately choreographed set pieces. How much you enjoy a musical tends to be directly proportional to how much you enjoy the songs in that musical, and Cyrano‘s music is mostly decent. By far its best song is “Wherever I Fall,” sung by Glen Hansard (The Swell Season, Once), a swelling folk-rock number sung from the perspective of Cyrano and Christian’s cadet troops on the eve of a decisive battle. It’s a great number, but also a long one (the movie’s longest), which is weird for something that’s essentially a digression — a song about the hopes and dreams of characters who show up only for this one scene, a war theme in a story about unrequited love, and a contemporary-sounding song in a period piece.

All the while, Roxanne, as you might imagine, seems to be falling harder for the idea of Christian, which is to say, for Cyrano’s words, than for the real Christian’s sexy face and shredded bod. Still, Cyrano protects his secret, well beyond the point of all reason, and the film ends basically the way the original play ends (which I guess I will avoid spoiling here — do we really need to avoid spoiling 120-year-old plays?). Suffice it to say, all of it raises the question of how much use modern audiences have for courtly love. (How much did even gilded age audiences have for it?).

Is it really more romantic to fall for someone’s facility with words than for their physical form? I’m sure we writers — which would traditionally include the authors of Cyrano and all its adaptations — would love to think so, but I’m not convinced that this wouldn’t just be the same human caprice in a different form. Cyrano is based on this basically medieval conception of love as something occurring between two souls, as separate from their physical form, a connection more deep than crass lust for a manly chest or an irresistible butthole or whatever.

A million stories past and present have attempted to explore this same concept, from The Lobster to Love Is Blind on Netflix, and Cyrano‘s version strikes me as especially childish. Thinking someone should love you for some ill-defined, cosmic conception of self and not your general attractiveness to others and affinity for that specific person (the physical and non-physical being inseparable) is about as deep as an Instagram meme (“if you can’t love me at my worst…”). It seems far more interesting to explore that specifically human caprice, of what makes a person attractive, and two people compatible (as The Lobster does), than to lionize this bifurcated, intellectualized love as some aspirational ideal.

Which is to say I have limited use for love stories about people who never admit their feelings. What is romance without chemistry? Cyrano is gorgeous to look at and periodically to listen to, but narratively it’s a lazy take on the material, combining Victorian ideas of purity with Love Actually clichés prizing impotent schoolboy pining over actual connection. In spirit it’s a lot more like the boring, beautiful Christian than it is the audacious homely Cyrano.

‘Cyrano’ opens only in theaters February 25th. Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.

The headlines today are full of Russia’s declaration of war upon Ukraine (which is not being handled in the most graceful matter with commercials on CNN), and some famous people are giving takes that aren’t going over so well. John Cena apparently decided to, uh, promote Peacemaker in an ill-received tweet. And AnnaLynne McCord (90210, Nip/Tuck) is making an appearance that feels a lot like Gal Gadot’s “Imagine” video and a subsequent celebrity-filled (and roundly-roasted) PSA that meant to take unprompted responsibility for unchecked racism in society.

AnnaLynne’s video message to Russian President Vladimir Putin, though, is really something. She declared sorrow about not being Putin’s mother and how she couldn’t have protected him from perceived pain and, in turn, protected the world from his fury.

This might be a poem? Here’s part of what what she professed to Putin:

“Dear Mister President Vladimir Putin, I’m so sorry that I was not your mother. If I was your mother, you would have been so loved. Helmed in the arms of joyous light. Never would this story’s plight. The world unfurled before our eyes, a pure demise. Of nations sitting peaceful under a night sky. If I was your mother, the world would have been warm. So much laughter and joy. Nothing would harm. I can’t imagine the stain. The soul-stealing pain. That the little boy, you must have seen. And believed. As the formulation of thought quickly thought… If I was your mother, if the world was cold, I’d have died to make you warm… Perhaps the torture of unwrit youth would not within your heart imbue ascription to such fealty against that world that seemed so cruel. Perhaps you would hold dear human life and on this night instead of Mother Russia you would call me. And I would set your mind quite free with the love that only a mother can give.”

Let’s just say that “the celebs are at it again” Dril-meme-tweet is making the rounds, and this is one of those things that is hard to believe is real.

And people are wondering if Gal Gadot’s feeling a little bit relieved.

Also, people are marveling over the messiness of what they’re watching.

Following the success of her viral singles “ABCDEFU” and “Ur Just Horny,” singer-songwriter GAYLE has revealed the title of her debut EP. A Study Of The Human Experience, Volume One, is set for release Friday, March 18th.

GAYLE introduced herself to the world last year with the catchy break-up single “ABCDEFU,” which went viral on TikTok and has since peaked at No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100. In January, she released the follow-up single “Ur Just Horny.” The upcoming EP has no revealed tracklist at the moment, but it would seem those two songs will be on it.

In an interview with Rolling Stone, GAYLE said of the song’s inspiration, “I thought I was the one at fault. Like, ‘F*ck, I really f*cked up our friendship,’” she says. “But then I realized, ‘No. They were trying to get into my pants the whole entire time: That was their goal. They never cared in the first place.’ Maybe I’m not completely the problem.”

In the same interview, 17-year-old GAYLE says she is comfortable at this point in her life, aware that she may not always want what she wants now. “I’m not necessarily set on ‘This is who I am,’” she said. “I’ve gotten really comfortable with who I am as a person and what I want. But I know I’m going to change. I know that the things I want are going to change. And that’s OK.”

A Study Of The Human Experience, Volume One is out 3/18 via Atlantic. Pre-order it here.

GAYLE is a Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Maybe you first got turned onto The Regrettes because none other than Olivia Rodrigo starred in their “Monday” video, but there’s plenty more reasons to stick around for this band. They’ve showcased a few with today’s new video, “You’re So F*cking Pretty,” a song and visual that captures an IRL girl crush. The band’s lead singer, Lydia Night, dances and mopes through a little house in the clip, which was directed by Serena Reynolds. “Lydia is the best and we just clicked,” Reynolds said of working on the project. “I love how we were able to collect so much beauty, frustration and sadness in the video to formulate this idea of a person we never visually see. I think the magic is that this “lover” really feels all encompassingly joyful in the end.”

Back when the band shared the song in December, Night reflected on what the song meant to her, noting that it’s the first time she wrote about a girl she had feelings for. “It’s the first time I’ve ever written directly about a girl I had a crush on, and it took me a while for me to even allow my brain to accept the fact that I’m bisexual,” she explained. “I always felt like I couldn’t validate my own feelings because I had never been in a relationship with a girl. But I had a pretty big crush on one of my friends a while ago and this song is an exaggeration of that, but it’s still coming from a very real place.”

“It was the first experience where I was like, ‘Oh, these are real feelings, this isn’t just a sexual attraction,’ and that helped me realize I wasn’t straight,” she continued, “This song means so much to me because it also represents the time we spent in Joshua Tree and opening up to my whole band about that experience and not feeling embarrassed or scared of talking about it. Writing this was important for me because it just validated my own sexuality.”

Check out the video up top.

Britney Spears has made it clear she is not on great terms with her sister Jamie Lynn at the moment, as she has on multiple occasions taken to social media to call her sister out for alleged misdeeds. The latest of those came yesterday, as in a now-deleted post (that was preserved by Pop Crave), Britney apologized for referring to Jamie Lynn as “scum” before throwing some more criticisms her way.

The post starts, “I’m sorry I called you scum but why did you lie about when I went home ??? It’s like you’re going out of your way to lie about me and make me look bad !!! And if I wasn’t your sister I would believe everything you’re saying in your interviews … you’re actually believable !!! It’s scary !!!”

She then detailed an alleged incident in which Jamie Lynn and her and Britney’s father Jamie mistreated her while she had a broken foot. She also claimed Jamie Lynn never let her hold her baby.

Britney concluded by alleging that the timing of Jamie Lynn’s public statements about her is poor, writing, “You have the right to tell your story but honestly the timing … right when people are just counting down the the seconds until I do something wrong, you come out and literally say hurtful things about me lying that’s being so unsupportive and it’s kind of insane … I’m honestly wondering if this is all a joke and you’re testing me because this is so far from you it’s not even funny.”

Find the full post below.

“I’m sorry I called you scum but why did you lie about when I went home ??? It’s like you’re going out of your way to lie about me and make me look bad !!! And if I wasn’t your sister I would believe everything you’re saying in your interviews … you’re actually believable !!! It’s scary !!! You and dad pushed me in the corner about my broken foot and you guys were poking at it … I felt ganged up on so I said ‘shut the f*ck up !!!’ I never stick up for myself, so you were shocked !!! All you said was, ‘dad was poking at your foot, I never touched you !!!’ … you then went into the closet and screamed like a drama queen for like an hour and I was confused ??? Aren’t I supposed to be the one screaming ??? I never screamed at you in front of anyone what you don’t know is that when you were screaming and yelling in Mom’s closet, one of the kids came out and said to me, ‘You need to go say you’re sorry to momma!!’ FOR WHAT ??? I didn’t do anything !!! Let’s not even start about how you would never let me hold the baby … momma’s mouth dropped because you would never say anything you would just yank her out of my arms !!!! You acted like you owned that household and I’m sorry you were too much … I know dad has taken a back seat because he doesn’t do the conservatorship anymore so I guess you’re feeling that your little sassy ass can boss them around, but I’m here as your older sister to keep it real with you and put you in your place !!! You have the right to tell your story but honestly the timing … right when people are just counting down the the seconds until I do something wrong, you come out and literally say hurtful things about me lying that’s being so unsupportive and it’s kind of insane … I’m honestly wondering if this is all a joke and you’re testing me because this is so far from you it’s not even funny.”

J. Cole might be sitting pretty with his place on hip-hop Mount Rushmore, but his influence spreads beyond music, too. Cole has always been a very vocal fan of basketball, even going so far as to join a Rwandan team himself in order to play pro basketball in Africa.

Turns out his basketball influence extends to the states, too. Caleb Martin, who recently joined the Miami Heat, told The Charlotte Observer that the rapper was instrumental in getting him in position to be picked up by the team. Cole’s network with NBA contacts and private gym both helped Martin get in position to be signed to Miami.

“Yeah, that’s my man,” Caleb Martin told The Observer. “It shows that even though he’s accomplished a lot of things … and he’s got so many other things to worry about, he worries about his people. And it’s dope he considers me one of his people, that he takes into account and he knew my situation. He saw me working in the gym every day and you could just tell he appreciates guys who grinds like he does and so that’s a blessing for him to lend a hand out there and do what he could.”

Check out the whole profile right here.

The NBA’s All-Star weekend is often a star-studded event, as both the league’s athletes and other entertainers get the chance to come together to enjoy the host city’s festivities as well as a low-stakes run of basketball games that allow for more socializing than the average in-season game. This year’s festivities were no different, as the league’s 75th anniversary brought out even bigger stars than usual, including retired players like Michael Jordan, who was honored as one of the 75 best players in league history.

But basketballs weren’t the only thing Jordan palmed over the weekend, which led to some pretty amusing memes from social media. When MJ encountered one of those celebrities, Mary J Blige — who’s fresh off her own big performance at the Super Bowl which included a surprise appearance from 50 Cent — their friendly hug apparently turned out a little more than that when cameras caught the hooper resting his hand on what looked to be the singer’s backside. Naturally, Twitter achieved liftoff from sheer reaction energy as fans noted the exchange and took great delight in pointing it out.

One of those fans was none other than 50 Cent, who never misses a chance to weigh in on a viral moment with a meme or two of his own, and in this case, he had the perfect gag, courtesy of his Starz drama series Power. Posting a pretty big spoiler for the recent season finale of Book II: Ghost (which stars Mary as Monique, the matriarch of a drug-dealing family that includes an NBA prospect basketball player, Zeke), 50 shared a fan’s screenshot with the comment “See just when we thought it was all f*cked up.” Of course, if you haven’t caught up on the show, you can click away, but if you’re not that pressed about the shocking ending — which, yeah, I hollered a bit when it aired — scroll on down to see 50’s reaction.

Thanks to very awkwardly timed Applebee’s commercial, CNN and the chain restaurant are getting ruthlessly dragged on social media for some downright dystopian product placement. During the cable news network’s live coverage of Russia invading Ukraine, footage of Kyiv being bombed was interrupted by a commercial for Applebee’s while CNN’s “Russia Invades Ukraine” graphic remained on the screen. It was not the best look as a butt-shaking cowboy essentially danced in the middle of an international crisis to promote the American eatery.

After the clip hit social media, the dunks started flying in fast as people commented that the incident was straight out of a South Park episode and just straight-up cringed at the poorly timed advertisement.

You can see some of the reactions below:

Of course, the Wednesday night invasion produced several awkward moments besides just the Applebee’s spot on CNN. The Weeknd had an ill-timed scheduled tweet that read “LET’S GOOOOOOOO” just as the bombing started. Surprisingly, it’s still up, but The Weeknd did take a minute to say that he’ll be holding off an announcement in light of the Russian invasion.

“Unfortunately i’m just now seeing what’s happening with the conflict and will pause on tomorrow’s announcement,” The Weeknd tweeted on Wednesday. “I pray for everyone’s safety.”

John Cena also garnered a wave of reactions after he made a very odd Peacemaker-themed remark about the Ukraine situation. “If I could somehow summon the powers of a real life #Peacemaker I think this would be a great time to do so,” Cena tweeted on Thursday morning. People were definitely not feeling it.

In 2019 and 2020, Jack Black’s YouTube channel was frequently updated with new videos of the School of Rock legend making nachos, or playing Red Dead Redemption, or washing his car in a wetsuit. But he only shared two videos in 2021: one where he pretended to be both Obi-Wan Kenobi and General Grievous in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, and another where he and Tenacious D bandmate Kyle Gass covered “You Never Give Me Your Money” and “The End” by the Beatles. Where has he been?

Black explained his absence in a new video, “what happened to jables??” (you can watch it above). He’s been recovering from a sprained ankle that he suffered while pretending to have a fake injury during the final episode of Conan.

“My [doctor] was like, ‘Yeah, you’re gonna want to take six months off because you could risk reaggravating this injury.’ And truth be told, I sprained my ankle like 15 years ago on King Kong running towards the lifeboat when I was running away from King Kong,” he said. The video also shows the moment Black hurts his ankle, and how no one on the Conan set was sure whether he was actually injured or just messing around.

Black wrapped things up by saying that although he loves his long-time buddy Conan O’Brien, “I still will be suing you, Conan, because I missed out on a lot of activity this last year. Maybe to the tune of about $100 million, OK? So, I’m coming for you.”

Not even moving to HBO Max can protect Conan from the wrath of Black.

If you haven’t been keeping up with Baby Keem, now’s the time to start. The young rapper was part of Kendrick Lamar’s launch of PgLang, Lamar’s own company and a departure from Top Dawg Entertainment. Kendrick’s next album will be his last on TDE, and it looks like he’ll be releasing his own music after that via Pglang. So far, Baby Keem has been one of the other exemplary artists involved with the label, and the fact that he’s Kendrick’s cousin hasn’t hurt his profile any. Today the rising rapper has released a new music video today, called “16.”

Keem is older than 16, though not by much, and the 21-year-old LA rapper is focused on his love life in the artful clip. Directed by Jonas Lindstroem, the stark visual runs through different locations, following Keem and the object of his affection through backdrops both eerie and mundane. Keem’s debut album, The Melodic Blue, dropped last fall, and his subsequent tour was a solid showing, too. It’s not clear if “16” is the beginning of a new album cycle for Keem, but if it is, this is definitely a great start. Check out the video above and keep an ear out for more new music coming from Keem this year.