Taco Bell does some weird shit. They’ve flattened a chicken patty and turned it into a taco shell — which absolutely no one asked for. They ditched the Mexican Pizza (disappointing Doja Cat, of all people), and they inexplicably started selling wings in a year where there was apparently a wing shortage. See what I mean? Weird. Taco Bell is the most chaotic fast food brand, Wendy’s Twitter account be damned.
But I have to admit, hearing that select Taco Bells in Milwaukee and Southern California would begin test selling Choco Tacos this week filled me with all sorts of questions. In this order: The Klondike Choco Taco? What does the Choco Taco have to do with Taco Bell? Why does it need to be tested? Why SoCal and Milwaukee? Aren’t Choco Tacos already available in the supermarket freezer aisle?
If you’re curious, the answers to these questions are as follows: Yes, nothing, it doesn’t, no idea, and apparently, no. It turns out, Choco Tacos aren’t readily available in grocery store freezer aisles right now. A quick search on Google leads to a variety of dead links, and even the official Klondike site, which says they are available, ultimately leads to a Walmart Error page.
Walmart
The only Choco Tacos I can find are this 24 pack from Amazon, which costs $64. I could probably go my whole life without eating 24 Choco Tacos, and I like Choco Tacos!
So, if for some reason you have an insatiable craving for a Choco Taco, your best bet is, for some reason, the Taco Bell drive-thru (so long as you live in SoCal or Milwaukee). Since we’re lucky (is that the word?) enough to be in the test market zone, we went out and ordered one and gave it the full fast food review treatment, in an effort to see if they’re as good as we remember and worth a trip to Taco Bell this weekend.
Hey, if Taco Bell wants to give us a reason to eat a Choco Taco, we’ll take it!
Klondike Choco Taco
Dane Rivera
Price: $2.99
I have to say, even though I knew going in that this was just a Klondike Choco Taco, I expected a little more effort on Taco Bell’s part. Foolishly perhaps, I did not expect to receive a regular-old, pre-packaged Klondike bar. At least wrap it in a Taco Bell-branded cardboard taco shell holder or something. Engrave a big bell on the waffle shell, throw Taco Bell on the label, do something to make me feel like this thing has a purpose! Because ordering a Klondike Choco Taco for $2.99 at a Taco Bell feels a little stupid, and the employees probably feel the same, judging by my experience ordering one.
“Hi, could I get the Choco Taco, please?”
“The what?”
“The Klondike Choco Taco… do you have those here?”
*long pause*
“It’s a promo-“
“Is that going to be all today?”
“Yes.”
“What kind of hot sauce— oh, right. Uh… please pull up to the second window.”
Dane Rivera
I’d love to listen in on the conversation between employees after some weirdo queued up in the drive-thru during lunch hours to order a single Choco Taco. Anyway, on to presentation. We give it a failing grade. But presentation isn’t everything, all that really matters when it comes to food is how good it tastes, and if you’ve never had a Choco Taco before, I can tell you, they’re pretty fucking good.
True, it’s far from the best ice cream you’ll ever have. There are no bells and whistles, and no attention to detail or craft. This is straight-up ice cream truck quality snackage, so get your expectations in order. But basic ice cream truck snackage isn’t a bad thing.
Here is what makes the Choco Taco good: Unlike an ice cream sandwich, the Choco Taco has a crunchy waffle cone shell, which gives it a superior mouthfeel. It’s crispy on the outside, but still chewy on the inside, and the cone is lined with chocolate, so it’s sugary-sweet with every bite. The vanilla ice cream — if you want to call it that — is a bit basic. It’s watery and muted, but it comes sandwiched inside an undeniably enjoyable snack that combines the best features of the ice cream sandwich, the Nestlé Drumstick, and a chocolate-dipped soft-serve ice cream. It’s creamy, chocolatey, refreshing, and very satisfying. Especially if you’re stoned. …Uh, or so I imagine.
Dane Rivera
The Bottom Line:
The Choco Taco is good. Having said that, you shouldn’t bother ordering this. I mean, do what you want, but if you feel like trekking to a specific Taco Bell just to remind yourself of what a Choco Taco tastes like maybe… don’t do that? If you’re in LA, go eat actual tacos, or do something fun, dumb, and touristy. If you’re in Milwaukee, visit one of these great bars instead. Go touch grass. Do anything, but don’t eat a Taco Bell Choco Taco.
The test they’re conducting isn’t whether or not Choco Tacos should be sold at Taco Bell nationwide. They shouldn’t, Taco Bell fans deserve a better dessert. Rather, the test is to see just how much bullshit we’ll take before Taco Bell has to cave in and bring back the Mexican Pizza.
Don’t settle for less, people.
If you’re in LA or Milwaukee and still want a Choco Taco, the following is a list of all the participating locations. If you’re not in LA or Milwaukee, you’re not missing anything!
Following the release of 2021’s 1176,the !llmind collaborative album that was among Uproxx’s Best Hip-Hop Albums of the Year and featured P-Lo and Rick Ross, Guapdad 4000 has been getting busy at the top of 2022. The ridiculous and hilarious callback to LL Cool J on “I Need Bands” came out last month and now, Guap is pure flow on “Ruthless.”
Produced by James Delgado, “Ruthless” sees the Oakland rapper keeping it cool among a steady drip of heaters. “Big ass arms on me, I ain’t tryna flex tho. Wipe a n*gga off like an expo,” he raps on the hook. The half-Filipino-half-Black rapper is pretty damn likable and always flashes a balance of poise with wit. Lines like “All these dubs in my pocket like lint,” are par for the course for the man with the 10-foot durag that’ll live forever in Grammy red carpet infamy.
Listen to “Ruthless” above and check out Guapdad 4000’s tour dates in support of Wale below.
02/20 – Houston, TX @ House of Blues Houston*
02/24 – New Orleans, LA @ Fillmore New Orleans*
03/01 – Little Rock, AR @ The Hall*
03/04 – Raleigh, NC @ The Ritz*
03/09 – Nashville, TN @ Marathon Music Works*
03/10 – Chattanooga, TN @ The Signal*
03/11 – Silver Spring, MD @ The Fillmore Silver Spring*
Guapdad 4000 is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
At the top of the conversation, Crosby was asked about the Spotify situation and he starting by saying he was “stunned” that his label was cool with taking his and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young’s music off the platform. He also spoke about his general disdain for Spotify, and streaming services in general, due to how they pay artists (not much). He also suspects karma will come to bite them at some point, saying, “They’re not doing the right thing, and in the long run it will get them. In some kind of karmic thing, it’s going to come around and crush them. I don’t know what it’ll be, but I hope it’s soon.”
Then he got to Rogan, saying:
“I think Joe Rogan is… eh, not real impressive. But I think he has a right to spew his garbage. He has a right to do it. I think Spotify has a right to put him up there. I absolutely will fight for their right to do that. I have a right to not be associated with it. I told a friend this morning, ‘Listen man, if I was selling my records in a marketplace, I don’t want to be selling them next to some spoiled meat.’
That’s why I don’t want to be on the same platform as Joe Rogan. He’s calling people the n word all the time. He’s talking about women as if they’re a mouth and a pair of tits. He doesn’t really represent me at all, so I don’t want to be there with him. That’s all I said. I said I’m removing me. I’m not trying censor him or you. That’s of course the first thing that all his fans said: ‘This is censorship! You used to be a hippie!’ I still am. I still have the exact same set of values. I just don’t want to be associated with that guy.”
He also noted that even if Spotify got rid of Rogen, he does not “envision going back,” saying, “No, I don’t want to be in there. I don’t like ’em and their quality’s lousy and their payscale’s lousy and I don’t want anything to do with them.”
Crosby spoke a lot more about the topic, including how he feels about only a small number of artists leaving the platform, so check out the full interview here.
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
J. Cole well-documented love for basketball and his understated, ultra-comfy style have come together in his latest collaboration with throwback sportswear designer Mitchell & Ness. He revealed his new Dreamer X Mitchell & Ness throwback jersey collection after teasing it with the help of viral hoop phenom Hansel Enmanuel, who appeared in a video narrated by J. Cole praising the young, one-armed baller’s audacity to dream of a pro hoops career.
The jerseys are designed to look like ’90s-era NBA team jerseys, with the name Dreamer taking the place of the original team names on each. Included in the initial run are looks referencing the old-school aesthetics of the Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Charlotte Hornets, Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks, Washington Wizards (formerly the Baltimore Bullets), Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, Miami Heat, Phoenix Suns, Philadelphia 76ers, Golden State Warriors, Orlando Magic, and New Jersey Nets (now the Brooklyn Nets). Alas, my beloved Clippers are nowhere to be found, nor are the Cleveland Cavaliers, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, New York Knicks, Portland Trail Blazers, Sacramento Kings, San Antonio Spurs, Seattle Supersonics, or any iteration of the Grizzlies (Vancouver or Memphis). I’m not sure if anyone even cares about the Utah Jazz (they can’t read this; they don’t have internet). Cole also posted several throwback jersey photos on Instagram to remind fans of their cultural impact (including the “bootleg” throwback he wore as a kid — an authentic NBA jersey, but not a Mitchell & Ness one, which was the THING back then).
The jerseys retail for $375 and are available on mitchellandness.com (for now, expect them to sell out quick).
Could Donald Trump take a page out of former BFF Rudy Giuliani’s book and become the first former President of the United States to shoot happy birthday videos for your gun-toting grandma on Cameo? Never say never!
As Raw Story reports, at least one reporter with deep knowledge of the financial predicament Trump could find himself in following his very public parting of the ways with Mazars USA, his longtime personal and business accounting firm, predicts that the former president is going to need to start offloading some assets—and fast. Susanne Craig, an investigative reporter with The New York Times who has been covering Trump’s financial dealings for several years now, appeared on MSNBC on Thursday night to talk about what the fallout from being dumped by Mazars for a decade worth of suspicious financial statements could mean in the short-term. And what Craig sees is: Everything must go!
Trump’s biggest issue, according to Craig, are the hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of loans that are about to come due—and how/whether he’ll be able to renegotiate the terms on them. “If this was a public company, you’d be like, ‘Wow!,’” Craig said. “It would just be so much trouble for them. I think their stock would tank. There would be so many ramifications.”
Though a $100 million loan on Trump Tower will be the first to come due, Craig believes that Trump is in a good position there, as the lender is Donald-friendly. From there, however, “there are other loans that are going to be more difficult,” she said, pointing to his Doral golf club, which he borrowed from Deutsche Bank on, as one example.
“Deutsche Bank has been signaling that they may not want to do new business with him,” Craig said. “None of this is good news. And when you think about how he’s going to have to handle this immediate debt, there’s going to be potentially higher rates, and in some cases I wonder who the lender is going to end up being.”
According to Craig, Trump’s recent decision to sell his Washington, D.C. hotel was a surprise—and indicative of an immediate need to raise cash by selling assets. “He must need cash, or he wouldn’t be selling it,” she said. “And I think we’re going to potentially see other asset sales here. Very few of the main assets, golf courses that he has, are making money. He’s got golf courses overseas, none of them are making money. It’s the exception when he has a business that is making money.”
Paul McCartney is about to hit the road this spring and summer with a just-announced US run dubbed the Got Back tour, his first tour since before the pandemic.
The former Beatle released McCartney III Imagined last year after deciding to continue his classic solo series. It featured collaborations with musicians like Beck, Phoebe Bridgers, and Euphoria star Dominic Fike.
“I was living lockdown life on my farm with my family and I would go to my studio every day,” he said in 2020. “I had to do a little bit of work on some film music and that turned into the opening track, and then when it was done I thought, ‘What will I do next?’ I had some stuff I’d worked on over the years, but sometimes time would run out and it would be left half-finished, so I started thinking about what I had.”
Check out the tour dates below.
04/28 – Spokane, WA @ Spokane Arena
05/02 – Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena
05/03 – Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena
05/06 – Oakland, CA @ Oakland Arena
05/13 – Los Angeles, CA @ SoFi Stadium
05/17 – Fort Worth, TX @ Dickies Arena
05/21 – Winston Salem, NC @ Truist Field
05/25 – Hollywood, FL @ Hard Rock Live
05/28 – Orlando, FL @ Camping World Stadium
05/31 – Knoxville, TN @ Thompson-Boling Arena
06/04 – Syracuse, NY @ Carrier Dome
06/07 – Boston, MA @ Fenway Park
06/12 – Baltimore, MD @ Oriole Park
06/16 – East Rutherford, NJ @ MetLife Stadium
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE — I am still not over this and won’t be for a while
The cool thing about the Super Bowl is that it’s one of the only events we have where everyone decides to just go as massive as possible with everything. We put out more salty/fatty snacks than any reasonably sized group of people could ever eat, we turn the whole event into a week-long party that celebrates… something, and we watch a halftime show that costs as much to produce as most mid-budget Hollywood movies. Sometimes the halftime show features Prince performing “Purple Rain” in the driving actual rain as though he and the heavens had worked out an agreement about it all. You wouldn’t want to do it every weekend, but once a year, it’s pretty cool.
There are also the commercials. The commercials are often kind of dumb and lowest-common-denominator-y garbage because there’s so much money involved that it lowers people’s tolerance for risk. There were a lot about crypto this year, which was… weird. But there was also this one.
I’ve said this before, many times, but I’ll say it again now just to drive it home: It’s fun to pretend that Flavortown is a real place. Like that when Guy Fieri says things like “they teach that at Flavortown University” and he shoves an entire handful of nachos in his mouth, that he is being serious. That there is actually a Flavortown University. And a Flavortown Hospital. And a Flavortown Parks Department that is responsible for filling the local fountains with queso every spring. Let your mind wander a bit on that one. It makes for a fun 10-90 minutes.
But that’s not the point here. It’s a pretty big step toward the point, and I like saying it all a lot, so it’s not, like, nothing, but it’s not the point. The point is this:
There is so much going on here. Starting with Martha Stewart at the Super Bowl. Do you think Martha watches football? Do you think she knows anyone on the Bengals? (Editor’s note: she does.) Do you think she was just there to support her dear friend Snoop Dogg? I could go on. Especially about the thing where Martha is in a luxury box and Guy is down in the concourse with the people and how this one fact sums up their personalities better than any collection of words I could type.
But look closely. Look at what Guy is wearing at the Super Bowl. And then go back and watch his Super Bowl commercial again. Look at this.
Bud Light
LOOK AT THIS.
INSTAGRAM
Guy Fieri wore the exact same outfit to the Super Bowl that he wore during the commercial he was in that aired during the Super Bowl. That is… it’s incredible. I froze at my computer when I realized it. You know those scenes in a movie where a detective notices something on a computer screen and then shouts “ENHANCE” and then stares at the screen for a second before mumbling “My God…”? It was like that. I literally shouted at someone and made them come look at it. They were not as impressed as I was. This deflated my excitement about all of it exactly zero percent. As you can tell, seeing as I’m still talking about it today, almost a full week later. I feel great about it.
Anyway, as far as I can tell, there are about three possibilities here, which I will rank from most to least likely:
Guy Fieri did this on purpose because he is committed to his brand and is a good corporate partner who gives the people what they want
Guy Fieri has a walk-in closet in his house that is just stuffed with like 50 of these exact jackets and he grabs one and puts it on every day like it’s his uniform or something
Guy Fieri filmed the Super Bowl commercial live at halftime in a special studio they built just for him in the bowels of the stadium
I can’t decide which option I like more. No one tell me how it actually happened. I’m having too much fun over here.
ITEM NUMBER TWO — Television is honestly so good right now
HBO
I don’t know if you are watchingThe Righteous Gemstones. I hope you are. It is silly and deranged and just about perfect. I love it very much. One of the reasons I love it very much is pictured above: Walton Goggins as Baby Billy Freeman, a singing and dancing charlatan televangelist who, when we pick him up here in the story, has run out on his second wife and unborn child and is selling something called a “health elixir” via infomercial. It’s really just a fantastic piece of business all around. And it gets better.
How much better?
This much better.
HBO
So, spoilers, I guess, but let’s be clear about what is happening here: In yet another attempt to flee his wife and unborn child, Baby Billy hauls off through a parking lot and tips over the entire trailer of health elixirs that he is towing behind a BMW convertible.
This is… perfect. It’s perfect. It’s one of those little character details that tells you everything you need to know about a character without adding a single line of dialogue. This whole show is operating at such a preposterously high level right now. Please watch it if you’re not already. For you, mostly, but also for me. I need more people to talk about it with.
Hey, speaking of deranged shows operating on a high level, let’s check in with Pam & Tommy, the Hulu series in which Seth Rogen and Nick Offerman steal the infamous Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape and release it on the internet, and which we last discussed after the thing where Jason Mantzoukas voiced Tommy Lee’s talking animatronic penis. I do not take for granted that I get to type sentences like that for work. Anyway…
HULUHULUHULUHULU
I could provide context here. I could. It wouldn’t even be hard. But I’m not going to. This is too good on its own as a little slice of art. Just accept it as is if you’re not watching the show. And come over to my place this weekend to talk about it if you are watching the show. We’ll have fun.
ITEM NUMBER THREE — This is … cool
ABC
The fact of the matter is that I will not shut up about Abbott Elementary and have no intention of stopping anytime soon. It’s great, sweet and fun and silly and everything a network sitcom should be. And it’s set in Philadelphia, which is important to me because, among other reasons, Go Birds. Really just a Perfect Brian Show.
It’s got a great story, too. Creator and star Quinta Brunson named the fictional school where the show takes place after a real-life teacher she had in elementary school, Joyce Abbott, who is still working in the Philadelphia school system today. Did the local newspaper catch up with Abbott? Did she deliver a slew of heartwarming quotes and stories? Did I eat it up like a Wawa hoagie and maybe get a little watery-eyed about it?
Though they talked and texted regularly, they haven’t met up in person — yet. But they had a virtual meetup on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Tuesday, with Abbott in Philadelphia surprising her former student in Los Angeles. Brunson wiped tears from her eyes when she saw Abbott on the screen.
“Oh, my gosh, I’m so proud of you,” Abbott told Brunson. Kimmel later surprised Abbott, who has plans to retire soon, with a five-day vacation. (Abbott and Brunson plan to meet in person the next time Brunson is in Philadelphia, Abbott said.)
This is sweet. It gets better. This is really just a wonderful way to phrase the next point.
It’s been overwhelming but lovely. And she’s still trying to wrap her mind around inspiring a pupil who went on to write and star in a TV show about Philadelphia schools that she named for her.
“It means a lot,” Abbott said. “It’s not that I do the work to be recognized — I’ve never done the work to be recognized. The kids know, the students know, and that’s all that matters.”
And then there’s this, which is somehow cool and powerful and fun in about six different ways and which I fully expect to see happen in an episode of the show in the near future.
When Brunson was a sixth grader, students held pretzel sales and assembled hoagies to earn enough money for a stretch limo ride and gourmet dinner at the swanky Chart House at the end of the school year. Abbott coached them on what a salad fork looked like and how to talk to and tip the limo driver with class funds set aside for that purpose.
Abbott rejected suggestions that they aim a little lower, take a school bus to the Olive Garden or TGI Friday’s.
“When you work hard, you get the best,” Abbott said. “When you see the best, you’re going to strive.”
A good teacher is really something. It is amazing what kind of impact they can have on your entire life. Not all of us will turn that into a beloved sitcom that people like me keep yammering about, but that’s fine. There’s still a legacy there, even if it’s just in your head. Take a minute today and think of a teacher who had an impact like this on you. There’s probably at least one. I can think of about four off the top of my head. Shoutout to Mrs. O’Connor.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR — Let’s check in with Michael Bay
Getty Image
Michael Bay sat down with Empire for a profile about making action movies for about four decades now and also about blowing things up. Mostly that second thing. The man rarely if ever disappoints, provided you are expecting him to do and/or say some Extremely Michael Bay stuff.
Stuff, for example, like this.
There’s one explosion Bay is particularly proud of – an especially ferocious fireball during the attack sequence in Pearl Harbor. “Jerry Bruckheimer showed Ridley Scott the movie,” recalls Bay. “And the quote [from Scott] was, ‘Fuck me.’ No-one knows how hard that is. We had so much big stuff out there. Real boats, 20 real planes. We had 350 events going off. Three months of rigging on seven boats, stopping a freeway that’s three miles away.” While Guinness World Records has the destruction of Blofeld’s base in Spectre down as the current record holder, Bay’s having none of it. “James Bond tried to take the ‘largest explosion in the world’,” he says. “Bullshit. Ours is.”
I could not possibly love it more. Everything about it, starting with the amount of pride he takes in blowing stuff up and continuing to the fact where he keeps tabs on things other people are blowing up. And also the thing where he made a huge epic movie about an important moment in American history that resulted in tons of deaths and launched us into a war with Hitler and his biggest takeaway from it was “we blew up stuff real good.” He is a uniquely American figure. I would read an entire book about him.
Until that gets written, though, I will settle for profiles like this one, and the one in GQ from a few years ago where he delivered a quote that still lives in a nice little duplex inside my brain a decade later.
Hodenfield: Michael was saying he was gonna go about the movie differently—he was gonna hold shots longer, he wasn’t gonna move the camera as much. This was gonna be like a classic movie. The first day we started shooting, he wasn’t using his fast-moving, fast cuts, low shots—his bag of tricks—and it was like watching an Italian speak without his hands. By lunchtime, we’re making a Michael Bay movie, in the Michael Bay style.
Bay: I don’t change my style for anybody. Pussies do that.
We should interview Michael Bay once a year. About anything. Put it on every channel of the television like it’s the State of the Union. Let him blow something up at the end. These are good ideas.
Two of my favorite things in the world, in no particular order:
People bring harmless rascals on the internet
The music of the Beastie Boys
That is why this video, which mashes together the song “Intergalactic” with the thing from the deeply troubled Death on the Nile movie where Gal Gadot says the phrase “enough champagne to fill the Nile,” is so great. For me. Maybe for you, too. I hope so, at least. But I’m the one with the weekly goofball roundup column here so it’s getting posted no matter how you feel about it. This is just how things work out sometimes. It’s fine.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Justin:
BRIAN
WE’VE GOT A “NOT SO DIFFERENT” IN THE TRAILER OF THE ELVIS MOVIE
AND TOM HANKS SAYS IT
ARE YOU OKAY?
I need to be clear about something: So many people reached out to me about this. The trailer dropped on Thursday and within an hour I had received texts, emails, tweets, and direct messages alerting me to the fact that Tom Hanks — in layers of makeup and with a borderline indecipherable accent — delivers a variation of my beloved “not so different” line of dialogue. Look at this.
WB
To recap:
Baz Luhrmann is making a movie about Elvis Presley
This is all quite magnificent. As is the thing where a million people saw it happen and decided to reach out to me about it. We’re all doing great. Especially me and Tom Hanks. The rest of us, too, though.
An abandoned cargo ship packed with cars is adrift in the Atlantic Ocean, after a rapidly-spreading fire on board forced the crew to escape.
The 656 foot-long Felicity Ace roll-on/roll-off car-carrying ship caught fire in the North Atlantic on Wednesday as it carried cargo, including Porsches and Volkswagens, from Emden, Germany to Davisville, Rhode Island. At the time of the fire’s outbreak, the ship was sailing 90 nautical miles southwest of Portugal’s Azores, according to a statement on Wednesday by the Portuguese Navy.
A few notes here:
There is a flaming zombie boat floating around the ocean with millions of dollars worth of luxury cars on it
This is like the setup for a movie where a crew of thieves takes to the seas to steal the cars before the boat sinks
Felicity Ace would be a great name for one of the members of the crew, probably played by, like, Florence Pugh
Moving on.
Porsche confirmed to CNN Business that a number of its cars were among the cargo and that customers with cars on board the burning ship are being contacted by their dealers.
“While it remains too early to confirm what occurred and next steps, we are — along with our colleagues at Porsche AG — supporting our customers and our dealers as best we can to find solutions,” said Angus Fitton, Vice President of PR at Porsche Cars North America. “We are in contact with the shipping company and the details of the cars on board are now known.”
“Hey, is this Randy?”
“Yes.”
“Hi, Randy. I have some good news and bad news about the Porsche you ordered.”
“Okay…”
“The good news is that it departed from Europe on time and is currently on the boat.”
“Great. What’s the bad news?”
“The boat is currently engulfed in flames and floating through the ocean without a crew like a ghost ship from a movie Orlando Bloom plays a pirate.”
“Ah.”
There was also this tweet on the subject, which went viral as hell this week for reasons you will understand immediately.
BREAKING: A giant cargo ship “Felicity Ace” is on fire in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
It’s carrying a cargo of Porsche and VW automobiles.
The crew safely abandoned ship in lifeboats. Under maritime law the ship is now “finders keepers.” pic.twitter.com/gHLqHncrOi
I don’t know if this last part is true. I kind of don’t want to look it up to check. All I know for certain is that you can say almost anything after the phrase “under maritime law” and I would probably believe it.
Please do not use this information to scam me. Thank you.
“You know, when we took that picture in Brooklyn, some guys were driving by, and just when we were about to take it, those guys rolled down their window and said ‘Hey! Are you the Teriyaki Boyz?!’” Tablo, the frontman of Epik High, shares. He is pointing at the framed Map The Soul 2009 tour poster propped up behind me that was signed to my name. It’s been 13 years since that encounter and through it all, Tablo has managed to navigate the trials and tribulations of life, balancing marriage and fatherhood, while being one of the three geniuses behind the Korean alternative hip-hop group Epik High.
Considerably penning some of the most powerful and intricate bars in music, Tablo (whose real name is Daniel Lee) alongside Mithra Jin and Tukutz, has been in the Korean rap game for over 20 years — debuting in 2003 (though formed in 2001). Some of their greatest hits like “Umbrella”, “Run,” and “1 Minute, 1 Second” preach like biblical verses that can name them the Holy Trinity of hip-hop; as the consistent callouts on our vulnerabilities, love, society, and our mental health remain evident in their discography. Not to mention how seamless the three finesse music that can be dark, grim, and real, and then counteracting that with a visual component full of satire and fun.
“Well, see the thing with Epik High — and I think it’s the key to our success — we’re not very self-serious,” Tablo says via Zoom, while donning a white ‘90s style Nirvana tee. It’s always been like that over the last two decades. Epik High may be the legendary hip-hop trio everyone knows, but to the guys themselves, it’s a camaraderie of three who are continuing to experience life together while doing what they love to do.
With 10 studio albums, two EPs, and a couple of compilations and remixes under their belt, Epik High are on the forefront of Korean hip-hop, amplifying the genre to the mainstream. Their achievements and success speak for themselves: iconic collaborations ranging from underground to international artists, groundbreaking performances at Coachella, award-winning projects — they’re all more than epic.
Part one of their two-part tenth album, Epik High Is Here Part 1, paints the grim reality of the human condition in the midst of adapting to the new norm in the global pandemic. However, with the release of Epik High Is Here Part 2, the 12-track project serves as the sonic journey of what seems to be the beginning of the end. Lead singles “Super Rare” and “Gray So Gray” — two songs with polar opposites in meaning — Tablo, Mithra Jin, and Tukutz perfectly encapsulate the duality of susceptibility and badassery Epik High was always known for.
In what can arguably be the perfect pandemic soundtrack, Tablo, the recording artist, lyricist, composer, producer, Stanford graduate, family man, and, ironically at the moment, self-proclaimed “COVID brain” caught up with me in the midst of quarantining in his bedroom in to discuss Epik High’s legacy, Epik High Is Here Part 2, touring, and Coachella.
Congratulations on Epik High Is Here, Part 2. What was it like working on it this time around?
We imagined this coming out when all of this COVID stuff would be over. We wanted the album to be a celebration; so we had happier, upbeat songs because we thought it would be like this great reopening where everybody rushes out into the streets and just [gives] hugs and kisses, goes to parties and shows. But as we all now know this is going on a lot longer than we imagined. As time progressed, the way we create our albums, our mood, or our thoughts at the time really dramatically affects it. It’s not like we can set out to create a happy album. And as this was getting extended and you know all of us were dealing with our own demons and stuff, I think it just naturally turned into the album that it is right now. I actually like it a lot, I think it reflects better what everybody may have been going through and hopefully, they can identify with that and get the consolation that they need.
You’ve invited old and new faces to collaborate for Part 2. How was working with them?
I always think it’s interesting where I have an ear to the music scene. I’m not as active in public, but I’m always listening to new stuff that comes out and making a mental note of people that I want to work with. We work with them then we discover they were fans of Epik High at some point. For example, with “Face ID”, GIRIBOY and JUSTHIS posted their Epik High album collections on Instagram and shared how this is a moment for them. That really pulled on my heartstrings because I was just happy to be working with these talented kids. WONSTEIN did covers of our songs back in the day and gave us demo CDs. I met pH-1 for the first time at Epik High’s New York concert. Everything feels like it’s coming back full-circle to be working with them. So even when we’re working with artists that we’ve never worked with on this album we’re somehow all connected and it fits in with the theme of the album that combines the past, present, and future.
In “Super Rare,” you touched on hustle culture and the journey to fame. What are your thoughts on success?
You know how they say success is subjective and everyone has their own definition of success? Unfortunately, that’s not how the world works. Regardless of your personal definition of success, society has decided certain criteria for what they deem as actual success. Even if you have achieved personal success and you’re perfectly content, society will look at that and say, “That’s not success…” and then proceed to crush your perfect contentment. I’ve always had to fight to defend my personal definition of success. I always have people trying to tempt me to try to do something I don’t really particularly want to do, promising me things that really don’t mean that much to me (money and fame) and Epik High has been very good at doing it on our own terms and maintaining it. But it hasn’t been easy.
Then what would you say is your personal key to success?
I’m not doing what I do as a means to get to something or to acquire something. I decided early on that I will do what I can’t avoid which for me is creating stuff. You can take my career away, you could literally ban me from doing music but the very next minute I will be creating something else. It’s just unbearable for me to not create something and that’s just who I am. Once you discover that, that’s success. Success for a short moment is attainable by anybody and if it is fleeting, it’s not really success. I want to be achieving things only if they’re lasting. And the first thing I discovered was that I have an inevitable passion for what I do.
You always have to think of the bigger picture because you never know when something is going to end the next day.
Exactly! I mean, who really wants 15 minutes of fame, right? We’ve done it for 20 years now, we’ve had moments where we had the spotlight on us and throughout it all, I don’t think those moments really matter. There are certain things that are lasting and if you are able to spot them, appreciate them and fight to defend them. That’s success.
Fans may notice the reunion between Epik High and Younha on this album with “Gray So Gray” and “Rain Song.” How was working with her again after 14 years?
Yeah, it’s been awhile! I was surprised how well we worked together even after all these years. I realized there aren’t many vocalists who can deliver the melodies that I write the way she does. Literally, she sang it once and it was perfect. Then we went on Yoo Jae Suk’s show and Jae Suk hyung (“older brother”) was like, “I really want to hear you guys do another song together,” and it just worked out where his wish came true.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSC47Yp-Hpg
You’ve sprinkled references to past releases in this album. Is there one you’ve become fond of?
The beginning of “Champagne” has an audio clip from a video of us [performing “Go!”] at our first performance as Epik High. And this was when we weren’t famous, when we didn’t even imagine we would ever be famous. We were in a tiny underground club performing for whoever was there. We put it in the song because […] I don’t really separate the past, present, and future. I think of it as this singular thing that is happening constantly. Hence Epik High Is Here.
Speaking of “Champagne,” how does it feel to come this far?
We’re not super serious about ourselves so I don’t even think we’ve ever sat down and been like, “Look at all the things we’ve achieved!” or “Look how far we’ve come!” We get together and we’re like, “What do you want to eat today? We got to finish this thing.” It’s always hectic and fun. It’s nearly impossible for us to be serious about anything, especially ourselves. We’ve never really pat ourselves on the back.
What are you popping a bottle to now?
I just want to get over COVID. I haven’t seen my members for a while in real life. The good thing is we’re going on tour for over two months and we finish it off with Coachella. It’s going to be an amazing adventure. We haven’t been able to tour for over two years. So, just think of how much energy we have to release on stage. We’re just gonna go crazy so we’re totally excited for that right now.
Anything else you’d like to tell me?
I think we’re gonna live in a pretty exciting world. You can call me a futurist or whatever you want, but I’m always interested in the future about what can be. And usually, the things I imagine materialize. It’s not fantasy. You know the fact my best friend is 11, my daughter? I watch the things that she’s interested in and I can just see that we’re about to head into a world that we’ve never experienced. It’s going to be fascinating, scary at times, but ultimately beneficial in some way. There will always be forces that try to reign that in, or to stop it from happening or to criticize without full information because of fear, but that’s always happening.
And the reason that I’m mentioning this is one thing about Epik High, when we started, artists were releasing cassette tapes. Then one or two albums in, we didn’t have to release cassette tapes anymore because people wouldn’t buy them. Then streaming happened and social media happened, before that the smartphone came out. All of these things while we were doing Epik High, so many paradigm shifts have happened with technology, with culture. The fact that we have been able to navigate through all that is because we enjoyed it. Not because we sat back. We didn’t do that! We enjoyed it and that made us able to navigate through all those changes certain companies can’t even do. I would just love for people to be critical in a world where everyone is trying to scam you. But my message for people would be to enjoy it a little bit as well, you know?
Epik High Is Here Part 2 is out now via OURS Co/Genie Music. Get it here.
Next year’s Best Picture winner, Jackass Forever, is not only Johnny Knoxville’s final Jackass movie. It’s also his final “big stunts” movie, period.
“I knew going into this movie that this was going to be the last time I was going to do big stunts because I’ve got kids and I’ve had so many injuries,” Knoxville told NME. “I feel like I could go out good in this film by being my last with big stunts. I’ve got nothing left to prove in that area.”
In his younger days, Knoxville could get flipped by a raging bull with the ease of a line cook flipping a pancake. But now that he’s 50, that same stunt in Jackass Forever led to a broken wrist, broken rib, and a concussion, resulting in a brain hemorrhage. “We backload my most dangerous stunts to the end of the film. So I had two or three more stunts left to do, big ones, but after that I couldn’t,” he said. “The doctor’s like, ‘No way, you can’t, you’ve had 16 concussions, you’ve just had a terrible concussion, your brain is scrambled right now.’ And I was like, alright, so those got kicked to the side.”
Knoxville should take the next 30 years off and return when he doesn’t require the grandpa makeup to fall out of a ceiling. What a comeback.
Following the climactic battle in the Peacemaker finale, the Justice League make a surprising, yet entirely non-helpful appearance in the final moments of show. The humorous cameo seems to solely exist for Peacemaker to make another joke about Aquaman (Jason Momoa), uh, loving fish, but this time with an assist from The Flash (Ezra Miller). However, the brief moment is jam-packed with all kinds of implication for the DC Extended Universe.
For starters, the cameo continues the official Warner Bros. stance that Joss Whedon’s Justice League is still canon, and not Zack Snyder‘s four-hour extended cut. While there was a time when it seemed like Warner Bros. was abandoning the shared universe it was building, the Justice League cameo confirms previous remarks from Peacemaker creator James Gunn that the studio was no longer shying away from connecting its film universe. This was evident in The Suicide Squad, which proved to be much more of a sequel to David Ayer’s original film than expected.
Of course, Momoa and Miller being the only two actors to appear in the cameo makes sense considering both Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom and The Flash both hit theaters later this year. That’s just good old fashioned cross-promotion right there. As for the other members of the group, that’s where things get interesting. In an interview with Variety on the Peacemaker finale, Gunn revealed that he really only expected to get Momoa after writing the cameo in the script. Miller was a surprise addition, and Gunn never planned on getting Henry Cavill and Gal Gadot, but their Superman and Wonder Woman silhouettes are clearly shown in the cameo. Does this open the door for Cavill to return as the Man of Steel? Quite possibly.
Noticeably absent, though, are Ben Affleck‘s Batman and Ray Fisher‘s Cyborg. While Fisher has been engaged in a tense public feud with Warner Bros., Affleck is reprising his Dark Knight role for The Flash, so it’s odd that he wasn’t included. When asked by Varietywhy Batman and Cyborg are missing, Gunn said, “There are reasons for it, but I’m actually uncertain whether I can say what those reasons are. It might have to do with future stuff.”
Peacemaker Season 1 is available for streaming on HBO Max.
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