Durant was asked about the trade to open the show and was as diplomatic as possible, while also offering a telling nugget by saying “everybody got what they wanted” about the deal. Later, as the reserves were getting picked, Charles Barkley egged LeBron James into forcing Durant to choose between Rudy Gobert and Harden with his final pick, as Durant deftly said he needed “size” and selected Gobert while the entire studio and LeBron cackled with laughter. It was quite the scene, and LeBron even questioned if Harden would be on his team with his hamstring injury that kept him out for a week from the Nets prior to the trade — which led Barkley to joke he’s feeling fine now that he’s been traded.
On Monday, Harden arrived at the Sixers facility for the first time and was spotted doing on-court work, but the team announced that afternoon that he would be out through the All-Star break and would not play in Sunday’s game, meaning Adam Silver has a third injury replacement to pick for Team LeBron.
James Harden is out through All-Star break (rehabilitation, left hamstring). In the interim, he will continue his treatment and on-court training. Harden will not participate in Sunday’s NBA All-Star Game and an update on his playing status will be provided following the break
It’s not a shock and the Sixers only have two games this week, home against Boston and away at Milwaukee, prior to the break, so they won’t be without their new star for too much longer. As for Harden’s replacement, one would expect Cavs center Jarrett Allen to get strong consideration after LaMelo Ball was the first injury replacement from the East, but we won’t know that officially until the NBA announces the commissioner’s selection.
Following Kanye West‘s now-deleted Super Bowl Sunday rant about Pete Davidson who’s reportedly been dating Kim Kardashian, it’s fair to ask if the Saturday Night Live star and reality TV mogul are even still together. The answer, as of this writing, is yes. Just hours after Kanye’s Instagram tirade, Kardashian and Davidson were photographed going to dinner in Brooklyn, far away from Kanye who was reportedly attending the Super Bowl with daughter, North, and son, Saint. Via Daily Mail:
There was no missing Kim in her opulent fringe coat, silver dress and metallic boots while her boyfriend kept it considerably more casual with his crisp baggy jeans and flannel shirt. Ever the doting boyfriend, Pete held the car door open for Kim as they arrived to the eatery together in an SUV.
Shortly after she hosted SNL in October 2021, rumors of Kardashian and Davidson started spreading like wildfire through the tabloids. While the couple initially kept things quiet, it wasn’t long before they were stopping to pose with fans in public. Things took a notably serious turn in early February when Davidson began officially referring to Kardashian as his girlfriend. However, that development was followed by Kanye’s latest meltdown.
The rapper has not been a fan of the relationship and has already threatened to beat Davidson along with harassing Kardashian by claiming to have a second sex tape of her and Ray J. (Both parties have denied a second tape exists.) In short, while Kardashian and Davidson are currently dating, Kanye is doing everything in his power to put an end to the relationship even though he’s acknowledged that it would take an “act of God” for Kardashian to get back together with him.
As the fallout from Joe Rogan’s racial slur scandal continues to settle, another famous podcaster with a similar name still has words for the controversial comedian/host. During a recent livestream on Instagram, Fat Joe addressed the comedian’s faux pas, as well as the backlash that it incurred, calling Rogan a “piece of sh*t” but explaining why he wouldn’t join the slew of musicians removing their music from Spotify in protest.
“Shoutout to everyone that’s better than me and taking their music off of Spotify,” he said. “I’m not, because all my people know Joe do charity, Joe will open a business in the hood and give out jobs, Joe will give computers to the school, but Joe got to get to his bag. Joe ain’t crazy.”
However, he did question the platform for continuing to host the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, for which it paid $100 million for the exclusive hosting rights in 2020. “Spotify is made up of Black music, whether it’s R&B, whether it’s rap, trap, reggaeton, all that fall in there,” Fat Joe pointed out. “Because our music is on that platform, and they make their money from Black people, do you think it should be allowed for a guy to be talking racist sh*t on their platform?”
For viewers of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver’s declaration that Bridgertonis the show with “[l]ots of jizzing in blankets” will never leave their minds. That group of TV watchers, however, is not separate from those who are looking forward to Shondaland bringing back the sultry, smart, and scandalous series for a second round. And so, we have a new teaser with the cementing of Penelope Featherington (Nicola Coughlan) as Lady Whistledown (voiced by Julie Andrews). What’s she reporting upon this time around?
Sadly for enthusiasts of The Duke, it does not appear that we’ll be seeing a surprise return of Regé-Jean Page (as Simon Basset), which certainly isn’t news, but curiously enough, we see a few shots of Phoebe Dynevor returning as Daphne Bridgerton. Apparently, she’s paying a visit (and Simon’s off smoldering somewhere by his lonesome?) while this season focuses upon Anthony Bridgerton (Jonathan Bailey) looking for his own match. This was all part of the plan, since the series is following the template laid out by Julia Quinn’s books. From the synopsis:
[T]he second season of Bridgerton follows Lord Anthony Bridgerton (Jonathan Bailey), the eldest Bridgerton sibling and Viscount, as he sets out to find a suitable wife. Driven by his duty to uphold the family name, Anthony’s search for a debutante who meets his impossible standards seems ill-fated until Kate (Simone Ashley) and her younger sister Edwina (Charithra Chandran) Sharma arrive from India. When Anthony begins to court Edwina, Kate discovers the true nature of his intentions — a true love match is not high on his priority list — and decides to do everything in her power to stop the union. But in doing so, Kate and Anthony’s verbal sparring matches only bring them closer together, complicating matters on both sides. Across Grosvenor Square, the Featheringtons must welcome the newest heir to their estate while Penelope (Nicola Coughlan) continues to navigate the [town] whilst keeping her deepest secret from the people closest to her.
Following the first-season success of this series, Netflix swiftly renewed the production for four more seasons, but will people keep clicking in The Duke’s absence? We should find out soon enough.
Bridgerton (along with Lady Whistledown) returns on March 25.
There are two things I need to be extremely clear about before I dive into a discussion about the slate of commercials from the 2022 Super Bowl. The first is that I am not taking into account the quality or worth of the product the commercials are advertising. That’s not what I’m doing here. I’m commenting strictly on the ads themselves, and whether I enjoyed them. Please do not yell at me.
The second thing is that I’m a big idiot. Huge idiot. I still think the funniest commercial I’ve ever seen was the one where the guy form tackled a shopping cart to prevent it from crashing into his car. So… that’s the kind of analysis we’re dealing with here. Again, please do not yell at me.
Below, please find my picks for the good, the bad, and the ugly from this year’s Super Bowl commercials. Any commercial I do not include either fell between “good” and “bad” or I just forgot about it. Again, I’m an idiot. I cannot stress that part enough.
THE GOOD
Yes, of course, Zendaya. Very good. Great. But I gasped a little when Andre 3000 showed up. And then I giggled when I saw this tweet.
At first I was surprised somebody got Andre to accept money for an obligation, but tbh he was probably just sitting on a ship talking about seashells at that moment anyway
Look, I’m on record as being a huge sucker for the classic “I’m retired”/“You’re the best there ever was” scene, so this was out of my hands. Having a baby do it just added to it. If they had thrown in a “we’re not so different” or two, I might have cried tears of joy. I’m okay with it.
You could have these two do anything and I’d probably enjoy it, up to and including them cracking wise while full-on soccer kicking me in the shins.
So many commercials are like “here’s to the heroes and hard workers who just want to put in a solid day in the field and then hit the open road and/or grab a beer with the boys” so it’s nice to have one that speaks to the lazy corner cutters out there. These are my people. I choose to believe the people making the ad procrastinated so badly that they finished editing it just as it was starting.
To me, this is canon now. AJ and Meadow survived and they still see each other and Meadow has figured out better ways/places to park. I hope she’s the head of the crime family now. I do not want them to make that show but I do enjoy imagining it.
Has very little to do with anything but I thought you should know.
So many crypto ads this year. So, so many. And while I do not understand crypto well enough to have an opinion on it beyond “more like crapto,” I will say that this is an effective way to advertise it. Larry David throughout history is an excellent concept. This is a television show I would watch. Larry David with a time machine. Do it in the next season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Jennifer Coolidge is the greatest. This is my full review of this commercial.
Two things worth noting here:
It has always been my position that Guy Fieri thinks Flavortown is a real place, like with a fire department and sewage system and everything, so it was nice to see that brought to life
Guy Fieri was wearing this exact outfit at the game
Here, look.
This is fascinating to me. As is the thing where Martha was up in the booth with the snobs and Guy was on the ground with the people. This sums up both of their vibes so well.
ME, BEFORE SEEING THIS COMMERCIAL: I bet I wouldn’t care if a robot dog ran out of battery.
ME, WATCHING THIS COMMERCIAL: [sobbing] Someone help him! He’s a good boy! Let me into the television! GOD! COME ON. PLUG HIM IN.
It’s fine.
Good for Lindsay.
THE BAD
I did not appreciate having Evanescence back in my head after many years of trying to jettison it from my memory. This will be a problem.
What are we doing here? You drink this carb-free libation and then the ground opens up underneath you in a diner and sucks you into some sort of subterranean party? No thank you. I’ll just eat my patty melt in peace.
While I understand the importance of health screenings and appreciate celebrities lending their appearances to getting the word out, I cannot in good faith support any commercial that makes me contemplate Mary J. Blige’s mortality.
I don’t know, man. There was a time when I would have loved this, the singing and dancing jungle animals and the rascal sloth making off with the fiery salty snacks. Maybe I’m getting old and jaded. But this one all felt… forced. Again, I don’t know. I have a feeling I’ve moved out of the Dorito target demo, though, so take that with about 2000mg of sodium.
Too many goats. No thank you.
This one hurts. I love Anna Kendrick. She should be in more commercials. Most of them, really. Get her and that little robot dog a whole campaign together. For anything. Popeyes, maybe. This, though… not so much. I’m glad the check cleared, though.
THE UGLY
Here’s the problem: imagine meeting this lady in real life and she just goes on and on and on about freaking Carvana all the time, in every conversation, over and over while you’re just trying to watch, like, Baby Yoda fly a spaceship. It would be maddening. I would never use Carvana just on principle.
I am willing to tolerate quite a bit of pandering. Most of this Super Bowl was people and corporations nudging us and asking us if we remembered and enjoyed the years between 1997-2005. Which is fine. But this was too much for me, for reasons I still am not able to articulate. Maybe it’s all the jokes being exactly the same as the movie. Maybe it’s two decades of Austin Powers references eating away at my soul. But I groaned audibly as it was developing and I don’t feel any better about it today. Less of this.
The lesson here, if I understand it, is that when you get older, you lose all value and worth to society and will be forgotten by everyone who loves you and left alone to fade away in sadness and your only outlet for human interaction and joy will be an imaginary world you escape to through goggles that block out the bleak hellscape the real world has become.
Please do not try to get this cute. Just give the people a montage of idiots wiping out on an obstacle course and then flash the name of your business or product on the screen. It doesn’t matter if it has nothing to do with your pitch. People will appreciate it. I am trying to help.
Keeping up with new music can be exhausting, even impossible. From the weekly album releases to standalone singles dropping on a daily basis, the amount of music is so vast it’s easy for something to slip through the cracks. Even following along with the Uproxx recommendations on a daily basis can be a lot to ask, so every Monday we’re offering up this rundown of the best new music this week.
This week saw collaborations lead the week, with pairings of Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift as well as Saweetie and HER. Yeah, it was a great week for new music. Check out the highlights below.
Ed Sheeran — “The Joker And The Queen” Feat. Taylor Swift
Sheeran and Swift have been pals for a good while now, and the friends got to reunite on a new track last week, with Swift (as was rumored for months in advance) featured on a new version of Sheeran’s “The Joker And The Queen.” The video was nostalgic for many reasons, which led to both pop stars to reminisce about the ride they’ve been on as best buds.
Saweetie and HER — “Closer”
Fans are still waiting for Saweetie’s delayedPretty Bitch Music album, and while the release date for the project remains TBD, she did link up with HER on “Closer” last week. Uproxx’s Aaron Williams calls the tune “a flirtatious, dance-ready piece of disco-pop” on which “the two performers — who share Bay Area roots and mixed Black-Filipino heritage — revel in the warm, fuzzy vibes of a new relationship.”
Fivio Foreign — “City Of Gods” Feat. Kanye West and Alicia Keys
Kanye West finds himself in the news just about every other hour these days, but towards the end of last week, one such instance was actually music-related. No, it didn’t have to do with Donda 2: He and Alicia Keys joined Fivio Foreign on “City Of Gods,” which is carried by drill production and Alicia Keys’ interpolating of The Chainsmokers’ “New York City” for the hook, but perhaps defined by Ye dropping references to everything from Pete Davidson to the Chicago Bills.
Pusha T — “Diet Coke”
It was actually a big week for new Kanye music, as he and 88 Keys produced the latest from Pusha T, “Diet Coke.” Ye even found his way into the song’s video, maintaining a background role like he does on the song itself as Pusha T drops bars that aren’t about a reduced-sugar soda.
Nicki Minaj and Lil Baby — “Bussin”
Minaj and Baby is a combo so nice they did it twice. Earlier this month, the pair linked up on “Do We Have A Problem?,” and they followed that up quickly with “Bussin.” On the new single, Minaj goes in and flexes the wealth she’s been able to accumulate over the years.
Caroline Polachek — “Billions”
If you’ve spent any time on TikTok lately, you’ve likely heard Polachek’s 2019 single “So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings,” which has gone viral years after its release. Well, new Polachek fans who heard the newfound hit and wanted more were in luck this week, as Polachek dropped “Billions,” which Uproxx’s Caitlin White calls “a flickering, glitchy distillation of Polachek’s most experimental instincts.”
Big Thief — “Red Moon”
Big Thief’s massive new album Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You is out now, and among the 20 tracks, virtually all of them are highlights, but “Red Moon” stands out. Uproxx’s Steven Hyden called the new album a “masterpiece” and noted of “Red Moon” specifically, “The sweeping country rock of ‘Red Moon’ (featuring excellent fiddle playing by Mat Davidson, among the small handful of non-band members appearing on the album) carries with it the dust of the Arizona desert.”
Jack White — “The Fear Of The Dawn”
Jack White has an album two albums coming out in the coming months: Fear Of The Dawn is scheduled for April 8, then Entering Heaven Alive is set to drop on July 22. He previewed it last week the the former album’s title track, a brief but energetic rocker for White dropped a now-on-brand very blue video.
Orville Peck — “C’mon Baby, Cry”
Peck, perhaps country music’s favorite mysterious masked cowboy, has a new album, Bronco, coming out on April 8. When he announced that last week, he also shared “C’mon Baby, Cry,” another fine example of Peck’s throwback country balladry.
Raveena — “Mystery”
Raveena is one of pop’s most intriguing up-and-comers, which she proved again last week with “Mystery,” a delightfully catchy highlight from the just-released album Asha’s Awakening. Uproxx’s Caitlin White recently noted of Raveena, “Even in a world that is striving to offer better representation and center women of color, it’s still rare to see an Indian woman in the pop mainstream, so Raveena’s proud centering of her intersectional identity is part of what makes her music so special and important.”
Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
If you had told NBA fans in 2014 that Andrew Wiggins would be headed to the 2022 NBA All-Star Game, no one would’ve batted an eye. The former No. 1 overall pick out of Kansas was expected to reach these heights in his career, but after seeing his career stagnate in Minnesota, seen as a scorer but little more, his first All-Star appearance as a member of the Warriors comes as a rather stunning turn of events in his eighth season in the NBA.
Wiggins was dealt to the Warriors alongside a first round pick (which became Jonathan Kuminga) for D’Angelo Russell at the 2020 trade deadline as Golden State was desperately trying to figure out their future and had recognized that Russell wasn’t a longterm fit alongside Stephen Curry. Most anticipated Wiggins would eventually be moved again, as his max contract would help the Warriors package picks to go get a disgruntled star once Klay Thompson was back in the fold. Instead, Wiggins has become a key cog in the Warriors starting lineup alongside Curry and Thompson, as Golden State has managed to tap into his potential on both ends of the floor and both the team and Wiggins are thriving because of it.
Wiggins’ stat line isn’t gaudy, as he’s averaging 18.0 points, 4.3 rebounds, 2.1 assists, and 1.0 steals per game this season, but it’s his leap in efficiency and impact on the defensive end that’s been most impressive and earned him the All-Star nod from the fans. He’s posting the best shooting splits of his career at 48.3 percent from the field and 41.6 percent from three (on 5.5 attempts per game), the latter of which is truly unbelievable considering his best three-point shooting season in Minnesota came in 2016-17 when he hit 35.6 percent of his threes on 3.5 attempts per game. His leap in efficiency from deep is a combination of considerable work he’s put in to make his three-point stroke more consistent, as well as the types of shots he’s getting on the Warriors compared to Minnesota.
By being off the ball far more in Golden State, Wiggins is able to space the floor as a corner shooter more than he ever did with the Wolves. On average, just 15.4 percent of Wiggins’ threes came from the corner while in Minnesota, as the vast majority of his shots came from above the break where, around the league, shooting percentages are lower. With the Warriors this season, 28.3 percent of Wiggins’ three-point attempts are coming from the corners where he’s shooting a lights out 48.1 percent (up from an average of 40.5 percent from the corners in Minnesota). He’s also getting more catch-and-shoot looks, with 89 percent of his threes being assisted, up from 80.6 percent during his time with the Wolves, as he’s embraced his role in an admirable way playing alongside Curry (and now Thompson as well).
What’s maybe most impressive is the buy-in from Wiggins on the defensive end. He has always had the physical profile of someone who should be an above-average wing defender, with great length as someone who moves very well, but in Minnesota the flashes of brilliance on that end rarely aligned with consistency in effort and attention to detail. That’s changed in Golden State, where Draymond Green and company demand those things, and Wiggins has become a key piece of the Warriors’ league-leading defense thanks to his switchability and physicality on the wing.
Wiggins’ All-Star appearance is, in a number of ways, a matter of a player capitalizing on circumstance. There are certainly some things that were working in Wiggins advantage to make this a perfect storm to get him into the All-Star lineup. It’s been a year in which some of the mainstays on the Western Conference All-Star roster in the frontcourt missed significant time, and Wiggins has been a consistent producer on one of the NBA’s best teams. He got plenty of assistance from a Warriors fanbase that has a rabid following — plus some assistance from a surprising source: K-Pop Twitter — elevating him to third in the West fan voting. Those undeniably played a major role in getting him to Cleveland, but he also deserves ample credit for adapting his game to a new situation and recognizing the opportunity that had presented itself for him to change the narrative about himself as a player.
For a player thought to be stubborn during his time in Minnesota, he’s been incredibly adaptable in Golden State on both ends of the floor, embracing his new team and the ideals that have guided them to championships in the past. The result is the best season of his career, a walking example of the importance of fit and circumstance to a player’s success.
Last night’s Super Bowl halftime show drew its fair share of both praise and controversy, as West Coast hip-hop legend Dr. Dre took to the field with a cadre of superstar associates including 50 Cent, Anderson .Paak, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Mary J. Blige, and Snoop Dogg. While some conservative pundits offered the probably disingenuous criticism of the show as depicting “sexual anarchy,” another lightning rod during the performance was Eminem taking a knee in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick and all the other players who protested police brutality during the 2016 season.
Ahead of the performance, it was reported that the NFL had apparently shot down the idea when he pitched it during planning and rehearsals, as well as flagging Dr. Dre’s “still not loving police” lyric from “Still D.R.E.” as possibly “divisive” moments. However, that report didn’t stop either performer from going ahead as planned, although Kendrick Lamar did censor the “we hate po-po” lyric from “Alright.”
A report shortly after the performance in the New York Times suggests new information from a league spokesman who insinuated that all those possibly controversial moments were cleared in rehearsals. Brian McCarthy said league officials “watched it during rehearsals this week” and didn’t mention receiving any notes. He also said that players and coaches were cleared to demonstrate before the game, although it didn’t seem that any of them did.
Jared, Trump told a friend at his Virginia golf course, was “the smartest guy I’ve ever seen in my life… Can’t throw a football ten yards, and Ivanka coulda married Tom Brady,” Trump said, according to the friend. “But he’s a great kid, he’s got my back.”
Trump reportedly tried to set up the retired seven-time Super Bowl winner (and MAGA hat owner) with his daughter Ivanka, but “that was a long time ago in my life,” Brady told Howard Stern in 2020. “No, there was never that, where we ever dated or anything like that.” Instead, Ivanka had to settle with Slenderman, I mean, the smartest man.
The Righteous Gemstones Halo Report is a weekly recap feature that assigns between zero and five halos to people, things, events, and general topics from each episode. There is very little to this beyond an excuse to highlight cool stuff from a good show and make jokes. And do crappy drawings of halos in MS Paint. We’re having fun.
ZERO HALOS
UPROXX
The cycle ninjas
HBO
Just an outrageously poor showing by the cycle ninjas here. They rolled up on the hospital with all the subtlety of a Vegas magician, kicked in doors galore until they found the correct room, sprayed a mannequin with bullets, fired about 5000 other bullets that hit nothing and no one, and then got taken out by a failson, a sweet man in a beret, and an aspiring Hollywood stuntman who was armed only with a cattle prod.
Couple this with the first failed hit and the thing where Eli appears to be inching back toward life… really just a pathetic display of cycle ninja-ing.
Getting spanked in public in broad daylight in front of your family
HBO
We’ll get to both parties involved here in more depth shortly, but for now, let’s just go ahead and say this was not a proud moment for BJ, or any of us, really.
ONE HALO
UPROXX
Baby Billy
HBO
Hmm, where do we start:
Bailed on Tiffany and his unborn son, repeating his past sins without even taking anyone to a pet store this time
Went on the saddest outlet mall shopping spree you’ve ever seen using his child bride’s credit card
Started selling a shady health elixir on infomercials
Tried to make a getaway and ended up tipping his trailer over and leaving a trail of elixir and twisted metal all over the parking lot
A classic Baby Billy performance.
Eli Gemstone
HBO
On one hand, appears to be waking up after a hailstorm of bullets ripped through his car and torso. Which is good. But, on the other hand, while he was incapacitated, his idiot children moved him out of the hospital so they could engage in Home Alone-style guerilla warfare in a rented-out hospital wing with the dangerous men who tried to kill him in the first place.
In all the various universes out there, with all the possible outcomes of all the possible actions, I’ve got to believe the one we saw was the only one where any of this worked. Dozens of people should be dead.
TWO HALOS
UPROXX
Aunt Tiffany
HBO
She’s a sweet woman who can’t read and is about to have a baby whose genetic makeup is at least 50 percent crooked carnival barker, which is bad. But she did have that nice little bonding moment with Judy and Amber. That’s not nothing.
The main takeaway here is that I desperately need to see her and BJ do more detective work together and maybe even open a detective agency. Like, picture Knives Out but with the two of them in place of Daniel Craig. It’s a fun visual.
Baby Billy’s shopping spree
HBO
After a great deal of thought and reflection, I have decided that the funniest purchase on this list was Sbarro. Man had a stolen credit card and could’ve gone anywhere. He chose Sbarro. I mean, honestly. That’s a beautiful little touch by this show, one of those things that tells us more about the character than a whole episode of backstory could. Crocs were a close second, followed by lunch at Cracker Barrel.
Puking, generally
HBO
I have a weak stomach and cycled between laughter and almost puking myself during this scene, which was not ideal. I hate puking. I hope I never do it again. It’s gross.
But this was also deeply funny, especially from a show that would kick off a full-on action sequence about 30 minutes later. I respect it a lot, this commitment to just doing the stupidest thing possible sometimes, just for goofs. I am very proud of them.
THREE HALOS
UPROXX
Kelvin
HBO
Back to the bullet points:
Ejected from his house by muscle men
Still has no use of his thumbs
Showed up to church lunch in a cloak
May have prayed his dying father back to life
Lot going on with Kelvin
Keef
HBO
I think maybe my favorite line of the entire night — in an episode that was littered with good lines — was Keef apologizing for his behavior because it was his “first time in a safe house situation.”
What a lovely man. I want only the best for him at all times. Stop poking him in the eye with your penises, muscle men!
Judy
HBO
Judy making the full-on turn from “I’m sick of babysitting Aunt Tiffany” to “Only I can comfort her” the instant Amber showed a single dollop of compassion… yeah, that’s classic Judy Gemstone right there. One of the best to ever do it. And the worst. It’s complicated. Edi Patterson rules.
FOUR HALOS
UPROXX
Amber
HBO
Two great Amber moments this week, coming on the heels of her mowing down a cycle ninja:
Described Jesse as “not dumb, but dense” which was both accurate and a nice little window into that always-churning brain of her
Put some real rich extra gravy on the word “congregation” while speaking to the church about Eli and the new hashtag she made
She might be the most capable person on the show. Not exactly a high bar to clear, but, like, still.
Jesse
HBO
Somehow, against truly staggering odds, his plan worked almost flawlessly, save a ninja star in a head or two. That’s… kind of incredible. They really defeated all the cycle ninjas after he flipped out and sent the mercenaries home. Again, it was a borderline Home Alone situation at the end there, with Jesse in the role of Kevin McAllister. And he got to shoehorn in the information about Martin’s family he learned but should have already known. Lots of little victories here.
I am kind of excited to see him explain all this to Eli, though. Strikes me as one of those things that sounds a lot worse when you lay it all out. I can see Eli’s face now. You can, too, if you close your eyes for a second.
Stove soup
HBO
Makes the whole house smell good. Love some stove soup.
FIVE HALOS
UPROXX
BJ
HBO
Yes, he got spanked by Baby Billy and got called Dr. Dipwad by Jesse and ended the night with a throwing star embedded in his skull, but the important thing was that he was there. BJ was there for the showdown. And he was jazzed about it. I love him very much.
Did I want to see him maybe acquire an automatic weapon and a dirtbike and screech around the hospital hunting goons like Rambo? Look, yes, of course I did. But it’s important to set realistic goals here. That was never going to happen. This was the best we could have hoped for.
Martin
Martin rules. I cheered when he yelled at everyone during church lunch. And then there was his little beret. There is so much more to him than we’ve seen to date. I have no doubt he knows how to dispose of a body. Martin fascinates me.
Gideon
HBO
A few episodes ago, the show tossed in a seemingly pointless scene where Amber was lighting up a shooting range, only to pay it off later with her mowing down one of the cycle ninjas. This week, a few episodes after a seemingly pointless scene where Gideon showed up at home on a dirtbike he was doing airborne tricks on, he used his mastery of the dirtbike to take out the remaining cycle ninjas like he was freaking John Wick or something. This show has many layers. That’s my point here.
Also, did you see his face at the end? That look of satisfaction he had, not long after telling his parents he felt his purpose was somewhere else? I hope this means he becomes the head of security for the entire Gemstone operation. I hope he gets a whole fleet of dudes on dirtbikes, too. I want to see him kick Torsten off the property. By force. Or by dirtbike race. Either way.
I want to see other things, too. Like who is behind the cycle ninjas. (My money is still on the Lissons.) But definitely this, too. And preferably less vomit. Those two things, mostly. It’s not an unreasonable list.
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