The Nuggets came into Game 3 in Denver with their backs against the wall after getting blitzed by the Warriors in the first two games in San Francisco.
However, it was the Warriors who started strong, led once again by their young budding star, Jordan Poole, jumping out to an early seven point advantage that forced Denver to work from behind as they tried to secure their first win of the series.
Denver would claw their way back into the game, first with the help of Nikola Jokic and then with a strong bench effort, as DeMarcus Cousins bullied the Warriors small-ball lineups in the paint.
Golden State would use a late 15-4 second quarter run to push the lead to 10 at halftime, punctuated by a Stephen Curry and-1 bucket just before the buzzer to take solid control at the break.
Denver would rally in a big way in the third quarter, storming out to a five-point lead as Jokic got to work on his way to a 37-point, 18-rebound night.
Jokic continued to assert himself in what became a back-and-forth affair in the fourth quarter, giving Denver a two-point advantage late with a driving scoop shot.
The story of the game was Poole continuing his spectacular play in the series, scoring 27 points and while his three-point shooting is typically the headliner, it was his finishing at the rim that helped the Warriors take control of the game late, as he took advantage of a huge Andrew Wiggins offensive rebound while up 1 to push the lead to three.
Despite a terrific game, Jokic couldn’t muster quite enough in the closing minutes, with the game getting effectively sealed on a steal by Draymond Green with the Nuggets trailing by five and under a minute to play.
The Nuggets simply have not had the firepower outside of Jokic to keep up with the balanced attack of the Warriors, and Game 3 was just the latest example of that in what became a 118-113 Warriors win. Curry and Thompson each had 26 points to join with Poole’s 27, as that triumvirate creates significant problems for the Nuggets’ perimeter defenders. On the other side, Aaron Gordon picked up his play with an 18-point night, but the guard play continues to be an issue, as Monte Morris and Will Barton combined for 23 points on 24 shots, which simply isn’t efficient enough shooting around Jokic.
The series, now at 3-0 in favor of the Warriors, is effectively over, and it just remains to be seen if the Nuggets will be able to get a game off of Golden State. Their best chance to do so figures to be Game 4 at home, because it’s hard to see them having much success when the Warriors get back to Chase Center.
Future and Travis Scott are currently putting the finishing touches on their upcoming albums. Future has already revealed that his ninth album, the follow-up to his 2020 effort High Off Life, will arrive on April 29 with features from Drake, Kanye West, Gunna, and more. He’s yet to reveal the title for the project, but it’s almost guaranteed that it will drop before the month ends. As for Travis, he’s working on his upcoming fourth album, tentatively titled Utopia, and thanks to some billboards that appeared in California, it appears that the project will arrive sooner than later.
With that being said, Future and Travis both took a moment from their respective projects to assist producer Southside on his latest single, “Hold That Heat.” The track is a gloomy effort that features lengthy verses from Future and Travis while the former handles the song’s hook. “Hold That Heat” also arrives with an eerie music video that captures Travis rapping beside an alligator while Future resorts to a red room to fire off his bars.
The trio’s song arrives after Travis performed and DJ’d at a Coachella afterparty despite being dropped from its initial lineup. As for Future, he’s a few days removed from gifting his old high school with a fully upgraded weight room.
You can listen to “Hold That Heat” in the video above.
What exactly does “small batch” mean when it comes to bourbon then? Well, sort of nothing. There’s no law or hard and fast rule that makes a bourbon a small batch expression. What it does mean is that a “smaller” number of barrels were used for an expression than a standard “straight” whiskey. But even then, there’s no specific number of barrels that makes that moniker true. Some small batch bourbons are made with six or 12 barrels, others are made with 400 barrels. Regular old Jack Daniel’s usually comes from around 350 barrels per batch and no one calls that small batch.
Brasstacks, this is a marketing term with, again, no rule adding any consistency whatsoever.
All of that said, there are some great bourbons out there that are also marketed as “small batch” bourbons. To help find them, we’re listing all 21 Double Gold winning small batch bourbons from this year’s San Francisco World Spirits Competition (you can see all the bottles here). We’ve added our own tasting notes where we could but pulled notes from the bottlers, blenders, and distillers where we had gaps.
Let’s dive in and see what’s winning awards out there in small batch bourbon.
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months
This is Elijah Craig’s entry-point bottle. The mash is corn-focused, with more malted barley than rye (12 percent and ten percent respectively). Originally, this was branded as a 12-year-old whiskey. The brand decided to move away from that labeling and started blending younger whiskeys — six to eight-year-old barrels — for this expression while saving the 12-year-old barrels for their Barrel Proof release.
Tasting Notes:
Classic bourbon notes greet you with a clear focus on vanilla, caramel, oak, orchard fruit, and a touch of fresh mint on the nose. The palate holds onto those flavors while adding in mild Christmas spices with a touch of oak and tobacco. The end is short, simple, and will leave you with a warm Kentucky hug.
Bottom Line:
This is a simple and classic bourbon. There are no frills but it delivers a decent flavor profile. In the end, this really is a cocktail base more than anything else.
So this is a “small batch” in theory and name more than practice. The expression is a marrying of 200 barrels of bourbon from Heaven Hill’s warehouses. The new bottling also comes with a new proof of 90, bumping this up from the previous version.
Tasting Notes:
This is soft on the nose with a hint of vanilla next to new leather, cornmeal, and a touch of orchard fruit. The taste is all caramel apples, buttered cornbread, mild cherry, and a hint of eggnog spice. The end is sweet to the point of a honey candy with a touch more of that apple but fades really quickly.
Bottom Line:
I really dig this as a cocktail base but also pour it over some rocks from time to time. It’s a great workhorse whiskey like that. It has real depth without anything that’s going to challenge your palate.
This brand from Luxco is still sourced juice though they did start distilling their own in 2018. This bottle is a seven-year-old blend of barrels with a bourbon mash bill of 78 percent corn, 12 percent malted barley, and ten percent rye, which just so happens to be Heaven Hill’s bourbon mash bill. These barrels are blended down and left as-is at cask strength for bottling.
Tasting Notes:
This is a pretty classic bourbon from nose to finish with a strong sense of rich caramel, pancakes with plenty of vanilla, sweet oak, wet brown sugar, and a whiff of cherry tobacco. The palate leans into the woody brown spices as a dark cherry vibe sweetens the mid-palate. The end circles back to that sweet oak and spicy cherry tobacco on a short finish.
Bottom Line:
This is good, classic, and strong bourbon. For me, those higher ABVs scream “cocktails” but this does work as a sipper with plenty of ice to calm down that high proof.
Four Roses Small Batch Bourbon is a blend of four whiskeys. The blend is split evenly between the high and low ryes with a focus on “slight spice” and “rich fruit” yeasts. The whiskey is then blended, cut with soft Kentucky water, and bottled.
Tasting Notes:
Soft and sweet orchard woods (think apple and cherry) greet you alongside hints of dusty brown spices and ripe red berries. Hints of caramel lead back to the berries and an almost vine-y earthiness next to a bit more of those spices. The end is velvety and lasting. The fruit really is what you’re left with, sort of like a blackberry jam that’s been steeped with cinnamon sticks at the very end.
Bottom Line:
This is another great cocktail bourbon. It’s a big step up from the standard Four Roses but doesn’t quite hit the easy-sipping mark.
This expression uses six of Four Rose’s ten whiskeys in their small-batching process. The idea is to blend both high and low-rye bourbons with yeast strains that highlight “delicate fruit,” “slight spice,” and “herbal notes.” The whiskeys tend to spend at least six years in the barrel before blending and proofing with just a touch of Kentucky’s soft limestone water.
Tasting Notes:
Raspberry and cloves mix with old oak on the nose and boy, does it draw you in. The palate amps up the dark berry sweetness with a bit of tartness, as a stone fruit vibe comes into play. The spice heightens and leans more Christmas spice with a focus on nutmeg. Finally, a wisp of fresh mint arrives to counterpoint the whole sip as the oak, vanilla, fruit, and spice all slowly fade out.
Bottom Line:
This, on the other hand, is a nice sipping bourbon. I tend to pour it over a rock or two but it rules in a neat Glencairn too. All of that said, this makes a mean Manhattan too.
A.D. Laws out in Colorado is renowned for its award-winning four-grain bourbons. The juice is made from 60 percent corn, 20 percent heirloom wheat, ten percent heirloom rye, and ten percent heirloom malted barley. That hot juice is then aged for over six years before it’s batched and cut down to 100 proof per bonded whiskey laws.
Tasting Notes:
This feels more crafty on the nose with a balance between bitter black tea that’s been cut with a summery and floral honey as touches of cinnamon and orange pop in the background. The orange and spice thickens and leans into an orange pound cake with a buttery and spicy streusel crumble as that black tea bitterness circles back to cut through all that butter, spice, and orange. The end leans into the spice with more of a cinnamon candy vibe that leads towards a final dusting of dark cocoa.
Bottom Line:
This is a nice outlier on the list. It’s a great entry point for Laws’ wider selection while also being a nice, summery sipper over some rocks or in a bright cocktail.
This is sourced from Kentucky, Indiana, and Tennessee bourbons (though that’s likely to change since Heaven Hill bought the brand). The hand-selected barrels are sent to New York where they’re blended in small batches of no more than five barrels, proofed with New York limestone mine water, and bottled. What you’re paying for here is the exactness of a whiskey blender finding great barrels and knowing how to marry them to make something bigger and better.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a raw pancake batter note on the nose next to mulled red wine with plenty of spice and orange next to a vanilla pudding and light mint waxiness. The taste has a mix of marzipan next to dark chocolate and real, almost woody maple syrup. The finish adds some cherry to that dark chocolate and layers in woody birch water on the end.
Bottom Line:
This is really damn nice, especially as a sipper on a rock or two. It definitely lives up to the hype.
Not a whole lot is known about this tiny brand. The juice is from Indiana (MGP), for now, and has a 75 percent corn mash bill (with 21 percent rye and four percent malted barley). Beyond that, we know that this is around four to five years old before it’s blended, proofed, and bottled.
This sounds very standard. Still, there are a lot of four/five-year-old MGP barrels out there and they tend to be pretty damn good. All of that said, I can’t see going out of my way to track this one down.
Barrell’s batches tend to be some of the most anticipated drops of the year. Batch 030 — which dropped in September 2021 — is comprised of bourbons from Tennessee, Indiana, Kentucky, and Wyoming. The barrels are a blend of five, six, nine, ten, eleven, and 15-year-old barrels that were blended in Kentucky. The blend was then bottled as-is with no cutting or fussing.
Tasting Notes:
There’s a buttery note that draws you in on the nose as fresh apple cider, mint, and Almond Joy counterpoint black potting soil, a hint of raw pumpkin, and an echo of sesame seed candies. The palate has an oatmeal raisin cookie vibe with vanilla ice cream just touched with espresso and dark chocolate next to green tea, more mint, and peach pie. The sweetness of the mid-palate gives way to a savory herbal feeling next to honeycombs, marzipan, orange oils, and rum-soaked tobacco leaves in a wet cedar box.
Bottom Line:
This is excellent and unique. There’s nothing quite like it and I dig that. Just make sure to add a few drops of water to really let this one bloom in the glass while you dig into the depths of the nose and palate.
This tiny distillery is attached to a restaurant in Peoria, Illinois. The juice is a crafty bourbon made with a mash bill of 66 percent corn, 27 percent rye, and seven percent malted barley. That distillate rests for around four to five years before it’s proofed down and bottled.
This whiskey is from singer/songwriter Tyler Boone and is made by Striped Pig Distillery in Charleston, South Carolina. There isn’t a whole lot known besides it’s a mash bill of 75 percent. corn, 21 percent rye, and four percent malted barley. The whiskey then spends up to five years in oak before it’s bottled at very high proof.
“Nose: The aroma a pleasantly sweet with caramel corn, cloves, a bit of pepper, and vanilla. Flavor: Caramel is the opening act on the palate with warm butter, cinnamon, smokiness, and a dash of apple. Finish: The finish has a burst of cinnamon and rancio.”
Bottom Line:
This is another “If I’m in x-place, I’ll look it up.” Beyond that, this sounds like pretty standard stuff with a high ABV, making it feel more like a cocktail/mixing bourbon at this price point.
Branch & Barrel Distilling out in Colorado is making this juice in the suburbs of Denver. The whiskey is made from a unique mash bill of 80 percent corn and 20 percent malted barley. It’s then aged for about four years before it’s proofed with that Rocky Mountain water and bottled.
Thie whiskey in this bottle is all about craft distilling. The juice is made of 68% corn, 27% rye, and five percent specialty roasted barley malts. All of the grains are locally and sustainably sourced. The whiskey spends a few years in the barrel before it’s “double-barreled” into hand-smoked Michigan northern oak barrels for a final rest. It’s then barely proofed down to 100 proof.
I’m very intrigued by this whiskey. Smoked barrels are going to be a big thing in the coming years in bourbon (yes, I’m calling it now) and this feels ahead of the curve on that front.
This expression from Illinois’ FEW Spirits marks the 125th anniversary of the Bottled-in-Bond Act of 1897. The juice is made from 70 percent corn, 20 percent rye, and ten percent malted barley. That whiskey spends four years resting before it’s proofed down to 100 proof and bottled as-is.
Tasting Notes:
The nose opens with a sense of vanilla cream pie with an extra thick vanilla pudding next to dry cedar bark with a touch of white moss, a touch of black licorice, and a hint of barrel smoke. The palate leans into cherry bark with a light cherry tobacco spiciness that melds with the vanilla pudding, a pan of fresh sticky buns with plenty of cinnamon and walnuts, and a hint of black pepper and more of that dry cedar bark. The finish has a bit of an oatmeal cookie vibe that leads back to the spicy cherry tobacco and white moss.
Bottom Line:
This punches way above its weight class. It’s complex, unique, and very drinkable, even neat. It’s also a killer Manhattan or old fashioned base thanks to those ABVs.
This brand new bourbon from Heaven Hill celebrates the five brothers who started the distillery back in 1935. The bottle was released to celebrate the brand-new visitor’s center at Heaven Hill and is largely only available there. The juice in this bottle is a blend of five bourbons of varying ages between five and nine years old made with Heaven Hill’s mash bill of 78 percent corn, 12 percent malted barley, and ten percent rye.
Tasting Notes:
This draws you in with maple syrup, apple tobacco, resinous pine, and a touch of unpopped popcorn kernels on the nose. The palate is pecan-loaded waffles smothered in butter and syrup with vanilla ice cream, light brown spiciness, and maple-infused sweet tobacco on the end.
Bottom Line:
I really liked this last year. It wasn’t mind-blowing but it got the job done as a great end-of-the-day pour over some rocks.
This Tennessee whiskey is made in a tiny distillery in the Smoky Mountains. The whiskey is made from a mash bill of 99 percent corn and one percent malted barley, making it the biggest outlier on this list. That juice is aged for about four years before it’s proofed down and bottled.
“It [King’s Bourbon] features bourbon’s signature smoky tobacco and vanilla notes, but with hints of sweet raisin, fig, and date.”
Bottom Line:
That super high-corn mash bill is enough to grab any whiskey drinker’s attention. Though, that does sound like this would be on the sweeter side of the bourbon spectrum. Still, it sounds like it’s worth giving a shot.
Not a whole lot is known about this whiskey from New Orleans. The distillery claims “three generations” of whiskey-making tradition but little else about the actual process or what’s in the bottle.
“Strong notes of vanilla, oak, and caramel. Pleasant, very smooth notes enjoyed neat or on the rocks. Very soft to the palate and tends to be very mellow and soft.”
Bottom Line:
Sure, this sounds fine. The lack of information about this whiskey though is a little off-putting. Distillers hiding everything in 2022 feels unnecessary.
This new-ish whiskey from Penelope really helps solidify the brand as a powerhouse in blending. The whiskey in the bottle is a blend of three bourbon mash bills (one is 21 percent rye, another 90 percent corn, and a 45 percent wheated bourbon — all from MGP), which create a four-grain (corn, wheat, rye, and barley) bourbon. Beyond that, this is about masterfully blending of four to five-year-old barrels into something bigger than the individual parts.
Tasting Notes:
You get a sense of dry cornmeal on the nose next to apple crumble, plenty of wintry spice, a hint of mulled wine, wet brown sugar, and a thin layer of wet yet sweet cedar. A hint of brandy-soaked cherries arrives on the palate with a dusting of dark chocolate powder next to more apple pie filling, spice, and buttery crust alongside a sweet, toffee-heavy mid-palate. The end arrives with a dry wicker vibe, cherry tobacco chewiness, and a hint of that dark chocolate.
Bottom Line:
These tend to be stellar one-offs. They’re great for a neat pour after a long day or mixing into a simple whiskey cocktail. You can’t go wrong here.
Still Austin Cask Strength Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Still Austin is getting a lot of love for their very crafty (and fruity) bourbon, The Musician. This is that — but as cask strength and released as a limited offering. The juice in the bottle is a local, grain-to-glass operation that utilizes the best grains and water Texas has to offer.
Tasting Notes:
On the nose, cedar greets you and forms a foundation for choco-cherry candies with a hint of dried mint. The taste moves into a blackberry feel with rich vanilla cream and plenty of cinnamon. The end takes on a warmth that feels more like a dried chili pepper than alcohol heat.
Bottom Line:
This is nice and fruity, which isn’t my thing per se. It’s fine but I always find it a little one-note with all those berries.
First off, this has a great name and logo. Secondly, the juice is made from a mash bill of 75 percent corn, 21 percent rye, and four percent malted barley at 117 proof (like Boone’s above) so we know this is MGP distillate, and that usually means high-quality booze.
“This is a complex whiskey that reveals a potpourri of baking spice – cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and allspice – all wrapped around dark fruits of fig, date, and plum. The finish is dominated by spice and charred oak, finishing quite clean.”
Bottom Line:
I want this for the pup on the label. That aside, I’m confident the whiskey is tasty given that it’s classic MGP whiskey.
Uncle Nearest Uncle Nearest Master Blend Edition (Up to Five Years)
While Uncle Nearest is distilling their own juice these days, this is still the work of Master Blender Victoria Eady Butler with carefully sourced Tennessee whiskey barrels. In this case, Eady Bulter hand-selected the best-of-the-best from their inventory to create the perfect whiskey to exemplify the brand and Tennesee whiskey traditions.
Tasting Notes:
This draws you in with a piping hot fresh batch of cinnamon rolls with plenty of white sauce frosting, cinnamon and brown sugar filling, a touch of nutmeg, pecans, firewood bark, and a hint of pipe tobacco. The palate delivers on the bigger notes of the nose with pecan shells, cinnamon sticks dipped in cherry syrup, wet corn husks, old leather gloves that have worked in dirt and firewood, and mild yet spiced cherry tobacco. That mild cherry sweetness drives the mid-palate toward a hint of maple syrup that leans woody as firewood piles in black dirt rounding out the finish with an echo more of that peppery tobacco.
Bottom Line:
This is likely to win best in class, it’s that good. Price aside, you should 100 percent taste this if you see it around at your local whiskey bar.
Daniel Caesar has been rather quiet since he released his sophomore album Case Study 01 in 2019. His highlights in the almost here years since that project arrived include “Peaches,” Justin Bieber’s No. 1 track which he and Giveon guest featured on, “Love Again” with Brandy,” and a remix of “Cyanide” with Koffee. Caesar’s time to himself might have been a choice to stay out of the mix following his controversial comments about YesJulz, but his fans still stuck beside him as his debut album Freudian went Platinum this year while his best-selling single, “Get You” with Kali Uchis, went 4X Platinum.
Nonetheless, it seems Daniel Caesar is ready to take steps towards his third album after almost three years. That signal comes with the release of “Please Do Not Lean” which features Badbadnotgood. The track is a tender release that Caesar steers with his soft vocals as he admits to his unstable ways with his significant other. Caesar knows his partner seeks someone to depend on, and it’s for that reason he requests that they don’t lean on him.
His new track arrives after he and Justin Bieber delivered performances of “Peaches” at this year’s Coachella Festival and Grammy Awards. Prior to that, he collaborated with Omar Apollo for “Invincible” and FKA Twigs for “Careless.”
You can listen to “Please Do Not Lean” in the video above.
The Kid Laroi saw his career reach new heights after he released a third deluxe reissue of his debut mixtape F*ck Love. The release was highlighted by “Stay,” his collaboration with Justin Bieber, which went on to spend multiple weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard singles chart. While that song is still very much enjoying the height of its success, Laroi is ready to start the latest chapter of his career with the impending release of his debut album Kids Are Growing Up and he kicks it off with his new single, “Thousand Miles.”
The track arrives with a music video that watches Laroi battle against himself to successfully win at love. Self-sabotage arrives as one of Laroi’s alter egos and it goes to great lengths to ruin his chances with a new girl. It ties him to a car and drives him for miles, drops a piano on his head, electrocutes him, and more, all of which take place in the song’s comedic video. Unfortunately, his destructive ways prove to be superior in the end.
“Thousand Miles” arrives after Laroi went to great lengths to promote the song, even tricking some into thinking that he was at odds with his former manager Scooter Braun. It came after Laroi posted a TikTok which insinuated that Braun was his “last mistake.” However, just a day later, Braun showed text messages between him and Laroi that proved the TikTok was nothing more than a well-planned prank.
You can listen to “Thousand Miles” in the video above.
After last week’s cursed Jurassic World tie-in episode, we all needed to heal. Thankfully there’s one classic mid-season challenge that’s guaranteed to please, the one that Top Chef fans anticipate all season, the one some have even attended: Restaurant Wars. This was an idea hatched from the brain of a brilliant TV executive who years ago posed the question, “what if TV restaurant real restaurant?”
Restaurant Wars is great, but more importantly, it meant we wouldn’t have to suffer through some guest judge in #Brand costume reading lifeless ad copy. Or at least… as much. Judge Tiffany Derry did note that this season’s Restaurant Wars challenge would be presented by “Contactless Mastercard,” which would help to create “a truly priceless experience for your guests.”
Wait… guests?? That’s right, unlike last season’s COVID-bubble weirdness, this season, guests were back! Total strangers, coughing on the food and spitting in each other’s mouths, as per Greek tradition, just like in the olden times! (Late-breaking update: Sorry, I am being informed that spitting in each other’s mouths is not actually a Greek custom).
Another wrinkle: this season, team captains would be chosen via random knife draw. Those captains would then choose teams, and the teams would decide amongst themselves who would be the executive chef and who’d be the front-of-the-house manager. They would then have 36 hours to design, plan, staff, prepare, and serve a multi-course dinner for however many diners attended.
Jae and Nick pulled the captain’s knives, and the picks broke down into:
Nick’s Team — Matriarc: Nick, Damarr, Ashleigh, and Buddha.
Jae’s Team — No Nem: Jae, Evelyn, Jackson, and Luke.
Probably my favorite part was when Damarr called the team in their SPONSORED BMW LUXURY VEHICLE and Buddha said, in-definitely-not-staged manner, “Hold on, Damarr, it’s too loud, let me just turn you down,” and did this little air twirl with his finger.
Bravo
Whaaaaat? Did you know that while comfortably ensconced in your leather-upholstered BMW LUXURY VEHICLE you can fiddle with your radio like Tom Cruise in your own personal Minority Report?? What a world! I love trying to operate touchless devices while driving! So many times have I thought, while waving my hands helplessly under some paper towel dispenser, “Gosh, I sure wish someone could apply this same technology inside my car!”
Sorry about this, but I went car shopping last week, and I have to say to all the car designers out there that I am begging you to quit it with this shit. Buttons and knobs worked great! They’re logical and easy to replace! Most importantly, they’re very easy to operate one-handed and without looking while you’re piloting a multi-ton vehicle. I don’t need to be chasing Pokémon holograms around the dashboard while I’m trying to crank the radio down to listen for oncoming trains, no matter how cool you dorks think that would be. It’s a car! These are not upgrades! I will buy an older car specifically to avoid these bullshit 737 MAX-ass “upgrades!”
Phew. Okay, dad rant over.
Anyway, I was initially worried that Top Chef‘s producers would milk Restaurant Wars for a two-parter, but instead, they just condensed down all the boring parts — where the chefs choose chairs and silverware and all that crap (save it for HGTV, Cheech) — to a few minutes. Nice work!
Also, it’s important to note, Gonzo 247 was there.
Bravo
Always nice to see Gonzo 247 out and about. It’s not a party until Gonzo 247 shows up, I always say.
THE DISHES:
NO NEM
First Course:
Evelyn: Pani Puri with shrimp and Passion fruit vinaigrette
Jae: Snapper summer rolls with papaya, citrus, and avocado.
Second Course:
Luke: Choo-chee curry with black cod wrapped in Napa cabbage.
Team: BBQ Nem sausage wrap with fried brussel sprouts.
Third Course:
Jackson: Citrus cured shortbread and coconut whipped cream.
MATRIARC
First Course:
Buddha: Southern snacks, Parker House rolls, country ham butter, seafood tarts, fried oysters with comeback sauce.
Second Course:
Ashleigh: Salmon tartare with buttermilk pearls, shaved fennel and peaches.
Third Course:
Ashleigh: Gumbo Z’Herbes, seasoning meat and red rice.
Fourth Course:
Nick: Striploin, oxtail marmalade, and potatoes.
Fifth Course:
Damarr: Carrot cake with coconut semifreddo.
RESULTS
Team Matriarc wins. Ashleigh named winner.
Team No Nem loses. Jackson goes home.
RANKINGS
8. (-2) Luke Kolpin
NBC Universal
AKA: Liddell. Die Hard. Meekus. Eurotrip. The Danish Zombie. Noma… Noma… Noma gonna be in this competition much longer, anyway.
How. HOW is Luke still here? As I feel like I’ve been saying every week, Luke seems to land near the bottom of every challenge. I’m pretty sure I gave him the “Noma gonna be here much longer” nickname in week two. And yet, here he is, in week freakin’ eight.
Luke was, naturally, chosen last this episode. His only dish was a curry that Evelyn had to teach him, which ended up being the worst or second-worst dish, and had Padma saying things like “there was no salt on that fish at all.”
Give Padma some damn salt! Gail added, “I think this Thai curry took a detour through Copenhagen.” Tom said, even more bluntly, “I think Luke should go home.”
And yet, if judged solely on this episode, Jackson probably deserved to go home instead of Luke (just like what actually happened — spoiler alert). Virtually every bad idea was Jackson’s, and Team No Nem seemed to sandbag Luke at every turn, whether it was with the Southeast Asian theme or everyone else telling Luke not to add more salt, despite his consistent track record as an underseasoner. Even Jackson agreed, and he can’t even taste!
So, yeah, if you hadn’t seen any of this season’s other episodes, you might reasonably think that Jackson going home was a no-brainer. But Luke is turning into that friend who always seems to have crazy things happening to them and after the fourth or fifth one of their sob stories you can’t help but think, “I dunno, man, maybe the problem is you.”
But hey, The Danish Zombie just keeps on coming, managing to suck slightly less than someone every week, like a human version of that adage about outrunning the bear. Can’t help but love him for that.
7. (even) Ashleigh Shanti
NBC Universal
AKA: Moonjuice. Sugar Hillcountry.
Bit of a weird episode for Ashleigh this week, the win notwithstanding. As Nick’s second pick, Ashleigh immediately put her stamp on the team, pulling a Justin Timberlake when Damarr suggested “Matriarch” as the restaurant name.
20th Century Fox
“Drop the H. Just Matriarc. It’s cleaner.”
Ashleigh was then named executive chef. Though it was almost immediately clear that Ashleigh might not be the driving creative force that title would suggest. This when Buddha managed to talk her out of her own salad. “It’s Restaurant Wars, there’s 40 thousand dollars on the line, and you’re going to do a citrus salad?” mocked Buddha.
I dunno, man, a citrus salad sounded fine to me? Ashleigh pivoted instead to… a salmon tartare. Hold up, a citrus salad is too boring but a salmon tartare is a spectacle of cuisine? The one thing you’ll find in virtually every Top Chef episode of the last five years is a raw fish dish, whether it be crudo, ceviche, or tartare. A crudo is at least as hack as a citrusy salad!
Ashleigh, naturally, ended up getting dragged for the dish. “I only have two little pearls,” complained Gail. “They don’t do much,” quipped Tom. “Mine is all bitter and spice,” whined Tiffany Derry.
And yet the diners seemed to like it. Were they just Philistines? Am I to believe Gonzo 247 doesn’t know food?
Ashleigh did finally achieve those elusive universal raves for her other dish, the green gumbo. She also ended up taking home the win in the end, but I’m pretty sure that was only because she lucked into a figurehead role on a team with Buddha and Damarr, the two strongest competitors. If her team hadn’t won, she probably would’ve been the chef to go home. But as they say, if your aunt had balls she’d be your uncle (can we still say that?).
6. (-2) Jae Jung
NBC Universal
AKA: Noodles. Jae West. Hilaria.
This week on What Food Was Jae Weirdly Horny For: dessert! “I’m hungry, I want it,” said Jae of Jackson’s shortbread, coquettishly.
Or maybe she was talking about the menu as a whole? I don’t know, the point is she seemed weirdly horny for food, again. Jae is like Padma’s wordplay without the subtlety.
Jae got to choose first this week and noted pointedly that she was avoiding Buddha. “I don’t really like Buddha,” Jae said. “We don’t really click.”
Buddha almost immediately seemed to justify Jae’s reticence, steamrolling Ashleigh and shit-talking her salad into a lackluster tartare. (Is there a catchy buzzword we could employ here, like a foodie version of “gaslighting?”). [Dishmorphia? -Ed]
Then again, Buddha was a big part of his team’s win, and since Jae actually cooked food the judges loved this week, from her fish-wrapped summer roll to her lettuce wrap sauce, and probably would’ve earned the win if she’d been on the winning team, you could make the case that not liking Buddha cost her 40 grand and a victory. But then.. can you really put a price on having to work with some dickhead you hate? Someone ask Mastercard.
5. (-3) ((Eliminated)) Jackson Kalb
NBC Universal
AKA: Magoo. Andrew Lunk. Leghorn. Lurch. Bateman. Big Bird. Big Nerd. Napholeon Dynamite. Drew Magoober.
Yes, Jackson was eliminated this week. Yes, I’m still putting him at number five in these rankings. My prediction? He’s going to win the second half of Last Chance Kitchen (I’m writing these before this week’s episode, so I don’t know if he’s won his first stage or not yet) and return to the competition, possibly just in time for him to get his sense of taste and smell back, like Steph Curry in the playoffs.
All that being said, it was impressive how completely Jackson managed to fuck up absolutely everything in this episode. He was instrumental in his team’s decision to cook Southeast Asian food (despite Evelyn being the only one with experience in it), to name it “No Nem,” and also to serve family style. Yet all those poor decisions paled in comparison to the decision to name Jackson the Front of House manager. Front of the House’s job is to make the guests feel relaxed and comfortable.
For that job, Team No Nem chose the chef I nicknamed “Lurch,” who two episodes ago made this face in casual conversation:
Bravo
Jackson has a lot of skills, but making people feel relaxed and cozy is not one of them. Jackson is a guy who makes you want hold your purse a little tighter and maybe take a half step backward while he’s talking to make sure you have a clear path to the door. “My goal is to touch every table and not hover,” said Jackson, breathily.
As FOH, a task Jackson said he’d been performing at his own restaurant for the past year, he didn’t introduce any of the dishes and his big idea to welcome the judges was having a confused waiter earning a day rate hand scrawl “WeLCoMe jUdGeS!” on a piece of scrap paper.
Bravo
Great work, everyone.
Yet for as bad as Jackson was as a Front of the House manager, he did make a great teammate in other ways. Like eagerly taking the credit for every bad idea the judges picked on. “Whose idea was the note?” “OOH ME,” shouted Jackson. “Who decided to serve two dishes in the first course?” “ME AGAIN! OOH, OVER HERE!” Jackson bounced.
Jackson’s best idea this episode was rebranding his uncuttable shortbread cake as a “cookie.” “We eat with our hands around here! We keep it caszh, live life with a lot of flair, we grip and we rip it, you know?”
The judges tried to come up with some reason, any reason to send Luke home instead of Jackson, but they just couldn’t muster it. Jackson’s screwups were simply too numerous, too unavoidable, too eagerly claimed. He ended the episode admitting to his teammates, with great gravity, that he’d been hiding his lack of sense of smell and taste from them for this entire season.
“Uh, okay, man, whatever,” everyone seemed to respond, a reaction I bet Jackson gets a lot.
He’s probably going to win Last Chance Kitchen.
4. (even) Evelyn Garcia
NBC Universal
AKA: Cuddles.
At this point, I think most of the broader questions from this season have been settled. Damarr and Buddha seem (SPOILER ALERT) like solid locks for one and two, though it’s much harder to say between them who’s number one and who’s number two. Ditto on Evelyn and Nick at three and four. Nick and Evelyn seem pretty obviously one rung below Damarr and Buddha, but Nick vs. Evelyn is sort of a pick ’em.
I’m dropping Evelyn below Nick this week because… well, she was on the losing team and he was on the winning one. In fact, Evelyn was the executive chef of the losing team, a position that often goes down with the ship during restaurant wars. And she was presumably the main reason they chose a Southeast Asian theme that none of the other chefs and especially not Luke could cook.
Luckily, she was paired with the world’s worst Front Of House manager Jackson, who eagerly (and rightly, for the most part) took credit for all the team’s bad decisions, up to and including the Southeast Asian theme, which he pushed harder than Evelyn ever did.
As for her actual food this week, Evelyn quarterbacked Luke’s disappointing curry and turned in her own “pani puri,” which looked beautiful but received mixed reviews, mostly thanks to Padma — who noted that “pani” is Hindi for “water,” and Evelyn’s pani puri filling was sadly dry. A dry pani puri?? Dammit, Evelyn! Padma wants to get wet! I HATE it when Padma doesn’t get wet! (*punches fist through drywall*)
3. (+2) Nick Wallace
NBC Universal
AKA: Domingo. Chocolate Mormon. The Count.
Much was made of Nick’s attempt to find oxtails this week, which felt like it might be building up to something, but instead, Nick found the oxtails and everything worked out great. Nick made striploin spiced with “Nick’s 26,” which the judges said for the umpteenth time that he should bottle and sell. Gee, you think Nick is going to bottle and sell Nick’s 26 when this season is over? I wonder.
In that sense, Nick has already won. In terms of the show, Nick seems solidly high-middle. His “oxtail marmalade” sounded incredible, but even that stroke of genius wasn’t enough to put him over Buddha and Damarr (or even Ashleigh’s gumbo) this episode. Right now the Chocolate Mormon seems like he’s in a neck-and-neck battle with Evelyn for fan favorite. And, again, in the grand scheme of things, Nick has already won. He could go home next episode for serving a horse manure casserole and I’ll still be lined up for some oxtail marmalade and Nick’s 26 wherever he’s serving it.
2. (+1) Buddha Lo
NBC Universal
AKA: Mr. International. Big Pun. Asian Ben Mendelsohn. The Salad Nazi.
I’ll tell you one thing, Buddha won’t be winning fan favorite after this episode. Holy shit, I never imagined anyone could get so pedantic and belittling over the idea of serving a citrus salad. Especially not a cuddly Australian guy with a lisp named “Buddha.”
Buddha strong-armed Ashleigh into doing a salmon tartare instead (again, isn’t a salmon tartare way more hack than a citrus salad at this point??), for which she received middling-to-negative reviews.
But mostly Buddha’s perfectionism seemed to pay off. He brought friendly, yet brisk efficiency to his role as front of the house manager, and simultaneously managed to pull off Parker House rolls that Padma called “the best bread I’ve ever had on Top Chef.”
It’s tempting to assume Padma was just ripped to the… uh, gills, and throwing around superlatives again, but Tom backed her up, calling the same rolls “as good as any rolls I’ve served in 40 years in the restaurant business.”
So I guess those were pretty good rolls. Which he served with comeback sauce, country ham-infused butter sculpted into a rose, a fried oyster, Damarr’s chow-chow — Jesus Christ, how many things did Buddha make?! And he was Front Of House?
In retrospect, it seems like a pretty bad call for Jae not to pick Buddha. I’d let him belittle my salad in front of my mother if he’d make me some of those rolls. It remains to be seen whether his prickly intensity is going to cost him, but no matter what happens, I’d love to hear him pronounce “Gumbo Z’herbes” again.
1. (even) Damarr Brown
NBC Universal
AKA: Catchphrase. James Beard. Screech.
If Buddha’s intensity and disdain for salad are one end of the spectrum, Damarr’s unshakeable chill and low-key earnestness are the other. Only Damarr could suggest calling a restaurant Matriarch in honor of the mothers who raised them, agree to drop the H for arbitrary trendiness, and have it not come off corny.
Does Buddha deserve the number one spot over Damarr on account of his world-changing Parker House rolls? (Note: I had no idea what “Parker House roll” was before this episode). Look, you could make a case for it. But consider: Damarr realized the oven he was cooking his carrot cake in was f*cked less than an hour before service, while his cake was still inside of it, and still served up, according to Tom, “the best carrot cake I’ve ever had hands down.”
In fact, when the judges were critiquing Jackson’s shortbread cake-cookie accident surprise, Tom’s mic drop critique was “well it’s no carrot cake, that’s for sure.”
This seems to suggest that right now, Damarr is the benchmark. Anyway, no matter who wins, I’m excited for next week’s episode, which I hope will be dedicated entirely to Gonzo 247.
Towards the end of last year, Ed Sheeran arrived with his fifth album =. The project was his first full-length release since 2019’s No. 6 Collaborations Project, and with =, Sheeran successfully secured his fifth straight No. 1 album. Unlike most of his past albums, = was an entirely solo release which might have come as a disappointment to some who hoped to hear Sheeran work with some of his peers. Thankfully, has been Sheeran making up for that with his past releases including his latest one.
Nearly six months after he dropped =, Sheeran returns with Lil Baby beside him for a remix of “2Step.” On it, Lil Baby arrives for the song’s second half and provides a verse that compliments Sheeran’s warm invitation to dance to a significant other. The remix also arrives with a music video, which Sheeran revealed was shot in Ukraine through a message at that video’s start. He noted that the visual was done before Russia invaded Ukraine, but moved by a stay in which he “felt so welcomed,” Sheeran revealed that he would donate “record royalties from YouTube streams of the video to DEC’s Ukraine Humanitarian Appeal.”
The Inside the NBA crew is the best in the business in large part because the format of the show allows them to go off on tangents and dive deep on topics and conversations that are interesting to them — sometimes basketball related and sometimes not.
We saw that earlier this week when Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith got in a two-minute long argument over how teams should defend Stephen Curry when he’s coming off screens, which mostly showed how difficult it is to come up with a successful defensive gameplan against the Warriors. On Thursday night, the fellas were back for another Warriors-Nuggets game, and this time Charles Barkley wanted to talk about Nikola Jokic dealing with Draymond Green’s physicality in the post and why it’s so difficult to deal with despite having a height advantage.
This time there wouldn’t be any back-and-forth because Shaq, Ernie, and Kenny were too busy trying to stifle laughter because Chuck’s choice of wording included “when a guy’s banging you,” and shortly after a “you can feel his body” which left Shaq unable to keep quiet and caused the rest of the desk to break as well.
Sometimes I think Chuck does this purposefully to mess with Shaq and get him to laugh, because this felt almost deliberate with his choice of phrasing. When Kenny, also doubled over in laughter at this point, calls out Shaq, he tries to play innocent by noting he “didn’t say anything,” to which Ernie quickly retorts “you didn’t have to.” Despite their best efforts to remain adults, the Inside crew couldn’t help but turn into a bunch of giggling teenage boys at Chuck’s phrasing and even Barkley lost his train of thought and it all fizzled out.
Last summer, Megan Thee Stallion announced a break from social media and it came a little over six months after she released her debut album Good News. Two months later, Megan announced her return as Tina Show with a cryptic tweet. Nearly a year after that return, we’ve received Megan’s first offering from her latest era as Tina Snow. The Houston native arrives with “Plan B” and it’s a feisty and cut-throat record that her Hotties will love. Megan uses the track to declare that no man will tie her down as she’ll pop a Plan B pill to make sure she stays on track in life.
The new track is one that Megan premiered during her thrilling set at Coachella last weekend. Prior to that, she shared her excitement to perform it in a tweet before the performance. “I got this song that I recorded and every time I play it for a woman they start jumping and clapping,” she said. “I think I wanna perform it at Coachella for the first time before I actually drop it.” Megan did just that and her fans absolutely loved the record. Thankfully, she didn’t make them wait too long to get their hands on it.
You can check out “Plan B” in the video above.
Megan Thee Stallion is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Despite being upgraded to questionable prior to shootaround, Luka Doncic didn’t play in Thursday’s Game 3 between the Dallas Mavericks and Utah Jazz as he continues to deal with a calf strain. The Doncic-less Mavericks won anyway, picking up a 124-118 win to take a 2-1 series lead before his possible return for Game 4.
The Mavericks held a 27-20 lead after one, buoyed by knockdown three-point shooting from several players. Notably, Maxi Kleber followed up his 7-8 three-point mark in Game 2 with a 3-3 start in Game 2. Five of Dallas’ 10 first quarter field goals came from behind the arc.
The three-point barrage for the Mavericks continued in the second quarter, with Davis Bertans kicking things off with a four-point play. By halftime, the Mavericks lead 68-51 after dropping 41 points in the second quarter. Thirteen of their 21 first-half made shots were three-pointers.
— Bally Sports Southwest (@BallySportsSW) April 22, 2022
Jazz guard Mike Conley was also called for Flagrant 1 foul in the second quarter with 10:14 to go, for closing out into Trey Burke’s landing space on a three-point attempt. Burke made all three free throws. That, per ESPN, was the first time Conley had been called for a flagrant foul in his 15-year NBA career. On the ensuing Dallas possession, Green hit another three to put the Mavericks up 15.
The lone low moment for the Mavericks in the first half was guard Jalen Brunson exiting the game and immediately going back to the locker room with an apparent lower back injury after being shoved by Jazz forward Royce O’Neale.
Brunson was happily able to start the second half and played the rest of the way without appearing any worse for wear. On his first shot, he drove past O’Neale, hit a leaning floater and was fouled. He finished with 31 points and 5 assists.
The Jazz had their best quarter in the third, with Donovan Mitchell and Bojan Bogdanovic combining for 31 of the team’s 40 points in the quarter to get within six going heading into the fourth. Notably, the Jazz went to Eric Paschall in the second half to throw a small-ball five look for a few minutes in the second half when Gobert went to the bench with four fouls in the third quarter and had arguably their best stretch of the game without him.
Utah got as close as four points after Mike Conley hit a three-pointer with 6:41 to go in the fourth quarter, as Dallas missed its first four three-point attempts in the quarter to leave the door slightly open for a comeback. But Dallas responded, going on a 13-4 run over a roughly four minute stretch to push its lead back to double digits on the backs of Brunson and Spencer Dinwiddie, the latter of whom hit the dagger on a deep three in the closing minutes.
Jalen Brunson knocks down a TOUGH fadeaway for the @dallasmavs!
For the game, Dallas was 18-41 from three with Spencer Dinwiddie making two, Kleber making four, and Davis Bertans also making four. Utah finished 10-28 from three with only Mitchell and Bojan Bogdanovic making more than one.
With the Mavericks up 2-1 in the series, it feels like they have the advantage going forward and should be viewed as the favorites to advance. When they’ve leaned into playing five-out and not playing Dwight Powell aside from a few minutes at the start of each half, the Mavs are warping the Jazz’s defense. Every set — even a simple drive-and—kick — was aimed to pull Gobert away from the paint and taking Utah away from its defense identity.
The Mavs also repeatedly went at Mitchell, pressing that weak spot at the point of attack over and over again. Mitchell was good on offense for most of the game, scoring 32 points and largely fueling Utah’s offensive comeback. But for as good as he was on offense, he was just as bad — if not worse — on defense.
This is all without Doncic. If he returns from his calf strain for Game 4 or Game 5, all it will do is allow the Mavs to lean into this offensive strategy even further with Doncic’s passing and shot making ability. It’s on the Jazz now to find answers and find a way back into the series.
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Jokic takes the lead for Denver
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