The Philadelphia 76ers torched the Toronto Raptors in Game 1 over the weekend, utterly dominating on the offensive end of the floor in a lopsided victory. On Monday evening, the same two teams matched up at Wells Fargo Center, though the Raptors were without rookie standout Scottie Barnes and with starting shooting guard Gary Trent Jr. greatly limited by what the team described as a non-COVID illness. Though the Raptors enjoyed some productive stretches, the 76ers put together another incredibly strong effort over the course of 48 minutes, taking a 2-0 series advantage with a 112-97 win.
Coming off a disappointing Game 1 performance, Toronto was hot out of the gate, both in performance and fireworks. There was an early skirmish between the two teams, setting the tone for a potentially explosive atmosphere in Philadelphia.
Raptors-Sixers getting chippy 90 seconds into Game 2
The Raptors also zoomed to an 11-2 run at the outset, showing some of the offensive firepower that rarely materialized in the opener, headlined by a hot shooting start from Fred VanVleet.
From there, the Sixers slowly established control, first generating free throw attempts and converting them at a high level. Pascal Siakam and OG Anunoby both picked up two fouls in a hurry for Toronto, and the Sixers attempted 12 free throws in less than eight minutes. That helped to fuel a 16-2 run by Philadelphia to take its first lead.
VanVleet had other ideas, though, as he carried Toronto’s offense in the opening minutes, scoring 14 points in 10 minutes, headlined by four three-pointers.
Joel Embiid was not ready to be outdone, setting a new playoff career high with 19 points in the first period. After all of that, the Raptors held a one-point lead after 12 minutes, but that was largely the end of the good news for the visitors.
In a stunning twist, the Sixers dominated the non-Embiid minutes in the first half. Philadelphia used a 12-2 run to take a 52-42 lead, riding six straight points from Tyrese Maxey.
All told, the Sixers were +12 with Embiid off the floor in the first half, and Philadelphia took advantage. The Sixers won the second quarter by a 35-19 margin, taking a 15-point halftime lead, and Philadelphia converted 21-of-23 attempts at the free throw line before the break.
The game was not out of reach, but Toronto needed to make a statement early in the third quarter, and they were unable to do so. The Raptors missed 10 of the first 13 shots in the third quarter, scoring only eight points in more than nine minutes. Philadelphia pushed ahead with a 20-8 extended spurt, and it felt as if the game was largely over at that stage.
Philadelphia led by as many as 29 points after halftime, though the Raptors did have one final run in them. Toronto scored 15 consecutive points in the fourth quarter, slashing the margin to 97-86 with fewer than seven minutes remaining. It was for naught, however, as Maxey knocked down a pull-up three-pointer to stop the bleeding, setting up an 8-0 run that put the game away behind a big dunk by Danny Green.
Overall, the Sixers again used tremendous offense to secure the win. Despite a sub-optimal fourth quarter, Philadelphia scored well over 1.2 points per possession, shooting 52 percent from the floor, 14-of-30 from three-point range, and 26-of-30 at the free throw line. All five scorers landed in double figures for the Sixers, with Embiid producing 31 points and 11 rebounds, Tobias Harris adding 20 points and 10 rebounds, and Maxey contributing 23 points, nine rebounds, and eight assists.
With the Raptors battling personnel shortcomings, neither game in Philadelphia was particularly competitive. The 76ers must navigate life on the road beginning on Wednesday, however, and Matisse Thybulle will be ineligible to play in Toronto. It is too early to know the status of Barnes or Trent Jr. but, simply put, the Raptors will be in a virtual must-win situation in Game 3, and that contest will paint a picture of how competitive the rest of the series might be.
Should Jen Psaki do what she might do and leave the White House for MSNBC, she’s going to have to find a new sparring partner. Ever since taking the job as President Joe Biden’s press secretary, she’s had to deal with Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy. Few days go by without him pestering her with a Republican talking point, which invariably ends with her patiently explaining a basic thing to him or poking holes in his logic.
But their squabbles rarely get big laughs from Doocy’s fellow reporters. On Monday, he asked about something legitimately troubling: A Trump-appointed federal judge shut down the CDC’s mask mandates on public transportation, including planes and trains. Cases and death are low, but hundreds of Americans are still dying every day — and that’s not even mentioning the still nascent BA.2 variant.
Doocy brought it up and, two years into a pandemic, asked a very basic question. “Why can we sit here in the White House briefing room with no masks,” he asked, while sitting next to a reporter wearing a mask, “but people can’t sit in an airplane cabin with no masks?”
For the second time in recent weeks, Jen Psaki explains CDC guidance to Peter Doocy like he’s a child pic.twitter.com/W8okaDIqgJ
“Well, Peter, I’m not a doctor and you’re not a doctor, that I’m aware of,” Psaki replied, joshingly. “If you’re a doctor I wasn’t aware of that until today.”
Doocy glumly said he was not. The reporter sitting to his right chimed in, joking, “Or do you play one on TV?” Doocy did not smile.
Psaki then proceeded to explain to Doocy, as though he were a small child or golden retriever, all about the CDC’s “green, yellow and red,” based on matters like the level of cases and transmissibility. D.C. is a green zone. Hence, masks are not required, though they are recommended, especially for those who come into contact with immunocompromised people.
She also explained how the CDC wanted to wait two more weeks before lifting the mandate, giving them a chance to study data and see if it’s safe to lift mandates or not. Instead, a Trump-appointed judge beat them to the punch.
In any case, if Psaki does skedaddle for another gig, perhaps she and Doocy can stay in touch.
On Sunday, Doja Cat took the stage at the 2022 Coachella Festival and she was nothing short of impressive. She cruised through her highlight records like “Say So,” “Need To Know,” and “Juicy” while also performing b-side releases from her three albums, Amala, Hot Pink, and Planet Her. Doja also invited Rico Nasty and Tyga for her performance, which was more than worthy of being a headlining set for Coachella. Aside from her excellent performance, which included a punk-rock rendition of “Say So,” Doja also broke some awesome news to fans at the festival as well as those watching at home.
At the end of her set, Doja Cat revealed that Taco Bell would be bringing back a beloved item to their menu. “I brought back the Mexican Pizza, by the way!” she yelled to the crowd as she walked off the stage on Sunday night. Taco Bell confirmed the news the following day in a post to Instagram, writing, “You know we had to give @DojaCat the news first. The #MexicanPizza is finally coming back 5/19!”
Please @tacobell bring back Mexican pizza and spicy potato soft taco. I’m asking you nicely first.
The Mexican Pizza is a pie made of ground beef and refried beans sandwiched between a pair of crispy flour shells with cheese melted top. The item has been off Taco Bell’s menu for the past two years, and in that time, many people have called for its return, including Doja herself. Towards the end of 2020, Doja tweeted, “Please @tacobell bring back Mexican pizza and spicy potato soft taco. I’m asking you nicely first.” A little over a year later, Doja returned with another message to Taco Bell, writing, “I want my f*ckin Mexican pizza back @tacobell why u quiet.” She even went as far as to make a song about Mexican Pizza, which she admitted was completely “contractual” between her and Taco Bell.
You can view the announcement in the post above.
Rico Nasty is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
Following Mac Miller’s tragic death towards the end of 2018, it was discovered that his passing was caused by a lethal combination of fentanyl, cocaine, and alcohol. A year after Miller’s death, three men were arrested for supplying Miller with the fatal drug which was oxycodone laced with fentanyl. Cameron James Pettit, Ryan Michael Reavis, and Andrew Walter were all found guilty for various roles in Miller’s overdose death. After the convictions were handed out, one of the drug dealers received their sentence for their involvement in Miller’s death.
According to Rolling Stone, Reavis, who is 39 years old, was recently sentenced to ten years and eleven months in prison. Reavis was accused of being the middle man between Walter, who pled guilty to selling the counterfeit oxycodone laced with fentanyl to Miller, and Pettit, supplied the pills to Miller. Before his sentencing, Reavis addressed the court saying that he was unaware that the pills were responsible for Miller’s death until he was arrested in 2019.
“This is not just a regular drug case,” Reavis said. “Somebody died, and a family is never going to get their son back. My family would be wrecked if it was me. They’d never be all right, never truly get over it. I think about that all the time. And I know that whatever happens today, I’m the lucky one because my family is here and I’m here and I’ll be with them again.” He added, “I feel terrible. This is not who I am. My perspective has changed. My heart has changed.”
You can see the full report about the sentence from Rolling Stonehere.
Mac Miller is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
In the new action comedy The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Nicolas Cage gets to pull a Being John Malkovich, playing a version of himself. His co-star, Pedro Pascal, doesn’t get the same honor. He’s the film’s semi-villain — a billionaire and Cage superfan who’s also a notorious arms dealer. But the Mandlorian star shares one thing with his character: He’s a big Cage head, too. He even recently revealed that one of his more recent roles was inspired by what is arguably the legendary actor’s most out-there performance.
In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Pascal recalls growing up watching Cage’s movies, among them Valley Girl, Peggy Sue Got Married, Raising Arizona, Moonstruck, Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, etc., etc. When he was cast as the Trumpian baddie in Wonder Woman 1984, he wound up turning to 1989’s Vampire’s Kiss, in which Cage plays a decadent ‘80s Manhattan literary agent who believes he’s turning into a bloodsucker. (He’s not. He’s just lost his mind.)
Ignored upon release, Vampire’s Kiss has turned over the decades into a cult favorite, thanks to Cage’s creatively deranged work as a man who starts over-the-top and somehow goes further off the rails. (He also at one point eats a real cockroach.) Look closely and you can see traces of that in Pascal’s comic book movie debut.
“I remember shooting a scene in 1984 and, in the instant, I was like, what kind of energy do I need here?” Pascal recalled. “And I remembered Nicolas Cage — before I ever met him, before the thought of ever making Massive Talent existed — I remembered him jumping on the desk in Vampire’s Kiss, kind of torturing María Conchita Alonso [who plays his secretary]. I remembered that scene and his energy, and obviously not deciding to do that, but just wanting a fraction of that kind of chaotic energy to make the scene that we were shooting that day work.”
You can watch the Vampire’s Kiss scene in question below. And if you watch the whole thing, you’ll realize it’s essentially a 103-minute Nicolas Cage supercut.
On Sunday, the NBA announced 2021-22 finalists for each major individual award, kickstarting further discussion about which players should come away with the hardware. As usual, the MVP discussion is in the center of the conversation, but the Defensive Player of the Year award race felt wide open, even after Boston’s Marcus Smart, Utah’s Rudy Gobert, and Phoenix’s Mikal Bridges were anointed as the top three candidates. The NBA did not waste any time, however, as the league announced the DPOY winner approximately 24 hours later, with Smart winning the award for the first time in his career and becoming the first guard to win the honor since 1995-96.
After Marcus Smart tweeted only guards with the initials GP could win #KiaDPOY, Gary Payton showed up in person to present him with the award #NBAAwardspic.twitter.com/mafUsQOHNF
Smart, a two-time All-Defensive Team selection, is the second player to win the Defensive Player of the Year award as a member of the Boston Celtics, joining Kevin Garnett in 2007-08. Given the wide-open nature of the race, it was not a surprise to see balance in the voting, but Smart won the top honor despite garnering only 37 of the 100 first-place votes. Bridges finished second with 22 first-place votes and 202 voting points, with Gobert narrowly missing a fourth DPOY award with 12 first-place votes and 136 points. Five different players received at least 10 first-place votes, with seven players garnering at least one first-place vote and nine players landing in the top two on at least one ballot.
Marcus Smart is the first guard to be named NBA Defensive Player of the Year since Gary Payton in the 1995-96 season. Smart is also the second player to win the award with the @celtics, joining Kevin Garnett (2007-08).
For several years, Smart has earned the reputation as one of the best defensive guards in the NBA, and he ranked in the top seven of the NBA in steals per game and total steals this season. In addition, he was a key cog on the league’s best defense in Boston, with the Celtics ranking No. 1 in the NBA in defensive efficiency, field goal percentage allowed, and three-point percentage allowed.
It took more than 25 years for a guard to win the Defensive Player of the Year award and, in some ways, the balanced field likely helped Smart to top other worthy contenders. Still, the perimeter players were perhaps “due” for recognition, and Smart remains one of the league’s best defenders with another piece of shiny hardware for his shelf.
Our quest to help you find the best bourbons to drink is seemingly never-ending. There’s so much out there right now, it’d take anyone a lifetime to get to it all. But as Cliff Booth says to his pal Rick Dalton in Once Upon Time In Hollywood, “I try.”
To that end, I’m breaking down the seven single barrel bourbon whiskeys that took home the coveted Double Gold Medal at the prestigious San Francisco World Spirits Competition this year. This is an event some have likened to “the Oscars of booze,” and the Double Gold-winning single barrel bourbons are the elite of the elite.
There were only 35 single barrel straight bourbon whiskey entrants this year, this out of more than a thousand whisk(e)ys submitted across all categories. Single barrel bourbon is a small category in general, and these bottles tend to be represent the finest expression of that brand. These are the one-off “honey” barrels, which exist more as miracles than anything standard you’ll find in “barrel proof,” “small batch,” or “straight bourbon” offerings. Look at it this way: if a single barrel of whiskey is somehow amazing enough on its own to be bottled, it’s one of the rarest barrels in the rickhouse (also worth remembering: “single barrel” doesn’t mean “cask proof” or “barrel proof,” as plenty of single barrel expressions are proofed down for optimal drinkability, like most bourbon).
All of that means that the bottles on this list are going to be a little harder to come by, especially if you’re not in the Ohio Valley, or don’t have some serious cash laying around. Still, I’d argue that these whiskeys are always worth seeking out to both expand your whiskey palate and your bar cart collection of “the good stuff.” Let’s dive in and see what took home the double gold this year.
Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months
This yearly single barrel expression from Uncle Nearest Master Blender Victoria Eady Butler is one of the most beloved Tennessee whiskeys around. Eady Butler handpicks high-proof barrels that are aged a minimum of 11 years for this bottling. Each one is chosen to exemplify the beauty of Tennessee whiskey that’s drawn straight from the barrel.
Tasting Notes:
On the nose, there’s a matrix of dried fruits, Christmas spices, malty oatcakes, oily vanilla pods, subtle maple sweetness, and a hint of dark chocolate cut with subtle orange oils. The palate delivers with the fruits leaning more towards candied cherries with worn leather, more dark cacao (especially with a little water to help it bloom), and plenty of sweet oak. There’s a long and fulfilling linger to this sip that ushers in a final note of buttery popcorn and a very distant billow of sweet tobacco pipe smoke.
Bottom Line:
If you can get your hands on this one, it’s a gem. A rock or a little water really helps it come to life in the glass (and calm down those higher ABVs). Overall, I’d be shocked if this wasn’t among the best in class/show when those awards are announced later this spring.
These whiskeys for E.H. Taylor, Jr. are aged in the famed Warehouse C at Buffalo Trace from their mash bill no. 1. While the exact parameters of that bill are undisclosed, this is the same recipe as Eagle Rare, Buffalo Trace Bourbon, and Stagg. In this case, the barrels are picked for their Taylor flavor profile and bottled one at a time with a slight touch of water to bring them down to bottled-in-bond proof.
Tasting Notes:
Dried dark fruits and a hint of vanilla wafers mingle with fig fruit leather, a touch of orchard wood, and a deep caramel on the nose. The palate holds onto those notes while layering in dark berry tobacco with sharp winter spices, new leather, and a singed cotton candy next to a cedar box filled with that tobacco. The finish lingers on your senses a while and leaves the spice behind for that dark, almost savory fruit note with an echo of blackberry Hostess pies next to soft leather pouches that have held chewy tobacco for decades and a final hint of old porch wicker in the middle of summer.
Bottom Line:
Goddamn, this is good bourbon. While this isn’t as elite (and over-inflated) as Elmer T. Lee, Blanton’s, Weller, or Pappy, it 100 percent lives up to the quality of those sibling brands from Buffalo Trace’s stills and rickhouses. Get this one while you still can.
This sourced whiskey is a bit of an outlier. The mash bill (from MGP of Indiana) is 51 percent corn, 45 percent wheat, and four percent malted barley. That makes this a supercharged wheated bourbon (most wheated bourbons are closer to ten to 20 percent wheat). The juice then ages for only three years before it’s bottled as-is by the blenders at Doc Whiskey.
“Tasting Notes: Fruit, cream, vanilla. Aroma: Fruit, cream, and vanilla. Sweet fruit notes of the corn add complexity, making it overly sweet and creamy.”
Bottom Line:
Easily the most affordable entry on the list, not to mention the most wheat-forward, for any lover of wheated-bourbon (a category that includes such notables as Pappy, Maker’s Mark, and W.L. Weller), you almost can’t afford not to check this one out (provided you can get your hands on it).
A. Smith Bowman Distillery — a sibling distillery to Buffalo Trace in Virginia — is renowned for bottling some of the boldest bourbons in the game. This release is a no-age-statement and undisclosed mash bill of Virginia whiskey that’s around 10 years old. The whiskey is just proofed to 100 proof with local spring water before bottling as-is.
Tasting Notes:
Pain au chocolate leads the way on the nose with chewy toffee candies, Granny Smith apple skins, rich vanilla pods, and a hint of sweet cedar planks rubbed with apple-cinnamon tobacco leaves. The palate is sweet and classic as dark Karo syrup leads toward heavy doses of vanilla in a crispy pecan waffle with a side of chocolate milkshake, dark fruit leather, figs, dates, and a hint of marzipan. The mid-palate amps up the leathery dark fruit sweetness then tumbles toward an almond-chocolate-toffee vibe on the end with a hint of oak, old leather, and figgy tobacco on the finish.
Bottom Line:
This is some good damn whiskey. It’s also so well priced that you can mix this into one hell of a Manhattan, Sazerac, or old fashioned.
Kirkland Signature Single Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon
This Costco release is sourced from Sazerac’s other Kentucky distillery, Barton 1792 Distillery down in Bardstown, Kentucky. The whiskey in the bottle is very likely the same distillate/barrels as 1792 Full Proof, which won double gold as well from San Francisco this year. However, this is proofed down a tiny bit below that at 120 proof instead of 125 proof, adding some nuance to this release.
Tasting Notes:
This is, again, classic from top to bottom with a nose full of oily vanilla, thick caramel sauce, and a sense of almond shells by way of sweet oak with some dark fruit lingering in the background. The palate builds upon those promises with mulled wine-soaked cinnamon sticks, corn husks, nutmeg-heavy eggnog, creamy vanilla, a touch of dark cherry tobacco, and a dusting of dark chocolate powder. The finish brings it all together with a spicy/hot finish that’s part spicy chocolate pipe tobacco and part brandied cherry with an oaky base.
Bottom Line:
These are pretty fleeting but worth snagging (if you can). For one, it’s priced so well, especially since this is a one-liter bottle (instead of a standard 750ml bottle). Moreover, this is a just damn fine bourbon that works as well as a sipper as it does in cocktails.
Nashville Barrel Co. is doing some of the best work in the bottling game, full stop. They’re sourcing incredible barrels (a lot from MGP) and bottling them as-is without any cutting, filtering, or fussing — they let the whiskey speak for itself and it’s kind of magical. This expression tends to be five to eight-year-old barrels that will vary slightly in the flavor profile while always leaning into bold and distinct flavors.
Tasting Notes:
Depending on which bottle you come across, expect a nose full of cotton candy, buttered popcorn, vanilla beans, freshly baked cherry pie with a lard crust, and plenty of caramel sauce, mild leather, hints of oak, and a dollop of orange oil. The palate will lean into the spice with plenty of cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, and allspice with maybe a hint of anise and sweetgrass before a mid-palate of Almond Joy and salted caramel candies take over. That sweet mid-point will give way to a finish with nutty dark chocolate clusters with hints of dried fruits, old leather, sweet oak, and plenty of wintry spices.
Bottom Line:
I’ve maybe tasted 20 of these over the last nine months from various sources (including barrels at the dope tasting room in Nashville) and I’ve never had a bad sip. Nashville Barrel Co. is batting a 1,000 right now. Don’t sleep on these, they really are that special and might just win a best in show/class this year.
The whiskey is basically one step away from being a Pappy single barrel. The juice is the same wheated bourbon distillate that’s loaded into the same barrels. The main difference is the flavor profile these single barrels hit because they’re all under eight years old (Pappy is 10 years and older). These barrels are picked for their “Weller” flavor profile and then the juice is cut down very slightly with that famously soft Kentucky limestone water.
Tasting Notes:
The nose opens with a mix of fresh mint next to ripe red cherries with a vanilla backbone and a shaving of dry wood. The taste holds onto that vanilla while building towards eggnog spiciness with hints of dark chocolate, salted caramel corn balls, espresso bean bitterness, and this small flourish of white pepper. That powdery pepper lingers and warms as the sip slowly fades away, leaving you with those creamy eggnog spices, woody vanilla husks, and a mild tobacco buzz and warmth by way of a pine humidor.
Bottom Line:
What can I say about Weller that hasn’t already been said? While it’s no longer the “poor man’s Pappy,” this is still pretty stellar whiskey. It’s just a shame you can’t find this nearer its MSRP of $50. If that were the case, this would be one of the best cocktail bourbons around.
Over the weekend, social media lost it over a commercial for a new Tucker Carlson documentary called The End of Men, which alleges that testosterone levels are dangerously low. Specifically people zeroed in on a wildly homoerotic montage of shirtless, ripped men doing things like shooting guns and swinging axes and milking cows.
But that clip was just the tip of the iceberg. In an hour-long special previewing the new season of Tucker Carlson Originals, his doc series that airs on the streamer Fox Nation, the allegedly unvaxxed host chats with “fitness professional” Andrew McGovern, who explains some of the more curious images in the montage: shots of naked men standing in front of some infrared doodad.
In his new special on how to raise testosterone levels in men, Tucker Carlson’s guest suggests “testicle tanning” using infrared light as a “bromeopathic” therapy. pic.twitter.com/PirerBMRyr
What are these nude dudes doing? They’re heating up their junk. McGovern advises that if men want to “optimize” their testosterone, to take it “to another level,” they should try full-body red-light therapy. Or, as Carlson called it, “testicle tanning.” Whatever one calls it, McGovern asserts that it has “massive amount of benefits.” (Note: There isn’t much strong data on this practice’s benefits or lack thereof.)
The alleged decline of macho masculinity has been a favorite subject of Carlson, who used to wear bowties on television. Last November, he brought on Trumpist senator Josh Hawley, who told him, “Men are in crisis,” lamenting that “assertive” and “independent” guys’ guys are being treated as oppressors in today’s pluralistic society. Then again, perhaps Hawley hadn’t heard that to get back one’s masculinity, men can simply start heating their nuts.
Still, better Tucker telling people to blast their nutsacs than airing conspiracy theories so unhinged it enrages his own colleagues.
We sing the praises of fast food pretty often around here. The best cheeseburgers, the greatest tenders, the chicken sandwiches so good they’ll distract you from the weird dark timeline we’re living in, how to make Chipotle edible — we’ll never stop finding ways to dissect fast food. We do this because we’ve all been in that position where you’re hungry, spoiled for options, and just don’t have the time to bother thinking about what is the most worth your money.
But today we’ve decided to flip the script, instead of talking about the best of the best, we need to start calling out which menu items are truly awful. Or, to put a fine point on. it, what’s the least worth your cash.
Our hopes aren’t just to save you some money by avoiding these bad foods, we’re also hoping the big fast food brands take notice and make some changes, and judging from the emails I’ve received after I roasted El Pollo Loco’s birria, they do notice! Here are the worst fast food menu items at all the big chains.
Arby’s — Chicken Slider
Arbys
It was between Arby’s Chicken Slider and the side salad (which is just an iceberg and leaf blend with tomato and shredded cheddar which is the absolute bare minimum to be considered a salad) but we’ve got to give it to the Arby’s Chicken Slider — this is terrible.
This… thing only exists because Arby’s already makes Roast Beef and Roasted Turkey sliders — both of which are good, especially when you add jalapeño — and since they have the little buns on sight, they just decided to throw a chicken tender in-between one and top it with some Swiss cheese and call it a “chicken slider.”
It’s awful. Not only does it taste like an afterthought, not something that was actually taste-tested or workshopped, but its primary focus is one of Arby’s worst meat options, the fried chicken tender. The chicken is dry, stringy, and tastes like black pepper and grease while the Swiss offers little more than a soft mouthfeel. It doesn’t melt and I’m not sure it’s even capable of melting.
The Bottom Line:
It’s the most depressing thing you’ll ever eat at Arby’s. It’s even more depressing than eating inside Arby’s alone at 9:49 pm on a Tuesday on a Spring night. Not that I’ve ever done that or anything. Like… for this article.
Oh, Burger King, you’ve taken the bottom spot on so many of our rankings and we seriously gave a thought to putting your whole menu down for this ranking, but we have to give it to those Chicken Nuggets, they are truly the worst food on the BK menu.
And that’s really saying something because we’re pretty sure Burger King is home to no one’s favorite anything.
An eight-piece order of the Chicken Nuggets can be yours for the low low price of $1.49, that’s just over 18 cents per nugget, which begs the question: what the fuck is in these nuggets?! Sometimes Burger King will have a special where they’ll throw you 10 nuggets for $1.49. How is it this cheap? Do we want to know?
The flavors are truly awful, they aren’t crispy like a McNugget, they’re soft and squishy with a spongey meat texture that practically dissolves in the mouth from your saliva alone.
The Bottom Line:
This is the worst possible food you can order from a fast food drive-thru.
This was a hard one for me because I have a lot of nostalgic love for these weird star-shaped chicken… things, but when it comes down to it I have to admit, the Chicken Stars are Carl’s Jr.’s worst menu item, hands down.
Worse than any single breakfast item, all of the dessert options, and even the French Toast Dips (which are a close second), these stars just don’t really taste like chicken. They are coated in this weird super crispy but ultimately flavorless breading (it tastes like oil, that’s it) and the texture of the chicken itself is weird and webby. The meat is somewhere between a paste and halfway dry glue.
The Bottom Line:
We’ve had plant-based chicken that tastes more like chicken than these weird fucked up stars.
I love to dunk on Chick-fil-A, and the chicken chain is constantly giving people new reasons to dislike them, but we have to admit, the menu is pretty damn solid. Because the sandwiches, nuggets, breakfast offerings, salads, and even beverages are so good, the chain seems to (mostly) get away with their shitty politics.
They’re the Kanye West of fast food chains, openly awful and somehow beloved by younger Millenials and Zoomers despite it. It was hard to find a bad item on Chick-fil-A’s menu, but we found it — it’s the Cool Wrap.
If the Cool Wrap is your go-to order, don’t feel bad, it’s just the least flavorful thing on the menu, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good. This wrap features sliced grilled chicken wrapped in a layer of Monterey Jack and Cheddar cheese with green leaf lettuce, in a rolled flaxseed flatbread.
The problem is this is essentially a Chick-fil-A Spicy Southwest Salad (different menu item) without the grape tomatoes, roasted corn, black beans, poblano chilies, and bell peppers, which is a long way of saying, “without flavor.”
I just don’t see why’d you’d order this instead of a salad unless you plan on eating while you’re driving. It lacks flavor, and the flaxseed wrap only makes it come across as blander.
The Bottom Line:
Essentially a Spicy Southwest Salad for people who are allergic to flavor.
To be fair to Chipotle’s queso, they’ve revamped the recipe and it’s significantly better than the old yellow queso they used to sell which was famously awful, but… it’s still Chipotle’s worst menu item. It’s garlicky, oniony, and has a nice blend of chili peppers that provides heat and some subtle fruitiness but it just doesn’t taste all that cheesy.
Chipotle claims that the Queso Blanco is made with a blend of white cheddar and Monterey Jack cheese, but you can’t really taste any of the nutty qualities of the Monterey and none of that distinct sharpness of cheddar. The onion heavily dominates the flavor which leads us to ask, what’s with that onion, Chipotle? Everything it touches it dominates. The guacamole, onion, the fajitas, onion, they even put onions in the fucking corn!
For God’s sake, Chipotle chill out with the onion.
The Bottom Line:
Smoother than Chipotle’s old queso, but still the weakest menu item by a significant amount. It’s not even worth tasting for curiosity’s sake.
This one was a hard one because KFC has Pot Pie on the menu and who the f*ck is eating pot pies at KFC? I’ve had it and… it’s not that bad, the Mac & Cheese on the other hand is essentially Kraft. It has that radioactive cheese sludge quality that low-quality Mac has, a one-note salty flavor, and a creamy and sticky mouthfeel that tastes more unappetizing the longer it stays in your mouth.
Seriously this is the worst Mac & Cheese you’ll ever eat and if this is your go-to side at KFC then your tastebuds might be broken. At the very least they’re been burnt off by salt.
The Bottom Line:
KFC’s worst side, and that’s saying something considering they also have coleslaw.
This should surprise no one. The fact that In-N-Out’s french fries aren’t good is every In-N-Out hater’s favorite go-to roast. That said, if you’re one of those weird people who always take it upon yourself to say “AcTUaLlY In-N-Out Isn’T ThAt GoOD AnD ThE FriEs ArE TeRrIbLE!” to people after they proclaim their love for the So-Cal burger chain, go get a life you weird party pooper.
In-N-Out is objectively delicious and yeah, the fries are bad, but let me “but actually” you for a second because while these fries taste like cardboard at best and Styrofoam at worst, they’re still not that bad.
We have to give In-N-Out credit for peeling a fry and frying it on-site, Shake Shack would never, and with the right amount of salt and pepper this is arguably one of the better fast food French fries your money can buy. No, they aren’t McDonald’s fries, but they’re natural and there isn’t a secret sprinkling of sugar on them to get you addicted.
In-N-Out’s burger deserves better accompaniment, but you could do a lot worse than this.
The Bottom Line:
It’s In-N-Out’s obvious weak link but there are multiple ways to salvage these fries. Chopped chilies, animal style, salt and pepper, asking for them “lightly fried,” it takes a little creativity but these aren’t nearly as bad as people like to pretend.
It has taken me years of analyzing Jack in the Box’s menu, which is insane, to finally understand that Jack in the Box wants desperately to be a greasy spoon-type establishment. Where else can you get pancakes, teriyaki chicken, cheeseburgers, fish sandwiches, tacos, and thick and creamy milkshakes but at a greasy spoon? Unfortunately, Jack in the Box isn’t good at doing any of those things (aside from milkshakes) but their absolute worst menu item in a sea of bad menu items has to be the Jumbo Egg Rolls.
They look (and taste) like someone threw up an egg roll, and then rolled it up and fried it, and now you’re eating it. It is the foulest fast food creation I’ve ever experienced.
The cabbage, celery, carrot, and onion blend has a sort of dirty and sour flavor to it and the meat is dry on the outside and rubbery on the inside. Jack in the Box claims it’s pork but I’m not completely sure this is even meat.
The Bottom Line:
Jack in the Box has egg rolls! We get it, that’s novel and exciting for a fast food drive-thru, but don’t order them. Even when you’re stoned.
McDonald’s Sausage Burrito is an actual insult to the very concept of the burrito. If this was for some reason the only burrito you ever ate, you’d come to the conclusion that burritos aren’t good, because this thing has no redeeming qualities.
The tortilla isn’t steamed on the grill and it tastes chalky and chewy like they just took it out of the package. I’m not expecting fresh tortillas from McDonald’s, but come one, heat it up on the grill to make it more pliable and bring forward the flavors. Even Chipotle heats up their tortillas despite keeping all of their other ingredients at frustratingly lukewarm temperatures.
If all of that wasn’t enough, McDonald’s practically spits in all of our mouths by throwing American cheese into this thing. So here are the flavors you’re getting: the sharpness of McDonald’s onions, dry and funky smelling scrambled eggs, peppers that provide texture but no flavor, dry sausage, and the salty quality of a not-quite-melted slice of American cheese wrapped in a thick tortilla that tastes like flour dustings.
Mmm.
The Bottom Line:
The worst breakfast burrito you’ll ever eat in your life. You couldn’t make a worse burrito with your eyes closed.
I love Popeyes, I think for the most part the chicken chain does a pretty good-to-great job at everything they make, even the beignets! But this Coleslaw is vile. It’s sour and quite frankly, it smells spoiled. Was I served a bad order of coleslaw? Maybe, but I didn’t stick around to find out. I ate a spoonful, nearly gagged, and had to throw it away.
Popeyes shouldn’t sell this, it’s taking up a menu slot that can be better utilized by something else. Give us a corn cob, a vegetable side, anything else but this.
The Bottom Line:
Disgusting isn’t a strong enough word to describe just how truly bad this is.
I know, I know, Rally’s fries are amazing, those new fry-seasoned chicken strips? Love ‘em, chili cheese fries made with these puppies? Forget about it. Delicious. Fast food game-changers, but this batter just doesn’t work with mozzarella cheese.
There is a sickly oily flavor to this thing, the cheap cheese leaks grease into a batter that is too light and doesn’t provide enough crunch, it just tastes like a greasy mess, and not in a good way. It’s kind of a disgrace to mozzarella sticks, it doesn’t really satisfy your craving for fried mozzarella, and it doesn’t live up to the expectations you’ll undoubtedly have if you love Rally’s fries.
The Bottom Line:
In addition to the sin of being called ‘Monsterella Stix,’ these are awful and will only disappoint you.
I’m not sure why In-N-Out’s fries constantly get shit on when we have these things over at Shake Shack wasting menu space. In-N-Out makes a great cheeseburger, but Shake Shack’s is on another level thanks to its custom Pat LaFrieda meat blend. The Shack has managed to make a gourmet cheeseburger in every sense of the word and deliver it to a fast food hungry audience so call me crazy for expecting the same level of craft when it comes to the fries.
But these might be one of fast food’s worst fries. They’re not so much crispy as they are hard, and while they’re noticeably fluffy, they have no flavor, they just taste like crispy salt. These are frozen fries, which some people swear by because freezing potatoes can cause them to crisp up better, but there is a better way, and it’s in keeping with Shake Shack’s gourmet practices.
Let me help you out Shake Shack because I’m a bit of a French fry expert. First, you peel a potato and chop it up. Then you toss it in a pot of boiling water with a hint of vinegar. The vinegar will help the potato to keep its consistency once it’s boiled.
Once cooled, toss the boiled fries in the oil of your choice and you’ve got a perfectly cooked French fry. It’ll be crispy on the outside and buttery and fluffy on the inside and if you really want to get crazy, you can double fry it for even more crispiness.
The Bottom Line:
It’s hard to f*ck up fries, but Shake Shack has done it.
I’m sorry to whoever’s favorite Taco Bell meal is the Nachos BellGrande because I’m sure it’s someone. This is the most low-effort attempt at making nachos I’ve ever eaten, a movie theater couldn’t do worse. On a bed of way-too-thin tortilla chips sits some of Taco Bell’s weird ground meat, which shouldn’t even be legal to sell, a few chunks of pale tomato, a smattering of powdered beans, a dollop of sour cream — which does the flavor no favors — and some globs of nacho cheese.
It tastes like garbage. ‘But how do you know what garbage tastes like?!’ Because I’ve had Taco Bell. There isn’t a single redeeming quality about this dish, and the longer it takes you to eat it, the worse it gets.
It also smells absolutely awful and that smell will transfer over to you for hours after the meal is finished, wafting from multiple orifices.
Wendy’s menu is completely solid. They have tasty breakfast offerings, a great list of sides, delicious chicken sandwiches, mid-tier nuggets, great burgers, and good fries. So finding a weak link in the mighty Wendy’s armor wasn’t easy, until one fateful day we weren’t feeling that hungry and opted for the Junior Cheeseburger in lieu of the quarter-pound Dave’s Single.
Big mistake. What sets Wendy’s apart from a lot of other fast food places is that the chain only uses fresh, non-frozen beef (though this is becoming less novel thanks to fast-casual restaurants) but this beef tastes like it’s from a completely different stock. Dry, spongey, and weirdly nervy, this doesn’t possess any of the decadent salty goodness that the Dave’s Single has, it just tastes cheap.
The Bottom Line:
Never order a Jr. cheeseburger at Wendy’s. We don’t care how good the deal is, it’s not worth it for this cafeteria-quality cheeseburger.
While wheat beers are popular in the spring and summer months, there’s really no wrong time of year to enjoy a standard wheat beer, witbier, hefeweizen, weizenbock, dunkelweizen, lambic, or even a salty, fresh gose. This top-fermented beer style — which technically makes it an ale — has a place in every season. Just ask the Bavarians who still down a half-liter of hefeweizen for breakfast every day.
Chris Collier, the brewer at Biggerstaff Brewing in Atlanta, opts for old-world styles when he’s thirsty for a wheat beer. “It’s hard to go wrong with a traditional unfiltered Belgian witbier or German hefeweizen.”
“Belgian wits are traditionally made with orange peel and coriander resulting in elegant citrus and perfume characteristics, paired with complex spiciness from the Belgian yeast,” Collier explains. “German hefeweizens have a fluffy and bready mouthfeel and a distinctive banana and clove flavor from the unique yeast strain used and fermentation temperatures employed.”
Like most beer styles, wheat beer is rooted in centuries-old traditions. But with so many different variations, there’s sure to be a style that appeals to any contemporary beer drinkers’ palate. To prove it, we asked a handful of well-known craft beer experts, brewers, and beer professionals to tell us the one wheat beer they drink any time of the year. Their answers included a nice mix of classic European and crafty American takes.
Schneider Weiss Original
Schneider Weiss
Greg Deuhs, director of brewing, batching, and quality at Sprecher Brewery in Glendale, Wisconsin
I like the traditional German wheat beer that has the banana isoamyl taste that also isn’t over-clove-like but has other fruit tastes to them. This flavorful and memorable wheat beer will make you forget what you think about the style.
It’s hard to picture a better beer for a warm day than Westbrook White Thai. A witbier by way of Southeast Asia, it’s brewed with lemongrass, ginger root, and Japanese Sorachi Ace hops for spritzy lemon flavor with a hint of ginger spice. Keep it cold and you won’t find many more refreshing beers on the planet.
While I drink it all year long, my favorite time of year to drink hefeweizen is on a sunny spring afternoon. Classic versions like Paulaner’s have aromas of clove and banana, a spritzy mouthfeel that’s reminiscent of summer brews but fuller in body to keep any chillier days at bay.
La Rana Dorada Blanche
La Rana Dorada
Marshall Hendrickson, co-founder and head of brewing operations at Veza Sur Brewing in Miami
ABV: 4.5%
Average Price: Limited Availability
Why This Beer?
La Rana Dorada Blanche is my pick. I worked for La Rana Dorada years ago, and to this day it’s my favorite Belgian-style witbier. The beer has an amazingly smooth mouthfeel from all of the wheat and oats used in the mash. The brewers use freshly dried orange peels in the brew to give it a nice citrusy finish. It’s truly a fantastic beer.
Bell’s Oberon
Bell
Nancy Lopetegui, taproom general manager at Wynwood Brewing in Miami
It’s hot all year round in Miami and this beer is a perfect thirst-quenching choice. The citrusy, orange zest in this wheat ale is perfect for warm weather and sunshine. It’s only available in the spring, but I’d drink it any time of year.
Allagash White has a really nice spicy, peppery flavor and a touch of citrus that adds a nice layer of complexity. The flavor depth goes well on colder days, while the lower ABV and dry finish really lend it to a warmer day. That being said, it’s a great choice all year long.
A craft classic, any time I want a light American wheat beer, I pick up a twelve-pack of Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat. Light in ABV but big in citrus and wheat flavors, it is supremely smooth and crushable. There’s a reason it’s the most popular craft beer in the Midwest.
One of the best wheat beers to drink all year long is Berliner Weisse. It’s perfect for the warmer weather but still hits the spot on a cooler night. It’s light in alcohol and refreshingly tart. I enjoy adding different flavored syrups to add some sweetness and additional flavors to it. You can enjoy this beer all day long. One of the best American versions is Creature Comforts Athena. This classic take on the German-style beer is tart, lactic, and filled with citrus flavors.
Germany’s Weihenstephaner is touted as being the oldest brewery in the world with its history dating back to 1040. In almost a thousand years, they’ve had a chance to perfect their beers, especially their Hefe Weissbier. This flavorful beer is filled with notes of ripe fruit, banana, clove, citrus, and slight pepper flavor that pulls everything together.
This unfiltered wheat beer was made in the German style. Great on a hot day or literally any time of year, it’s highlighted by flavors like cloves, ripe bananas, bubblegum, and tart citrus. It’s refreshing, complex, and a perfect beer to get acquainted with the style.
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