Donald Trump‘s ever-expanding menagerie of random phobias has plagued him for years. Stairs, germs, fruit, steaks without ketchup on them, you know the drill. Well, now there’s a new item to add to the list: Pies.
According to a new deposition from Trump’s former fixer, Michael Cohen, the 45th president allegedly lived in fear of getting hit in the face with a cream pie like he’s in The Three Stooges or a Bugs Bunny cartoon. The guy who positioned himself as America’s toughest, strongest president will apparently crumble at the thought of baked goods coming at him. Via The Daily Beast:
“We were all instructed that if somebody was to ever throw anything at him, that if that person didn’t end up in the hospital, we’d all be fired,” he said, noting that the instruction came from the head honcho himself.
When contacted by The Daily Beast on Friday, Cohen clarified that Trump at times seemed obsessed with pies.
“It wasn’t just one time. It was an ongoing and regular thing. As he would go out to various different open venues, he would always remind Keith [Schiller] to keep his eyes open,” Cohen told The Daily Beast. “He never would turn around and say, ‘If anyone throws a rock or a bottle…’ It’s always a pie. He always brought up that pie thing.”
As the President of the United States, obviously, Trump’s life is in constant danger whenever he goes out in public. So it’d be completely understandable if he was worried about being shot, stabbed, or exploded in terrifying fashion. But, nope, his number one fear is pies because, and this is directly from Cohen’s testimony, Bill Gates got hit in the face with one in 1998. That’s what keeps Trump awake at night.
Holey Moley must be horrifying for him.
(Via The Daily Beast)