If we’re being honest, one typically doesn’t need to look too far to find a reason to criticize Ted Cruz and his inane “ideas” for solving just about any crisis. (Freezing cold with no heat or electricity? Fly the family to Cancun!) But the senator from Texas seems to really be outdoing himself this week, in the wake of the attack on Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. On Thursday night, Seth Meyers was more than happy to list all the reasons why Cruz’s reaction to the deadliest school shooting in a decade makes absolutely zero f**king sense.
While, as Meyers stated, the fact that America has more mass shootings than any other country in the world by far because we have more guns “should be blindingly obvious to anyone with clear eyes and a conscience,” the one exception he makes is for “the craven ghouls who refuse to even acknowledge America’s gun crisis.” That would include Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, who thinks that “turning to God” is the only way we can stop these mass killings. Patrick has also hopped aboard the “one door” solution that Cruz has idiotically proposed, in which any school would and should only have one door that people can use to enter and exit—and that an armed guard should be stationed there. Or, as Meyers puts it: “Just get rid of doors!” On Thursday, he had a lot more to say about this utterly imbecilic proposal:
I’m sorry, you don’t want gun control but you want DOOR CONTROL?!
Why stop at one? Why not just outlaw doors altogether, then no one would need keys. To get in your house, you just have to climb up to the roof and slide headfirst down the chimney. REALLY! You REALLY think one door is a good idea? Then how ‘bout you try it first. One door for the Senate. You can all line up to go in every day—which Ted Cruz might not think is bad, but it’s a f**king nightmare for whoever has to stand next to Ted Cruz…
Just spitballing here, but maybe run this idea by a fire marshal first and see what they have to say about it. Because, famously, nothing bad has ever happened when there’s only one way in and one way out of a crowded building. Can you imagine what would happen if someone in an office, say, with only one door yelled ‘Fire!’? Or, worse still, ‘Ted Cruz is in the breakroom!’
Meyers is convinced that these “obviously aren’t serious ideas,” but instead “pathetic excuses” from the greediest and most shameless politicians who would rather keep cashing big checks from the NRA than doing something—anything—to save America’s children.
You can watch the full clip above.