Month: June 2022

When she’s not voicing a hormone monster in Big Mouth or occasionally returning to late-night TV with her Beyonce impression, Maya Rudolph playing a billionaire who is going through a tough time. While it’s hard to sympathize with billionaires, we can for Loot, the upcoming series from AppleTV+.

Rudolph stars as Molly, a disillusioned billionaire who has everything she wants, until she learns that her husband, played by notoriously good guy Adam Scott, is having an affair with a younger woman. Molly spirals and then decides to take matters into her own hands, and begin spending her days working at her foundation to turn her life around, and prove to her ex-husband that she is capable of being rich AND a good person! Maybe life isn’t about the millions of dollars you earn….but the friends you made along the way? But having money is a really important bonus.

From the looks of the trailer, the show will feature some cute fashion montages and also some relatable moments of Rudolph crying while eating candy. The range!

Loot also stars Michaela Jaé Rodriguez, Ron Funches, Nat Faxon, and Joel Kim Booster. The series was written and executive produced by Emmy award-winning creators Alan Yang and Matt Hubbard. Rudolph also produces, alongside her friend Natasha Lyonne and Danielle Renfrew Behrens. The series will consist of 10 episodes, with the first three streaming on June 24th. Check out the trailer above.

Fans across all of gaming eagerly anticipate the new titles that are on the way from some of their favorite franchises, development studios, and publishers right around this time of year. Getting us started in 2022 was Sony with a “short” 30-minute PlayStation State of Play event.

While it might not be the sometimes two-hour long presentation that we’re used to, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t full of huge news. In that half hour, we got new announcements, ports, and some much wanted updates on a couple of previously announced games.

Resident Evil 4 Remake

This one was a longtime coming. A remake of Resident Evil 4 has been a rumor basically ever since the release of the remake of Resident Evil 3. Of course, the question everyone had was what, exactly, was this game going to do that was any different from the previous one to justify a remake, especially since a lot of the modern remakes were following the style that Resident Evil 4 made popular in the first place. Rumors told us that the intent of this remake was to make the game scarier, but the trailer didn’t create too much fear.

That doesn’t mean the game isn’t scarier by any means, but for a reveal trailer, it was definitely more focused on showing the cinematics of the game rather than gameplay or new frights. Then again, revealing their hand before the game comes out might take away some of the fun when it releases in March, so it’s understandable they didn’t want to show off too much.

PlayStation VR 2

For anyone who thought Virtual Reality had been abandoned by major developers, Sony wants them to know that it has definitely not given up. A significant portion of State of Play was given to all of the VR games that are coming to the PlayStation VR 2. Among these were two ports, Resident Evil Village and No Mans Sky, but we also got a new glimpse into the VR exclusive Horizon Call of the Mountain, which has the kind of appeal that could drive people into buying a VR system.

VR is still relatively new for a lot of people, and the install base is pretty low, but it’s cool to see PlayStation and Sony not giving up on it yet. More VR games are always welcome in an industry that is constantly seeking out the next big thing.

Stray

Stray is this really intriguing game about what appears to be a stray cat exploring a futuristic-looking world. Part of why this game is so fascinating is that it’s been shown off at nearly every single PlayStation event since the PS5 was first unveiled in 2020. We know a lot about Stray and yet we also know so little. It’s a game with trailers that have featured puzzle-solving, exploration, and even a little bit of combat. The city that this little stray cat has to explore feels very deep and interesting, the exact kind of mystery players will want to solve.

Even more fun is that, after so many teasers, we’re finally getting a release date for the game: July 19, 2022. Finally, we can solve the mystery of this city and get this adorable cat to safety.

Street Fighter 6

Street Fighter 6 is the next entry into the Street Fighter franchise and it’s going to be a highly-anticipated one. That’s not only because Street Fighter is still a notable franchise among gamers, but also because a lot of fans of the franchise found Street Fighter V to be a little underwhelming. Unfortunately, Street Fighter 6 didn’t get off to the strongest start when many fans felt that the reveal trailer didn’t give enough information and had a weird art style.

The trailer shown off during the State of Play gave us a little bit more information about the style, as well as a look at its single-player mode. So, what did they have in mind? A dense, open world where players can explore and get into, well, street fights. It is fun to see them taking the namesake and creating a literal story around it. We’re interested to see how it works out when the game launches in 2023.

Final Fantasy XVI

The show closed out with a new trailer for Final Fantasy XVI. Fans have been asking for more information about this one for quite some time. Final Fantasy is one of those franchises that has had a worldwide impact on gaming, and its fanbase will always show up for a new mainline title, especially when a new numbered entry hasn’t come out since 2016.

Well, fans can rest easy, because this event gave us a 2023 summer release date for the upcoming JRPG title and a good mix of both gameplay and cinematics. This is expected to be a really bombastic entry and an interesting return to form for the franchise. While there are some subtle sci-fi elements in the trailer, a lot of this game is set in a classic fantasy setting. It might sound weird to praise this series for having a fantasy setting, a lot of the more recent entries have leaned into the game’s sci-fi elements. This return to form is going to be a welcome sight to many longtime Final Fantasy fans.

Piers Morgan needs to get a life—one that doesn’t revolve around him imagining that he and Meghan Markle had some sort of romantic relationship, or that she threw him over for Prince Harry. Not only has his creepy obsession with the actress-turned-royal caused problems for him professionally, it has turned him into a vindictive pile of goo who regularly embarrasses himself by publicly chastising the Duchess for all sorts of innocuous behaviors. And this week, it happens to be smiling.

Yes, smiling.

On Thursday, Morgan welcomed royal biographer Tom Bower onto Piers Morgan Uncensored to discuss all the hoopla surrounding the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee. And while he kicked off the program by noting that the Queen would be skipping the Thanksgiving Service at St. Paul’s Cathedral, he clearly couldn’t wait to start the Meghan-bashing—and he found an equally enthusiastic partner in Bower.

While Morgan stated that his “big objection to Harry and Meghan is primarily the rampant hypocrisy that accompanies almost everything that comes out of their mouths.” Specifically, he took issue with them arriving in London via private jet despite their constant “preaching” about the environment. But it was Bower who went for the jugular:

“Well, you get excited about that. I get excited about Meghan appearing in this extraordinary hat with a big smile and letting down the window of her car so she could be seen. I mean, here is a woman who—as you know better than anyone else—according to you, lied 17 times on The Oprah Show interview, and hasn’t yet apologized.

“Why has she come here? Has she come here to apologize to the Queen? Has she come here to say that she’s sorry to the Duchess of Cambridge? Or is she here to promote herself?”

While both men agreed that Prince Andrew having to pay millions of dollars to settle a sexual assault claim was bad for the monarchy, they seemed to think that Markle’s claims of racism within the royal family was an even worse offense—and blame the Duchess.

Still, Bower couldn’t get over Meghan’s audacity to smile while wearing an oversized hat—a move that he believes “shows just what a brazen hussy she is.” To which a clearly pleased Morgan responded: “Well, your words not mine, but I’m not denying them.”

Jada Pinkett Smith addressed her husband Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars, a.k.a. The Slap, for the first time (minus a cryptic Instagram post) in the latest episode of her talk show, Red Table Talk. “My deepest hope is that these two intelligent, capable men have an opportunity to heal, talk this out and reconcile,” she said. “The state of the world today, we need them both. And we all actually need one another more than ever. Until then, Will and I are continuing to do what we have done for the last 28 years, and that’s keep figuring out this thing called life together. Thank you for listening.”

Vivica A. Fox isn’t having any of Pinkett Smith’s “self-righteous” comment.

“This is going to be difficult for me. These are my peers. I’ve done a movie with both of them. Set It Off with Jada and Independence Day with Will Smith, which absolutely changed my life,” the Kill Bill actress said on Thursday’s The Wendy Williams Show.

After explaining that she was rooting for Smith on Oscars night (he won Best Actor for his performance in King Richard), Fox turned her attention to Pinkett Smith. “Will Smith was defending her honor, that’s the reason he walked on stage and slapped because he felt like his wife had been offended so for me to see no accountability as a partner,” she said. “Also, let’s not forget, Chris Rock was assaulted. We cannot forget that for basically telling a joke that I really felt wasn’t that bad.” Fox continued:

“Let’s not forget the show was executive produced by Will Packer, an African American man. This night was a night of African American and diversity for brown and Black people. That now will forever be scarred… I have love for the Smiths. I know their children. I’ve watched them grow up,” she said. “I just wish we could have just a little more accountability and for it to not seem so self-righteous on Jada’s part and that’s my feelings.”

You can watch Fox’s comments above.

(Via People)

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott rarely has a dull moment these days, and that’s not a good thing in this situation. Although his state avoided another ice-storm debacle this year, Abbott still kept the hits coming with a defense of his state’s insane new abortion law (which he said doesn’t need a rape exception because he will handily round up all the rapists). Now, he’s reacting to the Uvalde mass school shooting (in which a lone gunman killed 19 children with an AR-15 style rifle purchased on his 18th birthday, when you can’t buy alcohol or rent a car at that age) with what he feels are hard-hitting new laws.

Not quite, though. Abbott tweeted out a letter that outlined his plan, and it sure looks like the onus for preventing shooting is on the schools. In other words, he’s not here for restricting how easy it is to purchase semi-automatic weapons. Instead, one should expect an increased GOP obsession with doors:

I’m directing the Texas Education Agency to ensure schools are held to heightened safety standards following the tragedy in Uvalde.

I requested TEA to:
– Identify actions to make campuses more secure
– Conduct weekly inspections of doors
– Increase presence of trained officers

It also sounds like there will be fake intruders coming to schools, via the Texas Tribune, which detailed Abbott’s directive for “in-person, unannounced, random intruder detection audits on school districts.”

What could go wrong? That’s the sentiment coming from Twitter, which wondered whether these unannounced fake-intruders would end up in the crossfire, and all of this will only cause further trauma to already on-edge kids.

Well, at least it’s summer vacation, so this won’t happen for a few months, but yikes.

(Via Texas Tribune)

The soundtrack for Baz Luhrmann’s upcoming Elvis biopic continues to show off its unexpected eclecticism with another new song from Diplo and Swae Lee titled “Tupelo Shuffle.” The song also features Gary Clark Jr. and the film’s star Austin Butler and is built atop an interpolation of Elvis Presley’s 1954 cover of Arthur Crudup’s 1946 blues hit, “That’s All Right Mama” (Clark plays Crudup in the film). The upbeat, bluesy sample is different from anything we’ve ever heard from either Swae Lee or Diplo and evokes the loose-limbed energy of a juke joint at its highest spirits.

It’s a prime example of the kind of reinterpretations of the Elvis hits and deep cuts found elsewhere on the soundtrack. The previously released Doja Cat single, “Vegas,” likewise uses an interpolation of Elvis’ 1956 rendition of Big Mama Thornton’s “Hound Dog” to dismiss a wannabe lover. Meanwhile, the soundtrack is also set to feature such eyebrow-raising additions as Denzel Curry, Eminem, Jack White, Kacey Musgraves, Maneskin, Nardo Wick, Stevie Nicks, and Tame Impala.

While the soundtrack selection is a big look for Swae Lee — who’s become somewhat of a go-to for these things (see: Into The Spider-Verse and its smash single “Sunflower” or Shang-Chi‘s “In The Dark” with Jhene Aiko) — he’s apparently looking forward to getting back to his old Rae Sremmurd shenanigans with brother Slim Jxmmi for Sremm4Life soon.

Listen to “Tupelo Shuffle” above.

Two of rap’s fastest-rising women link up for a fiery collaboration on Lakeyah‘s “Mind Yo Business” featuring Latto. The two former XXL Freshmen (Latto was selected for the honor in 2020, when she was still Mulatto, while Lakeyah was picked last year) are among hip-hop’s most dedicated straight-up rappers, so it only makes sense that they’d team up — and that their collab would work so well.

The Atlanta native and the Atlanta transplant (by way of Milwaukee) display some aggressive chemistry on the fast-paced track, which finds them boasting their big-money moves while warning haters not to stick their noses where they don’t belong. In the song’s video, the two women lounge among the shrubbery in a well-manicured garden while the thirsty gardeners try to catch a glimpse of their greatness from behind the hedges.

Lakeyah, who is signed to Quality Control Music, told Uproxx in a 2020 interview that she plans to be “the biggest artist in the world,” and with the help of Latto — already a burgeoning a superstar in her own right — she appears well on her way. If this is the beginning of a rollout for Lakeyah’s debut album, she’s off to a strong start.

Watch Lakeyah’s “Mind Yo Business” video featuring Latto above.

070 Shake’s has been rolling out her new album You Can’t Kill Me — the follow up 2020’s phenomenal Modus Vivendi — for a bit now. She released the promising singles “Web,” “Skin & Bones,” and the collaboration with Christine And The Queens for “Body.” Today, the record is finally out, and along with it she has unveiled a music video for her hypnotic, haunting song “Medicine.”

“We’re so attached to this physical world, it makes us more susceptible to being hurt,” 070 Shake said in a statement. “You can’t kill me because I’m more than my body. With each album, it’s like you’re being revealed more and more. You Can’t Kill Me shows how dedicated I am to being free within music… Feeling is the biggest ingredient of my music.”

She’s finishing up her headline North American tour next week with four nights in Los Angeles; it’s already a big year for her, but it’s going to get even bigger. She’s also famously dating Kehlani, who shared a tender depiction of their relationship in the recent music video for their song “Melt.”

Watch the video for “Medicine” above.

Christine And The Queens and Kehlani are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The Boston Celtics stole homecourt advantage away from the Golden State Warriors in Game 1 of the 2022 NBA Finals. Thanks to a sensational team performance in the fourth quarter, Boston picked up a 120-108 win at Chase Center on Thursday night and find themselves three wins away from lifting the Larry O’Brien trophy.

Despite the loss, Draymond Green struck an optimistic tone in his postgame press conference, expressing his belief that the Warriors will end up being “fine” as the series goes on. This, unsurprisingly, drew the ire of noted guy who isn’t an especially big Draymond fan, Kendrick Perkins, who appeared on NBC Sports Boston after the game and said Green was lying.

“That was a whole lot of lying for the simple fact that, oh, ‘we’ll be fine,’ no you won’t!” Perkins said. “No you won’t. Listen, Payton Pritchard played eight minutes in that fourth quarter, meaningful minutes. Jaylen Brown did his thing. The bench came in and gave a huge lift. The Warriors scored 16 points in the fourth quarter. Sixteen! That ain’t just happen because they were missing shots — no, the Celtics were getting to them, they couldn’t get the ball off, they couldn’t get they shot off.”

After some prodding by Brian Scalabrine and Eddie House, Perkins went on to say that the Celtics “were on their ass like diapers on a baby.” Perkins, of course, won a ring with Boston in 2008, and in recent weeks, a bit of a feud has popped up between himself and Green. He continued his bit on Friday morning when he appeared on First Take dressed like an inmate as a way to say the Celtics put the “handcuffs” on the Warriors in the fourth quarter.

We’ll see if Golden State will be fine or if Perkins is right that they have some serious problems they need to deal with when Game 2 tips off on Sunday.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE — Please give me a show about Mitch

Something incredible happened on Barry this week. No, not the chase scene, although that was incredible too, with dirtbike crashing and used car dealership shootouts and Bill Hader humming little songs. And not the thing where Stephen Root’s character said the phrase “I’m working on it, amigo” in exactly the voice you can hear him saying it in your head right now, although that was also incredible and I can’t wait to text the screencap to my editor the next time he asks about the status of a piece I promised him 48 hours earlier. No, I’m talking about a new character.

Maybe my favorite character on the show now.

I’m talking about Mitch the Beignet guy.

Mitch appeared three times in the episode to deliver delicious pastries and shockingly good life advice to characters on the show. Those screencaps up there are from when he was telling Sally to follow her dreams. The delivery of all of it was incredible, just a deeply stoned guy saying profound and useful things to strangers all day long. Mitch is wonderful. GQ interviewed the actor who played him, Tom Allen, and I am pleased to report it is everything I hoped it would be.

Mitch is played by Tom Allen, a Los Angeles-based actor who says he tends to gravitate towards “childlike, naive, surfer-bro kind of roles.” Even so, Mitch was special. “I love the character so much,” he said. “He cares about people, and he’s achieving what he set out to do. He’s living his dream. So he’s a very aspirational character to me.”

YES.

MORE.

Do you relate to Mitch at all?

I was a philosophy major. And in high school I was called “the most disheveled kid in school.” Everyone thought I was the biggest stoner, I think I just have that aura about me. Everyone’s like, “Oh my God, that guy is so high all the time.” But I actually don’t smoke weed. I think I just naturally have that kind of energy about me. I’m very into abstract thinking with philosophy and giving advice to people.

Perfect. Beautiful. I love every aspect of it and every tangentially related aspect of those original aspects. Here he is giving spot-on relationship advice to my beloved NoHo Hank moments before — after knowing him for all of about 90 seconds and correctly identifying him as “rad” — asking him to run a beignet franchise location.

I… kind of want this. I want Hank and Mitch to become millionaire beignets magnates. I would absolutely watch this show. I would recap it weekly. I need to stress here that nothing I’ve typed in this paragraph is a joke. Funny? Maybe. But not a joke.

And these aren’t even the best Mitch moment. That honor goes to his conversation with Barry later in the episode, when Barry was on the way to an in-person meeting with some people he knew from his military days. Mitch heard this plan and gave this response…

… which, dancing around spoilers if you haven’t seen it yet, proved to be good advice. Mitch is the greatest. I know it’s probably better for the show to use him in tiny doses here and there. I know Bill Hader knows what he’s doing and has things under control. I just… I love him. I know I already said that. I can’t help it. He’s another perfect character on a show filled with them. I didn’t even mention Vanessa Bayer popping up as an executive for a streaming service and basically mailing a perfect little comedy sketch smack in the middle of all of it. Barry is a good show. We all know this but it’s worth saying again. So… I just did it.

Great job by all of us.

ITEM NUMBER TWO — I am pleased to report that the squelching has continued

Stranger Things is back. I suspect you are aware of this. It’s been a whole thing. The fourth go-round of the teen horror/adventure show has been so popular that it sent a song from the mid-1980s rocketing back up to the top of the pop music charts, which is kind of cool, except for the thing where that song is not “Tell It To My Heart” by Taylor Dayne, which I heard in a store a few weeks ago and has been in my head ever since. No offense to Kate Bush. She’s cool, too. But it would be fun if we take Taylor Dayne to number one next.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is that the squelching has returned. Perhaps you remember the squelching. There was so much of it in the third season, which you would know if you read this thing I wrote or took the advice from this other thing I wrote. Stranger Things loves to describe sounds with the word “squelch” or “squelching.” There’s one example at the top of this section. And if you were worried the show had moved on from the squelching, if you feared they had found a new word to describe gross sounds made by various oozes and slimes and goos, well… they went and cleared that up right there in the first episode.

Twice. They did it twice in the first episode. Look.

There are two main takeaways from all of this, which I will now present, to you, for free, although you may send me money if you like:

• No show in history is as committed to squelching as Stranger Things
• I really did not need them to add the “wet” to any of this, and wish they had not, because “wet squelch” is a deeply unsettling phrase

This has been your squelching update.

ITEM NUMBER THREE — Sam Richardson is the best

All Sam Richardson ever does is appear in cool stuff and make it a little better. He stole scenes on Veep as Richard Splett, which is an incredible accomplishment when you look at the people he was stealing them from. He was awesome in Detroiters, a show I loved and screencapped above and am mad at all of you for not watching. He kills every sketch he’s in on I Think You Should Leave, he carried huge chunks of The Afterparty, etc etc etc. He’s the best. Part of me wants him to become the biggest star in the world and part of me just wants him to keep making this cool little stuff I like. It’s a real dilemma. For me.

This brings us to the interview he did with the New Yorker this week. It’s great. He’s a smart and interesting guy and at one point he says comedy is a little bit like jazz, which made me do the full-on DiCaprio Pointing meme at my computer because it reminded me of the Crashmore sketch from ITYSL. The whole thing was a real cosmic gumbo. Again, for me.

One section did jump out at me, though. This one, specifically.

In some ways, it feels like your career is moving along the track set down by people like Tina Fey, other alums from Second City. And yet you’re establishing your own direction maybe in part because you didn’t do the “S.N.L.” thing. Do you still have the role models that you had when you were in your late teens and twenties? Are you inventing as you’re going along?

There’s these people who are touchstones for what I want to achieve or where I want to be. I think of Tom Hanks.

You have been compared to—

I know, which makes me—it moves my mind every day. [Laughs.]

The Second City path was the path that I saw, like, I can achieve this. And then from there “S.N.L.” was a path. I was, like, All right, well, this is my goal. But I didn’t get that. The road diverges, infinitely.

Yes. Yes, let’s do this. Let’s make Sam Richardson the new Tom Hanks. A few good comedies, a few Oscars, a general vibe where everyone is like “oh, nice, I love that guy” whenever they see him. The whole thing. I think that would be cool. As long he as he keeps popping up in ITYSL sketches after he’s a mega-famous Oscar winner. These are my conditions.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR — An important note about Top Gun: Maverick

I saw Top Gun: Maverick last weekend, like everybody else. It was great. It was unnecessary, mostly, and kind of funny how Tom Cruise was like “no, I will not be passing the torch to anyone else, I will instead steal a fighter jet and save the day myself once again,” but mostly it was just a blast. It was nice to see a big loud movie about planes going WHOOOOSH in a theater again.

About that: As regular readers know, I use a wheelchair as a result of a spinal cord injury like 15 years ago. This means a lot of things but, for our purposes here, it means that I sit in the section of the movie theater that is accessible for my chair. Which, at the theater I was at, was in the back, next to other people who need accessible seating, including one older dude who was wearing one of those navy blue USS SOMETHING hats with the stars on them. He talked to his wife throughout the whole movie. I loved him very much.

There’s a point in the movie — I’ll try not to spoil anything — where one character crashes and we see him on the ground for a while and don’t know if he’s dead or alive. This is where the old dude turned to his wife and said…

“Watch, he’s gonna open his eyes.”

And then when the character opened his eyes moments later…

“I could have written this movie.”

I am so happy movie theaters are back. I want to see every movie with this guy now. My only regret is that I should have asked him for his contact info. He and I could have started a podcast. I would be so rich.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE — I will read any story about Prince

There’s this comedy roundtable over at The Hollywood Reporter this week. It’s fun. They got Jerrod Carmichael and Will Forte and Danny McBride and Bowen Yang and Michael Che and Jake Johnson to sit around and blabber about jokes. I enjoyed reading it a lot. There’s a little interaction about narcissism between Will Forte and Bowen Yang that made me laugh out loud at my laptop like a crazy person.

There is also a chunk of it where Jake Johnson talks about the time Prince appeared on New Girl. This is good because I really like both Jake Johnson and stories about Prince. Prince was one of the all-time Weird Dudes, which I say with love only. I would read an entire book of people just telling Prince stories. I would watch a documentary. I would watch a whole docuseries where every episode features actors and actresses acting out Prince stories, like a cross between Drunk History and the one Chappelle’s Show sketch. This is a good idea. Read this and tell me I’m wrong.

JOHNSON I did a scene in New Girl with Prince, and I get a lot of, “What was he like?”

CHE What was he like?

JOHNSON He was really weird. He had a whole group of people, they were all wearing purple and walked in a single-file line, and when they got to the place we were going, he was announced, “Prince is coming to set,” and everybody got tight, and then they all walked out. He was talking to Zooey Deschanel, and I was waiting for the moment where I say hi, and then he goes, “I’m ready to meet Nick now.” That was my character’s name, so Zooey was like, “This is Nick.”

CHE I miss Nick.

JOHNSON Then we did the scene, and he was a genuinely good actor. And then he didn’t get up. They were relighting, which is about 45 minutes, and if Prince doesn’t get up, I’m not getting up. I was like, “So, you a big [Minnesota] Vikings guy?” And he was. We talked NFC North, and it was unreal.

It is deeply upsetting to me to know that I will never have the chance to sit down with Prince and discuss professional sports. It hurts me in ways I cannot fully articulate. That docuseries I was talking about earlier would help. Please. I’ve been very good.

READER MAIL

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From Dylan:

I’ve been thinking a lot about what they’re going to do with the Fast & Furious franchise after FAST11outof10Furiouses. Here’s my pitch: turn the franchise into an anthology film series, with incredibly different directors taking the helm for each individual installment.

Wes Anderson’s Fast & The Furious
Lars Von Trier’s Fast & Furious
David Cronenberg’s Fast & Furious
Chloe Zhao’s Fast & Furious
Seven Bucks Productions’ Fast & Furious

WERNER HERZOG’s Fast & Furious

Who are some directors you would want to see take over?

Dylan, this question is so good. As are the suggestions. I would pay something like $49.99 to see Werner Herzog’s take on the Fast universe. I would pay double for just the audio files of him and Vin Diesel discussing it. I’ll go higher if I have to.

I have two answers here, one serious and one kind of serious:

Steven Soderbergh — Yes, yes I would like to see how the guy responsible for the Ocean’s movies and Out of Sight and Logan Lucky would handle an international crew or street racers who are now unlicensed government agents and have done battle with both a renegade submarine and the laws of physics.

The Lonely Island — Consider: Popstar but for the Fast & Furious movies. There are songs now. Ludacris finally gets to rap in character. Jason Statham also raps. I am so happy I got to type that last sentence.

There are others but let’s start here.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Paris!

Luke Sundberg and three of his friends were in line inside the Louvre in Paris on Sunday, waiting to pose for a photo in front of the Mona Lisa, when they heard gasps.

A man dressed as a woman had sprung from a wheelchair and ducked under a rope barrier separating the painting from the crowd of about 100 people.

This is already the best story I’ve ever read.

The visitors watched in disbelief as he began pounding on the glass that shields the painting. Then, Mr. Sundberg said, the man smeared what appeared to be cake all over the glass protecting what is one of the world’s most recognizable pieces of art.

Sure.

I get it.

Whip some cake at the Mona Lisa.

We’ve all thought about it.

The Louvre said in a statement that officials with the museum had followed its usual procedures for people with reduced mobility, “allowing them to admire this major work of the Louvre.”

Once he was near the painting, the man threw the pastry that he had hidden, the museum said.

Okay, so there are two things I need to say here and both of them are important. The first is that you should not pretend to be disabled for the purpose of committing crimes, or for another reason, if only because it means people like me who are actually disabled are the ones who will face the consequences of it all down the road. Please consider this going forward.

The second thing is that I think you should be allowed to whip cake at famous works of art. They’re behind glass. It’ll be fine. Let people do it for an hour or two a week. Charge $100 admission and $20 for a piece of cake. Whip it at some piece of abstract art and see if anyone notices. Maybe it’ll end up improving it all a little bit. You don’t know.

The main thing I’m getting at here is that I should not be in charge of a museum.