Month: June 2022

It’s been a very active year for Logic, and he is here today with his sixth song of 2022 “Bleed It.” Over the 90s reminiscent production with midtempo drums and a vintage vocal filter, he raps in the chorus about letting his pen bleed. He raps with enthusiasm and confidence but also reflects on the days that may not have been the case, referencing how he was once a “loser,” “failure,” or “never was a winner but he won some.” After the internet backlash Logic has faced over the years despite being an advocate for mental health, he refreshed as he has his mind set on not dwelling too much on the naysayers.

“Bleed It” comes just one week after the record “Orville” featuring Like, Blu and Exile. Prior to “Orville” the 32-year-old released “Therapy Music” featuring Russ, “Tetris,” “Decades” and the DJ Premier-assisted title track for his forthcoming album Vinyl Days. Since Logic’s almost yearlong retirement in 2020, which he began to focus on being a father, the Rockville rapper has put out the 2021 mixtape Bobby Tarantino III and three songs alongside Madlib under their duo moniker MadGic.

Check out Logic’s new song “Bleed It” above.

Vinyl Days releases on 06/17 via Def Jam. Pre-save the album here.

After Lakeyah lead an enthusiastic social media campaign, including having fans guess who would be featured on her new track, tonight she releases her new single “Mind Yo Business” featuring Latto. It’s a special moment as the two rap over a sample of Lil Kim and Iconz’s “Get F***** Up” from 2001. Lakeyah is as confident as ever, denying men the opportunity to get with her if they don’t have as much money as she does. Latto dismisses the men who feel the need to lie about their size in addition to not being able to afford her as well.

“Mind Yo Business” follows Lakeyah’s previous single “I Look Good.” The Quality Control artist last released the third iteration of her time-themed series of projects, My Time (Gangsta Grillz: Special Edition) with the help of DJ Drama back in September of 2021. On the flip side, Latto is reveling in the success of her March album 777, boosted by the chart-topping smash hit “Big Energy,” which she later remixed with Mariah Carey. It’s a fun time to enjoy female rappers, and these two are bringing the energy as the summer rolls around meaning men better come to them correctly.

Check out “Mind Yo Business” above.

The Golden State Warriors are, shockingly, down 0-1 in the NBA Finals despite entering the fourth quarter of Game 1 on Thursday night with a 12-point lead after a dominant third quarter performance.

It seemed as though the Warriors would follow the script of so many of their games this postseason of spending the first half feeling things out before jumping on their opponents in the third and then cruising to a victory. However, this Celtics team is no stranger to fourth quarter comebacks as their resilience has been on display throughout this postseason, and they put forth their finest work yet in the final frame of Game 1. Jaylen Brown got himself going early and then Al Horford carried them down the stretch as they turned a 12-point deficit into a 12-point win.

After the game, Draymond Green clearly had one message he wanted to get out there: “We’ll be fine.” Green repeated that on a number of occasions, pointing out how they “dominated” the first 41 or 42 minutes — which wasn’t really true as they trailed by two at halftime — and that Boston’s “others” shot a rather unsustainable 15-of-23 from three-point range.

The Warriors dominated one quarter of play, not the first 40 minutes, and were solid to good in the first half, headlined by Stephen Curry’s 21-point first quarter, but there are some genuinely concerning things for Golden State moving forward. For one, the Boston defense really turned it on in the fourth quarter and bothered the Warriors with much more aggressive switching, and Golden State’s propensity for sloppy turnovers proved costly for once as the Celtics capitalized on some early fourth quarter mistakes from the Warriors to quickly close the gap.

On top of that, while the Warriors defense deserves credit for bothering Jayson Tatum in the opener, he will surely shoot better than 3-for-17 going forward and make up for some shooting dropoff from the role players. Green’s not wrong that the Warriors can make the adjustments and go on to win the series, but that’s only if this insistence that things will be fine is simply publicly trying to keep panic levels down, while putting the work in behind the scenes to make the needed adjustments and be ready for the Celtics to do the same (which I’m sure they’ll do, as he notes they need to watch film and make some changes).

Losing Game 1 isn’t the end of the world, which Green clearly wants Warriors fans to recognize, but losing a good Curry game and a bad Tatum game certainly narrows the margin for error going forward. We have seen Boston use this type of game to propel them forward in a series before (Game 4 against Milwaukee saw Al Horford go crazy and steal a road game while Tatum struggled shooting) and the Warriors will have to tighten the belts and recognize that this Celtics team won’t simply concede defeat after a big third quarter avalanche like some others might.

After a three-day hiatus following the completion of the Eastern Conference Finals on Sunday, the 2022 NBA Finals tipped off on Thursday evening in San Francisco. The first half was incredibly entertaining and close-fought, with the Warriors seizing control with a trademark third quarter push. However, the Celtics had the last laugh, erupting for 40 points in the fourth quarter and taking a 1-0 series lead with a 120-108 victory.

The evening appropriately began with fireworks from Stephen Curry in his home building. Starting virtually with the opening tip, Curry was locked in, eventually draining an NBA Finals record six (!) three-pointers in the first quarter on his way to 21 points. His 21-point output was the most by any player in a first quarter during the NBA Finals in more than five decades, and it was a vintage performance.

Golden State’s offense, buoyed by Curry, was stellar in the opening quarter, pushing the Warriors to a 32-28 lead. Still, Boston seemed to dodge a far worse outcome, largely on the strength of quality offense (1.16 points per possession) to keep relative pace. In fact, the Celtics kept pouring in good looks, improving to 8-of-17 from three-point range after 15 minutes of action.

However, the Warriors used an 8-0 run early in the second quarter to build their lead to double figures, putting the Celtics on their heels. Boston then responded in kind with a 10-0 run to even the score, throwing haymakers on offense and finally stringing together a slew of stops on the defensive end.

The rest of the first half was a back-and-forth affair, with Boston taking a two-point lead at the break. After the 21-point explosion in the first quarter, Curry did not score in the second period, with Golden State’s offense slowing as a result. Both teams shot north of 40 percent from three-point range in the first half, but ball security was a challenge on both sides, as the Celtics committed seven first-half turnovers and the Warriors committed eight.

Exiting the locker room, the Warriors again asserted control. Golden State rode a 12-4 run to a 66-60 lead and, while the Celtics slowed the barrage, the Warriors weren’t done. The home team later scored seven straight points, opening up a double-digit lead midway through the period.

After a patented third quarter barrage that included 38 points, six three-pointers and only two turnovers, Golden State led by as many as 14 points and held a 12-point advantage after 36 minutes of action. Boston came out of the gate in the fourth quarter unwilling to wave the white flag, and Jaylen Brown was in a groove. The Celtics, keyed by Brown, scored the first nine points and slashed the margin to 92-89 in a hurry.

Despite some solid offense from Golden State, Boston kept it going to an obscene degree. The Celtics scored 29 points in approximately seven minutes to open the fourth quarter, including a run of six three-pointers in less than four minutes. That turned Boston’s deficit into its first lead in a long while, and the Warriors suddenly faced a 109-103 deficit.

Boston scored 17 consecutive points overall, taking advantage of scalding-hot shooting from Derrick White, Al Horford and others. That spurt came with the Warriors failing to score for nearly five full minutes and, in short, the game was over by the time Golden State put a shot through the rim. All told, the Celtics started the fourth quarter with a 37-11 spurt, making nine three-pointers, and it was an all-out blitz after Boston scuffled in the third quarter.

The story of the evening was the remarkable fourth quarter swing, but Boston’s long-range shooting was tremendous. The Celtics out-scored the Warriors by a 40-16 margin in the closing period and, for the full game, Boston shot 51 percent from the floor and 21-of-41 from three-point distance. That level of shooting can serve as a great equalizer in an unfriendly road environment, and Golden State’s offense went ice-cold at an inopportune time.

Horford led the Celtics with 26 points, including six three-pointers to set a new NBA Finals record in a debut, and Brown added 24 points. Marcus Smart scored 18 points and, despite a poor individual shooting night, Jayson Tatum finished with 12 points and a game-high 13 assists. For the Warriors, Curry finished with 34 points and the team connected on 19 three-pointers, but the closing kick simply never arrived.

On a night when the two teams combined for an NBA Finals record with 40 three-pointers, the Warriors also suffered their first home loss of the postseason. That result swings home-court advantage toward Boston and, if nothing else, Golden State will face immense pressure as Game 2 arrives on Sunday in San Francisco.

You’ve been aware of and delighted by Rhys Darby and his comedy stylings for awhile. You’re cool, I can tell. But there are some people who are just now discovering him thanks to his work on the always hilarious and sometimes tender HBO Max pirate comedy Our Flag Means Death (which just got it’s second season renewal). To them, Darby represents another perfect Hollywood story of overnight success, but he’s been steadily working for twenty years, popping up in numerous projects, and establishing himself as an international stand-up comedy wildman with a handful of specials to his name.

Darby doesn’t mind the disconnect, by the way. He’s happy to earn a paycheck, put his kids through school, and keep getting laughs wherever and however he can without straying from who he is. “I’ve always been very confident that I’m a geek, a loser, and I’m just sort of doubling down on it,” he told us when we spoke ahead of a micro stand-up tour that begins June 30 in Red Bank, NJ.

We spoke with Darby about getting back on stage, leaving the world of the underground, the power of his beautiful friendship with longtime collaborator and Our Flag Means Death co-star Taika Waititi, and what he wants to see from their on-screen romance in season two of the show.

So much of your stage style involves a lot of physical comedy. It’s not a very reserved stand at a mic stand kind of thing. How does one get to the point of feeling free to put themselves out there like that and to not be worried about vanity or looking silly? Not that you look silly, but I’m curious about the evolution of that.

Well, I was always like that really. So I have no inhibitions once I’m on stage. I’m quite happy to be as goofy as possible. And the way I perform is definitely physical, but I also play characters and I like so many different facets of comedy. Anything that can make people laugh, whether it be through movement or sound effects. The root of it all is playing as a kid on my own with my toys and doing all the voices, doing all the sound effects of the spaceships and the guns and things like that. And then kind of just doing it as a teenager on the back lawn for my mom (as a teenager) and she wasn’t really interested. And then it just kind of went from there. The comedy that I create really is quite alternative and it’s surreal in its nature just because that’s my sense of humor. I like being really silly.

And so I think so right off the bat, I was going to be a little out there on stage. And it doesn’t worry me. I think that’s how I express comedy. And over time, if anything, I’ve scaled it back in and I’ve controlled it. So when I first started doing it, it was actually pretty crazy. It was like, I don’t know, like a young Jim Carrey style, but I would play different characters and I’d move between them and do these big, outrageous voices. And I’d try and do a lot in one. I had this thing when I was very young. I felt like the people needed to laugh constantly. And so if they weren’t laughing and there was a gap in laughter, I’d be like, “Oh my God, shit. Do something else. Pull another face.” So I was really, really immature at that point. And then over time, you get confidence with the fact that “No, it’s okay. They can just laugh at the bits that you want them to laugh at. Just perform well.” And so you learn to control it. I love the idea of being able to pause and make people think, and then take my time between things.

Is part of this also the challenge of reinvention and changing?

I think it’s important to have your set pieces that you know are going to get guaranteed laughs. But on the night, you can go anywhere. And I’m very happy to use the audience, use the vibe of the night, what’s going down, and create on the spot. Because as an improviser, I think that’s in my wheelhouse. And so there’s nothing more exciting for me as a performer that’s been doing it for so long, than coming up with something on the night that I’m happy with. And I’m like, “Oh my God, I still got it. This is funny. Hey, write this down.” Rather than just doing the same old stuff.

So that’s definitely a key to longevity because you can get real tired of your old stuff. It’s like music. It’s got to be the same as the old stuff so the fans know it, like it, but it’s got to be different. I mean, how many sketches can I do that involve a robot? Or a thing like that. At the same time people go, “Do the robot!” So you’ve got to.

You’ve been a presence for a while with Flight of the Concords and everything. I don’t need to read your resume to you, I’m sure you know. But what has it been like to experience the overnight success that took 10 or 12 years to get here with Our Flag Means Death?

It’s been good. It’s just been happy for me as a family man, just to be working for a start. And especially in this day and age, where a couple of years ago I thought, “Oh man, I’m no longer relevant. I’m just a heterosexual white guy. My only cool thing is that I’ve got an accent.” And then next thing you know, Our Flag Means Death comes in and all of a sudden I’m a lead actor in a really popular series, that is popular for all the obvious reasons that the show is brilliant and representation and things like that. You can’t write that that’s going to happen. That just fell on me. And if that hadn’t happened, I would just be continuing on doing my character roles, getting what I can and creating probably my own stuff.

I’ve always remained slightly in the underground. I used to call myself “King of the Underground” because I was very good in certain circles. If you knew who I was, or you knew the alternative comedy scene that I was in, you’d know me. And I’d pop up with little guest parts in movies and things like that. They’re always good, but now I feel like it’s boiling over and I’m being pushed out of the underground to head up to the surface. And so I’m new to a lot of people. I’ve been like, “Hey, I’ve been around for years. Go back and check out what I’ve been doing.” And people have been. And that’s been really cool.

What do you think it is specifically about the Stede and Ed relationship that just resonates so much with so many different people?

You’ve got two guys who don’t really know who they are in terms of who they should love and what love is to them. And a guy who takes a ridiculous risk, leaves his wife and kids to go and become a pirate, but is still very, very fancy and is from a background that is hard to get out of. So he can’t really change, but he needs someone who is basically the opposite to be able to change him. And that person, which if you look at Blackbeard, he’s got a very deep and dark background as well, and he’s looking for the opposite to change himself and they meet in the middle. And I think that’s why it’s so special.

And I think there’s some really resonating aspects to it with people who don’t have confidence or aren’t in the right group, don’t fit in, things like that. Everything that resonates for the LGBTQ community. And I think, on top of that, you’ve just got this beautifully made show and there’s no queerbaiting. We go all the way. This turns into a romance between two men and I think it just ticks the boxes for everybody. And the fandom online proves that this is what people want. And it feels good to be delivering that. When we were making it, of course, I didn’t know. I knew what we were doing and I wanted to do my best job at doing it. But I had no idea how much love was going to be given. So yeah, I feel really, really proud.

Obviously, the writing is there and the characters are there, but how much credit for the chemistry between Ed and Stede goes to you and Taika having known each other for so long, and the kind of intimacy of friendship and knowing someone?

Oh, it’s a huge factor. I mean, if either of us were actors that were just cast that didn’t know each other, I don’t think the chemistry would be there. Because we are playing people that are falling in love. And we know what that would be like with each other because we do love each other as friends. We’ve had each other’s back for a long time and we’ve been on this journey coming from New Zealand and trying to make it in Hollywood and make it in America, conquer the world, sort of together. He’s had my back and I’ve always been there for him whenever he needs me. And so it just felt like a natural thing.

On top of that, we are both perfectionists. We’re very similar in a lot of ways with how we create our art and how many takes we want to do. But also, at the same time, we want to make it up as we go along because we like the instant magic you get from improv and things like that. So we did these scenes together, and especially with the dramatic ones, we are challenging ourselves to make it feel as real as possible. And it’s easy for me to get upset or for him to get upset when we see each other upset because we know each other. And so yeah, it digs deeper and I think that’s why it’s come out so well.

This is so fresh and so great, but also there are will they/won’t they tropes and the Moonlighting curse [the idea that a show ends when sexual tension is resolved], and we saw so much resolution in season one. Are you happiest when Ed and Stede are together or are you happiest when there’s the chase aspect of it?

I think the fans are going to want to see it all again. Because the best parts are friendship brewing then when they’re together, but not together, they’re very, very close friends and you see, that’s probably the really, really fun stuff, because they’re just a great duo. And then they get together and they fall in love and then it could become quite soppy and a bit boring there, because love, when you’re in love…

You never see those moments where it’s just people just loving each other, hanging out, having fun. But you guys are fun. I’m good with either.

Yeah, no, I agree. And Taika likes that as well. We like the mundane, just hanging out and having conversations and going back and forth and having less action. I think that will definitely happen. But I think there’ll also be the idea of trying to find that buddyship again. I have no idea what’s going to happen. That’s right down to the writers. All I know is that when we’re together on the same side, rooting for each other to get through some crazy thing, that’s when it’s really, really fun to watch.

Season 1 of ‘Our Flag Means Death’ is on HBO Max. For more on Darby’s stand-up tour, go here.

Thursday night was a big sports night, with Game 1 of the NBA Finals tipping off in San Francisco between the Celtics and Warriors serving as the headliner, but for the academically inclined, there was the Scripps National Spelling Bee.

It’s fairly incredible how the National Spelling Bee has become a television event, but it truly is incredible to watch kids nail the spelling to word after word that most of us have never even heard of. This year’s event featured a new wrinkle, as Harini Logan and Vikram Raju found themselves locked in a word for word battle that showed no signs of slowing down, the Bee went to a sudden death, rapid-fire spell-off.

What does a spell-off look like? Well, how about some of the most intense and insane 90 seconds of television you’ll watch this year because holy crap look at Logan rattle off word after word on her way to a victory.

Now this is my kind of spelling bee. When everyone’s asking for definitions and origins and grinding over every single word, it can start to drag a bit, but if you had them do this and see how many they could spell consecutively before getting one wrong in rapid-fire fashion and the longest streak won, I would be all in. Kudos to Logan, who crushed this, and also to the Spelling Bee for giving us the gift of speed spelling this year.

In early April, former Glee star Matthew Morrison was announced as one of the newest hosts on the upcoming season of So You Think You Can Dance. On May 27, one week after making his judging debut, Morrison was fired from the competition series for what he described in a statement as a failure to “follow competition production protocols, preventing me from being able to judge the competition fairly.” That could have been the end of the story, but it wasn’t.

On Thursday, as The Wrap reports, Morrison posted a video to Instagram in which he denied reports claiming that his dismissal was due to inappropriate behavior with a contestant. “It’s unfortunate that I have to sit here and defend myself and my family against blatantly untrue statements made anonymously,” Morrison said in the video, “but I have nothing to hide. So, in the interest of transparency… I will read to you the one message I wrote to a dancer on the show: ‘Hey! It’s Matthew. If you don’t mind, would love to get your number and talk you through some things.’”

Morrison went on to explain that he had wanted to speak with the dancer about a choreographer they were both fans of with the idea of bringing the person onto the show. It was the message’s recipient who brought Morrison’s communication to the attention of producers. A source close to the production told People that “she felt uncomfortable with his line of comments and went to producers, who then got Fox involved. He was fired after they did their own investigation.”

Morrison ended his post by stating:

“It’s devastating that we live in this world where gossip rules and people’s lives are being thrown around as clickbait. This is much bigger than me and this story. Gossip is toxic and it is destroying our society and we need to do better.”

(Via The Wrap)

Charli XCX made her way back to the stage last week after she was forced to cancel a couple of shows due to losing her voice. The canceled shows were in Brussels and Utrecht, but as promised, she made her return on May 30 in Berlin, Germany. The following day, the Crash singer held a show in Cologne, Germany and it was here that she was brought to tears on stage. The moment occurred when she asked fans what song they would like to hear her perform. Those in attendance collective requested “Taxi,” the unreleased record that Charli wrote with Sophie, the late Scottish electronic music producer who tragically passed away last year.

The request brought Charli to tears and she explained why to the audience. “Sometimes, I get really emotional when people yell ‘Taxi! Taxi! Taxi’ like, I get really sad,” Charli said. “That was a song that we loved together, and it was a song that never got to have the life that it was supposed to have, and I’m not going to take anyone’s concert experience away from them, that’s not my f*ckinig style. You can do whatever you want at my shows as long as it comes from a place of love.”

She continued, “I just wanted to come and explain to you why sometimes it’s really hard to hear that. It’s no disrespect to the song, it’s not out of disrespect to you guys, it’s just tough because that song is a song I made with a person who I care about so much and who I love so much, but I just wanted to explain it because I don’t think I ever had.”

As compensation for her inability to perform “Taxi,” Charli went on to perform “Vroom Vroom” which is a record that she and SOPHIE were able to successfully complete and release.

You can watch the concert moment in the video above.

Charli XCX is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Peter Navarro is flying very close to the sun. In late 2021, the former advisor to Donald Trump published In Trump Time: My Journal of America’s Plague Year, a memoir of the former president’s final days in office. In what seemed like a not-so-bright move, the book detailed all sorts of behind-the-scenes shenanigans, including how Navarro and Steve Bannon worked together to concoct a plan to decertify the 2020 election.

When Navarro was asked about whether he was concerned about this massive overshare, as it seemed like just the sort of information the January 6th committee would be interested in hearing, he laughed at the notion. “They don’t want any part of me,” Navarro insisted, adding that “I exonerate Trump and Bannon.”

Fast forward to Monday of this week, when Navarro confirmed that he had received a grand jury subpoena to testify in the ongoing January 6th inquiry—then promptly sued the committee and the Department of Justice. But rather than keep a low profile and say nothing about the very things the committee wants to speak with him about, Navarro is instead making the media rounds to tell his side of the story. And answer the very same questions the committee wants to ask him. While Ari Melber was happy to let Navarro spill his guts, he also felt compelled to point out the idiocy (our word, not Melber’s) in making an even more public figure of himself. As Melber told him:

You’re waging this legal battle not to talk to the committee. Not to talk potentially to the DOJ, although as you’ve said, TBD. So you’re risking going potentially to jail not to talk to them but you’re out here talking in public. You do realize these investigators can hear you when you talk on TV?

Navarro didn’t really have a good answer for that, which probably doesn’t bode well for the fact that he is acting as his own lawyer.

It is with a heavy heart that I must acknowledge that this season of Top Chef has come to an end. With three competitors remaining, it was mostly all over but the cooking on this episode. Which opened with each of the remaining chefs choosing their sous chefs. Would you believe that they chose from the previously eliminated competitors? Crazy, right? Has this ever been tried before?

Actually, kudos to the producers for not delivering this information like it was some kind of new twist, as they had in some past seasons. This show has been on for 19 seasons. They get it. We get it. The eliminated chefs always come back to be sous chefs for the finale.

One thing they did do a bit differently was to have just one sous chef per remaining contestant. Evelyn chose Jo, aka Sarge. Sarah chose Robert, aka Damian from Mean Girls. And Buddha chose Jackson, aka Andrew Lunk aka Napholeon Dynamite. This was actually a good reminder that, for all my Sarah bashing leading up to the finale, she was still more likable than plenty of the previously eliminated contestants. No offense to Jo, but I’m not sure what she was bringing to the table, other than a series of relentlessly milquetoast confessionals. Jackson, I mean you might not want him as your wingman, but at least he gave me good nickname fodder. God bless you, Big Magoo.

Probably we lost Ness, aka Sam Kang (you might remember his attempt at grilled potatoes?) too early, not to mention North Dakota Jolie, who got angry any time she had to cook something not made out of cows or corn. But this season felt like it was extremely long on talent and a bit short on characters. I didn’t need anyone getting called a snake or hulking out over a pea puree, say, but… I don’t know, something weird could’ve happened. Anything short of the winner being revealed as a sex pest hours after the finale.

Aaaaanyway, with the sous chefs set, the remaining contestants all headed off to the Pima County Courthouse, where the judges would now pronounce them man and food. You know what I mean. Padma told them that they’d all be responsible for producing a four-course progressive menu, for a panel of 10 judges, including Stephanie Izard, Eric Ripert, Ed Lee, Gregory Gourdet, Alexander Smalls, and more.

Edward Lee — see, now there‘s the kind of personality this season could’ve used. Edward Lee actually attempts jokes. The closest we had this season was Sarah, who sometimes says things that are sort of in the shape of jokes. Eric Ripert isn’t exactly a laugh riot, but he has one of the most soothing French accents on Earth. Eric Ripert could read my death sentence in a medieval court and I’d probably think “Mmm, sounds delicious.”

Individuals aside, I’m not sure these chefs get enough credit for having to make four separate dishes for 10 people, with only one sous chef to help. In his memoir, Jacques Pepin wrote “I believe that it is impossible to cook superlatively for more than 10 diners.”

On my stove it’s more like six. This is why I think people who have three or more children on purpose are completely insane (well, one of the reasons, anyway).

But before the dinner, the chefs all got together and ate some food that Tom Colicchio, Stephanie Izard, Padma Lakshmi, and Eric Ripert cooked for them. What was that food? Uh… I guess we’ll never know. Seriously, producers, you didn’t think to include that part? Are you saving it for the DVD?

THE BREAKDOWN:

THE INSPIRATION —

Chef Sarah Welch’s Dinner: “The Hunter-Gatherer Mentality”

Chef Sarah said she was “inspired by the hunter-gatherer mentality,” and wanted to cook only foods that would be available in the local Tucson environment, with a theme of using things that would normally go to waste (she brought some miso paste that some chef friends made from food about to go off). It was… a pretty solid theme, honestly.

Chef Evelyn Garcia’s Dinner: Don’t Skip Goat Neck Day

Evelyn’s inspiration was, and I’m paraphrasing a lot here, to combine her Southeast Asian training with her Mexican roots and Houston upbringing. Not exactly a Galaxy Brain kind of theme, but themes are probably best not overthought.

Chef Buddha Lo’s Dinner: A Young Boy’s Strange, Erotic Journey From Australia To The US

Buddha wanted to serve a culinary representation of how far he’s come as a chef, from his roots as a Malaysian-Australian in Port Douglas to his work in Hong Kong all the way up to his current home in the US. In practice, this meant lots of tuiles. So many f*cking tuiles, bro. It was a real Night In The Tuileries.

Writer’s Verdict: Sarah. Sarah’s theme was more a statement of purpose than a statement of identity, which makes it seem more interesting somehow. Or maybe it’s just because it sounds the least like fusion cuisine on the face of it.

THE MENUS —

Evelyn

First Course: Scallop Crudo
Second: Crystal Dumplings With Aromatic Broth
Third: Goat Curry Mole
Fourth: Buñuelo With Cajeta, Panna Cotta, Whipped Cream and Basil

Buddha

First: Hamachi with Caviar
Second: Lobster Laksa
Third: Mongolian Lamb
Fourth: Pumpkin Pie Mille-Feuille

Sarah

First: Venison Tartare with Sonoran Focaccia and Smoked Butter
Second: Squash Tortellini In Corn Broth With Three Sisters Salad
Third: Rabbit Ballotine With Grains, Nuts, and Greens Salad
Fourth: Smoked Buttermilk Ice Cream with Acorn Cake

Writer’s Verdict, Whole Menu:

Too close to call. All of them have at least one course that feels like a must-order (lamb, laksa, dumplings, curry, tortellini) with a few I’d probably avoid (venison tartare, scallop crudo). I’m giving the edge to Buddha, solely because when he says “mille-feuille” it sounds like “MILF loin.” Mmm, love to end a meal with some tender MILF loin.

Writer’s Verdict, Course By Course:

One: Buddha, both for how it sounds and how it looks. Scallops are boring, venison tartare sounds adventurous, even for me, and when the dishes actually came out, we discovered that Buddha had made “sweet potato bees.” Which sounds like a random phrase Grandpa Simpson would’ve uttered in the midst of his senile ramblings. “Sweet potato bees, we ate, which was the style at the time. Gimme five bees for a tuber, we’d say…”

Two: Evelyn, again both for look and sound. Buddha’s lobster laksa both looked and sounded pretty good (frozen lobster notwithstanding — get him!), and Sarah’s tortellini was also a dumpling — my theory is that you should always order anything that’s a dumpling as a first move with an unfamiliar menu. But Sarah’s pasta looked thicc, while Evelyn’s looked clear and delicate.

Three: Buddha. “Mongolian Lamb” and “Goat Curry Mole” both sound about equal, in my mind, but while Buddha’s lamb also looked incredible, discovering Evelyn didn’t actually braise the goat necks in the curry (as virtually every judge pointed out) knocks it down a few pegs. I’m not a huge fan of rabbit (sticks to your teeth!) as it is, but Sarah first undercooking (in the circulator) and then overcooking (in the oven) hers sure didn’t help. Is this the start of a Top Chef sous vide curse?? Sarah was circulated on her on circulator! She really took a water bath on this one!

Four: Sarah. As for what sounds the best, obviously I have to go with the MILF loin, though buñuelo is an automatic win on account of being deep fried. Give me any dessert that resembles a funnel cake. Meanwhile Buddha literally served a plate of edible leaves like a demented aristocrat. But Sarah’s cake looked pretty good, and based on the judges’ feedback I have to assume that it was the best.

THE FEEDBACK

Buddha

Nicest Compliment: “This was a three-star Michelin first course.”

Meanest/Most Petty Criticism: “It reminded me of the 80s and 90s.” “Maybe a little show off.” “That dish was a little too cleaned up.”

Evelyn

Nicest Compliment: “Evelyn is masterful at restraint.”

Meanest/Most Petty Criticism: “That sauce read ‘top note.’” “It needed more flavor throughout.”

Sarah

Nicest Compliment: “It made me feel like a child again.” (Padma, on Sarah’s cake).

Meanest/Most Petty Criticism: “As the dish progressed I was confused.” “The flavors were fighting.” “I think the three sisters brought along some cousins.”

THE VERDICT

My first screener didn’t have the final act revealing the winner, so worried are they about an idiot like me spoiling the Top Chef winner before it airs (honestly, fair). But it didn’t take a genius to figure out that it was Buddha. Buddha did what he did for most of this season, and performed like a machine. Speaking of geniuses, did you guys get a look at who I had as my number one chef in the very first power ranking of the season?

I mean, I don’t like to brag, but it must take someone pretty smart and experienced at watching Top Chef to predict the winner after just one episode. Not to mention handsome. And sveltely built. (*”You can’t do this to me, I’m a Top Chef expert,” he screamed while being dragged out of his child’s soccer game*)

Regardless, Buddha did what he’s been doing basically all season: seemingly cooked twice the amount of food with twice the amount of techniques as anyone else on the show. I’ve been calling him “Moneyball” and “Big Data” on account of his seemingly Big Data-influenced approach to this show (could’ve called him Bryson Béchemelchambeau for the golf fans out there) but as much as that he sort of just outworked everyone. Even the judges seemed to think making bees out of sweet potatoes and eight million tuiles was more unnecessary decoration than substantive cookery, but how much can you really knock someone for working too hard? Especially when the biggest mistake he made was “not quite enough maple caramel for the amount of edible crunchy leaves.”

Top Chef is the only way I could ever type a sentence like that and have it not be because I was having a stroke, and that’s why I’m still thankful for this show.

Read the rest of our Top Chef Power Rankings here. Vince Mancini is on Twitter.