Month: August 2022

There is a lot going on in the superhero world. Marvel is over in one corner mapping out their next decade or so of releases, while in the other corner, DC has already axed their 2022 Batgirl release and seems to be scrambling to keep up with Marvel’s jam-packed schedule.

Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav has made it clear that he is shifting focus for the DC universe, and restructuring a plan similar to Marvel Studios CEO Kevin Feige‘s “phases” (Marvel is currently wrapping up Phase Four). The aim is to “reset” the DC film timeline and bring in some fresh new faces and stories, like Lady Gaga in the new Joker installment, which may or may not be a musical?

But Joker: Folie A Deux is currently the only movie in development since the Warner Bros Discovery merger. There are several other movies DC has lined up, including Shazam! Fury Of The Gods, Dwayne Johnson’s Black Adam which is still slated to hit theaters in October, and, of course, Jason Momoa in the latest Aquaman installment. Then there is the Ezra Miller problem.

Despite being arrested in Hawaii, getting accused of holding a family captive on a remote farm in Vermont, allegedly grooming multiple minors, and most recently being charged with burglary, Miller has still allegedly been shooting scenes for The Flash all summer. That movie, somehow, is still slated to be released next summer, assuming Miller stays out of jail. If DC decides not to move forward with that, it will have a bigger (and more expensive) problem on its hands.

Other potential films on the DC horizon include a sequel to Matt Reeves’ Batman, though no sequel has been greenlit as of right now. Of course, there is Wonder Woman 3 and the next Superman adaptation in the works, but both have been stuck in development and there is no production news about them moving forward.

Initially, DC wanted to follow in Marvel’s footsteps and create a series of streaming shows to introduce characters and then bring them to the big screen, but they seem to have abandoned that idea in favor of focusing on big-budget movies.

Right now, it seems like DC is sitting in limbo trying to map out its next move, though they don’t have anyone to take the reigns. Walter Hamada has been in charge of DC Films since 2018, though according to reports, the producer nearly resigned after Batgirl got shelved. He will stay on with the company until Black Adam, but who really knows what the future of DC will be after that?

(Via Variety and The Hollywood Reporter)

Unpeated single malt whisky is a big gateway to Scotch whisky for a lot of American whiskey drinkers. The sweet malts are a little more familiar and welcoming than some of the peat monsters from Scotland, which are often brimming with medicinal, iodine, and ashtray notes (to name but a few).

Unpeated malt tends to lean more toward orchard fruits, dark sugars, honey, florals, and so much more, but always leans sweeter. To underscore those softer notes, I decided to blind taste test some delicious, new, and classic unpeated Scotch single malt whiskies.

When I say “unpeated” malt, I’m talking about whiskies made with malted barley that were malted with a neutral heat source that did not impart any phenols or roasty flavors during the process. On the flip side, “peated” malt is malted barley that’s made by using fresh or dried peat from a bog as the heat source, smoking the barley to halt germination and imparting various levels of phenols (smoked flavor notes) into the grain. From there, the unpeated or peated malted barley is fermented with yeasts and local water before double distillation and aging — but we don’t need to get into all of that today.

The gist of this blind tasting is to find a bottle that you might like. This is all about subtle flavors and familiar flavor profiles (if you’re already into bourbon or rye). I’ve chosen some average bottles, some high-end killers, and some one-offs to give a small but wide berth of options.

Our lineup today is:

• Bruichladdich Bere Barley 2011 Aged 10 Years
• The GlenDronach Cask Strength Batch 10
• The Balvenie PortWood Aged 21 Years
• GlenAllachie Aged 15 Years
• The Glenrothes Whisky Maker’s Cut
• Speyburn Arranta Casks

Let’s dive in and find you a great bottle for your weekend pour(s)!

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Scotch Whisky Posts of The Last Six Months

• All Of Johnnie Walker’s Core Whisky Line, Blind Tasted And Ranked
• Scotch Whiskies Tasted ‘Double-Blind’ And Power Ranked
• The Best Scotch Whiskies Under $50, Ranked
• The Winning Scotch And Bourbon Whiskeys From This Year’s Ascot Awards
• The Best Scotch Whisky Between $60-$70, Ranked

Part 1: The Tasting

Taste 1

Tasting Notes:

The nose opens with a light graininess that leads to a whisper of barnyard funk before orange oils, orchard fruit, and a hint of mint round things out. The palate has a warm maltiness with a twinge of mint chocolate chip, spiced caramel sauce, sweet raisins, and maybe some Irish soda bread with a tiny bit of butter. The end is on the sweet side with a rock candy vibe next to soft spice and a hint of orchard fruit.

This is a pretty nice start. It’s a little grainy but very drinkable.

Taste 2

Tasting Notes:

Backporch wicker vibes with soft prunes and spicy holiday cake with a clove focus next to soft sultanas and berries with an echo of dead fall leaves lurking underneath it all. The palate leans into the holiday cake with a matrix of ginger sharpness, cinnamon, nutmeg, candied fruits and citrus peels, and a roasted nuttiness with a hint of dates and black tea with soft toffee drizzle just touched with salt. The end leans back into that wicker from the nose with a supple sense of toffee-covered shortbread and stewed plums.

This is just straight-up delicious. I don’t even care that it’s summer and this is wintry, it’s that good.

Taste 3

Tasting Notes:

Soft and juicy pear slowly turns into pear skins and stems on the nose as hints of dried roses, white peaches, and sour cherry tobacco round things out. The taste is lush with tart berries next to warming spiced malts (think clove and anise) with a slight buttery vibe that’s kind of like a pain au chocolat with sweet chocolate and a few specks of almond. The end leans into toffee apple candies with a leathery vibe connected to soft sour cherry tobacco with a whisper of overripe pear lurking at the end.

This is also delicious. These last two pours are going to be hard to beat.

Taste 4

Tasting Notes:

Apple juice slowly boils down to a cinnamon-spiced apple sauce on the nose as a hint of dry firewood sneaks in. The palate is part warm malts and part sweet orchard fruit with a hint of burnt orange and more of the dry wood. The end is light but carries a hint of warm spice and sweet fruits.

This is nice but a little too one-note and indistinct to really stand out in this tasting panel.

Taste 5

Tasting Notes:

The nose bursts forth with butterscotch. Once that fades, hints of worn leather, orange peels, and nutmeg mix underneath that butterscotch nose. The palate is nutmeg-forward with a spicy orange zest kissed with dark chocolate and vanilla. The end feels a bit like eggnog laced with orange zest and vanilla with a spicy warmth.

That butterscotch nose was a lot. There were a lot of nice notes beyond that though.

Taste 6

Tasting Notes:

Pear candy and honey lead the way on the nose toward woody spices, light leather, and a hint of sour apple skins and stems. The palate is sweet and malty with a drive from pear flesh to pit, skin, and tree with floral honey and wet coconut leading to a hint of creamy vanilla sauce dusted with cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice. The end leans into pears soaked in honey and nutmeg with a hint of old porch wicker and worn leather gloves on the finish.

This is pretty damn nice. It’s a little simple (a lot of honey and pear) but really good for what(ever) it is.

Part 2: The Ranking

6. The Glenrothes Whisky Maker’s Cut — Taste 5

ABV: 48.8%

Average Price: $83

The Whisky:

The bulbous bottle from The Glenrothes is all about the sherry. The expression spends an undisclosed amount of years in first-fill sherry casks. When those barrels are just right, the whisky is then batched and vatted before being proofed down only slightly.

Bottom Line:

I just couldn’t get past that big butterscotch nose, I guess. That said, this is a solid gateway single malt, especially if you’re into butterscotch. I’d recommend serving it a highball with plenty of ice and fizzy water to help that butterscotch turn creamier toward toffee and caramel though.

5. GlenAllachie Aged 15 Years — Taste 4

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $99

The Whisky:

This Speyside single malt is aged in ex-Oloroso and Pedro Ximenez sherry casks for, you guessed it, 15 years. Those barrels are selected for their distinct flavor profile and vatted, proofed, and bottled without filtering.

Bottom Line:

This was pretty nice overall but stayed a little one-note with the apple vibe. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazingly drinkable but not very arresting for your senses.

4. Bruichladdich Bere Barley 2011 Aged 10 Years — Taste 1

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $93

The Whisky:

The whisky in the bottle is hewn from Bere Barley grown up on the Orkney Islands by five different farmers for Bruichladdich. That grain is sent to Islay where the team at Bruichladdich creates this one-of-a-kind whisky after aging the hot juice for 10 years on the wind-swept island.

Bottom Line:

Again, this was really nice overall. It had a twinge of graininess that felt “young” but not off-putting by any stretch. Still, I’d likely use this more for cocktails than sipping.

3. Speyburn Arranta Casks — Taste 6

ABV: 46%

Average Price: $45

The Whisky:

Arranta translates to “bold” and this whisky leans into that. The juice is aged for an undisclosed amount of time in first-fill ex-bourbon casks (that means this whisky was the first thing to go into those casks after they were emptied of bourbon). Those barrels were then vatted, proofed, and bottled without filtration.

Bottom Line:

This was really good. It wasn’t one-note but it was dialed into a clear flavor profile. It was also just really easy to drink. This feels like both a good on the rocks pour and a great cocktail base.

2. The Balvenie PortWood Aged 21 Years — Taste 3

ABV: 47.6%

Average Price: $270

The Whisky:

This masterfully crafted expression from The Balvenie takes some serious time. The whisky is initially aged for 21 years in ex-bourbon casks. It’s then transferred to small port pipes, which held port in Portugal for 30 long years. That’s a long, long time, creating some very rare and well-seasoned oak. That whisky is then vatted in The Balvenie’s special old wooden tuns (large basins) for a spell before bottling as-is.

Bottom Line:

As I mentioned above, this is delicious. There’s really not much more to say. The only reason it’s not number is that it wasn’t quite as deep and nuanced as the next pour but only by a microscopic hair.

1. The GlenDronach Cask Strength Batch 10 — Taste 2

ABV: 58.6%

Average Price: $220

The Whisky:

The 10th release from the most-beloved The GlenDronach Cask Strength series is another instant classic. The juice in the bottle is blended by Dr. Rachel Barrie from whisky aged in Pedro Ximénez and Oloroso sherry casks. The whisky is then vatted and bottled as-is with no fussing.

Bottom Line:

This is the bottle you want to hunt down. It was just released in the U.S. in June, so you might be able to find some out there. Trust me, it’s worth it for a great Scotch whisky experience with something unique and delicious.

Part 3: Final Thoughts

Overall, this was a good tasting. All of these whiskies had their virtues and there were no losers. If you come across any of these bottles, you’ll be in good shape.

All of that said, the top two are the truly special bottles. The Balvenie PortWood 21 is magic in its own way. The GlenDronach Batch 10 is about as perfect as single malt can get. Both deserve a prominent spot on your bar cart. But if you have to pick only one, get The GlenDronach as it’s a limited edition one-off we won’t see again.

PinkPantheress is undoubtedly one of the most interesting pop stars right now after releasing her idiosyncratic debut album To Hell With It last year and then opening up for Halsey on tour. Today, she teams up with Sam Gellaitry for a new song called “Picture In My Mind.” It’s a clubby track and her vocals glisten as they mesh with Gellaitry’s.

About “Picture In My Mind,” she said, “I went all the way to Stirling Scotland to work with Sam. He is a genius level producer.” Gellaitry added, “After meeting Pink P for the first time in London last year we decided to schedule a trip for her to come to scotland and write. I’m so happy with how this one turned out and it was an honour to witness how much of a visionary Pink Pantheress really is. This track will be my summer anthem for now and many many years to come.”

The video is as creative as the song, taking place in a laundromat with flickering lights not unlike club strobes. The unexpected location, though, makes sense considering PinkPantheress’s knack for using mundane vessels to express weird ideas.

Watch the video for “Picture In My Mind” above.

PinkPantheress is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

In the last few months, Netflix has made headlines for bleeding subscribers and for blowing $200 million on its widely panned attempt at an action franchise starter, Gray Man, starring Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans. Between that and the similarly dull and lame Bullet Train (from Sony), it seems everyone is trying (and failing) to get into the dopey fun action movie game. (See also: Nobody, from 2021).

So when I saw that Netflix’s latest title, Day Shift, was a seemingly cutesy-kitschy action comedy starring Jamie Foxx as a vampire hunter (vampires being arguably the second-laziest pre-fab genre behind zombies), I did not have high hopes. Yet I was pleasantly surprised.

I’m not going to tell you that Day Shift will make waves come awards season or that you’ll still be thinking about it months from now, but it feels far closer to what the makers of Bullet Train, Gray Man, Nobody, et. al. were going for than any of those movies. Which is to say that it’s a silly action comedy where the action is actually fun, the jokes mostly land, and neither detracts from the other. All in all a reasonably fun streamer.

Jamie Foxx plays Bud Jablonski, a name I’m reasonably certain no other Black man has ever had, a San Fernando Valley vampire hunter masquerading as a pool guy. The script, from Tyler Tice and Shay Hatten, sees Jablonski as down on his luck, having been ejected from the vampire hunter’s union and on the verge of having his ex-wife and daughter move away because he can’t afford her school tuition. Within that Liar Liar-esque frame, Jablonski inhabits a world where vampire hunters are a kind of blue-collar necessity, controlling SoCal’s “vamp” population and collecting when they bring in their quarry’s extracted fangs (which are graded and sized, like precious stones). Without the union, Jablonski is reduced to selling his fangs at pawn shop prices to a predatory black marketeer played by Peter Stormare (aka Karl Hungus).

Directed by ex-stunt guy JJ Perry, Day Shift opens with a fight scene that lasts a solid ten minutes of screen time, and to my surprise given the experience with other American action comedies, it was solidly entertaining the whole time. So much stunt work these days is strenuously choreographed and acrobatically performed, but still constrained by arbitrary rules of “realism.” Which is silly, because it isn’t realistic to begin with. We know Liam Neeson and Bob Odenkirk and even Keanu Reeves and anyone who look like them aren’t going to be throwing up flying armbars and spinning back fists in real life, so why make us suspend disbelief just to see them doing fancy MMA moves we’ve already seen? Go further.

Day Shift‘s injection of the supernatural — in the form of vampires that can regenerate body parts and can only be killed by stakes, silver bullets, and beheadings and whatnot — almost by accident adds the room for stylization so recent many stunt-based movies have been missing. It’s not that interesting to watch Jamie Foxx’s stunt double triangle choke people and do fancy pistol work, but throw in some gory beheadings and vampires who crab walk and smash through walls and suddenly it’s a new ball game. Day Shift isn’t RRR, but it’s decently fun.

In his quest to rejoin the union, Jablonski’s friend Big John Elliot, a sort of cowboy pimp played by Snoop Dogg, vouches for him, but the disapproving union boss played by Eric Lange sticks Jablonski with a persnickety union rep (Dave Franco), tasked with burying Jablonski in citations. From there Day Shift becomes a sort of odd couple/buddy cop kind of movie with Foxx and Franco.

The plot is largely utilitarian but it’s grounded in place (the San Fernando Valley) and the joke writing is just clever enough to make it work. To keep the dead vampire musk off of him, which other vampires can apparently smell, Jablonski recommends to Dave Franco’s character a harsh, neon yellow soap to scrub himself with thoroughly. Though, he warns, gravely, “Don’t get it in your butthole.”

Day Shift‘s writing is inventive where most movies like this are merely tedious; its fight choreography stylized where most movies like this are merely competent (B-movie action master Scott Adkins even shows up in a minor role). Is there a lot of character development? No. Could it have been 15 minutes shorter? Probably. Could the villains’ motives have been more clearly conveyed? Sure. But in the context of the recent crop of “fun” action movies, Day Shift is one of the few I’ve seen that actually justifies such billing.

‘Day Shift’ hits Netflix August 12, 2022. Vince Mancini is on Twitter. You can access his archive of reviews here.

Chicken tenders are fried chicken at its finest. Unlike bone-in fried chicken (OG Fried Chicken, if you will), tenders are simple, dippable, and can be eaten with a single hand, allowing you to enjoy all the wonders of fried chicken without having to deal with the bones, the mess, or tables. And it’s summer baby, the season of road trips and eating outside. Who wants to deal with bones or tables?

I know all the nugget heads are squirming in their chair so let’s address that real fast. The chicken nugget holds a similar advantage to the tender, but the tender has class. Unlike the nugget, the good ones aren’t overly processed, which means that when you bite into a chicken tender there is a chance you’re biting into an actual tenderloin, the long muscle strip located underneath the chicken breast. When you bite into a nugget, you’re essentially eating chicken meal, a collection of tendons, bones, connective tissues, and fat, all ground up and pressed into an arbitrary shape. Sometimes they hit the spot, but the fact remains: it’s f*cking space food.

So in celebration of the greatest fried chicken form factor (an appetizing phrase if we’ve ever heard one), we’ve decided to rank all the fast food chicken tenders in search of the very best. This isn’t the first time we’ve done this, but it’s been nearly two years since our last ranking and there are new birds on the scene. Not to mention that some birds have massively dipped in quality. This ranking reflects the best chicken tenders you can get right now, as well as the best dipping sauces for each. Let’s dip!

14. Del Taco — Crispy Chicken Strips

Tasting Notes:

The absolute worst. For the record, I love Del Taco. I think they do a much better job approximating the flavors of Mexican food than their more popular cousin, Taco Bell. And the chain’s “American Grill” menu is pretty solid too (the burgers taste way better than they should).

But the chicken strips, which are a fairly new addition to the menu, are objectively awful. The batter works more like a sleeve than a breading. You can bite into this chicken and actually pull the sliver of chicken meat out from the fried casing. If that’s not a sign of a bad tender, I don’t know what is. But the horror doesn’t end there. The flavor is also awful, a weird mix of too much salt and not enough pepper, and the texture is rubbery and off-putting.

Best Dipping Sauce:

The trash, only you don’t dip it in, you throw it. And then leave it there.

The Bottom Line:

Never order fried chicken from Del Taco.

Find your nearest Del Taco here.

13. Sonic — Crispy Chicken Tenders

Tasting Notes:

Sonic’s Crispy Chicken Tenders are akin to your typical cheap frozen chicken fingers, the sort of stuff you’d find in the freezer section of your favorite grocery store. They are, at best, marginally better than the sort of thing you’d make at home because Sonic has deep fryers.

The chicken is super dry with a stringy texture, and the flavor is bland and flour-y with some blunt black pepper notes on the aftertaste.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Sonic’s Signature Sauce. It’s a golden BBQ (honey mustard + smokey BBQ) which isn’t everyone’s thing, but to me, this is the flagship flavor of Sonic. It earns the best dipping sauce pick from us.

The Bottom Line:

The sort of chicken tenders that you NEED sauce to enjoy. Not bad, but forgettable. It’s better to skip or order one of Sonic’s other finger foods, like mozzarella sticks.

Find your nearest Sonic here.

12. Arby’s — Chicken Fingers

Tasting Notes:

Arby’s is a weird place, because they’re pretty good at what they do — Roast Beef sandwiches — so good in fact that if they just focused on that, they’d probably be one of the more respectable fast food chains out there. I’m talking In-N-Out and Chipotle levels of respectability here! Instead, they choose to dilute their brand with all of these sub-par sides that don’t accomplish much beyond wasting menu space. These chicken tenders are just fine, they’re practically interchangeable with Sonic’s. The batter delivers most of the flavor but doesn’t taste like much more than black pepper and flour.

It beats Sonic because the black pepper tastes a little more natural here, it doesn’t have that weird bitter bluntness of Sonic’s.

At least give me a hint of spice, Arby’s! Garlic, onion powder… something. This is sadly another tender you can’t eat without the dipping sauce.

Best Dipping Sauce:

It depends. If you can get your hands on Arby’s Three Pepper Sauce, get that. It’ll easily elevate these chicken tenders up a few ranks. Unfortunately not all Arby’s carry the Three Pepper Sauce, in which case, just go with BBQ. If you’re not down with BBQ, get the classic Arby’s Horsey sauce.

The Bottom Line:

A waste of menu space. If you really want chicken from Arby’s, get the nuggets. They don’t taste any different, but they are smaller, and that’s the best you’re going to get with Arby’s sub-par chicken.

Find your nearest Arby’s here.

11. Dairy Queen — Chicken Strips

Tasting Notes:

I feel like I spent the entire opening paragraphs of this article praising the culinary wonder that is the chicken tender, and so far we haven’t hit a single chicken tender that I actually like. Unfortunately, we’re a far way away from that still. Dairy has the edge over Sonic and Arby’s because the ratio of chicken to batter is better here.

Dairy Queen’s strips are a lot meatier and the chicken isn’t quite as dry and stringy as Sonic and Arby’s but it’s still nothing to write home about. Luckily Dairy Queen has a special dipping sauce that turns these very bland chicken strips into something actually worth ordering.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Country gravy! It needs to be a standard at every fast food restaurant that sells fried chicken tenders. It adds a savory satisfying quality to each bite. It’s the only way you should ever eat Dairy Queen chicken.

The Bottom Line:

If you’re starving and the only food place for miles is for some reason a Dairy Queen, by all means, get the tenders and dip them in that country gravy! If you have any other options, go there instead.

Find your nearest Dairy Queen here.

10. Kentucky Fried Chicken — Nashville Hot Tenders

Tasting Notes:

Hot chicken is having a moment right now. Hot chicken chain restaurants are popping up everywhere. You’ve got Hattie B’s, Dave’s Hot Chicken, Joella’s, and my personal favorite, LA’s Howlin’ Rays, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that KFC, one of America’s biggest national chicken chains, has taken a stab at the country’s new favorite style of chicken. But KFC needs to stay in its lane.

If you’ve never had Nashville-style hot chicken, these taste fine. They’re smokey, sweet and spicy. But they taste nothing like actual Nashville-style hot chicken. KFC uses way too much vinegar, creating this wet saucy glaze that makes each strip soggy when it should be crispy. The mouthfeel of the sauce is also very oily, so it tastes like something you probably shouldn’t be eating.

Best Dipping Sauce:

No sauce necessary, the glaze is sauce enough.

The Bottom Line:

KFC isn’t just out of its lane with this poor take on Nashville-style chicken, it’s on the wrong side of the damn road.

Find your nearest KFC here.

9. Jack in the Box — Crispy Chicken Strips

Tasting Notes:

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Jack in the Box’s old chicken strips recipe was delicious. Each strip was unusually flat, like the tender had been pounded out before being fried, but that didn’t matter because the flavor was delicious. A medley of garlic, onion, and pepper flavors, with a crispy batter that housed always tender — albeit thin — bites of chicken. Then sometime in 2019, Jack in the Box launched a spicy chicken tender that had a totally different shape, with meatier strips and a drier texture.

Those spicy strips weren’t good and have since been discontinued, but for some reason, Jack in the Box decided to keep the meatier chicken and now the old strips have been replaced with these… things. They’re awful — dry, salty, and noticeably low quality.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Frank’s Red Hot. It’s not technically a dipping sauce and JiB doesn’t advertise that they have it on the menu, but it’s always there behind the counter and it’ll turn your boring chicken strips into delicious mouthwatering hot strips.

The Bottom Line:

If you’ve had the old Jack in the Box strips, it’s a little hard to get used to these things, but with the right sauce, they’re at least edible.

Find your nearest Jack in the Box here.

8. Carl’s Jr. — Hand-breaded Chicken Tenders

Tasting Notes:

The first few times I had Carl’s Jr’s Hand-breaded chicken tenders I thought they were amazing. The chicken was juicy and the breading was thick and craggy, the perfect sponge for absorbing sauce. I think those visits might’ve been a lucky fluke though because every time I’ve ordered these in the last year I’ve been disappointed.

Carl’s Jr’s tenders are strangely small, almost more like large nuggets than proper strips. The buttermilk batter is still thick and craggy, but unfortunately, that absorbent quality often ends up absorbing all the oil the chicken was fried in, resulting in chicken that ends up overcooking from the hot oil after it’s been removed from the fryer, leaving you with dried out chicken that isn’t nearly as juicy as you want it to be, with a sour dirty oil after taste.

Best Dipping Sauce:

BBQ sauce. It’s not that Carl’s Jr’s BBQ sauce is particularly good, but the chain doesn’t have very many notable sauces in its roster. This is sadly as exciting as it gets.

The Bottom Line:

Too small, too oily, and almost always over-cooked to the point of being dry.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr. here.

7. Burger King — Chicken Fries

Tasting Notes:

Burger King’s Chicken Fries are chicken strips at their worst. If you order these hoping for minimally processed white meat chicken, you’re not going to get it here. The texture of the meat is almost sludge-like. Despite the name, Chicken Fries taste like neither chicken nor fries. Instead you get an interestingly zesty mix of paprika, black pepper, and onion powder flavors, and you know what? Aside from the questionable texture of the meat, they’re actually pretty damn good.

I can’t emphasize the word ‘zesty’ enough. It’s spicy but not enough to be considered hot, but it still leaves your taste buds dancing.

Best Dipping Sauce:

BBQ. Burger King’s BBQ is pleasingly smokey with a nice balance of sweetness that never gets overwhelming.

The Bottom Line:

Look at that, Burger King finally landed in the middle of one of our fast food rankings! The Chicken Fries are weird and disturbing, but they taste good, so if you can get past the form factor and the strange texture, the flavor delivers.

Find your nearest Burger King here.

6. Kentucky Fried Chicken — Extra Crispy Tenders

Tasting Notes:

I like KFC, though you wouldn’t know it the way both tender offerings have hit the middle of our list. But I actually think the Colonel’s Original Recipe blend of spices is one of the best-tasting flavor combinations of any fast food chicken chain. Unfortunately, KFC doesn’t make Original Recipe Tenders, they only make it in Extra Crispy, and KFC’s Extra Crispy chicken batter is pretty damn basic.

This tender is salty with a hint of garlic powder. That’s it. The quality of the meat is pretty good, it’s tender and juicy and never dry but the basic breading holds it back from being truly delicious.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Luckily it’s really easy to improve the flavor of these bland tenders with KFC’s side dishes. Skip the sauce and order a side of mashed potatoes and gravy or Mac and Cheese and dip your strips to your heart’s content.

The Bottom Line:

KFC can make a really amazing tender if they wanted to, unfortunately, they don’t seem to want to. These are good, not great.

Find your nearest KFC here.

5. Rally’s/Checkers —Fry-Battered Tenders

Tasting Notes:

Rally’s new fry-battered chicken tenders are good but misleading. If you’re expecting the same garlic-forward, black pepper-infused light and crispy batter that Rally uses on the fries, this isn’t that. It’s sort in the same taste ballpark but doesn’t manage to capture half of the magic of the fries.

I’m not sure if that’s a result of Rally’s leaving this in the frier a bit too long, masking the flavors in its crunchiness, or because they had to adjust the batter recipe to be able to adhere to a big piece of meat rather than potatoes or mozzarella cheese. But I suggest skipping the tenders and grabbing a big Mother Cruncher instead.

Best Dipping Sauce:

It’s a toss-up between the BBQ and Honey Mustard. Both are a bit too sweet, but that goes for all of Rally’s sauces.

The Bottom Line:

The name is a false promise. This doesn’t taste nearly as good as the fries or the fry-seasoned mozzarella sticks. Order those instead.

Find your nearest Rally’s here.

4. Jollibee — Chicken Tenders

Tasting Notes:

Jollibee’s chicken has an interesting balance of sweet, sour, and salty flavors distinct enough to pick out in a blind taste test. No other fried chicken tastes quite like this, and the batter is equally unique with a light crispiness that makes it the most audibly crunchy chicken in this ranking.

The chicken itself is good but not great, it’s tender but not nearly juicy enough to warrant a spot higher than this.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Gravy! I’ve already mentioned how gravy is an ideal fried chicken dip. Good gravy adds a richness to chicken that makes it greater than the sum of its parts.

The Bottom Line:

Unique enough that it deserves a trip to Jollibee if you’ve never been, but this is far from the best menu item at the mighty bee.

Find your nearest Jollibee here.

3. Chick-fil-A — Chick-n-Strips

Tasting Notes:

Chick-fil-A’s Chick-n-Strips are pretty damn good. The chain marinates its chicken in pickle brine, giving each bite of chicken a real depth of flavor and a tender juicy mouthfeel that sets it apart from a lot of the other chicken chains on this ranking. The use of peanut oil is another great move, ensuring each tender has a perfectly crispy exterior. Chick-fil-A’s better is also considerably lighter than a lot of other chicken chains, offering a meatier ratio of white meat chicken to breading.

But despite how good these things are, they are easily Chick-fil-A’s worst chicken product.

The nuggets are way juicer, and the breast filet used on the sandwiches if in another league entirely. So as good as these are, we can’t recommend ordering them over their other choices.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Everyone has their favorite Chick-fil-A sauce but if we had to choose a best dip for the chicken, we’re going with the namesake, the Chick-fil-A sauce. It’s a mix of barbecue and honey mustard, with a ranch-backed tang that adds a nice smokey and rich quality to the fried chicken.

The Bottom Line:

You certainly wouldn’t complain if someone gave you an order of Chick-fil-A Chick-n-Strips but if you have the choice to order anything else, do it. These are good, but far from Chick-fil-A’s best chicken offering.

Find your nearest Chick-fil-A here.

2. Popeyes — Mild Tenders/Spicy Tenders

Tasting Notes:

I was going to separate these into two individual categories but they ended up slotting right next to each other in the ranking so I’m just going to kill two birds with one stone here. Generally, I think the Spicy style tenders offer a bit more, supplying a cayenne kick to Popeyes’ buttery, garlic, and onion powder forward batter that makes the chicken taste more interesting. Having said that, as far as which one tastes better, it kind of depends on how fresh the chicken is.

If you’re ordering inside of a Popeyes you can usually see the fried chicken they have on hand behind the cashier. If the pile of spicy tenders is high, order them, they probably just came out. If it looks like the spicy tenders are running low and the mild tenders look fresher, order those instead. Popeyes chicken tastes best right when it’s out of the fryer. Once it cools down a little bit the texture of the chicken becomes oddly chunky and not tender and juicy.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Honey. It adds a little floral sweetness to the heat.

The Bottom Line:

Popeyes is the king of chicken sandwiches, and probably the king of bone-in fried chicken. Their tenders could use a refresh to get them to the level of the menu’s GOATS.

Find your nearest Popeyes here.

1. Raising Cane’s — Chicken Tenders

Tasting Notes:

Ecstasy of the mouth. The other tenders on this list don’t even come close. Raising Cane’s uses fresh chicken that is marinaded for 24 hours, hand-battered, and fried to perfection. Each bite of chicken is bursting with tenderness like a goddamn Otis Redding song (it helps that Raising Cane’s uses actual chicken tenders) with the perfect texture that melts in your mouth. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood while eating Cane’s.

Because the strips are hand-battered on sight using fresh non-frozen chicken, the batter isn’t always the crispiest, but that’s easily remedied by asking for your chicken “extra crispy.” Cane’s will then leave your chicken in the fryer for anywhere between 30-60 seconds, resulting in a perfect golden finger that is as crispy and crunchy as it is delicious.

Best Dipping Sauce:

Cane’s Sauce, obviously, I mean they throw it right in the box with the chicken. Cane’s sauce is a classic comeback-style sauce (mayo, ketchup, Worchestershire, spices) that adds a savory umami quality to each tender bite.

The Hack To Make It Better:

Order your fingers ‘extra crispy,’ add an extra order of toast and ask for both to be made BOB style (That’s buttered on both sides if you’re not hip to that Cane’s culture). Stick a tender between the two pieces of toast, douse it in Cane’s sauce, and you have one of the best (and smallest) chicken sandwiches in all of fast food. It’s a damn crime that it’s not on the menu.

The Bottom Line:

The fried chicken tender perfected. You’ve probably seen the drive-thru lines and wondered if its worth it. It is (But we suggest ordering inside, you’ll get your order in half the time).

Find your nearest Raising Cane’s here.

Rod Wave has been lauded for years for his innate ability to convey sadness that many listeners feel as well through melodies and croons. Thus, his new album Beautiful Mind is being well received by the people and they are making their voices heard.

One Twitter user labeled the 22-year-old as “Fantasia for n****s,” referencing the “Free Yourself” singer’s 2000s music loaded with heartbreak and internal turmoil. Another said that his music gets listeners in their feelings from the very first beat, and the album has zero skips. In true Twitter fashion, the album led another person to fantasy book a dream collaboration between the St. Petersburg artist and the legendary band Nickelback, which many people seemed to agree with.

Despite Rod Wave being a “sad boy,” the people are pleased with his offering to a music landscape where sad boys arguably thrive more than ever before. Beautiful Mind clocks in at 24 songs with features from Jack Harlow and December Joy. It comes almost a year and a half after his 2021 album Soulfly.

Unfortunately, Rod Wave most recently made headlines for being arrested and charged with strangling his ex-girlfriend.

Beautiful Mind is out now via Alamo Records. Listen to it here.

On January 6, 2021 (the day of the MAGA insurrection), rootin’ tootin’ Lauren Boebert woke up and tweeted, “Today is 1776.” That tweet somehow still exists.

Although no one would ever accuse Boebert of knowing the particulars about the Revolutionary War (she once confused “Samuel” and John Adams and doesn’t give a flip about education), it’s clear that she was attempting to reference that specific period in U.S. history. And that tweet is a big reason why the Proud Boys indictment made people side-eye Boebert for her possible contribution to planning what happened that day.

Fast forward to Trump’s announcement that the FBI raided his beautiful Mar-a-Lago compound, and Boebert has already made her perspective known. She called this “Gestapo crap,” and following Attorney General Merrick Garland’s poker-faced declaration that he authorized the raid, Boebert is hopping mad.

The Rifle Republican is, naturally, tweeting up a storm with one standout remark. “AG Garland personally approved the raid on President Trump,” she typed before making a huge leap. “This is nothing short of a coup.”

In response, people quickly mentioned the “1776” tweet from yesteryear.

That wasn’t all. Boebert doesn’t understand (or she’s willfully ignoring) how Garland is not trying to seize power from Trump. He is no longer the president but a private citizen who shouldn’t have access to those boxes of classified documents that could even contain nuclear dirt. And furthermore, the feds only went in to recover these improperly placed (and some might say stolen) documents. So, people pushed back at Boebert while also telling her that the word “coup” doesn’t mean what she thinks that it means.

In other words, what Merrick Garland did is not “1776.”

One of the cooler parts of Madden 23 this year is all the ways it plans to honor the iconic coach and namesake for the game, John Madden. Not only is he going to be on the cover of the game, but he’s going to be all over the game itself from his virtual appearance in modes like Ultimate Team to a game mode dedicated entirely to him.

The John Madden Legacy Game is a mode in Madden 23 where players will be able to play with one of two John Madden’s, one dressed in his iconic pinstripe and tie look, and another in the same outfit he won Super Bowl XI in. Both teams are full of some of the NFL’s greatest to ever play including players who were named to John Madden’s personal “All-Madden” team.

This is another really cool way EA and the Madden devs are choosing to honor John Madden and remind everyone about his legacy as not only a football coach and broadcaster, but everything he did for video games. It’s hard to believe, but the next game in the franchise comes out in only seven days so we don’t have to wait too long to experience everything EA has waiting for us.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – I need you to understand that I am serious about this

You know how sometimes a thought will come screeching into your head out of nowhere and kind of set up residence in there for a while? Maybe not. Maybe this is just how my dilapidated funhouse brain works and the rest of you are thinking about, like, important issues facing the nation or which supermarket has the best deal on paper products. I don’t know. What I do know is that it happened to me again this week when, while minding my own business and watching a Phillies game, this sentence popped in there fully formed: What if Henry Winkler goes on Hot Ones?

I need you to understand a couple of things here: One, I have been thinking about this a lot, so much, in the past few days, in part because I’ve been kind of watching a lot of old episodes of Hot Ones lately and in part because I think about Henry Winkler a lot. It’s the fish pictures, mostly. I have written about this and retweeted the tweets and even asked him about them when I had a chance to interview earlier this year, which is a lot of fun to explain to people when I try to tell them about my job and use “I interviewed Henry Winkler” as a reference point and they Google the interview and see like five questions about fishing. But, like, come on, look at this.

Which brings us back to the Hot Ones thing. Henry Winkler, if you are reading this, please go on Hot Ones. Please. For me. Henry. HENRY. Go on Hot Ones. Listen to me.

Hmm. I suspect a list of reasons will help. Let’s do that:

• Henry Winkler has had a long career in Hollywood, dating way back to playing The Fonz on Happy Days and continuing all the way up through his work on Barry in the present
• He seems by all accounts like a delightful man
• I want to see what happens when Henry Winkler tries to answer a question after eating a very spicy wing

That’s it. That’s all I got, at least by way of logic. All of it really just boils down to “because I would like it,” which is probably not enough to get an idea in Hollywood greenlit, at least not yet. But still. I would really like it. And it’s not an unreasonable ask. We can have Henry Winkler on Hot Ones. That’s within the realm of possibilities. It would be like the time Paul Rudd showed up on the show and did this…

… but way more sincere. I really must stress that I am serious about this. I know I’ve said that a few times now but I worry some of you might think I’m funning around here. I am not. I simply would like to see Henry Winkler go on Hot Ones and I am using the fact that I have a silly Friday column where I can say almost whatever I want to put it out into the universe.

That’s all that’s happening. I feel okay about it.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – CIGARETTE SHOWDOWN

It brings me great pleasure to report that I saw a good tweet. It was in response to my recap of this week’s episode of Better Call Saul, an episode in which a lot of things — important things! — happened, some of which involved Life Alert pendants and brown hair dye and signed affidavits. It was, again, a lot, and not something I’m going to spoil for any of you on the off-chance you have somehow not seen the show and are planning to get in there. But, that said, the good tweet.

Context will help, at least a little. In this week’s episode of Saul:

• Kim Wexler was going through it
• Rhea Seehorn put on a damn acting clinic
• At one point near the episode, she was smoking a cigarette in the rain and just kind of processing a lot

Then, she did… well, this:

Which was maybe the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. And yet still maybe not the best bit of cigarette-related business on television this year because, in an episode of The Righteous Gemstones, for reasons I could explain but absolutely will not, Judy Gemstone, played by Edi Patterson, who has been putting on a different kind of acting clinic, did this:

The takeaways here are as follows:

• I love both of these moments very much and I refuse to choose between them
• We are so blessed to have both of these women on our televisions just revolutionizing the genre of tobacco disposal
• I think, when this is all over, the two of them should play mismatched cops in a Knives Out-style murder mystery, either episodic or feature-length, which is only slightly complicated by the fact that Edi Patterson was actually in the first Knives Out

This was an excellent conversation.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – Casa Bonita chaos

Hey, let’s check in with the South Park guys and their recent acquisition of the actual Casa Bonita restaurant that they once depicted on the sh-… aaaaaaand it’s chaos. Just madness straight through. We go now to the Denver Post for an update.

It’s been nearly a year since “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone purchased Lakewood’s iconic restaurant Casa Bonita, but they’re no closer to figuring out when it may open.

Not ideal. Could be better. Sounds kind of like an episode of that show Kitchen Nightma-…

“Have you ever seen ‘Kitchen Nightmares’? It’s the very, very worst one of those you could possibly ever imagine,” said Parker. “What we thought would be, ‘Oh this will be cool. We can buy this and open it and it’ll be around again,’ turned into ‘Oh this is going to be what we have to put all our money into and hope that it works.’”

Putting aside the obvious point that this is a joke and they have more money than one can possibly sink into a local Mexican restaurant, it would be really, really funny if two cartoon entrepreneurs run themselves bankrupt due to food-based calamities. Imagine explaining that to anyone. “Yeah, the South Park guys are broke now because they bought a real restaurant they depicted on the show and it was a disaster” is just a deeply wild collection of words.

As for other landmarks, such as the Coney Island Boardwalk hot dog stand, that have since hit the market, Parker and Stone said they’ve considered saving them.

“I told Les Claypool (of Primus) about the hot dog and he [expletive] flipped out. He was like, ‘You have to buy that hot dog,’” said Stone.

Is it weird that I think this might be a better show than another season of South Park? Like, we’ve seen plenty of that show. We will all be okay if they decide to close up shop and move on to a reality show where they buy famous food-related landmarks and attempt to save them, potentially with disastrous results. Get Guy Fieri in there to help. I don’t think the South Park guys would love that part but we’ve moved beyond that into the realm of goofus hypotheticals. Let’s just do the weirdest stuff we can think of here, just to see what happens.

Something to consider.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – I must have this immediately

A couple of things are important to note before we get to a pretty incredible quote, so let’s do that in the name of professionalism. The first thing is that Jason Momoa is going to appear in Fast X, the tenth Fast & Furious movie. Good for him. Good for all of us, really. “Jason Momoa appearing in a Fast & Furious movie” is one of those things that is so perfect and obvious in hindsight that the most notable aspect of it all is that it had somehow not happened already. It’s great. It makes me very happy. I’m still a lot upset that they’re calling it Fast X instead of FasTen Your Seatbelts, but I’ll get over it. I can deal. Probably.

The second important thing is that Jason Momoa spoke to British GQ about it all a little bit this week. Look at this blockquote.

In the tenth Fast and Furious film, Momoa plays a villain whose toenails are painted purple and pink, with a lavender car to match, and who enjoys laughing maniacally as he blows up co-star Ludacris’s car. “I’m a peacock at the highest level and I’m having the time of my life,” he grins.

This is fascinating to me. What could possibly be a better development for this franchise than “Jason Momoa as a pastel aficionado and madman who blows up a car belonging to Ludacris, who went to outer space in a NoS-powered Pontiac in the previous movie”? I honestly do not know. I keep wondering where the franchise can go from the absurd lengths it reaches each movie and then, pow, here we are. It’s thrilling, in a way. I hope Jason Momoa’s character drives a hovercraft through the streets of Paris.

The best part is that we really can’t rule this one out. We can’t rule anything out. There is almost nothing that could happen in these movies that would shock me at this point. Again, thrilling.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – Fargo… still good

The television version of Fargo is better than it has any right to be and has been since the very first season, thanks in large part to Billy Bob Thornton playing a hitman named Lorne Malvo and the guy in the screencap up there whose name was Calamity Joe and sold various forms of illicit paraphernalia out of the back of his van, including bags of clean urine. Every season has told a new story with all new characters and almost everything has been a blast. It’s a good show.

I think my favorite part of the show, because I am an idiot first and foremost, is the thing where it takes pleasure in casting an impressive group of actors and giving their characters the silliest names you can imagine. Allison Tolman played a cop named Molly Solverson. Mary Elizabeth Winstead played a hustler named Nikki Swango. I’m still not over that last one. And, because sometimes things can be pretty okay out there, the new season appears to be pressing forward with this strategy.

Fargo has rounded out the main cast of its upcoming fifth installment, with Joe Keery (Stranger Things, Free Guy), Lamorne Morris (New Girl, Barbershop: The Next Cut) and Richa Moorjani (Never Have I Ever) joining the previously announced Juno Temple, Jon Hamm and Jennifer Jason Leigh.

This is good. This is very good. But tell me some names.

GIVE ME SOME NAMES.

I NEED IT.

Set in 2019, Season 5 of the Noah Hawley-created anthology series answers the question, when is a kidnapping not a kidnapping, and what if your wife isn’t yours?

Joe Keery will play Gator Tillman; Morris will play Witt Farr; Moorjani will play Indira Olmstead.

Gator Tillman.

Yes.

Yes, this will do just fine.

Fargo is still a good show.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From John:

Why does Bosch write with his left hand but shoot with his right? His daughter also does this.

This is a wonderful email that I do not have anything approaching an actual response for. I include it here for three important reasons:

• I am so jealous of John for noticing this and for the rush he must have felt upon putting it together
• I am honestly kind of honored/touched that anyone would have this realization and think “I should email Brian about this,” in a way that somehow validates every career-based decision I’ve made to this point
• I am going to post some screencaps of Lance Reddick grumbling Bosch’s name

Yes, again.

And that was not the only objectively perfect email I received this week. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, we have a TWO EMAIL SITUATION. Look at this.

From Joe:

Do you ever think about how the Fast and Furious movies are our generation’s version of the Beatles? They both came onto the scene when we were teens or young adults and grew/matured with us as we got older. Both introduced western audiences to eastern culture, the Beatles with religion and philosophy, and Fast and Furious with the concept of Tokyo Drifting. Both were super popular, but also had groups of people who will say they never “got them.” Obviously Paul Walker is the John Lennon of this analogy, each dying much younger than anyone expected. Lastly, both the Beatles and Fast and Furious will cause men of certain ages to go on long rants, much like this email I sending to you. Not sure how fleshed out this idea is, but somehow it makes sense to me and I knew I had to send it to you.

The thing I enjoy about this, in addition to, like, all of it, is that this analogy almost certainly means Ludacris is Ringo. That was a fun thing to get to think and type. I do not take any of this for granted.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Texas!

An unknown suspect reportedly stole “thousands of dollars worth of briskets” from an Austin favorite, la Barbecue, early Thursday morning.

BRISKET HEIST

WE HAVE A BRISKET HEIST

I NEED EVERYONE TO FOCUS

According to the restaurant, the unknown suspect allegedly broke into the restaurant on East Cesar Chavez Street in East Austin shortly after 4 a.m. The restaurant said he jumped over the side fence, cut off barbecue pit locks and loaded more than twenty whole briskets into an SUV before driving off.

There’s a lot going on here in a lot of ways but I want you to stop and take a second and think about this guy’s entire day leading up to the moment he decided to hop a fence and steal 20 whole briskets. That is so much brisket. What is he even doing with it all? I need a six-episode docuseries about it as soon as anyone can get one shot and edited.

The restaurant is asking for help in identifying the suspect and asks that anyone with information call the Austin Police Department. The incident is reportedly la Barbecue’s fifth break-in.

I changed my mind. I want a 10-episode docuseries now. There is too much to get to in six. Especially now that we might have a meat heist epidemic on our hands. I like to think it’s all the same guy and he has a walk-in cooler full of slow-cooked meats the way an art thief has a room full of paintings he stole. I hope he just sits there and admires them sometimes, like how Thomas Crown stole a painting just for the rush and kept it in his house hidden in a wall.

But with brisket.

I cannot stress this last part enough.

The meat bandit rides again.

After already dropping $3.1 million to purchase Casa Bonita, a beloved Mexican restaurant in their hometown, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are reportedly spending more than four times that amount in renovations. According to plans, permits, and photos obtained through an open records request in Lakewood, Colorado, Parker and Stone are dropping over $12 million to restore the restaurant to its former glory after years of neglect.

Via 9NEWS:

For the most part, the plans indicate the iconic elements inside Casa Bonita such as the dive pool, Black Bart’s Cave and seating areas will undergo repairs and improvements to match the original feel of the restaurant.

Yet the kitchen and bathrooms are undergoing substantial renovations while audio and visual elements are being improved, such as new projectors, loudspeakers, lighting, and security cameras throughout the restaurant.

The South Park creators are also dropping a significant amount on better accessibility for Casa Bonita. The duo are building ramps, adding a new vertical platform lift, and clearing space for “increased accessible seating.” In short, they’re not sparing any expense in bringing Casa Bonita back to life even though they’ve fully admitted that the situation is a “nightmare” and taking on the project was “really dumb.”

During a recent interview, they revealed that the previous owners did nothing to bring the building up to code, and that’s required the South Park duo to basically redo everything including razing and reinstalling Casa Bonita’s iconic fountain.

“The previous owners deferred maintenance in an almost superhuman way,” Stone told The Denver Post. “They just didn’t take care of anything. And they ran it completely into the ground.”

(Via 9NEWS)