Month: August 2022

Top Gun: Maverick has been shattering box office records ever since it barrel rolled onto the big screen before the Memorial Day weekend. The Tom Cruise sequel gave theaters and Paramount a much-needed win as the film industry revs back to life following the pandemic. But, with most of the summer almost over, the big question is when can audiences start streaming Top Gun: Maverick at home? Well, there’s good news and bad news on that front.

As the pandemic threw release dates into chaos and caused some studios to start doing streaming releases, Cruise used his considerable clout to insist that Top Gun: Maverick be kept on ice and not be released on Paramount+. Obviously, Cruise’s instincts were right as evidenced by the sequel crushing box office records left and right. It also appears that Cruise’s devotion to a traditional release went further than just eschewing a streaming release.

While other Paramount films have been hitting the streaming service after a 45-day window, Top Gun: Maverick still does not have a release date for Paramount+ as of this writing. However, the sequel will be available for digital VOD purchase on August 23, which means Top Gun: Maverick was given a 90-day theatrical window. Thanks to the pandemic, those have become increasingly rare these days, but it tracks with Cruise’s demands to go hard on the theatrical experience. In other words, expect to wait a bit until Top Gun: Maverick arrives on Paramount+.

Top Gun: Maverick will be available for VOD purchase on August 23.

Better Call Saul has been fast approaching the Breaking Bad timeline (and literally so in the most recent episode that’s actually titled, “Breaking Bad”), at least as far as Jimmy/Saul is concerned. The timing of certain pivotal details remains slightly dicey, but what’s important here is that we’re down to penultimate and final series episodes. We’ve already seen Walter White and Jesse Pinkman make their prequel-spinoff debut (along with Buzz from Home Alone), and people have had plenty of Jesse memes to offer in response.

Where does the show go in the few episodes left before we lose sight of Bob Odenkirk in this franchise? Well, we do know that Kim Wexler left the building prior to antepenultimate time, although her true fate (is she really in Florida?) remains murky. Let’s just say that Redditors had plenty to say about the season as it’s been ticking off boxes (a lot of people hoped Lalo Salamanca would somehow survive — and that a belt buckle turns out to be very important — despite not physically appearing in Breaking Bad, but Lalo obviously did not make it). And this won’t be a completist list of the theories, but it will touch upon the most compelling ones. Let’s get down to business.

Not like The Sopranos or Mad Men, but more like… ? It doesn’t seem likely that this show would abruptly cut to black or with Gene, like, meditating or with the equivalent of a Coke commercial, so will this show follow in the face of any other iconic endings? This is a fun/sad one with one Reddit user hypothesizing that Jimmy/Saul/Gene’s story will end in the manner of Bojack Horseman. This would suppose that there’s no wonderful reconciliation with Kim Wexler, and Jimmy will be haunted by all of his cons and ill deeds, along with the deaths of both Chuck and Howard. This theory equates Gene’s furious phone call with Bojack’s sister cutting ties an equally “we don’t know exactly what transpired in that conversation” sort of way. And this theory would dovetail with everyone who believes that Slippin’ Jimmy ends his story behind bars. Also, this would be fitting because it would give Jimmy a different ending than Walt (dead) or Jesse (escape), and let’s face it, Jimmy always had some legal retribution coming.

Marion’s laptop will be the downfall of Gene/Saul/Jimmy: Carol Burnett’s character (Jeff’s mother) was almost guaranteed to be more than a mere cameo, and the setup here seems too logical (for some) to be ignored. She’s gonna dig around in that laptop and look at cat videos on YouTube and maybe stumble upon one of Saul’s ads, thereby potentially being the person to bring Gene’s true identity to light? Then boom, goodbye to freedom, Gene. Never underestimate the power of someone with too much time on their hands who isn’t thrilled about her son’s friends. It could be a fitting twist after all of Jimmy’s con work alongside the elderly, although it wouldn’t come without some mixed feelings since Jimmy truly did seem to care for (at least some of) his clients.

The man with cancer is a red herring: This theory posits that, yes, Gene is not doing the smartest thing in the world by heading to this guy’s house and breaking in, but that the man will be a reality check or a sounding board for Gene/Jimmy/Saul. It further follows that Gene and the man (who would miraculously be awake after developing a hell of a tolerance to pain pills) could simply talk, thereby allowing Gene to bare his soul and all of his misdeeds to a man who’s suffering from cancer, meaning that he’s a bit of a stand-in for Walter White. Yes, it’s all far-fetched but not out of the realm of possibility. Who else does Gene really have to talk to, and what better than to do it with someone who could soon be dead or so hopped up on painkillers that telling him everything wouldn’t even matter?

The universe’s timeline will come to an end with Gene: This might not be the most flashy theory of all (heck, it might seem like common sense), but it’s an important one, especially for people who like to put a nice bow on things. This theory suggests that Gene’s timeline will complete the full Breaking Bad universe story, and there will be no extension of the universe past the Saul finale. It further follows that the Cinnabon scenes took place about a year after Jimmy assumed the Gene role and began growing that ‘stache. Granted, there’s no guarantee that this is the case, but it would allow the universe’s focus (in retrospect) to remain on Walt and Jesse’s deeds. And it doesn’t overrule the possibility of another spinoff or limited series or movie, just that this movie won’t move further in time than Gene’s timeline.

Something bad for Kim Wexler: Theories (and these are somewhat outdated) abound on how Kim has possibly been dead for quite some time (unbeknownst to Jimmy), which would mean that she’s not truly in Florida or working for whatever front-company, and that Gene’s ending involves him being sad as hell (the penultimate episode will be called “Waterworks,” though I doubt that refers to Gene dissolving into a pool of tears, that’s too obvious) and alone forever after he finally realizes that she’s dead. And further theories have her alive and well and keeping tabs on Jimmy all along. How does that angry phone call factor into this theory? There’s no telling.

Kim Wexler is doing just fine: This isn’t a Reddit theory, it’s my own, and I’m sticking with it. I want her to walk into view (angry as hell, or happy to see Jimmy and go forth to pull off more cons, it doesn’t matter) and for the world to turn to color. And then I want AMC to announce that Kim’s getting her own limited series and that Rhea Seehorn will make a billion dollars. There’s your ending!

Jennette McCurdy was one of the biggest Nickelodeon stars of the late 2000s, early 2010s. She appeared in numerous shows on the kid-friendly network, including iCarly and Sam & Cat (with Ariana Grande). Those series share a creator in Dan Schneider, who left Nick following accusations of misconduct, including “that he could be verbally abusive at times to coworkers, with tantrums and angry emails a part of the claims,” Deadline reported. He also allegedly requested “shoulder and neck massages” from his young stars, and had a “habit of texting child actors outside of work hours.”

In an excerpt obtained by Vanity Fair from her memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, McCurdy doesn’t mention Schneider by name. But she does refer to an older boss who pressured to her drink while she was underage as The Creator.

“Come on, take a sip.”

“No thanks.”

“Come on.”

“I’ve never had alcohol before. And I’m only eighteen. Couldn’t I get in trouble?”

“No one’s looking, Jennetter. You’re fine.”

“I dunno.”

“The Victorious kids get drunk together all the time. The iCarly kids are so wholesome. We need to give you guys a little edge.”

Later, McCurdy — who claims in the book that she was offered $300,000 to not speak publicly about her time at Nickelodeon; she rejected it — writes that The Creator volunteered to give her his jacket. “He takes his coat off and drapes it around me. He pats my shoulders and then the pat turns into a massage,” the excerpt reads. “My shoulders do have a lot of knots in them, but I don’t want The Creator to be the one rubbing them out. I want to say something… but I’m so scared of offending him.”

McCurdy described her time on Nickelodeon to the Washington Post as half “so cheesy and so polished and so glossy and so fake” and half “so painful and real and raw and hurting,” including being photographed in a bikini by an “(unnamed) intimidating figure” at a wardrobe fitting. “That part was going completely unseen,” she added.

I’m Glad My Mom Died is available on August 9.

(Via Vanity Fair and the Washington Post)

Singer Niki is prepping for the release of Nicole, her sophomore album out next Friday. The anticipation has been growing as she unleashed compelling singles that show off her incisive songwriting, including “Before” and “Oceans & Engines.” Today, she’s giving another preview into the LP with the new song “High School In Jakarta.”

“High School In Jakarta” watches Niki use details to her advantage, reflecting on her life with such specificity and casualness that it feels like she’s talking to a friend: “Didn’t you hear Amanda’s moving back to Colorado? / It’s 2013 & the end of my life,” she sings, opening the track by immediately throwing the listener into her life without warning. Through conjuring tangible characters, Niki portrays complicated dynamics and themes of youth: “I still hate you for making me wish I came out smarter / You love/hate your mother, so do I.”

When announcing Nicole, Niki said, “This project is without a doubt my most favorite thing I have ever made as an artist. It’s where younger me and current me meet and hang and have a fucking blast together.” This track shows this meeting together of her two selves, and it’s mesmerizing to watch.

Watch the video for “High School In Jakarta” above.

Nicole is out 8/12. Pre-order it here.

A couple days ago, Kelis shared an Instagram post showing off her hair and outfit. The post had nothing to do with her beef with Beyoncé over sampling “Milkshake” on Renaissance cut “Energy,” but the comments section quickly became all about it.

Responding to comments from fans and detractors, Kelis declared she “won” by Beyoncé removing the sample and also called the Beyhive “a joke.” Beyond that, she also responded to an interesting point.

A fan mentioned how Bia referenced the “Milkshake” lyrics in her 2021 song “Can’t Touch This,” writing, “Not here to cause problem but genuinely concerned why you ain’t say nothing when @bia did ‘can’t touch this’ and took the whole ‘my milkshare brings all the boys to the yard’ ?” To that, Kelis answered, “like I’ve said, it’s all a problem. Every single time. But this was personal on many levels which people don’t understand and I didn’t care to go further into. But yes. It is all a problem that I am going to fix .”

On a related note, another fan commented, “Why can’t we as sisters ever settle anything behind closed doors without giving others the satisfaction of making it look like a feud? I’m so curious to know and understand.” Kelis answered, “it’s bigger then that.”

One of those aforementioned levels is presumably related to Pharrell and Chad Hugo (who produced “Milkshake” as The Neptunes), as she called them out last month. A hater took to the comments to bring them up, writing, “If the Neptunes were so bad to you how come everything you did after you left them flopped? They gave you your big break and your biggest singles which allow you to still tour 20 years later but you’re acting like they stole something from you. You owe everything you have to them be grateful.”

In response, Kelis wrote, “that’s funny cause right after I left them I did bossy and many of my biggest songs were not Neptune produced. And I never said they weren’t talented . I said they are bad people. And further more I made them as much as they made me. Do your homework dumb dumb.”

Find Kelis’ original comments below.

Earlier this week, Twitter user Dani Grier Mulvenna shared a photo of her daughter, Cora, and cracked a joke about she looks exactly like Woody Harrelson and you can definitely see the resemblance to the Venom: Let There Be Carnage star. Little did Mulvenna know that Twitter would go head over heels for the comparison, and the tweet quickly racked up nearly half a million likes and over 29,000 retweets. People were here for the Woody Harrelson baby.

“Cora says, thank you all so much for the likes and retweets and also that she doesn’t always look like Woody [Harrelson], it’s just that when she does… she really really does,” Mulvenna wrote in a follow-up tweet.

The situation got even more surreal when Harrelson himself caught wind of the viral tyke and wrote her a poem on Instagram, which doesn’t happen every day:

Ode to Cora-
You’re an adorable child
Flattered to be compared
You have a wonderful smile
I just wish I had your hair

Obviously, Mulvenna was floored by the poem and also highly amused by the headlines that it started generating like, “Woman shocked after giving birth to baby that looks just like Woody Harrelson.”

“This is my favourite headline so far,” Mulvenna tweeted. “Like I was just there in hospital with a little Woody Harrelson in a blanket screaming WHHHHHHYYYYYY”

Mulvenna would also appreciate an edit button after realizing there’s a glaring typo in her now-viral tweet. “Oh my god, it took me two days and 445k likes to realise my phone corrected Harrelson to Harreslon,” she wrote.

(Via Woody Harrelson on Instagram)

The pandemic made it so The Weeknd couldn’t tour behind 2020’s After Hours immediately following its release, but he didn’t want that to stop him from putting out another album. He ended up doing just that, dropping Dawn FM earlier this year. That didn’t put an After Hours tour to rest, though. Instead, The Weeknd is supporting both albums on his ongoing After Hours Til Dawn tour.

The trek kicked off in mid-July and so far, The Weeknd has six shows under his belt (as of August 4). At those concerts, what songs has he been performing most?

The answer right now is all of them, according to data from Setlist.fm, the most comprehensive resource for concert setlists available online; For each show, he’s had the exact same 29-song setlist, which makes sense given how early into the tour he is.

Setlist.fm also has an “average setlist” for the After Hours Til Dawn tour, which is based on setlists from previous shows, so it’s an indication of how an upcoming The Weeknd show might be structured. This one was probably pretty easy to figure out.

As for album-by-album representation on the setlist, Dawn FM has the most songs included, followed closely by After Hours. Then, it’s Starboy, Beauty Behind The Madness, House Of Balloons, My Dear Melancholy, and Kiss Land. If all the “covers” (songs The Weeknd performs on but isn’t the primary artist of on the album version) were considered an album, they’d go after Starboy in the rankings and before Beauty.

Find The Weeknd’s most played songs on After Hours Til Dawn tour below, as well as the tour’s average setlist. Check out The Weeknd’s upcoming tour dates here.

T1. “After Hours” (6 performances for all songs)
T1. “Alone Again”
T1. “Blinding Lights”
T1. “Call Out My Name”
T1. “Can’t Feel My Face”
T1. “Crew Love” (Drake cover)
T1. “Die For You”
T1. “Faith”
T1. “Gasoline”
T1. “Heartless”
T1. “How Do I Make You Love Me?”
T1. “Hurricane” (Kanye West cover)
T1. “I Feel It Coming”
T1. “I Was Never There”
T1. “Is There Someone Else?”
T1. “Kiss Land”
T1. “Less Than Zero”
T1. “Low Life” (Future cover)
T1. “Often”
T1. “Or Nah” (Ty Dolla Sign cover)
T1. “Out Of Time”
T1. “Party Monster”
T1. “Sacrifice”
T1. “Save Your Tears”
T1. “Starboy”
T1. “Take My Breath”
T1. “The Hills”
T1. “The Morning”
T1. “Wicked Games”

“Alone Again”
“Gasoline”
“Sacrifice”
“How Do I Make You Love Me?”
“Can’t Feel My Face”
“Take My Breath”
“Hurricane” (Kanye West cover)
“The Hills”
“Often”
“Crew Love” (Drake cover)
“Starboy”
“Heartless”
“Low Life” (Future cover)
“Or Nah” (Ty Dolla Sign cover)
“Kiss Land”
“Party Monster”
“Faith”
“After Hours”
“Out Of Time”
“I Feel It Coming”
“Die For You”
“Is There Someone Else?”
“I Was Never There”
“Wicked Games”
“Call Out My Name”
“The Morning”
“Save Your Tears”
“Less Than Zero”
“Blinding Lights”

The Killers are currently touring their latest album, Pressure Machine, but before that album was Imploding The Mirage, which arrived in 2020 in the thick of quarantine. It offered a glimpse of hope and comfort for listeners, but it was also a source of conflict for the band as their tour got canceled.

This is the topic the group grapple with on their new song released today, “Boy.” It bubbles with an upbeat sound and positive energy as leader Brandon Flowers sings the refrain, “Don’t overthink it, boy,” providing solace to his old self.

“This was the first song written after we had to cancel the Imploding The Mirage tour due to the pandemic,” he said of the song in a statement. “I had recently moved back to Utah and started to make trips to Nephi, where I grew up. I found that the place I had wanted to get away from so desperately at 16 was now a place that I couldn’t stop returning to. I have a son approaching the age I was at that time in my life. With ‘boy,’ I want to reach out and tell myself — and my sons — to not overthink it. And to look for the ‘white arrows’ in their lives. For me now, white arrows are my wife, children, my songs and the stage.”

Listen to “Boy” above.

“Fake it till you make it” is an oft-used phrase, but it was also an operating philosophy for Tenacious D. “We were presenting ourselves as the greatest band on earth, but we were also a total catastrophe,” Jack Black tells us, recounting how he and bandmate Kyle Gass didn’t know how to plug in their amps early in their careers. What a difference a few decades makes.

On a break in between legs of their latest tour, the hard rocking and hilarious folk metal duo best known for “Tribute,” “Fuck Her Gently,” and the film Pick Of Destiny is triumphant yet hungry for more, working on a new album and promoting a fiber bar capable of enabling the “perfect deuce,” according to Black. They’re also surfing nostalgia waves while talking up Tenacious D: Words + Music, an Audible Original that takes fans through the band’s origins, peaks, and valleys with the help of archive audio from early in their run. The project, which you can download now, is the latest act of powerful and effective legend reinforcement by a band that has charmed, worked, and wished themselves into the hearts and minds of millions.

We spoke with Black and Gass about the project, moments of doubt, the impact of “Hollywood Jack’s” film success, the creative DNA they share with Kanye, and why you never rent a house in Joshua Tree without NBA League Pass.

When you guys talk about how you’d written an earnest song, one of your first songs, and then you realize that you should lean into the comedy and lean into your personality, is there a sadness over not being super serious?

Gass: I think it was kind of a relief. I think that was Jack’s kind of thrust at the time. It was like, oh, yeah. I feel much more comfortable in the comedy realm. Just made a lot of sense. And then going back to the Spinal Tap model too. It was like, no, those guys are playing, they’re writing some great songs. They’re just funny. And it seems like that’s because that’s who they are. [Adopts British accent] “To thine own self be true.” If we could all learn that lesson.

You’re introducing audio here that I guess no one’s heard before or that no one has heard in a long time. Is there some kind of vault, like the Prince vault that you guys have all this stuff in?

Gass: Oh, Jack had a lot of old cassette tapes and wisely kept them in a box, a shoebox I believe. And those were the historical archives. And then our producer, John Spiker, digitized all those, which was really great because those cassettes can go away and dissolve. I fantasized about listening to all of them and picking up the best parts. And then I don’t think I listened to any of them. No.

Black: We did a thing where we would jam and we would record. “Always record,” was our motto from the very beginning. Well, not from the very beginning, because at the very beginning we would jam and not record, and then go, “What was that jam we were doing? I can’t fucking remember. Why weren’t we recording?” Because we didn’t know it was going to be magic. And we quickly realized, okay, we have to record always because we won’t remember. We would play and we would jam and record and then we would go, stone-y playback. We would get stoned and listen back. And then we would record some more after the stone-y playback when we were stoned. Because we were like, now that we’re stoned, maybe the jams will be more stone-y. And sometimes it actually worked, but usually not. Usually, the good stuff came in the first half.

How has the process changed from then to now?

Gass: It hasn’t changed that much, really? I think probably a lot less weed.

Black: Now we have to pay for a very expensive Airbnb to have our writer’s retreats.

Joshua Tree, yeah?

Gass: Exactly.

Black: How did you know Joshua Tree? That is exactly where we went on our last writer’s retreat.

Research. This is my business.

Black: When we got out to Joshua Tree, we did have some good jams, but we got distracted because Kyle became obsessed with the fact that we couldn’t watch the NBA. It wasn’t even playoffs. It wasn’t even playoffs.

Every game matters.

Black: We can’t stay in Joshua Tree. All we get is Netflix on this TV. It took a few hours out of our jam set, but trust me, the next Airbnb we get, I’m going to make sure that we have the NBA.

Gass: Dude, no TV for me. We won’t have time for that.

Black: We did have some side trips, also. Aside from NBA, we had to watch all of the Kanye West documentary, Genius? Whatever that’s called. It was good. We were digging the Kanye behind the scenes. It’s kind of like the Tenacious D Words and Music where you get a little sneak peek behind the curtain. And his origin story, and how he started off as this kind of vulnerable and insecure, but super confident and super talented DJ. And a mix master and producer, that was his real strong suit. And it was interesting because, and this is going to sound real dumb, but we share some of that narcissism that he has in his soup. That’s been part of our comedic shtick, and it’s part of his secret ingredients too, is like thinking that you’re the best in the world. I don’t know that he could exist without having that kind of streak. And in a way that’s been central to our comedy, this whole time; saying that we’re the greatest band in the world. But truth be told there’s always a little tiny bit of us that does think we are the best. And I think John Lennon said it, didn’t he? That if you don’t think that you’re the best band in the world then there’s no point in doing it. I think there’s a truth to that. That whether or not you are, it doesn’t even matter if you’re any good. You need to think that you’re potentially the best ever, of all times, just to fucking get out bed in the morning. [Laughs]

Gass: Yeah. It’s too hard.

How could you weather any kind of adversity if you don’t think that you’ve got something in you that people have to hear?

Gass: Exactly.

Black: You have to go out there in front of a big crowd of people. That’s terrifying stuff. You have to have a kind of insane confidence.

[Jack steps away from the Zoom for a moment leaving Kyle and I.]

I thought it was really interesting when you both spoke about sort of the birth of Hollywood Jack and Jack starts getting all these movie roles. Kyle, take me through sort of what that feels like. Is there jealousy?

Gass: Well it’s a double-edged sword. Because one, he’s my best mate. And then we’re both trying to make it in Hollywood. And then also he’s almost 10 years younger than me, but we’re still kind of fighting in the same soup. And then he just busts out. It’s just amazing to watch and real exciting. You go, how high can he go? And then he just keeps going. And then, there’s the other part where it’s like, “God dammit, [it’s] taking so much time away from the D. You know, movies take a long time. That’s been a challenge for sure. Kind of frustrating. And then also, you’re not supposed to compare. Compare to despair, I believe, is what they say. But it’s just hard not to.

Difficult to have blinders on.

Gass: I’ve gotten some fun parts. I really enjoy acting and stuff, but yeah, it’s definitely a double-edged sword. It’s frustrating at times, but it’s kind of magic too. And you know, Jack is a great star. But also early on, it was definitely like, “No, I think he’s that talented.” You just got to step aside and let the man go by.

[Jack has returned.]

Jack, I’m curious, when the birth of Hollywood Jack happens and you start booking all these roles and you’re a juggernaut. What’s your fear as far as holding onto the band, holding onto the friendship? Do you worry about stuff like that? Are you just drowning in money?

Gass: All the way to the bank.

Black: I remember when I got the offer to be in High Fidelity, we had Tenacious D rolling. We were on HBO and we were cooking with gas. And that’s why I got the offer for High Fidelity; I think how it went down is John Cusack liked Tenacious D. He liked what I did on that and was like, “We want you to play Barry.” And it was a juicy role, but I remember thinking, it’s kind of about music and rock and roll. And it’s about some of the themes that we got going in Tenacious D and now I kind of feel like we’re a real band now. Tenacious D is a real thing. And I don’t know if I want to do a movie about that world, because then it might eat its own tail a little bit, or it might step on Tenacious D’s heat. And also I was just scared because I didn’t know if I would be good in a movie with a big role like that. So I was kind of finding ways to sabotage that whole thing and say no. And then I finally realized, wait a second, this is fucking John Cusack with Stephen Frears, who is one of my favorite directors. What am I doing? I’ve got to fucking do it. So anyway, yeah, I did have misgivings. Because I was like, what if this fucks up Tenacious D? But in the end I said, “Fuck Tenacious D. I got to make this movie!” [Laughs]

Gass: Duh. You got to do that.

Black: And in the end I felt like it actually was a blessing because it helped both things.

Gass: Good for the goose, good for the gander.

In the same breath though, do you think that your career has led to maybe less production from you guys as far as less albums, things like that? Has that been a trade-off that you guys have both had to deal with?

Black: I don’t know. I don’t think so. We do things pretty slowly, regardless. I think we’re on a six year-cycle. Every six years we put out a record. Maybe it would go faster if we weren’t doing other things, but I don’t think so.

Gass: If it were the only game in town for you, there’d probably be. But you know, that’s just not the way [it is].

Black: Maybe. Maybe we would’ve exploded and stopped being a band years ago. It’s an alternate reality that we can never know.

Gass: It’s an unknown.

What’s next for you guys? You just put out The Who medley which is great. You’re on a tour right now or about to be?

Black: We are in between legs. We had a great, greatest hits first leg in June. And we got another leg coming up in September. Looking forward to that. As always, looking forward to the live shows. We got this record that we’ve been working on for a few years and yeah, we can’t really tell you anything about that. Because it’s kind of like a Marvel movie. It’s so grand in scope. And if we let out any spoilers, then you know, Flight of the Conchords or one of the other bands would steal it for sure.

I’ll let Andy Samburg know if you tell me.

Black: Oh my God.

Gass: He’s watching our every move.

‘Tenacious D: Words + Music’ is available for download now.

The content culling has begun over on HBO Max.

There are plenty of reasons why the streaming platform is dumping some of its recently released movies and (possibly) TV shows — most of them have to do with money — but we’re not here to make sense of the executive decision-making that happens at multi-million dollar tech companies or to even pass judgment on the Silicon Valley tyrants holding our beloved IP hostage.

No, we’re here to scry the future using a crystal ball crafted from years of industry experience and all the disappointment, heartbreak, and futile outrage that comes with it to make some educated guesses about which HBO Max series might be safe, and which might be headed for an early grave. Will most of these predictions eventually devolve into a pathetic attempt at bargaining with the powers that be to save a bunch of weird TV we’ve grown too attached to over the years? Probably.

Hacks

The idea that HBO Max would put Hacks – an award-winning, critically-beloved series about a legendary female comic on the road to getting her stand-up groove back – to pasture all for a measly tax break is, quite frankly, a storyline you’d expect to see on Hacks. But hear this, corporate overlords – you’ll have a gay mutiny on your hands. Queer cruise lines everywhere will join forces, creating a rainbow-colored armada that will lay siege to Warner Media’s headquarters. Dead shrimp will be thrown. Chainsaws cranked.

The idea that Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder might be robbed of the chance to showcase their comedic chemistry if the show doesn’t get its already-promised third season is just too much to bear. What’s worse? Hacks is also a show that’s given underrated and unseen talent like Paul W. Downs, Meg Stalter, and Carl Clemon-Hopkins a platform to brandish their own comedy chops, playing supporting characters that have sparked their own fandoms online. In other words, Hacks is a series that transcends generational gaps and manages to interrogate archaic societal norms like sexism in stand-up and ageism in Hollywood without preaching or proselytizing. There’s really no series like it on TV – which is even more reason it needs to be saved. — Jessica Toomer

Peacemaker

This should be a pretty short blurb. Totally one you can skim past. Creator James Gunn already offered assurances in the form of a tweet. And while the desire is supposedly for more blockbuster-y big-screen adventures for DC properties, someone has to acknowledge that Gunn is one of the best in the biz at delivering those and you probably don’t want to piss him and his army of fans off by killing one of his darlings. A popular one that’s already tapping into that sweet, sweet Funko Pop money. Seriously, if they touch that title sequence or a feather on Eagley’s head, we riot. — Jason Tabrys

Dune: The Sisterhood

Before director Denis Villeneuve brought his epic adaptation of Dune to the big screen, HBO Max had already announced plans for a spin-off series focused on the Bene Gesserit, a sisterhood of preternaturally gifted women operating in the shadows of a galactic empire. Following the success of the film – and plans for its sequels – a prequel show set 10,000 years before the fall of House Atreides seemed like a no-brainer. Every streamer is hoping to craft their own version of a Marvel cinematic universe on the small screen these days and HBO’s already betting on House of the Dragon to revive its Game of Thrones fandom. What better pre-existing IP to build on than Frank Herbert’s imaginative and beloved sci-fi franchise? But, with only a director and writer attached to the project at the moment, The Sisterhood could be one of the easier deadweights to drop, from a business standpoint.

We’re not saying we want that to happen. In fact, the idea that the world of Dune could be explored with seasonal arcs that focus on rival Houses and politically-ambitious factions warring over rights to a galaxy full of strange resources like spice is exciting for any kind of genre fan. No, we definitely don’t want to see this kind of potential wasted, we’re just warning you, it might be. — Jessica Toomer

The Other Two

While this new season, which is set to debut in late September, is probably safe, I don’t feel rosy about the prospects for a season 4. The show, which debuted on Comedy Central 73 years ago in 2019, has already had a roller coaster ride of an existence and while it’s beloved by very smart people such as me and probably you if you’re reading this (Goddammit do we have great taste, amiright?), it doesn’t get the awards love or loud critical praise of something like Hacks. Which is also on this list. Gulp. — Jason Tabrys

Minx

If the current state of the world hasn’t convinced you we’re living in a soft launch of Hell, this should: HBO Max might cheat us of another season’s worth of ogling at Jake Johnson’s chest hair. As preposterous as it sounds, we have to prepare ourselves for a future in which Johnson’s sleazy, seductive 70’s porn publisher — who harbors an affinity for peacocking his furry bosom with low-cut button-ups and brightly-patterned silks – doesn’t return to give us more thirst-trap material to post on main. The good news here is that the show has already been renewed for a second season and it sports a devoted fan following. Add that to its captivating and comedic plot about an ambitious journalist who starts an erotic magazine for women, and, well, we have high hopes that our anxiety is whispering doomsday predictions in our susceptible little ears for absolutely no reason and Johnson will, in fact, get to revive his musky manwhore for round two. — Jessica Toomer

Harley Quinn

You’d think this animated series, currently streaming its third season, would be as far from the chopping block as metaphorically possible at this point. After all, during a time of upheaval and uncertainty within its movie verse, DC’s TV roster feels like a safer, surer bet. Especially Harley Quinn, an animated, action-packed, darkly-comedic take on the beloved Gotham villain, her girlfriend Poison Ivy, and the crew of misfits they’ve assembled to wreak havoc in Bruce Wayne’s backyard. Sure, cartoons used to fly under the critical radar – we’ve had to spend years trying to convince comic fans to give this show a shot simply because it’s pixelated – but that seems to be changing and Harley Quinn is a big reason why. With polarizing bad guys, morally-grey anti-heroines, NSFW Batman content, and storylines that approach complicated social issues with a surprising amount of insight and care, Harley Quinn is Peak TV, and not just for the animation crowd. We’d be sad to see this one go especially since, now more than ever, DC needs some consistency in the projects it’s greenlighting, but if the Scooby-Doo shelving has taught us anything, it’s that streamers are happy to gut anything – even a successful, already-filmed follow-up – if it’s in cartoon form. — Jessica Toomer

Conan

This is a weird one because this show is, as far as we can tell, still theoretical, launched into the minds of Conan O’Brien fans as a comfort and a promise for something new after he left TBS more than a year ago. Since then, we haven’t heard much about when or what it would be, and with this burst of news and rumors, wonder creeps in about if we ever will hear anything more about it and what that means for Conan and “TV.”

Now, of course, it’s not like the late-night legend ran off to milk cows on a Wyoming cattle ranch, he’s staying close by with his podcast empire, but the lack of clarity around this new HBO Max show allowed for a lot of theorizing. And now those theories have turned into expectations that may not get the payoff some of us demand. So I just want to know who to blame for the cancellation of the never formally announced Conan And The Masturbating Bear Play Old Time Baseball On All The Continents show, assuming it doesn’t still happen. — Jason Tabrys

The Flight Attendant

Kaley Cuoco’s murder-mystery series was one of HBO Max’s first big wins – in the ratings department and in the eyes of critics. So, naturally, you’d think the streamer would have some loyalty to the show that helped put it on the map. And it might. Chief Content Officer Casey Bloys has already teased a third season which means there’s support for the show at an executive level. The problem? Cuoco isn’t sure if she’d come back to continue Cassie’s story – one that had a satisfying if incomplete ending in season two. After solving a murder despite her alcohol-induced blackouts in season one, Cassie began working for the CIA, using her flight attendant day job as a cover for her many missions. She thwarted assassination attempts, deranged doppelgangers, and her own inner demons to grow and evolve in season two but for the show to get another crack at things, the creative team will likely need an idea that’s more outrageous and watchable than what’s come before. Knowing how the comedy series loves to reinvent itself and push its storytelling to the limit, that’s certainly possible. — Jessica Toomer

The Penguin

Once again, this show would appear to be an anathema to the rumored big screen dream corporate think, but like Gunn, Matt Reeves’s projects are likely protected by a forcefield thanks to his successes. Plus, there’s just too much Batworld for him to unfurl in cinemas and it’s got a big name in Colin Farrell. But wait! Isn’t Batgirl a Batworld project with big stars? It is, but there isn’t that linear connection to something that worked undeniably like The Batman. The DCEU is either in a state of crisis or turnover, The Batman and Joker are clear from any of that baggage, likely making it easier to cut ties with anything not that. Which sucks. This isn’t fair or right, it just is. — Jason Tabrys

Starstruck

Starstruck is a terrific little comedy, a story about a woman who accidentally hooks up with a celebrity and has her life thrown into chaos. It’s the stuff fanfiction writers create on the daily, done well thanks to Rose Matafeo’s charisma and charm and willingness to look absolutely ridiculous on-screen for a good laugh. There’s romance, there’s self-contemplation, and there’s some cringe-comedy that feels painfully relatable to every millennial-aged woman who once had a poster of Jonathan Taylor Thomas hanging in their childhood bedroom. Please, for JTT, just watch this show. If you don’t watch Starstruck then HBO Max might kill Starstruck and then what has this all been for? — Jessica Toomer

Our Flag Means Death

They would NEVER! Put aside the fact that this show is as charming as a basket of puppies, filled with great singular performances, and a storytelling triumph. It also has a vocal fanbase that has spent the space between the season 1 finale and the season 2 premiere making fan art and enough social posts to make the show and its characters trend repeatedly. There’s just so much positivity here and so much nuance to explore (and celebrate) with the show’s central romance between Ed and Stede. Losing this show would be the deepest cut on this whole list as far as I’m concerned and the biggest PR disaster for the mothership. The internet would literally never stop talking about the stupidity and callousness of that decision.

Our Flag Means Death is also the most powerful reminder of what we’d be losing if HBO Max (and the streaming landscape, on the whole) is fundamentally changed or retracted. Niche programming gets written off constantly, and a pirate show probably fits under that heading, but look what they made! Magic happens in entertainment when ambitious and creative people get a little bit of land and a little bit of water. We joke about there being too much TV all the time, but streaming also enables a ton of shows that aren’t exactly mainstream and that creates a lot of chances for things to expand the idea of what mainstream means and for people to connect deeply and truly with their favorite thing in a world where that can mean so much. — Jason Tabrys