Ever since early copies of Maggie Haberman’s new Donald Trump tell-all Confidence Man began circulating, we’ve been fed tasty little tidbits about everything from Trump’s favorite part about being president (the fame, obviously) to how the former president once made Eric fast-forward through the dialogue of Bloodsport to get straight to the fight scenes while the two of them were on a private plane with convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell. But the bombshell to end all bombshells (at least as far as this writer is concerned) was the news that Trump once very loudly berated No. 1 stooge Rudy Giuliani for dropping a fetid No. 2 while aboard Trump’s plane.
To be honest, we were kind of shocked that Seth Meyers didn’t cancel his entire show on Tuesday and just spend an hour talking about that. But he made up for it on Wednesday night, when he channeled his inner Walter Cronkite — black-and-white film and cigarette included — to deliver this vital piece of news. As Meyers explained:
Every so often, a story comes along that makes us throw out everything we were planning on doing that night on this show — a blockbuster story of monumental consequence to the nation. It happened many times during the Trump presidency: the Mueller investigation, two impeachments, an attempted coup. And look, I don’t want to say that our audience expects or needs us to provide this service. But we feel a moral obligation to bring you the biggest stories of the day because for many people, let’s face it — and I don’t say this lightly — we are their Walter Cronkite. People trust us to bring them the stories that matter most. And to do it with poise and moral clarity and gravitas.
It was all just a preamble to what Meyers rightly concluded is one of the most important stories of the year — hell, maybe even this century: “According to a blockbuster tell-all by New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman, ‘Trump razzed Giuliani about how much his sh*t literally stinks!!’” As Meyers continued:
That’s right, Trump loudly complained about his lawyer’s stinky dumps. According to the book, “While aboard one of the former president’s planes with Giuliani, Trump made it a point to ‘loudly complain’ about ‘the odor after Giuliani had used one of the plane’s bathrooms, so that other aides could hear.’ ‘Rudy! That’s f***ing disgusting!,’ Trump yelled.
This is one of those shocking stories that you also definitely could have predicted. No one thinks Rudy is making good smells. It’s why he’s constantly voted New York Mayor Least Likely to Have His Own Fragrance… So I’m not surprised Rudy makes bad smells, but I am surprised that it’s so bad that TRUMP complained about it. I mean, all Trump consumes are Big Macs and Diet Cokes. He probably has one bowel movement a week that looks like the scene from Jurassic Park.
While no specific time frame is given for Stankgate, Meyers can imagine it being while Trump was in office, and should have been preoccupied with other things. Like North Korea launching a nuclear missile at us or something. But all Trump can think about is the smell that singed his nose hairs, while yelling things like, “Rudy, it’s Air Force One, not Air Force Number Two.”
But Meyers has a sneaking suspicion that Trump jumped right in there with his complaints was “so that he could beat Rudy to the punch. Because Rudy definitely has the vibe of a ‘Don’t go in there!’ kinda guy.”
You can watch the full clip above — and should. Because, as Meyers noted, “This is the most important story we have ever covered on this show. This is our Watergate!”