The midterm elections are not far off, and in the final weeks Republicans have been surging in the polls. Even three of the GOP’s kookiest candidates have gained ground: Herschel Walker, the former footballer who keeps getting busted with claims that he paid for abortions; Dr. Oz, a carpetbagger who killed a bunch of dogs; and Kari Lake, a local news anchor and anti-Trumper-turned-MAGA 2020 election denier. SNL’s most recent Cold Open skewered them, hoping to remind viewers that all three are rather silly.
Heidi Gardner played PBS Newshour’s Judy Woodruff, forced to speak to the aforementioned three. She started with Kenan Thompson’s Walker, asking him how on earth he’s suddenly doing well in the home stretch.
“And that’s where I don’t know,” he replied, replicating Walker’s fractured train of thought. “The whole world is a mystery, ain’t it? For per example, a thermos: It keeps the hot things hot, but also the cold things cold. My questions is: How do we decide? So we’re going to be looking into that very much.”
When asked why many Georgians seem to be fine with a candidate who’s been accused of paying for two women’s abortions and holding a gun to his ex-wife’s head, he replied, simply, “Gas.” That should explain it, but he went further. “I’m fun! Look, if you want to get on the jumbotron at the Falcons game, you don’t throw on a cardigan and start making sense! You take your shirt off and shake your belly around! That’s what I’m doing, and people love me no matter what.”
He concluded, “Like the great Trump Donald said, I could pay for an abortion in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose any votes! And that’s a promise from me, Herschel Wikipotamus.”
Mikey Day’s Oz was next. “Let’s remember: I was a long shot, Judy,” he said, “but I always told myself, you can win this election if you’re honest, if you’re fair, and if your opponent has a debilitating medical emergency. So, we’re very lucky.”
Then there was Cecily Strong’s Lake, who sent up perhaps her most perplexing habit: doing Zoom interviews in what looks like an iPhone Portrait Mode — or as Strong put it, “constantly in soft focus, and lit like a ’90s Cinemax softcore.”
Strong’s Lake declared, “I’m a fighter. In my life, I’ve sent back over 2,000 salads, and I’m not afraid to do the same thing with democracy.” When asked about her stance on making sure everyone gets the chance to vote, she replied, “Judy, I’ll make it easy: If the people of Arizona elect me, I’ll make sure they never have to vote ever again.”
You can watch the sketch in the video above.