Year: 2022

Last night’s Super Bowl halftime show drew its fair share of both praise and controversy, as West Coast hip-hop legend Dr. Dre took to the field with a cadre of superstar associates including 50 Cent, Anderson .Paak, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Mary J. Blige, and Snoop Dogg. While some conservative pundits offered the probably disingenuous criticism of the show as depicting “sexual anarchy,” another lightning rod during the performance was Eminem taking a knee in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick and all the other players who protested police brutality during the 2016 season.

Ahead of the performance, it was reported that the NFL had apparently shot down the idea when he pitched it during planning and rehearsals, as well as flagging Dr. Dre’s “still not loving police” lyric from “Still D.R.E.” as possibly “divisive” moments. However, that report didn’t stop either performer from going ahead as planned, although Kendrick Lamar did censor the “we hate po-po” lyric from “Alright.”

A report shortly after the performance in the New York Times suggests new information from a league spokesman who insinuated that all those possibly controversial moments were cleared in rehearsals. Brian McCarthy said league officials “watched it during rehearsals this week” and didn’t mention receiving any notes. He also said that players and coaches were cleared to demonstrate before the game, although it didn’t seem that any of them did.

Donald Trump‘s biggest fan is Donald Trump. The former-president has called himself a “very stable genius,” “the chosen one,” and “so great looking.” He’s also “like, really smart” with a “very good brain,” and that there’s “no problem” with the size of his Toad. But, surprisingly, he didn’t consider himself the “smartest guy” that he’s ever met. That honor belongs to… someone in his family, because of course it does.

In their book This Will Not Pass: Trump, Biden, and the Battle for America’s Future, authors and New York Times reporters Jonathan Martin and Alexander Burns detailed a conversation between Trump and a golfing buddy of his about son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Jared, Trump told a friend at his Virginia golf course, was “the smartest guy I’ve ever seen in my life… Can’t throw a football ten yards, and Ivanka coulda married Tom Brady,” Trump said, according to the friend. “But he’s a great kid, he’s got my back.”

Trump reportedly tried to set up the retired seven-time Super Bowl winner (and MAGA hat owner) with his daughter Ivanka, but “that was a long time ago in my life,” Brady told Howard Stern in 2020. “No, there was never that, where we ever dated or anything like that.” Instead, Ivanka had to settle with Slenderman, I mean, the smartest man.

(Via Yahoo!)

The Righteous Gemstones Halo Report is a weekly recap feature that assigns between zero and five halos to people, things, events, and general topics from each episode. There is very little to this beyond an excuse to highlight cool stuff from a good show and make jokes. And do crappy drawings of halos in MS Paint. We’re having fun.

ZERO HALOS

The cycle ninjas

Just an outrageously poor showing by the cycle ninjas here. They rolled up on the hospital with all the subtlety of a Vegas magician, kicked in doors galore until they found the correct room, sprayed a mannequin with bullets, fired about 5000 other bullets that hit nothing and no one, and then got taken out by a failson, a sweet man in a beret, and an aspiring Hollywood stuntman who was armed only with a cattle prod.

Couple this with the first failed hit and the thing where Eli appears to be inching back toward life… really just a pathetic display of cycle ninja-ing.

Getting spanked in public in broad daylight in front of your family

We’ll get to both parties involved here in more depth shortly, but for now, let’s just go ahead and say this was not a proud moment for BJ, or any of us, really.

ONE HALO

Baby Billy

Hmm, where do we start:

• Bailed on Tiffany and his unborn son, repeating his past sins without even taking anyone to a pet store this time
• Went on the saddest outlet mall shopping spree you’ve ever seen using his child bride’s credit card
• Started selling a shady health elixir on infomercials
• Tried to make a getaway and ended up tipping his trailer over and leaving a trail of elixir and twisted metal all over the parking lot

A classic Baby Billy performance.

Eli Gemstone

On one hand, appears to be waking up after a hailstorm of bullets ripped through his car and torso. Which is good. But, on the other hand, while he was incapacitated, his idiot children moved him out of the hospital so they could engage in Home Alone-style guerilla warfare in a rented-out hospital wing with the dangerous men who tried to kill him in the first place.

In all the various universes out there, with all the possible outcomes of all the possible actions, I’ve got to believe the one we saw was the only one where any of this worked. Dozens of people should be dead.

TWO HALOS

Aunt Tiffany

She’s a sweet woman who can’t read and is about to have a baby whose genetic makeup is at least 50 percent crooked carnival barker, which is bad. But she did have that nice little bonding moment with Judy and Amber. That’s not nothing.

The main takeaway here is that I desperately need to see her and BJ do more detective work together and maybe even open a detective agency. Like, picture Knives Out but with the two of them in place of Daniel Craig. It’s a fun visual.

Baby Billy’s shopping spree

After a great deal of thought and reflection, I have decided that the funniest purchase on this list was Sbarro. Man had a stolen credit card and could’ve gone anywhere. He chose Sbarro. I mean, honestly. That’s a beautiful little touch by this show, one of those things that tells us more about the character than a whole episode of backstory could. Crocs were a close second, followed by lunch at Cracker Barrel.

Puking, generally

I have a weak stomach and cycled between laughter and almost puking myself during this scene, which was not ideal. I hate puking. I hope I never do it again. It’s gross.

But this was also deeply funny, especially from a show that would kick off a full-on action sequence about 30 minutes later. I respect it a lot, this commitment to just doing the stupidest thing possible sometimes, just for goofs. I am very proud of them.

THREE HALOS

Kelvin

Back to the bullet points:

• Ejected from his house by muscle men
• Still has no use of his thumbs
• Showed up to church lunch in a cloak
• May have prayed his dying father back to life

Lot going on with Kelvin

Keef

I think maybe my favorite line of the entire night — in an episode that was littered with good lines — was Keef apologizing for his behavior because it was his “first time in a safe house situation.”

What a lovely man. I want only the best for him at all times. Stop poking him in the eye with your penises, muscle men!

Judy

Judy making the full-on turn from “I’m sick of babysitting Aunt Tiffany” to “Only I can comfort her” the instant Amber showed a single dollop of compassion… yeah, that’s classic Judy Gemstone right there. One of the best to ever do it. And the worst. It’s complicated. Edi Patterson rules.

FOUR HALOS

Amber

Two great Amber moments this week, coming on the heels of her mowing down a cycle ninja:

• Described Jesse as “not dumb, but dense” which was both accurate and a nice little window into that always-churning brain of her
• Put some real rich extra gravy on the word “congregation” while speaking to the church about Eli and the new hashtag she made

She might be the most capable person on the show. Not exactly a high bar to clear, but, like, still.

Jesse

Somehow, against truly staggering odds, his plan worked almost flawlessly, save a ninja star in a head or two. That’s… kind of incredible. They really defeated all the cycle ninjas after he flipped out and sent the mercenaries home. Again, it was a borderline Home Alone situation at the end there, with Jesse in the role of Kevin McAllister. And he got to shoehorn in the information about Martin’s family he learned but should have already known. Lots of little victories here.

I am kind of excited to see him explain all this to Eli, though. Strikes me as one of those things that sounds a lot worse when you lay it all out. I can see Eli’s face now. You can, too, if you close your eyes for a second.

Stove soup

Makes the whole house smell good. Love some stove soup.

FIVE HALOS

BJ

Yes, he got spanked by Baby Billy and got called Dr. Dipwad by Jesse and ended the night with a throwing star embedded in his skull, but the important thing was that he was there. BJ was there for the showdown. And he was jazzed about it. I love him very much.

Did I want to see him maybe acquire an automatic weapon and a dirtbike and screech around the hospital hunting goons like Rambo? Look, yes, of course I did. But it’s important to set realistic goals here. That was never going to happen. This was the best we could have hoped for.

Martin

Martin rules. I cheered when he yelled at everyone during church lunch. And then there was his little beret. There is so much more to him than we’ve seen to date. I have no doubt he knows how to dispose of a body. Martin fascinates me.

Gideon

A few episodes ago, the show tossed in a seemingly pointless scene where Amber was lighting up a shooting range, only to pay it off later with her mowing down one of the cycle ninjas. This week, a few episodes after a seemingly pointless scene where Gideon showed up at home on a dirtbike he was doing airborne tricks on, he used his mastery of the dirtbike to take out the remaining cycle ninjas like he was freaking John Wick or something. This show has many layers. That’s my point here.

Also, did you see his face at the end? That look of satisfaction he had, not long after telling his parents he felt his purpose was somewhere else? I hope this means he becomes the head of security for the entire Gemstone operation. I hope he gets a whole fleet of dudes on dirtbikes, too. I want to see him kick Torsten off the property. By force. Or by dirtbike race. Either way.

I want to see other things, too. Like who is behind the cycle ninjas. (My money is still on the Lissons.) But definitely this, too. And preferably less vomit. Those two things, mostly. It’s not an unreasonable list.

Lizzo has never been shy about showing off her body. She often posts body-positive photos on Instagram and even posed nude on her debut album cover. However, she’s also always been held back by the limits of Insta’s service agreement, restricting herself to “tasteful” nudes that don’t show too much. It looks like she may have found the perfect outlet for her exhibitionism thanks to her “Rumors” collaborator, Cardi B, who now has a partnership and position with long-running men’s interest magazine, Playboy.

At Drake’s Super Bowl party in LA this weekend, a TMZ photographer asked Lizzo whether she’d pose for Playboy as she signed autographs and took pictures with fans, prompting her to respond, “I LOVE Playboy! Yeah, I’ll do it! Tell Cardi to call me!” She also answered some questions about her growing collection of body piercings. “I have so many piercings right now, I never thought I’d be this girl!” she replied good-naturedly. However, she warned the cameraman, “You can’t see my coochie, I can’t show you. I can’t show TMZ my pussy!”

If anyone could make Lizzo’s dream come true, it’d be Cardi B, who now holds a creative director position at Playboy‘s new online hub, Centerfold. The two stars have a budding friendship, as well, with Cardi defending Lizzo from online critics and Lizzo turning heads at Cardi’s birthday party last year.

Watch Lizzo’s on-the-fly interview with TMZ above.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

In a series of now-deleted Instagram posts, Kanye West ranted about several topics ranging from Kid Cudi to his divorce from Kim Kardashian, who is now dating Saturday Night Live star Pete Davidson. In true Kanye form, the rapper has been extremely vocal about his dislike of Davidson dating Kardashian to the point where he’s threatened to beat the SNL star amongst other unsavory accusations.

Davidson was a repeat topic in Kanye’s latest rant where the rapper shared screenshots of texts from Davidson, who attempted to extend an olive branch to diffuse the situation. To the surprise of no one, that didn’t work, and instead, Kanye offered to double the salary of SNL star Michael Che if he quits the show, and more importantly, Davidson.

“I’LL DOUBLE WHATEVER THEY PAYING YOU JUST SO YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK AT THAT PAWN EVER AGAIN BIG LOVE,” West reportedly wrote in the caption (via Mediaite) of the now-deleted post.

Despite Kanye pulling the public rant, Che caught wind of the offer and has responded with a counter on Instagram:

“Sorry Ye, but I would never betray my friends — for anything less than TRIPLE salary. That’s right, $90K a year! Full medical, full dental, 4 weeks vacay, corner office. Plus, a pair of Red Octobers. Size 12. And you gotta make some beats for my band “The Slap Butts.” What else what else. And you gotta tell me what you’re gonna wear to work the night before so we can look like twins! You do that for me, I’ll Rambo that whole building!”

You can see Che’s full post below:

(Via Michael Che on Instagram)

There’s a lot of uncertainty about Ana de Armas’ Marilyn Monroe biopic, Blonde. When will it be on Netflix, will it premiere at the Cannes Film Festival, what will it be rated, etc. But there’s no mystery surrounding another movie with the Knives Out star: Deep Water is finally coming out soon, and Hulu has the teaser trailer to prove it.

Directed by Adrian Lyne (Fatal Attraction, Flashdance, Unfaithful) and based on The Talented Mr. Ripley author Patricia Highsmith’s novel of the same name, Deep Water “takes us inside the marriage of picture-perfect Vic and Melinda Van Allen to discover the dangerous mind games they play and what happens to the people that get caught up in them,” according to the official plot synopsis. Vic and Melinda are played by Ben Affleck and de Armas, who started dating after meeting on set. Theirs was a relationship that got us all (mostly me) through the early days of the pandemic. Who could forget their daily strolls? Unfortunately, they burned too bright and broke up, leading to the indelible image of Affleck’s cardboard cutout of de Armas being left on the curb.

This is the trailer that should have played during the Super Bowl, not Jurassic World Dominion. Especially with Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in attendance.

Deep Water, which also stars Tracy Letts, Lil Rel Howery, Dash Mihok, Finn Wittrock, Kristen Connolly, Jacob Elordi, Rachel Blanchard, Michael Braun, Jade Fernandez, Grace Jenkins, Brendan C. Miller, Devyn Tyler, and Jeff Pope, premieres on Hulu on March 18.

Oh boy. Where to start? The lead up to the Super Bowl included reports that Eminem was told not to kneel during the Halftime show. Well, Marshall Mathers did, in fact, kneel as a gesture of solidarity toward Colin Kaepernick. Surely, you’ve seen the moment by now, but just in case you haven’t, it goes down here (shortly after the 11:00 mark), and this was obviously too much for conservatives to handle. The same goes for the entirety of the Halftime show that included Dr. Dre, Kendrick Lamar, Mary J. Bilge, Snoop, and an upside down 50 Cent.

None of this would stand for conservatives, including activist Charlie Kirk, whose tweet genuinely looked like parody (but it wasn’t). “The NFL is now the league of sexual anarchy,” Kirk wrote. “This halftime show should not be allowed on television.”

AOC (who once called conservatives “creepy weirdos” for their apparent fixation on her looks) had a swift response: “Like I said, weirdos.”

And from there, “sexual anarchy” inspired a ton of comebacks.

Yep, the far-right also seemed steamed about Eminem’s presence in general.

And as lawyer Ron Filipkowski joked, “MAGA is upset that the NFL didn’t bring out more ‘wholesome’ entertainment like Kid Rock and Ted Nugent.”

Is it a joke, though, if MAGA people really want this to happen?

And from there, the Kid Rock-related comebacks poured in because, as one person pointed out, “The distance between Eminem and Kid Rock as white rappers from Michigan could not be greater.”

A whole lot of pearls will meet their maker over this one. Is it time for the next Super Bowl yet? Asking, uh, for a friend who enjoys chaos.

Ivan Reitman, the legendary director behind such comedy classics as Ghostbusters, Stripes, and National Lampoon’s Animal House has died at age 75. According to a statement from his family, Reitman passed away peacefully at his home in California on Saturday. Via PEOPLE:

“Our family is grieving the unexpected loss of a husband, father and grandfather who taught us to always seek the magic in life,” said his children, Jason Reitman, Catherine Reitman and Caroline Reitman, in a joint statement. “We take comfort that his work as a filmmaker brought laughter and happiness to countless others around the world. While we mourn privately, we hope those who knew him through his films will remember him always.”

News of Reitman’s death broke just as Super Bowl LVI was wrapping up, but that that didn’t stop an outpouring of love from Hollywood from pouring in.

“I am deeply saddened by the loss of Ivan’ Reitman,” wrote Ghostbusters star Ernie Hudson. “Truly a great man and filmmaker who I had honor and privilege of knowing and working with. Deepest condolences to Jason and the entire family. May he RIP”

“I’m in absolute shock,” wrote Ghostbusters: Answer the Call director Paul Feig. “I had the honor of working so closely with Ivan and it was always such a learning experience. He directed some of my favorite comedies of all time. All of us in comedy owe him so very much. Thank you for everything, Ivan. Truly.”

“Opening night of Ghostbusters at UA Plainview was like a rock concert,” wrote famed comedy director Judd Apatow. “The place exploded with joy. It was one of the most memorable moments of my childhood. Ivan Reitman influenced everything we all love about film comedy. A true legend.”

You can see reactions Reitman’s passing below:

(Via PEOPLE)

It’s official: Both members of Silk Sonic — Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak — have performed during a Super Bowl Halftime Show. Mars headlined the 2014 event and popped up during Coldplay’s performance in 2016, and last night, .Paak served as a drummer for Dr. Dre, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Snoop Dogg, and Mary J. Blige’s (and 50 Cent’s) halftime spectacle. While .Paak’s appearance was unexpected, it wasn’t unprecedented, as he and Dre have forged a working relationship in recent years.

Getting to perform at the Super Bowl is one of the biggest achievements in music, so .Paak is pretty thrilled with the whole thing. He wrote on social media, “WOW WHAT A RUSH CONGRATS TO EVERY SUPER HERO ON THAT STAGE!! BIG SHOUT OUT TO @drdre LOVE YOU BRO AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE APART OF HISTORY!!! BE SURE TO PICK UP SOME MERCH OTW OUT!! AND HIT MY LAND LINE FOR ALL DRUM INQUIRIES ! Note: I ONLY PLAY CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES AND FOR DIAMOND SELLING ARTISTS. RATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE ON ANY GIVEN SUNDAY.”

As for that merch, it’s pretty great, as it’s a t-shirt with a portrait of .Paak and text that reads, “We’re with Eminem’s drummer.” The shirt is available for pre-order now.

He also shared a clip of Eminem’s performance of “Lose Yourself” (during which he drummed) and wrote, “YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT!!! THE @rams ARE WORLD CHAMPS!!! SALUTE @eminem @drdre IT WAS SUCH AN HONOR!!! @snoopdogg @eminem @kendricklamar @therealmaryjblige YALL KILLED THAT SH*T!!!! [trophy emoji].”

Ahead of the performance, he also posted a photo of himself with Lamar.

Check out the full Super Bowl Halftime Show here.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Benedict Cumberbatch’s big week began with his first Oscar nomination (for Jane Campion’s exquisite The Power of the Dog) and ended with the trailer for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness premiering during the Super Bowl. I also had a good week: I ate a sandwich on Thursday. Not a great sandwich, but a good one. Good enough. Anyway, Cumberbatch isn’t the only Oscar-nominated performer in the Sam Raimi-directed Marvel film: there’s also Rachel McAdams, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Tom Cruise.

Wait, where is Tom Cruise in the trailer? Well, Marvel fans seem to think the actor — who’s been nominated for three Oscars, Best Actor for Born on the Fourth of July and Jerry Maguire, and Best Supporting Actor for Magnolia — is playing Superior Iron Man, a villainous Iron Man. To paraphrase his Magnolia character T.J. Mackey, in this life, it’s not what you hope for, it’s not what you deserve. It’s what you speculate on Twitter.

If Cruise, like Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool, is actually in Doctor Strange 2 (the alleged set photos across the Internet look like fakes), it would be a full circle moment. He was reportedly in the running to play Iron Man before Robert Downey Jr. got the gig, although as he told Comic Book in 2018, he was “not close” to being offered the role, “and I love Robert Downey Jr. I can’t imagine anyone else in that role, and I think it’s perfect for him.” Respect the RDJ.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness opens on May 6.