Chelsea Handler Says She’s ‘Down With’ Tucker Carlson ‘Hate Masturbating’ To Her

Chelsea Handler has made a career out of being unabashedly honest and not giving a sh*t if that offends the delicate sensibilities of conservative blowhards like Tucker Carlson and Ben Shapiro. In many ways, it’s the truest measure of just how successful she has been. But even Handler was surprised at just how much vitriol “Day in the Life of a Childless Woman,” a TikTok she posted this week, has stirred up in Overprivileged White Man Town.

@chelseahandler

Just another child-free day.

♬ original sound – Chelsea Handler

Over at Fox News, it appeared as if heads might actually explode, Scanners-style, in response to the now-viral video. In it, Handler shares the many joys of being a woman without children to attend to — and the right-wing pundits were NOT happy.

The way Jesse Kelly sees it, “feminists” like Handler are not actually happy — despite being grown-ass women who are fully capable of understanding their own emotions. No, the truth says Kelly is that such women have “been lied to by their society forever that ‘You can be a girl boss!’ and ‘You can do anything a man can do!’ Which, everyone who’s ever seen a woman back up a vehicle knows that’s not true.”

Side note: It’s an interesting theory, and one THIS writer would love to test out any time Kelly wants to stand behind my vehicle.

Kelly went on to explain that Handler’s Valentine’s Day probably included “a 10-year-old copy of Magic Mike and a half-full bottle of Xanax.” Which sounds a hell of a lot better than a Whitman’s Sampler and some bodega flowers.

Ben Shapiro, meanwhile, described Handler as “miserable” while Carlson finds her “deeply unlikeable,” all of which is a-ok with Handler. Who was surprised to learn that her cheeky video had led to “an emergency meeting of the Receding Hairline Society, to discuss a comedy video I filmed about not wanting kids.” After confirming that she is indeed a girl boss and has the receipts — not to mention the bank account statement — to prove it, she did issue a special response, with an aside just for Tucker:

You guys seemed so triggered by me. I mean, my goodness Tucker. I think it is time for you to ask yourself a serious question: Are you really upset about how much freedom I have? Or are you upset that you haven’t been able to take it away from me yet?

“And by all means, Tucker,” Handler added. “If you want to respond to my ‘triggers,’ I will be happy to keep putting out videos as long as you want. I think we both know that you are hate-masturbating to me. And I’m down with that.”

You can watch Handler’s full response here:

Now if only we could get Mitt Romney’s take on the situation.