Month: February 2023

This article originally appeared on 01.31.22

Any parent knows that kids can be surprisingly astute little philosophers at the most unexpected times. One minute your child is throwing a tantrum because you sliced their sandwich wrong, and the next they are blowing you away with their deep preschool thoughts. It’s enough to give you whiplash, but it’s also one of the most fun things about being around kids. You never know what they’re going to say and sometimes what they say is just awesome.

Case in point: This 5-year-old who gave his mom some sage advice about handling her nerves.

Twitter user @Eprecipice (StressieBessie) shared the story in a tweet thread. She wrote:

“When talking about our agendas for the day, I told my 5yo I was a little nervous about a meeting I have today. He said, ‘Mama, I am nervous all the time. I know what to do.’ So friends, here is all the advice he could fit into the drive to school:”

1. “You gotta say your affirmations in your mouth and your heart. You say, ‘I am brave of this meeting!’ , ‘I am loved!’, ‘I smell good!’ And you can say five or three or ten until you know it.”

Okay, first of all, the fact that this kiddo knows what affirmations are is awesome. Some people have questioned whether this advice really came from a 5-year-old because of the vocabulary, but kids are sponges and affirmations aren’t rocket science. It’s become quite common for preschools and kindergartens to teach kids things like this, so it’s not actually surprising to hear him talk about affirmations. It’s just adorable to hear the ones he suggests.

When talking about our agendas for the day, I told my 5yo I was a little nervous about a meeting I have today. He said, u201cMama, I am nervous all the time. I know what to do.u201d So friends, here is all the advice he could fit into the drive to school:

— StressieBessie (@StressieBessie)
1643118594

2. “You gotta walk big. You gotta mean it. Like Dolly on a dinosaur. Because you got it.”

Okay, so this actually is sound advice. Researcher Amy Cuddy gave a whole TED Talk about how our minds respond to our own body language, and how using confident body language can actually release chemicals in our brains that make us feel more powerful and self-assured. So “walk big” like you mean it is legit.

2. u201cYou gotta walk big. You gotta mean it. Like Dolly on a dinosaur. Because you got it.u201d

— StressieBessie (@StressieBessie)
1643118788

3. “Never put a skunk on a bus.”

No idea what this means, but it’s definitely solid wisdom.

4. “Think about the donuts of your day! Even if you cry a little, you can think about potato chips!”

I’m genuinely not sure if this is referencing real donuts or not, which is part of what makes it delightful advice. Metaphorically, “the donuts of your day” could be the positive things that happened, and focusing on those instead of the negative is basic positive thinking. Then again, if you cry and think about potato chips, perhaps he’s just referencing comfort with food. Either way, totally feeling it.

4. u201cThink about the donuts of your day! Even if you cry a little, you can think about potato chips!u201d

— StressieBessie (@StressieBessie)
1643118922

5. “You gotta take a deep breath and you gotta do it again.”

Pretty much every therapist from every psychological school of thought will tell you that breathing exercises are one of the quickest ways to calm your body and mind. Simple, but seriously sound advice.

6. “Even if it’s a yucky day, you can get a hug.”

Even though that sounds like a pretty typical thought for a kid, it’s also good well-being advice. According to The Conversation, the chemicals released when we hug can help us manage stress, reduce anxiety and manage our emotions.

Smart kid.

He added one more piece of advice for good measure as well for those of us who tend toward distraction.

6. u201cEven if itu2019s a yucky day, you can get a hug.u201d

— StressieBessie (@StressieBessie)
1643119356

Extra addition from this afternoon: u201cDonu2019t get distracted and your feet will stay on the sidewalk and not too full of snow.u201d

— StressieBessie (@StressieBessie)
1643147180

Like a little Confucius, this one.

Seriously, if you ever want to hear some of the most oddly profound things you’ll ever hear in your life, spend some time interviewing a 4- or 5-year-old. They really do say the darnedest things. And if you’re nervous about something, just keep telling yourself you’re “brave of” it. If nothing else, it’ll bring a smile to your face remembering this delightful thread.

This article originally appeared on 01.27.21

Menstrual taboos are as old as time and found across cultures. They’ve been used to separate women from men physically — menstrual huts are still a thing — and socially, by creating the perception that a natural bodily function is a sign of weakness.

Even in today’s world women are deemed unfit for positions of power because some men actually believe they won’t be able to handle stressful situations while mensurating.

“Menstruation is an opening for attack: a mark of shame, a sign of weakness, an argument to keep women out of positions of power,’ Colin Schultz writes in Popular Science.

The big problem with menstrual taboos is the way that males are educated on the subject leaves them with a patchwork of ideas that don’t necessarily add up to the whole picture. First, there’s the information they get from growing up with women in the house.

Then, there are the cryptic descriptions of menstruation seen in advertising and the cold, scientific way the topic is taught in sex education.

“Boys’ early learning about menstruation is haphazard,” a 2011 study published in the Journal of Family Issues reads. “The mysterious nature of what happens to girls contributes to a gap in boys’ knowledge about female bodies and to some negative views about girls.”

Unfortunately, the gaps in the average man’s understanding of a complex female health issue can put women in a difficult position. Whether it’s denying them positions of power or a failure to understand their discomfort.

That’s why it’s so important for men to become better educated about menstruation.

A group of women on TikTok are helping the men in their lives better understand the subject by showing them how tampons work on the inside of their bodies by dousing them in water. They call it the Boyfriend Challenge. Some of the guys’ reactions are clearly over-the-top, but it’s also obvious that many of them have no idea how tampons function.

A video by the Demery family has gone viral attracting nearly eight million views. It’s fun to watch, but it also shows men how tampons function and what women go through during their monthly cycle.

@thedemeryfamily22 His reaction is priceless😂 #cutecouple #pregnant #prego #viral #InLove #couplegoals #trend #tampon ♬ original sound – Kolby&Jas❤️

Rachel’s man just uttered the phrase “vagina parachute.”

@mrshillery829 Of course I had to make my husband do this! I will forever call tampons “vagina parachutes”! LMAO!! #tamponchallenge #husbandpranks #funny #fyp ♬ original sound – Rachel Hillery

Paulina’s man was completely flummoxed by the inner workings of a tampon. “You’ve been carrying this like, inside of you?” he asks. “The whole day?”

@paulinat showing him how a tampôn works😭 @fabioguerrrraa ♬ original sound – Pau Torres

This guy thinks it’s “like a butterfly.”

@amanialzubi showing my boyfriend how a tampon works 🤣😳❤️ ( @originalisrael ) #comedy #couple #couplegoals #foryou #trend #tiktok ♬ original sound – amani

Ryley just blew her BFF’s mind.

@thekelleyfamily lmaoooo why 😂😭 #tamponchallenge #trend #hilariouscomedy #couple #married #foryoupage #fyp #xyzbca ♬ Quirky – Oleg Kirilkov

This guy was amazed by the absorbancy.

Let’s hope this challenge gave some men out there a better understanding of what women go through every month and a little more sympathy for the women in their lives.

Hopefully it also makes them feel a little more comfortable around period products and inspires them to pick up the correct box of tampons next time they’re at the grocery store.

This story originally appeared on 02.24.22

Kindergarten through 12th grade teachers and college professors have heard every excuse in the book. Whether it’s a third grader claiming their “dog ate my homework” or a college freshman claiming their grandmother died to get out of a test, they’ve heard it all a billion times.

A college professor once listed the top 21 excuses he’s heard from his students. Here are the top five:

5. “It’s the last week of the semester.”

4. “It’s St. Patrick’s Day or 4/20”

3. “Our other teacher held us back.”

2. “My timetable showed the class was canceled.”

1. “I’m taking a vacation.”

Yes, some students actually say they didn’t do their work because of a holiday predicated on drinking or getting stoned and others have the audacity to say, “Hey! I needed a vacation.” After spending week after week fielding excuses, there’s a good reason why most educators are skeptical when they hear one from their students.

But every once in a while, an excuse that seems way too improbable to be believed actually is true.

Reddit user u/minecraftplayer48 asked the teachers of Reddit to share the “best excuse for being late that turned out to be true” and the stories were all pretty great. But it wasn’t only teachers who chimed in; a lot of people shared stories from when they were students and had an excuse that was so crazy they didn’t think anyone would believe them.

Here are 17 of the best excuses for being late that were actually true.

1. Revenge of the torque wrench

“My auto teacher let me practice removing and adding the tires on his vehicle. The next morning it was about 20 minutes into first period and no sign of him. He comes running into the classroom out of breath and his hair is all messed up. He points at me and says ‘YOU!!!! What is a torque wrench used for???’ I respond with “I don’t know.” He says ‘ I know you don’t know!!!” Turns out one of his tires came off while driving down the highway.” — ethnicjello

2. Mom wanted to sleep in

“She had to take her sister to school and drive her mom to rehab. She was always late to class because her mom just wanted to sleep in. Problem was if the mom was late or did not go she would have violated her probation and gone to prison. I never marked her late. If she missed anything important she could come in at lunch or after school to make it up.” — RM156

3. “That was you?”

“Student here, I headed into school early to get some studying done in the library before my night class. I was one exit away when I was caught in a 3 car accident. Most of the expressway afterwards was gridlock with only one lane left open. I did eventually make it into my lab class 15 minutes late, with a few scrapes and bruises. My professors reaction was simply ‘Oh that was you!”” — AlienCowAbduction

4. “School bus blew up”

“I was one of about 20 kids who were late to school. We showed up at the school office as a group and when questioned why we were late, we said ‘The school bus blew up.’ They questioned ‘So the engine blew up?’ The kids ‘No, the whole bus, in flames. It blew up.’

“There was much conference between the teachers, all of them thinking we embellished the story. Next thing you know, one of the admin staff has the news website open, very obvious image of an entire bus on fire with a bunch of kids in our school uniform standing in front of it. Our late slip for class read ‘School bus blew up.'” — AusPB90

5. B.U.I.

“Told me he got pulled over by the cops for wobbly driving on his bike and they thought he was drunk. Turned out he was just dodging all the slugs on the street.” — Fortisvol

6. Chicken of death

“A guy in my college class missed class one day. The next day he came in with his eye covered up and medical paperwork in hand. Apparently he got pecked in the eye by a chicken.” — BrrToe

7. Chicken 2: The chickening

“When I was student teaching, I was late because there was bunch chickens in the middle of the road. They wouldn’t move at all. This is in the middle of a city of 200,000 people. Freaking chickens.

“I finally get to school and profusely apologize to my mentor teacher and I told her why I was late thinking it sounded ridiculous. She said, ‘yeah, those chickens are fucking assholes, they surrounded my car in the McDonalds parking lot last year. Don’t worry about it.” — Makenshine

8. Cracker Barrel conference

“Taught a group of seniors first period. It was towards the end of the year. I had a class of around 30 and only 5 were there when the bell rang. Halfway through class, the rest of them show up. They went out to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and brought me some back. All was forgiven.” — SwansonsLoveChild

9. Beary late

“Bear on the backyard. No access gate. Animal control had to tranq it from the room and drag it through the house. Made the news. Got to retake the test I missed after sending her the news article.” — Vladtehwood

10. Present the flat

“We had an exam in my class and the teacher got a message from a student saying that he was going to be late because his car had a flat tire (the student was known to party), the teacher didn’t think it could be true, so as a joke the teacher asked him to bring the tire back. He brought the flat tire back in the middle of the exam. Needless to say, the professor didn’t expect that.” — Sapang

11. Moo

“A kid missed my first-period class one morning but was in school later that day. When I asked him why he hadn’t arrived in time for my course, he said his cow was birthing its calf that morning, so he’d picked being in the barn over English. Made sense to me. His essays weren’t going to win any ribbons at the county fair, but his calf could.” — Bobosbigsister

12. Abduction

“In high school a kid came late to history class. He was a joker so when someone asked him where he had been, he goes ‘I was kidnapped.’ Everyone laughed, until he goes ‘no really.’

“Turns out 2 guys kidnapped him and tossed him into the back of the minivan he was using for his morning paper route. They drove him around while they robbed something. I can’t remember what happens after. I think they just drove the van somewhere and got away.” — notinmybackyardcanad

13. Honesty is the best excuse

“Not a teacher, but a kid walked into my class one day and literally just said ‘Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to be here.’ He wasn’t wrong I suppose.” — Scally59

14. It actually was the dog

“A little off topic but in 8th grade, a friend of mine turned in their homework late because her dog literally ate her homework. She even brought a note from her parents.” — JoeyJoey2004

15. Is this a real excuse? Or is it fantasy?

“‘Sorry Bohemian Rhapsody came on just as I parked.’ — My art teacher when he was about 5:55 minutes late.” — Deeberber

16. “I took a shortcut”

“This happened to me as a pupil; a very quiet, unassuming kid in our class came in to German with about five minutes of the class left. We went to a Catholic school and the teachers were all quite strict and intimidating. Classes were usually silent, especially in junior school. When this boy came into class at the end of the lesson that day, the door flew inwards with such force that the teacher gave an audible gasp.

“It had been raining heavily outside, his hair was plastered to his forehead. His blazer was dripping and sodden. He had mud caked into his trousers up to his knees, and he was breathing heavily. The teacher exclaimed, ‘Brendan! What happened?’ We all stared up at him in shocked silence. This quiet, unassuming little boy let out a big sigh and just said, ‘I took a shortcut.’ And went straight to his seat.

“That line became iconic in our school for years afterward.” — lestat85

17. Pug lovers can attest

“Kid was late to school and had to miss a very important football game. The reason? His fat pug fell asleep on his phone. The pug’s fat rolls muffled his alarm.” — tip52

Last weekend, Ariana DeBose thought she was doing something nice. The Oscar-winning actress and singer performed the opening song at this year’s BAFTA awards, the U.K.’s answer to the Oscars. Alas, a portion of her performance in which she raps about all the nominated actresses went viral in an unintended way, with people dragging such lines as “Angela Bassett did the thing.” Initially it seemed DeBose wasn’t taking the attention well, even deactivating her Twitter account. But in a recent Instagram post, it seems she’s cool with all the jokes.

On Thursday during a performance in Amsterdam, Lizzo paid cheeky homage to DeBose’s performance, slipping in the line “Angela Bassett did the thing” into one of her songs. The moment went viral, and it did not escape DeBose’s attention. She reposted video of Lizzo’s bit, with some good-natured words. “The internet is wild y’all!” DeBose wrote. “Appreciate all the love.”

DeBose’s star has ascended ever since she appeared in Steven Spielberg’s film version of West Side Story, in which she played Anita. Her turn nabbed her an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress, just as Rita Moreno won for the same role some 60 years prior.

Speaking of Oscars, Bassett is nominated for the same award but for Black Panther: Wakanda. She won a Golden Globe for her performance last month.

(Via The Hollywood Reporter)

Kanye West and Adidas have finally reached a settlement to sell the rest of the remaining $500 million in Yeezy sneaker inventory. The footwear giant terminated its partnership with West this past October following his anti-Semitic comments and the several antics that followed — including sitting down with InfoWars host Alex Jones to chat about his admiration for Hitler and Nazism.

According to reports, Adidas and the controversial rapper will sell the remaining sneaker inventory this year. The new contract will focus solely on selling the rapper’s existing merchandise and will not include any new designs or apparel from his clothing line.

The settlement comes off the heels of Adidas CEO Bjorn Gulden revealing that the athletic brand was expected to take a nearly $1 billion hit since terminating their partnership.

“The numbers speak for themselves. We are currently not performing the way we should,” Gulden said before mentioning that 2023 would be a “year of transition” for the company.

He continued, “We will put full focus on the consumer, our athletes, our retail partners, and our Adidas employees. Together, we will work on creating brand heat, improve our product engine, better serve our distribution. and assure that Adidas is a great and fun place to work. Adidas has all the ingredients to be successful: A great brand, great people, fantastic partners, and a global infrastructure second to none.”

Tom Cruise turns 61 years young this year, but he’s in no hurry to calm down. Indeed, he’s more of a thrill-seeker now than when he was young. During a rare late night chat show appearance, the movie star who had the biggest hit of his career last year and who may have very well saved movies spent a good chunk of his appearance being grilled about the death-defying stunts he would still do — and the ones where he draws the line.

On Friday, the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! welcomed Cruise, who had come from the set of one of the next Mission: Impossible films by asking him the obvious question: “Did you risk your life today?”

“Well, I did get in a car in this weather,” Cruise joked, referring to the rare rainfall in Los Angeles, “so I think we all did.”

Eventually Kimmel grilled Cruise about his yen for risking his life just to entertain. He asked him something few have: What stunts does his team forbid him from doing?

“I can jump off a cliff, but don’t go snowboarding,” he said. “Or they prefer I don’t get on a skateboard.” He added, “And look both ways before I cross the street. That’s dangerous.”

When asked if he’d still be risking life and limb when he’s old — even 100 — he confidently said, “I’m planning on it.”

Kimmel then ran down a list of over-the-top stunts, gauging which he would and wouldn’t do. That included parasailing over an erupting volcano, flying a jetpack through a tornado, jumping off one plane onto another, and going back in time to kill John Wilkes Booth before he assassinated Abraham Lincoln. All of those he would do (some with caveats).

The only ones he drew a line one were riding a shark like a cowboy (they wouldn’t like that, he safely assumed) and flying a plane blindfolded. He’d also ride in a plane piloted by noted plane-crasher Harrison Ford, saying, “I trust Harrison.”

You can watch Cruise’s Kimmel appearance in the video above.

(Via The Daily Beast)

PETA has decided to help Rihanna add to her closet after being spotted rocking a full-length genuine fur coat. The animal rights organization contacted the Fenty Beauty founder to offer her a “cruelty-free “alternative. PETA not only gifted the Barbadian-bred mogul with her very own faux-fur coat from Unreal fur but also an important message. In a letter obtained by TMZ, PETA’s senior vice president Lisa Lange pled to Rihanna, especially as a new mother, writing, “…You know what it’s like to feel protective and to want to make sure no harm comes to your family.”

She continued, “Please understand that this desire — this instinct even — is shared by the minks, foxes, and rabbits who are torn away from their families and killed for their fur.”

The organization has offered to take any of Rihanna’s fur clothes off her hands and donate them to survivors of the recent earthquakes in Syria and Turkey, according to the letter.

PETA then asks Rihanna, “Won’t you please help create a kinder world for your children to grow up in by deciding today that you’ll no longer wear fur?”

Rihanna and her team have yet to make a statement about the recent news, but it’ll be interesting to see if she makes the switch. The fashionista won a PETA award in 2020 for a limited edition faux fur capsule wardrobe for her FENTY fashion brand, so maybe there’s hope.

In a recent interview with the The Los Angeles Times, SZA got very candid about her meteoric rise from an alternative R&B star to a pop phenomenon. However, it was the TDE singer’s statement about her recent album, S.O.S., and the 2024 Grammys that stood out. SZA said she doesn’t want to speculate on her fate at next year’s award show for fear of manifesting herself as an outcome similar to this year’s award show where Beyoncé — who was nominated for record, song, and album of the year— failed to win any awards in the main categories that night.

“Beyoncé — she’s so much bigger than a[n] f*cking Grammy,” SZA said. “She’s Beyoncé! She’s done it for women, she’s done it for Black people, she’s done it for artists. She’s done so much for the world by just being herself.”

SZA also touched on the rampant misogyny running throughout the music industry. “I was tired and angry, ” she said. “I feel like men just pick on women so much in music, it’s corny. Women sell so much music! A lot of y’all that are talking down on women — we sell more records than you. We literally make more money.”

The singer also touched on the extreme misogyny that Megan The Stallion has experienced for nearly two years since being shot in the foot by Tory Lanez and the accompanying trial that followed.

“Why did we require so much from Megan to have empathy for her?” SZA said. “It was inhumane how it all went, with the bizarre level of scrutiny on her sex life. But justice was served. I hope that Megan’s somewhere healing.”

Jennifer Coolidge is more popular than she’s ever been now, and with good reason. She’s always been a welcome presence, but The White Lotus gave her the role she’s always deserved, albeit one she almost turned down. In fact, in an alternate timeline where the multiverse is real, there may be one where she popped up in Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.

In a new piece by The Hollywood Report (in a bit caught by The AV Club), credited Ant-Man 3 screenwriter Jeff Loveness revealed that at one point they were considering casting the Legally Blonde vet in a small role. She would have played Linda, a woman that Michael Douglas’ Hank Pym dated during the 30-year span when his wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) was trapped in the Quantum Realm.

“But Linda never made it, and Jennifer Coolidge, I don’t think she ever got a call,” Loveness said. He then joked,“We’ll save her for next time. I’m sure she’ll wind up in the MCU, sometime. She can be Doctor Doom.”

Coolidge, of course, probably doesn’t need Marvel. She’s doing just fine as she is. Sure enough, her White Lotus character, Tanya McQuoid, even inspired a legion of people dressed like her at Mardia Gras.

(Via THR and The AV Club)

Scott Adams, aka the guy who writes the Dilbert cartoons, has often expressed his kooky ideas. He even leaned Trumpward when the now-former president first eyed the White House. He turned on him late last year, but that didn’t mean an end to his bananas ideas. Indeed, on a recent episode of his daily YouTube show — which inexplicably average an hour in length — he went on a bizarre rant about Black people widely condemned as racist. Now his precious cartoon has been pulled from multiple newspapers.

As per Variety, Cleveland’s The Plain Dealer announced they were dropping the long-running office culture cartoon, which has been in print since 1989. They were not happy that Adams had called Black people a “hate group” and pleaded with white people to “get the f*ck away” from them.

“This is not a difficult decision,” wrote VP of content Chris Quinn. “We are not a home for those who espouse racism. We certainly do not want to provide them with financial support.” He continued, “Until we decide what to replace Dilbert with, you’ll likely see a gray box where it has been appearing.”

Quinn added that other newspapers owned by the same parent company, Advance Local, were dropping Adams’ strip as well, including papers in Michigan, New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Alabama, Massachusetts, and Oregon.

Adams’ rant came on Wednesday, when he cited a survey in which nearly half of Black Americans polled disagreed with the statement “It’s okay to be white.” Mind you, the phrase was once part of a trolling campaign that the Anti-Defamation League deemed a “hate symbol.” That didn’t stop Adams from a strange rant.

“Based on the current way things are going, the best advice I would give to white people is to get the hell away from Black people. Just get the f*ck away,” Adams declared. “Wherever you have to go, just get away. Because there’s no fixing this. This can’t be fixed. So I don’t think it makes any sense as a white citizen of America to try to help Black citizens anymore. It doesn’t make sense. There’s no longer a rational impulse. So I’m going to back off on being helpful to Black America because it doesn’t seem like it pays off.”

The very online Adams has since responded to the criticism on his Twitter account, writing cryptic things like “I rest my case” and joking, “I just learned Cleveland has a newspaper.”

(Via Variety)