You’ve probably heard the story before: Donald Trump claims someone, usually a big fan or someone who needs his help, ran up to him crying. He’s told this tale so many times it’s probably never happened. And he told it yet again last week during his sit-down with one of his angriest critics, Tucker Carlson. (Guess what? It’s probably bull.) Luckily Weekend Update pulled a Daily Show and cut together a montage of the many times he’s unleashed this probable whopper.
“Why is everyone in Donald Trump’s stories always crying?” asked bewildered co-anchor Colin Jost. He also called into question why someone would brag about constantly making people weep. “You’re bragging that when people see you they just burst into tears? It never sounds like excited crying like when teenagers see BTS. It sounds more like scared crying like when hostages see Jigsaw.”
This week’s segment also touched on Jack Teixeira, the Air National Guardsman arrested for leaking Pentagon secrets. Teixeira is 21 but he looks so young that Jost said he assumed he was playing a Guardsman “in a school play.” He also talked about the Discord group where Teixeira allegedly dropped the secrets, which he described as a place “where young men can play war-themed video games, bond over their love of guns, and post racist memes.” He then lamented, “And now it’s ruined.”
Co-anchor Michael Che, meanwhile, discussed such matters as NYC’s first-ever “rat czar,” which he joked “was a title formerly known as Miss Staten Island,” drawing gasps.
You can watch the latest Weekend Update in the videos above and below.