Detective Rudy is on the case.
On Tuesday, a jury ruled that Donald Trump must pay $5 million in damages to E. Jean Carroll for sexually abusing her in the 1990s and then defaming her by calling the allegations “a Hoax and a lie.” Rudy Giuliani hopped on Newsmax to discuss the verdict later that evening, but not before sending one of his underlings to Bergdorf Goodman, where the incident took place, to do some research.
“I think it’s a blip, and I think it’s completely absurd. You know, today I sent Ted, my colleague over to Bergdorf. Do you know there hasn’t been a rape in Bergdorf dressing room in 32 years?” the “freak show” attorney asked Greg Kelly.
Kelly, who is no stranger to utter weirdness, looked befuddled by this remark. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,” he said, sounding confused. “What do you mean by that? 1990, wait, 32 years ago was 1991.” Giuliani replied, “Yeah. We went and interviewed the people at Bergdorf and asked them, has there ever been a rape here? And they said, ‘No, there’s never been a rape here. I’ve been working here for 32 years.’” In the best journalism in Newsmax history, Kelly asked, “Did Ted just — I mean, look, I know that this did not happen, but did Ted just ask some guy who was standing there? I mean, how did you…”
Here’s how Rudy replied:
“No. No. No. Please, we asked the employees has there ever been a rape here? ‘No.’ We went and looked at the dressing room. To do a rape in Bergdorf is like doing it in the open. You might as well do it in the open. It’s totally ridiculous to think that a man like Trump, who was very well known, the minute he walks into Bergdorf, everybody’s all over him. It’s totally ridiculous to think that this rape took place.”
So, there you go. It never happened because some guy named Ted accosted a random Bergdorf Goodman employee. Another brilliant legal strategy from America’s Mayor.
(Via Mediaite)