Month: May 2023

Following the conviction of four members of the Proud Boys for seditious conspiracy based on their actions leading up to and during the January 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol building, Donald Trump has already lashed out on Truth Social not even 24 hours after the verdict.

The former president is under significant scrutiny over the insurrection that occurred following his “Stop The Steal” rally, but that didn’t stop him from praising the men who were found guilty of attempting to overthrow the government by force. Then again, restraint has never been Trump’s strong suit.

“Back in the USA, but sadly I see so many really bad things happening to our Country,” Trump wrote following his recent trip to Scotland. “The DOJ and FBI are destroying the lives of so many Great American Patriots, right before our very eyes. The Court System is a RUBBER STAMP for their conviction and imprisonment. All this while the Radical Left protects and coddles extremists and murderers at a level, and with intensity, never seen before. GET SMART AMERICA, THEY ARE COMING AFTER YOU!!!”

What Trump left out of his rant is the fact that the Proud Boys were convicted by a jury that was quick to reach a decision thanks to a significant amount of online messages leading up to the attack.

“It was all the chatter,” a juror explained to Vice. “All the chats. Parler, Telegram… those Telegram text messages back and forth. Not just the chats, but also the private texts. I think that was what it boiled down to. What they had to say prior to Jan. 6 and the fact that they wanted to do so much in secret.”

(Via Donald Trump on Truth Social)

Emo legends American Football have been immortalized through their meme-ified “Never Meant” guitar riff and the famous artwork for their iconic self-titled album.

If you don’t know the album artwork, it’s a photograph of a house — a recurring image in emo, perhaps to symbolize the inherent intimacy and nostalgia of the genre — in Illinois. Many fans have traveled to take pictures with it, though there’s nothing physically remarkable about it otherwise. However, the band took to Twitter today to share that they heard it was going to be sold. They teamed up with their label Polyvinyl and others to buy the house.

They shared a statement about the purchase, so check that out below.

“Last fall we received word that 704 W High Street in Urbana might be sold soon. Shortly thereafter American Football, Polyvinyl, Chris Strong, Atiba Jefferson, and Open House Contemporary made a pact: we’d all buy the house together before developers could demolish it and build a condo.

Today, with sincere joy, we are excited to share that we have collectively purchased The American Football House in an effort to preserve its place and legacy within the community that built it.

Here’s to keeping this landmark alive for many more years to come.”

Quite literally, the band (Blink-182) is back together: Tom DeLonge, Mark Hoppus, and Travis Barker reunited at Coachella for a glorious reminder of their lasting impact on rock music. However, the music festival was just the tip of the iceberg. Following a delay due to Barker’s finger injury, which required surgery, last night (May 4), the group finally kicked off their monumental world tour in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Given the fact that it’s been nearly a decade since their last performance before Coachella, and with the group’s fluctuation, fans were curious as to which songs would make Blink-182’s set of songs for the world tour. Thanks to Setlist.fm, concertgoers now have a better idea of what they can expect when the band heads to the city nearest them. Several fan-favorite songs, including “Adam’s Song,” “Ghost On The Dancefloor,” and “Up All Night,” reentered their setlist, while songs like “Cynical” and “Bored To Death” were first-time live performances with DeLonge.

View the full setlist and remaining tour dates below.

1. “Anthem Part Two”
2. “The Rock Show”
3. “Family Reunion”
4. “Man Overboard”
5. “Feeling This”
6. “Reckless Abandon”
7. “Dysentery Gary”
8. “Up All Night”
9. “Dumpweed”
10. “Edging”
11. “Aliens Exist”
12. “Cynical”
13. “Don’t Leave Me”
14. “Happy Holidays, You Bastard”
15. “Stay Together For The Kids”
16. “Always”
17. “Down”
18. “Bored To Death”
19. “I Miss You”
20. “Adam’s Song”
21. “Ghost On The Dancefloor”
22. “What’s My Age Again?”
23. “First Date”
24. “All The Small Things”
25. “Dammit”

05/04/2023 — St. Paul, MN @ Xcel Energy Center *
05/06/2023 — Chicago, IL @ United Center *
05/07/2023 — Chicago, IL @ United Center *
05/09/2023 — Detroit, MI @ Little Caesars Arena *
05/11/2023 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena *
05/12/2023 — Montreal, QC @ Bell Centre *
05/15/2023 — Toronto, ON @ Scotiabank Arena *
05/16/2023 — Cleveland, OH @ Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse *
05/17/2023 — Pittsburgh, PA @ PPG Paints Arena *
05/19/2023 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden *
05/20/2023 — Belmont Park, NY @ UBS Arena *
05/21/2023 — Boston, MA @ TD Garden *
05/23/2023 — Washington, DC @ Capital One Arena *
05/24/2023 — Brooklyn, NY @ Barclays Center *
05/26/2023 — Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Arena *
05/27/2023 — Hershey, PA @ Hersheypark Stadium *
05/28/2023 — Atlantic City, NJ @ Adjacent Festival
06/14/2023 — Phoenix, AZ @ Footprint Center *
06/16/2023 — Los Angeles, CA @ Banc of California Stadium *
06/17/2023 — Los Angeles, CA @ Banc of California Stadium *
06/19/2023 — San Diego, CA @ Pechanga Arena *
06/20/2023 — San Diego, CA @ Pechanga Arena *
06/22/2023 — San Jose, CA @ SAP Center *
06/23/2023 — Sacramento, CA @ Golden 1 Center *
06/25/2023 — Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena *
06/27/2023 — Vancouver, BC @ Rogers Arena *
06/29/2023 — Edmonton, AB @ Rogers Place *
06/30/2023 — Calgary, AB @ Scotiabank Saddledome *
07/03/2023 — Denver, CO @ Ball Arena *
07/05/2023 — Dallas, TX @ American Airlines Center *
07/07/2023 — Austin, TX @ Moody Center *
07/08/2023 — Houston, TX @ Toyota Center *
07/10/2023 — Tampa, FL @ Amalie Arena *
07/11/2023 — Ft. Lauderdale, FL @ FLA Live Arena *
07/13/2023 — Atlanta, GA @ State Farm Arena *
07/14/2023 — Charlotte, NC @ Spectrum Center *
07/16/2023 — Nashville, TN @ Bridgestone Arena *
09/01/2023 — Glasgow, UK @ OVO Hydro ^
09/02/2023 — Glasgow, UK @ OVO Hydro ^
09/04/2023 — Belfast, UK @ SSE Arena ^
09/05/2023 — Dublin, IE @ 3Arena ^
09/08/2023 — Antwerp, BE @ Sportpaleis ^
09/09/2023 — Cologne, DE @ Lanxess Arena ^
09/12/2023 — Copenhagen, DK @ Royal Arena ^
09/13/2023 — Stockholm, SE @ Avicii Arena ^
09/14/2023 — Oslo, NO @ Spektrum ^
09/16/2023 — Berlin, DE @ Mercedes-Benz Arena ^
09/17/2023 — Hamburg, DE @ Barclays Arena ^
09/19/2023 — Prague, CZ @ O2 Arena ^
09/20/2023 — Vienna, AT @ Stadthalle ^
10/02/2023 — Lisbon, PT @ Altice Arena ^
10/03/2023 — Madrid, ES @ Wizink Centre ^
10/04/2023 — Barcelona, ES @ Palau Sant Jordi ^
10/06/2023 — Bologna, IT @ Unipol Arena ^
10/08/2023 — Amsterdam, NL @ Ziggo Dome ^
10/09/2023 — Paris, FR @ Accor Arena ^
10/11/2023 — London, UK @ The O2 ^
10/12/2023 — London, UK @ The O2 ^
10/14/2023 — Birmingham, UK @ Utilita Arena ^
10/15/2023 — Manchester, UK @ AO Arena ^
10/21/2023 — Las Vegas, NV @ When We Were Young Festival
10/22/2023 — Las Vegas, NV @ When We Were Young Festival
02/06/2024 — Perth, AU @ RAC Arena !
02/09/2024 — Perth, AU @ RAC Arena !
02/11/2024 — Adelaide, AU @ Entertainment Centre!
02/13/2024 — Melbourne, AU @ Rod Laver Arena !
02/14/2024 — Melbourne, AU @ Rod Laver Arena !
02/16/2024 — Sydney, AU @ Qudos Bank Arena !
02/17/2024 — Sydney, AU @ Qudos Bank Arena !
02/19/2024 — Brisbane, AU @ Entertainment Centre !
02/20/2024 — Brisbane, AU @ Entertainment Centre !
02/21/2024 — Brisbane, AU @ Entertainment Centre !
02/23/2024 — Auckland, NZ @ Spark Arena !
02/24/2024 — Auckland, NZ @ Spark Arena !
02/26/2024 — Christchurch, NZ @ Christchurch Arena !
02/27/2024 — Christchurch, NZ @ Christchurch Arena !
03/01/2024 — Auckland, NZ @ Spark Arena !
03/04/2024 — Christchurch, NZ @ Christchurch Arena !

* with Turnstile
^ with The Story So Far
! with Rise Against

Blink-182 is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

Whoever had the idea to give Cam’ron and Mase a sports talk show deserves a massive raise, but they also have a problem on their hands. On one hand, the show works because of the hosts’ tendencies to spiral into chaotic side discussions that make use of their charismatic, Harlem-bred personalities. On the other, sometimes they need to be reined in to keep them from veering into problematic territory — but doing so would stifle their capacity for creating viral moments like this one.

Make no mistake; this is very borderline problematic. In the latest episode of It Is What It Is, Cam basically blames Jordan Poole’s poor performance in Game 2 of the NBA Playoffs on a woman, Ice Spice — specifically, on Jordan Poole supposedly spending half a million dollars taking Ice Spice out (how?!???). But then, Mase calls Jordan Poole a “Munch” (from Ice’s breakout single and also the unofficial nickname for her loyal fans) and the whole thing becomes very funny.

“You’re a Munch, and you’re playing like a f*ckin’ Munch!” Cam declares. “This is not you from last year, bro. Go back to Milwaukee and figure it the f*ck out.” Cam explains why he’s so mad at Poole; after having the streaky shooter’s back for years, he feels let down by Poole’s questionable decision-making throughout the playoffs. However, there’s no evidence that Poole even knows Isis (Ice Spice’s real name), and the rumors come from notoriously unreliable gossip sites like Media Takeout.

Also, for what it’s worth,

It’s almost time for the Greatest Two Minutes in Sports. And unless you’re amongst the lucky few attending, you’ll probably be watching (and betting) from home or a party somewhere else. That means that you’ll need an iconic and official Derby cocktail in your hand leading up to those iconic two minutes. This year, you should be pouring the Woodford Derby, which just so happens to be the official cocktail (highball, really) of Derby 149.

The best part of this whole thing, this drink is super easy to make. It’s a simple highball concoction that you build in the cup. No stirring or shaking is required. Just some slight measuring skills and you’re all set. Moreover, this is a super refreshing drink that’ll be sure to carry over from the Derby and into your summer rotation.

Let’s get into it!

• It’s A Great Weekend For A Bourbon Old Fashioned — Here’s Our Recipe
• The Fall Old Fashioned Is The Perfect Weekend Sipper — Here’s Our Recipe
• This Smoky Negroni Variation Is The Perfect Backyard BBQ Sipper — Here’s Our Recipe
• The Wisconsin Old Fashioned Is Wildly Unique And Perfect For August
• The Revolver Is The Perfect Midwinter Cocktail — Here’s Our Recipe

Woodford Spire

Ingredients:

• 1.5 oz. Woodford Reserve Bourbon
• 2 oz. fresh lemonade
• 1 oz. cranberry juice
• Ice
• Lemon peel for garnish

This is all pretty straightforward stuff. Woodford Reserve Bourbon is available nationwide pretty much everywhere booze is sold. The rest is easily found at any grocery store.

What You’ll Need:

• Julep mug or rocks glass (a stemless wine glass works too)
• Jigger
• Fruit peeler
• Straw

Method:

• Fill the cup with ice and then add in the bourbon, lemonade, and cranberry juice.
• Drop in a straw and stir once.
• Express the lemon oils over the drink and drop in the peel. Serve.

Bottom Line:

This is a fruity and bourbon-y delight. The lemonade adds a nice twang to the affair with the cranberry bringing in a nice layer of sweetness and tartness. The bourbon gets super creamy and vanilla-forward with a nice hint of oakiness and caramel underlying the fruity sweetness.

Overall, this took about 10 seconds to make. It’s super-duper refreshing (it almost went down too easily). And it feels like the perfect accompaniment to watching horses run as fast as they can for two minutes at a time on a nice sunny day. Seriously though, you’ll be drinking these all summer after just one sip.

It should come as no surprise that rap veteran Fat Joe thinks “the major label system is a Ponzi scheme.” Over the course of hip-hop’s 50-year history, rappers have often shared their grievances with record labels and the people who conduct the business of marketing — but not making — music for the masses.

Q-Tip of A Tribe Called Quest coined “Industry Rule #4080” way back in 1991, and since then, everyone from Chance The Rapper to Megan Thee Stallion has spoken out against the current system. Russ said record labels would become “obsolete” while Meek Mill questioned their accounting practices, while Kanye West once attempted to make details of his deal public.

So, when Fat Joe appeared at the Wall Street Journal‘s The Future Of Everything Festival on Thursday, May 4, and used his platform to blast the recording industry as it’s currently constituted, his arguments came from a long list of complaints filed by a continuum of artists in the hip-hop space.

“I don’t believe in these people,” he said, according to HipHopDX. “For one, I feel like the major label system is a Ponzi scheme and they do funny math. Whenever you try to see something in life, they say numbers don’t lie. If you look at a chart and the numbers are so clear where you could say, ‘The price of this is this, the price of this is this.’ And then when you look at a chart and they say ‘62.1 percent, 1.2…’ it’s funny math. And so we never understood, we never recouped, you know, you had to be like the Fugees who sold 30 million records to make a dollar.”

To back up his claim, he recounted an instance in which even Jennifer Lopez, who he said is “a megastar” complained to him that her records “never recoup” — which means to earn back the initial advance payment a label gives an artist to complete an album.

Of course, there’s a lot of ego involved as well; Joe recalled being disturbed by having a poster of him at the Atlantic office replaced by one of T.I. after T.I.’s album outsold his, which… shouldn’t be surprising, all things considered. But rappers, who often don’t come from a business background, are always going butt heads with the folks whose jobs involve strategizing to ensure their music actually does well in the marketplace.

After all, thousands of new songs and albums are being uploaded daily and the average listener is only going to ever be aware of a fraction of a fraction of them. But when you think you’re the best, you kind of take it for granted that everyone will check for you, without ever being able to justify why. That’s hip-hop, and you’ve gotta respect it. Still, he’s got a point about how the splits work out, and there’s probably a better way to run this industry. Unfortunately, there’s little incentive to change it now.

For the past decade, Rebecca Ferguson has been building a body of work that is, quite literally, out of this world. She played a Machiavellian-like member of the Bene Gesserit in Denis Villeneuve’s sprawling space opera, Dune. She served as the mysterious femme fatale tormenting Hugh Jackman in the dystopian drama, Reminiscence. She’s bested and bailed out Ethan Hunt as the elusive, conflicted spy Ilsa Faust in a few Mission Impossibles. She’s been a psychic cult leader, an intergalactic arms dealer, and an astronaut in a losing battle with a homicidal extraterrestrial organism.

In her latest role, the Swedish actress plays a rebellious mechanic working to uncover a conspiracy within the closed-off ecosystem of a place simply known as “the silo” where society is sectioned off into levels. Those at the top enjoy power, wealth, and the privileges those bring while those in the down deep scrape to get by. The Apple TV+ show, which borrows its name from that futuristic, underground bunker, is based on a post-apocalyptic fiction series penned by author Hugh Howey and brought to TV courtesy of Justified’s Graham Yost. It’s yet another entry in Ferguson’s sci-fi repertoire. I mention that, asking if the “queen of sci-fi” feels like an apt title for her at the moment.

“Can we just say queen, full stop?” she jokes. “Rebecca, you are the queen.”

Fair enough. She’s been that too, in the 2013 British historical drama The White Queen on Starz. That series marks the last time Ferguson played a lead character on TV and her experience with Silo couldn’t be more different.

UPROXX chatted with the star about taking on an executive producer role this time around, why she almost said no to the show, and keeping up with Tom Cruise.

There’s so much action that builds as the series goes on. You’re running, you’re fighting, you’re scaling walls. Has Tom Cruise rubbed off on you a bit?

I know. Kind of, I guess. It’s written in the books. There needs to be a bit of running. So I do the running. I just happen to be good at running and I enjoy it. I mean, I’m not Tom Cruise.

When you were doing promo for Dune, you got asked about the “strong female character” stereotype quite a bit. You talked about analyzing what strength is, and what makes a character strong. Do you have an answer to that question?

I’ve never investigated what a strong female character is. I think I question when journalists quite lazily say that I play strong female characters because they can’t find other words to describe what it is to be a cool female.

To answer your question, on my own terms, I would say I like finding cracks and flaws and I like seeing reasons. I like seeing the aftermath of a situation unfold. There’s something that happens. We make decisions, we use our voices, and what is the repercussion of those decisions and how does it affect people around us? Accepting vulnerability and strength and flaws, it’s what makes us human and that can easily be seen as strong. But I think we throw around the word ‘strong’ because we want to make equality between men and women because that’s how we see men. And I think what I’m saying is that is not how I identify. I don’t identify as strong. I speak my mind, I listen, I learn, and I want my characters to do the same.

Your character starts as a rebel and as she moves up through the silo, she becomes something else. How did you mirror that evolution on screen?

For me, there wasn’t much to create. It was on the page and it’s what I fell in love with. It’s the fact that we have someone who has been so lost and left vulnerable, and people have died. Instead of having therapy, like a lot of us have, they don’t have the option. You sediment it, you lock it in and she becomes very good at one thing, nearly Autistically so. She has a tool and she can fix a machine, and one plus one is fucking two. Right? And then gradually she’s put in a situation where her anger forces her to look for the truth because people are lying about a cause that suits her, her love for someone.

Throughout searching for the truth of this lie comes new truths and revelations that change her perception. She has to battle her own demons and she has to become something else. And throughout that, we have her stop at junctions and think, ‘I don’t want to go forward. I want to go back to my tool room and I want to hold my tool and I want to hit something hard.’

Relatable.

It’s much easier.

There’s a theme that runs through this season on truth: what is the truth, who decides it, and who benefits from covering it up. Did you notice real-world parallels to that while filming?

Of course, there are. And there would be because it’s written by a thinking man. Hugh (Howey), we were having lunch just now, and he said, ‘I wrote the books because I felt like it’s a controlled society out there, and the only way for this little group of people to see it is through the eyes of a screen. And you have to start questioning the screen you’re seeing it through.’ So obviously, his entire thinking is based on the comparison to the society he feels he’s living in. That’s why science fiction and futuristic things are so interesting.

Is that why you’re drawn to the genre?

I don’t know if I go for sci-fi. It comes to me. I think maybe the world intrigues me because it’s an endless pit of imagination. Someone asked me what my favorite story was as a little child; it was Alice in Wonderland, it was Alice Through the Looking Glass, and it was The Secret Garden. It was all of these imaginative worlds where I was small, where I [didn’t mean] much in this bigger world.

How did you find not only coming back to TV but taking on executive producing a title for the first time?

It was not too bad, to be honest, because I had opinions and thoughts in the [initial] meeting with Graham. It wasn’t a given role. I didn’t say yes straight away. There were a couple of things I wasn’t sure about and I kind of left. I said no, and then they came back and said, ‘Why did you say no?’ And I said, ‘I said no, because of this and this and this.’ And they came back and changed it. I saw how communicative they were and collaborative they were. They thought that my ideas were good and they made sense and worlds kind of merged. And then they said, ‘What about being an executive producer? Would you want that?’ I kind of googled it whilst we were talking. I was like, ‘What does an executive producer do on television compared to film?’

I was like, ‘I don’t want money. I don’t want people to complain to me. I just want to be a part of the creativeness.’ I had the power to create a really good feeling set in the sense that I was free to give people space. I have the power to say, ‘Wait, what do you feel? What are you not happy with? Do you feel prepared?’ It was a wonderful feeling to give that to other people because I know I want it.

What level of the silo would Rebecca Ferguson feel most comfortable in?

There’s literally just one level and it’s the down deep. I like the gritty. I like the real, I like the relationships. I like the fact that people get pissed off and I like the feeling of a wrench throwing, and I like the guttural emotion of reality. And I feel like the further up you come, the more complacent you become. The further up you get, the more you kind of just follow the rules and the more you stick to the frames.

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – We must protect her

Things are not going too great for anyone on Succession right now, as we zoom toward the conclusion of the series. Kendall Roy is manic and spiraling and stretching numbers out so thin you can see through them. Roman is kind of just firing people a lot. Shiv is crying alone in an office and holding a lot of alcoholic drinks for a person who, last time we checked, is zeroing in on her third trimester of pregnancy. And mostly, if I’m being real about it all, it’s fine. None of these dopes are super sympathetic. They’re all billionaire nepo babies who are high-ranking figures of an evil business conglomerate that stands for pretty much everything I stand against. The fact that I feel any sympathy for them at all is basically Stockholm Syndrome setting in after three-plus seasons. Even my beloved Karl is a black-hearted corporate snake, deep-down. The season finale could be every character on this show getting rounded up and herded onto a chunk of ice and shoved out to sea and it would be fine. It really would.

Actually, wait. No. There is one character we need to save from this frigid death at sea: Jess Jordan, Kendall’s poor assistant, who pops up every now and then looking almost exactly as exhausted as any human would look after another day serving at the whims of the world’s wealthiest sad little boy. Here she is on a tarmac looking more relatable than anyone on this show has ever looked.

Here she, in heels and business attire, tending to a rabbit, which is almost definitely not something she expected to be doing when she landed a job working closely with the top-level executives at one of the largest corporations in the world.

Here she is playing messenger between family members who are so broken and bitter that they can only communicate through a flustered and overworked person on the company payroll, one who probably has a degree in business and thought this would be a good learning experience and is now stuck playing babysitter to spoiled failsons.

Here she is looking at a literal Trojan Horse that showed up in an elevator and asking if they should pop it open, which is somehow both a normal thing that happened on this show and a blast to picture her explaining to some old college friends over drinks one night.

Look at her face in all of these. Look at her face every time she’s on screen. It’s become maybe my favorite part of the whole show. She’s almost definitely my favorite character, or at least the one I root for most, especially now that my sweet boy Cousin Greg is turning into a goon. I want to get her out of this snake pit. I do not care what happens to anyone else on this show. But I need Jess Jordan to be okay. It is my one request in all of this.

Hmm. That’s not true. I have two requests, although this second one is kind of tied into the first one. I am sure Jess Jordan has signed many ironclad confidentiality forms and NDAs written by many high-priced lawyers who are somehow less sympathetic as humans than the other monsters who litter this fantastic little show, but I want her to write a tell-all. Just spill all the dirt on the Roy family in book form and promote it on primetime in an interview with Oprah. Full national scandal about it. Millions flooding into her bank account as the family battles a devastating and deserved public relations catastrophe. I would like that.

Do take a second to think about this, though, for real. Think of all the things we’ve seen these people do and all the rooms these things have happened in where Jess Jordan was just standing silent in the background. Jess Jordan has seen things. Jess Jordan knows things. It would be fine with me if the entire series finale is a six-month flash-forward that just follows Jess Jordan prepping for that hypothetical Oprah interview and ignoring panicked phone calls from Kendall. I would enjoy that a lot. I think Jess Jordan would, too. This is the face of a woman who has some things to get off of her chest.

LET JESS JORDAN THRIVE

MAKE THE LAST SHOT OF THE ENTIRE SERIES HER RIDING OFF INTO THE SUNSET IN A SPEEDBOAT

DO THE OPRAH INTERVIEW

PLEASE

FOR ME

THANK YOU

ITEM NUMBER TWO – If we are gonna do this again, I mean…

Welllllllll there’s another writers’ strike happening in Hollywood. There are lots of issues at play this time around, some of them having to do with a zillion shows running on a zillion streaming services in ways that no one really foresaw — or could have — the last time a contract was hammered out and some of them having to do with the potential of AI-generated scripts and some of them having to do with… other stuff. It’s a lot. I recommend you go read about it a little this weekend, preferably not from a guy who is planning to end his 3000-word Friday column with some jokes about Fruit Roll-ups. Yes, that is coming. Yes, I feel okay about it.

The last time we did all of this was back in 2007 and things got… weird. Then, like today, the first productions affected were the late-night shows that churn out new episodes every day. Unlike today, however, Conan was on television back then. Which was good. Because Conan is the kind of guy who can turn “a man spinning his wedding ring on his desk” into compelling television. That’s the video of it up there. Watch it now and remember what a freaking natural that dude is.

Conan went back to his show in large part because he’s a performer and the boss and he wanted to save as many of the other staffers on the show from losing their primary source of income (camera operators, sound guys, etc.), but he also made sure to stake his claim as one of television’s all-time good dudes. From a report in Deadline way back when.

I just learned that Conan O’Brien has made arrangements to pay his staff who will be laid off by NBC as of Friday. About 80 production people — like talent bookers, producers, production assistants — will be taken care of by the Late Night host who is supposed to move to The Tonight Show in 2009. Sources tell me this is on a week-to-week basis for the moment until or if Conan, who’s a WGA member and got his start as a comedy writer, goes back to work. Obviously, NBC is dying for him to return to the air because its late night ratings for the repeats have tanked. None of the late night shows have been in production during the entire November sweeps and the networks have to give sponsors free spots or “give backs” at a cost of millions.

Sooooooo… a couple things here. The first is, wow, what an absolute time capsule that paragraph is. It’s from back when Deadline — now a major industry publication — was mostly just one lady typing into a box. And it mentions Conan taking over The Tonight Show in 2009, which, uh, yeah. I actually winced a little when I read that again. We were all so young and naive back then. Conan, too. But the main takeaway here, I think, is that Conan was really just one of one as a host and dude, especially when he was at his peak. Like he was when he was spinning that ring. And like he was… here.

I don’t know if any of our current late-night hosts have this level of chaotic energy, the kind to not just think of this stuff but actually follow through and do it on television. I guess we’ll find out. Things are going to get pretty weird, and it’s going to start happening pretty soon.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – Legitimately one of the best shows on television

The basketball playoffs are happening and my beloved Philadelphia 76ers are still alive and that means I am watching a lot of TNT at night right now. And that means I am watching a lot of the NBA on TNT guys being goofballs. And that’s always a lot of fun. This clip is exactly what the description in the tweet says it is and I must insist you stop and watch it now whether you have seen it or not. The greatest comedic minds in America could not come up with something that makes me laugh harder than this. As hard? Maybe. But not harder.

They’ve been doing it for so long that I worry we take it for granted sometimes. Please do not do this. Cherish it. Take a spin online and watch some of the highlights they’ve produced over the years. Charles Barkley running his mouth, Shaq being Shaq, Kenny Smith egging them both on, Ernie holding it all together by his fingernails. Just a perfect piece of television.

Our sports guys — hi Bill and Robby! — put together a top ten list of the crew’s best moments, which you should definitely spin through. And they also included this helpful summation of why it’s all so great.

It has become the studio show all others try to emulate, but the magic of Inside is there’s not really a formula to follow. The combination of insight and fun is difficult to replicate, as is the freedom they’re given to go long with a conversation or just get really weird compared to other networks. It’s so natural compared to other shows that are clearly trying to hit their beats, and their comfort with each other is never more apparent than when they go off the rails and start making jokes, typically at each other’s expense.

This is correct. And it gives me another excuse to post the video where Shaq implies California might be further away from their Atlanta studio than the moon. I must insist you watch this one again, too.

I honestly do not think I have looked up into the sky at the moon a single time since watching this clip without stopping and thinking “I can see the moon… I can’t see California.” I will probably think that every time I look at the moon for the rest of my life. I want Shaq to start a podcast where he interviews scientists three at a time to tell them other theories he has. I am not joking about any of this.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Aubrey Plaza had a good time at the Met Gala

The Met Gala happened this week. It’s a big deal for fashion types and celebrities, many of whom get dressed up in fancy outfits that cost more than your car. Here ends my analysis of the Met Gala, in large part because I am typing this while wearing pajama pants at 4pm on a weekday and I do not see how anyone could be less qualified to discuss high fashion.

Two important things did happen at this event, though, at least as far as I was concerned:

• Jared Leto came dressed as a cat
• Aubrey Plaza appeared to have a blast

The first thing is true and you can go look it up or click here to see… whatever he was doing. The second thing is more fun, though. Look at her in that picture up there. Look at her hamming it up in this one down here.

This is exactly the right attitude to bring to an event like this. She’s basically cosplaying as her Janet Snakehole alter-ego from Parks and Recreation, but in real life, at one of the most self-important events on the celebrity calendar. Just being a huge goof, not taking any of it seriously, which probably annoyed the people who take it too seriously, which is great. Good for Aubrey Plaza, man. She’s a demonic little chaos agent and she terrifies me deeply and I am so happy someone invited her to the fancy party.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – The hottest trend in television is scheduling time to cry

This week on Succession, after a meeting, Shiv Roy, played by Sarah Snook, snuck off into an empty room and sat down at the table and started crying. Moments later, two other people opened the door and walked in, thinking it was unoccupied. They saw her sitting there with tears running down her face and asked what was wrong, and she replied by saying this.

And I saw this happen and had two thoughts, pretty much immediately. The first was that, man, that seems really sad, the idea of being so busy and fried that you schedule time to grieve and unwind alone in a room while you’re at work. The second thing was that this seemed really familiar.

But the episode was still moving and I knew I had to write about it so I pressed on and filed that second thing away. For a few hours. And I forgot about it. But then, later that night, pretty much out of nowhere, the reason why it seemed so familiar came screaming into my brain like a hawk dive-bombing at some doomed rodent…

This exact thing had just happened a few weeks ago on Ted Lasso. On that show, it was Keeley who was scheduling time to cry at work, also because she was too busy to do it any other time. I have made screencaps of this, too.

This is really funny. Succession, the razor-sharp media/politics satire that can teeter into being mean in a delicious way, did the same bit as Ted Lasso, the sweet soccer show about nice people just trying to make things work. You could not find two much more different shows, at least in terms of style and tone, and yet they both landed on the same idea in the same year. It probably says a lot about the state of the world in 2023 that multiple shows are doing “scheduling time to cry at work” bits for their main female characters. It’s also probably best if we don’t stop and think about it too much, at least not on a Friday. So… let’s move on!

My favorite thing about this is the mental image I have right now of the first episode of Ted Lasso dropping this season and someone running into the Succession writers’ room like, “Guys, you know that scene we just shot the other day? The one where Shiv schedules time to cry at work? Well, look at this…” and then showed them Keeley doing it and everyone groaning and swearing and trying to figure out if they could leave it in.

I like to think there was at least one guy in there like “eh, it’ll be fine, the shows are so different I doubt anyone is a fan of both and will pick it up…”

JOKE’S ON YOU, BUDDY.

I SPOTTED IT.

MAYBE GO CRY IN AN OFFICE ABOUT IT.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at [email protected] (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Chris:

Brian, quick thing.

I think I discovered a hack for great fake names: pretty much any make and model of car or truck.

Chevy Colorado
Pontiac Sunfire
Cadillac Seville
Lamborghini Countach
Ford Expedition
Geo Storm
El Camino
Etc.

Go Birds!

Hmm.

Hmmmmmm.

Some of these work better than others. Geo Storm sounds like he would be a second baseman for the Seattle Mariners in 1994. Cadillac Seville absolutely has a toothpick in his mouth at all times, even in the shower. Pontiac Sunfire played an acoustic set on a side stage at Coachella that a bunch of very stoned people enjoyed very much.

Detective Dodge Caravan smelled the smoke and growled at the hippies.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To Israel:

At least two American couples have been caught by Israeli customs for attempting to smuggle a total of more than 650 pounds (295 kilograms) of Fruit Roll-Ups into Israel, as the country experiences a dire shortage of the snack due to a TikTok craze.

Read this sentence through a few times. Read it out loud. Read it to a stranger this weekend in your favorite coffee shop or lunch spot. It’s just a lovely little treat for the eyes and ears.

Why did he fill two checked bags with Fruit Roll-Ups? “It has something to do with ice cream,” the man’s voice says.

The man was almost certainly referring to a viral TikTok trend, ongoing since at least March, in which users of the video social network wrap the sweet, sticky roll-up around a small scoop of ice cream, which then freezes over and becomes hard and crunchy.

I like to picture some tough-as-nails 70-year-old Israeli man working at the security desk and having all of this explained to him as he sits there cracking his knuckles and grumbling about kids these days and what it was like when he grew up. Just surrounded by Fruit Roll-Ups and people trying to justify themselves by showing him videos on TikTok.

I love this man very much.

Around the country, supermarkets, convenience stores and online retailers have reportedly sold out of Fruit Roll-Ups, driving up the cost of the snack. According to Israeli press reports, enterprising merchants are selling individually wrapped Fruit Roll-Ups for prices exceeding $5 or $6 each. By comparison, a box of 10 Fruit Roll-Ups in the United States typically costs less than $3.

FIRST PRISONER: What are you in here for?

SECOND PRISONER: Firebombed a rival’s restaurant for encroaching on my turf. You?

FIRST PRISONER: Choked out my daughter’s dipshit boyfriend for putting his hands on her.

SECOND PRISONER: Good for you, buddy.

FIRST PRISONER: Hey, pal. You over there. What did you do to get in here?

THIRD PRISONER: [sitting in a dark corner, puffing a cigarette, clouded in tobacco smoke and mystery like Keyser Soze] Roll-ups.

SECOND PRISONER: What, like a gang thing? Like you rolled up on some guys who crossed you and bashed their heads in?

THIRD PRISONER: [flicks cigarette on ground, stomps it out] No. Fruit.

Doja Cat has embodied a cow in her viral song “MOOO!” and fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld’s blue-cream tortie Birman cat Choupette at the 2023 Met Gala, but now she’s looking to change it up. Designer duds weren’t the only thing the “Kill Bill” rapper left New York City with. In a series of images uploaded to the entertainer’s Instagram page, she shared an epic new bat skeleton tattoo that spans across the entirety of her back.

Last month, the musician set the internet ablaze after sharing a picture of her previous tattoo. Users called the singer “demonic” and declared the ink was proof that she was recruited into the secret society group, the Illuminati. Doja jumped on Twitter to address it, writing, “If ur calling me demonic, honestly werk cuz like I love that u ate fr.”

Then taking to Instagram to provide further context behind the tattoo, reference images that served as the inspiration behind the piece, captioned, “Your fear is not my problem.” In the images of 15th-century artist Fortunio Licenti, the hybrid figures spoke to the public’s perception of human physical deformities.

Even after the explanation, users weren’t sold on the musician’s creative liberties on her own body. Now, with her new bat tattoo, done by New York City-based artist Keith Scott “Bang Bang” McCurdy of Bang Bang Tattoo, many believe that it serves as further confirmation that she’s been indoctrinated. “Her soul is gone forever,” “sold her soul,” and “she’s literally telling us she’s has been initiated” were just a few of those opposed to the tattoos’ remarks.

On the other hand, fans chimed in on Doja Cat’s behalf in the comment section declaring her ‘Doja Bat.’ One wrote, “The fact that she has to post the symbolic meaning so people won’t accuse her of devil worship is wild,” referring to the gallery images posted with the bat emoji caption.

Another user wrote, “They better not run with this! The wild thing is they understand dark whimsical beauty cuz they all were just obsessed with ‘Wednesday Adams’ on Netflix, and it was not once called satanic or Illuminati. mainstream culture picks and choose who to go on witch-hunts after.”

“It’s just an anatomical bat tattoo. How do y’all really equate that with devil worship? Bc she trolls you and feeds into your delusion for fun? Gain some common sense,” wrote one fan.

It doesn’t seem to be a response to the war in her comment section; in her latest upload to the platform, Doja Cat shares a picture of her flipping off the paparazzi while she’s en route to the Met Gala.

A major international tournament is coming to men’s basketball this summer, as 32 teams will head to Asia to participate in the latest edition of the FIBA World Cup. It’s the first time the event has taken place since 2019, which saw Spain take home gold, Argentina finish in second place, and France come in third.

The first team to miss out on a medal was Australia, which lost to France in the bronze medal game. It was an impressive showing by the team, which went into the tournament with a number of high-profile players but did not have its most prominent Aussie in the NBA, as Ben Simmons, fresh off of a contract extension with the Philadelphia 76ers, opted to focus on the upcoming season.

A whole lot has happened with Simmons since then, as he’s now a member of the Brooklyn Nets and was limited to 42 games this year due to injuries. But apparently, Australia national team coach Brian Goorjian is optimistic that Simmons will join the national team this summer, which he expressed to SEN Radio.

Via ESPN:

“I think his (Ben’s) mindset is getting healthy, getting in shape and getting ready to play in this (World Cup),” Goorjian told SEN Radio.

“And I think he has been along that line for a while and I felt it last time.

“As we sit now, I think there is a really strong chance (that he plays at the World Cup).”

Simmons was unable to participate at the Summer Olympics in 2021, too, meaning he has never represented Australia in a high-profile senior international tournament. Despite Goorjian’s optimism, Simmons has yet to chime in on whether he’ll be able to join the team. During the 2022-23 NBA season, Simmons averaged 6.9 points, 6.3 rebounds, 6.1 assists, and 1.3 steals in 26.2 minutes per game for the Nets, and did not appear in any games after the All-Star break.

The 2023 FIBA World Cup will run from August 25 through September 10, with the Philippines, Japan, and Indonesia splitting hosting duties. Australia was drawn into a group with Finland, Germany, and Japan.