Month: June 2023

Back in 2020, Tucker Carlson‘s top writer Blake Neff resigned from Fox News after CNN Business uncovered a lengthy history of posting racist, sexist, and offensive comments on an online message board. The thread stretched back to 2018, and Neff was still posting racist remarks just days before he was outed in the report. After his resignation, Fox News sent out an internal memo condemning Neff and his “horrific racist, misogynistic and homophobic behavior.”

“Neff’s abhorrent conduct on this forum was never divulged to the show or the network until Friday, at which point we swiftly accepted his resignation,” Fox News CEO Suzanne Scott and President Jay Wallace wrote via CNN Business. “Make no mistake, actions such as his cannot and will not be tolerated at any time in any part of our work force.”

However, three years later, Neff has resurfaced. According to Media Matters for America, the disgraced Fox News writer now works for right-wing provocateur Charlie Kirk:

Neff appeared with Kirk on the first episode of THOUGHTCRIME, a new weekly panel show streamed live exclusively on Kirk’s Rumble channel that’s apparently co-hosted by Pizzagate conspiracy theorist Jack Posobiec. Kirk introduced Neff as “very high-IQ Blake,” saying, “And we’re really honored to have Blake on our team — he’s great. And the most, let’s just say, awful people in the world tried to destroy Blake’s life and we’re not going to let that happen.”

MMFA reports that Neff spent his time on the episode “repeatedly” using an “anti-trans slur” and parroting Matt Walsh talking points about Fox News promoting “glory holes” because it encouraged employees to take part in Pride events.

So, basically, Neff and his hateful rhetoric couldn’t be more at home.

(Via CNN Business, Media Matters for America)

An unhinged Donald Trump Jr. has been more off-the-hook than usual lately following his father’s (newest) criminal indictment. Most recently, Australians moved to bar him from the country after he got all twitchy and nose-scratchy while remaining unable to focus during a media appearance. Yep, the eldest boy is not handling the situation gracefully, but that’s only to be expected from he of the “Motel 6” rants and amped-up Fox News appearances.

So, would it be a surprise to learn that Don Jr. has thoughts on the OceanGate submersible and its five missing Titanic tourists? Sadly, it does look like late breaking word of a debris field could lead to inevitable news that the vessel imploded, which probably was in the cards after a previous passenger revealed that broken parts were held together by zip ties. So many safety concerns have emerged in the days following the submersible losing communication with its mother ship, but still, Don Jr. thinks it’s really, like, strange that this horribly constructed modern non-marvel would have failed, killing its passengers.

“Literally everything I’ve seen about this missing submarine is insane and sketchy AF…” Jr. tweeted. “[A]lmost none of it makes any sense whatsoever. How long till we find other external factors making it even more so???”

It’s not at all shocking to figure that Don Jr. would climb aboard the conspiracy theory train here. Heck, the QAnon crowd got all wrapped up in their fake conspiracy about the actual Titanic’s fate. Some of them even argue that the Titanic never sunk at all, and that the world has actually been obsessing about The Olympic ship (and not the Titanic). They’ve even gone so far during TikTok rants to accuse J.P. Morgan of plotting to sabotage the Titanic as part of his grand plans for the federal reserve.

It’s wild that anyone has the spare mental energy to devote to conspiracy theorizing, but here we are in 2023. Also, Don Jr. has been rambling about Hunter Biden’s laptop for years. He would probably love his followers to believe that someone engineered this vessel, which a former passenger called a “suicide mission” waiting to happen, to fail, so people wouldn’t pay attention to Hunter in court. Jr. has been endlessly incensed about Hunter’s so-called “sweetheart deal,” so he must be making incredible leaps in logic here by suggesting (really?) a “sketchy” connection to “external factors.”

And he’s still going, by the way.

However, it is worth noting that at least Don Jr. hasn’t gone the way of another right-winger to drop an equally absurd conspiracy theory — that OceanGate had a “woke CEO,” and thus, that the woke mob must have killed these passengers. Still, give Don Jr. some time. He might climb aboard that conspiracy theory as well. If he inherited the “stable genius” thing, maybe there’s more than enough room in Jr.’s head for both theories.

An unhinged Donald Trump Jr. has been more off-the-hook than usual lately following his father’s (newest) criminal indictment. Most recently, Australians moved to bar him from the country after he got all twitchy and nose-scratchy while remaining unable to focus during a media appearance. Yep, the eldest boy is not handling the situation gracefully, but that’s only to be expected from he of the “Motel 6” rants and amped-up Fox News appearances.

So, would it be a surprise to learn that Don Jr. has thoughts on the OceanGate submersible and its five missing Titanic tourists? Sadly, it does look like late breaking word of a debris field could lead to inevitable news that the vessel imploded, which probably was in the cards after a previous passenger revealed that broken parts were held together by zip ties. So many safety concerns have emerged in the days following the submersible losing communication with its mother ship, but still, Don Jr. thinks it’s really, like, strange that this horribly constructed modern non-marvel would have failed, killing its passengers.

“Literally everything I’ve seen about this missing submarine is insane and sketchy AF…” Jr. tweeted. “[A]lmost none of it makes any sense whatsoever. How long till we find other external factors making it even more so???”

It’s not at all shocking to figure that Don Jr. would climb aboard the conspiracy theory train here. Heck, the QAnon crowd got all wrapped up in their fake conspiracy about the actual Titanic’s fate. Some of them even argue that the Titanic never sunk at all, and that the world has actually been obsessing about The Olympic ship (and not the Titanic). They’ve even gone so far during TikTok rants to accuse J.P. Morgan of plotting to sabotage the Titanic as part of his grand plans for the federal reserve.

It’s wild that anyone has the spare mental energy to devote to conspiracy theorizing, but here we are in 2023. Also, Don Jr. has been rambling about Hunter Biden’s laptop for years. He would probably love his followers to believe that someone engineered this vessel, which a former passenger called a “suicide mission” waiting to happen, to fail, so people wouldn’t pay attention to Hunter in court. Jr. has been endlessly incensed about Hunter’s so-called “sweetheart deal,” so he must be making incredible leaps in logic here by suggesting (really?) a “sketchy” connection to “external factors.”

And he’s still going, by the way.

However, it is worth noting that at least Don Jr. hasn’t gone the way of another right-winger to drop an equally absurd conspiracy theory — that OceanGate had a “woke CEO,” and thus, that the woke mob must have killed these passengers. Still, give Don Jr. some time. He might climb aboard that conspiracy theory as well. If he inherited the “stable genius” thing, maybe there’s more than enough room in Jr.’s head for both theories.

Donald Trump’s rapid fall from grace has seen him go from the GOP’s number-one boy to the preferred punching bag of every of-the-moment Republican presidential candidate — and now Chris Christie’s taking a swing.

The former governor of New Jersey went on Fox News Wednesday morning to bash his one-time pal, dragging him for comments he made in a recent interview with Fox News correspondent Bret Baier. In that two-part sit-down, Trump claimed it wouldn’t “be fair” to him if he was expected to get up on stage and debate rivals whose polling numbers were drastically lower than his. “Why would I allow people at 1 or 2 percent to be hitting me with questions all night,” he asked Baier during their chat.

Well, Christie is one of those single-digit percenters and now he’s calling out Trump for being a yellow orange-bellied coward.

“Oh, it’s not fair. Poor Donald Trump,” Christie said, mocking the former president to host Brian Kilmeade. “The guy who says that he’s the toughest person to lead this country doesn’t want to get up in front of Republican primary voters and defend his record, and make a case for the future of America?”

Christie went on to explain his position, saying he believes every Republican primary voter deserves to see every candidate who qualifies up on stage being asked tough questions about how they intend to govern the country.

“He thinks he should just default to the nomination?” Christie asked. “I don’t think so.”

Personally, we’d love to see Christie, Trump, and the easily-triggered Governor Ron DeSantis go at it like 5 year-olds on the playground fighting over who gets to sit atop the Monkey Bars tower, but maybe that’s just us.

Watch the full clip below:

One of the major sticking points which caused the WGA strike and potential SAG strike is that writers and actors don’t want to be replaced by AI. Celebrities! They’re just like us! Unless you want to be replaced by a chat bot. Not gonna yuck your yum.

Now, thanks to his interview in Rolling Stone, we know where Samuel L. Jackson stands on the topic (and which phrases you should scratch out of any contract). Unsurprisingly, he’s been anti-image-exploitation since the jump.

“People just started worrying about that?” Jackson said. “I asked about that a long time ago. The first time I got scanned for George Lucas [for The Phantom Menace] I was like, ‘What’s this for?’ George and I are good friends so we kind of had a laugh about it because I thought he was doing it because he had all those old guys in Episode I, and if something happened to them, he still wanted to put ‘em in the movie. Ever since I’ve been in the Marvel Universe, every time you change costumes in a Marvel movie, they scan you. Ever since I did Captain Marvel, and they did the Lola project where they de-aged me and everything else, it’s like, ‘Well, I guess they can do this anytime they want to do it if they really want to!’ It could be something to worry about. Future actors should do what I always do when I get a contract and it has the words ‘in perpetuity’ and ‘known and unknown’ on it: I cross that shit out. It’s my way of saying, ‘No, I do not approve of this.’”

You heard the man. Cross that shit out.

(via Rolling Stone)

My world has been turned upside down. I thought I knew everything (about Jennifer Lawrence’s mom selling the Oscar winner’s toilet on Craigslist) but it turns out, it was all a lie. Well, maybe not “all” of it, because a recent development in this important news story still involves Jennifer Lawrence and a toilet, but she left out — or conveniently “forgot” — important details.

Last week, Lawrence informed People that Lee Eisenberg, the writing partner of No Hard Feelings director Gene Stupnitsky, “bought a toilet on Craigslist from my mom. My toilet.” Why was the actress’ mom selling her toilet? “I don’t know,” Lawrence said. “I’m like, ‘I broke it.’ My mom sold it for me.”

But now, Lawrence has changed her tune. “I ended up getting it backward,” she told ET (not the alien, but that would be the only way to make this story weirder). “My mom bought Lee‘s toilet. When he clarified and was like, ‘None of this is true.’ I was like, ‘Well, it’s not [not true].’ I literally just got confused about who bought or sold [the toilet].”

I, too, am always forgetting about the status of my used Craigslist toilet.

In other Jennifer Lawrence news, she recently met Ronald from the breakout comedy of 2023, Jury Duty.

More like Jury Poo-y (because of the toilet, you see).

(Via ET)

Demi Lovato recently told GQ Spain about how “absolutely exhausting” it is to “educate people and explain” their non-binary identity, leading to Lovato still accept she/her pronouns alongside they/them. But if we’ve learned anything about Lovato over the last two-plus decades, it’s that they don’t stand down from challenges.

Today, June 22, Lovato turned their never-say-die spirit toward abortion rights via the hard-charging, unapologetically rock “Swine” single.

“It’s been one year since the Supreme Court’s decision to dismantle the constitutional right to a safe abortion, and although the path forward will be challenging, we must continue to be united in our fight for reproductive justice,” Lovato posted to Instagram and Twitter.

They continued, “I created ‘SWINE’ to amplify the voices of those who advocate for choice and bodily autonomy. I want this song to empower not only the birthing people of this country, but everyone who stands up for equality, to embrace their agency and fight for a world where every person’s right to make decisions about their own body is honored.”

Roe v. Wade was overturned by the Supreme Court on June 24, 2022.

Lovato’s accompanying Meriel O’Connell-directed video cinematically stages a punk-rock court hearing. Lovato doesn’t hold back, and neither do the people in the gallery behind her, as a judge dressed in all-black watches disapprovingly.

The explicit lyrics condense the anger and fear felt by millions of Americans, with lines like “God forbid, I wanna f*ck whoever the f*ck I wanna / And if he c*ms, I guess I gotta be a mother” and “My life, my voice / My rights, my choice / It’s mine, or I’m just swine.”

Watch the “Swine” video above.

High-proof bourbon is nothing new. It’s been around for decades. That’s not the whole story though. There has been an absolute explosion in the number of brands releasing higher-proof bourbon whiskeys over the past decade or so. It’s gotten to the point where if you don’t have a higher-proof expression or barrel-proof version of your main whiskey, you’re basically leaving money on the table (and leaving customers pretty disappointed).

That means that there’s just a ton of it out there on shelves. And in order to make sure we’re not favoring the most widely known brands, we decided to taste them “double-blind.”

Before we kick off, “high-proof” covers everything above “bottled in bond” when it comes to ABVs. So above 50% or 100-proof. That means that the term does cover expression styles like barrel proof/strength (whiskey bottled without proofing after it came out of the barrel), full proof/barrel entry proof (whiskey bottled at the same proof that the whiskey went into the barrel at), and any whiskey that’s 50% ABV and above.

Very generally, look at it like this:

• Low-proof bourbon whiskey is 40.0% to 49.9%
• Bottled in Bond bourbon whiskey is 50.0% to 50.9%
• High-proof bourbon whiskey is 51.0% and up

It’s as simple as that. But of course, there are whiskeys that inch into categories without being part of them. Wild Turkey 101 is 50.5% and isn’t a bottled in bond whiskey. Knob Creek is exactly 50% ABV and it’s a bottled in bond either. There’s also an old way of thinking that says anything above a 40% or 80-proof bourbon is “high proof” but I find that completely outmoded in a world where that proof marker is no longer a norm.

Since this is a double-blind, I had my wife sift through my bourbon shelves and randomly grab anything with an ABV over 50%. I also asked her to avoid bottled in bond expressions just to keep this a little more clear-cut. She ended up picking a really interesting mix that I never would have put together myself [maybe that’s why your editor is always asking for double-blind articles! -ed].

It was actually a really fun panel of pours, so let’s dive right in!

• The 100 Best Bourbon Whiskeys From Kentucky, Ranked
• The 100 Best Bourbon Whiskeys Of 2022, Ranked
• The Absolute Best Bottle Of Whiskey From Each Of The 50 States
• Our Head Drinks Critic Reveals The Expensive Bourbons He *Won’t* Pay Above Retail For
• The Absolute Best Bourbons Between $50-$60, Ranked

Part 1 — The High-Proof Bourbon Tasting

Taste 1

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Deep marzipan and dark cherry pop on the nose with a sense of zucchini bread full of winter spice, brown butter, and walnuts next to bright orange zest and a dash of black peppercorns tied to old oak and light boot leather.

Palate: Those winter spices really amp up on the palate with a sense of clove, cardamom, and nutmeg next to old vanilla pods, dried glove leather, and a hint of dank pine resin tied to a hint of cherry bark.

Finish: That woodiness and dank drive the finish toward a layer of spice nut cake swimming in buttercream with a nice dose of smudging sage and cedar bark leading to old tobacco pouches.

Initial Thoughts:

Wow! This is delicious. It’s so deep and satisfying.

Taste 2

Tasting Notes:

Nose: There’s a nice sense of funk and fruit on the nose — think standing by a barn in an apple orchard — that leads to salted caramel, cherry tobacco, and rich dark chocolate cut with red chili pepper flakes with a lush vanilla foundation of almond cakes and powdered sugar icing.

Palate: Rich winter spice cakes with a hint of rum raisin drive the taste toward dark cherry spiced tobacco with a rush of ABVs that cause a deep buzz before old cellar dirt floors and oak arrive with a dark sense of chocolate and espresso all kissed with salt.

Finish: Cherry Coke and gingerbread drive the finish with a lush and vibrant sense of red chili pepper spice, black pepper woodiness, and cinnamon bark softness before stewed apple and buttery pie crust lead back toward a vanilla almond cake vibe with a lingering warming sensation.

Initial Thoughts:

And this is f*cking delicious too. This has a tad more depth maybe but I’m going to have to go back to this and the first one a couple of times to confirm that before I rank these.

Taste 3

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Candied pecans cooked into crispy, vanilla-forward waffles dance on the nose with a touch of sour cherry tossed in sea salt, a deep winter spice bark medley, and old leather tobacco pouches.

Palate: The taste moseys through salted dark chocolate squares next to maple syrup-dipped graham crackers, dried wild sagebrush, and a rush of sharp spearmint with black cherry lush sweetness at the base.

Finish: That black cherry drives the finish toward salted caramel and dried red chili pepper spice next to a whisper of orchard bard, woody spice, and soft and chewy tobacco.

Initial Thoughts:

This is also really good. It’s not quite as lush as the last two but still hits really nicely.

Taste 4

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Toasted almonds and walnuts lead the way on the nose with a deep and rich vanilla cake lightly dusted with cacao, dry cherry, and cinnamon with a touch of old oak cellars and black-mold-encrusted old deck furniture.

Palate: The soft caramel and vanilla open the palate before a rush of woody and sharp spices — clove, anise, allspice, red chili pepper — arrive with a sense of old wood chips on a workshop floor leads to salted toffee dipped in roasted almonds and dark salted chocolate with a whisper of cherry cordial backing it all up.

Finish: That soft sweetness counters the hot spices for a while on the slow finish as the spices take on an orange/cherry/vanilla Christmas cake vibe with plenty of nuts and ABV heat.

Initial Thoughts:

This is hot but so goddamn well-balanced and tasty. I really like this. It opened up my senses and really grabbed my attention.

Taste 5

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Sweet woody notes next to oily vanilla open the nose with a rush of black peppercorns, red chili pepper, and a hint of dark caramel.

Palate: The taste delivers ripe peaches next to more peppery spice and a hint of Christmas spices, with the vanilla taking a backseat and the oak really stepping in to shine.

Finish: The end is spicy, hot, oaky, and peachy, with a hint of caramel corn that fades pretty quickly.

Initial Thoughts:

This was nice, standard bourbon with a lightness to it that didn’t help it stand out. It’s thin but still carries a solid profile.

Taste 6

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose draws you in with a sense of old rickhouses and mincemeat pies with a hint of plum jam over buttermilk biscuits just kissed with clove and nutmeg.

Palate: Those biscuits turn into Christmas spice cakes with plenty of nuts and dried fruits with a candied orange hint next to caramel sauce and vanilla cake.

Finish: The end is lush at first with a nice earthiness that plays into rum raisin and brandy-soaked holiday cakes before fading abruptly.

Initial Thoughts:

This was so close but kind of stumbled on the finish. It just disappeared. Everything was great up to that point though.

Taste 7

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Sweet and buttery toffee is countered by burnt orange, old oak, and a hint of cumin and red chili pepper flakes.

Palate: The palate leans into soft vanilla pudding cups with a touch of butterscotch swirled in next to orange oils, nougat, and a hint of menthol tobacco.

Finish: The midpalate tobacco warmth gives way to a finish that’s full of woody winter spices and a whisper of Cherry Coke next to orange/clove by way of a dark chocolate bar flaked with salt.

Initial Thoughts:

This was pretty nice but obviously very cheap on the palate. It wasn’t thin so much as everything was very punctuated. It was very “this then this then this … done.”

Taste 8

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This opens with a balance of old leather boots and freshly cracked black pepper next to a hint of walnut shell, vanilla pod, and orange zest.

Palate: The palate leans into what feels like star fruit as orange marmalade, salted butter, and fresh honey drip over rye bread crusts.

Finish: The end comes with a good dose of peppery spice and old leather as those walnuts and orange combine with a handful of dried fruit and a dusting of winter spices on the finish.

Initial Thoughts:

This was pretty nice overall but felt a tad standard. Good standard, don’t get me wrong. But there were no bells ringing and beckoning me back for more.

Taste 9

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Woody huckleberry jam over raisin scones mingle with eggnog spices and brown sugar cookies, spiced cherry fruit leather, and a twinge of sweet yet old oakiness.

Palate: That dark fruit leather leans into brandy-soaked dates and prunes with a sense of old oak cellars next to rich vanilla, soft apples, and sticky toffee pudding.

Finish: There’s a dark cherry spiced vibe to the finish that leans into fresh chewy tobacco packed into an old oak box and then wrapped in leather with a burnt orange rind and winter spice bouquet on top.

Initial Thoughts:

Goddamn, this is tasty. This is another one that I’m going to need to revisit before I rank it. It’s deeply delicious.

Taste 10

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with a lovely sense of vanilla pods and orange blossom with a hint of old saddle leather and cedar bark next to wild sage, cinnamon and caramel apple fritters, and salted black licorice with a bundle of holiday spices and barks tied up with burnt orange and pine.

Palate: The palate is lush with a cream soda float with malted vanilla ice cream cut with cherries, dark chocolate chips, and espresso flakes next to cinnamon cherry bark tobacco on the mid-palate.

Finish: The end dives toward a thick braid of cedar bark, sage, and blackberry tobacco with a thin line of sweetgrass and vanilla pods woven in there.

Initial Thoughts:

This runs deep too. There was maybe a hint of lightness but I’m really reaching for something to pick at with that note. It’s just good whiskey.

Part 2 — The High-Proof Bourbon Ranking

10. Wild Turkey 101 Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 7

ABV: 50.5%

Average Price: $19

The Whiskey:

A lot of Wild Turkey’s character comes from the hard and deep char they use on their oak barrels. 101 starts with a high-rye mash bill that leans into the wood and aging, having spent six years in the cask. A little of that soft Kentucky limestone water is added to cool it down a bit before bottling.

Bottom Line:

I kind of figured this was something like 101 when I tasted it. Again, it’s not thin but it just feels a little lesser, and by the book. That said, this was a perfectly tasty pour that feels like a great building block for a decent cocktail.

9. Brother’s Bond Straight Bourbon Whiskey Original Cask Strength — Taste 8

ABV: 57.9%

Average Price: $80

The Whiskey:

The newest release from Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley is an evolution of their brand. The whiskey in the bottle is a blend of three bourbons which create a four-grain bourbon. That blend was then bottled as-is.

Bottom Line:

This was nice with a good standard/classic bourbon vibe. Nothing more, nothing less. I’d build some nice cocktails with this one.

8. Bulleit Bourbon Barrel Strength Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 5

ABV: 60.1%

Average Price: $45

The Whiskey:

This is Bulleit letting its whiskey shine at full force. The bourbon is small-batched from hand-selected barrels and bottled at the new Bulleit distillery in Kentucky with their own juice mixed in with some old sourced barrels that they’ve been stewarding for years now.

Bottom Line:

This was good too. I’m not going to deny that. It just didn’t have the oomph of other pours on this panel. Still, I can see this making a mean old fashioned or easy going on the rocks pour any ol’ day of the week.

7. Maker’s Mark Bill’s Recipe French Oaked No. 46 Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whisky Cask Strength — Taste 6

ABV: 55.15%

Average Price: $68

The Whisky:

This version of Maker’s 46 is all about shining a light on the brilliance of their stave program. The wheated bourbon is a small batch (made in a 1,000-gallon vatting tank) that’s re-barreled into used Maker’s Mark barrels that are fitted with heavily seared French oak staves. That whisky rests for another few months before bottling 100% as-is at cask strength.

Bottom Line:

Goddamn, if this had a stronger finish, it would have been top three. It just sort of petered out in the end. That says to me that you can use this to make a great cocktail as a foundation whiskey to build upon.

6. Stellum Bourbon Single Barrel Perseus Selected by Topflight Series by ReserveBar — Taste 3

ABV: 57.59%

Average Price: $52

The Whiskey:

Perseus is the latest in the astronomical lineup from Stellum Bourbon. This whiskey starts off with a mash bill of 75% corn, 21% rye, and 4% malted barley. That hot juice then rests for at least four to six years before single barrels are picked for bottling. In this case, ReserveBar snagged this barrel for their Top Flight program as a special barrel pick.

Bottom Line:

This is getting into the stellar pours. This was the lightest of those heavy hitters but still had a great overall profile. Get this if you’re looking for an easy everyday sipper or a great cocktail mixer.

5. Weller The Original Wheated Bourbon Antique 107 Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 10

ABV: 53.5%

Average Price: $50

The Whiskey:

This is a non-age-statement bourbon that’s called “Old Weller Antique” (OWA) by those who love the old-school vibes of the expression’s previous iteration. The ripple with this expression is the higher proof. The barrels are vatted and barely proofed down to 107 proof before bottling (the entry proof is 114).

Bottom Line:

This is just good. And I know that it makes a killer cocktail since this is my house cocktail pour for everyday mixing.

4. 15 STARS Triple Cask Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 9

ABV: 52.5%

Average Price: $179

The Whiskey:

This new release from 15 STARS is a blend of two bourbons with a big finishing run. The whiskey is made from an eight and 16-year-old blend that was finished in Kentucky in port, cognac, and rum casks for eight additional months before batching and bottling.

Bottom Line:

This runs so deep. The only reason it’s a little lower on the ranking is that it didn’t go full “wow.” Still, it delivered a great sipping experience.

3. Booker’s “Charlie’s Batch” 2023-01 Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey — Taste 4

ABV: 63.3%

Average Price: $97

The Whiskey:

This limited edition 2023 release from Beam is an hommage to Charlie Hutchens — the woodworker who makes Booker’s boxes that the whiskey comes in and a long-time family friend to the Noe family who makes Beam whiskeys. The whiskey is a blend of mid to high-floor barrels from five warehouses. Those whiskeys were batched and bottled 100% as-is at cask strength after just north of seven years of aging.

Bottom Line:

This is delicious whiskey. I’d recommend pouring it over a rock to calm it down a skoosh and let the creaminess really mount.

2. Woodford Reserve Master’s Collection Batch Proof Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 2023 Release — Taste 1

ABV: 62.35%

Average Price: $129

The Whiskey:

This brand-new Batch Proof release from Woodford Reserve is all about the process. The blending process of amazing cask strength barrels is front and center thanks to the whiskey going into the bottle untouched by water, leaving it “batch proof.”

Bottom Line:

This is amazingly tasty. It’s basically tied for first.

1. Elijah Craig Barrel Proof Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Batch No. B523 — Taste 2

ABV: 62.1%

Average Price: $69

The Whiskey:

The latest Elijah Craig Barrel Proof is here (number two of three for 2023). This edition is a batch of bourbons that are a minimum of 11.5 years old (down from the usual 12-year age statements). The batch is bottled completely as is without cutting with water or chill filtration.

Bottom Line:

I’m shocked I picked this. I always harp on that it needs ice or I use it for cocktails. I evidently really like it because it kind of blew me away on this panel.

Part 3 — Final Thoughts on the High-Proof Bourbons

I guess I really like that Elijah Craig Barrel Proof. It just hits this great balance of running deep and unique with a purely classic Kentucky bourbon vibe. It’s hard not to love. The same goes for the Woodford Barrel Proof. It’s just freaking delicious.

Honestly, every whiskey on this panel was great in one way or another. If you’re looking for something you can easily find, then go with Stellum, Bulleit, or Turkey. Otherwise, take your time and track down any of the top five entries from this list. They’re all worth the time, effort, and cash.

In the great debate over which is superior — the nugget or the tender — I’m fully team tender. Nuggets are a gamble. Sometimes they’re heavily processed, sometimes they’re not even pure chicken, but with a tender you get a single cut of meat that has simply been battered and fried, even marinated if you’re lucky! But, who in fast food is making the best tasting highest quality chicken tender?

Come on, you know where we’re going with this… It’s time to blind taste test chicken tenders!

I’ve been a chicken tender fan for a long time, at one point in my life my diet consisted almost entirely of pancakes and chicken tenders. Yes, I was a picky child, but still, my love for chicken tenders (and pancakes) has never died, and I’ve had a lot of them throughout my life so my standards for what makes a great chicken tender are sky-high:

1. It has to be crunchy.
2. It has to be tender — I mean, it’s in the name.
3. It has to be battered in something that makes it perfectly flavorful, no sauce required.

So that’s how I’m going to taste them, sauceless. Let’s do it.

Methodology

Putting this taste test together was relatively easy compared to when we blind taste-tested chocolate milkshakes and cheeseburgers. All five of the restaurants chosen for this taste test were in relatively close proximity to each other and close enough to my home that I was able to grab the food and actually eat it at home instead of in a random parking lot like I’ve been doing for the last couple of taste tests.

Here is our tasting class:

• Carl’s Jr
• Chick-fil-A
• KFC
• Popeyes
• Raising Canes

Once I had each tender, I had my girlfriend bring me one tender at a time chosen at random and I ate the entire thing to get the full experience. Since chicken tenders can be very inconsistent in size and shape, I had her choose the best tender per order. Thankfully, none of them needed sauce to be edible, but unfortunately that made ranking them a bit tougher than I had imagined. Let’s dive into the tasting notes.

Part 1: The Chicken Tender Taste Test

Taste 1

Juicy and crunchy, a great start. This tender has a mix of black pepper, garlic powder, and salty flavors, and an aftertaste that is buttery with a gentle hint of lemon. Overall it’s a bright and light experience, I can see how sauce would easily elevate this to being even more delicious, but as it stands alone, it’s delicious!

Taste 2

Great breading here, it’s audibly crunchy. The chicken is a bit dry, but the flavor is nice with an emphasis on earthy black pepper notes with a sort of sweet aftertaste.

Taste 3

Dusty tasting and a bit bland. There is a staleness to the breading here, it tastes a bit burnt and the chicken inside is incredibly dry. I’m getting a lot of crunch out of this one, but eating it isn’t an enjoyable experience.

My hunch is that this one is going to rank last.

Taste 4

Incredibly juicy. This chicken is so tender that it almost melts in the mouth. The breading isn’t very crunchy, but it’s full of flavor, rich pepper notes, a hint of sweetness, and a slightly floral aftertaste. Very interesting. Sadly, I think it comes across as a bit wet and soggy. The breading sort of falls apart and sticks to my fingers — kind of off-putting.

Taste 5

Strangely flat, this piece of chicken is more breading than meat. It’s the crunchiest of the five we’ve tasted, and while the meat is scarce, all together the flavor is delicious. It’s bright, spicy, and salty. But I can’t get over just how little meat there is here. I’d say the ratio of breading to meat is 3:1.

Part 2: The Chicken Tender Ranking

5. Carl’s Jr — Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenders (Taste 3)

Carl’s Jr’s Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenders at one time, were novel. The idea of a hand-breaded piece of chicken was a rarity when the norm was fast food restaurants selling frozen pre-prepared chicken tenders with processed meat. Thankfully, we’re not living in those dark days anymore, but unfortunately for Carl’s Jr, that makes its hand-breaded tenders nothing special.

Ironically, this chicken sort of tastes like no love or care was put into crafting it, the breading isn’t seasoned well and it’s over-fried to the point of being dry, for that it stood apart as easily the least enjoyable piece of chicken we ate today.

The Bottom Line:

Carl’s Jr’s Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenders feel a little outdated and underwhelming in comparison to the chains that specialize in chicken.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr. here.

4. KFC — Chicken Tenders (Taste 3)

KFC makes some great-tasting bird — there is a distinct character and flavor in this chicken tender that tastes undeniably like KFC. Part of me knew this was KFC during the blind tasting portion, but unfortunately, since the chicken was a bit too dry, I can’t rank it higher than the second to last place spot.

Earlier I mentioned that none of the chicken tenders needed sauce to get through, but I’m not confident I could say that about this chicken if I had more than a single tender.

The Bottom Line:

Good flavor, but a bit too dry.

Find your nearest KFC here.

3. Popeyes — Spicy Chicken Tender (Taste 5)

I love Popeyes, great bone-in chicken, and great chicken sandwiches, but straight up the tenders and nuggets need work. The flavor is on point, it’s bright, buttery, smokey, and spicy, and has a superior crunch to anything else on the market, but there just isn’t enough actual chicken here to make it rank any higher than mid-tier.

It’s literally a flat strip of meat. I’m not even sure this qualifies as a chicken tender, it’s almost as if someone shaved off a layer from a chicken filet, breaded up to three times its size, fried it, and called it a day.

The Bottom Line:

Great flavor, but where is the actual chicken? In a fast food world where chicken is king, it feels like Popeyes needs to step up its game.

Find your nearest Popeyes here.

2. Chick-fil-A — Chicken Tenders (Taste 4)

I have to hand it to Chick-fil-A, marinating your chicken in pickle brine, breading it on-site, and frying it in peanut oil is a good way to make some great f*cking chicken. Unfortunately, as good as these tenders are, they’re Chick-fil-A’s worst chicken option. Why would you ever order these over the nuggets, which are juicier, or the chicken sandwich, which is meatier?

Having said all that, we’re not here to talk about the rest of the Chick-fil-A menu, we’re here to compare it to the chicken tenders we ate in this sitting. This was so close to taking the number one spot, the only thing that kept it from taking the crown was that it wasn’t crispy enough. The breading, as delicious as it is, came across as a bit wet and soggy.

The Bottom Line:

Great flavor, it’s tender and juicy, but not crunchy enough.

Find your nearest Chick-fil-A here.

1. Raising Cane’s — Chicken Tenders (Taste 1)

Raising Cane’s straight up doesn’t have a batter as delicious as Chick-fil-A, and they don’t marinate their chicken in pickle brine (I believe they use lemon water) resulting in a brighter and less intense flavor than Chick-fi-A, but the whole package is just on point here.

The batter is perfect, it’s thick, craggy, and well seasoned, the chicken is tender and juicy (made from non-frozen chicken tenders prepared in-house), and each piece is fried for the perfect amount of time, resulting in a chicken tender that is equal parts crunchy and flavorful. This chicken doesn’t leave me wanting for anything, and for that, it’s our number one choice.

The Bottom Line:

The perfect fast food chicken tender and the standard by which all other chicken tenders should be measured.

Find your nearest Raising Cane’s here.

The September tour dates Gorillaz announced in May are no more. While Damon Albarn’s animated band had planned to play four dates with Kaytranada, Lil Yachty, and Remi Wolf, ticketholders received emails today with a statement announcing the dates’ cancelations.

Due to scheduling conflicts and circumstances beyond our control, the previously announced Gorillaz shows in September have been cancelled. Refunds will be issued automatically at your point of purchase and will be processed as quickly as possible, there is nothing further for you to do at this time. Please allow for up to 30 days for the refund to process.

In a statement, Gorillaz wrote:

We are gutted not to be able to perform for you this year. We were really looking forward to it and we hope to get back to you again as soon as we can. We love our Gorillaz family and we can’t wait to see you again.

The mini-tour, called The Getaway tour, was to mark the final dates supporting the band’s latest album, Cracker Island. It was also to be the group’s first dates stateside since they rocked Coachella with Beck, Bad Bunny, and De La Soul.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.