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Marjorie Taylor Greene — AKA MAGA Frank Drebin — Wants The Secret Service To Drug Test 500 White House Employees To Nab The Blow Bandit Who Brought Cocaine Into The White House

By now, you definitely know that someone brought cocaine into the White House, and this was discovered over the Fourth of July weekend. No one from the First Fam was on site, but that didn’t stop the right-wing from acting like Hunter Biden held an unabated drug orgy on the premises. For some reason, this prompted Donald Trump Jr. to get hyperbolic about Diet Coke, and Marjorie Taylor Greene has been on a rage bender as a result. She wants President Biden tested for drug use and to quit NATO while he’s at it, and for the whole family to be tested and “all staff.” Seems a bit excessive.

On Thursday, Greene grew even more heated about the subject after the Secret Service closed their investigation without pinpointing any suspects. The agency couldn’t determine probable cause tie anyone to that baggie due to surveillance footage that was apparently lacking, but that’s not good enough for Greene, and it’s getting to be a bit The Naked Gun up in the joint.

The far-right congresswoman called a press conference as though this was a national emergency and tweeted a clip, along with her complaint about this being “a total failure” because “[t]he Secret Service has narrowed down 500 people as the potential source of cocaine.” She believes that the ball has been dropped because these 500 people haven’t been ordered to take a drug test.

At this point, if any of these 500 people had cocaine in their bloodstream at the time that the errant baggie surfaced, then it would be long gone. Too many days have passed for testing to draw anything close to an admissible conclusion, but Greene’s obsession with the coke makes me wonder if she simply wants to distract from getting booted from the House Freedom Caucus.

Then again, Greene has been known to be a little bit… scattered. Like the time she bid $100,000 for Chapstick during the debt celling fiasco. It happens.