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‘Barbie’ Is A Hilarious, Weird, Shrewd Ride

So, as I was watching Greta Gerwig’s Barbie (written by Gerwig and Noah Baumbach) I couldn’t help but wonder what the Mattel executives were thinking the first time they were watching it. Mattel, the maker of Barbie and other toy lines like Masters of the Universe, obviously want to start competing with their rival, Hasbro (Transformers, G.I. Joe), at the box office. In particular, there’s a scene set in the “real world” as Barbie (Margot Robbie) tries to find her owner, when a young woman named Sasha (Ariana Greenblatt) explains in no uncertain terms to Barbie that she is a menace: That everyone hates Barbie, she has set feminism back 50 years, and has set the standard for unrealistic body expectations. I truly wonder if Mattel signed up for “shrewd, biting, and hilarious cultural commentary about their product.” Or, if they even realized, of course, that’s what they were going to get with Gerwig and Baumbach involved. (I could list 30 filmmakers right now off the top of my head who would be, from Mattel’s point of view, “safe” choices. These two are not on that list.) To the point, throughout the film’s running time, I just kept thinking to myself I can’t believe this exists and I can’t believe they got away with it.

I also keep imagining parents taking young children to this movie and just being delighted by this idea. For instance, there’s a scene where the Kens wage war against each other over the control of Barbie Land. Ryan Gosling’s Ken wages a Saving Private Ryan-type beach invasion against the other army of Kens, using tennis rackets and volleyballs as weapons, that leads to a huge, trippy choreographed dance number against the leader of the other Kens (Simu Liu). I’m just imagining the, “Hmmm, this isn’t quite what I expected,” face who may have assumed there wouldn’t have been an all-out beach invasion that leads to a dance number. Or direct references to Robert Evans.

Honestly, I’m kind of in awe of Barbie and I would love to read the meeting notes of every conversation Gerwig had with someone at Mattel.

When we first meet Barbie she’s living in Barbie Land and everything is perfect. She lives in her Dream House and spends her day on the beach hanging out with all the other Barbies, who, together, run the government and day-to-day operations of Barbie Land under President Barbie (Issa Rae). The Kens primarily exist to win the attention and affection of the Barbies. One particular Ken, the one played by Gosling, his entire purpose in life to to impress Robbie’s Barbie. However, Barbie begins to have an existential crisis and doesn’t understand why this is happening to her. She visits the wise “Weird Barbie” (Kate McKinnon, who owns this role) who explains Barbie is feeling this way because of the relationship with her owner. She must travel to the real world and find her owner.

Along with Ken, they do travel to the real world and Barbie does find her owner, Gloria (America Ferrera), who now works at Mattel and has handed Barbie down to her daughter, the aforementioned Sasha. But at the same time, Ken is exploring the real world and, excitedly, discovers that men seem to be mostly in charge and starts reading books about the patriarchy and discovers he really likes all of this. So Ken sets back off to Barbie Land to tell the other Kens what he’s learned and to also rule Barbie Land himself. Barbie, Gloria and Sasha travel back to Barbie Land, too, setting up a showdown with the Kens. Gosling plays this all with such glee. Gosling as, let’s say, “confident” Ken is just a delight. There’s a scene in which he asks Barbie if he can play a song “at” her. Then breaks out a four-hour version of “Push” by Matchbox 20.

Make no doubt about it, Barbie is a very weird movie. One I enjoyed very much. And quite possibly the weirdest studio movie I’ve ever seen based on a product that another company is very much still hoping to sell. (I truly imagine some sort of urgent phone call at some point, “Um, yeah, so we have some notes about the CEO of Mattel character?”) I can’t get over the fact that Will Ferrell plays the CEO of Mattel as a bumbling oaf who loves tickle-fights. I’ve already seen the comparisons to Ferrell’s Lord Business from The LEGO Movie, but Lord Business is not the actual CEO of LEGO, proudly introducing his all-white guys Board of Directors. I would suspect this was the trickiest of characters, considering the corporate gymnastics involved. This results in Ferrell’s character being a big fan of Barbie (which, alright, she does make him a lot of money), but it’s also clear Barbie needs to stay in Barbie Land, so this does allow the movie to have a chase scene.

Again, I can’t believe Gerwig got away with this. And that’s not to say there’s no love for this character – there obviously is – but it’s not often we get this amount of social commentary squeezed directly from the company that licensed the movie. And I don’t want to make it sound heavy-handed. I saw this movie somewhat early in the morning after a night of little sleep and I legitimately laughed out loud at least ten times. I truly don’t know what audiences expecting a straightforward Barbie movie will make of all this. But I, for one, hope Warner Bros. and Mattel let Gerwig and Baumbach make five more of these.

‘Barbie’ opens in theaters everywhere this week. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.

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We Ranked Gose-Style Beers To Keep You Refreshed All Summer Long

When it comes to refreshing beers, it’s pretty difficult to beat an ice-cold Gose. Pronounced “Gose-uh”, this beer style (like many) comes from Germany. Specifically, the city of Goslar. It’s a top-fermented wheat ale known for its tart, citrus flavor that’s accentuated by the addition of salt and (often times) coriander. Traditional Gose beers from the city got their salty flavor from the high level of salinity in the water — these days it’s added later.

Whether or not additional fruit flavors are added, Gose-style beers are crisp, tart, and perfectly salty. Exactly the type of beer you want to drink on a hot summer day.

To prove it, we selected eight of the best, summery Gose-style beers we could find and ranked them for you. We were looking for complex, balanced flavors profile featuring nice levels of tartness, salinity, and overall thirst-quenching ability. Keep scrolling if you want to see where your favorite beer landed on this list (or if it didn’t make it at all).

8) Neshaminy Creek Summer Dollars

Neshaminy Creek Summer Dollars
Neshaminy Creek

ABV: 4.9%

Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

If ever there was an official beer for summer, it would be Neshaminy Creek Summer Dollars. This homage to the first summer blockbuster ‘Jaws’, it’s a fruited Gose brewed with pilsner malts, white wheat that is conditioned on blood oranges. Sea salt adds a little bit of ocean brine to this brew.

Tasting Notes:

This gose is loaded with ripe orange aromas, funky acidity, wheat, and raspberry. The palate is slightly less exciting with juicy orange flavor as well as some pilsner malts, a tart acidity, and a gentle hint of sea salt throughout. Salt, citrus, and summer.

But… a bit of a one-trick pony.

Bottom Line:

This is a decent summer sipper. It’s just salt and orange and not much else though.

7) Cigar City Margarita Gose

Cigar City Margarita Gose
Cigar City

ABV: 4.2%

Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

When you crack open a beer called a “Margarita Gose,” you should have a pretty good idea about what you’re in for. This 4.2% ABV summer sipper is a German-style Gose with orange peel, lime essence, and salt. It was crafted to taste like a tart, salty margarita.

Tasting Notes:

One sniff and you’d assume you were about to indulge in a margarita and that’s the point. There’s a ton of lime, orange peel, and salt. All it’s missing is the aroma of tequila. The palate continues this trend with more lime, orange, some cracker-like malts, and a ton of sea salt. It’s tart, refreshing, but feels like it’s missing something.

Bottom Line:

If you enjoy margaritas, you’ll really like this beer. But since it’s missing the tequila element, it might simply make you want to drink a real margarita instead.

6) Anderson Valley Briney Melon Gose

Anderson Valley Briney Melon Gose
Anderson Valley

ABV: 4.2%

Average Price: $12 for a six-pack

The Beer:

If you only turned to one brewery for your Gose fix this summer, you can do much worse than Anderson Valley. One of our favorites from the Boonville, California-based brewery is its Briney Melon Gose. Brewed with Chinook, pale two-row malt, malted white wheat, rice hulls, and Chinook hops, it gets its summery elements from the use of watermelon and sea salt.

Tasting Notes:

Before your first sip, you’ll be treated to aromas of cereal grains, honey, ripe watermelon, salt, and gentle spices. Sipping it reveals more watermelon, freshly baked bread, citrus peels, slightly tart acidity, and a ton of salinity.

Bottom Line:

This beer is like biting into a ripe, juicy piece of watermelon with a dash of salt on it. It might seem strange at first, but it’s surprisingly refreshing.

5) Mikkeller Passion Pool

Mikkeller Passion Pool
Mikkeller

ABV: 4.5%

Average Price: $16 for a four-pack of 16-ounce cans

The Beer:

When it comes to envelope-pushing breweries, it’s difficult to beat Denmark’s Mikkeller. It’s a brewery unafraid of trying new things. A great example is Passion Pool. Instead of the usual citrus based Gose, Mikkeller made a banger of a sour ale with passionfruit and sea salt.

Tasting Notes:

The beer smells like a tropical paradise. Not surprisingly, the top aroma is that of passionfruit. Afterward, you’ll find mango, peach, orange peel, and ripe grapefruit. There’s also a faint aroma of sea salt. Sipping it only adds to the experience with more passionfruit mingling with ripe peach, pineapple, mango, floral hops, and more sea salt. It’s a very complex, flavorful summer beer.

Bottom Line:

If you’re the kind of person who makes a fruit salad and adds every single tropical fruit you can find at your local supermarket, this is your beer. Sea salt only adds to the experience.

4) Westbrook Key Lime Pie Gose

Westbrook Key Lime Pie Gose
Westbrook

ABV: 4%

Average Price: $11 for a six-pack

The Beer:

When it comes to tart pie hierarchy, you’d have a hard time dethroning the iconic key lime pie. This complex beer version is brewed with CTZ hops, American ale yeast, acidulated pale malts, and wheat. It gets its key lime pie flavor from the addition of cinnamon, coriander, sea salt, vanilla, and key limes.

Tasting Notes:

You’d assume that a Gose that was supposed to smell and taste like pie wouldn’t really live up to the hype, but this one does. The nose is all graham crackers, key limes, and spices. The palate is more tart lime flavor that’s tempered by graham crackers, vanilla, coriander, and a nice kick of sea salt.

Bottom Line:

This Gose absolutely tastes like a key lime pie in beer form. Yet, it still manages to be light and crushable enough for the summer heat.

3) Grimm Super Spruce

Grimm Super Spruce
Grimm

ABV: 4.7%

Average Price: $19 for a four-pack of 16-ounce cans

The Beer:

To say this is a unique beer is a major understatement. Brewed with new-growth spruce tips, Chinook hops, white oak, and sea salt, this is the kind of beer that needs to be tasted to be believed. Pine, citrus, oak, salt. This is a different beer in the best way possible.

Tasting Notes:

Complex aromas of orchard fruits, citrus peels, dank pine, ripe grapefruit, and sea salt pave the way for the palate to follow. On the palate, you’ll find grapefruit, orange zest, lime, wine tannins, floral hops, and a ton of summery pine and salt. It’s a citrus, pine, and salt-forward beer you’ll come back to again and again.

Bottom Line:

This isn’t your usual Gose and that’s what makes it so exciting. The spruce flavor is so perfectly matched with the other flavors in this epic beer.

2) Creature Comforts Tritonia

Creature Comforts Tritonia
Creature Comforts

ABV: 4.5%

Average Price: $13 for a six-pack

The Beer:

Creature Comforts Tritonia is a beer we look forward to drinking every summer. While it’s available year-round, we all know that summer is when this tart, salty Gose shines. Brewed with cucumber, lime, sea salt, coriander, and Creature Comforts’ proprietary blend of lactobacillus, it’s refreshing, tart, and memorable.

Tasting Notes:

Cucumber, lime, sweet wheat, floral hops, and sea salt are prevalent on the nose. Taking a drink, you’ll find flavors like ripe cucumber, coriander, wheat malt, and lime zest. The palate is tart and refreshing and there’s a background of sea salt throughout.

Bottom Line:

Crisp, tart, salty, what’s not to love? Creature Comforts Tritonia is an absolutely flavorful summer crusher if ever there was one.

1) The Veil Never Again

The Veil Never Again
The Veil

ABV: 4.9%

Average Price: $16 for a four-pack of 16-ounce cans

The Beer:

Another unique beer, The Veil’s Never Again is a fruited Gose you’ll want to keep in your fridge all summer long. Brewed with almost 100 gallons of raspberry puree and pine Himalayan Sea salt, this is a berry-filled, tart, salty flavor explosion of a beer.

Tasting Notes:

There’s no disputing that this is a raspberry-centered Gose. Ripe berries are big on the nose along with tart green apple, citrus peels, and a hint of salt. The palate is fruity, salty, and highly refreshing. Raspberries, blackberries, citrus zest, wheat malt, and a ton of sea salt make this a highly memorable beer.

Bottom Line:

While it might not seem overly complex, we assure you this raspberry Gose is something special. All of the flavors are tempered perfectly to make for an outstanding, crisp, tart, refreshing beer.

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Mandy Moore Says She’s Gotten Some Comically Small Checks As Part Of Her ‘This Is Us’ Residuals

Since SAG-AFTRA joined the WGA on the picket lines last week, some truly horrifying stories have emerged about one of guild member’s biggest complaints: comically paltry residuals. In the pre-streaming glory days, actors could once upon a time expect payments from re-runs of popular shows. Now, not so much. Indeed, one very famous star said she’s received some checks so small they needn’t have even bothered — and heard of ones that are even punier.

The Hollywood Reporter caught up with Mandy Moore, who was Emmy-nominated for This is Us, on the Disney picket line in Burbank, California. She had some things to say, namely that she’s received residual checks that were comically low: “very tiny, like 81-cent checks.”

That’s nothing. “I was talking with my business manager who said he’s received a residual for a penny and two pennies,” Moore added.

“The residual issue is a huge issue,” Moore said. “We’re in incredibly fortunate positions as working actors having been on shows that found tremendous success in one way or another … but many actors in our position for years before us were able to live off of residuals or at least pay their bills.”

At the time, Moore was picketing next to former Scandal star Katie Lowes, who told THR she’s never gotten much from her show, despite it getting streaming deals with Hulu and Netflix.

“If you are someone who has been fortunate enough in our positions to do 120-plus episodes of a successful show in previous years — 10, 15, 20 years ago — that re-airing would be the thing that could sustain you on years where I did this smaller project or I wanted to go do a play or you have kids and you have a family to provide for,” Lowes explained. “And that just not a reality anymore. The entire model has changed.”

It’s not just residuals that are the problem. Actors for streamers have long been paid terribly even when filming their shows and movies. Last week, The New Yorker ran a surprising story about the Orange is the New Black supporting cast’s tiny residuals despite their show exploding in popularity. Incidentally, last year the streamer’s current co-CEO Ted Sarandos saw his pay jump 32% to a whopping $50.3 million.

(Via THR)

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Left Out A Few Details While Selectively Quoting From An Article To Support Her Argument For Walls

Marjorie Taylor Greene is staying busy despite (involuntarily?) leaving the House Freedom Caucus earlier this month. The MAGA congresswoman is also known to stretch the truth, even when she’s not inventing terms like “gazpacho police and “peach tree dish.” At times, she will purposely or not flub a few numbers, too, but she pulled a new one during a congressional hearing on Tuesday.

As you can see in the below clip (via @acyn on Twitter), Greene claimed to be reading a very recent article (from a source that she did not name) in her argument that the U.S. needs to prioritize border walls.

She was, as the below response from @MeidasTouch pointed out, reading from the top excerpt portion of a 2015 Daily Mail article, which publishes content (often fun, too) on a wide variety of topics but was surely never intended to be source material for a lawmaker.

“Security fears and a widespread refusal to help refugees have fuelled a new spate of wall-building around the world,” Greene read aloud. “They include Israel’s ‘apartheid wall’, India’s 2,500-mile fence around Bangladesh and Morocco’s huge sand ‘berm.” Curiously, however, Greene omitted the last line from the excerpt, which points out the following about border walls: “Their main function is theatre. They provide the sense of security, not real security.”

Never a dull moment with Marjorie Taylor Greene. She already dropped an LBJ-Biden earlier this week, and you know, the week is still young.

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We Tasted Insanely Rare Scotch Whiskeys Blind And Ranked Them All

Spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a single bottle of whiskey is truly a wild prospect. That’s clear. Is it ever worth it? Yes. If you love whiskey, then eventually you’ll learn of Scotch whiskies (or any whiskey variety, really) that are so rare and fleeting that they cost a whole hell of a lot. But you might still want them and if you get them you might just say “I’m glad I invested in that experience.” It all really depends on what you value, how much money you have, and how you feel the universe is constructed (your philosophy will dictate how you feel about spending on yourself vs. saving, etc.).

An extremely rare cask of whisky — one that’s maybe twice as old as you — is going to cost dearly. But remember that it’s kind of a miracle that it even exists. Imagine how many hands have touched it and how long it’s waited for a chance to be sipped by you. And recall also that whisk(e)y evaporates as it ages. After 20, 30, or even 50 years all of it can be (and often is) gone. I’ve been in warehouses where a 25-year-old barrel is dry as dirt. Then the 30-year-old barrel right next to it will be half full of delicious whiskey. So finding a barrel of, say, 40-year-old whisk(e)y that not only has whiskey still in the barrel but is also delicious is like finding a single four-leaf clover in a field the size of Rhode Island.

What would really suck in all this is spending the coin on a rare whisky only to hate it. To help on that count, I’m going to blindly taste some extremely rare Scotch single malt whisky and recommend a few that you should consider trying too. I grabbed bottles that all have extremely high age statements and even higher price points. Some of these whiskies were filled into the barrel back in the 1970s, maybe even the 1960s. This is extremely rare stuff that’s the epitome of premium.

  • Glenfiddich Suspended Time Aged 30 Years, Time Re:Imagined Collection
  • Glenglassaugh Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky 46 Years Old
  • The Glenlivet Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Sample Room Collection 25 Years Of Age
  • The GlenDronach Grandeur Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 28 Years
  • The BenRiach Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Forty
  • World Whiskey Society 31-Year-Old Single Malt Scotch Whisky Distilled by Macallan Distillery
  • The Singleton of Glen Ord Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 40 Years
  • The Balvenie Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Tale of the Dog Aged 42 Years

After the blind tasting, I ranked these based on taste alone. It was not easy. Cards on the table — these were all spectacular. There is really no other way to cut it so let’s dive right in.

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Scotch Whisky Posts of The Last Six Months

Part 1 — The Ultra-Rare Scotch Whisky Tasting

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Taste 1

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Soft hints of stewed plums cut with sweet cinnamon, bitter clove, and salted dark chocolate mingle with a sense of old but very soft suede, dusty oak beams in an old wine cellar, and this fleeting sense of old honey stored in stone pots of eons with an echo of orange blossom.

Palate: The palate builds on that mild floral vibe with and aura of rose-water-laced moist marzipan dipped in creamy dark chocolate with an edge of cinnamon bark and dried apple bushels countering everything.

Finish: The end has another note of that old honey and stone pots with a lingering sense of pipe tobacco dipped in apple honey and rolled with dry strings of cedar bark and strips of musty leather.

Initial Thoughts:

Delicious. Deep. Divine. I want this whisky in my life every day.

Taste 2

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This is almost … fresh on the nose with a sense of tart and woody black currants, fresh plum, mango juice, and red grapes that then veers into the abyss with a sense of old boot leather, maple wood dipped in varnish, and waxy sense of ambergris (I swear) — think boot cream, fresh tobacco, and sandalwood with a hint of salt.

Palate: The taste takes the fruit and tosses it into a fruit salad that’s cut with seawater and nori that’s then countered by menthol tobacco and sharp citrus oils with a whisper of cherry-flavored cream soda.

Finish: A twinge of grapefruit oil drives the finish toward this fleeting sense of cellar dirt, more ambergris, and mint chocolate chip ice cream that’s laced with pipe tobacco and black currants.

Initial Thoughts:

This is wildly delicious with a hint of bourbon lurking deep in the profile. It also kind of just keeps going and I have no desire for it to end.

Taste 3

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Imagine the best, most bespoke dark chocolate-covered raisins from an expensive chocolate shop and you’ll be on the right track next to soft ginger candy, sweet oak, and malted cookies dipped in fresh honey.

Palate: Those sweet notes are the foundation for burnt orange peels, Almond Roca candies, and sweet caramel malts over a mix of smoked cinnamon bark wrapped around black-tea-soaked dates and a hint of moist marzipan.

Finish: The finish is so long that you might still be thinking about it on your deathbed, thanks to an orange/spice/nutty matrix of silky whisky smoothness.

Initial Thoughts:

This is so good. I guess it’s a tad lighter than the last two, but … who cares when it’s this goddamn tasty?

Taste 4

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with a sense of black-tea-soaked dates blended with Saigon cinnamon and freshly ground nutmeg next to blackstrap molasses, walnut cake, old oak staves soaked in floral honey, moist marzipan laced with orange oils and dipped in salted dark chocolate, and a little twinge of bourbon vanilla cherries.

Palate: The palate pops with dark cherry cordial on the palate next to stewed plums with anise and clove, old leather tobacco pouches, and a touch of creamy espresso.

Finish: The end is a mix of dark chocolate and brandy-soaked cherries next to spent oolong tea leaves, walnut shells, and salted black licorice with a bold warmth of heavily spiced caramel malts.

Initial Thoughts:

Wow. This is bold whisky. The end is almost hot but just pulls back to hold onto an incredible balance. That said, I can see this being a little hot for some palates.

Taste 5

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Old fruit leather — think dried plum and fig skins — mingle with burnt grapefruit pith, caramelized orange sauce, and salted dark chocolate covered dried cranberry with a deep sense of buttery walnut cake cut with cinnamon and clove and drizzled with spiced cherry syrup.

Palate: That spiced cherry drives the palate toward apple pie filling, grilled white peaches drizzled with honey, and lychee with a hint of kiwi and star fruit leading to spice barks and tobacco boxes.

Finish: The chocolate comes back on the end with more of that walnut cake and cherry driving the finish toward a moist and soft finish full of spice, orchard fruits, and soft tobacco.

Initial Thoughts:

This is just incredible. The depth. The balance. It’s … perfect.

Taste 6

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with the softest marzipan (Niedderegger) dipped in fruity and beautiful brandy next to almost savory pear, apple taffy, and pomelo skins over Sicilian cannolis filled with orange-kissed cream and touched with pistachio and brandied-cherries.

Palate: That malted oak cake gets soaked in cognac with a floral fruitiness and a bright summer’s breeze as a hint of rye bread crusts just kissed with sweet anise brings the taste back toward clove and nutmeg sweet Christmas mincemeat pies and a twinge of dark mulled wine.

Finish: That rye and anise counter the soft malted spice cakes with a deep almond marzipan nuttiness that’s accented with pear brandy, orange oils, and vanilla cream with a deeply old wine cellar echo lingering underneath it all.

Initial Thoughts:

This ends in a dusty old wine cellar and it 100% works for me. I guess if I was being very picky, it does feel kind of all over the place like a rollercoaster through the hits of Scotch whisky. But it’s a rollercoaster I want to be on.

Taste 7

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Soft orchard fruit — plums, pears, quince — mingle on the nose with a light sense of roasting sage, thyme, and rosemary — all fresh and oily — before a mild note of old cellar oak and dried prosciutto skins arrive.

Palate: The taste leans into the orchard fruit before curing everything with salt, creating a tart yet salted plum/apricot/pear vibe that leads to soft yet dry cacao with a hint of spice barks.

Finish: Those spice barks get sharp and peppery on the finish as the chocolate mellows toward salted figs, plums, and pears that have just been kissed with cherry smoke.

Initial Thoughts:

This feels classic and fresh at the same time. Maybe it’s too “classic” but that’s me really stretching to not just say “it’s amazing.”

Taste 8

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

Tasting Notes:

Nose: There’s a classic sense of old and sweet malts on the nose that leads you to sweet and floral perfume that’s so subtle and enticing before a hint of sticky toffee pudding and geranium bound toward old mint rolled into chocolate malts.

Palate: The palate has a soft and salted toffee with honey nut cluster dusted with light notes of sweet winter spice and floral orchard blossoms before a hint more of honey and sweet old oak arrives.

Finish: That sweet oak drives the finish toward nutty creaminess, old orchard wood, and a sense of soft summer flowers with a hint of malt cookies cut with raisin and cinnamon.

Initial Thoughts:

This is incredibly succinct while delivering an incredible depth and overall experience. This is wildly good whisky.

Part 2 — The Ultra-Rare Scotch Whisky Ranking

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

8. World Whiskey Society 31-Year-Old Single Malt Scotch Whisky Distilled by Macallan Distillery — Taste 6

The Macallan 31yo
The World Whiskey Society

ABV: 53.7%

Average Price: $9,999

The Whisky:

The World Whiskey Society bottled this amazingly rare whisky this year. The whisky in this very bespoke bottle is from a single 31-year-old sherry cask that The Macallan had in its warehouses. It was bottled at cask strength, which means only 71 bottles were filled.

Bottom Line:

This felt like the most wide-reaching pour and lacked a little bit of focus. There was just a lot going on and it almost started to feel overwhelming. That said, I kind of wanted to be overwhelmed because everything was amped up to 11 and delicious.

I’d reach for this if I wanted to think about the whisky I was drinking and really ponder it. This is a thinkin’ whisky!

7. The GlenDronach Grandeur Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 28 Years — Taste 4

The GlenDronach Grandeur
Brown-Forman

ABV: 48.9%

Average Price: $800

The Whisky:

The GlenDronach Grandeur Batch 11 was created by Dr. Rachel Barrie (who also created the BenRiach above). Dr. Barrie hand-selected a tiny number of rare Pedro Ximénez and oloroso Sherry casks that were filled with The GlenDronach malt almost 30 years ago. Those barrels were vatted and bottled with a touch of water into just over 3,000 bottles.

Bottom Line:

That bold warmth and deep woodiness is a lot. This is not for the passive whisky drinker. This is for something looking to be challenged. I’d pour this over a single large rock and be very happy.

6. The Singleton of Glen Ord Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 40 Years — Taste 7

The Singleton of Glen Ord Single Malt Scotch Whisky Aged 40 Years
Diageo

ABV: 45.9%

Average Price: $1,127

The Whiskey:

This new release from The Singleton of Glen Ord is a well-aged masterpiece. The malt spent 12 years aging in old bourbon casks before being re-barreled into fresh used oak for another 37 years. Finally, those barrels were vatted and that whisky was re-filled into a mix of rum casks which were ex-solera rum casks of Zacapa XO Rum and Zacapa Royal Rum. Finally, the whisky was vatted and bottled as-is.

Bottom Line:

If you’re looking for the best “classic” unpeated single malt experience that will not challenge you, this is the pour for you.

5. The Glenlivet Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Sample Room Collection 25 Years Of Age — Taste 3

The Glenlivet 25
Pernod Ricard

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $499

The Whisky:

This masterpiece from Glenlivet is their iconic whisky that’s left to mature for 25 years. That whisky is finished in first-fill Pedro Ximenez sherry and Troncais oak cognac casks for that final chef’s kiss before going in the bottle at an incredibly accessible 80 proof.

Bottom Line:

This was more than classic unpeated malt. This felt (and tasted) quintessential. It’s so deep and satisfying while feeling like going home again for the holidays.

4. Glenglassaugh Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky 46 Years Old — Taste 2

Glenglassaugh Highland Single Malt
Brown-Forman

ABV: 41.7%

Average Price: $4,800

The Whiskey:

Glenglassaugh is a reborn distillery in Scotland — having operated from the 1800s to the 1980s before getting mothballed for over two decades before its resurgence in 2008. This is important to know in that the whiskey in this bottle was made in 1975 during the last years of the distillery’s 20th-century heyday. Living legend Master Blender Rachel Barrie found this barrel (a bourbon cask) in the stocks, and by some sort of whisky miracle, there was juice in the barrel. That whisky was bottled as-is at barrel strength and sent exclusively to the U.S.

Bottom Line:

This is great whisky. If you’re looking for a killer single malt with a hint of Kentucky bourbon lurking in the profile, give this a shot.

3. The Balvenie Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Tale of the Dog Aged 42 Years — Taste 8

The Balvenie Tale of the Dog
William Grant & Sons

ABV: 47%

Average Price: $18,799

The Whiskey:

This whisky was named after a famed whisky thief — or “dog” — that was flattened to stop too much whisky being thieved back in the day. The actual whisky in the bottle is from two casks that were put on the racks in 1974 and 1978 and left alone.

Bottom Line:

This is an incredibly delicious whisky. And at this point in the ranking, I’m splitting hairs so microscopic that you’d need a NASA-grade microscope to see them.

2. Glenfiddich Suspended Time Aged 30 Years, Time Re:Imagined Collection — Taste 1

Glenfiddich Suspended Time 30
William Grant & Sons

ABV: 43%

Average Price: $1,399

The Whisky:

This new line from Glenfiddich is all about slow and steady aging over decades. In this case, this ultra-rare whisky was aged for three decades in ex-bourbon and ex-sherry casks until it hit a perfect point for batching, proofing, and bottling this year.

Bottom Line:

This has the perfect balance of being incredibly deep but still 100% accessible. You feel like you’re being nourished with every sip. The word “perfect” actually pops into your head when you sip it.

1. The BenRiach Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky The Forty — Taste 5

The BenRiach The Forty
Brown-Forman

ABV: 43.5%

Average Price: $4,500

The Whisky:

Legendary Master Blender Rachel Barrie assembled this from a few select barrels that survived to 40 years. The peated malt rested in both bourbon casks and Port casks. Those barrels were batched and just kissed with water for this amazingly rare bottling.

Bottom Line:

This stuff is amazing. It’s just… amazing. Get me a thesaurus — I’m at a loss for words.

Part 3 — Final Thoughts on the Ultra-Rare Scotch Whisky

Rare Scotch Whisky
Zach Johnston

I’m going to be honest here. The top four whiskies on this list are all basically tied for first. The difference between them quality-wise or taste-wise is so minuscule that it’s silly. Then the bottom four are all there because they offer something a little different from each other. But they’re all incredible pours, too.

Look at it this way, go back through the tasting notes and find the whisky that speaks to you. Then hit up the best whisky bar you know and maybe you’ll get to try one of these too. Or hit those price links and see if you can score a bottle in your neck of the woods. These are truly amazing whisky experiences that will deliver something special in every single nose and sip.

Moreover, these whiskies feel like you’re getting a truly once-in-a-lifetime experience. You can’t put a price on that.

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Report: The Jets Won’t Be Especially Cooperative With NFL Films While They’re On ‘Hard Knocks’

Hard Knocks is headed to New York this training camp, and the team that is slated to appear on the show seems pretty upset about the arrangement. Last week, it was announced that the New York Jets were selected from the list of eligible teams — the Bears, Commanders, Jets, and Saints — to appear on HBO’s annual series that takes football fans inside of training camp.

The problem here is that the Jets have been pretty clear in their desire to avoid the show, with head coach Robert Saleh saying earlier this offseason that Hard Knocks is not for them and star quarterback Aaron Rodgers saying “they forced it down our throats” after the decision was made. And on Monday’s episode of Get Up!, ESPN’s Adam Schefter made clear that the Jets are going to take a more reserved approach to things.

“The Jets fought it all along,” Schefter said at the 2:50 mark of the above video. “They met with NFL Films, and told them clear as day: We don’t want to do this. And while you’re all talking about the last time the Jets did it with Rex Ryan and Mike Tannenbaum, they were along for the ride. This group is not along for the ride, and Hard Knocks will not be the same because they’re not gonna be given the same access. The Jets don’t believe it’s human to show players being released, so it would surprise me if we see them this summer.

“This is a partnership, this is a relationship, and the Jets are not interested in being partners with NFL Films, no matter what they say,” he continued. “So, they’re gonna go in there because it is, as Aaron Rodgers says, being forced down their throats. But the Jets are not going to provide the level of cooperation that the Lions provided last year or that other teams have provided in other years. And essentially, in the end, because the Jets were unwilling to go along with it, and because the Commanders don’t have the new owner approved yet and the league couldn’t go there, the league wanted to go to the Jets. The Jets didn’t want [it]. That’s why they waited until last week, because there was no other option and the league said, essentially, to the Jets, you’re doing it and that’s the way it’s gonna go down.”

The Jets certainly deserve some credit if they’re going to look out for guys who are getting cut by not making a big deal out of that, although that appears to be more speculation by Schefter than anything. Regardless, it seems pretty clear that few, if any, folks in New York want this, and we’ll have to wait and see what happens on Hard Knocks as a result.

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We’re Naming The Best Tasting Healthy Item At Each Of The Big Fast Food Chains

The words “healthy” and “fast food” pretty much seem at complete odds with one another. But that doesn’t mean that just because you’re pressed for time, out of the house, and trying to get fed on the cheap, you have to subject yourself to total garbage, deep-fried food, and empty calories (ditch the soda… unless you really love it). Truth be told, underneath all the decadent double cheeseburgers, epic burritos, cheese fries, and spicy chicken sandwiches, there are some sensible well-balanced meals out there in the fast food landscape.

In the past, we broke down and ranked five of the most popular and healthiest fast food meals you can find right now, but that left a lot of different restaurants out of the picture entirely. If your favorite wasn’t included in that short list, we feel you — which is why now we’re shouting out the best-tasting healthy dishes at every major chain across the fast food universe.

Sadly, this is simpler/ shorter than it sounds — a lot of fast food joints have dropped any semblance of healthy eating from their menu.

Before we dive in let us say this: we’re not saying these are the healthiest dishes at each restaurant. Instead, what we’re looking for is something that is healthy and sensible from a caloric/sodium/fat content standpoint, but still tastes good and doesn’t feel like you’re compromising flavor in favor of nutritional stats. If a brand isn’t on this list — Arbys, Burger King, McDonald’s — it’s because they aren’t even trying to cater to the health-conscious anymore.

Let’s dive in!

Chick-fil-A — Grilled Chicken Sandwich

Healthy
Chick-fil-A

Calories: 390
Fat: 12g
Sodium: 770mg
Carbs: 44g
Protein: 28g

Tasting Notes:

It’s easy to overlook Chick-fil-A’s Grilled Chicken Sandwich because the chain is known for its fried chicken sandwich and it does that pretty damn well. But guess what? This just might be the best grilled chicken sandwich in the whole game!

Despite the way it looks, this chicken filet is incredibly juicy and well marinated with a lemon juice and black pepper-dominated flavor further seasoned by some grill-charred notes and a tender texture that is easy to chew through, no sauce required.

The sandwich is built on a multigrain bun with leaf lettuce and super ripe tomatoes which bring a nice fresh vibe to the whole sandwich. In fact, I think the lettuce and tomato work better here than on the fried version of the sandwich.

If you feel like cheating a little bit, go ahead and add cheese to this sandwich for an even better experience, your choices are American (gross), Colby Jack (delicious, creamy, and salty), and Pepper Jack (the best option).

The Bottom Line:

Good enough that once you have it, some days you’ll opt for this sandwich over its fried counterpart.

Find your nearest Chick-fil-A here.

Chipotle — Uproxx Custom Burrito Bowl

Healthy Fast
Dane Rivera

Calories: 670
Fat: 21g
Sodium: NA
Carbs: 78g
Protein: 44g

Tasting Notes:

This is probably the third or fourth time we’ve recommended four custom Chipotle Burrito Bowl build, but we’re not going to stop anytime soon because we have created, without a doubt, the best Chipotle Burrito Bowl ever.

We did extensive building to get this just right. Here’s the build:

  • barbacoa
  • pinto beans
  • white rice
  • extra fajitas
  • tomatillo red salsa
  • roasted corn salsa
  • cheese
  • lettuce
  • a drizzle of jalapeño tabasco (which for some reason Chipotle keeps by the soda machine).

What you’ll get with that build is forkful after forkful of smokey, earthy, and spicy flavors that finish sweet courtesy of a mix of cumin, oregano, and other spices. Best of all, thanks to the fajitas, this dish is incredibly aromatic and the way the flavors soak into the rice is heaven for your palate.

We went with white rice for our build and we think the stats look great, but feel free to up the fiber by swapping white rice for brown.

The Bottom Line:

Just try it, you won’t be disappointed. If you’re going Keto, check out our keto bowl build here.

Find your nearest Chipotle here.

El Pollo Loco Classic Double Chicken Chopped Salad

Healthy Fast
El Pollo Loco

Calories: 490
Fat: 14g
Sodium: 900mg
Carbs: 14g
Protein: 48g

Tasting Notes:

The best thing about El Pollo Loco is just about everything on the menu is healthy, it’s all based on flame-grilled chicken, so you can’t really go wrong with this entire menu. Having said that, if you want one of the healthiest dishes that doesn’t skimp on flavor, you have to go with the Double Chicken Chopped Salad.

It’s more chicken than you’ll need (which is a good problem to have) mixed with buttery slices of fresh avocado, earthy pumpkin seeds, creamy queso fresco, some admittedly forgettable greens, spicy and fresh pico de Gallo, and a nice creamy cilantro dressing that enhances the freshness of the salad with a cool peppery finish. But why stop at the cilantro dressing? Add avocado salsa to the whole thing for a sharp kick of heat.

It comes dangerously close to besting what Chipotle has to offer at less than half of the price.

The Bottom Line:

Hands down one of the best salads in all of fast food.

Find your nearest El Pollo Loco here.

Jack in the Box — Chicken Fajita Pita

Healthy Fast
Jack in the Box

Calories: 320
Fat: 9g
Sodium: 67-mg
Carbs: 34g
Protein: 27g

Tasting Notes:

Jack in the Box used to have a variety of delicious salads that were operating on the level of Wendy’s and then the pandemic happened and fast food brands started to ditch salads completely to simplify their menus. So unfortunately, while I would’ve liked to recommend the Southwest Chicken Salad from Jack in the Box, it’s not a thing anymore — so I’m going with the Fajita Pita.

This sandwich (wrap?) isn’t the best I’m not going to lie, it features bland grilled chicken, shredded cheddar cheese, lettuce, grilled onions, and tomato all mixed together and served in a whole grain pita with a side of roasted salsa. The salsa, grilled onions, and tomato do a lot of the flavoring for this thing — it’s savory and has a slight umami-backed flavor to it — but alas, it never really satisfies the way you want it to. It feels like it’s missing some crucial ingredient to wrap it all together.

So why did it make this list? Because it’s the only relatively healthy thing you can order at Jack in the Box, and that’s something right? Right?!

The Bottom Line:

Skip this one, but if you end up at a Jack in the Box and want something relatively healthy this is your best option.

Find your nearest Jack in the Box here.

Panda Express — String Bean Chicken Breast

Healthy Food
Panda Express

Calories: 190 + 380 (White Rice)
Fat: 8g
Sodium: 840mg
Carbs: 34g + 87g (White Rice)
Protein: 19g + 7g (White Rice)

Tasting Notes:

Panda Express has a whole bunch of different delicious and sensible protein options on the menu, but the String Bean Chicken Breast is hands down our favorite, it also has the least amount of calories — so it really feels like a win-win.

Sampling this dish in preparation for this article made me realize that I’ve been sleeping on Panda Express, this is some deliciously flavorful food.

The chicken is tender and juicy with a soft floral ginger flavor and a touch of sweetened soy sauce, which works well with the vegetal qualities and wonderful crunch of the string beans and onions. It’s delicious enough that you could eat a bowl of just the chicken and veggies and be satisfied, no rice required.

But rice certainly makes it a meal, so we included the stats assuming you’re going to get rice.

The Bottom Line:

Delicious and incredibly flavorful without compromise.

Find your nearest Panda Express here.

Flame Broiler — Chicken Veggie Bowl with Avocado

Healthy Fast
Flame Broiler

Calories: 780
Fat: 4.5g
Sodium: 1250mg
Carbs: 102g
Protein: 53g

Tasting Notes:

If you’re looking for the best teriyaki bowl from a fast food chain restaurant, nobody does it like Flame Broiler (your local Japanese teriyaki bowl place is likely even better, but those are few and far between). The chicken is fresh, never frozen, and grilled to perfection.

Our favorite bowl is the veggie bowl which features steamed carrot and broccoli, white rice, and chicken cooked in what Flame Broiler calls “Magic Sauce,” which is a bold thing to call something that is essentially a cheap form of teriyaki sauce that goes heavy on the sweetness.

In addition to the magic sauce, Flame Broiler also provides Hot Sauce, Jalapeño hot sauce, and Seoul Scorcher. None of these sauces are quite as good as the magic sauce, but if you’re looking or some extra heat definitely grab the Seoul Scorcher — it tastes a bit like gochujang.

Flame Broiler’s flavors are simple, just heavily charred chicken over neutral white rice and bright steamed veggies with a touch of sweetness. Where the bowl really comes alive is by adding slices of fresh avocado, which adds a savory and buttery component that pairs really nicely with the flame-forward flavor of the chicken.

The Bottom Line:

The gold standard for fast food teriyaki bowls.

Find your nearest Flame Broiler here.

In-N-Out — Tomato Wrap Cheeseburger

Tomato
Dane Rivera

Calories: 520
Fat: 39g
Sodium: 1160mg
Carbs: 11g
Protein: 33g

Tasting Notes:

The In-N-Out Tomato Wrap dunks on the Protein Style. Instead of wrapping your delicious salty cheeseburger in lettuce, which just creates a mess, opt to have it wrapped in tomato instead. You get four slices of juicy thick tomato serving as the perfect bun, best of all with four tomatoes this burger is so juicy that you don’t even need sauce, which will save you nearly 100 calories.

The combination of grilled onions, juicy tomato, and meat will provide a savory umami-packed flavor that is as mouthwatering as a burger with a bun.

The Bottom Line:

Better than lettuce wrapped — try it and you’ll never look back.

Find your nearest In-N-Out here.

Panera — Napa Almond Chicken Salad on Country Rustic Sourdough

Healthy
Panera

Calories: 640
Fat: 25g
Sodium: 970mg
Carbs: 78g
Protein: 27g

Tasting Notes:

Chick-fil-a’s grilled chicken sandwich is what I call a “starter sandwich.” It gets you comfortable with the idea of a grilled chicken sandwich over a fried one, but if you want something that truly goes all out while still being healthy and sensible, you have to go with Panera’s Napa Almond Chicken Salad on Country Rustic Sourdough.

The sandwich features sliced chicken, celery, red grapes, toasted almonds, tomatoes, greens, and salt and pepper, all brought together with a sweet honey and vinegar-based sauce served over some tangy and wonderfully chewy sourdough.

This is a treat for the palate, it combines pleasing bitter notes with nutty tones, earthy and fragrant pepper notes, bright vegetal qualities, and a hint of sweet sour goodness. The sauce and tomato end each bite with a tangy and savory umami quality that makes this sandwich incredibly satisfying.

The Bottom Line:

An elevated fast food grilled chicken sandwich on delicious bread. Level it up (and up the calories) with some fresh avocado.

Find your nearest Panera here.

Starbucks — Spinach Feta and Egg White Wrap

Healthy
Starbucks

Calories: 290
Fat: 8g
Sodium: 840mg
Carbs: 34g
Protein: 19g

Tasting Notes:

Here is the thing about the Starbucks Spinach Feta and Egg White Wrap — it is easily the weakest option on this entire list. My suggestion is to actually skip out on food entirely from Starbucks and just grab a pack of Madelines, but that’s not exactly healthy, is it?

As it stands, this wrap will have a small footprint in your overall daily intake of calories and fat while providing enough protein and energy to get you through a good chunk of hours. The wrap features egg whites mixed with spinach, feta cheese, and sun-dried tomato cream cheese in a wheat wrap.

The dominant flavors are a mix of dirty salty flavors with a bright and tangy aftertaste courtesy of the sun-dried tomato cream cheese.

The Bottom Line:

It’ll satisfy for a couple of hours, but it’s not the most exciting meal you’ll ever eat. Having said that, nothing at Starbucks is — people who buy food from Starbucks are weird!

Find your nearest Starbucks here.

Taco Bell — Black Bean Crunchwrap Supreme

Crunchwrap
Taco Bell

Calories: 520
Fat: 18g
Sodium: 1100mg
Carbs: 77g
Protein: 13g

Tasting Notes:

Originally we were going to shout out the Power Bowl as the prime healthy option at Taco Bell but… have you ever had a Power Bowl? It’s awful. Mostly because it relies too heavily on rice and lettuce, two ingredients that Taco Bell straight-up sucks at.

So we’re going with the Black Bean Crunchwrap Supreme. Is it sodium and carb-heavy? Yes, but it’s delicious, and a meal that’ll satisfy as good as a burger with less than half the calories.

This Crunchwrap features a mix of black beans, nacho cheese sauce, tomatoes, reduced-fat sour cream, and lettuce, on top of a tostada shell wrapped in a giant flour tortilla. The black beans add texture and a heavy earthy flavor, while the cheese sauce brings in a strong salty component to this super crunchy meal. The rest of the ingredients are there simply there for texture.

The Bottom Line:

Watch your sodium intake, aside from that the Black Bean Crunchwrap is a hearty yet sensible meal.

Find your nearest Taco Bell here.

Waba Grill — White Meat Chicken Veggie Bowl

Healthy Fast
Waba Grill

Calories: 710
Fat: 5g
Sodium: 2505
Carbs: 113g
Protein: 47g

Tasting Notes:

Generally, in a chicken teriyaki rice bowl, I’ll opt for dark meat because it’s significantly more flavorful and much juicier than white meat, especially white meat that has been flame grilled. But at Waba Grill I’m going to have to recommend the white meat, Waba’s dark meat is way too fatty and chewy. Calorically, it’s the same, but I saved you at least a couple of fat grams, so — you’re welcome!

This bowl features grilled white meat, steamed rice, broccoli, and carrot. The sauce, which is a simple teriyaki-style sauce (it lacks the complex and sweet mirin and sake blend that makes true teriyaki sauce have such a nice depth of flavor) is cooked on the chicken, which caramelizes really nicely and provides enough sweet flavor that you shouldn’t need any extra sauce. The broccoli supplies some bitter earthiness which works as a nice counterbalance to the sauce while the carrot enhances and deepens the sweet flavors.

My only criticism is that I would prefer a bit more char on the meat. You can order this bowl with brown rice, but I find Waba Grill’s brown rice to be very mushy.

The Bottom Line:

A delicious healthy meal that doesn’t sacrifice flavor in any way. It’s not quite as good as Flame Broiler, but it’s close.

Find your nearest Waba Grill here.

Wendy’s — Apple Pecan Salad

Healthy
Wendy

Calories: 450 + 90 (Dressing)
Fat: 25g + 3g (Dressing)
Sodium: 1230mg (Fried Chicken) + 190mg (Dressing)
Carbs: 28g
Protein: 32g

Tasting Notes:

Wendy’s is one of the few big fast food brands that still have salads, and that is thanks to the fact that Wendy’s is one of the few big fast food brands that can put together a decent salad in the first place. The Apple Pecan combines diced red and green apples, pecans, cranberries, and bleu cheese crumbles, and is topped with either Wendy’s spicy, homestyle, or grilled chicken served over some romaine and green leaf lettuce.

The flavors are a shifting mix of salty, sweet, fruity, and nutty sensations which are pulled together by Wendy’s pomegranate vinaigrette dressing — which helps to accentuate the sweetness from the apples and cranberry — and the tartness from the… cranberry and apples. It’s a really well-thought-out and considered salad and, unfortunately, you don’t see too much of that in fast food anymore.

The Bottom Line:

A delicious salad that actually tastes like someone somewhere thought really hard about how these flavors complement and elevate one another.

Find your nearest Wendy’s here.

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Please Enjoy Jeff Teague Talking About The Time KG Barked At Him During A Game

Jeff Teague had a very solid 11-year career in the NBA, spending most of his time with the Atlanta Hawks before stops in Indiana, Minnesota, Boston, and Milwaukee (where he got a ring as part of the 2021 title team).

While in the league, Teague was not known much as a talker, as he was usually pretty quiet and didn’t tend to talk a lot in the media — I covered Jeff for 5 years in Atlanta and he was usually happier to talk about wrestling than he was basketball. As such, I would not have figured he would enter the podcasting space and be one of the best at it, but that has been exactly what has happened since retiring.

Teague’s Club 520 Podcast has become a viral sensation as clips of Teague telling incredible stories from his time in the league get passed around TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter. What makes Teague’s podcast so funny is that he doesn’t use it to try and make his career seem better than it was, instead he actually tends to make himself out to be far worse than he really was. He’s constantly telling stories about run-ins he’s had with stars talking shit to him, including a hilarious story at the end of their episode with Glen Robinson III about Kevin Garnett following him into the tunnel after he airballed a game-winner — and then later got on all fours and barked at him during a game.

Teague’s ability to laugh at himself is quite rare for a professional athlete, and I really do love how so many of his stories, even that start off about his best moments, tend to be followed up with him talking about how he very quickly messed up or was terrified in the moment. In this one, it starts as him talking about his favorite dunk coming against Ray Allen and the Celtics, only for him to ruin it at the end of the game by pulling up for a game-winner that missed everything.

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Lil Durk Canceled Multiple Dates On His ‘Sorry For The Drought Tour’ After A Health Scare

It’s a bad week for tour news. Just a day after Lil Baby unceremoniously dumped several dates from his upcoming It’s Only Us Tour — and saw tour opener The Kid Laroi jump ship in turn — Baby’s frequent collaborator Lil Durk has also canceled a slew of upcoming dates, per XXL. While Baby’s cancellations are being blamed on poor ticket sales, though, Durk’s Sorry For The Drought Tour dates were 86ed after the Chicago rapper was hospitalized with “severe dehydration,” according to TMZ. After a week-long stay, he was told not to travel, prompting the cancellations.

In a statement, he said, “My fans mean everything to me, you’re the reason why I do this. I was looking forward to touching all of my European fans, performing this week(end), attending the ESPYs and more but after performing and traveling daily I’ve become severely dehydrated and advised by my doctors not to travel due to exhaustion. Once I get my full energy back, it’s back to business which I’m looking forward to.”

Durk’s tour now consists of just five dates, including Tampa, a pair of Chicago dates, Indiana, and Houston. It’s unclear whether his opening acts DD Osama, Kodak Black, and NLE Choppa will join him.

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To The Surprise Of No One, ‘Barbie’ And ‘Oppenheimer’ Are Indeed Set To Lead A Massive Box Office Weekend

“Do you guys ever think about dying?”

Analysts don’t agree on what Barbie will make when it lands in theaters this weekend, but they all think it’s gonna be pretty big. According to Variety, the estimates range from Warner Bros. claiming $75 million to exhibitors claiming $140 million, and a common sense average of around $100 million.

So far, this summer has been a season of missteps. Elemental, The Flash, and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny all underperformed, calling into question the bankability of blockbusters going forward. Greta Gerwig’s tongue-in-cheek adaptation of a famous plastic doll seeks to reset the narrative alongside it’s natural enemy/lover Oppenheimer, which analysts expect to see earn $50 million on far fewer screens.

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One already earned a quarter of a billion international gross last weekend, so the prospect of another big Friday-to-Sunday run (you just pictured Tom Cruise running) combined with Barbie and Oppenheimer might make this the biggest box office weekend of the summer.

Sadly, AMC Theaters have reported that only about 40,000 people have bought double feature tickets for Barbie and Oppenheimer, a number that should be well into the millions. There’s only one shot at seeing them both in one go.

Until they’re both available to watch on a flight, and Christopher Nolan will slap you in the face if you do it that way. Probably Gerwig, too. Get it together, people.

(via Variety)