Month: September 2023

With anticipation for Drake’s album For All The Dogs ratcheting up every passing day, there are certainly some fans wondering which of the Toronto rapper’s A-list friends will make appearances on the tracklist. While he’s had quite the run with 21 Savage lately, he’s also had some impressive runs throughout his career with the likes of Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, and Travis Scott.

But there’s one artist he’s close with we haven’t seen him collaborate with for a long time: Nicki Minaj. While the two Young Money artists rose in parallel with each other, in recent years, they’ve worked together less than they did when they were starting out. So, understandably there are plenty of fans wondering whether they’ll reunite on one of their upcoming albums (Nicki’s Pink Friday 2 is due in November).

Fortunately, they’re getting some good news on that front. During an interview with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe, Nicki revealed that she’ll have a guest appearance on Drake’s upcoming album. “You know, I have a song on Drake’s album coming out soon too,” she said. “I love the song so much. I’ll just say I really love the song. I know my fans are going to love the song. I know the world’s going to love the song. And that’s all I will say about that.” As far as whether he is planning to return the favor, Nicki joked, “Barbz, make sure y’all let Drizzy Drake know that Pink Friday 2 is coming out November 17th as well. And we are waiting on his contribution.”

You can check out the full episode here.

Nearly 12 percent of the U.S. population lives in poverty. That’s more than one in ten Americans—and the percent is even higher for children.

If you’re not up on the current numbers, the federal poverty line is $12,760 for an individuals and $26,200 for a family of four. If those annual incomes sound abysmally low, it’s because they are. And incredibly, the Trump administration has proposed lowering the poverty line further, which would make more poor Americans ineligible for needed assistance.

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However, debates over the poverty line don’t even capture the full extent of Americans struggling to make ends meet. For many people, living above the poverty line is actually worse. These are the folks who make too much to qualify for aid programs but not enough to actually get by—a situation millions of working American families find themselves stuck in.

Amy Jo Hutchison is a single mother of two living in West Virginia, and a community organizer for West Virginia Healthy Kids and Families and Our Future West Virginia. She has also lived in poverty and been part of the working poor herself. In an impassioned speech, she spoke to the House Committee on Oversight and Reform about what poverty really looks like for working families—and even called out Congress for being completely out of touch with what it takes for a family to live on while they’re spending $40,000 a year on office furniture.

Watch Hutchison’s testimony here (transcript included below):

Ms. Hutchison Testimony on Proposed Changes to the Poverty Line Calculation

“I’m here to help you better understand poverty because poverty is my lived experience. And I’m also here to acknowledge the biased beliefs that poor people are lazy and the poverty is their fault. But how do I make you understand things like working full-time for $10 an hour is only about $19,000 a year, even though it’s well above the federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour?

I want to tell you about a single mom I met who was working at a gas station. She was promoted to manager within 30 days. She had to report her new income the DHHR within 60 days. Her rent bumped from $475 to $950 a month, she lost her SNAP benefits and her family’s health insurance, so she did what poor people are forced to do all the time. She resigned her promotion and went back to working part-time, just so she and her family could survive.

Another single mom I know encouraged her kids to get jobs. For her DHHR review she had to claim their income as well. She lost her SNAP benefits and her insurance, so she weaned herself off of her blood pressure medicines because she—working full-time in a bank and part-time at a shop on the weekends—couldn’t afford to buy them. Eventually the girls quit their jobs because their part-time fast food income was literally killing their mother.

You see the thing is children aren’t going to escape poverty as long as they’re relying on a head of household who is poor. Poverty rolls off the backs of parents, right onto the shoulders of our children, despite how hard we try.

I can tell you about my own with food insecurity the nights I went to bed hungry so my kids could have seconds, and I was employed full time as a Head Start teacher. I can tell you about being above the poverty guideline, nursing my gallbladder with essential oils and prayer, chewing on cloves and eating ibuprofen like they’re Tic Tacs because I don’t have health insurance and I can’t afford a dentist. I have two jobs and a bachelor’s degree, and I struggle to make ends meet.

The federal poverty guidelines say that I’m not poor, but I cashed in a jar full of change the other night so my daughter could attend a high school band competition with her band. I can’t go grocery shopping without a calculator. I had to decide which bills not to pay to be here in this room today. Believe me, I’ve pulled myself up by the bootstraps so many damn times that I’ve ripped them off.

The current poverty guidelines are ridiculously out of touch. The poverty line for a family of three is $21,720. Where I live, because of the oil and gas boom, a 3-bedroom home runs for $1,200 a month. So if I made $22,000 a year, which could disqualify me from assistance, I would have $8000 left to raise two children and myself on. And yet the poverty guidelines wouldn’t classify me as poor.

I Googled ‘congressman salary’ the other day and according to Senate gov the salary for Senators representatives and delegates is $174,000 a year so a year of work for you is the equivalent of almost four years of work for me. I’m $24,000 above the federal poverty guidelines definition of poor. It would take nine people working full-time for a year at $10 an hour to match y’all’s salary. I also read that each senator has authorized $40,000 dollars for state office furniture and furnishings, and this amount is increased each year to reflect inflation.

That $40,000 a year for furniture is $360 more than the federal poverty guidelines for a family of seven, and yet here I am begging you on behalf of the 15 million children living in poverty in the United States—on behalf of the one in three kids under the age of five and nearly 100,000 children in my state of West Virginia living in poverty—to not change anything about these federal poverty guidelines until you can make them relevant and reflect what poverty really looks like today.

You have a $40,000 dollar furniture allotment. West Virginia has a median income of $43,000 and some change. People are working full-time and are hungry. Kids are about to be kicked off the free and reduced lunch rolls because of changes y’all want to make to SNAP, even though 62 percent of West Virginia SNAP recipients are families with children—the very same children who cannot take a part-time job because their parents will die without insurance. People are working full-time in this country for very little money.

They’re not poor enough to get help. They don’t make enough to get by. They’re working while their rationing their insulin and their skipping their meds because they can’t afford food and healthcare at the same time.

So shame on you. Shame on you, and shame on me, and shame on each and every one of us who haven’t rattled the windows of these buildings with cries of outrage at a government that thinks their office furniture is worthy of $40,000 a year and families and children aren’t.

I’m not asking you to apologize for your privilege but I’m asking you to see past it. There are 46 million Americans living in poverty doing the best they know how with what they have and we, in defense of children and families, cannot accept anything less from our very own government.”

In addition to Hutchison’s testimony, a coalition of 26 patient organizations, including the American Cancer Society Action Network, American Heart Association, and United Way, wrote a joint letter opposing the proposed lowering of the poverty line, stating:

“The current Official Poverty Measure (OPM) is based on an old formula that already does not fully capture those living in poverty and does not accurately reflect basic household expenses for families, including by underestimating child care and housing expenses. The proposed changes to the inflation calculation would reduce the annual adjustments to the poverty measure and therefore may exacerbate existing weaknesses, putting vulnerable Americans – including those with serious and chronic diseases – at great risk. Further lowering the poverty line would also give policymakers and the public less credible information about the number and characteristics of Americans living in poverty.”

This article originally appeared on 03.10.20

“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”

In October 2016, that was a quote from Albert Einstein that sat atop the Facebook page of Tim McMillan, a police officer in Georgia.

McMillan become a sensation after a post he wrote on his Facebook wall went viral in 2016. In his post, he explains how he pulled over a Black teen for texting while driving:

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“I pulled a car over last night for texting and driving. When I went to talk to the driver, I found a young black male, who was looking at me like he was absolutely terrified with his hands up. He said, ‘What do you want me to do officer?’ His voice was quivering. He was genuinely scared,” McMillan wrote.

But McMillan said he wasn’t interested in harassing or arresting the young man, let alone inflicting violence upon him. Nonetheless, the teen’s emotional response hit McMillan like a punch to the gut.

“I just looked at him for a moment, because what I was seeing made me sad. I said, ‘I just don’t want you to get hurt.’ In which he replied, with his voice still shaking, ‘Do you want me to get out of the car.’ I said, ‘No, I don’t want you to text and drive. I don’t want you to get in a wreck. I want your mom to always have her baby boy. I want you to grow up and be somebody. I don’t even want to write you a ticket. Just please pay attention, and put the phone down. I just don’t want you to get hurt,'” he wrote.

McMillan said the interaction made him reflect on a deeply personal level about the national attention being paid to acts of police violence against Black Americans, particularly young Black men.

“I truly don’t even care who’s fault it is that young man was so scared to have a police officer at his window. Blame the media, blame bad cops, blame protestors, or Colin Kaepernick if you want. It doesn’t matter to me who’s to blame. I just wish somebody would fix it.”

This story originally appeared on GOOD.

This article originally appeared on 08.31.18

New Year’s Eve is often a night filled with celebratory shots and champagne toasts. But as the party night fast approaches, one doctor is gently reminding folks the importance of partying responsibly during the holidays. Really, it’s a piece of advice that’s important all year long.

Dr. Brian Hoeflinger, an Ohio based neurosurgeon with over two decades of experience, has a TikTok channel filled with educational videos and lifestyle tips. But it’s his latest clip explaining just how long it takes our bodies to break down alcohol that has gone viral.

In the video, which was shared on Christmas Day, Dr. Hoeflinger sets the scene of a party where “a lot of drinks are going down” by setting up a bunch of shot glasses filled with water.

“Say you’re having five drinks in the first hour,” he says, taking five fake, water-filled shots. “As you’re taking them, that alcohol is building up in your system fast. [It] goes to your brain within five minutes and starts to affect you.”

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The same can’t be said for other parts of the body. As Dr. Hoeflinger noted, “your liver only metabolizes one ounce of alcohol per hour.” And according to Northwestern Medicine, that process only begins 20 minutes after consumption.

Hoflinger continues, “I’ve got five ounces of liquor in my system right now, and at the end of the hour I’m only going to burn off an ounce…so I’m going to have [four] ounces left in my bloodstream.”

@doctorhoeflinger Knowing this about drinking could save your life! #fyp #party #drinking #alcohol #foryou #holiday #christmas ♬ Storytelling – Adriel

Of course, there are different factors—such as body mass, hormones, medications, etc.—that affect someone’s rate of absorption. And yes, we might be able to form a functional tolerance where behaviorally, we show no signs of intoxication. However, even with all these variables, for the most part all bodies are affected by alcohol similarly. In other words, your blood alcohol level will be more or less the same, and the risks will remain even if you don’t “feel drunk.”

Hoeflinger continues, saying “the party’s rockin’, so we’re gonna have some more,” while taking three more shots and reminding viewers that he still has only burned off one ounce of liquor during the hour that’s passed.

Now he’s had a total of eight ounces of alcohol in two hours. He’s burned off two, but still has six ounces left in his system—meaning that in this scenario, it will take another six hours to completely burn off.

In hour three, Hoefligner takes one shot since the party is “winding down.” This brings him up to a total of nine ounces of alcohol over three hours. His liver has metabolized three ounces, leaving him (still) with six ounces of liquor left in his bloodstream.

“You’re going to be drunk well into the wee hours of the morning, it doesn’t wear off,” he warns, noting the common misconception people have that “they stop drinking an hour or two and can hop in the car and drive.” But in reality, “you can’t do that as you’re still drunk five, six hours down,” he explains.

Dr. Hoeflinger concludes his video by saying:

“For this holiday season the whole point is I really want to tell people that’s how alcohol can stack up in your system easily when you’re drunk and you won’t know it and it won’t wear off for hours and hours down the road.” This is followed by an urge for people to take an Uber or Lyft home to avoid potentially taking their own or another’s life.

The informative clip, which has been viewed over 13 million times, received a flood of praise from viewers online, especially from parents with kids of a drinking age.

“This is the first time I have ever had anyone explain this in this way. I am forwarding this to my son,” wrote one parent.

It also resonated among designated drivers. One person commented “thank you for caring and educating. I’m the sober ride. I’ve seen the devastation from drinking and driving.”

The topic hits Dr. Hoeflinger on a personal level as well. In a previous video, he shared that he lost his 18-year old son, who died nearly a decade ago from drunk driving. Coming from a medical professional, the plea to not drink and drive is important to hear. But as a parent, it hits different. As he shared in the clip, “losing somebody you love is one of the worst experiences you can have in your life.”

Though Hoeflinger focused on the effect of liquor in his party example, the principle applies to wine and beer as well. Healthline recommends only having one large glass of wine every three hours, and one pint of beer every two hours.

It also gives some best practices to avoid intoxication, including:

• Eat at least 1 hour before drinking.
• Sip your drinks slowly.
• Avoid shots, which you’re likely to down rather than sip.
• Don’t drink more than one standard drink per hour.
• Alternate between alcohol and nonalcoholic drinks, preferably water.
• Limit or avoid carbonated drinks, like champagne, sparkling wine, and cocktails mixed with soda.
• Sit down when drinking, since doing it while standing tends to make people drink faster.

And of course, don’t be afraid to get another ride home. For New Year’s Eve (and beyond), feel free to kick back and have fun. But let’s look out for one another by doing it safely.

This article originally appeared on 12.31.22

It’s hard to keep your home clean when you have a child, but when you have four, unless you have a live-in maid, it’s completely impossible. There is no dishwasher fast enough to keep up with the dishes in the sink and no magical point where all four children have it together enough to put their toys away.

The problem is that if you take your eyes off the prize and let a day go by without cleaning up, you’re practically drowning in chaos.

TikTok user and stay-at-home mom Bri James (aka @themessymama4) did the unthinkable and let her home go four days without tidying up and shared the incredible mess with everyone on TikTok.

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“I know I’m going to get roasted,” she says in the clip, “but … this is what happens when two really lazy adults have four kids and don’t clean up after themselves.”

The clip shows cutlery on the floor, empty packets everywhere, dishes piled a mile-high in the sink, and clothes and toys strewn everywhere. The house looks like the parents went away on a permanent vacation and left their kids to fend for themselves.

The video was praised by a lot of parents who are tired of seeing mommy influencers with spotless homes and children in matching linen outfits. Finally, there was a mom on TikTok they could relate to.

“I’d MUCH rather see you clean your realistic house than watch another blonde clean an already clean countertop,” Meghan Sanders wrote.

TikTokker Its_not_that_serious put things in perfect perspective. “Dude, at the end of the day all of their fingers and toes are attached and feeling safe and loved you’re doing fine. Someday the house will be clean,” they wrote.

“Having children is mentally and physically exhausting and you don’t always have the energy to clean every day,” Rose added.

But not everyone appreciated Bri’s slice of reality. Some people thought that her messiness was borderline neglectful and that she was setting a terrible example for her children.

“Set a good example for your kids. Make them help,” carleebocciaa wrote.

“Without children = fine, your choice. With children (especially small ones) = completely unacceptable,” ACZOgirly wrote.

Shortly after posting her first video, Bri got to work on the impossible task of cleaning up the entire house. Noticeably absent from the job were her spouse and four children. She appears to clean the entire place by herself.

She showed her cleaning prowess through a series of fast-motion videos.

@themessymama4

my butt does not look flattering in these Walmart lounge pants 🤦🏼‍♀️😅

Finally, at 9:30 p.m., Bri was done with most of the job, although she still had a bit of vacuuming to do and there were still some dishes in the sink. At the end of the job, she was exhausted. But she got the job done and that’s all that matters. It’s OK to let your house fall into disarray from time to time but eventually, you have to take care of business.

@themessymama4

TikTok · themessymama4

We’ll give TikTokker Sannon Martin the final word on this story because she hits the nail on the head. “Your home is exactly like mine,” she wrote. “Some days it’s a wreck and some days it looks amazing. That’s life. You’re doing great!”

This article originally appeared on 03.05.22

Jorja Smith announced her second studio album, Falling Or Flying, back in May, and this week, she revealed the tracklist and features. The album will be 16 tracks long and feature Lila Iké and J Hus, whose album Beautiful And Brutal Yard she appeared on in July. The album will also include the single “Little Things,” for which she released a rave-set video in May.

She also released a video for the title track, “Falling Or Flying,” which you can see above. In the video, Jorja sings in an underground lab set up like a hospital room, with the lyrics evoking the pining restlessness that comes from her uncertain standing in an undefined relationship. While she’s unsure that investing would be worth it, playing it cool has its drawbacks as well.

Falling Or Flying, the album, is due 9/29 via FAMM. It’s Jorja’s first full-length project since 2018’s Lost & Found and follows the 2021 EP Be Right Back, which featured the singles “Addicted,” “Bussdown,” “Come Over,” and “Gone.”

1. “Try Me”
2. “She Feels”
3. “Little Things”
4. “Flights Skit”
5. “Feelings” Feat. J Hus
6. “Falling Or Flying”
7. “Go Go Go”
8. “Try And Fit In”
9. “Greatest Gift” Feat. Lila Iké
10. “Broken Is The Man”
11. “Make Sense”
12. “Too Many Times”
13. “Lately”
14. “BT69 JJY”
15. “Backwards”
16. “What If My Heart Beats Faster?”

The Morning Joe crew could not contain their laughter while covering Ted Cruz‘s latest stunt. Despite being a wealthy United States senator who got caught fleeing to Cancun while a snowstorm crippled his state, the Texas politician desperately wants to be seen as your average, beer-drinking everyman. A real salt of the earth guy.

Unfortunately for Cruz, he’s not the greatest actor. While appearing on Eric Bolling’s Newsmax show, The Balance, Cruz fired back at new federal guidelines that could recommend that people cut back their alcohol consumption to two drinks a week. Keep in mind, this is nothing more than health advice with absolutely zero enforcement behind it of any kind. But that didn’t stop ol’ Ted from grabbing a beer with his best buds and pretending to chug it like a rootin’ tootin’ ranch hand who’s tired of Joe Biden telling him how to live his rugged life.

“Well, I’ve gotta tell you, if they want us to drink two beers a week, frankly they can kiss my ass,” Cruz said in the clip, which had the Morning Joe crew giggling at the ridiculous posturing.

“It’s just, the acting is so bad,” Willie Geist said while laughing. “That’s where the director calls cut, and steps in and says, ‘OK, that was a great first take. What we’re trying to do is simulate human behavior. So let’s try that again, the way people actually actually behave.’”

Via The Wrap:

“I totally disagree. That was Emmy-worthy stuff,” Sam Stein mocked. “It seemed really natural to me. This is what I do when I go out and drink with my buddies. I have them line up behind me, I grab the beer, and then when I drink, they subsequently drink in synchronization. And that’s usually how it’s done. I don’t know what kind of bars you go to in New York, Willie.”

After getting in a few more shots at Cruz, panelist Jennifer Palmieri wrapped things up by calling a spade a spade. “Fake outrage executed badly,” she said.

(Via The Wrap)

Uproxx’s latest cover star, pop singer Ashnikko, is giving fans the space to let their green thumb flourish. Seemingly inspired by the nature of their new album Weedkiller (which features tracks “Dying Star,” “Cheerleader,” and more), the musician has teamed up with Roblox and One Tree Planted for a partnership approved by Mother Nature herself.

Beginning today (September 1) at 3 pm ET, users of the game will have access to the singer’s new activation within Harmony Hills. After they’ve had the opportunity to explore the virtual world, they are encouraged to plant virtual trees in Ashnikko’s Community Garden. With each virtual tree planted, users are granted access to exclusive Ashnikko-inspired rewards, including free limited UGC (User-Generated Content) items.

The actions users take within the digital space will also have benefits in the real world, as each tree planted in Ashnikko’s Community Garden will support One Tree Planted’s restoration efforts. Proceeds from Ashnikko’s Weedkiller pre-orders will also go toward One Tree Planted’s mission.

The activation will be available in Roblox until September 28. Find more information here.

Weedkiller is out now via Parlophone Records. Find more information here.

Ashnikko is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

The RX is Uproxx Music’s stamp of approval for the best albums, songs, and music stories throughout the year. Inclusion in this category is the highest distinction we can bestow, and signals the most important music being released throughout the year. The RX is the music you need, right now.

Humility is often painted as a superpower that has its strength in being a cornerstone for one’s success. For it to work best, it’s sad that other dominant qualities must be submissive in its presence. Confidence works hand-in-hand with it while pride takes a back seat. The alleged beauty behind humility has been professed in numerous ways by many for centuries upon centuries. Confucius called humility the “solid foundation of all virtues” while Rick Pitino said it’s the “true key to success.” Though these examples are not wrong per se, a more accurate one, arguably, can be credited to William Law who said humility is “nothing else but a right judgment of ourselves.”

The “right judgment” portion of that quote is as subjective as ever and on her new album Jaguar II, Victoria Monét declares her own judgment of self and the world around her. The irony here is that through the project’s 11 songs, Monét’s right judgment of self actually sheds the humility that has lived beside her in a career that’s lasted over a decade. For years, Monét was known for her songwriting as she penned records for Diddy, Ariana Grande, Chris Brown, Fifth Harmony, Chloe X Halle, Blackpink, and more – all while working on her own music. It wasn’t until recently that the scales of both seemed to even out, something she wished for back in 2020. “[My] songwriting took off before my [own music] so it wasn’t like I made a decision, I was trying to do both,” she explained in Wonderland Magazine interview. “Now I’m just trying to even the playing field.”

Successful songwriters are often left to live in the shadows of the background making for a disconnect between that and their own releases. That hasn’t been the case as of late for Monét. If her 2020 EP Jaguar was the connection and spark, her debut album Jaguar II is the electric field and bright lights that rightfully resulted. Monét shines with blinding radiance on songs that find her as confident as ever from start to finish on her latest release. Whether it be through the shimmering dance number that is the Kaytranada-produced “Alright,” or the sexy and uplifting “Party Girls,” Monét finds a way to be simultaneously jaguar-like in her fearless approach and as sleek and classy as the luxury vehicle that shares her album’s namesake

At the very center of this album, comes multiple swipes at humility. Monét specifically calls out the extinction of humility in her world moments into “On My Mama.” She pierces through each line with unfiltered cockiness while allowing not an inch of doubt to creep into her statements so as to not invalidate them. More indirectly, we see Monét pop the collar of her fur coat on “Cadillac (A Pimp’s Anthem) while mocking the idea that women can’t be pimps. The tone of disgust is prominent on “Stop (Asking Me 4Shyt)” as she’s in disbelief at the requests a man makes to her for money and other items. Lastly, in what is one of the best moments on the album, Victoria Monét paints herself as a flawless gem on “I’m The One,” perfect in all ways and specifically crafted for a lover who fails to see her as this fairytale love story. Humility often calls for a level of timidness and reservation in how one presents themselves, but for Monét this moment had been over a decade in the making. There isn’t room for dimming the light that she wired tirelessly to make shine.

The Victoria Monét that lives throughout Jaguar II isn’t new by any means. Her bold approach was at the center of Jaguar where records like “Ass Like That” and “Moment” marvelously presented her worth as a diamond in the rough. Much of the same is present on Jaguar II, just refined and crafted to a level that makes the multitalented singer’s artistry more pristine than ever. With heavy production from D’Mile, who has laced irresistible and pleasing records for the likes of Ty Dolla Sign, Snoh Aalegra, Lucky Daye, HER, Mary J. Blige, Silk Sonice, and more Victoria Monét had the necessary tools, both internal and external, to achieve that excellence that is Jaguae II. As she boldly proclaimed on her latest project, Victoria Monét is the one. So yes, humility to the wind and everything else like it. Her blinding radiance looks better and makes for the ideal ingredient in her recipe for success.

Jaguar II is out now via RCA Records/Lovett Music, Inc. Find out more information here.

The first full week of the college football season is upon us, and it has already delivered a wild ending in Nebraska-Minnesota — a game that featured some truly terrible turnovers, 23 total points, a Catch of the Year candidate, and a walkoff field goal from 47 yards out. It was a near-perfect way to ring in the college football season (unless you’re a Husker fan) and a lovely appetizer as we approach our first Saturday of wall-to-wall football of the year.

As always, Week 1 features a handful of high profile games, spread out across Labor Day weekend as the college game takes advantage of its lone week not playing alongside the NFL to have games on Sunday and Monday night as well, and an awful lot of games featuring lopsided spreads as teams look to ease into the season. That makes the watch guide a bit tricky, as there aren’t clear great games in each window, but we’re going to do our best to steer you towards the ones most likely to produce some entertainment, even if not being all that competitive. Without further ado, let’s get into the Week 1 Watch Guide.

Colorado (+20.5) at TCU, 12:00 p.m. ET (FOX)

Week 1 is partially about seeking out rubbernecking opportunities, as sometimes you just can’t help but check out a potential trainwreck. Colorado will begin the Coach Prime era down in Fort Worth against a TCU team that is coming off a Playoff appearance but is turning over a lot of key pieces on offense. Even so, the Horned Frogs are three touchdown favorites against a Colorado team that has more transfers than anyone else in the country. The Buffs roster isn’t supposed to be good but we’ll find out exactly how not good they are in a Big Noon Saturday spot on Fox, which can’t really lose no matter how this game goes. If Colorado makes this surprisingly entertaining, that’s a win because folks will tune in. If TCU runs them out of the building, Deion Sanders has put a firm target on his back and people will want to watch his early demise.

Fresno State (+3.5) at Purdue, 12:00 p.m. ET (Big Ten Network)

This figures to be the most competitive game in the early window, at least based on the bookmakers projections. It’s not one that necessarily jumps out at you, but the Boilermakers are looking to start the Ryan Walters era off with a win. They will have to do so against a good Fresno State team that’s pushed Big Ten teams to the brink on the road before (they took Minnesota to overtime in 2019 when the Gophers were ranked 10th). This will be a good measuring stick for Purdue and while they aren’t a top team in the conference, the Bulldogs will absolutely want to say they took down a Power 5 team to open the season.

Utah State (+23.5) at Iowa, 12:00 p.m. ET (FS1)

I’m not suggesting you keep this one on the whole day, but given how bad Iowa’s offense was a year ago and how much chatter there is about improvement with former Michigan signal caller Cade McNamara under center, this is a fairly intriguing game (at least early on). Last year, Iowa opened the season with a 7-3 win over South Dakota State. They got to that seven via two safeties and a field goal. The team scored 30+ one time (against Northwestern) all season. For most teams, running up the score on a lesser opponent isn’t a big deal, but if Iowa can pile up points, even against a middling Mountain West squad with a bad defense, that’s a genuine step forward. If they can’t, it’ll be kinda funny to watch them once again try to win games via field goals, defensive scores, and elite punting via All-American punter Tory Taylor.

Boise State (+14) at Washington, 3:30 p.m. ET (ABC)

Washington has some high hopes in their final season in the Pac-12, but they aren’t starting with a cakewalk. They’ll welcome Boise State into town, and while the Broncos aren’t what they were in their heyday, this is a game that could test the Huskies if they aren’t at their best. Taylen Green is a dynamic quarterback and he’ll provide a good benchmark for how dialed in the Washington defense is early on in the season. The Huskies, meanwhile, boast their own star QB in Michael Penix Jr., who had a sensational first year in Seattle after transferring in from Indiana last summer. Washington should win this game and eventually pull away from the Broncos, but I won’t be surprised if this is still in doubt heading into the fourth quarter.

Ohio State (-30) at Indiana, 3:30 p.m. ET (CBS)

Along with Alabama, Ohio State is one of the hopeful title contenders with big questions at quarterback after C.J. Stroud’s departure to the NFL. The good news is, they open their season against one of the Big Ten’s worst teams in Indiana. Kyle McCord will get the start and it’ll be interesting to see just how much he’s cemented himself in that starting role over Devin Brown. We’ll know the answer to that by how much burn Brown gets in this game, particularly if he gets some first half snaps. The bad news for Indiana is they’re likely going to be getting an Ohio State offense that’s engaged for all four quarters, because even if this is a blowout, Brown will be looking to show his stuff with the second unit.

Cal (-6.5) at North Texas, 4:00 p.m. ET (ESPNU)

I have so many questions for how this game got scheduled for Cal, but I’m not complaining because while the 3:30 slate could see those two marquee games turn into blowouts, this has the chance to produce some funny “what’s going on with Cal” reactions when people see scores scroll by. The newest soon-to-be members of the ACC (which, lol) will head down to Denton where it is going to be really hot and they are going to have to deal with both the elements and a North Texas team that is capable of putting up some points in a hurry (and giving them up just as quickly). Cal was a bit flammable on defense last year, a departure from recent history, and we’ll find out if they’ve shored that up or not against the Mean Green.

UTSA (-1.5) at Houston, 7:00 p.m. ET (FS1)

Last year, the Roadrunners became a darling of college football fans, as they went 11-3 on the backs of a high octane offense. Quarterback Frank Harris is back for a fifth season in San Antonio and as such expectations are again high for UTSA, so much so that they’re favored on the road against Houston to open the season. The Cougars are now in the Big 12 and are prone to finding themselves in high-scoring shootouts, which should make this a highly entertaining contest.

Army (-9) at ULM, 7:00 p.m. ET (NFL Network)

If that’s not your cup of tea, how about Army trying out a new, non-flexbone option offense for the first time in forever and having to do so on the road. Even against a bad Sun Belt team, that should be fascinating to watch just to see how that goes and for people who have wondered “what would happen if Army just threw the ball,” here is your chance to see it in action.

North Carolina (-2.5) vs. South Carolina, 7:30 p.m. ET (ABC)

The battle of the Carolinas will take center stage in the primetime slate and should be an entertaining showdown between Drake Maye’s Tar Heels and Spencer Rattler’s Gamecocks. Both of these offenses can pile up points, although we’ll find out whether there’s some growing pains for UNC with a new offensive coordinator, and both defenses seem to always be standing on shaky ground. Like UTSA-Houston, this should be a game that delights those that enjoy seeing lots of touchdowns.

West Virginia (+20.5) at Penn State, 7:30 p.m. ET (NBC)

Penn State night games always look cool and this will be the first game of NBC’s new Big Ten package. It’s also going to be our first real look at Drew Allar, the highly touted sophomore quarterback for Penn State who takes over for Sean Clifford. He should bring a more dynamic passing element to the Nittany Lions offense, but also will be making his first career start and could see some hiccups along the way. West Virginia’s got lots of questions in the passing game, but is solid on both lines and could muck this up and make it sweaty. We’ll know how Allar is performing if Penn State fans like my colleague Bill DiFilippo have tweeted “Drew Allar hit me with a shovel daddy” or not by halftime.

South Alabama (+6.5) at Tulane, 8:00 p.m. ET (ESPNU)

Can I interest you in the best non-Power 5 matchup of the weekend? The Jaguars head to New Orleans to face a Green Wave team that beat USC in the Cotton Bowl last year, but are inside a full touchdown on the line. On top of being a matchup of two of the best G5 teams in the land, it also has the distinct honor of being the Week 1 game featuring the pettiest uniform, as South Alabama will don “Home of Mardi Gras” helmets to remind the folks of New Orleans that their beloved celebration started in Mobile, Alabama.

Old Dominion (+16) at Virginia Tech, 8:00 p.m. ET (ACC Network)

How many times does Virginia Tech have to lose to ODU and ECU before they stop scheduling them? After losing to the Monarchs last year, the Hokies will run it back and seek some revenge in Blacksburg this year. They’re expected to get it, but if this game’s close in the second half, things might get a little tight for the Hokies.

Coastal Carolina (+14.5) at UCLA, 10:30 p.m. ET (ESPN)

The nightcap will see UCLA starting a new quarterback for the first time in forever, as Dorian Thompson-Robinson is now delighting Browns fans in the preseason, and Coastal Carolina playing under a new head coach in Tim Beck. The Chanticleers have been one of the best G5 teams in the country the past couple years, and could give the Bruins some problems. That said, UCLA has plenty of talent and Chip Kelly will look to see what his three QBs can do, with Ethan Garbers starting but Collin Schlee and Dante Moore all taking snaps in the opener. If the Bruins offense is humming, this could get out of hand and allow you to go to bed at a reasonable hour. But as they say, if you have three quarterbacks then you don’t have one, and if UCLA can’t get out of first gear because of constantly swapping in and out signalcallers, the Chants might make this interesting.

SUNDAY

Northwestern (+6.5) at Rutgers, 12:00 p.m. ET (CBS)

Have you ever wanted to watch a football game that looks as hungover as you feel on a Sunday morning? Well friend, do I have a treat for you. Northwestern, a team that went 1-11 last year and just fired its longtime coach over a hazing scandal, is headed to the birthplace of college football to face a Rutgers team that went 4-8. This should be a rock fight, as the point total is a robust 39.5, and it’s a great way to ease into your Sunday with some truly hideous football.

Oregon State (-16.5) at San Jose State, 3:30 p.m. ET (CBS)

SJSU will be playing its second ranked Pac-12 squad of the year when they welcome the Beavers to San Jose, still licking their wounds after a 56-28 loss (but a cover) against USC in Week 0. The Spartans aren’t a pushover and could keep this interesting, while Oregon State is looking to just get to focus on the field after they (like Washington State) find themselves as the odd programs out in the Pac-12’s demise.

LSU (-2.5) vs. Florida State (in Orlando), 7:30 p.m. ET (ABC)

The game of the week is Sunday night, as LSU and FSU do battle in Orlando in a top 10 showdown. Both teams have Playoff aspirations and while a loss here won’t completely derail those, a win would do wonders for their chances. There’s an awful lot of optimism about both teams and last year when they played we were treated to one of the dumbest endings to a game in recent memory when LSU tied the game after forcing a fumble on the goal line, marched 97 yards for touchdown on the last play of the game, and then had the extra point blocked to lose by one. We can only hope for an encore.