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All The Best New Afrobeats Music From This Week

Teni Mannywellz KCee afrobeats recap
Getty Image/Merle Cooper

Afrobeats is one of the fastest-growing genres in the country. There are big names who have seen global success, but there are even more talented up-and-coming artists looking to achieve the same type of success. Finding those artists can be tough, but we’ve got you covered. Every week, we’ll share an update on the best new afrobeats songs you need to hear and hopefully, you can find someone new to add to your rotation.

Here are some more releases on the new music front that you should check out:

Mannywellz & Pink Sweat$ — “Attention” & “Better With You”

Almost six months after his Don’t Tell Anyone EP, Mannywellz returns with a pair of songs alongside Pink Sweat$. The two tracks, “Attention” and “Better With You,” are cut from a cloth closest to alté, a sound perfect for Mannywellz afrobeats and Pink Sweat$’s R&B backgrounds.

KCee — “I Pray” Feat. Oxlade

Weeks after releasing “Tuesday,” KCee checks in with “I Pray” alongside Oxlade. Together, the two singers strike up an energetic amapiano-inspired record that speaks to a higher power to thank them for their success and to protect them from the enemies that may lurk around them.

Teni — “Malaika”

Teni’s second album Tears Of The Sun arrives on November 19, and ahead of its release, she returns with “Malaika.” The third single on the project, joining “Lanke” and “No Days Off,” is built on the groove of afrobeats as Teni takes time to thank God for helping her through the ups and downs in her life.

Joeboy — “Only God Can Save Me”

In less than two weeks, Nigerian singer Joeboy will release his Body, Soul & Spirit EP. It appears to be a companion project to his second album Body & Soul, which he released back in May. He begins the EP’s rollout with the vulnerable “Only God Can Save Me” which Joeboy uses to discuss the lack of control we have over our destiny.

Victony — “No Joke”

During an interview with Uproxx back in May, Victony hinted at “really unique” records he had on the way. His latest single “No Joke” is seemingly the first, and it’s a groovy single that is both assertive and confident.

Minz — “Blessings”

We’re due for a project from Minz, but for now, we’ll take the singles the singer continues to deliver. “Blessings” joins “Sokoto” and a remix of “Wo Wo” as his drops in 2023, and on it, Minz takes a moment to celebrate the blessings and success that have rained on him in his life.

Morravey — Ravi

Much of the world was introduced to Nigerian singer Morravey thanks to her feature on Davido’s “In The Garden” from his Timeless album. She now steps out on her own with her debut EP Ravi. Through its five songs, Morravey shows her versatility through dance, reggae, highlife, and afro-pop records.

Tega Boi Dc — “Child’s Play” Feat. Shallipopi

If you love amapiano, Tega Boi Dc’s new record “Child’s Play” with Shallipopi is just the track for you. It comes after Tega Boi Dc’s summer record “Come For You” and after Shallipopi’s October release “Things On Things.”

Mellissa — “Henny Talk”

Ghana singer Mellissa is a name you’ve seen beside artists like Amaarae and BOJ, and now, she’s gearing up to stand out on her own with an upcoming EP. Ahead of that project, she drops “Henny Talk” which is a fun and steamy single that combines romance and a bit of liquor to show how feelings can run wild once both are combined.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Gucci Mane-Affiliated Rapper Ralo Was Released From Prison After Being Incarcerated For Over Five Years

Gucci Mane’s 1017 Records has seen some truly rough times recently. Going back to 2018, the label has seen its roster depleted by incarceration and deaths. Rappers from the label who have been locked up include Foogiano, Hoodrich Pablo Juan, Hotboy Wes, Mac Critter, and Pooh Shiesty, while last year, Big Scarr died at just 22 years old.

However, despite those bleak conditions, there is some good news: Ralo, one of the first current 1017 rappers to be locked up, is home free after serving five years of an eight-year sentence. Ralo had been arrested in 2018, accused of trafficking over $2 million in marijuana, and due to both the vagaries of the broken justice system and the COVID-19 pandemic, languished in a variety of jails for nearly four years before even getting a court date in early 2022. He was credited for this time along with a year and a half for good behavior, hence his “early” release.

The 28-year-old was greeted outside the federal penitentiary by family and friends in a video posted online, beaming from ear to ear as he celebrated his hard-earned freedom

While it remains to be seen if he can pick up where he left off — his most recent mixtape 97 Months was released in April this year — the silver lining is that his onetime mentor Gucci Mane was able to recover from his own stint in prison and come back bigger and better than ever. If anyone has pointers on bouncing back, it’ll be him.

Categories
News Trending Viral Worldwide

Gucci Mane-Affiliated Rapper Ralo Was Released From Prison After Being Incarcerated For Over Five Years

Gucci Mane’s 1017 Records has seen some truly rough times recently. Going back to 2018, the label has seen its roster depleted by incarceration and deaths. Rappers from the label who have been locked up include Foogiano, Hoodrich Pablo Juan, Hotboy Wes, Mac Critter, and Pooh Shiesty, while last year, Big Scarr died at just 22 years old.

However, despite those bleak conditions, there is some good news: Ralo, one of the first current 1017 rappers to be locked up, is home free after serving five years of an eight-year sentence. Ralo had been arrested in 2018, accused of trafficking over $2 million in marijuana, and due to both the vagaries of the broken justice system and the COVID-19 pandemic, languished in a variety of jails for nearly four years before even getting a court date in early 2022. He was credited for this time along with a year and a half for good behavior, hence his “early” release.

The 28-year-old was greeted outside the federal penitentiary by family and friends in a video posted online, beaming from ear to ear as he celebrated his hard-earned freedom

While it remains to be seen if he can pick up where he left off — his most recent mixtape 97 Months was released in April this year — the silver lining is that his onetime mentor Gucci Mane was able to recover from his own stint in prison and come back bigger and better than ever. If anyone has pointers on bouncing back, it’ll be him.

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When Does ‘The Boys’ Season 4 Come Out?

Homelander The Boys
Amazon Prime Video

With the well-received spinoff Gen V now wrapped up, The Boys‘ fans have only one question: When is Season 4 coming out? Well, we’ve got an answer thanks to a flurry of activity on the social media account for the satirical superhero show. (Plus some new posters.)

Right off the bat, The Boys account has confirmed that Season 4 will officially arrive in 2024, which was not a given thanks to the ongoing SAG-AFTRA strike:

The Boys fans also got an official statement from Karl Urban’s Billy Butcher that offers a profane confirmation of the show’s imminent return:

The following statement was released today by Billy Butcher, through his mate Hugh Campbell, who is much better at this technology shite, former employee of the Federal Bureau of Superhuman Affairs (“C*NTs”) located in New York, NY, in response to Season 4, coming in 2024: “Oi, we’re f*ckin’ back.”

You can check out the missive from the desk of Billy Butcher below:

Amazon also dropped two new character posters for Season 4 that capitalize on Butcher and Homelander’s show-stopping cameos in the Gen V Season 1 finale that melted fans’ minds.

Here’s The Boys Season 4 poster for Billy Butcher:

The Boys Season 4 Butcher Poster
Amazon Prime Video

And here’s The Boys Season 4 poster for Homelander:

The Boys Season 4 Homelander Poster
Amazon Prime Video

While plot details are still scarce, Season 4 will no doubt pick up the thread of Butcher’s experimentation with Compound V that allowed him to finally go toe-to-toe with Homelander, but at a possibly devastating cost. Use of the serum is out of the question, but Homelander is now more dangerous than ever after the public cheered for him committing murder in public. His reign of terror is just beginning.

The Boys Seasons 1-3 and Gen V Season 1 are now streaming on Prime Video.

Categories
News Trending Viral Worldwide

When Does ‘The Boys’ Season 4 Come Out?

Homelander The Boys
Amazon Prime Video

With the well-received spinoff Gen V now wrapped up, The Boys‘ fans have only one question: When is Season 4 coming out? Well, we’ve got an answer thanks to a flurry of activity on the social media account for the satirical superhero show. (Plus some new posters.)

Right off the bat, The Boys account has confirmed that Season 4 will officially arrive in 2024, which was not a given thanks to the ongoing SAG-AFTRA strike:

The Boys fans also got an official statement from Karl Urban’s Billy Butcher that offers a profane confirmation of the show’s imminent return:

The following statement was released today by Billy Butcher, through his mate Hugh Campbell, who is much better at this technology shite, former employee of the Federal Bureau of Superhuman Affairs (“C*NTs”) located in New York, NY, in response to Season 4, coming in 2024: “Oi, we’re f*ckin’ back.”

You can check out the missive from the desk of Billy Butcher below:

Amazon also dropped two new character posters for Season 4 that capitalize on Butcher and Homelander’s show-stopping cameos in the Gen V Season 1 finale that melted fans’ minds.

Here’s The Boys Season 4 poster for Billy Butcher:

The Boys Season 4 Butcher Poster
Amazon Prime Video

And here’s The Boys Season 4 poster for Homelander:

The Boys Season 4 Homelander Poster
Amazon Prime Video

While plot details are still scarce, Season 4 will no doubt pick up the thread of Butcher’s experimentation with Compound V that allowed him to finally go toe-to-toe with Homelander, but at a possibly devastating cost. Use of the serum is out of the question, but Homelander is now more dangerous than ever after the public cheered for him committing murder in public. His reign of terror is just beginning.

The Boys Seasons 1-3 and Gen V Season 1 are now streaming on Prime Video.

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Every Bottle Of Knob Creek Whiskey, Power Ranked For Fall Sipping

Knob Creek Whiskey Ranked
iStockphoto/UPROXX

Knob Creek is Jim Beam turned up. It’s not Jim Beam turned all the way up, that’d be Booker’s. It’s more a vision of what the distillers and blenders at the James B. Beam Distillery can do with classic Kentucky distillate right at the mid-point of proof. There’s of course more to it than that but that’s the most important point — this is a Beam product that hits 50% ABV/100-proof and slightly above without going full-on into full-proof (generally).

Add to that that we’re not talking about a single bottle of bourbon whiskey. We’re talking about nine whiskeys that cover rye and bourbon. While rye and bourbon are two very different beasts, there are throughlines in Knob Creek whiskeys — a cherry/fruit-forward vibe that highlights the yeast in the distillate alongside spiced wood notes and plenty of vanilla.

So which Knob Creek bourbon or rye is the one you need to buy, drink, and love? Since Knob Creek is fairly available nationwide (most versions anyway), I figured it was high time to rank all nine bottles based on taste. Sometimes, a great flavor is all you need to find a whiskey to keep stocked on your home bar cart.

Give my tasting notes a read, find the whiskey that piques your interest, and then hit that price link to get it heading your way. Let’s dive in!

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months

9. Knob Creek Smoked Maple Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey with Natural Flavors

Knob Creek Smoked Maple
Beam Suntory

ABV: 45%

Average Price: $34

The Whiskey:

This expression is a blend of straight bourbon and smoked maple syrup “natural flavorings.” It’s Fred Noe’s nod to his dad, Booker, who loved to smoke meat on the weekends and bottled his own maple syrup.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with wet cornmeal next to smoldering hickory from one of those old tin backyard smokers with a hint of maple syrup sweetness rounding things out.

Palate: Smoked brisket fat forms a small line under smoky maple syrup on the palate with a good dose of classic bourbon vanilla, caramel, and dark cherry.

Finish: The finish is soft and full of that cherry vanilla vibe and plenty of dry, smoky hickory with a hint of pepper spice underneath it all.

Bottom Line:

This is easily the least exciting Knob Creek. It’s a flavored whiskey, which is not a bad thing. In fact, this is a pretty damn good flavored whiskey. The reason it’s last here is that it’s sweet and smoky more than it’s bourbon. That said, if you’re looking for an old fashioned with a hint of sweet smoke, this might be the right play for you.

8. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 9 Years

Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $44 (one-liter)

The Whiskey:

This is Jim Beam’s small batch entry point into the wider world of Knob Creek. The juice is the low-rye mash that’s aged for nine years in new oak in Beam’s vast warehouses. The right barrels are then mingled and cut down to 100 proof before being bottled in new, wavy bottles.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose on this feels classic with a bold sense of rich vanilla pods, cinnamon sharpness, buttered and salted popcorn, and a good dose of cherry syrup with a hint of cotton candy.

Palate: The palate mixes almond, orange, and vanilla into cinnamon sticky buns with a hint of sour cherry soda that leads to a nice Kentucky hug on the mid-palate.

Finish: That warm hug fades toward black cherry root beer, old leather boots, porch wicker, and a sense of dried cherry/cinnamon tobacco packed into an old pine box.

Bottom Line:

This is built for mixing whiskey-forward cocktails. Use it accordingly as it tastes great in a whiskey sour, old fashioned, or Manhattan (and any other concoction).

7. Knob Creek Single Barrel Select Bourbon Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Knob Creek Single Barrel
Beam Suntory

ABV: 60%

Average Price: $71

The Whiskey:

This single-barrel bourbon is from Beam’s private barrel pick program for retailers. That means your local retailer goes out to Clermont, Kentucky, and picks a single barrel for their store only. Beam then cuts the bourbon to 120 proof (if needed), bottles it, and delivers it to the store. That also means these will vary from store to store ever so slightly.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Expect a nose full of vanilla oils, salted caramel, and a hint of old oak with a clear sense of Cherry Cola, grassy notes, and maybe even a little barrelhouse must.

Palate: That barrel must can pop early on the palate with a bitter and almost smoky feel before dark chocolate-covered almonds and cherry root beer sweeten things up on most of these.

Finish: The finish leans into a creamy mocha espresso vibe before dry cedar planks and cherry tobacco lead to a Red Hot sharp/sweet on most ends.

Bottom Line:

Okay, bear with me here. I think this is a little too hot for a Knob Creek — it’s kind of like Knob Creek for Booker’s fans who can’t find a Booker’s. You really want to pour this over some ice to calm it down and let it bloom to get that creamy and nutty cherry Knob Creek vibe in full effect.

6. Knob Creek Single Barrel Select Rye Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey

Knob Creek Rye Select
Beam Suntory

ABV: 57.5%

Average Price: $59

The Whiskey:

This is the same as above, just from single barrels of rye whiskey. Those barrels are usually barreled a cut down to a consistent 115 proof for bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Expect a nose full of green herbs like dill and mint next to a dollop of floral honey and plenty of old oak on some while others may lean into rich dark cherry and smudging sage with layers of tobacco and creamy nuttiness.

Palate: Some will have a hint of rye bread crust on the palate before black pepper gives way to dried chili pods, a hint of vanilla pudding with cinnamon, and dark cherries while others will be super grassy and dill forward with an almost pickle brine vibe next to roasting herbs.

Finish: The ends usually lean into winter spices with dark chocolate powder, candied pecans, and creamy vanilla (all very Kentucky rye) to smooth everything out for a soft finish.

Bottom Line:

These tend to be really freaking good. Here’s the key though — always ask the people who picked the barrel what the profile is. As you can see from my tasting notes, sometimes these can vary a lot (not always, but enough that it bears mentioning).

5. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey Aged 7 Years

Knob Creek Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey Aged 7 Years
Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $35

The Whiskey:

This new 2023 rye version from Beam marks the age-statement return of their iconic Knob Creek Rye. The whiskey in this case was aged seven years before batching, slight proofing, and bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Salted caramel sweetness with a vanilla underbelly drives the nose toward rye bread crusts, a hint of dried savory herbs, apple blossoms, and a whisper of soft leather gardening gloves.

Palate: The spiciness arrives after vanilla cream and salted caramel with a dose of freshly cracked red peppercorns, dried red chili, and sharp winter brown spices next to a spiced oak.

Finish: The sweetness and spiciness coalesce on the finish with a deep sense of fruit orchards full of fall leaves and apple bark.

Bottom Line:

This is a beautiful Kentucky rye with lovely soft fruits, soft earthy notes, and a great balance of sweetness and woody spice. Drink this one however you like to drink your whiskey and you’ll be in for a treat.

4. Knob Creek Single Barrel Reserve Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 9 Years

Knob Creek 9 Reserve
Beam Suntory

ABV: 60%

Average Price: $55

The Whiskey:

So, this bottle is a single-barrel nine-year Knob Creek that’s picked by the experts at Jim Beam. There’s no blending, no cutting with water, no hiding. Just good ol’ Knob Creek at its single-barrel best. And since this is picked by Beam’s experts, the profile is dialed.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This is bold on the nose. It feels like you’re clenching $250 of real vanilla beans in your hand and free-basing them with fire from an old oak stave while someone roasts a marshmallow on the same flame.

Palate: Candied pecans in a waffle follow on the palate as a hint of maple syrup sneaks in before brandy-soaked and dark chocolate-covered cherries pop on the mid-palate.

Finish: That bittersweet mid-point leads to more of that smoldering oak stave, burnt marshmallow, and pecans before a lush vanilla cream and black cherry pipe tobacco arrive and calm everything down on the finish.

Bottom Line:

This is where we get into the unassailable versions of Knob Creek. This is an all-day sipper that is a little warm neat but really pops with a single large ice cube. That ice cube adds to the creaminess with a deep sense of Black Forest cake with a rich nuttiness. It’s a dream to sip.

3. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 15 Years

Knob Creek 15
Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $209

The Whiskey:

The whiskey is made from Beam’s standard low-rye bourbon mash. Then it’s left alone for 15 years in the Beam warehouses on specific floors in specific locations. The best barrels are then small batched and proofed down to 100 proof.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Old saddle leather mingles with musty oak cellar beams and dirt cellar floors with an undercurrent of sweet dark fruits and mild caramel. The palate holds onto that caramel as the fruit becomes dried and a cedar note arrives with a rich and almost sweet tobacco.

Palate: The dry cedar woodiness carries on through the end as the tobacco leads towards an almost oatmeal-raisin-cookie-dipped-in-cream vibe with a good dose of cinnamon and nutmeg.

Finish: The end creates an eggnog-laced pipe tobacco chewiness with a hint of that cedar and leather balancing it all out.

Bottom Line:

This is everything you want in a higher-age-statement whiskey. It’s earthy and oaked without being overly so on any of those points. It’s balanced while still telling you it’s both Knob Creek and old. Still, this one needs a rock to let it fully bloom. Neat, it’s a little woody and earthy to the point of being tight and dry by the finish.

2. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 18 Years

Knob Creek 18
Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $224

The Whiskey:

This is a super rare limited release for fall 2023. The whiskey in the bottle is Beam’s standard mash bill that’s distilled at a slightly different temperature and treated with a little more care during aging by placing barrels in very specific locations throughout their vast warehouses. After 18 long years, the best of the best barrels are small batched, and just proofed before bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Dark molasses and pecan clusters with salted dark chocolate lead to brown butter, old figs, and salted caramel with a woody sense of cherry and apple bark next to cinnamon-laced cedar sticks with burnt orange.

Palate: The palate is full of lush vanilla notes next to singed cherry bark and apple-cider-soaked cinnamon sticks, star anise, salted black licorice, and dark chocolate-covered espresso beans with a hint of dried red chili spice turning up the heat on the mid-palate.

Finish: The end has a floral honey sweetness that balances everything toward orange blossoms and bruised peaches, cherry tobacco, and clove tobacco.

Bottom Line:

This is deep, dark, and delicious. It’s a beautiful neat sipper as well. There’s a lot of wood here but it’s all attached to spice notes and woody fruits that are almost savory. It’s delightfully dark. That also makes this really feel like a holiday mood pour. I can’t really see sipping this outside of winter months.

1. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 12 Years

Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $74

The Whiskey:

This is the classic Beam whiskey. The whiskey is left alone in the Beam warehouses in Clermont, Kentucky, for 12 long years. The barrels are chosen according to a specific taste and mingled to create this aged expression with a drop or two of that soft Kentucky limestone water.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This opens with clear notes of dark rum-soaked cherry, bitter yet creamy dark chocolate, winter spices, a twinge of a sourdough sugar doughnut, and a hint of menthol layered with smudging sage and orchard barks.

Palate: The palate leans into a red berry crumble — brown sugar, butter, and spice — with a hint of dried chili flake, salted caramels covered in dark chocolate, and a spicy/sweet note that leads toward a wet cattail stem and soft brandied cherries dipped in silky dark chocolate sauce.

Finish: The end holds onto that sweetness and layers in a final note of pecan shells and maple candy before leaning into a creamy vanilla cream spiked with tobacco and stewed prunes, dates, and figs.

Bottom Line:

This is perfectly succinct as a neat pour. It’s also unique while still offering a deep Knob Creek vibe. It has everything you want in a sipper — depth, freshness, and lushness. Dare I say that it’s a perfect pour of classic Kentucky bourbon? If not, I know it’s pretty damn close.

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Every Bottle Of Knob Creek Whiskey, Power Ranked For Fall Sipping

Knob Creek Whiskey Ranked
iStockphoto/UPROXX

Knob Creek is Jim Beam turned up. It’s not Jim Beam turned all the way up, that’d be Booker’s. It’s more a vision of what the distillers and blenders at the James B. Beam Distillery can do with classic Kentucky distillate right at the mid-point of proof. There’s of course more to it than that but that’s the most important point — this is a Beam product that hits 50% ABV/100-proof and slightly above without going full-on into full-proof (generally).

Add to that that we’re not talking about a single bottle of bourbon whiskey. We’re talking about nine whiskeys that cover rye and bourbon. While rye and bourbon are two very different beasts, there are throughlines in Knob Creek whiskeys — a cherry/fruit-forward vibe that highlights the yeast in the distillate alongside spiced wood notes and plenty of vanilla.

So which Knob Creek bourbon or rye is the one you need to buy, drink, and love? Since Knob Creek is fairly available nationwide (most versions anyway), I figured it was high time to rank all nine bottles based on taste. Sometimes, a great flavor is all you need to find a whiskey to keep stocked on your home bar cart.

Give my tasting notes a read, find the whiskey that piques your interest, and then hit that price link to get it heading your way. Let’s dive in!

Also Read: The Top 5 UPROXX Bourbon Posts Of The Last Six Months

9. Knob Creek Smoked Maple Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey with Natural Flavors

Knob Creek Smoked Maple
Beam Suntory

ABV: 45%

Average Price: $34

The Whiskey:

This expression is a blend of straight bourbon and smoked maple syrup “natural flavorings.” It’s Fred Noe’s nod to his dad, Booker, who loved to smoke meat on the weekends and bottled his own maple syrup.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose opens with wet cornmeal next to smoldering hickory from one of those old tin backyard smokers with a hint of maple syrup sweetness rounding things out.

Palate: Smoked brisket fat forms a small line under smoky maple syrup on the palate with a good dose of classic bourbon vanilla, caramel, and dark cherry.

Finish: The finish is soft and full of that cherry vanilla vibe and plenty of dry, smoky hickory with a hint of pepper spice underneath it all.

Bottom Line:

This is easily the least exciting Knob Creek. It’s a flavored whiskey, which is not a bad thing. In fact, this is a pretty damn good flavored whiskey. The reason it’s last here is that it’s sweet and smoky more than it’s bourbon. That said, if you’re looking for an old fashioned with a hint of sweet smoke, this might be the right play for you.

8. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 9 Years

Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $44 (one-liter)

The Whiskey:

This is Jim Beam’s small batch entry point into the wider world of Knob Creek. The juice is the low-rye mash that’s aged for nine years in new oak in Beam’s vast warehouses. The right barrels are then mingled and cut down to 100 proof before being bottled in new, wavy bottles.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: The nose on this feels classic with a bold sense of rich vanilla pods, cinnamon sharpness, buttered and salted popcorn, and a good dose of cherry syrup with a hint of cotton candy.

Palate: The palate mixes almond, orange, and vanilla into cinnamon sticky buns with a hint of sour cherry soda that leads to a nice Kentucky hug on the mid-palate.

Finish: That warm hug fades toward black cherry root beer, old leather boots, porch wicker, and a sense of dried cherry/cinnamon tobacco packed into an old pine box.

Bottom Line:

This is built for mixing whiskey-forward cocktails. Use it accordingly as it tastes great in a whiskey sour, old fashioned, or Manhattan (and any other concoction).

7. Knob Creek Single Barrel Select Bourbon Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Knob Creek Single Barrel
Beam Suntory

ABV: 60%

Average Price: $71

The Whiskey:

This single-barrel bourbon is from Beam’s private barrel pick program for retailers. That means your local retailer goes out to Clermont, Kentucky, and picks a single barrel for their store only. Beam then cuts the bourbon to 120 proof (if needed), bottles it, and delivers it to the store. That also means these will vary from store to store ever so slightly.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Expect a nose full of vanilla oils, salted caramel, and a hint of old oak with a clear sense of Cherry Cola, grassy notes, and maybe even a little barrelhouse must.

Palate: That barrel must can pop early on the palate with a bitter and almost smoky feel before dark chocolate-covered almonds and cherry root beer sweeten things up on most of these.

Finish: The finish leans into a creamy mocha espresso vibe before dry cedar planks and cherry tobacco lead to a Red Hot sharp/sweet on most ends.

Bottom Line:

Okay, bear with me here. I think this is a little too hot for a Knob Creek — it’s kind of like Knob Creek for Booker’s fans who can’t find a Booker’s. You really want to pour this over some ice to calm it down and let it bloom to get that creamy and nutty cherry Knob Creek vibe in full effect.

6. Knob Creek Single Barrel Select Rye Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey

Knob Creek Rye Select
Beam Suntory

ABV: 57.5%

Average Price: $59

The Whiskey:

This is the same as above, just from single barrels of rye whiskey. Those barrels are usually barreled a cut down to a consistent 115 proof for bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Expect a nose full of green herbs like dill and mint next to a dollop of floral honey and plenty of old oak on some while others may lean into rich dark cherry and smudging sage with layers of tobacco and creamy nuttiness.

Palate: Some will have a hint of rye bread crust on the palate before black pepper gives way to dried chili pods, a hint of vanilla pudding with cinnamon, and dark cherries while others will be super grassy and dill forward with an almost pickle brine vibe next to roasting herbs.

Finish: The ends usually lean into winter spices with dark chocolate powder, candied pecans, and creamy vanilla (all very Kentucky rye) to smooth everything out for a soft finish.

Bottom Line:

These tend to be really freaking good. Here’s the key though — always ask the people who picked the barrel what the profile is. As you can see from my tasting notes, sometimes these can vary a lot (not always, but enough that it bears mentioning).

5. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey Aged 7 Years

Knob Creek Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey Aged 7 Years
Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $35

The Whiskey:

This new 2023 rye version from Beam marks the age-statement return of their iconic Knob Creek Rye. The whiskey in this case was aged seven years before batching, slight proofing, and bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Salted caramel sweetness with a vanilla underbelly drives the nose toward rye bread crusts, a hint of dried savory herbs, apple blossoms, and a whisper of soft leather gardening gloves.

Palate: The spiciness arrives after vanilla cream and salted caramel with a dose of freshly cracked red peppercorns, dried red chili, and sharp winter brown spices next to a spiced oak.

Finish: The sweetness and spiciness coalesce on the finish with a deep sense of fruit orchards full of fall leaves and apple bark.

Bottom Line:

This is a beautiful Kentucky rye with lovely soft fruits, soft earthy notes, and a great balance of sweetness and woody spice. Drink this one however you like to drink your whiskey and you’ll be in for a treat.

4. Knob Creek Single Barrel Reserve Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 9 Years

Knob Creek 9 Reserve
Beam Suntory

ABV: 60%

Average Price: $55

The Whiskey:

So, this bottle is a single-barrel nine-year Knob Creek that’s picked by the experts at Jim Beam. There’s no blending, no cutting with water, no hiding. Just good ol’ Knob Creek at its single-barrel best. And since this is picked by Beam’s experts, the profile is dialed.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This is bold on the nose. It feels like you’re clenching $250 of real vanilla beans in your hand and free-basing them with fire from an old oak stave while someone roasts a marshmallow on the same flame.

Palate: Candied pecans in a waffle follow on the palate as a hint of maple syrup sneaks in before brandy-soaked and dark chocolate-covered cherries pop on the mid-palate.

Finish: That bittersweet mid-point leads to more of that smoldering oak stave, burnt marshmallow, and pecans before a lush vanilla cream and black cherry pipe tobacco arrive and calm everything down on the finish.

Bottom Line:

This is where we get into the unassailable versions of Knob Creek. This is an all-day sipper that is a little warm neat but really pops with a single large ice cube. That ice cube adds to the creaminess with a deep sense of Black Forest cake with a rich nuttiness. It’s a dream to sip.

3. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 15 Years

Knob Creek 15
Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $209

The Whiskey:

The whiskey is made from Beam’s standard low-rye bourbon mash. Then it’s left alone for 15 years in the Beam warehouses on specific floors in specific locations. The best barrels are then small batched and proofed down to 100 proof.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Old saddle leather mingles with musty oak cellar beams and dirt cellar floors with an undercurrent of sweet dark fruits and mild caramel. The palate holds onto that caramel as the fruit becomes dried and a cedar note arrives with a rich and almost sweet tobacco.

Palate: The dry cedar woodiness carries on through the end as the tobacco leads towards an almost oatmeal-raisin-cookie-dipped-in-cream vibe with a good dose of cinnamon and nutmeg.

Finish: The end creates an eggnog-laced pipe tobacco chewiness with a hint of that cedar and leather balancing it all out.

Bottom Line:

This is everything you want in a higher-age-statement whiskey. It’s earthy and oaked without being overly so on any of those points. It’s balanced while still telling you it’s both Knob Creek and old. Still, this one needs a rock to let it fully bloom. Neat, it’s a little woody and earthy to the point of being tight and dry by the finish.

2. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 18 Years

Knob Creek 18
Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $224

The Whiskey:

This is a super rare limited release for fall 2023. The whiskey in the bottle is Beam’s standard mash bill that’s distilled at a slightly different temperature and treated with a little more care during aging by placing barrels in very specific locations throughout their vast warehouses. After 18 long years, the best of the best barrels are small batched, and just proofed before bottling.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: Dark molasses and pecan clusters with salted dark chocolate lead to brown butter, old figs, and salted caramel with a woody sense of cherry and apple bark next to cinnamon-laced cedar sticks with burnt orange.

Palate: The palate is full of lush vanilla notes next to singed cherry bark and apple-cider-soaked cinnamon sticks, star anise, salted black licorice, and dark chocolate-covered espresso beans with a hint of dried red chili spice turning up the heat on the mid-palate.

Finish: The end has a floral honey sweetness that balances everything toward orange blossoms and bruised peaches, cherry tobacco, and clove tobacco.

Bottom Line:

This is deep, dark, and delicious. It’s a beautiful neat sipper as well. There’s a lot of wood here but it’s all attached to spice notes and woody fruits that are almost savory. It’s delightfully dark. That also makes this really feel like a holiday mood pour. I can’t really see sipping this outside of winter months.

1. Knob Creek Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey Aged 12 Years

Beam Suntory

ABV: 50%

Average Price: $74

The Whiskey:

This is the classic Beam whiskey. The whiskey is left alone in the Beam warehouses in Clermont, Kentucky, for 12 long years. The barrels are chosen according to a specific taste and mingled to create this aged expression with a drop or two of that soft Kentucky limestone water.

Tasting Notes:

Nose: This opens with clear notes of dark rum-soaked cherry, bitter yet creamy dark chocolate, winter spices, a twinge of a sourdough sugar doughnut, and a hint of menthol layered with smudging sage and orchard barks.

Palate: The palate leans into a red berry crumble — brown sugar, butter, and spice — with a hint of dried chili flake, salted caramels covered in dark chocolate, and a spicy/sweet note that leads toward a wet cattail stem and soft brandied cherries dipped in silky dark chocolate sauce.

Finish: The end holds onto that sweetness and layers in a final note of pecan shells and maple candy before leaning into a creamy vanilla cream spiked with tobacco and stewed prunes, dates, and figs.

Bottom Line:

This is perfectly succinct as a neat pour. It’s also unique while still offering a deep Knob Creek vibe. It has everything you want in a sipper — depth, freshness, and lushness. Dare I say that it’s a perfect pour of classic Kentucky bourbon? If not, I know it’s pretty damn close.

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We Blind Taste Tested Store-Bought Pumpkin Pies, Here’s The Thanksgiving Champion

Pumpkin Pie
istock/Uproxx

Ah, pumpkin pie! It’s the cherry on top of the layer cake that is Thanksgiving dinner. The ultimate finish to an epic night of eating (fight me, pecan fans!), and even though it takes a “walk with the cousins” smoke session after dinner to muster up an appetite to eat a slice of pie after engorging yourself with more stuffing than the Thanksgiving turkey itself, it’s a ritual we’re willing to subject ourselves to. Gladly.

If you’re going to have that additional plate and risk a deep food coma — it’d better be for a pie that’s worth it. Something that pairs perfectly with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

This had us wondering: which grocery store pumpkin pie is the champ? We set out to find out by rounding up as many grocery store pies as we could find and putting them to the blind taste test. Here are the best grocery store pumpkin pies blind taste tested and ranked.

Methodology:

For this blind taste test, I rounded up pumpkin pies from a mix of national market chains and markets local to Southern California. Every pie chosen was from the market’s bakery section. This is my third time ranking pumpkin pie and based on the other taste tests I’ve done, I decided to forgo picking up any frozen pies because… well… they always rank last.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone but I’ll say it anyway: frozen pumpkin pies just don’t compare. They’re always bad. Mediocre at very best.

After sourcing pies from Aldi, Food 4 Less, Gelson’s, Sprouts, Target, Trader Joe’s, Walmart, and Vons, I had my girlfriend bring me a slice of each at random with a tiny dollop of whipped cream. Let’s get to the tasting!

Part 1: The Blind Pumpkin Pie Tasting

Taste 1

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The pumpkin filling is very loose and watery, with an off-putting mushy texture. It’s a shame about the texture because the flavor isn’t too bad. It has a spicy ginger bite with lots of cinnamon flavor. The crust is a bit too salty for my liking.

Taste 2

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Ooh, I like this one! The flavor is rich with cinnamon notes, a prominent clove flavor, and a hint of ginger, allspice, and nutmeg. The filling is well seasoned, this is what my tastebuds imagine when I think about “pumpkin spice.”

The filling is a bit too soupy, I prefer more firmness but I can overlook it for the flavor. The crust is nice and flakey with a sweet buttery flavor.

Taste 3

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The firmness of the filling is perfect here. It’s soft and silky, but not wet, giving you a nice texture to chew through.

The flavor doesn’t wow me, unfortunately. The spices are well-balanced, but I found myself enjoying the crust and whipped cream more than the flavor of the pie itself.

Taste 4

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Heavy on the cinnamon, ginger, and clove here. I’m tasting a hint of cardamom and nutmeg. The consistency of the filling is perfect, this is what I’m looking for! My only real knock against this pie is the crust.

It’s a bit too soft and doesn’t serve as a big enough contrast to the silkiness of the filling. While I’d prefer a crumbly texture, the flavor is nice and butter-forward.

Taste 5

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

This pie is just fine. It doesn’t excel in any one department, the flavor is good, the crust is nice and textural, and the filling is noticeably wet, but not mushy.

Nothing is working against it or for it. Pie should be indulgent and comforting, this tastes like it’s missing something.

Taste 6

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Awful. This is easily the worst pie. The filling is airy, with an almost whipped texture, and the flavor is incredibly watered down. You barely get any sense of spice here. The only thing this pie has going for it is the crust, it’s flakey, buttery, a near-perfect texture.

It’s a shame a crust this nice surrounds a pie this off-putting.

Taste 7

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

I’m a bit torn on this pie — there is a nice ginger and nutmeg prominence here with gentle notes of cinnamon and clove and a decent firmness, but the crust knocks this pie down a few spots for me. It’s too soft and cake-like, it’s almost softer than the filling itself, which doesn’t give enough textural contrast to the mouthfeel.

Taste 8

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Most of the crusts we’ve encountered in this taste test have been very neutral in flavor, some have a buttery finish, but for the most part, the crust is more about texture than anything else. The crust in Taste 8 stands in stark contrast to everything that came before it.

It has a noticeable sweetness to it with a perfectly flakey texture and a buttery aroma. It comes across as elevated and well-crafted. The rest of the pie, I’m not totally sold on. The flavor of the filling is decent, I’m tasting more cinnamon than anything else, but there is a bit of a ginger bite on the finish.

All in all it’s a great pie, but the crust suggests it should be better.

Part 2: The Pumpkin Pie Ranking

8. Walmart — Pumpkin Pie (Taste 6)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Not only was Walmart’s pumpkin pie the weakest in this lineup, I think it’s downright bad. The filling was just too whipped and airy and the flavors were too watered down, it’s not worth the calories to eat this stuff.

I think it’s pretty hard to ruin a pumpkin pie, and yet somehow, Walmart has done it!

The Bottom Line:

While we didn’t like this pie, it was by far the cheapest at just $4.99 for a whole pie. So if you’re on pie duty this year, you’re pressed for cash, and you hate your family, this is the pie for you!

Find your nearest Walmart here.

7. Food 4 Less — Pumpkin Pie No Sugar Added (Taste 1)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

“Soupy,” “mushy,” “wet,” these are all words you don’t want to hear when it comes to the texture of a pumpkin pie. Unfortunately, all of those words work when describing this pie from Food 4 Less.

This pie is advertised as having a “No Sugar Added” recipe, I wouldn’t say a lack of sweetness was noticeable though. But maybe I was distracted by that awful texture.

The Bottom Line:

Too wet and mushy to be enjoyable.

Find your nearest Food 4 Less here.

6. Target — Rubicon Bakeries (Taste 7)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Last year Target’s pumpkin pie was under its Favorite Day store brand, it looks like Favorite Day has been replaced by Rubicon Bakeries, and in my opinion, this pie is a noticeable step down.

While I think the firmness and flavor were good, the crust was way too soft — almost cake-like — failing to provide a good textural contrast.

The Bottom Line:

Good flavors, good texture, weak soft crust.

Find your nearest Target here.

5. Aldi Bake Shop (Taste 5)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Aldi’s pumpkin pie is good but it’s noticeably not great. It doesn’t excel in any way whatsoever, the flavor is what you expect from pumpkin spice, the texture strikes a nice middle ground between firm and soft, and the crust is flakey but lacks flavor.

So if you want a fairly standard pie that no one is going to complain about, Aldi’s Bake Shop pie is your best choice.

The Bottom Line:

A good fairly standard pumpkin pie.

Find your nearest Aldi here.

4. Von’s — Jessie’s Pumpkin Pie (Taste 3)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

This pie has a lot going for it, a nice firm texture, a balanced spicy flavor, and a great crust. But unfortunately, I like the crust more than the pie itself. That’s a problem!

Call me crazy, but the highlight of a pie shouldn’t be the crust.

The Bottom Line:

A good texture, flavor, and a great crust.

Find your nearest Von’s here.

3. Gelson’s — Pumpkin Pie By Renaud’s Patisserie (Taste 8)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Gelson’s is an upscale regional market from Southern California. It’s so fancy that it doesn’t have a traditional bakery section in the market, instead, it just has a straight-up bakery.

When I asked an employee at Gelsons if they had pumpkin pie, they said “No but they might have one at Renaud’s,” and directed me to the bakery in-store. So my expectations for this pie were high, especially when I saw that a single pie was $26. As I carried this pie in the elevator of my apartment building, a neighbor said ‘That looks delicious!’

This is why blind taste tests are so vital. Based on the price, the packaging, and the store I bought it from, I assumed this was going to be the best pie, but under the cover of the blindfold… it just wasn’t.

The Bottom Line:

Proof that beautiful packaging and high prices aren’t everything. This is a good pie, make no mistake, but it’s not more delicious than pies half the price.

Find your nearest Gelson’s here.

2. Sprouts — Pumpkin Pie (Taste 2)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

This pie came incredibly close to snagging the number one spot, but ultimately I had to decide against it because of the lack of firmness in the filling. From a flavor standpoint, this pie is excellent, with a very prominent cinnamon and clove flavor that just tastes like autumn to my tastebuds.

But the texture of the filling is just a bit too soft here to be a winner for me. Normally, I’d rank this pie lower based on the texture alone, but the flavor was so damn good that it bumped it up in my ranking considerably.

The Bottom Line:

An amazing flavor but the filling is a bit too soft to be a winner.

Find your nearest Sprouts here.

1. Trader Joe’s — Pumpkin Pie (Taste 4)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

We always try to include Trader Joe’s in our blind grocery store tastings, and generally, the brand lands somewhere in the middle of our rankings. That’s not the case with Trader Joe’s pumpkin pie — this is the best pumpkin pie you can pick up from the grocery store in 2023.

The crust isn’t quite as flakey as I want it to be, but it adds enough textural contrast to complement the filling. The real star of the show here is the flavor — the spices are very well-balanced making each forkful a wonderful journey through cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and ginger.

The Bottom Line:

The best grocery store pumpkin pie currently on the market. Take it up another level by giving it a quick zap in the microwave and topping it with a nice cold scoop of vanilla ice cream. Or give it ten minutes in. the oven on a buttered pan to crisp up that crust!

Find your nearest Trader Joe’s here.

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We Blind Taste Tested Store-Bought Pumpkin Pies, Here’s The Thanksgiving Champion

Pumpkin Pie
istock/Uproxx

Ah, pumpkin pie! It’s the cherry on top of the layer cake that is Thanksgiving dinner. The ultimate finish to an epic night of eating (fight me, pecan fans!), and even though it takes a “walk with the cousins” smoke session after dinner to muster up an appetite to eat a slice of pie after engorging yourself with more stuffing than the Thanksgiving turkey itself, it’s a ritual we’re willing to subject ourselves to. Gladly.

If you’re going to have that additional plate and risk a deep food coma — it’d better be for a pie that’s worth it. Something that pairs perfectly with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

This had us wondering: which grocery store pumpkin pie is the champ? We set out to find out by rounding up as many grocery store pies as we could find and putting them to the blind taste test. Here are the best grocery store pumpkin pies blind taste tested and ranked.

Methodology:

For this blind taste test, I rounded up pumpkin pies from a mix of national market chains and markets local to Southern California. Every pie chosen was from the market’s bakery section. This is my third time ranking pumpkin pie and based on the other taste tests I’ve done, I decided to forgo picking up any frozen pies because… well… they always rank last.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone but I’ll say it anyway: frozen pumpkin pies just don’t compare. They’re always bad. Mediocre at very best.

After sourcing pies from Aldi, Food 4 Less, Gelson’s, Sprouts, Target, Trader Joe’s, Walmart, and Vons, I had my girlfriend bring me a slice of each at random with a tiny dollop of whipped cream. Let’s get to the tasting!

Part 1: The Blind Pumpkin Pie Tasting

Taste 1

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The pumpkin filling is very loose and watery, with an off-putting mushy texture. It’s a shame about the texture because the flavor isn’t too bad. It has a spicy ginger bite with lots of cinnamon flavor. The crust is a bit too salty for my liking.

Taste 2

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Ooh, I like this one! The flavor is rich with cinnamon notes, a prominent clove flavor, and a hint of ginger, allspice, and nutmeg. The filling is well seasoned, this is what my tastebuds imagine when I think about “pumpkin spice.”

The filling is a bit too soupy, I prefer more firmness but I can overlook it for the flavor. The crust is nice and flakey with a sweet buttery flavor.

Taste 3

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The firmness of the filling is perfect here. It’s soft and silky, but not wet, giving you a nice texture to chew through.

The flavor doesn’t wow me, unfortunately. The spices are well-balanced, but I found myself enjoying the crust and whipped cream more than the flavor of the pie itself.

Taste 4

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Heavy on the cinnamon, ginger, and clove here. I’m tasting a hint of cardamom and nutmeg. The consistency of the filling is perfect, this is what I’m looking for! My only real knock against this pie is the crust.

It’s a bit too soft and doesn’t serve as a big enough contrast to the silkiness of the filling. While I’d prefer a crumbly texture, the flavor is nice and butter-forward.

Taste 5

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

This pie is just fine. It doesn’t excel in any one department, the flavor is good, the crust is nice and textural, and the filling is noticeably wet, but not mushy.

Nothing is working against it or for it. Pie should be indulgent and comforting, this tastes like it’s missing something.

Taste 6

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Awful. This is easily the worst pie. The filling is airy, with an almost whipped texture, and the flavor is incredibly watered down. You barely get any sense of spice here. The only thing this pie has going for it is the crust, it’s flakey, buttery, a near-perfect texture.

It’s a shame a crust this nice surrounds a pie this off-putting.

Taste 7

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

I’m a bit torn on this pie — there is a nice ginger and nutmeg prominence here with gentle notes of cinnamon and clove and a decent firmness, but the crust knocks this pie down a few spots for me. It’s too soft and cake-like, it’s almost softer than the filling itself, which doesn’t give enough textural contrast to the mouthfeel.

Taste 8

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

Most of the crusts we’ve encountered in this taste test have been very neutral in flavor, some have a buttery finish, but for the most part, the crust is more about texture than anything else. The crust in Taste 8 stands in stark contrast to everything that came before it.

It has a noticeable sweetness to it with a perfectly flakey texture and a buttery aroma. It comes across as elevated and well-crafted. The rest of the pie, I’m not totally sold on. The flavor of the filling is decent, I’m tasting more cinnamon than anything else, but there is a bit of a ginger bite on the finish.

All in all it’s a great pie, but the crust suggests it should be better.

Part 2: The Pumpkin Pie Ranking

8. Walmart — Pumpkin Pie (Taste 6)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Not only was Walmart’s pumpkin pie the weakest in this lineup, I think it’s downright bad. The filling was just too whipped and airy and the flavors were too watered down, it’s not worth the calories to eat this stuff.

I think it’s pretty hard to ruin a pumpkin pie, and yet somehow, Walmart has done it!

The Bottom Line:

While we didn’t like this pie, it was by far the cheapest at just $4.99 for a whole pie. So if you’re on pie duty this year, you’re pressed for cash, and you hate your family, this is the pie for you!

Find your nearest Walmart here.

7. Food 4 Less — Pumpkin Pie No Sugar Added (Taste 1)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

“Soupy,” “mushy,” “wet,” these are all words you don’t want to hear when it comes to the texture of a pumpkin pie. Unfortunately, all of those words work when describing this pie from Food 4 Less.

This pie is advertised as having a “No Sugar Added” recipe, I wouldn’t say a lack of sweetness was noticeable though. But maybe I was distracted by that awful texture.

The Bottom Line:

Too wet and mushy to be enjoyable.

Find your nearest Food 4 Less here.

6. Target — Rubicon Bakeries (Taste 7)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Last year Target’s pumpkin pie was under its Favorite Day store brand, it looks like Favorite Day has been replaced by Rubicon Bakeries, and in my opinion, this pie is a noticeable step down.

While I think the firmness and flavor were good, the crust was way too soft — almost cake-like — failing to provide a good textural contrast.

The Bottom Line:

Good flavors, good texture, weak soft crust.

Find your nearest Target here.

5. Aldi Bake Shop (Taste 5)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Aldi’s pumpkin pie is good but it’s noticeably not great. It doesn’t excel in any way whatsoever, the flavor is what you expect from pumpkin spice, the texture strikes a nice middle ground between firm and soft, and the crust is flakey but lacks flavor.

So if you want a fairly standard pie that no one is going to complain about, Aldi’s Bake Shop pie is your best choice.

The Bottom Line:

A good fairly standard pumpkin pie.

Find your nearest Aldi here.

4. Von’s — Jessie’s Pumpkin Pie (Taste 3)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

This pie has a lot going for it, a nice firm texture, a balanced spicy flavor, and a great crust. But unfortunately, I like the crust more than the pie itself. That’s a problem!

Call me crazy, but the highlight of a pie shouldn’t be the crust.

The Bottom Line:

A good texture, flavor, and a great crust.

Find your nearest Von’s here.

3. Gelson’s — Pumpkin Pie By Renaud’s Patisserie (Taste 8)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

Gelson’s is an upscale regional market from Southern California. It’s so fancy that it doesn’t have a traditional bakery section in the market, instead, it just has a straight-up bakery.

When I asked an employee at Gelsons if they had pumpkin pie, they said “No but they might have one at Renaud’s,” and directed me to the bakery in-store. So my expectations for this pie were high, especially when I saw that a single pie was $26. As I carried this pie in the elevator of my apartment building, a neighbor said ‘That looks delicious!’

This is why blind taste tests are so vital. Based on the price, the packaging, and the store I bought it from, I assumed this was going to be the best pie, but under the cover of the blindfold… it just wasn’t.

The Bottom Line:

Proof that beautiful packaging and high prices aren’t everything. This is a good pie, make no mistake, but it’s not more delicious than pies half the price.

Find your nearest Gelson’s here.

2. Sprouts — Pumpkin Pie (Taste 2)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

This pie came incredibly close to snagging the number one spot, but ultimately I had to decide against it because of the lack of firmness in the filling. From a flavor standpoint, this pie is excellent, with a very prominent cinnamon and clove flavor that just tastes like autumn to my tastebuds.

But the texture of the filling is just a bit too soft here to be a winner for me. Normally, I’d rank this pie lower based on the texture alone, but the flavor was so damn good that it bumped it up in my ranking considerably.

The Bottom Line:

An amazing flavor but the filling is a bit too soft to be a winner.

Find your nearest Sprouts here.

1. Trader Joe’s — Pumpkin Pie (Taste 4)

Pumpkin Pie
Dane Rivera

The Pie:

We always try to include Trader Joe’s in our blind grocery store tastings, and generally, the brand lands somewhere in the middle of our rankings. That’s not the case with Trader Joe’s pumpkin pie — this is the best pumpkin pie you can pick up from the grocery store in 2023.

The crust isn’t quite as flakey as I want it to be, but it adds enough textural contrast to complement the filling. The real star of the show here is the flavor — the spices are very well-balanced making each forkful a wonderful journey through cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and ginger.

The Bottom Line:

The best grocery store pumpkin pie currently on the market. Take it up another level by giving it a quick zap in the microwave and topping it with a nice cold scoop of vanilla ice cream. Or give it ten minutes in. the oven on a buttered pan to crisp up that crust!

Find your nearest Trader Joe’s here.

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Robert Saleh Could Only ‘Plead The Fifth’ When Asked Why The Jets Aren’t Trying QBs Other Than Zach Wilson

zach wilson
Getty Image

The New York Jets offense floundered once again on Monday night in a 27-6 loss to the Chargers that saw their defense once again hold its own against a top quarterback, but not get anything close to the support it needed to win the game.

Ever since Aaron Rodgers went down with an Achilles injury four plays into the season, Zach Wilson has been back under center and looked an awful lot like the same Zach Wilson that struggled his first two years in the league. That the Jets are 4-4 is a minor miracle, but the offense is just a disaster. Wilson bears the brunt of the criticism and understandably so, as he has not been good, but the offensive line has been a mess and the skill position players beyond Breece Hall and Garrett Wilson have offered little in the way of support.

Still, the focus will always be on the quarterback and the Jets’ almost odd commitment to Wilson despite the growing evidence he is not the answer. On Tuesday, Jets head coach Robert Saleh was on The Michael Kay Show and got asked about why other options weren’t considered, both in adding a better backup this offseason and in at least trying Trevor Siemian. Saleh considered his options before pleading the fifth, which is maybe a first for a coach interview.

The full answer can be found at the 7:31 clip of this YouTube video here, and it doesn’t really make a much stronger case for Saleh’s belief in Wilson.

“No, I got you,” Saleh said. “No, it’s a — and again, fair question. And uh, you know, it’s uh, like I said, I dunno, you got me. Something to that. I’m gonna plead the fifth on all this one in terms of just uh, I’ve kind of explained it, respectfully, obviously. But these are valid questions, and I know for fans who are passionate all having the same questions, I respect it greatly. I’ve gotta look at it from a global standpoint, and just see where we are, and just look at the all-22 the best I can and make the decision as best as possible.”

You know things are going well when a coach pleads the fifth and then starts talking in corporate gibberish, saying things like “look at it from a global standpoint.” I don’t blame Saleh here, because he can’t throw Wilson under the bus, Siemian almost assuredly isn’t the answer given what we’ve seen from him in his career, and it certainly seems as if there’s some weird dynamics at play between the staff, players, ownership, and the front office that we don’t really know. He’s also right that these are all good questions, the problem is the Jets don’t have any good answers and for Saleh it’s just better for his job to not offer one of the bad ones.