Becoming a couple means you’re taking on another family, especially if you’re married or in a long-term relationship. An additional family means you’re learning people’s personalities and quirks as they learn yours. There are plenty of people that luck out and get in-laws that are the epitome of kindness, love and boundaries
Then there are those that get the in-laws that live up to every stereotype there is about in-laws. Trying to set a boundary with those in-laws feels a lot like trying to teach a goldfish to walk on a leash. But when your partner starts to wain on holding boundaries alongside you, it can make for some uncomfortable conversations.
One woman took to Reddit about her own overbearing mother-in-law and the proposition she gave her husband in an effort to reinforce his support for the boundary she set. The woman is pregnant with presumably her first child and her mother-in-law is insisting that she attend the the actual birth.
We’re not talking about her being at the hospital in the waiting room with a bubble gum cigar and a cute stuffed animal. Her husband’s mom wants to be in the delivery room when her new grandchild makes their way into the world. In other circumstances this may not be a big deal. There are plenty of women close with their mother-in-laws who would welcome the extra love in the room to welcome the new baby. But this mom-to-be describes her husband’s mom as pushy, judgmental and overbearing, pointing out that she wasn’t allowed in the delivery room when her own daughters gave birth for the same reasons.
According to the post, her husband was very supportive and has a history of standing up for her with his parents but has started to cave on this particular issue.
The frustrated wife reveals, “She has started crying to him that all she wants is to see a grandchild being born. All her friends have experienced it and she wants it. He is starting to crumble under her emotional blackmail.”
“So I made it clear that the only way I would agree was if, before the birth, my husband made arrangements for my father to witness him getting a colonoscopy,” she continues.
Of course her husband was not interested in having an audience during his colonoscopy. But after explaining that her dad never got to see her brothers get pictures of the inside of their colons and felt left out, he admits that he understands her point.
“His mother is upset that I used such a stupid comparison. She says that it isn’t the same thing at all. I offered to change it to me watching her get a Brazilian wax and she hasn’t called in a week,” the wife writes.
Commenters were especially supportive of this new mom’s boundaries being upheld. One person shares, “Boundaries during childbirth are especially important. I watched my niece give birth to her first born, it was awesome. This second go round she only wanted her mama in there.” They continue, “moms in labor have to be as comfortable and stress-free as possible while delivering, and that includes who is in the room and who isn’t.”
“Giving birth is not a spectator sport. No means no,” another person writes.
“Your comparison was perfect and and your feelings are reasonable. And frankly your husband doesn’t really get a say. This is your medical procedure and you can simply tell your medical team she is not welcome,” someone says.
Another person followed up adding, “The husband has so little say in this matter that the hospital won’t even let him in if Op doesn’t want him to be there.”
The overwhelming consensus is that boundaries being upheld during birth are extremely important and the woman just might be a genius with her requests. That’s certainly one way to let people know you’re serious about who is and isn’t allowed in the delivery room. It’s such a delicate and sometimes traumatic time, the focus should be on the needs of the person giving birth, not the in-laws. Here’s hoping for a healthy baby and smooth delivery.