First of all, Aquaman And The Lost Kingdom is a movie in which Aquaman gets peed in his mouth three times. I just want to get that part out there first.
Soooo … this run of DC movies had to end eventually, one way or another. And, frankly, it was probably always going to be like this: an overwhelming spectacle of a thing, with a plot that doesn’t really approach coherent, that I’m pretty sure isn’t even finished, in a movie Aquaman gets peed into his mouth three times.
But, you know, this is how all these franchises will end … puttering out. It’s never going to end on some celebratory note. No corporation can resist the urge to over-saturate the market to the point no one cares anymore. Which is, partly, why the MCU is where it is now. When the MCU eventually ends, it won’t end on an Avengers: Endgame. It will end when no one goes to see the Hobgoblin solo movie, or whatever.
This is a strange one, because I usually really like James Wan movies. I don’t know if he just wasn’t given the time or resources to finish this thing, the the result is pretty mind-boggling. There are scenes that, like the first movie, just honestly rip in a hilarious, nonsensical way. Then there are scenes in which Randall Park’s Dr. Stephen Shin just does a voiceover explaining the plot and what they all did next, because the scene doesn’t exist. Randall Park is always a welcome addition to any cast, but his job here seems to be to just explain what’s happening. And even with this helpful footnote reader of a character, I was still pretty confused.
(I’ll be honest, I’m not a “watch movies high” person. But this is a movie I would actually recommend such a thing. Maybe an Aquaman And The Lost Kingdom and Heavy Metal double feature.)
I’ve been filibustering a bit because I don’t want to write about the plot. I’m really dreading writing about the plot because I’m not sure I understand it completely. Oh, you know what, I’m going to delay it just a little bit longer. Remember Challenge of the Superfriends? If not, you probably know Superfriends. For 16 glorious episodes in 1978 (I saw the episodes in syndication), it was rebranded Challenge of the Superfriends and it features a sort of full on Justice League of America (hey we got The Flash and Green Lantern) versus The Legion of Doom, which was my introduction to Black Manta. And in Aquaman And The Lost Kingdom, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II’s Black Manta is awesome. And the suit, like in the first movie, looks dynamite. Every time Black Manta was on screen, I was transfixed.
Okay, enough dillydallying, here we go: Arthur Curry (Jason Momoa) is bored of being king of Atlantis. It’s much more bureaucratic than he expected and nothing gets done. While this is going on, Black Manta is searching for an ancient, and also very harmful, energy source called orichalcum. (Yes, the way it’s pronounced is probably the way you think it is – and it got a laugh every single time that last three letter syllable was, strangely, emphasized.) Why? Who’s to say. But while searching he finds an ancient trident, broken in two. Once the two sides are reunited, Black Manta is possessed by an ancient leader of the Lost Kingdom (the one in the title) who wants Black Manta to release all the orichalcum into the Earth’s atmosphere so it will melt the glaciers and free the Lost Kingdom from its icy grave.
To do this, Arthur has to free his brother, Orm (Patrick Wilson), from prison so the two can begrudgingly team up to stop this. You see, Orm knows people who run the black market who can tell them how to find Black Manta. The creature they have to negotiate with is kind of a cross between Boss Nass from The Phantom Menace and Dexter Jettster from Attack of the Clones. Also this character is voiced by Martin Short, who I had no idea was in this movie. Along the way, the two learn to like each other and learn about themselves a bit. Also, Arthur tricks Orm into eating a cockroach.
I think by the end I found myself having a good time even though I was watching a movie that wasn’t very good. But, also, it’s the holidays, I knew this was the last thing I’d be writing for a couple weeks, so I was in a pretty good mood. But, good grief, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is overwhelming. It just keeps coming AT YOU until you submit to its buffoonery. And I think that’s what happened to me. Hey, but fun is fun, right?
The DCEU started ten years ago with Man of Steel, which begins with Russell Crowe’s Jor-El sending his only son, Kal-El, off in a spacecraft towards Earth before their planet dies. As I was walking out, I overheard someone say, “The DCEU ends with Patrick Wilson eating a roach.” RIP, DCEU.
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