I should hold a grudge against Andy Reid. I should be furious with him. I am a lifelong fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, a team known for having raucous and unruly and deeply petty fans. He coached the team for many years and never won a Super Bowl despite numerous runs deep into the playoffs. Then, after his tenure in Philly ended, he signed on with the Kansas City Chiefs and went on to win two Super Bowls, including the one held in 2023 where he faced, you guessed it, my beloved Philadelphia Eagles. In any rational world, based on the stereotypes of the fanbase I represent and my own personal deeply petty streak, just seeing his mustachioed face on my television should raise my blood pressure to worrying heights.
And yet.
Here I am.
Watching the “nuggies” commercial again and smiling like a huge goofball.
Look at Andy Reid in that commercial. Look at his face. Look, specifically, at his eyes and the little devious twinkle that appears as he walks his fingers across the table to snatch another nibble from his quarterback’s tray. He’s adorable. I want to hug him. I also want to go out and get a bunch of chicken nuggets to eat, which is extra funny because it’s not even a commercial for food. It’s a commercial for State Farm insurance. I already have State Farm insurance. This commercial, which I love, has accomplished exactly nothing for them with me as an individual consumer, other than making me love Andy Reid and crave junk food. I don’t even know if my own State Farm coverage is good. I should look into that at some point. After I get some chicken nuggets. An important part of being an adult is prioritizing things based on necessity.
It’s not his only State Farm commercial, either. There’s a whole campaign built around him and Jake. Look at this one where he’s being a little rascal with a Sharpie…
… and this one where he gives Patrick Mahomes an award and ends up thwarted by the quarterback’s loose-cannon shenanigans.
Again, adorable. Again, look at Andy Reid’s face this entire time. The man is a natural at this. He’s so good at it. He’s so good at it. Better than any football coach should be. Football coaches are maniacs, a fraternity of too-intense weirdos you would probably never want to talk to at a barbecue. Most of them look like they are in physical pain when they’re forced to talk or think about anything other than football. Most of them even chew intensely, like if they go at it hardcore enough they can somehow defeat a stick of Juicy Fruit.
But there’s Andy, right up there, a cuddly little giggle bear popping up between airings of that godforsaken Jardiance commercial, looking like the friendliest and silliest dude you’ve ever met. I… I think I love him. I’m not even conflicted about it, even given the Eagles of it all, which is ironically something I feel kind of conflicted about. And it’s all brought me, after a lot of thought, to two conclusions…
ONE: Somehow, against staggering odds, despite a slew of deep-pocketed advertising agencies mining every improv class in California to pluck out charismatic theater geeks who score well with various test groups, Andy Reid — a man who has spent most of his adult life in a dark film room watching people bonk their heads together — has become America’s greatest working commercial actor.
TWO: If he ever decides to hand in his clipboard and headset and move on from the grind of being a head coach in the NFL, someone — looking mainly at Mike Schur here, for reasons that will become clear in a second — should cast him as like the goofy chief of a bumbling police force in a sitcom set in a small town, or as the goofy manager of a diner staffed by goofball servers and cooks or really anything along those lines. Just put him in charge of a group of bozos and let him cook. Give him the kind of gig that Nick Offerman had on Parks and Recreation and Andre Braugher had on Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Steve Carell had on The Office. Not exactly like any of them, obviously. Tailor it to his strengths the way those roles were tailored to those actors’ strengths. But it could work. I swear. I swear it could work. I am as sure about this as I have ever been about anything.
In conclusion, not only is Andy Reid so good at this that he’s made me — Eagles fan, idiot, not necessarily in that order — find him absolutely adorable, he’s also so good at it that I didn’t even get mad when Snickers hired him to basically rip-off their own iconic “Who are the Chefs?” commercial from a few decades ago.
Please.
Someone.
Mike Schur.
Listen to me.
Get Andy Reid on television.
It’ll be great.
I bet.
Think about it.
Thank you.